The Other Side of the Struggle (Healing from Betrayal Trauma)
Healing from betrayal trauma is no small feat! It takes a lot of work, time, and focus in order to do it. That's all great, but then there's the "HOW?" In this podcast, we will talk about Betrayal Trauma, my past with it, how I healed from it using Christian Scripture, and how you can do the same thing.
The Other Side of the Struggle (Healing from Betrayal Trauma)
Self Care and Healing Trauma with Stephanie Wheeldon
Ready to reclaim your happiness and navigate the turbulent waters of betrayal trauma? This episode promises to equip you with transformative insights and practical advice from our incredible guest, Stephanie Wilden. Stephanie shares her moving personal journey through betrayal, offering unique and playful methods for finding peace—like the rejuvenating act of painting herself in mud and cleansing in the river. Her story is not just inspiring but also filled with actionable steps to help you heal and rediscover joy in your life.
Feeling the weight of constant control and blame, especially when dealing with a spouse's addiction? Stephanie and I tackle this head-on, shedding light on the damaging cycle that many women find themselves trapped in. Through compelling analogies and real-life examples, we emphasize the critical shift from a mindset of control and guilt to one of self-care and balance. Learn how prioritizing your well-being can break the chains of anxiety and lead you to a place of peace and mental clarity.
The power of self-care, play, and creativity is undeniable in fostering self-love and personal growth. From creating personalized self-care menus to embracing whimsical activities, we uncover how these practices can alleviate overwhelm and build resilience. Delve into the magic of metaphorical art, journaling, and setting healthy boundaries after betrayal. Stephanie's energetic and positive presence will leave you inspired, and you'll gain valuable tools to enhance your journey toward a more fulfilling life. Join us for this enriching conversation and take the first steps toward healing and happiness.
If you would like to book a free coaching call click on this link to schedule a time:
https://calendly.com/stephaniewheeldonbetrayaltraumacoaching/privateclient
Get your free "Creating and Clarifying Boundaries" PDF here!
https://www.erinandersonthetraumacoach.com/ClarifyandCreateBoundaries
Don't forget! You can come join us at:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theothersideofthestruggle
Hey everyone, it's Erin Anderson with the Erin Anderson Betrayal Trauma Coaching. I am super excited that you have tuned in. Today. Let's get talking about how to heal from betrayal trauma. Welcome to the other side of the struggle trauma, how to heal it and then how to take it and use it to unlock your mission and your potential and to use it to live your very best dream life. When you're dealing with betrayal trauma, it can be hard to know how to heal it, how to stop the pain and to know what your next steps are to take in your own life, and these are the questions that we try to answer here. Trauma has the ability to rob us of our joy and identity, which is why it's so miserable to experience. But with the right tools and with the right mindset, we can totally reclaim that joy and even use this trauma to strengthen ourselves. So that way, trauma does not knock us off of our joy again. Living your dream life should be a non-negotiable, but trauma tends to try to negotiate that with you. And even though trauma is not something that we will completely ever be free of in our life, the pain is negotiable. This is why I created Erin Anderson Betrayal Trauma Coaching and this podcast is because I want my listeners, I want my clients to live, truly live free from the prison that trauma can put you in. I want you to live on the other side of the struggle. Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of the other side of the struggle. Guys, I am really excited to introduce you guys to Stephanie Wilden today and, as you guys know, I'm kind of taking a step away from betrayal trauma coaching and getting more into relationship coaching for entrepreneur women, because you know there's a lot of relationship dynamic in that kind of stuff that help that, once you know is healed, these women can actually go off and create a lot more goals with their family and their finances and their creativity. So that's what I'm stepping into. But I really want to introduce you, like I said, to Stephanie because she's someone that has been highly qualified and highly trained in the betrayal trauma field. She's totally an advocate for mamas. She's one of my favorite people ever. She's somebody that I've personally coached and she's taken so much time and care and effort coached and she's taken so much time and care and effort and the transformation I've seen in Steph from the first day we've coached to now is phenomenal and I know that she's somebody that you guys are definitely going to want to listen to and she's somebody you're going to definitely want to connect with, and so I'm actually taking the booking links that I'm giving it all to Steph from this podcast as well, because I feel like she's going to be a better fit now for betrayal trauma coaching. So we've got a fabulous podcast planned. Thank you, you're welcome.
Speaker 1:Very long intro. She was sitting there wondering when I was going to stop talking. I could tell, but it's totally good. Like you're going stephanie in the group, you're gonna see her, um, a couple of times on this podcast. Like she's very well qualified for what she's doing and you know, as I've been sitting here chatting back and forth with stuff, planning this episode and this idea of the responsibility of healing is it really up to me is something that kept coming up, and she's got so much wisdom and I definitely wanted to highlight that for you guys today. So, steph, tell us a little bit about yourself, like whatever you want to say, um, and help people kind of get to know you a little bit well, I'm stephanie.
Speaker 2:I have never done a podcast in my entire life, so, um, I have. I guess I've kind of introduced myself in the group a bit. I have five kids. I've been married for 15 years, but with my husband for 17 years. Um, I have gone through different betrayal traumas, as well as, uh, pornography betrayal traumas, um, and I've been following Aaron for like her whole journey, even though I didn't, even though I didn't really uh know what I was getting into four years ago when we started this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you'd love it. You'd love it, let's see what else.
Speaker 2:I'm a really big advocate for wanting to play, and my favorite thing in the world is to paint myself in mud and rinse it off in the river, which we've talked about, but it's my favorite, so I'm gonna bring it up a few times it's all good.
Speaker 1:I've actually personally witnessed this, but you know, I kind of love it a little bit because it's almost kind of like it's so metaphorical actually, you know what. Know what I mean? Like actually like letting the mud come off of you Because, like, after she paints herself in mud, she goes and she gets down in the river and she lets it wash off, Like I love it. I love the.
Speaker 2:It's so nice because it feels calming and there's like all this peace to it.
Speaker 1:Now watch. I'm going to have, like so many viewers from across the world going and painting themselves in mud.
Speaker 2:Now, if they do post pictures in the group so I can see it, because it's so great, I love it, I, I and I think I brought it up in the in the uh meeting we had on the facebook page. But, um, I had my children, so my five children and my nephew, in the river with me a couple weekends ago. We all were all painted and just rinsing it off. It was great. What else? What else do you think they would want to know about me?
Speaker 1:Well, probably tell them a little bit about your story, if you will, like you don't have to go into the into a lot of detail, for sure, and, like I said, we can also edit, like certain parts out, and I'll have to do some of that already, but it's all good. Um, just like you, you want them to be able to connect with you, like tell them like why are you passionate about helping them?
Speaker 2:so I'm gonna kind of go through my journey a little bit, then, because I feel like that's where I need to go. Um, I feel like my life was kind of full of different traumas from the time that I was little, even maybe before I was born, until you know forever. So, um, I I darn it I'm feeling really overwhelmed. Um, take a breath. So I started, I, I went through, I I've been dying. I'm gonna go with what I was diagnosed with really quick. I was diagnosed with ptsd anxiety, depression, panic attack disorder and some other like other things that go along with that, and I was on probably close to four medications four times a day, trying to keep everything under control. And I'll kind of go through my. I'm going to go through kind of a weird story really quick on why I decided that I needed to really start to heal myself.
Speaker 2:It was my husband is a detective and he was working overnight and I was on medication that my doctors had prescribed that were mixed.
Speaker 2:They told me to mix together at night so that I could go to sleep, but instead the medication that they put me on made me kind of like go into a panic to where I couldn't sleep, and I was feeling like everyone around me was like like there was things like breaking into my house or whatever, and so I started to like hallucinate these things.
Speaker 2:And so I went to the doctor and they were like oh no, you have to be off of this medication and we'll put you on a different kind. So then I switched to another kind and and finally I was like be off of this medication and we'll put you on a different kind. So then I switched to another kind and and finally I was like none of this medication is working. I went to a therapist and I asked the therapist about it and she was just like well, are you sure that these things aren't happening? Like when it came to the pornography use, she was just like are you sure that this isn't happening with your children and all the stuff. And it just wasn't what I wanted to hear.
Speaker 1:she wanted, she thought that it wasn't.
Speaker 2:She wanted uh to, she was trying to see if I, if I, needed to leave my spouse, and that's not what I wanted to do, because I knew that Kelton is seriously one of the greatest people on the earth and so I didn't. I knew that I didn't want that and so then finally, like it was like a last ditch effort was I guess I'm gonna message Erin and that is where I went. Yeah, I'm a last ditch effort and I feel like, well, I feel like if I hadn't last ditched ever I think I need to go backwards a little bit I would have gone crazy. I would still be on medication which, by the way, I'm not on any medication and I feel clearer than ever. I I don't have to take any anxiety medication, which I had to for most of my life, was different medications for them, trying to make me feel like a normal human, but it just was numbing. And now I'm clear, clear, it's. It's really strange to feel. That's my story, I guess, so far. What else is there? I love it questions for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, let me first of all say like I love it because it kind of gives me like this, you know, huffing on your fingernails and like rubbing them on your shirt kind of a feeling, right, because look, because look what I can do, right. But in reality, I simply gave you some advice, right, that made all of the difference in your life and you have completely run with that advice and it's that's what's gotten you off of the medications, that's what's gotten you off of the medications, that's what's gotten you healed. And, like you know, without going into a ton of detail, she's gone through some serious crap, like oh my gosh, you guys, and like and here's the reason why we're not going into a lot of the details is because it's stuff that you guys already understand. You understand the trauma, the betrayal side of things, right, and what you're doing is you're here in this podcast to hear and understand how to get out of it, and stuff is telling you that it's absolutely possible.
Speaker 1:And the one thing that she's coming to say today is the responsibility of healing. Why does it have to be up to me? Because I think that that's something that a lot of women are asking, like why do I have to do it all? Why is it always? Why is it always on me? Right, they're really feeling this way. Did you ever feel that way?
Speaker 2:I did, I felt I feel like everything that I felt was that I was the problem and I didn't know how to solve the problem and I was making it tough for everyone else because I was blaming myself because I was the problem. But the truth was that I wasn't the problem. I was only a small part of some of the problems, not the full. It wasn't all on me, and I needed to heal my side of my problem.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, cause the thing is is like and I think this is like a thing that we get so stuck in often, especially, you know, as wives healing from betrayal trauma. And even, you know, business owners I have a few business owners listening to this podcast too, right, and, by the way, shameless plug for boundary boss babes. Go check it out, because that's my new podcast, guys, if you want to learn about how to earn money and if you want to learn about how to heal your relationships at the same time, like, go check that out, because there's going to be some great content there. But back to this particular topic. You know, like I think that we do, as women, take on too much.
Speaker 1:I think that, uh, we, because we're nurturers and we are mothers, it's so natural for us to try and control cogs, in a sense, that are not ours to control. Right, because what do we always hear? Like, control your children, control yourself Right, control your home, control, control, control, control, control. Like that's a large message that we're constantly being fed, right, and so here your husband is. He's got this pornography habit or even addiction, right, and what do we immediately go to? Control it? I'm responsible for it, I'm responsible for my kids. I'm responsible for the house, I'm responsible for the bills. I'm responsible, I'm responsible, I'm responsible, I'm responsible, therefore, because it's I'm responsible, I'm responsible, I'm responsible. I'm responsible, therefore, because it's my responsibility. I have to control it, and so we're taking on this responsibility of something that is actually not ours so sorry.
Speaker 2:something that popped into my head about that is, uh, one of the reasons that I think that in my mind um, it was I had to make sure that everything was taken care of is because something that I was told by, like one of my grandparents which is a complete lie I want everybody to know that this is a lie before I say it was that she that if your spouse was viewing things or they were going out and doing things, it was because you weren't doing your part as a wife, which is a complete lie.
Speaker 2:But it definitely was something that stuck with me that I wasn't doing my part, so nothing was good enough and I felt like I needed to keep controlling everything around me to fix it so that it was working, kind of like that part on inside out too I was telling you about earlier yeah, you know, talk about that for a second, because you were talking about anxiety and inside out too, and I know I don't know how many of the listeners have watched it- or if we're allowed to even say that on a podcast.
Speaker 1:I really don't know you can talk about it.
Speaker 2:We're not taking credit for it well on inside out too, there's a scene where anxiety, the little character that's she's teeny, tiny but she's full of like anxiety and she is like spinning in circles around the table that is supposed to be the girl's life and she's just spinning around it because she's trying to. She had broken, basically broken the girl, and she was trying to fix her and so she's like putting her back together. But she couldn't put her back together because she was so anxious that she needed to have some way to like step back from the anxiety right, like she's looking at all the possible outcomes and and like this must be the best outcome, right, and I have to control this outcome.
Speaker 1:This is the way we have control, right?
Speaker 2:that's what she was thinking of yeah, yeah and so, and I think that's where a lot of our brains go when we're feeling all that overwhelm and that anxiety is okay, well, if I do this differently, then this will change, and if I do this differently, then this will change, and you're like looking at every possibility and you really are in that anxious circle around that table going in circles.
Speaker 1:Yeah, seriously, and what's really interesting and this kind of puts us into this next piece that we were talking about is when you, when she was in that circle, what did she start doing? It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, I've broken it, I've broken it, I've broken it. And so she started going crazy. I got to fix it, I got to fix it, I got to fix it. It's all my responsibility, right, yep? And so she gets into the cycle of self blame, right Blaming. And I feel like we do that same thing, like we blame ourselves for other people's choices, actions, and we wonder if something's wrong with us, if we're not enough, right?
Speaker 1:I was actually just talking about this with a client today. You know this idea that she felt so much game, game, hello. She felt so much guilt and shame, my gosh. Let's just shove everything together in one word right, and unfortunately, game is actually a word. But that's not what we're doing. We're not playing a game.
Speaker 1:But there's so much shame and guilt that she was feeling for the results of someone else. Right, because she could see that she had been a piece of someone else. Right, because she could see that she had been a piece of the result. Right, but what was happening to her in that moment, when this result was taking place, was she wasn't whole, right, right, and yet she was coming back, like as her current self, going back to that past self and judging like how could you? And it just totally perpetuated that cycle of guilt and shame, right, and so this is why I'm saying this is where we get to start doing the opposite.
Speaker 1:If we're in that cycle of blame, we have to doing the opposite. If we're in that cycle of blame, we have to do the opposite, which is ownership, right? Well, that's that fifth pillar, and we got talking about some of these different key pieces. So let's go ahead and talk about each one. And you mentioned self-care. Like how does self-care get you out of this? I feel like I'm responsible for their life, their results, everything and more into a peace with yourself with yourself.
Speaker 2:So for me, something that I found that was like that I was missing was definitely self-care.
Speaker 2:Like I felt like I couldn't take that time to make sure that I was taken care of because I needed to control the dishes or the children, or I would worry if I took care of myself for even like five minutes.
Speaker 2:That like I'm gonna use the word implode, which sounds kind of crazy, but like that the whole world was going to like implode and I was gonna like mess everything up that I was trying to build in inside of my home. Um, like I would worry that I had all these worries that like my spouse would have problems because I needed to take care of myself, and that that wasn't fair, that he had to work and I had been with the kids, and so to throw him into that it it was really hard because you have, like you're trying to figure out how to self-care, but you also don't know how. So then I started making the self-care menus which I've talked about with you and those, by the way, in the in the group they're yeah so I started making them, like these self-care menus, because something I found was I didn't know how to do self-care.
Speaker 2:I didn't know what I enjoyed doing, so I had to like, explore what do I, what do I like doing? And for self-care, I found that I really like bubble baths and then I realized my tub was broken, but I didn't know it was broken because I didn't take time for self-care. But now I'm like one of the big. I got my house. I had to get my house completely redone and my bathtub got fixed and I'm like this is the best self-care ever.
Speaker 1:Oh, seriously Bubble bath and a book and a few like favorite drink and chocolates off to the side Right there. Yes, amazing, yes, uh-huh, I agree. You know. What else makes it really awesome Is like turning all the lights down in the bathroom really low and then turning on like a blue light or like a red light or different color light I have um so good.
Speaker 2:Oh, what are those? I have lilies like the lily, like lily pads, but like the flower of the lily, and then I have candles that go into the lilies. They're like these waterproof candles that when you put them in they light up the bathtub and it's just these flower petals. But it's so cool. I love that.
Speaker 1:Oh, that is awesome. Yeah, you one-upped me on that one.
Speaker 2:It's beautiful. Well, I found them in the pool section at Walmart one day. And you're like, no, I was like I need those in my life day. And you're like, I was like I need those in my life.
Speaker 1:I'm putting them in my bathtub. I love it. But you know, this is what's cool about self-care is you get to like, be like I need that in my life, right, and and it's like not a irresponsible choice anymore right now, of course, like don't go spend all your money. I'm'm not saying that and she's not saying this either, but we're saying that you're realizing that that is actually taking responsibility. And you're telling me too, like the opposite of self-care is self-destruct. Like did you hear that language? Like everything imploding in on you, right? If you didn't take, if you took the time for self-care, you felt like everything would implode, but it was imploding right, but it didn't.
Speaker 2:But it felt like. It felt like it was like it, even though it already was all around me, like things were going wrong. If I took self-time, if I took oh my goodness, self-time, so I took time for self-care, that is even gonna get like everything was just gonna get worse, but really, really it didn't. I was able to do it. It took me a really long time. Um, I also found that I like to eat mexican food alone, because my kids will just complain, so I'll go to mexican food by myself sometimes, because I just really love mexican food but you know the other thing cool is this teaching yourself love.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. Like to really like I'm being by myself, like I love my kids. I love hanging out with my kids right, I totally do. But I also really just like hanging out with me, right, like I really crave those times and those moments. And I think this is what self-care gives you, because it reminds you to be responsible for you oh, also big, big secret if you have trees, get a hammock.
Speaker 2:I'm not joking. I'll tell you.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you a little secret. My kids are getting hammocks this year for Christmas, so fun.
Speaker 2:I want to go camping and just do hammocks next time. I have tents, but I feel like that'd be so nice. Maybe not in the rain, though no, there is a hammock tent. I'm not even joking, maybe I need it.
Speaker 1:I'm sending you the Amazon link. I am totally promoting Amazon stuff on this podcast today, guys, I love it. Okay, the second piece. And I remember talking about the play aspect of the seven pillars, right, because you constantly were saying I feel so overwhelmed and I was like, ah, let's plug and play, right, and holy hannah, that's like a major shift, like that's when things really like yes, yes for you so tell us about that.
Speaker 2:Okay, so play. I'm gonna tell you guys first what happened. Well, I'm not gonna tell you what happened. I'm gonna tell you guys first what happened. Well, I'm not going to tell you what happened. I'm going to tell you what happened, though. No, so I thought that before I started, when I started coaching like when I actually started coaching with other people and I was like working with them, I was like not sure how to ask how people played, and so my, my, my question always seemed inappropriate, because I'd be like how do you play with yourself?
Speaker 2:and then I would have to like rewind and I'd be like, let me explain it a little bit better before you answer that. So, um, I want it to be known that, like, if you hear that question, it is not at all what I intended it to be. You, you're welcome. How do you like to play? It was so bad the first few I realized what I was saying and, oh man, so my play.
Speaker 1:This is why I love her. You guys, oh my gosh, you're going to love her so much, Okay so play, I learned.
Speaker 2:So she asked me what are ways you're going to love her so much? Okay, so play? I learned I didn't. So she asked me what are ways that you take time to play and I'm sitting there like I don't play, like I clean the house or I go and play a board game with the kids or you know, like things like that, things that I'm doing with the kids? I didn't realize that you could just like go play alone, like I'm doing with the kids. I didn't realize that you could just like go play alone, like do things for yourself. So I started.
Speaker 2:My biggest, my biggest change was painting. I didn't know I could paint. I didn't know I could sketch. I bought sketch pads, I bought paint. I have so much paint in my house, like so much paint. There's cupboards full of paint. My kids finally got into it and I'm like but so much paint, and I love it.
Speaker 2:I maybe I'll post pictures in the group later, but there's this one painting that was my favorite. Actually, I have two paintings that were my favorite. One was like that, like it's the starry night, but it's with sunflowers. It like this, this made out of sunflowers, and that one was my, one of my favorites and the other one was it was called like drip painting and, um, you just get the brushes, what is you want, and then the paint drips off of it and it looks like sunflowers that are melting. It's really cool. Those are my two favorites, but but, um, as I was painting, I decided I would fall.
Speaker 2:I was first, I was following YouTube videos and I'm like I didn't like it because it was too difficult to follow and I'd have to pause it every five seconds because I just wanted to get the picture perfect. But then I realized that like I wanted to draw more of like what I was feeling, or I wanted to paint more of what I was feeling. So the biggest thing that I remember painting on my own was a little baby tree and I don't know if you remember it, erin, but it was this little tiny like baby tree, but it was stuck underneath of like, like, around it was all black. It looked like, it looked crazy.
Speaker 2:But in my mind, when I saw what I was drawing, it was this little tree that was trying to learn how to grow and it was trying to like you know, like you know, like you know, like you know, like you know, like you know, like you know, like you know, like you know, like you know, like you know, like you know, like you know, like you know, like you know, like you know, like you. It was trying to like also get protected by like these colors. It was really interesting and that was something that really spoke to me was taking time to draw something that maybe I was feeling and that was the biggest one that I can. I can come back to.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, and you know that's the coolest thing too about like the play aspect is like for you the art became metaphorical, right, um, like the melting sunflowers. I know like you kind of brand yourself a little bit with sunflowers and sunflower colors and like sunflowers are your thing, like there's a sunflower in your, in your picture right now, right, right there, yes, and there's two or three up there. So sunflowers are like a thing for you and I know like I love the idea of like the melting sunflower because like it's melting and then like growing something different. Right, like this, this, this, this idea of rebirth is kind of what I get from that you and you're catching those things as you play.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. You're hearing those things as you play and you know I'm actually thinking again of another client and I'm like, oh, I need to introduce the subject again here. But, like my, my brain goes in a million different directions. I love it, but, like the, the thing that's so powerful about this right and you're you're seeing this and you're saying this is it's like when you have these types of troubles and these struggles and these betrayals and you feel like you can't do anything, like you're stuck right, it's not a find a solution type of a problem, it's a create the solution type of a problem. And when you, when you get into that play like that's where you get find that creative energy right.
Speaker 2:Yes, I feel like, as I was creating different things in my life, I was creating more of a solid foundation for myself yeah, seriously, I love it.
Speaker 1:I love it. So the last piece here is also curiosity, and I remember also like introducing this piece to you as well, like like getting this, uh getting curious about like why you're feeling the way you're feeling and like thinking the way you're thinking and like why you feel like you have to be responsible yeah, a lot of big questions, a lot of big questions, right, and you actually took them seriously and you started thinking about them like this is another big shift for you.
Speaker 2:So tell me about this um, so I know that I have a journal somewhere. I have a lot of journals right now.
Speaker 1:It's bad, kelton just keeps buying me more yeah, I, you know I'm gonna say I I hope I don't offend anybody because they're gonna be like I don't have any journals. But I'm noticing like the people I work with that are really really emotionally smart have like 12 different journals by their desk.
Speaker 2:It's really bad, I do too.
Speaker 1:I have like a lot of journals?
Speaker 2:yes it, but what I would do is, um, I would write like three pages I'm gonna go three pages because it was always so much, but I would write like three pages of writing and then I would like relook at it and then I would highlight, I would highlight things inside of my journal that I had seen. And then I would go to the next page and I'd like write a question based on like, like, write a deep question based on like whatever that highlighted section meant, and then I would write an answer to that question. And then it would just like I would just reread it and there would be parts of it where I'd write like three pages and I'd have like 10 questions about like, why I felt that way or how I even got there, or whatever. And it was something that was a big shift for me, because I was able to, like, really analyze my thought processes and even my feelings, because feelings, because I was I have a really hard time expressing feelings.
Speaker 2:Um, I'm doing a lot better at that now, but you are but, uh, I had a really hard time with it, like, but I really really loved going, being able to go through and look at the questions that I had for myself and try to figure out, like, who I was and where I was going, because I feel like I was very lost before yeah, because I could know, I noticed like you started to anchor really deeply once you got into that curiosity kind of flow right, like this, this new.
Speaker 1:You really started to step out and you know you've continued to grow in, in and in the self love Right and so like, instead of choosing into this self betrayal that I think so many people often do when they've got really, really difficult relationships um, you chose into curiosity and it anchored you Right, it totally Right.
Speaker 2:Well, and on the same note of self-love, something that I also realized I had to do was uh, cause I had a lot of negative. I would have a lot of negative self-talk even in my journal, in real life, like I would. It was bad. So I started flipping it. Like every time that I'd say something that was negative about myself, I would like have to flip it and like say five things that were great about myself or whatever, because and that really helped like change my mindset a bit on like the, the thought processes I was having about myself. Yep.
Speaker 1:Yep, and it so does. All right, steph, I am excited that everybody kind of got to meet you today and, like I said, from now on you know, when you schedule a call off the podcast, you guys will be going into chatting with Stephanie and having a one-on-one call with her, because guys like she gets it and I hope that you guys have heard that today, listening to her like talking about like self-care, the play, the curiosity and these cogs that worked for her, because now she's not feeling like she's dependent upon you know the medication, and dependent upon, like, the opinions of other people, but now she's really living life fully and I think we can also say that you appreciate yourself and because you appreciate yourself more, you also appreciate your marriage more and your husband. Right, how did that change things for the two of you?
Speaker 2:um, well, we started, so I'm not sure exactly what everything I'm going to say, but he ended up seeing my change, like seeing the changes I started making, and then he got interested in life coaching. So then he started, he started getting life coached and it opened up interesting conversations like we would have. We have like more deep, meaningful conversations and like, um, we started playing together more, and I know that sounds really funny, but like people are always talking about how goofy we are together because, like randomly, like one of us might like walk up and smack the other one on the butt or something just in front of people and then run away and laugh and then like get chased around like weekly tag I don't know, but um, the like it was, like this weird comfort that like came from, like really getting to know who the other was and where they were going, what their mind really was thinking was eye-opening and eventually he wants to do it too.
Speaker 1:So well, and you, you end up. You end up not taking things like everything so seriously. Yes, you know what I mean yeah, and that's one.
Speaker 2:That's one aspect I love about that. I can I also sorry. I just want to point out one more thing really quick about the. Something I had to do to move myself forward was to really like let go of that control. I wanted to bring that up really quick. So, for example, his all of his like YouTube's or his like YouTube accounts and his Internet accounts or whatever were on my phone so I could see things, everything, everything, and it was like really damaging and hurtful to me, like I feel like seeing it like that was more damaging and hurtful to me. So everything that popped up would pop up on my phone and I had to untether that. I had to break all of those ties in order for myself to move forward as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you did, I did too. I did too. You know, I remember actually handing uh reuben his phone one day and I was like, if you're gonna do it, you're gonna do it, but I'm not going to let you do it here, like yes, please go somewhere else right. And luckily, like he honored that. But you know, I think if he hadn't, I would have been like, okay, I, ok, I'll go somewhere else Right, and I think you knew that. But I think this like opens up a really good discussion about boundaries to have. And so why don't you and I chat about some of the different boundaries we had in our next podcast? Does that work that?
Speaker 2:would be great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. All right, you guys welcome Steph, it's awesome that you're here.
Speaker 2:I'm excited to see where this all goes, oh.
Speaker 1:I think everybody's gonna love you as much as I do. So, anyway, you guys um, I'm really excited for you guys to get to work with Steph and get to meet her and benefit from her just fantastic, bubbly, fun, energy and her just greatness, pretty new, isn't it? I don't know, I think you can do it. Oh, I meant my bubbliness. Oh, that's not new. New, no, that's always been there just the quickiness.
Speaker 1:We're good the quickiness all right, you guys, until the next time we'll see you, okay? So I've got a question for you have you joined my free facebook group or instagram page yet? If you haven't go and do that and this is the reason why I always post my freebies, updated information and all kinds of goodies for my community in that page. I'm also really active. I post videos, I answer questions. So if you guys really really want to get in and interact with me, go like me on Facebook.
Speaker 1:Go join my group, the Other Side of the Struggle Healing from Betrayal Trauma. Come find me on Instagram, erin Anderson, betrayal Trauma Coach and come follow me, because I always have something good there just for you, my audience, and I love connecting with you there. I also post anytime that I have groups going on. I talk sometimes about my programs. So if you guys are interested in working with me or even just following me and getting as much free content as you possibly can, go hang out in my group, go connect with the ladies that are there. Also, come and join Immune and Unashamed for those married couples that are following me, because in that group, me and my business partner, kyson Kidd, are also talking and offering some great content.
