How to Quiet The Shame And Reignite Your Creativity with Dr. Sam

What if the end of everything is the beginning of anything? This keynote takes you from a risky leap into the spotlight, through the spiral of addiction and the false safety of perfectionism, to an honest, intuition-led recovery that rebuilt purpose from the inside out. I share how dropping out to chase performance dreams collided with numbing habits, how academic success couldn’t protect a hurting heart, and why sobriety without self-forgiveness still leaves the soul starving.

The turning point came when I expanded powerlessness beyond substances to people and outcomes. Working the twelve steps through a trauma-aware lens opened a door I didn’t know existed: making amends to myself. That single act cut shame down to size and let intuition speak. From that voice came new moves—launching a practice that filled the gap between discharge and real healing, naming the quiet addictions of people-pleasing, hyperproductivity, and perfectionism as a form of soul sickness, and designing care that treats the body without abandoning the spirit.

I also talk about losing my sister to overdose and choosing to recover out loud by writing a prescriptive memoir that modernizes the twelve steps for everyday life—traffic jams, hard conversations, career pivots, and profound grief. Creativity reentered the chat through a suburban dance class that led, unexpectedly, to choreographing and touring in Japan, and to a love of public speaking that now includes a corporate keynote on emotional ROI. If you’re navigating addiction, heartbreak, or the quieter compulsions that steal joy, you’ll find a practical, compassionate framework for change and a reminder that courage compounds when we act on our intuition.

If this resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so others can find the show. And if you want to go deeper, check the show notes for a link to book a free discovery call.

To book a FREE discovery call with Dr. Harte, click the link below:

https://calendly.com/drharte/free-discovery-call-w-dr-harte

Chapters

• 0:00 Setting The Stage And Intent
• 1:08 Guest Intro And Community Energy
• 2:08 Gratitude Reframes And Connection
• 3:54 Dropping Out To Chase Stardom
• 5:18 Addiction, Rejection, And Return To School
• 7:10 Sobriety Starts And Marriage Strain
• 9:20 Powerlessness Beyond Substances
• 11:10 Self-Amends And Lifting Shame
• 13:00 From Clinic Work To Entrepreneurship
• 14:30 Naming Soul Sickness
• 15:40 Loss, The Book, And A New Mission
• 17:10 Modernizing The Twelve Steps
• 18:10 Reclaiming Dance And Creative Risk
• 19:20 Touring Japan And Creative Renewal
• 20:30 Corporate Keynote And Closing Quote

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Welcome back, everybody, to the Truth About Addiction. Today's episode is a solo one, and it is my most recent keynote from my Heart Conscious Creators event, which was held at such an iconic venue called the Canyon Club in a place called Agora Hills, which is the suburbs outside of Los Angeles, close to where I live. And man, I loved this talk. If you know my story, it'll be a familiar talk. There's always some differentiating elements because I don't memorize my speeches. I have a sense of what I want to get through. I have an arc of the story. I have takeaways and things that I want the audience to really go home with. But other than that, it's whatever intuitively comes out of me. And so I'm like a channel for God when I'm up on stage. I'd be so curious to know what you think. This talk felt really good, it felt really powerful. And what you'll hear after the intro song is a friend of mine who has a couple of magazines and a really robust PR firm giving me a very sweet intro to the stage and then the talk. So enjoy, please like and subscribe. Send the episode to a friend if you think the talk will help them. I cover everything from overcoming addiction in a very literal sense to overcoming the subtleties of addiction and really creating a life filled with joy, meaning, and purpose. Enjoy, and just remember in the show notes, as always, there is a link to book a free discovery call with me. So if you want to connect more intimately, just go click the link, and I'll see you guys soon to uplift you, make you sick, wholesally make you feel, or help you heal, and find self-love.

SPEAKER_04: 2:25

Because that's what she's done for herself. And as we all know, we want to surround ourselves with people that uplift us. Because there's so much negativity in the world that if we don't align ourselves in the space we need to be in, we will never have the reinforcement to be who we really are. And that's why when I was asked to introduce her tonight, I was so happy because it is an honor to uh uh talk about someone, honor someone, and to support someone who has similar beliefs in my me, my organization, my community that we've brought here tonight.

SPEAKER_02: 3:17

Isn't this place cool? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 3:19

Well cool. That's right. And then everyone gets to blend together, they get to work together, hopefully, they get to share, they get to have similar experience. And they get to heal. I did a podcast recently and they asked me what I would tell my younger self for the success I've become. And I said heal first thing. That's the secret to success. Which is once you've healed, you love yourself enough to be yourself. You love yourself enough to not be afraid to go for success, to go for deals, to go and live your dreams. And tonight our host is living her dreams. So without further ado, I would love to introduce motivational speaker, author, best-selling author, actually, for her book. If you can get a hood tonight, yes, give it up for that. I met her then. And holist and coach who I've learned so much from in body healing, just go into an aerobics class or something. I know every time I see her, I learn something. I mean, what else do you want in life? And I met women here tonight, actually. They were telling me, oh, I went to a retreat with her, and I learned so much from her and somebody else's retreat. That is a leader. So without further ado, Dr. Samantha Hari.

unknown: 5:09

Yeah. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04: 5:13

I love you. Thank you. You deserve that.

SPEAKER_02: 5:18

Oh my goodness. Hello, everybody. Welcome to Heart Conscious Creators Christmas edition. I have been throwing this sweet little event for about a year and a half now, and it has morphed and changed, and it's a lot less about me and a lot more about you. So before I tell you a story, can somebody just tell me one thing they're grateful for? Just shout it out. Oh, breath in his body. Fantastic. Somebody else, something you're grateful for. Self-worth. Amen.

SPEAKER_00: 5:58

My cat.

SPEAKER_02: 5:58

Your cat's animal love. I got doggies at home. We love the doggy love, unconditional love. How about something you're grateful for that you don't have and you don't want? Anybody? Oh.

unknown: 6:17

I'm grateful in my family.

SPEAKER_02: 6:20

Oh, that was the first part of the memo? She's grateful for her family that I think she does want. Just a hunch. Something that you don't have that you don't want.

SPEAKER_04: 6:34

Everything.

SPEAKER_02: 6:36

The reason that I'm saying that is because I was having a conversation with a friend recently, and he shared a quote, and that was baked into the quote, and I thought, God, what a nice gratitude reframe. When things are really dark and really hard, and it's hard to see the silver lining. Sometimes the best we can do is think about something we don't have, maybe a terminal illness that we don't want. And it's enough to shift our energy, right? The other thing I just want to say that I heard that I love is that we haven't yet met all the people that are gonna love us. Yeah. And by the way, some of those people might be in this room.

SPEAKER_00: 7:29

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_02: 7:31

So for a second, for a second, I need everybody to turn to someone they do not know and introduce themselves and ask them a question. So go ahead, do your thing. Because this event is not actually about me, it's about you. No, but there is gonna be there's gonna be a lot of time. There's gonna be a lot of time to connect. And it's very intentional. But first, but first, I need to tell you guys a story. Back in 2002, I did something that shocked the people that knew and loved me, and I dropped out of Boston University to pursue my dreams of becoming a star. Mama was not happy. She really wanted me to get the degree because nobody could take it from me. It was my safety net, and I was really good in school. But god damn it, when I saw Britney Spears with the snake around her neck at the VMA, I was like, move over. Okay. So I moved to New York City and I start the audition process, and I see something about being a go-go dancer in Atlantic City, New Jersey. Now that was not the dream, okay. But I was like, I got that one. Let me just get my feet wet in this audition pool, right? I go, I can see the guy who's hiring. He loves me. I'm like, oh, I got the job. I get the job. Now, I just need you guys to know one thing. I was dressed, just not with that many clothes. Okay. I've had to explain to so many people wait, you were a what? I wasn't a stripper, I was a go-go dancer. You know, we had a little something covering us up. So I would take the Greyhound bus for hours from Port Authority, New York City. If you know you know, I'm from Brooklyn, New York, all the way down to Atlantic City, New Jersey. And once I got there, it was like a star was born. Every girl was so talented. Every girl wanted to be the next Britney Spears. I felt like I had arrived. And then I fell in love. I fell in love with a guy. I know, ugh, that's not what this story is about, though. The guy's actually in this room, he's over there. But I also fell in love with drugs and alcohol. Because there was a voice in my head that was so unrelenting that said, You are not smart enough, you are not pretty enough, you are not capable enough. And the drugs and the alcohol anesthetized it. And so, good luck trying to pursue stardom with a little drug and alcohol problem. The rejection nearly killed me. Cocaine nearly killed me. And I went back to school because school was so safe. It was so seductive. It's an if this then that equation. If you study hard enough, then you'll get the A. If you get the A, you'll pass with flying colors, top of class. If you graduate top of class, you'll definitely get the job. And that's what we want. We want a surefire, stable life, right? But I got the degree and it wasn't fancy enough. So I went back to school and got a doctorate. Woo! Dr. Hart, hello. Now don't get me wrong, I love the doctor in front of my name. Okay. And I love the body. But I also walked away from the creator that was inside of me. Because I was so afraid to take the risk external to me because I wasn't safe yet inside. My drinking and drugging came to a screeching halt when I almost died. Got my button to a 12-step meeting, sat in the back with my arms folded and thought, nope. I don't drink like you, I don't look like you, I don't use like you. I don't need this framework, this God thing you guys are talking about. I grew up in a house where there is no such thing as God. And the only person you can count on is yourself. So if you can teach me how to drink and use like a lady, okay. But all this other stuff about changing who I am and what I believe, it's for the birds. So I had a fancy degree. The guy I fell in love with in Atlantic City became my boyfriend, then my fiance. And then we decided to move to LA. And it felt like a fresh start. Newly sober, Dr. Hart, got the man by my side, got my first job treating people one-on-one. And then my marriage started to fall apart because this was the guy that was with me on the front end of my addiction. He had seen me at my worst. And all the wreckage from what we had been through showed up on the front end of our marriage. And when it did, oy, did I try to control and manage and manipulate him. Surely I can say or do just the right thing to change this man's mind and make him love and forgive me again, because then I'll be okay, right? And all of a sudden, this deeply ingrained coping pattern of trying to perfect the world around me that had worked so well as a young girl growing up in a volatile house that had worked so well in academia was collapsing. Because perfectionism doesn't work with matters of the heart. There is no if this then that pathway through heartbreak, betrayal, grief. So now what? Well, lucky for me, I stayed in those twelve-step rooms begrudgingly, worked the steps as best I could without a sense of faith, other than my ability to control everything, until this moment. When a woman came in my life and she said, What if we do the steps on your marriage? Tell me more. Well, you know you're powerless over drugs and alcohol, you're clear on that. But what if we investigated powerlessness over people, places, things, situations, your husband. Because nothing you're saying or doing is changing his mind. And it's making you insane with rage and a lack of self-worth. So if we could get you to understand that it's not up to you to control when or how or if he ever forgives you, but that what you can control is you, your attitude, your behavior, your healing. Well, we can make a brand new start. And the thing about rock bottom is that it's unique to every individual. Yours will not look like somebody else's, and it is not physical, it is spiritual. It is a place where you don't want to die, but you can no longer go on living the way that you've been living. And that's where I was. That's the beautiful thing about pain. It's a circuit breaker. It wakes us up from a sleeping state. I was unconscious, trying to manage everyone and everything. It was a survival skill for decades. And this heartbreak in my marriage woke me up. And this woman invited me to work the steps in a different way. And I remember getting to the ninth step, which is making an amends. And I was just like, I can't, I cannot make another amends to this man who I cheated on many, many times in my addiction. Couldn't you just forgive me? We're married. So much time had gone by. And she said, no, no, no. Have you ever made an amends to yourself? Well, I was a professional self-lacerator. So the answer was no. In fact, I hadn't even considered it. I didn't even know I was allowed. Why am I telling you guys this? I was five years sober with doctor in front of my name. Physically abstinent and spiritually bankrupt, miserable, lacking any sense of dignity, hope, worthiness. I was dying, a slow spiritual death. So what good was the degree in front of my name? And when I got a permission slip to forgive myself for the things that I had done that I was not proud of because they weren't a reflection of who I actually was? Well, guess what happened? The shame had somewhere to go because I shined a light on it. And then the whisper of my intuition showed up. And at first she said things like, you see that color blue? That's your color, girl. Go buy everything you can in that color. And I was like, that's weird. Because the flowers for my wedding were purple and I'm 30-something years old. Like, shouldn't I know my favorite color by now? But I didn't. And the thing about this is that it was an easy whisper to trust. Because when we get a bigger nudge to do the scary thing, like start a business. Well, we better have something behind us that we can lean against. Because sure enough, after working and building someone else's dream in their private practice, she nudged me again and she said, You should start asking all these patients where they're going. When they're discharged, because insurance decided that they're well enough, but they're only 60% better. And they actually want to be 100% better. You should ask them where they're going. And if they I don't know. You should fill the gap. So I started asking. And they were like, I don't know. I guess I'm gonna hire a trainer. Pilates instructor. No shade to the trainers if you're in the room. And I said, Don't train with your trainer. Train with your doctor. What if I start coming to your house? Do some ongoing strength and conditioning, some fall prevention. Get you to where you actually want to be. Oh, I didn't know you did that. Now my boss caught wind. She wasn't very happy. And I got fired. Strong hard fitness was born. And I've been in business since 2013. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes the boxes that they build for us are too small. And it is our job to tear them down and make one that we can fit inside of. So I had this integrative wellness center. Mostly I treated the body, but I spent time with people. Real time with people. The time that you just don't get with a practitioner. So I heard about marital struggles, job stressors. I kept seeing these strange parallels between the suffering in the 12-step rooms and the patient presentation in my clinic. These people weren't addicts in the traditional sense, but they seemed to be addicted to cycles of emotional dysfunction. Like people pleasing, hyperproductivity, perfectionism. And I called it soul sickness. It was like a chronic disease that I wanted to cure. But I didn't know how. Who was I to point out their spiritual malady? I was just their physical therapist, right? And maybe their friend. So I trudged along and I ran the practice and it was amazing, and it was in Santa Monica, and then the pandemic happened. And I had to pivot. Moved a lot of my content online, realized that I am the brand. And that I could help people all over the world. Not just in my clinic. But still, this soul sickness bothered me. There was just no clear path forward on what I was gonna do about it. And then on March 13th, 2022, I got the phone call that I had been dreading for a very long time. That my big sister Jessica died of a drug overdose. Because I'm not the only addict in my family. I was with my husband in the Austin Airport when that happened, and I I don't remember much of anything. I remember dropping to the floor and wailing like a dying animal. And then we had to get on a plane and go back to LA only for me to have to turn around and deal with the aftermath. And apparently I turned to him and I said, T I'm writing a book. So the little whisper became a roar. And I had no idea how to write a book. I didn't know anything about authorship. I just knew I had to get this story and a sea of other really hard stories out of me. I knew I had to stop recovering in silence. And I had to recover out loud. So I started writing. Writing and writing and writing. And then I got a mentor and she said, let's make a book proposal. Let's get your chapters outlined, let's get a structure together, and then you can start submitting. Okay. Well, good luck. I started submitting to the big publishing houses. Crickets. Occasionally I heard back and they said, you have a really compelling story, but unless you have a larger platform, we really don't see a way forward. Well, I was done waiting for permission. This book was getting out no matter what. It was bigger than a big publishing company giving me the okay. So I just kept writing until I had almost an entire book and I tried again. And I found my publishing family. And as we got in the trenches of the book writing about my hardest things, they said, What do you want this book to be? Is it just a memoir? Is it the stories of your life? Because if it is, that's great. But if you want it to be something else, we need to get really clear on that. And I thought, no, I want this book to help as many people as possible. And storytelling can do it. But since I have doctor in front of my name, maybe I could make it prescriptive somehow. So the question was, well, what helped you the most? When I worked those 12 steps in a modern trauma-informed way around my marital crisis. That's when the shame lifted. That's when I could hear the whisper of my intuition, which I now call God. That's when the healing began. That's what this book is. There's a secret inside of the 12-step rooms. We're the lucky ones. The whole rest of the world just has to navigate life by themselves. Or go to therapy, which is so expensive, and we get this framework that's designed for living. Well, I'm here to tell you I'm the girl who's gonna 12-step the world. But the steps are old. They're antiquated. They were written almost a hundred years ago. So I made them fresh and I made them new and I made them relevant. Just something as small as a traffic jam where you're losing your shit in the car. All the way to the person who is face down in a pit of despair because they just lost a loved one. And there's some really amazing things that happened in the time I decided to write my book. Because creativity wasn't done with me. I decided to take a dance class at an equinox in the suburbs. Guys, I grew up singing and dancing, okay? So this is not Hollywood, millennium, okay, this is Westlake Village, where you are right now. All right? So I was like, okay, I don't know what to expect from the dance class, but I go in, I do my thing. The second time I take the class, the teacher says, I'm so sorry, you guys, but they're moving me to a different location. We're gonna need a new teacher. My arm just shot up. Okay? I taught dance in a gym in my 20s. It felt like a real demotion. My ego was like, Are you seriously gonna teach in a gym? Because I had taught in some really epic studios in New York and LA. And here I was, and I just my arm went up against my will. God must have took it up there. And I start teaching, and within a few months I start teaching, this guy is poking his head in the back of the room. I mean, I'm halfway through my dance class, and I was like, if this guy walks into my class 30 minutes late, he better be a dancer. He better be so good or he's gonna make a fool of himself. He comes in the class, crushes it. And so afterward I was like, Who are you? And where did you come from? Turns out he used to be a recording artist in a really successful boy band signed to Michael Jackson and Madonna's label. Happened to live five minutes from me in the suburbs and was about to go on a two-week tour five cities across Japan. And I said, Do you have a choreographer? Because the thing is, when you lose somebody you love, you live with urgency. You stop apologizing. And he goes, No. I said, Well, guess what? I'm gonna choreograph something to one of your songs, and if you like it and you need somebody, you can hire me. Or not. I was like, okay. Win-win for him, right? He hires me. He wasn't planning on taking anybody on tour with him. Okay, the budget was limited. But I'll be damned if I wasn't gonna go on a two-week five-city, never been to Japan, tour in Japan as a grown-ass woman with two babies at home. And so I went in 2023 and had the best time of my life. I started singing again. I started dancing again. Turns out I love public speaking. Now I speak on stages all over the world. I just got back from London and gave my first corporate keynote about the emotional ROI for corporations and how that raises the bottom line. Could you imagine? Everything is possible. And the end of everything is the beginning of anything. There's a lot to get through tonight. But I want to end this talk with a quote from one of my absolute favorite authors and speakers, Brene Brown. Owning our story is hard. But it is not nearly as difficult as running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love, belonging, and joy. Only when we are brave enough to embrace the dark will we know the infinite power of our light. Thank you.