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The Truth About Addiction
Dr. Samantha Harte is a speaker, best selling author, coach and sober mom of two. She is here to tell the truth about her life, which requires telling the truth about her addiction: how it presents, how it manifests, and how it shows up again and again in her recovery. This podcast is one giant deep dive into the truth about ALL TYPES OF addiction (and living sober) to dispel the myths, expose the truths, and create a community experience of worthiness, understanding and compassion.
If you are a mompreneur and are looking for a community of like-minded women who are breaking all cycles of dysfunction and thriving in business, family, body image and spiritual well-being, join the waitlist below!
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1rXCADAwdxnvpLNYR143KgrGPD0DLT7ExZgLwCR9hiqk/edit
The Truth About Addiction
A Life Reimagined Through Meaningful Mindset Shifts
After facing life-altering challenges, Chase—the inspiring health coach and certified TRX trainer—shares his incredible journey of resilience and transformation with us. He takes us through his story of overcoming a medical discharge from the military and the arduous process of relearning to walk. By embracing exercise and a healthy lifestyle, he not only changed his own life but also found his passion in helping others break free from limiting mindsets. His insights into how addiction extends beyond substances to the universal struggle of being stuck in unproductive patterns will resonate with anyone seeking positive change.
Reflecting on personal narratives and family influences, we discuss how the values and mindset instilled during formative years impact one's life trajectory. His father’s legacy of service, perseverance, and entrepreneurship deeply shaped his worldview and career choices. Chase recounts the emotional journey of navigating grief, facing guilt and regret, and striving to transform pain into purpose. These stories underscore the importance of addressing emotions head-on and the powerful role of a supportive family environment in fostering resilience and intentional living.
Our conversation also explores the liberating process of questioning deeply ingrained beliefs and embracing authenticity. We share experiences of personal awakenings, including the shift from a rigid military intelligence career to a more open and expressive lifestyle. This journey highlights the beauty of change and self-compassion, offering listeners a motivational perspective on personal growth and healing. As we conclude, we leave you with empowering messages about embracing uncertainty and finding freedom in the journey toward becoming who you are meant to be.
For more on Chase, visit:
website: www.chasechewning.com
IG: @chase_chewning
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#therapy
#mentalhealth
#podcasts
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#soberliving
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#spirituality
#spiritualgrowth
#aa
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#mindfulness
#wellness
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#personalgrowth
#personaldevelopment
#sobermovement
#recoveroutloud
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#purpose
#passion
#perspective
Welcome back everybody to the Truth About Addiction. I'm just going to jump right in and read the bio of today's guest. I'm so excited for you to get to know him on a deeper level. Graduating from their Health, physical Education and Exercise Science undergrad program in 2013. Having completed his MS in Health Promotion from American University in Washington DC, he also holds the following credentials a certified health coach and TRX certified suspension trainer. Living a life of wellness has always been a part of him, since growing up, eating fresh food from his grandparents' garden, playing baseball throughout school and enjoying time in the mountains surrounding his family's Southwest VA home. After six years of active duty, chase was medically discharged from the military due to a string of injuries that ultimately required him to have bilateral reconstructive hip surgeries. After learning how to walk again twice, exercise as medicine and healthy lifestyle modifications became his passion no-transcript.
Speaker 3:Hey, you hear me? No, I don't hear you.
Speaker 1:Okay, how about now?
Speaker 3:Yeah, there we go.
Speaker 1:I don't know. It's so strange. My microphone's plugged in and I thought I connected my computer to this microphone, and you can't hear me when I do it, so I must be doing something wrong.
Speaker 3:On the bottom left corner of Zoom on the audio icon, the little arrow up. When you check that, what does it say as a microphone option? Select a microphone.
Speaker 1:Well, now I've unplugged. Mine, so now it's.
Speaker 3:Yes, and now I won't pick it up. Plug, plug it back in and see it should give you an option. It should say like same as system airpods or whatever the name of that microphone is that's weird.
Speaker 1:It it's not popping up as an option to click on. It's only giving me like macbook pro, which is not what I want, and then all these pro tools things that have nothing it looks like your microphone.
Speaker 3:Is there a separate power on off? Is the microphone on or off, or is it just usb?
Speaker 1:this is why I need your help.
Speaker 3:Chase uh, this is welcome to the world of remote podcasts. There's, you know, even if you just set it up, and you set it and forget it gremlins all the time it's uh, yeah, there's a, there's a maybe is that a button or just like it looks. Maybe like a power light power okay. Oh, I think I heard you through the microphone you heard me I think that's the microphone, yeah oh my god yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it so it just wasn't on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess so that's amazing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I it just wasn't on yeah.
Speaker 1:I guess.
Speaker 3:So that's amazing yeah yeah, I can see a light on it now yeah, it's hilarious. Okay, well, yeah, problem solved 53 episodes later, she's still an amateur, that's okay, I'll invoice you for the tech support later.
Speaker 1:So okay, before we start, I will do a separate intro with your bio. That's a little more formal.
Speaker 1:And then I play a song that segues us into this conversation and I will count myself in when we're officially starting this conversation and I think we talked a little bit about it. But you know, my podcast is called the truth about addiction, but it's. It's really not about necessarily substance abuse, and everything I'm trying to do right now with my book, with my event, is to take the spiritual principles of living an emotionally sober life, extract them and talk about how we're navigating life when life really shows up, not just in the good times but in the hard times, and what that could mean, if we just transfer all of what I just said into mindset, and why we change our mind ever at all and try to behave in a new way, it's usually because we're we're feeling stuck in.
Speaker 1:Hey, it froze, I'm back, okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, sorry it. Uh, my wifi network just switched over. That's okay, there we go.
Speaker 1:All right. So anybody who is working on personal growth and mindset shifts which is very much your ethos for how you live is typically doing it because at some point they were stuck in some mindset that was not serving them anymore. They were stuck in some mindset that was not serving them anymore and there was enough of a pain point to go. Something's got to give, I've got to try something new, Right. And so when I look at presentations like that, for me it's it's really taking at a less dramatic or traumatic level. It's taking what I see in recovery rooms, which are people stuck in debilitating patterns Sometimes that could end their lives and it's going.
Speaker 1:Wait a minute. We're all trying to figure this thing out. Called life, addict or not, we're all getting stuck in patterns that at some point are causing us pain or stress and hopefully we reach a breaking point that doesn't have to be so dire like it is for the addict that we go. Something's got to give, I've got to try something new, I've got to change, and so, in bringing people on that don't have typical substance abuse issues, I think it's really important to talk about what different cycles of addictive thinking or patterning, or just an obsession of the mind, or being stuck in a rut like what does that present? Like, and then how do we find our way out of it and find our way forward Right, so that that the message of, of everything is is one that can help as many people as possible, and not just this idea of like well, I don't have a drinking problem, so what do I what?
Speaker 1:what do I need to learn from this? It's like well, actually we all have a lot to learn. We all got something that's for sure About the pattern we're in, you know yeah so, just so you know right, like it doesn't have anything to do with addiction in your case, but it but it has everything to do with mindset absolutely so that's where we'll focus love it great yeah, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, you're welcome. Okay, so let me just count myself in and I'll casually reintroduce from the more formal introduction and just to double check you hear me loud and clear you should be kicking off. All right, zoom approves wait, do I get anything? Is that just yours?
Speaker 3:it must be a zoom update on my end.
Speaker 1:Yeah that is so epic through the microphone like no feedback no, echo, you're all good.
Speaker 3:Okay, good volume perfecto, you've got.
Speaker 1:You've got like the voice of a voiceover actor for days.
Speaker 3:You know, I would love to get into that.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I don't know how you haven't yet, like I don't know how you haven't been approached with how long you've been doing your podcast, cause your voice is insane.
Speaker 3:I remember during COVID um, a gym we went to at 45 was like the only gym open during COVID, uh, except for like a speakeasy gym that opened up near us and one of the trainers there, uh, she also is an actress and, long story short, she wound up getting a voiceover gig, uh, for like the new Disney animated series um the avengers, and she's the voice of captain marvel oh my god yeah, and we started talking.
Speaker 3:She was telling me like kind of like this process and I found like it's pretty easy, honestly, like there's a couple different like websites that you, uh, you upload just so you just read certain things and then they use you as like a database to pick from. I started it and then then ADD brain kicked in, I got distracted and like never finished the process.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 3:Chase.
Speaker 1:Maybe this is the universe tapping you on the shoulder, because I feel like there is like money being left on the table.
Speaker 3:Yeah, she was telling me some of the stuff she was doing. You get paid, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you get paid in that industry.
Speaker 3:So yeah, I got to follow up with that. I gotta follow. I mean, I'm already talking, so why not get paid more for it?
Speaker 1:exactly. Oh my gosh. Okay, here I go. I'm gonna count myself in, but you sound amazing, is the point thank you, thank you yeah okay, here we go.
Speaker 1:One, two, three. Welcome back everybody to About Addiction. I am really excited for today's guest, chase Tuning, because I was on his podcast recently and it was such an amazing interview. And it's been really interesting going on a lot of different podcasts because I have such a big compelling story that when people start by asking me what is my story, sometimes they don't interrupt me for over 20 minutes when really I can get so many amazing parts of my story in with really compelling questions. And Chase was an expert at asking pertinent and compelling questions, not to mention his own story, and so I'm so excited to get into this and, by the way, for the listener hopefully, you guys have been riding with me this entire time.
Speaker 1:You know what began on this podcast as a more microscopic viewpoint into addiction. A more microscopic viewpoint into addiction. Traditional substance abuse has now widened so much on the heels of releasing my book, such that we're really talking about the inner workings of our mind and the ways in which our belief systems can keep us feeling stuck in a life that doesn't have the kind of meaning and purpose we know we're destined for, and the ways in which we can practically apply tools to break through, to have a new perspective and have a sense of emotional freedom such that we can get to the end of our journey and go. I did the damn thing, and Chase does not have a traditional story of substance abuse, but he has an incredible story of working on mindset again and again and again to have a life that is big and beautiful, and I'm so excited you're here, chase.
Speaker 3:Sam, it's my pleasure. Thank you so much for that intro. You know I've done quite a few podcasts of my own. I've done way less. Where I'm on I call it the other side of the microphone of you know guesting and getting out there. So it's always appreciated, always a pleasure and anytime that I am to kind of just hear the host's interpretation of my story and just how you kind of lob me up, intro me, it's always interesting and so I'm always appreciative and interested in what that intro is going to be. And just you know, oh, this is how Sam interprets me. So it's cool to get that feedback and a little bit of that story from the other perspective. So thank you.
Speaker 1:You're welcome. There's a lot of places I could start with you. You're welcome. There's a lot of places I could start with you, but I think I want to start with getting a sense, when you were younger, of now, sitting in the seat of an adult, what you learned about mindset that shaped your formative years.
Speaker 3:I don't even think I knew what the word mindset was until you know my adult years, to be completely honest. But looking back, I had very, very obvious examples of people living a positive mindset, of people having a conscious mindset of how they want to think and how they want to act and how they want to live their life and how they want to treat others and how they want to be treated, and belief systems and value, and all of that predominantly from my father, my late father. And why that's so important is because you know that has now become my philosophy, that has become my mantra, my chosen mindset, and that's to keep moving forward, to go ever forward. And growing up, the oldest of three, in the middle of nowhere, southwest Virginia, we grew up on almost 200 acres of land and just, you know, not having a lot of money, but also I never would have known the difference. We had nothing but just abundance and love and family, you know, living with grandparents on a lot of land, and so it was just like a very. It was a small community, it was just us, but it was nothing, but, you know, positive. And we all came together and we, we did the work and we tilled the soil and we, you know, just had a house full of love and so that that love mindset that you know, family matters and we're going to do anything and everything it takes to make sure that family is taken care of. But also, how are we supporting the community and what are we giving back? These are all just things that I just grew up witnessing. I never once heard my grandmother or my dad, or you know, I don't think so, but I never heard them go. You know, choose a better mindset. It's all about positive mindset. It was just. This is what we do, this is who we are, this is the right thing to do, this is what we believe. A good life, a decent life, looks like, feels like, and I felt it my entire life. I felt just acceptance and I felt love and I felt quite literally anything is possible. And I saw all of that in real time because predominantly of my dad.
Speaker 3:So we come from a long family history of military service and my dad followed suit. He was national guard army, which is basically part-time military for a couple years, like four years actually, and then he went active duty like full-time military and he was gone for quite a few years, you know, growing up, and then he suffered career ending injuries. He was a persian gulf vet, had a helicopter accident, um wound up, having complete reconstructive back surgery, and so he got medically discharged, which is pretty ironic because maybe we'll get to that part of my story. The same thing happened to me, and so I saw a man who, from a very young age, quite literally the very first years that I could remember life, you know he was of service. He was of service to our family. He was of service to our family. He was of service to our community and then to our country. And I would just remember going to visit him at Fort Campbell, kentucky, and just climbing in and out of the helicopters and going to air shows and visiting dad on base and just wearing his camo and, you know, just being immersed in service and just, you know, putting the weight of others on your back and moving forward. And then when he got out, he did the same thing again. You know he, you know there were struggles for sure, of what life looks like now as a civilian and navigating physical pain, like I said, from his injuries, but then just figuring it out. Figuring it out by getting random jobs, by just doing whatever he could to provide for the family, but then choosing to build a life of his own design and then witnessing around the age of I was like 10 or 11 when he decided to go into entrepreneurship.
Speaker 3:You know, really, my dad was an entrepreneur from the get go, going to entrepreneurship. You know, really, my dad was an entrepreneur from the get go. He was always doing things on the side, back in the day, before you know social media, um, like selling car parts and tools and traveling salesmen and all this stuff. So he always was like an entrepreneur in that mindset. Uh, and then he decided to just to do it for real and so he opened up a coffee house. And then he opened up another coffee house and then another coffee house and then a high end steakhouse. And the next thing I knew as a teenager, my family were in the coffee house business. We're in the restaurant business back in Virginia and my dad was in there every day. He was the first one in. Every day it was the last one out. I actually think I saw my dad more active Well, he was active duty army than I did the first, probably for sure the first year of entrepreneurship, of restaurant life.
Speaker 3:But he was just committed and he was doing whatever it took to be an example, to be a leader for his employees, for his customers, for his community, for the family. And then all of that really came to a grinding halt when I decided to follow in his footsteps. I enlisted in the army after high school as well, and then, about a year in, barely a year in, he passed away from a terminal illness. He had ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig's disease, and you know, that was kind of when.
Speaker 3:That was when my example of what a positive mindset looks like, what it sounds like of just this way of being, way of thinking, way of navigating the good, bad ugly and everything in between, quite literally died. And it was in that moment when I subconsciously now realized that I made a choice to kind of pick that up and run with it. I no longer had the example, but I had, you know, 19 years of memories and examples to kind of call on, to then kind of decide my own interpretation of what does it mean to to keep moving forward. And I had to navigate kind of my own version of that for a while, especially while active duty for the next five, six years and then going through my own career, ending injuries and becoming a civilian again and navigating pain and you know all the things that kind of put me on my path to entrepreneurship and building a life of my own design that was just so tightly woven with those examples of mindset, and then creating my own interpretation of it.
Speaker 1:God, there's so much I want to ask you about what you just said. One thing that comes to mind I'm wondering about is there a memory in your youth where something was going on with you, where you were struggling to stay positive about it, and your dad met you in that moment and said something that stuck with you? Because you're talking about him leading by example which, by the way, there's tons of research that, as a parent, you know, the greatest thing a parent can do is be the person they want their children to become right, instead of telling their children who they want them to become, and it sounds like your dad was incredible at that. When I think of my own childhood, you know, unfortunately, a lot of really pressing moments where I learned something about how to cope, or see the world was not a positive spin on it.
Speaker 1:It was more protective. It was more from a place of survival, because that's what was being passed down right. So, if I think about a potential answer to the question I just asked you, one of the things that I struggled with was extreme perfectionism, and so the way it would present is leading up to an exam or a performance. I had such severe anxiety about being perfect at the thing that what I would say out loud to my mother was I can't wait till it's over, I'll just be happy when it's over. To which she would say why can't you just be happy now? She missed it completely. She didn't understand how severe the emotional tension was inside of me and she didn't meet me there to say what happens when you think about taking this test. What's going on in your head?
Speaker 1:At which point, if she had done enough work to recognize that I was anxious and unpacked, that she could have met me in that place as a parent and said I totally get that. That makes sense that you feel that way, because there's a lot of pressure going on from this voice in your head that's telling you you have to be perfect. But what if you just showed up. What if you just tried to practice, trusting that you prepared as best you could and you can't control the outcome? Even if these things had been introduced to me, it would have been a different possibility for a belief system other than I am only going to be okay if I get 100%. That's what comes to my mind when I think of met you in the trenches, where you were in some kind of struggle in your youth, where he infused that positivity and you went huh, I wouldn't have thought about it like that.
Speaker 3:I mean, there is a very obvious, probably the largest example that I'll share in a second. But you, you know, I'm just reminded really, uh, how dope my dad was. Anytime I I think back to stuff like this and it just kind of mirrors back to me how fortunate I was to have such a relationship with him, like I did so many times when I hear your story. Thank you for sharing that, and by no mean am I trying to come off here like holier than thou, but it's just a great testament to my dad.
Speaker 3:You know, honestly, my dad, my stepmom, my whole family raising me. I can't relate to that at all Anytime in my as a kid, as a six-year-old, as a 10-year-old, as a teenager, any time where I was struggling whatsoever, where I came up against you know, youth adversities, you know, as trivial as they might be or very real as they might be.
Speaker 3:My dad always met me. He came down to my level at that moment and he just he checked in with me and he reminded me that there are no expectations of you here, whether it's you're bombing this course in school or you struck out playing baseball or whatever it is. There are zero expectations of you in terms of performance, of achievement, of accolade, of anything other than you being able to look at me, look at your mom, look at yourself in the mirror and go did you show up? Did you prepare? Did you give it your all? Did you want to be here? Were you here for all the right reasons? Did you just give it your all? And then, even despite that, it not to say wasn't enough, but it didn't match up to an expectation that you thought you had to have. And it was just this reminder that, chase, I don't want you to ever be anything other than than that. I want you to be a decent man. I want you to be someone that chooses his tasks carefully, takes on the tasks that are given to him you know, like in school and stuff and just prepares and shows up and gives it your all, and if you can honestly look at yourself and go yes, then okay. Then we have some work to do because, for whatever reason, it didn't work out how it needed to or how you wanted to, that's okay, we can work on that. But as long as you're not trying to attach yourself to this, this expectation of this ideal, that you know that we want you to be something other than who you are a prepared, decent human being, then you know, then that's it, that's fine, I mean he would. Then you know, if I was bombing spanish class, which I did, you know, then that's it, that's fine, I mean he would. Then you know, if I was bombing Spanish class, which I did, you know he would get me, you know, a tutor. He would find me somebody to help me. He, if it was any. If I needed help in baseball, you know he would give me extra times in the batting range. You know anything that we? That was like a tangible skill that could just be better developed through repetition and training, but also a reminder hey, do you want this? Otherwise let's move on to something else.
Speaker 3:But then the greatest example was like the actual largest struggle of what am I doing with my life? Like I need to stop entirely what I'm doing and I need to deviate, I need to give up was my first year in the military and when I came home for Christmas break we that was like his last couple months where he was upright and mobile and able to talk, and we did a family vacation to New York City for Christmas time and it was beautiful and wonderful. And that's when he kind of laid it out to us that we knew he was kind of going to the doctor and some things weren't quite right. That's when he told us, you know, my brother, my sister and I that, uh, you know, hey, I've got this disease. It's terminal, um, it's pretty escalated. The doctors think, you know, this is probably going to be my last year and um, and then that was it.
Speaker 3:And then I went back to my duty station and I actively tried to get out of my contract. I was just like how can I be thousands of miles away right now, even though, despite what's going on in the world and despite being a country at war, like this higher service thing that I stepped into, I feel like my family needs me more, my dad needs me more. There's no way in hell I'm going to spend the last months of my dad's life alive away from him and my family. So I found out that you can drop what's called hardship paperwork. If you can prove that there is a family matter at home that is of greater need that they need you basically for a dire straight situation then you can begin the process to get out of your contract. Then you can begin the process to get out of your contract.
Speaker 3:The moment that my dad found out that I was doing that, this man got on a plane, flew thousands of miles across the country to where I was stationed and, uh, literally his last. This was his last time he ever walked on his own. He flew on a cane, could barely speak. He flew across the country not to convince me to change my mind, not to like talk me out of it, but to just be a dad. He recognized how hard I was struggling with this new course of you know his life and he did not want me to change the beginning of my new life just because you know, quite literally, his was ending. So he came out and he visited me.
Speaker 3:It was a three day or a four day holiday weekend and we stayed off base and we just kind of it was just a father and his son just spending time together.
Speaker 3:And my dad just kept reminding me by example and quite literally telling me how at peace he was with his life and how okay oddly enough, like like angrily enough how okay he was with just waiting to die now and you know how much pain and suffering he was going to be in up until he took his last breath.
Speaker 3:And he just he reminded me of how okay he was and how all he wanted from me or any one of his kids, was to just have everything in life that they want, everything in life that they want, everything in life that they could work for and earn. And, being a veteran himself, he loved the military and he wanted that for me as much as I wanted it for me. And so he, in his own unique way, passively convinced me to stop with the hardship paperwork and to stay in my contract and to stay in the military. And so once I told him, I said all right, dad, I'll stay in. If you promise me you're good, I'll come see you as much as I can. And then I did my thing in the military and then he passed within that next year and then I finished out my contract and, yeah, I think if it were not for him coming out and just being a dad to a scared son, I don't know what course my life would have taken.
Speaker 1:Yeah, your relationship with your dad, I mean a good thing. I'm not in a different part of my menstrual cycle because I'd be bawling right now. I just want to have full disclosure because it's so, you know. You want to talk about how you can't relate to what I said. I know nothing of what you speak.
Speaker 1:Imagine what my life would have, could have looked like, if I had had a parental example, even close and I love my parents, but even close to what you're describing. It's interesting to me because in my story, grief has played such a huge role again and again, and again, and the way in which I have showed up in the face of grief has looked different every single time, really dangerously Meaning that, for whatever reason I've known, I can't relapse because I would die, and so death wasn't an option for me in the face of grief, but every other thing was, that was between dying and feeling my feelings. I mean, I discovered anything and everything that could make me feel, even for a second, joy, happiness or hope, even if it was destructive to me, right? And is that part of the nature of being in recovery? That the very thing that makes an addict an addict of any kind, by the way does not have to be substance abuse, is that the feelings that come up, that are hard to deal with grief being, I think, at the very top are so excruciating that we will do anything not to feel them. So I'm sitting here listening to this right, this most important person, it sounds like in your life, who is in many ways paving a path to facilitate.
Speaker 1:I think you not experiencing one of the hardest things that happens in grief, which is the second guessing of what we could have said or done differently. And I think when there is a guilt, a regret or shame that shows up in the face of grief, we are in serious danger. And it sounds like your father gave you a way to bypass that, such that you did not confront it. I could be wrong In the ways that, for example, when my sister died, I was looking straight in the face, you know, like thinking of all the things that happened leading up to that and what I could have said or done differently when my dad died, all of the things that I could have said or done differently. And if you're okay to go into the pain for a second, you know cause we're talking about mindset. You have the greatest loss of your life, at least up until that moment, and you said very easily that know, on you went onward you went with this positive mindset, charging forward in the direction of your destiny.
Speaker 1:Anytime grief has shown up for me, I've fallen face down in a pit of despair, and and then it was just a question of am I going to behaviorally slip, am I going to start fantasizing about a brand new future with a completely different person? Because just the anticipation of something different gives me a high for one second that makes me feel good, so I don't have to feel this pain Like what is going to happen to me in the wake of this grief, before I can actually get my feet underneath me again and feel it and heal it and move forward.
Speaker 1:You know and repurpose my pain and do something important with it. Was there ever a moment like that for you, where you were so overwhelmed by your grief that it felt like that positive mindset was out of reach?
Speaker 3:You know, that's a really important point in question, and I think this is where mindset can get sticky. A positive mindset, a growth mindset, you know, a mindset, anything other than what you are currently thinking, that you deem better than you know that's going to help propel you forward. That is going to give you the ability to somehow some way to just put one step in front of the other more than you used to. I was stuck in that, that trap, that allure, that facade of oh, I have this mindset, or I'm choosing to attach myself to this mindset of moving forward. Quite literally, my dad's mantra was ever forward, and so I'm going to make that my own. I'm going to lead by example. I'm going to be the big brother, I'm going to be the soldier, I'm going to be the kid that keeps this thing going from our family, the kid that you know keeps this thing going from our family.
Speaker 3:And I reached a breaking point and it it was such a struggle for me. I was like how, why, really? Why am I feeling this way? Why do I still feel so much pain? Why do I still find it so difficult to, to push on in these areas of my life years later, when my entire philosophy, this, you know, tattoo on my arm, my license plate. You know that everyone knows me and my family for these two words that just like oh, that's like so dope. And when I realized that I was just moving forward for the sake of moving forward, just because I was saying these words, and even when I thought them, I realized that you have to have a belief attached to it as well. And I realized that I was moving forward for the sake of moving forward. But I didn't know why and I didn't know where, I didn't know what. Quite literally, when it all came crashing down on me about 12, 13 years after he passed, in the form of my first panic attack, in the form of realizing like, oh shit, you never really processed that grief, you never really, you know, did anything with that traumatic event. You never really talked about it to yourself, with family. You just moved on, moving on, looks great from the outside. And to your point earlier, you know like, oh, like, wow, like. Look at Chase go. No, wow, he's really just moving on, he's doing it.
Speaker 3:You know that was so difficult, that loss was so big, you know, transitioning from soldier to civilian again, learning how to walk again twice. You know, going back to school, you know all these things outside, looking in, I was doing the quote right things. I was doing the things to add another link into the chain, pushing me forward and putting just distance between me and the past, and it worked. You know like I. You know I I recovered from my injuries and I figured out what my next thing in life was going to be. I um advanced in career and geographically and and and relationships and all these things.
Speaker 3:But there was this distinct moment in summer of 2015 where it just literally all like the weight of the world came crashing down and I realized that I can't just keep going on for the sake of going on. I had not actually done any of the work associated to that positive mindset. It's like saying one thing, but really in your heart of hearts, not knowing why, and so that was really where it kind of like the real work began. And so that was another several year journey of going back to mental health regularly. You know, getting mental health help and processing that death and opening up to myself, opening up to my family and just really allowing, giving myself permission to just let it all flood out and not keep it to myself Like I thought I had to. I thought I think maybe somebody can relate to this.
Speaker 3:You know, there's a part of, I think, a positive mindset that you think is just like this extra weight you have to carry to yourself.
Speaker 3:It means just like compartmentalizing, it means just ignoring, it means putting it behind you, like that might be necessary in that moment so that you can move forward, but that's not going anywhere, like just because you can block something out in that moment and find motivation.
Speaker 3:You know, false motivation at the end of the day is still motivation, right, but that doesn't mean it's like gone anywhere. I promise you it's still back there in a dark corner somewhere and it will show up again, especially in my experience, when you don't want it to the most. So once then I realized all these things, I'm being able to process them and work on them. I developed my own why to this mindset. I had my own belief system and own relationship to this positive outlook on life, this choice that I make every day, that no matter what that the good, bad, the ugly, it comes down my way I'm going to figure out a way to like just keep trucking on. And ever since then you know, I made it my own, I have my own belief system attached to it and I actually know why I'm moving forward and I actually know where I'm going, instead of just blindly, you know, head down moving forward.
Speaker 1:Are you saying that up until that crisis point, you were moving forward because it's what you had seen and known your whole life? As per? Yeah, you know, you think it's what you're supposed to do.
Speaker 3:You think you know, ok, it's. It's not going to better my life by just staying here and feeling miserable or feeling sad. It's not just going to, it's not going to serve me life by just staying here and feeling miserable or feeling sad. It's not just going to, it's not going to serve me by staying a victim, right. And so again, all these things I think you know objectively can work and work for a lot of people to just snap you out of it, to just give you a little bit different perspective and to show you what could be and then maybe that's not exactly what you need or what will always be for you, but what we do need when we're in those dark moments. We need something different. We need, we need anything different. We need anything that's just a little bit better than our current situation to give us hope, to give us a direction, to give us a community, to give us something to do and somewhere to go.
Speaker 3:And that's what I did and I think that I just kept doing it because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. You know, like you know, call it big brother syndrome, call it soldiering on, you know whatever it was, but you know, I was like, okay, I'm going to move back home. So when I got out of the military, I moved back home because I'm supposed to be with my family, that's what you do, that's what my dad would have done. And then now I realized, years later, I was like, chase, like no one asked you to do that, no one asked you to insert yourself into their lives. Like, did my mom love it? Sure, did my brother you know, we had parts of it but also like they're living their own life now. So I thought by. I thought I had to move back home. I thought I had to go to school. I thought I had to get this job. I thought I had to, you know, work my way up the shop. I thought I had to, had to, had to, had to all these things. And then, you know, it got me places and I'm grateful for it. But you know it just really it made me realize how much I was.
Speaker 3:Just I was living someone else's life, even though from the outside, looking in, it has all these like positive connotations, like even though you're quote like doing the right thing, but like man, they're doing the right. Doing anything for anyone else's reasons other than your own is exhausting is a lie and it's something that I think some people maybe can carry on for the rest of their lives. You know, they're just so okay, or they have this special ability to just like this is what you do, this is what my dad did, this is what my friends did, this is my. You know everyone else did or told me I'm supposed to do.
Speaker 3:I think I believe in, I'm just going to keep doing it. I'm going to get married, I'm going to have the two and a half kids, I'm going to have the job and stick with it for 20 years and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I just realized how, like inherently, that was against my like core. And yeah, and unfortunately, it took like quite literally my entire life crumbling around around me to to realize that. But once I did, it was the greatest gift ever, because then I was given the opportunity of rebuilding and building really a life of my design for the first time and at that point, in like 36 years, this is so crucial.
Speaker 1:I mean, we are literally getting to the root of why I love these conversations and why I am taking the lens of addiction and widening it so much. Am taking the lens of addiction and widening it so much because, if you peel away my story of addiction right At the root of it, the thing I was addicted to was feeling in control. As long as everything outside of me looked a certain way, I was okay. My why, like yours, was external to me. Reason I did everything was so that you could love me, that you would think I was pretty enough and thin enough and smart enough, right. And it wasn't until my why came from inside of me, from my own crisis, that I started to heal and create a life by my design.
Speaker 1:Our stories are the same right Stories of pit to peak and grit to grace. This is what they are birthed from, regardless of what that outside why is. It's the same thing, right. And it's so important to share this part because I don't know why, spiritually, pain has to be the circuit breaker so much of the time. Pain has to be the circuit breaker so much of the time, but it often does, you know, to set us on a path that is uniquely our own. That is the one we're here to live by. It's really deep, and I also, you know to, to the part of you that is touching on something so important I want to speak to. I then made a post that said I call bullshit okay and here's I love where this is going right.
Speaker 1:But here's the thing, it's very elusive.
Speaker 1:Like you want, you know, you want to come on here, and we're talking about mindset, we're talking about positive mindset and yet, and yet this whole life you created and that you lived was built off of, in some ways, an empty vessel, because that's not the truth of our lived experience, that's not the truth of our full humanity, because when life shows up and serves us, the hardest thing, which is grief, which is something we are utterly powerless over, but everything we've built with our positive mindset we've had some power over creating, and now it collapses.
Speaker 1:In the face of this loss, what are we left with? Not just good vibes only because the vibes ain't good, they hurt like hell. Good and bad vibes, good and mediocre and bad and joyful and painful vibes only right, and that this is not an either or life, that the life of someone who is mindfully moving through the world is both, and you will both experience great bouts of joy and the depths of sorrow If you want to do this thing called life and be awake and aware as you walk through it, mm hmm.
Speaker 1:And so it is so important and this is my whole ethos is cutting through bullshit that is unidimensional, because I've tried it, I've tried to live that way and it just doesn't work and it isn't real, especially because everyone's time is borrowed here and every single person listening to this. This is not to be morbid, this is just to be real. We're all going to lose people we love. We don't know when and where and how, and the question is going to be if we're working on a growth mindset, how do we show up, yeah, in those very, very painful places so that we can feel what we need to feel and let the whole body sob and shake and consider why we're even here anymore. And every dark thing that's going to come up, let it come up. And then, when it washes over because it will and the body resets, even if it's only five minutes of reprieve, we can birth something new, instead of pretending we're okay when we're not, and living by a why that is outside of us, living by a why that is outside of us. This is why you're perfect for this podcast.
Speaker 1:And I didn't even know we were going to go here. I didn't know we were going to talk about any of this and I'm so curious. You know, as we wrap up, where we're going. You know it sounds like 2015 until now, right, we're almost at a decade out of you really being in this rebuild of who you are. Where has it taken you to do the level of soul excavation internally to go? Yes, all these things my dad taught me are a living, breathing part of my ecosystem, how I operate in the world. That's still true. How have you brought your own unique perspective and experience into that ecosystem to meet with your dads as the way you live today.
Speaker 3:I'm still working on it, like I said, you know to me, but like 36 years to get to this point and that's such a very it's a very important number because I really was cracked wide open about this three years ago Now. I'm 39 years old now and so I tell everybody I have only known who Chase truly is. I've only been connected to him and only been living for him for the last three years. So in many ways I feel like I'm three years old. I have 36 years of living for other people and that's not in a way of saying like I'm blaming other people. They forced this life on me. But it was this awakening to how much of my life was by choice, how much of my life my choice, taking ownership for that, and how much of my life I had no idea was environment, was proximity, was religion.
Speaker 3:Growing up Southwest Virginia, the Bible Belt, grew up Southern Baptist, were in church eight days a week. You know private Christian school and all these things. Somehow my parents afforded to put me in a private school, you know, and you know all these things. You know that you, that you think, are a part of what it means to have a positive mindset and to live a good life and to learn how to to move forward. And I'm not knocking religion, I'm not knocking environment, I'm not knocking anybody's you know nature or nurture, but there is immense value to be had. And just taking a moment and looking at all of that, taking yourself out of that and going, do I believe that or is this just something that I think is like like parts of it? Does the core of me, does like my soul of souls, go hell, yes, or does it have questions? Or is it a fuck? No kind of thing.
Speaker 3:And I realized that I was forcing myself in many ways to stay adherent to a lifestyle, to a belief system, to a way of thinking, way of living, way of acting, because of all those other things. And and then I, then I, what I really struggled with was just that, that middle area, that gray area, because so much of my life, like gray, doesn't exist. There is no gray. It's left or it's right, it's yes or it's no, it's it's it's right or it's a sin, it's up or it's down, it's yes sir, no sir, you know, southern Baptist chase, soldier chase, and all of these other things. I realized, oh, like there's quite a bit of my life, yet to still be discovered. That is in the gray and you know and I use this example all the time, and it's one that you know my friends and family always like to point out, so I'll just take ownership of it.
Speaker 3:Like I was that guy, they would call me, you know, sergeant tuning, or you know, officer tuning. We could be in a desert ghost town and the stop. You know, the crosswalk sign comes up and it says do not walk. There could literally be no one in sight for miles and I would be that guy standing on the side of the street, not only me, not walking, but no, no, no. What do you mean? This sign says no, don't cross the street. What are you doing? You're wrong, this is right, and then waiting for the signal to turn and then we cross.
Speaker 1:Oh, we would never be friends. I'm like the greatest Jay Walker in New York city.
Speaker 3:Now, now I'm thriving. I'm thriving in that Like I. Now. Maybe sometimes I should really look and see if it says don't walk because I might get hit.
Speaker 3:But you know, and I use that example because I think, even at the smallest level, the most seemingly trivial level, what area of your life are you following the rules?
Speaker 3:Are you following the belief system? Are you living within these parameters that you don't even know why? And so what I did was I questioned everything. I had that realization, I nitpicked and I dissected and I tore apart every aspect of my life, not from a like this is right or wrong or you know, like how could you or what, like freaking out, but just like I introduced curiosity and I introduced gray area and introduced just questions.
Speaker 3:And also, I think a big takeaway for somebody listening is it's okay and more often than not it's gonna be like this that you don't have an answer right away. Just because you question something doesn't mean you're going to get an answer. Sometimes a question you need to sit with that for a day, a week, a month, a year, and until you land on. This is what I do, this is why I do it, this is the feeling that I get, or this is the relationship to the feeling that I used to get, that I now I'm okay with, versus stuffing it down, ignoring it, and so once I began to just tear apart my life and be okay and give myself permission to just ask these questions and live in the gray and then ultimately land on my new operating system, my new belief system.
Speaker 3:In many ways that has been reconfigured and then a lot of other ways I'm still figuring it out. Like I said, I feel like I'm three years old right now and I kind of might have want to gone and I kind of went on a little bit of a tangent there. Excuse me, but I hope I'm answering your question directly. But I think that's really what my life has been like the last few years and what it took to have those prompts and what the work looked like. It has been a complete ph. You know Phoenix burning to the ground and you know, in some ways, many ashes still on the ground, but in many other ways I have just been like flying.
Speaker 1:I mean, to which I will say two things. One, much to our dismay, we never graduate from our spiritual curriculum here on earth. There will always be ashes and a rebuild and a revision of who we are, a refining of who we are, and I think that that's okay.
Speaker 3:And the second point is Second point is in my lived experience everything that means anything happens in the gray. Where can people find you?
Speaker 1:Chase, you can find me now, jaywalking all over West Hollywood.
Speaker 3:Yes, me too. You can find me getting into all kinds of shenanigans and questioning everything all over Los Angeles. But yeah, I host Ever Forward Radio Again, keeping with the theme of my late father's philosophy, been doing that now, january 2024, we'll be hitting our eight-year mark. So that's you know. I have two main pillars there. We talk about physical and mental resilience, a lot of health, wellness, personal development and, just you know, I look for people like yourself, samantha, that have that ever forward mentality to them but just have unique areas and expertise and leadership and just doing cool things in the world. And yeah, so ever forward radio anywhere you listen to podcasts and then I'm probably sharing too much personal information of this gray area spiritual journey on social media, on Instagram, at Chase underscore tuning.
Speaker 1:Don't worry, Chase Vulnerability is trending.
Speaker 3:Sometimes my wife is like, do you have to share everything? And I'm like I kind of do I kind of do.
Speaker 1:I mean, my husband's always wondering that he's like are you seriously going to put that in your book?
Speaker 3:It's so funny, I'm so sorry honey.
Speaker 3:My my time in the military. Uh, I actually I had the highest level security clearance one could get. I worked in military intelligence for many years and I worked in that field my entire career until I got injured. And you know, having the top secret security level clearance and just doing things that you know I'd tell you more but I have to kill you, kind of thing. And now I look at my life where I literally just I tell everybody everything all the time, probably to my own dismay sometimes. But I'm like man, that career would not have worked out, I would not have worked out the end. So it's a good thing it ended.
Speaker 1:I think you're exactly where you're supposed to be, Chase.
Speaker 3:I wholeheartedly believe that.
Speaker 1:Well, such a pleasure to talk to you.
Speaker 3:Thank you for having me. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for coming on and I can't wait for the listeners to hear this and to find you and follow you and learn from you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and probably by the time this is out or soon after. Yeah, come check out the other side. You know you're a guest on Everford Radio. We'll have that out for everybody. So, you get both sides of the microphone here with your show in mind Hell.
Speaker 1:Besides the microphone here with your show in mind. Hell yeah, let's go ever forward, baby.
Speaker 3:Always.
Speaker 2:Bye.
Speaker 1:How do I stop the recording? It's right here.
Speaker 3:Hold on, excuse me.
Speaker 2:Waking up. I hear the desperation call. I turn my back and hit my head against the wall To meet a crucifix. To take me to my knees, Whipping my mistakes. To jump over the grief. Breaking the circuit, Making it worth it. Oh, Sick and tired of the voice inside my head Never good enough. It's leaving me for dead. But perfection's just a game of make-believe. Gotta break the pattern, find a new reprieve. Breaking the circuit.
Speaker 4:Making it worth it all. High and red to make a change. High and big, bigger than my pain. There's no deep inside. I gotta let the light.
Speaker 2:I can be brave and afraid at the same time. Practice self-compassion, start to calm my mind, taking tiny steps To loving all of me. Trust the process, cause it's gonna set me free, breaking the circuit.
Speaker 4:Making it worth it. I am ready to make a change. I am bigger than my pain. There's no deep inside. I got nothing like Gotta gotta gotta break it. Come on One, two, three. I am ready to make a change. I am bigger than my pain. There's no deep inside. I gotta live the life. I am ready to make a change. I am bigger than my pain. There's no deep inside. I got the the vibe.