Dr. Samantha Harte is a speaker, best selling author, coach and sober mom of two. She is here to tell the truth about her life, which requires telling the truth about her addiction: how it presents, how it manifests, and how it shows up again and again in her recovery. This podcast is one giant deep dive into the truth about ALL TYPES OF addiction (and living sober) to dispel the myths, expose the truths, and create a community experience of worthiness, understanding and compassion.
If you are a mompreneur and are looking for a community of like-minded women who are breaking all cycles of dysfunction and thriving in business, family, body image and spiritual well-being, join the waitlist below!
Sometimes our deepest pain becomes our greatest catalyst for transformation. In this raw, vulnerable solo episode, you'll hear the inspiring journey of how rock bottom moments became the foundation for an extraordinary life of purpose and healing.
Dr. Samantha Harte takes us through her evolution from cocaine addict to doctor of physical therapy, revealing how her near-fatal overdose occurred on the very day she was accepted into her doctoral program. With unflinching honesty, she shares how her marital crisis—born from the aftermath of addiction—pushed her to spiritual rock bottom while simultaneously birthing her successful business, Strong Heart Fitness.
The turning point came through an unexpected source: self-forgiveness. After years of self-laceration and shame, learning to make amends to herself unlocked a loving inner voice that had been silenced for decades. This voice became her guide, helping her navigate professional challenges and personal heartbreak, including the devastating loss of her sister to drug overdose in 2022.
What makes this story so powerful is how each crisis became a doorway to greater purpose—from building a thriving wellness practice to writing a bestselling book and reconnecting with her passion for music at age 40. Dr. Harte's message resonates with anyone facing seemingly insurmountable challenges: "Everything good that has happened to me is a direct result of me leaning headfirst into my pain."
You'll leave this episode understanding that rock bottom isn't physical—it's spiritual. And with courage to confront our hardest truths, we discover what Brené Brown so eloquently stated: "Only when we are brave enough to explore the dark will we know the infinite power of our light."
Welcome back everybody to the Truth About Addiction. Today's episode is solo. It's just me and, in case some of you listeners don't know this, I have now started a monthly recurring event in Los Angeles. It's called Heart Conscious Creators. It is a way to bring people together, build community and connection for anyone who is consciously creating their destiny. So it is not exclusive to the entrepreneur. You could be in the entertainment industry. You could be graduating college and having no clue what you want to do with your life, but you know you want it to have meaning and purpose. You could be a mother reinventing herself after babies.
Speaker 1:
It's a level of consciousness and mindfulness about the business of living where we put spirituality at the center of how we live, how we love, how we parent and how we work. Why am I telling you that? First of all, if you're local to LA or in the SoCal area and you ever want to come, please shoot me a message. You can find me on Instagram at Dr Samantha Hart, or send me a message on my website, drsamanthahartcom, or even book a discovery call. Also, if you want to speak at the event because now it's not just me speaking, it's other fabulous speakers there's live music, there's breakout sessions. There's goodie bags.
Speaker 1:
It's amazing so this podcast episode is actually my most recent keynote at the March event, and I focus very heavily on the time in my life when I became a physical therapist and how owning my practice came to be, which was really born on the back of a very serious marital crisis, and the evolution in my professional life as a result of what was happening in my spiritual life. I hope you enjoy it. If this episode and this show helps you, please like and subscribe and please, more than that, share it with somebody you love if you think it will help them. Enjoy.
Speaker 2:
Enjoy.
Speaker 1:
Does that sound good? Cool? Okay, it was 2010, and I graduated with my doctorate in physical therapy. And that was a really big deal, because when I was going to college, what I wanted to do was become a star and simultaneously, while thinking I was going to college, what I wanted to do was become a star and, simultaneously, while thinking I was going to get a record deal, I had a very severe cocaine addiction that, on the day I got accepted into my doctoral program, caused me to overdose and almost die. So by the time I graduated, I wasn't just a doctor. I was a few years sober. I had a new lease on life. I wasn't doing great spiritually in recovery, but I was physically abstinent.
Speaker 1:
Start a career where I was helping people and I remember coming out so naive. The amount of debt that I had was so much more than the amount of money I was making. Welcome to the medical field. I worked for a woman for a few years who allowed me to see only one patient at a time. That was so important to me, because you come out altruistically, wanting to change people's lives in the medical field, and you find out that the system is broken and you're chasing people's symptoms and you're never getting to the source of the problem. And I refused to take a job where I had to treat one to many, so I really got my clinical feet underneath me. Working for this woman. I truly have only ever treated one person at a time as a clinician, for 45 minutes or an hour.
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But three years into that job I was making $33 an hour as a doctor, which was insane, and I was $100,000 in debt. And I started to wonder where are all these people going who insurance says are well enough, but they're not. And I realized oh, they're hiring personal trainers, yoga instructors, pilates instructors, and they're paying three, four times as much to retrain their movement pattern and go to functional fitness. And I thought I can do that. Nobody teaches you in PT school about business and about branding. So I remember starting to ask some of the patients I'd built relationships with hey, do you want to just train with me? You know I had a relationship with them. I helped them through their knee pain or their back pain and they were like you do that, I'm like, now I do. So I would start to go to their house and you know, lo and behold, my boss catches wind of this and she's not very happy about it and she's like you're fired. And I was like, oh shit, because I had just enough clients to be making more money and to understand the possibility that I could change my professional trajectory, but not enough money to be okay.
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And at the same time my marriage was falling apart. Addiction's very insidious and I was an active addict a couple years into my relationship with this man and we had a story of perfect enabler meets perfect addict Two unhealed souls that fell madly in love with absolutely no tools. So I cheated and I cheated and I cheated when I was using cocaine tools. So I cheated and I cheated and I cheated when I was using cocaine and he stayed and he stayed and he stayed when he should have left. But then I got sober and I messed up his plans to leave me and we got engaged and we got married and we moved to California.
Speaker 1:
Here I am, doctor of physical therapy, got fired, I'm going to start my own business, but my marriage is falling apart and I am coming undone, because the thing about not having a spiritual center is that what I was doing was doubling down on what I could control, in this case my husband. Surely I could say or do something that would change his mind, that would make him forgive me and love me again, because without that I was nothing and I was no one. But don't you know we are powerless over people, places, things and situations. I went insane in recovery trying to change his mind. I was sleeping on people's couches for months and months and months, begging to come back home, begging for him to forgive me again, and finally a sober friend was like you need to get a place, you need to sign a lease and heal. If you're not ready to leave your marriage, you cannot live like this. So I did so.
Speaker 1:
There was a time, just before I got fired, that I lived on 9th and Wilshire, nine blocks from the ocean, in a loft apartment on the first floor of a building that was mixed use and I would take the elevator up to the third floor where the clinic was. But then I got fired. So then I lived in the loft apartment and I would go to people's houses and train them and I thought, oh shit, I wonder if I could change this apartment into a fitness studio. And all the while I'm doing this deep healing work in this apartment, because I'm at spiritual rock bottom. I'm living alone. I'm 30. My whole life is falling apart, and this is the thing about bottom. This is the thing about addiction. We see people all the time. We see people on the streets of LA dying in front of us, homeless, having lost everything. Rock bottom is unique to the individual and it is not physical in nature. It does not matter how many things get taken away from you. It's spiritual. Rock bottom is a place where you don't want to die, but you can no longer go on living the way you're living.
Speaker 1:
And me, trying to control this man in this marriage and being unsuccessful made me hit bottom. So I'm doing this deep healing work in this apartment and one of the magical things that happens is as we go through the steps which I had done, by the way, tons of times the 12 steps of recovery, which I kind of hated. And then we got to the ninth step and this woman was like have you ever made an amends to yourself? I'm sorry, what Unimaginable to me. I was a professional self-lacerator. The idea that I could let myself off the hook for anything I had said or done to this man was impossible until she gave me permission to do it. Why does that matter? Well, this was the beginning of my healing process. And it matters because when I could clear out the shame and redirect that critical voice to a more loving voice, the loving voice said you can start your own business. You got this. You see a need in the healthcare climate. Why can't you fill that need? Why not you? Well, I hadn't heard the sound of that kind of voice in decades and I was very interested in listening to her because the other one that was making me feel guilty and ashamed was killing me. That was making me feel guilty and ashamed was killing me.
Speaker 1:
So I remember my husband and I doing better. It seemed like we were really on the mend and I was in this apartment and I had an option to move back in with him. So I did. But a little voice said don't give up this space. So I didn't. This was back, by the way, when rent was affordable. I was paying $1,400 for this gorgeous loft apartment in Santa Monica. Yeah, with 16 foot ceilings. I mean impossible. Now, right, but at the time I'm like, girl, you're crazy. If you give this thing up, don't do it. And that was when I fully converted it to a fitness and wellness studio. That was the beginning of Strong Heart Fitness, which has been my business for over a decade, turns out.
Speaker 1:
I moved back home and within three weeks I find out he's in fact having an extramarital affair and I had been gaslit for two years in a row, made to believe I was insane, and I did what an angry woman would do I took all his shit, threw it out the front door and I said you move, it's your turn to be homeless for a while. And then I realized he kept coming around and memorializing our lives and leaving the ticket stubs and all the things we had done together. And I just thought man Sam, you're such a good mover, you're like a professional mover, you've done this so many times. You just go get your freedom, go get your peace, just move again. Let him stay here in this house. So within a few weeks of moving back, I packed my shit up and I moved to Brentwood and I'm sure it's over. So I fuck all the people in all the land. And it was glorious glorious, I mean I could truly if Sex and the City comes back around like season seven or whatever it is. I've got all the episodes.
Speaker 1:
It was a hilarious, liberating, important time for me, because up until that moment I felt like an animal in captivity, being punished for what I had done. And here I was scared as hell. But I knew who I was without him and I knew I would be okay. That's a big topic tonight is how do we have faith when we cannot see our way forward? But my intuition knew I was going to be fine. So I moved out and I started my business, started seeing more clients and I was self-sufficient.
Speaker 1:
And then, about eight months in to this sex spree, got the lawyers ready to file the divorce papers, my intuition showed back up and she said are you sure you're done? I was so pissed. I was so pissed. You know and this is the other part of me Are you kidding me? You know, just me fighting with myself. Are you kidding me? What do you mean? Am I sure I'm done? Of course I'm done. It's insane to even consider taking somebody back who's betrayed me at this level. It's insane. And she said if you're done, be done. I love you, I've got you, you have fought the good fight. But if you're not done, if there's something on the other side of this mess, you might have to stay and fight. Well, fast forward. That voice never went away and the image in meditation was always the same and it was me looking through a dark tunnel no end in sight, with a little match lit at the end, and I could only think that that meant there is a flicker of hope here, that that meant there is a flicker of hope here. So you might need to stay. Well, I'm happy to report not only has StrongArt Fitness expanded since then. I had two clients come in after three months in that loft apartment and they said we really like what you're doing here, we want to invest in you what? And they wrote me a check after I showed them a business plan and I got to have this beautiful, bigger space, ironically on the third floor, which was where I used to work in the other woman's clinic. And that was the beginning of an expanded version of Strong Heart Fitness, which became more of a one-stop shop for health and wellness. And there's a lot of iterations of sort of where I went from there with the business, but I trudged forward.
Speaker 1:
I learned a lot about myself on the heels of removing shame about what I was capable of when I honored my knowing and all of that was 11 years ago. My husband and I have a really happy marriage, two beautiful children and a big old house in the suburbs. I remember going to 12-step meetings while I ran my practice and that was a separate part of my life, the spiritual side of my life. And then I would treat patients. These were not addicts, these were normal people. These were high net worth people who were like I'll pay you cash to solve my problem because nobody else can. And yet, again and again, I would notice the same cycle of dysfunction wasn't as dire. They weren't about to put a needle in their arm, but they were suffering from a spiritual malady like people-pleasing perfection, hyper-productivity, hyper-vigilance, and it was killing their spirit and it was getting in the way of their body pain being cured. And I always secretly wanted to diagnose them with soul sickness, but that probably would have pissed them off and it's not why they hired me. It was like an itch that I couldn't scratch. And then the pandemic happened and a lot of the practitioners that were renting my space. It was like an itch that I couldn't scratch and then the pandemic happened and a lot of the practitioners that were renting my space left because everything went virtual.
Speaker 1:
I had a lot of time on my hands. I was thinking about how to scale my business, move it online. I was starting to feel disgruntled with what I was doing, with my work in the world, I'm sure, like a lot of us were. Who am I now? What does this mean? I just built this whole thing up and it's collapsing in front of me in real time.
Speaker 1:
And then, on March 13th of 2022, I got a phone call that my sister died of a drug overdose. I'm not the only addict in my family. I come from a very long line of mental illness, addiction and emotional cycles of dysfunction, but I was the cycle breaker. Cyclebreaker it's the most important thing I'll ever do in my whole life is break the cycle of this generational trauma and sickness. But, god damn it, I tried to save her along the way, did everything right and everything wrong. I pushed the program on her and then I led by example and by the end, I took my hands off the wheel and I just prayed to God.
Speaker 1:
And here we are the worst case scenario came to fruition and I can't tell you much about that day. I was in the Austin airport when it happened. I was with my husband. I remember collapsing and wailing and I had to get on a plane to go back to LA, blacked out, don't know anything. That happened on that plane ride, had to get on a plane the next day to go back and take care of everything. Apparently, I said to my husband on the flight I'm writing a fucking book.
Speaker 1:
Well, my intuition was very clear on that day what I was going to do. So I subleased my space out, the space that was born out of this marital crisis that my identity had been wrapped around. I said, no, I cannot serve anybody right now, and if and when I do, I'm going to put the spiritual side of wellness at the epicenter of everything. And if people want their physical body treated, we'll get to that. And I started writing a book and for two years all I did was grieve and write and grieve and write. Remember that dream of wanting to get a record deal when I was young? Well, the universe works in mysterious ways. I don't have a record deal, but I'm living in the suburbs right Now, happily married, writing this book, and I had taught dance in gyms for many years in my 20s and I was way too good for that now and I joined an equinox in Westlake Village.
Speaker 1:
I went to this dance class two times. The second time I went, the teacher said you guys, I'm really sorry, I I'm getting moved to Glendale, so this class may or may not exist. We're gonna need to find a new teacher. And I, my hand just went up and she was like we've been watching you and your moves. We were wondering if you might be willing to teach long story short. I teach and within three months this man with bleach blonde hairs, sort of creeping on the outside of the class one day it was like 30 minutes into this dance class and I'm like, oh my God, is this guy going to walk in halfway through the class? So rude. And if he does, he's either going to crush it and be some professional dancer that's like I don't need to come in for the first 30 minutes or he's just a fool and so he walks in, crushes it right Afterward. I'm like who the hell are you and where did you come from? We're not in North Hollywood at Millennium, we're in the suburbs in an equinox. What are you doing here?
Speaker 1:
Turns out he used to have a record deal when he was young and he's a solo artist now. And I said do you have a choreographer Just curious Cause you see, when you lose people you love, if you're strong and brave through the pain, you have a level of courage and I don't give a fuck that nobody can take from you. I didn't give a fuck if he said yes or no. And he said no, I don't, I said, well, I would love to take one of your songs and choreograph something to it and just see what you think. And if you want to hire me for a gig, awesome. So I did and he did.
Speaker 1:
And at 40 years old, with two babies at home, I went on a two week tour to five different cities in Japan, shaking my ass and whipping my hair like a fool, and I started making music again because he heard me sing and he's like can you sing? I'm like kind of, I love it, I'm just raw, I don't have training. He lives five minutes from me. So we started making music. That led to meeting other people who are incredible in the music industry, one of which is here tonight and I started making real music. I started making music that corresponds to the messages in my book. It's actually an album and I'll tell you something writing this book.
Speaker 1:
This book isn't just the stories of my life. This book became something much bigger. Just the stories of my life. This book became something much bigger, which wasn't the initial plan. But when I thought, why am I writing this book? It's because I want to help as many people as possible. Okay, then, what helped you? When I worked the 12 steps in that marital crisis in a modern, practical way, when I didn't focus on alcohol and cocaine, when I focused on I'm powerless over my husband, whether he'll ever forgive me or not, when I made the amends process about forgiving myself first, everything changed. So that's what this book is going to be.
Speaker 1:
My book is out now. It came out last year. It's a bestseller in lots of different categories, which is insane and amazing. It's in your gift bag, on your chair, so if you haven't read it, please take it home with you. If you have a copy already, please give it to somebody who could use it, to somebody who could use it.
Speaker 1:
What I need you guys to know is that, if you are playing small in your life, stop stop hiding, stop caring what people think, stop ignoring your intuition, stop living at 50%. The world needs your light. It needs your light, but in order to get it. You have to confront your hardest things. You have to be brave beyond measure. Everything good that has happened to me is a direct result of me leaning headfirst into my pain. I'm going to leave you guys with my absolute favorite quote by Brene Brown. If you don't know her work. She's written a ton of New York Times bestselling books and her work is incredible. Owning our story is hard, but it is not nearly as difficult as running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love, connection and joy. Only when we are brave enough to explore the dark will we know the infinite power of our light. Thank you.
Speaker 2:
Waking up. I hear the desperation call. I turn my back and hit my head against the wall. Don't need a crucifix to take me to my knees. I'm whipping my mistakes to jump over the grief. Breaking the circuit, making it worth it. Oh, sick and tired of the voice inside my head Never good enough. It's leaving me for dead. But perfection's just a game of make-believe. Hey, gotta break the pattern. Find a new reprieve.
Speaker 3:
Breaking the circuit, making it worth it. Oh, high and red to make a change. I am bigger than my pain. There's no deep inside.
Speaker 2:
I got love to fight. I can be brave and afraid at the same time. Practice self-compassion, start to calm my mind, taking tiny steps to loving all of me. Just a process, cause it's gonna set me free, breaking the circuit.
Speaker 3:
Making it worth it. Oh, I am ready to make a change. I am bigger than my pain. There's no deep inside. I got the, the life.
Speaker 2:
I got the the life. Gotta gotta gotta break it, or fake it till we make it. Gotta gotta, gotta break it.
Speaker 3:
Come on One, two, three. I am ready to make a change. Come on One, two, three. I am ready to make a change. I am bigger than my pain. There's an awe deep inside. I got the, the vibe.
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