I Say I Trust God... So Why Don't I Trust Myself

Oooo! This is a big one guys!

I know when I asked myself this question it hit hard...

and had me getting really honest with myself.

But that honesty turned into using my voice and creating self-trust.

If you're ready to trust God AND yourself...

then this episode is for you!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Hey Minubs, welcome to another episode of the other side of the struggle. And speaking of struggle, guys, thank you very much for being patient with me as I am learning my new schedule, getting in touch with not only the homework I've got to do, but also making sure that I get these podcasts out, that I'm with my like spending time with my family, balancing time with my coaching clients. It's all fabulous, and I love it because things are growing for me. But sometimes growth definitely feels like a bit of a stretch. We might leave some stretch marks there. And it is definitely doing that. But I just really appreciate your your patience, your your love of me, and coming back every single week for the next episode, even though it might not always not always be out at 9 a.m. I'm gonna do my best. I'm gonna try to cinch up my time boundary and make sure that you're getting these episodes at a consistent time. But just know I am definitely going to make sure that I get these podcasts to you. And another thing too, like I've also kind of stepped back a little bit this this last week because I really feel like I wanted to up-level this podcast for you because we've talked a lot about trauma, we've talked a lot about what it takes to heal, etc. But now I really want to put this into play and into actionable things for you guys to help you completely have a mindset shift, mindset shift, excuse me. So that way you can actually start creating the life and the relationships that you want without betrayal, like letting that go. Because holding on to betrayal is a whole lot like holding on to a knife. You're gonna bleed out if we do. And even though somebody may have stabbed you with that knife, the harder you hold on to it, the more you bleed out, and the quicker you're gonna bleed. And I don't want that for you. So I'm feeling the need to just up-level this podcast again to make sure that you guys are getting really, really good content, and that you can literally take each episode and move forward with greater clarity, greater depth, greater help, etc. So, with that, you know, let's talk about this difference between I say I trust God, but I don't trust myself. And let me just say this first, that that absolutely is it absolutely is a symptom of betrayal and not usually just by one person. This is usually something that I've seen show up in people when they've had multiple betrayals, because if it happens several times, we tend to believe it a lot more. So let's get into this. Like, if you've ever said, I trust God with everything, but then you notice that you overthink every decision, you're second-guessing every move, and asking a billion people what you need to do next, just so you don't make a mistake, and you're asking, I say I trust God, like I really feel like I trust God, but I don't feel like I can trust myself. You cannot fully trust God if you don't trust the version of you that He created. Okay, let's breathe through that one for a second. Because that one can feel kind of heavy. But here's the absolute truth, and this is what I had to learn is I can't say that I trust God and not trust myself as his creation. If I'm trusting myself as his creation, and I trust that God is loving, knowing, all-knowing, all-powerful, and all he creates is perfections and miracles. And if I'm if I am his highest creation, then that also means that I must also be a perfect miracle in his eyes. It's my job to see it too. Because again, people don't behave above their self-belief. If we want to elevate our actions, our results, our relationships, etc., and step out of betrayal, we need to know that we are not destined for betrayal, that that is not what we deserve, so therefore we don't attract it anymore. And you know what? I'm gonna be totally honest with you guys here. I'm even needing to take my own advice because I've had, I've I've actually just noticed the last few weeks, like, whoa, holy drama in my life. And I am not someone who likes a lot of drama, but there have been some relationships outside of like my my inner circle, they're not in my inner circle, but man, they still can create enough drama for me. And if I don't deserve that, then I need to take a look and see where I personally am attracting that. Okay, now before that sounds super judgmental, let me say this. It's not your fault. Kind of like this drama that keeps showing up in my life, it's not my fault. But I can only control what I do and how I think about it and how I show up. I give myself permission to be absolutely angry about the way some people have treated me, but I'm also gonna own like my side of it. I am going to own what I'm going to do next.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Because that's what trusting God is looks like to me.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

If I own what I do next, and I say that I trust God, I also trust that this can be a growth opportunity if I allow it to shape me, God will deal perfect justice. Do I believe that? Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

And I don't need to be a I don't need to be around for it.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

I don't need to be around for it. I just need to trust God with it, and that's what forgiving is. It's for the giving, giving it up to Him, right? And this is coming back in another lesson again, and so I get to listen to the lesson. Because even though that kind of stings when I say if trauma is showing up in my life, how am I gonna deal with it?

SPEAKER_01 10:10

And how do I respond to it?

SPEAKER_00 10:15

That's humility because I don't want it, therefore I need to do something about it, and creating more drama isn't going to fix it. The same is true for betrayal. It's not your fault that you got betrayed. But the simple fact that it's in your life means that we still have to do something about it. This is why I say that we can't fully trust God if we don't trust the version of ourselves that He created us to be. So why does this feel so confusing? Why does this feel so vulnerable? Why does this feel so raw? And I think a lot of it has been because we've been taught that trusting God looks like waiting, praying, surrendering, letting go. And yes, I'm even talking about that in this exact podcast, right? Like trusting God with the forgiveness, trusting God with the justice, but also like taking a look at like maybe where I may be desiring a little bit of drama in my life. I've noticed that it makes me feel a little bit alive, that it makes me feel justified, that it makes me feel like XYZ, right? Like it's bringing those pieces up. It's my job to get curious on why I feel a little bit attached to drama. I don't like it, but maybe I do a little bit, if I'm gonna be completely honest, right? And so even though waiting, praying, surrendering, and letting go is all part of it, we also need to understand that God works through us and not around us. And if we are holding on to this drama or the betrayal or waiting for somebody to change before we take responsibility over our life, even though maybe we didn't create the problem, we still need to solve it because it's in our life. Like it's part of us, right? If we're waiting for someone else to heal before we give ourselves permission to do that, it blocks our ability to be that vessel, to be what God created us to be. And so it causes us to ignore our intuition, ignore our voice, ignore our needs and our wants, our desires, and it's taking ourselves out of what we feel like we might be called to do, and possibly even muddying what we're called to do. Maybe we don't know. But it's really hard to figure that out if we're clogged. Make sense? And then we also need external validation, like okay, if they healed, then maybe I'm okay to move forward. That keeps us stuck, and that does, it disconnects us as God's vessel. And that creates this internal problem and this internal tension of I believe him and I believe in him, but I don't believe me, and I don't believe in me. And you didn't just wake up one day and decide, you know what, I don't trust myself. That was taught. That's something that's been drummed inside of you probably for more than one relationship. Maybe you've been taught to people please, or being told that you were too much, or you're too emotional, having your voice, your desires and your wants dismissed and ignored. And from all of that, learning that it's not safe to follow your instincts, your desires, your voice, and your wants. So you adapted and you learn to look outside of yourself for answers. You learn to override what you feel and what you experience, making it very easy to be gas-lit, unfortunately, and really hard to set really good boundaries, and then you stay small to stay safe. And what that tends to do over time is it causes you to stop trusting yourself and your voice. And when you don't trust yourself, you don't hold your boundaries because you have to know yourself and your values and what those values look like in order to shape good, really unbreakable boundaries, right? Because unbreakable boundaries are all about acting in a way that we love, that we are proud of, that keeps us safe, that keeps us understood because we are becoming our own best friend. Remember, that's that foundational boundary. Be your own best friend. But if we're telling our best friend that she's got to stay safe, that she's got to stay hidden, that the world isn't a place for her, that she has no message, she has no value, that's not a blessed best friend energy. That's not something a best friend says. Think about Christ and how he would communicate with you. If he gave up his life for you on the cross, there's a reason why he's showing like there's a reason why he thought of you specifically. This wasn't just a gen a generic action, it was also deeply personal. And so if he thought you were important enough for the God of this world to die for on the cross, who are we to question him? This is part of the reason why I won't stay silenced. This is part of the reason why I want to keep moving forward in this in this message of truth, because it is the way I honor him. By honoring who he created when he created me. If no if I if I know what is right for me, it doesn't matter if no one else understands it. I actually do know that God and Christ do understand that. Do I trust them that they can bring people into my life or change people's hearts so that way they see me too? So this is where I want to lovingly challenge you. Okay. A lot of us have been taught that faith is actually self-abandonment. And let me kind of explain that for a minute. Self-abandonment sounds like I'll just go along to get along. It's fine, it doesn't matter, it's okay. Maybe it's my fault, maybe I'm wrong. I just need to be more patient. And even though those, like especially patience is a virtue, it absolutely is. The problem is, is it's it's not true when it feels tight, anxious, resentful, disconnected, icky. Like you have to abandon yourself again. And then we put a spiritual label on that calling, this is what trust trusting God looks like. I don't believe that. See, God never asked you to abandon yourself to prove your faith. Sometimes He asked you to he does ask us to leave behind the things of the flesh. If you think about Matthew, who was a money changer, right? He asked Matthew to leave that all behind and follow him. He didn't ask Matthew to abandon himself. He asked Matthew to come to the version of himself that was true. The version of himself that God created. And that's what he's asked of every single one of us. That's what's required of us to truly follow him. And following him requires participation, it requires our voice, it requires ownership, and it requires us to get clear on who we truly are in his eyes. So we can voice it, we can participate in this life, the way that God designed it specifically for us, in a way that makes us love ourselves and appreciate ourselves, and then also taking ownership. Also, your emotions are the voice of your self-compassion. I've said that so many times. I'm gonna say it again though. Your emotions are the voice of your self-compassion, they are the bridge between your conscious and your subconscious. They get what's in the subconscious into the conscious mind so that way you can learn truth and take action on truth. So they're not something to suppress, they're something to simply listen to. Because your emotions are usually the first signal that a boundary is needed. So instead of asking why do I feel this way, maybe try asking, what is this showing me about what I need? And maybe what I'm trying to ignore. Right? Like this whole drama thing with me. Maybe I don't like being dramatic. I don't want to be dramatic, it doesn't feel good. I'm not a dramatic person. And maybe the Lord is showing me that this needs to go. That means then that I need to take a look and go to him in prayer and be like, okay, like I can see this. I can see maybe I'm still a little bit drawn to this drama piece. What is required to let it completely go? And then I get to have an exploration with him. I get to experiment on what he says, and I get to learn more about who I am and be proud of myself for letting giving it up just so I can follow him better. And from following him, be proud of myself for who I am and how I'm showing up. That's important. Because that's not forced confidence, that's honoring what's already there and letting that come to the surface. So if you're sitting here thinking, okay, I hear this, but how do I actually trust myself? You're gonna start here, tell the truth to yourself first, kind of like, oh, you know what? Actually, I am a little bit still addicted to drama. I can admit that. Where do we need to admit what's really hard? And where are you saying, I trust God, but really you're avoiding making a decision? A decision to say, okay, maybe I don't understand where I'm still connected to drama, but I feel it and I feel like this desire for it. So what do I need to do? What are my next steps and taking that to the Lord? So that way He can teach you what you are and who you are, right? This is going to be a next level, up level for me, once I let this go. Because it's a lot like a stepping stone. It's a lot like taking those blocks, like this drama block inside of me, and putting it down on this path and stepping on it. Because going higher requires stairs. Your stairs are pathed or paved with the blocks that are trying to stop you from going up and further. But when we take them out of our lives and we literally make a staircase out of them, they're no longer a block, they're a stepping stone. Self-trust isn't built in big leaps, they're built in little tiny steps. Saying no when you mean no and sticking to it, speaking up when it feels uncomfortable, following through on what you said you'd do.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

And sometimes that's hard, especially when you're stuck in trauma. But advice is fine.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

But needing permission, needing permission to show up authentically, live your life authentically, this is where you start to lose yourself. And instead of asking, what should I do? You start to ask instead in order in order for you to live an authentic life, you start to say, Who am I committed to being? No matter what. And that's the question of the boundary. Who am I committed to being? Because when you decide to be that person, I am a woman who trusts myself, your decisions start getting really clear. So trusting God doesn't mean I do nothing and hope it works out. It means I trust that He placed wisdom, discernment, and intuition inside of me. He placed the very best of himself in me. He created me out of love, respect, and honor. He loves, respects, and honors me because he knows what he created, and he's in awe of that creation. And I'm going to use that. It's co-creation. This is what alignment looks like. And it's I move and trust that God will guide my steps. So if you've been feeling disconnected from yourself and you've been questioning your decisions and wondering how you should move forward, but maybe you actually do know how, you're just scared to take the steps. If you've been wondering why things feel so hard, it's probably not a faith problem in God, but so as much as it is a faith in yourself. And in truth, it takes faith in God to have faith in yourself. Faith that He did put inside of you everything that you need to live this life at the very best, that it could be lived. It's our job to trust Him to hold us, especially when we don't know where our next step is going to be. And learning from those steps and trusting ourselves with the next one, and trusting that God is with us, and that sometimes He's going to carry us across things that are deeper and harder. One honest moment at a time, one authentic decision, one aligned decision at a time, and creating every single boundary along the way. That's what that looks like. So if you're realizing the reason why things might feel inconsistent for you and your life, your relations, pot relationships, possibly a business, maybe it's because you're still struggling to fully trust yourself. But I've learned that fully trusting myself is trust, is understanding myself as God's creation and trusting that. And trusting that means I trust Him more. This is exactly the work we do inside the unbreakable boundary. And because boundaries aren't just about saying no, they're not the wall we put between ourselves and another person. They're about creating this version of you and staying solid in that person because you love yourself, because God loves you. This is how we trust ourselves, and this is how we start living in alignment with what God placed inside of us when He put us here, when He created us. So if you've loved this episode, feel free to share this with somebody that you know is struggling. And feel free to reach out, book that call if you guys want some help, some personalized help. If this hit hard and but also helped you heal, I'd love to give you some personalized help. There's a link in the description below to create your unbreakable boundaries. Click it. And let's chat. I'd love to help you further. Alright, my loves. Until next week, I'll see you on the other side. Bye.