Ariah

A graduate of Gospel Rescue Mission's Recovery Program, Ariah has been clean and sober for over four years! Hear her story of transformation as she has completely turned her life around after learning how to love and committing her life to Christ. 

Transcript

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Okay, thank you for joining us on another episode of homeless to wholeness. I'm here with Ariah and I'm so excited about today because she does not know this. But she is actually the inspiration for me starting a podcast. Have you had an opportunity to listen to it yet? I have. What do you think? Yeah, I think it's amazing. I've heard rainbows I've heard Miss Alissa's and her father and I just such a good it was a good story. It was no I listened to you guys are my I'm your biggest fan. So let me tell you what happened a few months ago, we sat here for an interview, and you shared with me a little bit of what was going on with your life. And I thought it was just a huge inspiring story that I wanted to tell it, I had a passion to tell it. But I had no idea how to sit down and write this. Because it would have been like a novel, it would have been emitted many series. So all I could really think of to do is, ah, a podcast would be a great way to showcase stories like this. stories of how God enters into people's lives and completely transformed them. Because the thing about your story that is so interesting is You're an incredible woman. Thank you, I appreciate it. But the Araya of three years ago, is not the array that sitting there across the seat from today. You are a completely transformed person. Yeah, what do they say at 360? Is that all the way to? Is that the turn all the way around? You tell me? Yeah, no, it is. How do you tell that story? I mean, you know, throughout my day to day life, I tell it all the time, just in little ways to random people, people I work with, you know, people, my clients, but um, it's hard. I just I just do my best to live the will of God for my life. You know, sometimes I fail, but I get back up. Amen. Yeah. Okay, so you've been clean and sober for how long now? So it gets a little tricky. So I came in to gospel rescue mission. And when I was finally ready, and done, march 16, Gosh, 2018 I'm not going numbers. It's been like, Yeah, I think it was 2018. And so I was on Suboxone for, you know, a little over a year. And so I fought that I got off the suboxone at gospel rescue mission. You know, by the grace of God, because it was probably one of the worst things I've ever been through in my life to get off of that. And I'm, you know, was a heroin addict. I've done all the drugs and on demand by heroin was my you know, they say an NA DLC drug of choice. And so that was, and they say that that's the hardest to get off of, but, you know, I got prescribed this suboxone to help me, you know, get off of the drug, but it was its own drug, and, you know, so it was terrible. But, um, so I don't really know the date of when I got off the Suboxone. So all I usually say is that, you know, God delivered me March 16, when I went into grm. And so since then I've actually given up tobacco, and vape it's been like, I don't even know exactly, it's been like, 20 days since I quit. vaping. So, and that's nothing but God because I didn't even want to give that up. I actually fought with him. It was like, Can I just keep one thing? You know? And he's like, No, not on this road, baby ground, not on this road. Okay, so tell me a little bit about what's going on in your life. Right now. You have your three kids with you so much. Yeah, actually, I have two with me right now, my oldest daughter is on her summer vacation with her family in Phoenix, Arizona, where I'm from, you know, originally and my aunt Diane, which is the last generation of my mother, you know, besides me and my little brother. So she's spending, you know, a lot of time with her. And then her father who passed away is mother, Mama. So she's out there, living it up getting spoiled. And so I have two with me right now. And Miss Sharon, which is, you know, a beautiful woman of God, support in my life. She's babysitting them. They're swimming, and I'm here with you. Awesome. But there's a lot more going on in my life right now. Yes, work work. Okay, just keep going. Okay, so currently, I just moved into a beautiful three bedroom house. I started working for my dad. Just Monday, actually, he runs a business final touch on a shout out final touch real quick. You know, he's a he's an amazing man. He's an amazing boss. And I'm very honored to work for him. I work in the office and I help him run the office. And all the other little things that he does. He's a fast paced man, just like I am. I'm kind of a spitting image of him. Awesome. So I have my cousin who is in recovery. He's 60 days, Eric nupi. Some of you might know him. He's one of my best friends and he's staying with us. You know, doing his own thing. He actually just started working for my dad at final touch as well. So that's going good You know, I have a very good relationship with my, oh, how do I say this? I just call her my baby's mama. So it's my, it's my two youngest is dads. Other baby mama. So that's obviously you know, difficult. So I have a good relationship with her. Life is just good. You know, I seek Lord, I go to a women's group. It's a woman. Oh my goodness, Lord, help me. Woman prayer warriors. WP. Yeah, so the men's group is water walkers. And that's the woman's group to that. So I, you know, I'm in that group, and it helps me. You know, every day I go every Thursday, it helps me through every day. So one of the things I found very inspirational is that you spend a lot of your time just giving back to to the women around you, the community around you, just helping people who are in the same place that you were three years ago, oh, one recover on entrepreneurs that they gotta know is gonna get emotional. But um, it's because oh, gosh, I just, I used to not love people. You know, I used to be a very mean person like that, that Araya that well, actually, they used to call me a riot bomb, you know, because I heard that. Yeah, everywhere I go, I used to basically blow some stuff up. It was I was insane. And so I did not love people. I was mean, I was hateful. I was always ready for a fight. You know, you can ask all the staff members at grm. I've heard stories from Yes. And so and now nobody, you know, gave up on me. They showed me the love of Christ, you know. And so I just learned about love. And so I just want to lie. I just want to love the women around me and show them that there is love from God, that God that Jesus loves them. So and that they're supported, you know, man. So we've actually had a pretty difficult time, just getting together meeting like this. This is our third attempt, I think, I think it's like the fourth. There's quite a quite a lot of things just going on in your life. And then your kids got sick. And I got COVID, which is why I didn't upload last week in case you guys were wondering what happened there. I apologize. That's just the way things are right now. Well, Rainbow put it out. She was like when I had canceled for like the third time she's like, You know what? She's like, the enemy is really trying. She even says she's like, we need to pray against this. Because obviously the enemy does not want, you know, whatever you're going to give to get out there. So I was like, Ooh, that was powerful. And then I started praying and look where we're at right now. So let's talk a little bit about your background. So where are you from? Where did you grow up? I was born in San Diego. So the ocean is in my heart. It's my favorite place in the entire world. But I was raised in Phoenix, Arizona, and a little old neighborhood on 27th Avenue. And Thomas, basically my whole life in and out of that neighborhood. So just a real hard background, my dad was in prison my entire life in and out most of the time in. So my stepdad kind of raised me. I have a beautiful little brother, I have a lot a little brothers now. But when I was, you know, being raised, it was me and him. My mom was an electrician. She was also an alcoholic. And it was just rough, you know? Do just basically raised in the streets. So I don't really know how much I'm supposed to say, you know, no, no, however much you feel like you wanted to share. Yeah, well, I just don't want to glorify the old life that I come from. A lot of people do know, you know, the life that I come from. I was actually I never wasn't a gang, like officially, you know, in a gang, but I was really raised in a gang atmosphere lifestyle. Like I said, I was very mean, hateful. You know, a big fighter. And so, so what kind of led to that something must have happened in your life that really made you close off to other people. Um, I was actually still open, I was still you know, the outgoing, talkative. Araya you know, if you ever hung out with me or did anything with me, there was going to be a story, you know, like to tell. But I was just mean, and I was just hateful. I know exactly what led to it. So my life was decent, you know, until I was about 11 years old. My mom and my stepdad got a divorce. And this is the father that raised me. You know, I knew my real father. And I loved him. He was my real biological father, but he was in prison. And I was with my stepdad. And so they got this divorce. And he took my little brother, which was my best friend, took the House took everything from my mom and left me and my mom, you know, basically on the streets with our dog. And so that is where it started. No, I mean, actually, it started from my dad being imprisoned obviously, you know, that's a that's a huge underlying issue, you know, but that's, I didn't know that until later. And I started doing some, you know, some digging but mainly the divorce between my stepfather, my mother. And the fact that you know, you raised me basically since I was born until I was 11. And never not want to abandon and then he just abandoned me. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Never not once that he asked me. I mean, I wouldn't have left my mom in general. You know, I was definitely a writer for my mother. And, but he never asked me, Did you want to come with me? You know? Or what do you want to do? You know, how are you feeling? Like none of that? So that's obviously we're, you know, my heart was broken. The first heartbreak basically, what would you have wanted to have done? I would have wanted, you know, I understood at a young age, I grew up very young, very young, I was, you know, taking care of my older brother, but I mean, I understood what was going on between them. But I didn't, I didn't expect for it to end like that, like, there shouldn't have been so much hate, you know. And so just for him to ask me, I probably wouldn't went with him honestly. Or, like, maybe go at them on the weekends, just to see my little brother, you know, so it started to where I had my own apartment at the age of, I don't even know 13 And somebody else's name 14. You know, I was on drugs at 12. I was, you know, probably strung out by 13. Is that what really led to you being on the streets? You okay? Yes, my mom had given up, she didn't want to fight, didn't want to go to, you know, court and fight with him and blah, blah, blah. And I get it, you know, but she kind of gave up on life. That was a love of her life. So she kind of, you know, gave up everything for a man. And so that is what, you know, turned in my heart into stone. You know, I was like, yeah, no, that will never happen to me, you know? So, and I had to kind of just fend for myself. She was still there, you know, but she was it. So, and then you turn to drugs and alcohol, the streets alcohol running around? Yeah. Yeah. I was running from the police at 1213 years old. Yeah. Wow. And then you develop your own relationships. Do you want to talk a little bit about what happened to your, your oldest father's dad? My oldest daughter's dad. Yeah, yeah. So he was, um, we actually grew up together in that neighborhood. He was a year older than me. So he's in the grade higher than me. funny little story, I love to share with people. So it was me and my mom at this house, you know, we kept the house. But when my stepdad took everything else, me and her stayed there, you know, things weren't good. But he would ride up on his bike, and I would go run in the house. And I'm like, Mom, who I'm not here. She's like, I'm not gonna lie to that boy. And now look, you know, I got a baby by him. But he was my best friend, honestly, like, we grew up together. Okay, you know, he was my best friend. And so we we didn't start a relationship to later on, well, not later on in life, because I was only 15 at that time. But you know, I was out I had left the neighbor, like I said, in and out of that neighborhood. A lot, I would go do my own thing outside all over Phoenix, and, you know, get into the trouble that I was getting into and come back. Well, he always saved me, I would get in these little relationships with girls. And, you know, I just, I would probably have like, three, four or five relationships going on, you know, and do my own thing, selling drugs, doing drugs. And I would call him in the middle of the night, like stuck with this crazy man. And he'd come and save me. Like he would come basically tear stuff up and get me out of the situation. So he did that for a lot of years, a lot of years. And so he was just my best friend. You know, his family's my family. They always have been a lot of times his mother, just because my mom wasn't in the the mothering business, I would say she was more of like my friend, you know? And so a lot of times, I would go weeks without eating and his mom wouldn't let me leave her house was until I ate Yeah. They loved you. Yeah. Oh, they love me. They still love me. You know? And what? What was the relationship like with him when it finally did develop? Oh, we Okay, so I'm just gonna be a little honest. We were, you know, even though I still to this day, love him. He's gone. You know, rest in peace. I love him. But it was terrible. You know, this was my first I had a couple relationships. But like I said, I had like five or six going on, you know, I was running around. I never was like, settled down. I was like, I had so many different areas, you know, all over the place. But he was my first relationship. You know, when we were together for like, six years. And it was terrible. He was six foot two, we would fight constantly. He shot ak 47 at me one time. Yeah, yes. If I wouldn't have ducked the shells burned my arm. And it was crazy. But that is what I that's all I knew, you know. And so I mean, that's all he knew, as well, you know, his family was his mom and dad were you know, super. There was a lot of domestic violence and stuff like that. So that's just what we knew. Right? You know, we thought that that was love and so we were also robbing people. You know, doing very, very bad things. That's all that I knew. So yeah. So okay, let me finish real quick. So I we were together for years doing that high speed chases running from the police. You know, driving around in the newest Escalade, this was before my daughter was born in 2010. So this was 2008 2009. You know, all bad things, you know, all evil now that I know now that the blinders are off my eyes, I know that it was all evil, you know, but he, I found I was pregnant. And I tried to have a sit down with them. And I was like, you know, Annalisa Marie, that's my oldest daughter, she saved my life. She that was my first, you know, saving grace that God sent me. And I tried to tell him, I was like, you know, obviously, this is not working, I'm about to have a baby, you know, something is about to change, like, my life will change forever at this moment. And I didn't want to be with him. You know, I didn't want I knew that. That's not what you know, was supposed to be. But he was my friend. And I loved him. And so I tried to say, let's, you know, let's raise his baby. And he wasn't having it. He wasn't letting me go anywhere. So I fleed to Oklahoma. Yeah. And that's where I was there for a while, and he ended up getting locked up for a lot of the things that we're doing. He got like seven to 12. So we talked a few times here and there. But uh, he was very, like, I'm going to keep you very controlling. So I stopped talking to him for a lot of years. You know, I just had my baby. And I Yeah, so what was that, like, raising your eldest on your own? without family support? I would assume? Well, this is where I mean, it gets super, you know, obviously, a testimony is just all over the place. But so I moved to Oklahoma with my sister, she lived out there. And the plan was, you know, to be out there and change my life and get off drugs and, and I had no problem getting off drugs when I was pregnant with her, you know, but something in me was not done with that life. So my excuse was, I didn't want to have my daughter in Oklahoma. I didn't want her to be an Okie, so I told my sister I was going to draw, I was gonna go back to Phoenix just to have my baby. Let her be born in Arizona. Let her be a 602 baby, you know, represent. And then I was in to come back to Oklahoma. That did not go as planned. So I went back to Phoenix. I was doing really good for a while. I started working at a daycare because I didn't want anybody around my baby. I was going to school for my GED at the same time. I got my got me a little nice apartment, one bedroom apartment on 36th Street and Thomas. So I moved away from the west side where I'm from, and everything was going good for a long time when my dad gets out of prison. No, let me interrupt. Okay. Did you get your GED? No, I did not. I did not. I did one day. That'll come in towards the end. Okay. But um, so no, I didn't get my GED. I was working with the daycare. You know, my little perfect newborn baby was at the daycare with me. So while she was born, this is she's newborn at this point. But uh, I was pregnant with my first baby. I just have to throw this little story in there. This is like the relationship with my mom. So it's my first baby. I've never had a baby before. I'm in the hospital. You know, I'm like, Oh, nobody can come in. Nobody can come in all the sudden, it's to the point where I'm about to have this baby where I'm like, I did not care anymore. So that was like six people in my room. It was my mom, who was drinking a 40 of beer from her backpack in the hospital with the shop. Yes, it was my sister in law, which is my baby's dad's sister. The woman my mom's best friend that watch me. My mom gave birth to me. She was in there and her two kids and then two of my best friends. So I don't even know how many that is. But they were all in there. And my precious baby was born. So that was a good moment. But yeah, so they had to tell her mom to leave the hospital room because she was making my blood pressure go up. She was stressing me out. You know how to below beer there. And I was like, Mom, that would stress me out as well. Yeah. So I forgot where we're going. But can we pause a little bit? I noticed something. And maybe I'm going to ask you to stand up to because when you're sitting down, you keep hitting hear ants. Okay, can you hear it? No, you got to edit that out later. Okay, sorry. So can I have you stand? Okay. It's a nervous thing. Well, I kind of do the same thing. So that's why I do prefer to stand. You can have that it's okay. I can totally see. Now we got to fix this. And we're gonna fix this. Just have to keep kind of a good distance from it. Okay. Lord, help me doing really good. I just need to remember where we left off at because I totally don't remember. That's right. Your first my first okay okay, at that point, you're in Arizona. Phoenix. Did you ever go back to Oklahoma? Yes. There's a quite a bit before that though. Okay, well fill in the gaps. Okay. So, you know, like I said, I was doing good. I had my baby, she saved my life. Something in me. I mean, I had a little bit of hope, you know, finally somebody to love me unconditionally and for me to love unconditionally. She was perfect. And then both my parents ended up you know, moving in with me in this one bedroom apartment with their dogs. And I just arted kind of, you know, going down my regular path again, I wasn't, you know, running from police anymore. I wasn't doing that kind of stuff. But I was still maybe searching for something, you know. And so my mom was there, and she would keep my daughter sometimes, you know. And so I was back at the strip club back with, you know, people doing things and so it just kind of slowly trickled, you know, down, there's just so much. But um so then I met my other two daughters, dad, okay, this time, I didn't have other two hours, I was with him for a long time. And all that time that I was like, kind of going back towards that lifestyle. I wasn't really doing a lot of drugs like I like I was before I was like, just drinking a lot, you know, probably taking some pills, but I was doing a lot better. So me and my you making a conscious effort to stay clean for your kids? No, no, once. I mean, the only time that I did that I was pregnant. And so I stayed clean for a little bit because I was breastfeeding. And, you know, all that. And I did want to have a little bit a better of a life. So I wasn't like doing drugs. I was more of drinking and kind of taking pills here and there. But um, no, it wasn't, I did want something different for her. But I didn't even know that I had a problem, honestly, you know, I was just living, you know, I didn't know anything better. So, like you said, you were raised that way. Yeah. That was all you knew. Yeah. Neither of my parents were drug addicts. So, you know, we were raised around a lot. I mean, I was raised around a lot of people who did do drugs, but both of them were actually just alcoholics. You know, there was times where they would obviously drink and do some drugs. I, you know, caught my dad doing a line one time off a dryer, you know, so just stuff like that. But they weren't really drug addicts. I can honestly say that, you know? Where are we going? Oh, good. You were about to talk about the individual you met for the Father for the other two kids, Gustavo Jaime thought, well, that's my other. My second basically big relationship. You know, I was with him for quite a few years, too. So he kind of, you know, raised Anna from the beginning, he was like the man that was around, you know, and we were doing good for a little while. And we both got back on drugs together. So we were doing meth, I wasn't doing heroin, he would not let me he wouldn't let me do it. Which, you know, one's better than the other, whatever. But anyways, so I wasn't doing that for a while. And I ended up getting pregnant with bailiff, which is my second little queen, you know, my middle queen. And I was like, you know, I can't I was, was before I had her. We were running around running around. So when I found out, I got pregnant, I was like, I'm done. You know, I got clean. Every time I got pregnant, I got clean, for some reason, by the grace of God, you know, because obviously, that doesn't happen sometimes, you know, so I got clean, and he was supposed to get clean. And every doctor told me he's like, Okay, well, next doctor's appointment, I'll get cleaned at it. So I waited it out, I waited it out, you know, and I always knew that there should be something better a better life, you know, deep down somewhere in my spirit. Now I know. But back then I didn't know what it was. And so she was born. And he actually, instead of calling when she was born in the hospital, asked his mom to bring him up some dope to the hospital. Instead of bringing me food or flowers or so this is the life that I was living, you know, that's you're supposed to, you know, giving birth to a baby supposed to be beautiful. And, you know, not peaceful, obviously, but just a beautiful moment, you know, and that's my, that was my moment that I'll never forget. You know, he calls his mom, he's like, Oh, can you bring me something up here? You know. So after that I was done. And I once again a couple weeks later, you know, I knew I was pregnant again. My two youngest are 11 months apart, you know, and I knew I was pregnant again. I just knew it. And I hit my mom up and she's like, I can't help you. You know, you and your babies that can't come here again. You know, I will, I will send you to Oklahoma. That's all that I can do for you. Why did she get to that point? Because we were we would fight and I would come to our house and leave our apartment. And it was just toxic. You know, it was crazy. And I was just carrying my babies through all this, you know? And like, once again, I'm gonna remind you guys I was wild. Yeah, you know, I'm wild in a good way now and I use it for good things. But back then I did not. I mean, my children were safe. I love them. They were the loves of my life, but they were just living this life that I promised I would never, you know, put my children through because I went through it. And so here I am, you know, living like that. And so she's like, You can't come here, you know? And so I slept outside with my kids a verb. I mean, I obviously didn't sleep but I was outside with my kids until the next morning when she got me the ticket and I you know, I snuck out of that. My baby's dad's apartment that night. And his mom lived right underneath so I had to sneak down two flights so you left him i fleet him again yeah fleet him to was it similar circumstances to his was very abusive. And let me just say that I was not not abusive. You know, I was crazy too. So the first relationship with my with him we call him we Joe. It was abusive. and physical. And the other one was mental. You know, like my personality was just gone. You know, it was just I was just dead inside, honestly. So I moved to Oklahoma, I moved back to Oklahoma, and I moved in with my sister. She has six kids. So it's me. You know, I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I have my two babies. And I'm living with my sister in her house with her baby's dad, which, you know, we've known him forever. It's just insane. Yeah. So one night and they're, they drink and I'm pregnant. So obviously, I'm not drinking, but they drink and they fight too. It's another toxic situation. You know, it's a different area, same thing, you know? And so they get in this huge fight, and they fight over my newborn baby like they, yeah, well, she's on the way and they're fighting in the room, and they fight over my baby. So I jump in. And so I get kicked out of their house. So I go to Oh, Lord, help me remember the name. It's a little place kind of like gospers Commission in McAlester, Oklahoma, you know, and that's when I first started. I never knew about God ever. I was living this, you know, insane. I was basically living for Satan. I didn't even know it, you know. And so I learned about God there. Well, yeah. So I just started, you know, he was planting the seed once I started going to church then. And so yeah, I got my own place. I was working at Denny's until my baby was born with my two children, you know, still handling things like I always do on my own. You know, it sounds like you were doing a lot. I was doing Yeah, I was doing a lot, but I was definitely clean. You know, I was attempting to be clean. You know, there was no thought in my mind to go back to the drugs. You know, I had my I have your babies. Yeah. And so then I go start going to my I'm going to GED class, working at Denny's. I'm pregnant, and I have a newborn baby. And I have like a, I think Anna was like four at the time. And so I'm living in this little thing. It's like, it's a lot smaller. It's kind of like half of the Women's Center and with the Women's Center used to be so I'm living there. And I'm doing that. And I do gotta get my own place and doing good for a hot minute. I ended up getting my GED. Congratulate, I start going to dental school to be a dental assistant, you know, still working and going to dental school just getting my GED. I have my baby. So everything's going good, you know, but I'm still drinking slowly, and in the same cycle just repeats itself. So then this man gets out of prison and other man gets out of prison. Oh, no, yeah. And this is probably the worst every time it escalates, you know, and I get with him and just the lifestyle that he lived. He's known in this little town of, you know, moving drugs, selling drugs, being insane, beating people up, you know, and so I get with him, and I'm in a intense, abusive relationship. And that's not really a new situation, a new situation. No, but I have three children now. Yeah. So never, never have I been hit in front of my kids. You know, never nothing like that. Like I, every time I you know, I do get better, but I don't get I never learned of why I keep going back to these things. I don't learn anything. I just keep trying on my own, you know, and I really do try. It's not like, I'm not trying, you know, but I guess it's all the habits, you know, all the lies that, you know, I was growing up group that I grew up in, I'm still living in that same cycle. So and then you had not learned about boundaries, never, or knocking things out, or I have never even heard the word boundaries before. Okay, so bring us forward quite a bit into when you actually came to Tucson, and you were looking at gospel rescue mission. Okay, so I'm gonna have to stay in this spot for a couple more seconds, because that's how I got there. So I'm in this relationship couple more years, you know, and we drank, we'd go out, you know, party, my sister would still have relationship with my sister, she'd keep the girls and I'd go party, and, you know, still, I'm still doing all these good things. I mean, I'm going to school, I'm doing three different things on my own, you know, going to school working and, you know, raising three children by myself, basically. And that's a lot of hats to work. And I've got to like, applaud you here. Because I know that that program for dental assistant, that's very intense, very intense. And for you to stay up with that, and I'm going with the job with kids in a relationship, domestic violence relationship. Yeah, wow. Yeah, you were, I mean, it's nothing but God I got it was, God had his hand now that I can see like I said, those blinders again. Now that I can see he had his hand on me throughout my entire life. You know, like, I'm actually keeping it kind of like PG about what I've been through. But I should be dead on countless occasions, I should be in prison. I should not have this life that I have right now that we're gonna get to, you know, so I'm in this domestic violence relationship. And he just knows don't ever touch me in front of my children, you know, but they know what's going on. They're still their babies. You know, but I'm so crazy and I'm like, don't touch me in front of my children. We can handle what we have to handle but don't touch me. So I think in my little twisted mind, that everything's okay because he's not touching me in front of my eyes. Children, right, you know, so anyways, um, I have this friend who knows everything that's going on but she gets mad at me and call CPS on me. And so I the CPS comes into my life. You know, after all this time, CPS has never been into my life. We're weird, you know, it's nothing but God, the grace of God. And so they get into my life, and they asked me what's going on, and I tell them the truth, I'm not a liar, I never have been, you know, I'm very open. And so I tell them the truth, and you know, they take my kids. And for the first time in my life, I've never, I don't, I'm not sleeping with my children. So I go and try to kill myself. And you know, I've always struggle with depression, and I'm trying to, I find heroine again, while I get her, you know, taken away and stuff. And, I mean, I'm kind of a little off in the story, but I'm just kind of, you know, telling you the gist of it. But yeah, so I, gosh, so he, I'm kind of hiding from him, you know, and he's still trying to find me, you know, crazy stuff. He's living underneath my trailer, you know, really domestic violence stuff, like bad hardcore, and I'm just trying to just keep this together, you know. And so I finally go, oh, I, so I get back with him, you know, he finally keeps trying to find me. So I get back with him, and my kids are still in custody, and I'm trying to kill myself. And I just don't care at this point. And so I'm like, whatever, you know, he can obviously just let him kill me. type thing. Um, at this point in my life, I did not care. I don't have my children. I had given up 100% You know, never enemies. They're never, I've never wanted to give up. You know, I've always kept going kept going. I was just done. While my six year old daughter is in CPS custody, and she calls my sister. You know, they she has no idea where I'm at. But she tells the caseworker to call my her Thea or the AMI. And she calls my sister and she's like, Where's my mom? Like, tell my mom that we're right here waiting for her. Yeah, that would have grabbed my heart. I grabbed my heart. So I so my sister calls me and she's like, What are you doing? You know, what are you doing? And I'm just running the streets trying to kill myself, not caring, you know, my life has gone they took my life, you know. And so I get caught with him. I have warrants out for something that we me and him did got in trouble for. And I go to jail for 12 days. And so I started reading this book, one holy fire. It was a one of the only books that was in there. It's called one holy fire. It's Nicky Cruz. And God told me this before I even knew that God could speak to me like this. You know, something told me something told me that I was not going to get out of jail until I finished this book. And I was supposed to get art out my lawyer. I have a lawyer and everything you know. And I go to court like six times I go to court on orange for CPS, you know, most embarrassing moment of my life. I'm in shock in like, what are they called? It's not shackles, I guess it's shackles my feet and my wrist. Belly chain. Yeah, well, handcuffs is what I meant, whatever. So I go to court for my children, CPS. And there I just look terrible, like, uh, you know, the worst mother in the world. And so I go back, I go to court like four more times. And like, you know, those 12 days, and my lawyer just keeps doesn't showing up, doesn't show up doesn't show up. The moment I finished this book. They called my name on the little button and said, your son or daughter I. And so that was my first like, experience with God. Like, I was like, Whoa, you know. And so I went out and I went into this faith based ministry place because I knew that I couldn't go back to my sisters. I knew I could not go back to that man, because those are the my only options. My sisters were you know, they're getting messed up, nothing's changing. They're this abusive relationship. He'll take me in, he will come and pick me up from the jail. You know, but yeah, what's down? So the only support that I have is this. So I'm like, You know what, God and so this place opens up, it's a ministry. You have to live there, no phone, no smoking, kind of like Teen Challenge, you know, and I was there for nine months, I got my children back in six got them reunification, and six. When I went back to court, the judge was like, I've never had anybody get their case closed as fast. And so I was there. I finished the program nine months, I still have a good relationship with them. You know, First Lady, Marilyn, and her husband, so that's why I'm starting to get this sense of God fighter God. Amen. That too. Yeah. Yeah, so God, just you know, and I'm not gonna say that I got to where I'm at right now right then and there. No, God was in my life, you know? And so I did that nine months, you know, they wanted me to live there like basically forever and become like a pastor's wife and all that and that's not what it really what I wanted at the time, you know, I was I was like, No, I'm gonna go live for God on my own. I'm gonna go here to get my place again. And I did I got me a house. I started working. I did not get to finish dental school because of that. I got a drug charge. And so they didn't let me finish. And then he ends up going to prison for something else. When he gets out. I started another relationship. I have my new house same cycle. still drinking you know, it was time to We met where I was doing really well, but ended up back there. When he gets out of prison and shows up at my house. It's a small town, and literally in the middle of the night beats the crap out of me and my new boyfriend that I've been with for six months at this point, with brass knuckles in front of my children. Well, yeah, out of nowhere, and it's so intense heard from him spoke to him nothing. So I had to leave my home, I had to leave a three bedroom home, go get a hotel and call my dad, the one I work for now. Okay, what condition were you in physically, though? I was. I don't even not explain it. Once again. I was just like, why, you know, why am I here? Again, like, I just keep trying grind drying? And I just why am I here again. So my boyfriend at time actually thought that I set them up. So that it was a lot going on. You know, my children jumped in on the fire part. Yeah, again, all fell apart. I'll get it. Like I have created this these lives hundreds of times, you know, hundreds of times. But yeah, so they all fall apart at the end of the day. But something happened. So yeah, so I called my dad and I'll tell him I looked at I gotta get out of here. You know, I have to flee from a man again. You know? And so I did, I came out here and I was still just super depressed. You know, my family knew that I was on drugs. But I was trying, it was just intense, I don't even know. So that didn't last I lived at my dad's in my step, mom's for a little bit. And we ended up getting in a fight and I had to leave there. And so that's how I ended up at gospel rescue mission. I actually ran around my aunt, with with my aunt here in Tucson for a couple months with all three of my children doing drugs. So they were living with me different places just following me everywhere. And I was just like, oh my god, you know, what, what has my life come to? I had always had a home. You know, me and my kids always had a home. I always worked. And so I just had nowhere to go, like, you know, had never been like that. It's just my life. I was just digging myself into a deeper hole, deeper hole. No matter how many times I tried to crawl out. I was just digging deeper, deeper. So I ended up a cost price commission for the first time. tore up from the floor up. Yep, yep. I've heard those stories. Yeah, you were famous over there. Yeah, I was famous over there. And so well, I wasn't ready. I still didn't have a problem. I was like, No, I just need a job. You know, I just needed a job. And I knew my own home, you know. And so I did that again. I did it again. And but this time, I didn't bring a man into the situation. You know, I didn't get in another relationship. I was still having a long distance relationship with his name's Tyrell, which, from what I hear, he's still doing good and following the Lord in his own way. But we were doing recovery on different states together, you know, and I just believe that it wasn't, you know, God's will for my life. But God bless him, and I love him. And I hope for the best for him, you know, but, uh, so I was in that relationship. So I feel like that kind of kept me from, you know, getting into another one. You know, it broke you out of the pattern, the pattern? Yeah. So I still had this relationship, but we weren't really in relationship. It was, you know, and so that lasted, I got my own place and everything, but I got on drugs. And I was it never even became a home at this point. You know, I got this little place, but it wasn't even a home. It was just a place where you slept at night. Yeah, there was evil spirits. Like, you know, because I had because I had met God at this point. You know, I was, I was being held accountable. I felt like, you know, and so, let me ask you this. Did you come to a place where you were in relationship with him? Did you come? Yeah, no, the living Savior? Yes. Yes, I had. I had given my life over to God in that in that program. You know, I was worshiping the Lord and I loved it there. You know, I loved it. And, but something in me just kept wanting to go back. You know, obviously my flesh. I mean, I don't know if I wasn't ready. I'm 100% I hadn't I'm such a strong person that I really truly hadn't hit rock bottom. Even though all of these things should have been somebody's rock bottom. They were I'm not even telling the full story. They were insane. But from this story, I'm totally getting the sense of the fighter deep down in your heart you have this this fire and it's all or nothing Yeah, it's I'm gonna do things my way Yeah. And to learn how to surrender to that oh my lord. It's hard so i were i was i you for the first time you came for GRE you came to grm didn't quite work out. You were doing okay in this place, but it wasn't really home. Oh, yeah. Okay, so I'm using my girls are going to school right down the street. I'm not really working. I'm doing a couple like like side jobs cleaning. I've always done that. cleaning houses, it was always my thing that I got by when I didn't have a job. I will clean houses and stuff. I would always hustle make make, you know, make away and One Night. Something just told me that I was going to die. You know, I was doing heroin at this time. Nobody knew I had a couple little support that I was lying and You know, but you could tell I was crazy, you know, and I still had my children through all of this. All this domestic violence all this drug addiction, alcohol addiction, fighting people, my front yard. My oldest daughter would take her sister to the room when she when she knew that I was about to get to a certain level have about to beat somebody up or do something crazy. She learned how to read the room. Yes, she's like, come on, it's gonna run. Let's go play. And she would you know, watch her sisters. Wow. Yeah. So, so something told me and I called Stephanie Gerber. Probably like, at two o'clock in the afternoon, and I was like, listen, I cannot stay out here another weekend, I'm about to die. And my girls are gonna be left alone, because literally the next time I get home, I'm gonna die. And she's like, okay, you know, I finally admitted that I had a problem. This was the first moment. I was like, I have a problem. I'm going to die. You know. And, and I knew why. But I just felt a spiritual attack. Like, it was crazy. It was crazy in that house that night. And so um, so I sold everything in my house. This time, I had big screen TVs, washers and dryers, all kinds of stuff. And so I made a whole bunch of money before I left. And at 10 o'clock at night, I showed up with like, six huge totes of like house stuff. And I was I was like, literally on drugs. And they still brought me in. I came in, I came in and some short shorts. Probably my butt cheeks were hanging out, not probably I'm gonna tell the truth. They were you know, and she's like, you can't be wearing that. I was like, Well, you know, God says show up as you are. Just I was wild. I was wild. I'm here. And so yeah, that was the beginning of my actual recovery, the first time that I would ever, you know, been in to recovery, I had been these places and stuff like that. And I've been clean points in my life. But never not once. Was there a What did they call it in a they call it a reservation? There was never, not once a reservation in my mind to not go back to drugs. Never. or alcohol or, you know, I was going to be smoking weed till the day I died. was the first time you said I needed help. I needed to get clean? I can No. You had been to other recovery programs before. So tell me what is different. Specifically about gospel rescue mission. I surrendered my life. So actually, there's a huge part that I'm missing. The reason why I even finally got to that point, my mom died. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. So I was out there. And my mom was sick. She has, she had cirrhosis of the liver, but she also had lupus. So she's had lupus for a long time. And she would never quit drinking never got our medicine. So we know it's coming, you know, but I just kind of avoided it. But yeah, so my mom died. And so that was my breaking point. Well, that's when I was at that apartment. And my I was just done. You know, done. Never I didn't even want to make my own mom again. Yeah, so I can't believe I almost forgot that part. was probably the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my life. I, my neighbor had lupus. So I saw her deterioration. I know what that looked like. And it's an extremely hard battle to slowly lose your mobility. Mentally, it's hard. So it's hard to watch someone you love. Go through that. What did that do? For you emotionally to see her go through? I wouldn't handle I was very mean to her very meaner because she wasn't herself anymore. And so my mom was never a crier. And that's honestly where I get it from. I don't cry, don't get emotional. And so like, she would be crying all the time. And I'm like, What are you crying for? I was just really meaner. You know? And this I was still in my addiction, though. You know, I wasn't. I didn't love God's people yet. You know, I didn't understand you. It was to honor your mother and father. I loved my mom. She was my favorite person in this entire world. You know, no matter the toxic no matter. You know, she wasn't a perfect mom. She was honestly a crappy mom, you know, but she was the best person in my life. Like she made me who I am today. So that's profound. Yeah. And so I was just finally surrendered. At that point. I lost my mom. She was everything to me. And so that's when I went into God's pricing mission. And I was like, sir, I had finally let go of that fight. Then, but even once you were still no, even once you were there, there was still a little bit about that fight. Left. Yeah, you were a little rebellious. Yeah. I had some budding head. I was just very combative. I was very defensive. You know, I had to protect me in mind my whole life from a lot. And so I had never worked on myself in my life. It was you just had me this was a riot bomb. And you had me and if you didn't like it. What? Yeah. So So what Slowly melted that hardest stone. You know what? I can honestly say that grm did your I'm dead because never not once. They still loved me. I was mean, I never, you know, I didn't care about other people. I mean, I did. I still had, you know, my heart, but I just was very mean. You know, and they love me. They showed me grace. Miss Mary, she put up with a lot. Mary's awesome. Yeah. So it was the people at grm you know, the staff members at grm volunteers to you had a friendship with one of the volunteers, so I still have good friendships with them. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, and was there anything specifically that you learned that really helped you through your recovery without getting off? Okay, boundaries, you know, that class that class you start with boundaries. I learned I just took I was like a sponge. Finally, I was like, teach me, you know, I need to be taught something different. I have tried everything to you know, create this beautiful life that my children deserve. And obviously, I can't do it by myself. So I was willing to learn I was finally willing. You know, so boundaries. Anything else? You could ask any of the teachers I was on the front row at every class with my hand up, or sometimes just blurting it out? Wow. Yeah. Okay, I took all my classes very seriously. You know, I was just, I guess, I guess that's it, that I was just willing, you know, to learn. And did your faith play a big part in that whole recovery process? Yes. Oh, 100%. I was seeking I still to this day, I just it's the seeking the god part, you know, God first God's will for my life. I had finally given up you know me, you know Araya. So I was like, obviously Araya is not doing nothing. Good. So what about the other ladies there? The friendships, the relationships? Yeah, and for the first time, I built true relationships, you know, people that I could depend on, or they could depend on me. And so I guess where I'm going with that is, at some point along the way, you developed a passion, a love for helping other women in, you know, in the same life experience, you know, in the same place that you were in. So did that just develop when you surrender to God? Yes, yes. I started loving as people, I started learning about God, I started, you know, like, I told you the couple times, I met God, and, you know, obviously, the seed was being planted, you know, the seed has been planted. And I just started, you know, the blinders are taken off, and I started learning about God, I started learning about what he did for us, you know, how much he loved us, how much he loves his people, whether they're wrong or right, whether they're as crazy as me, you know, he still loved me. So I just learned about God I learned, you know, explain to me your understanding of his love for you. It's just undeniable. I mean, there's nothing that I can do that makes him not love me. You know, and I am a very unlovable person. So I'm just saying, like, everything that I've done, I'm like, how could this? How can he showed me what a father is supposed to be? You know, he showed me what a friend is supposed to be a father to my children. Just everything. He is literally everything to me. You know? And then you completed the program. I did 22 months and through COVID. We were locked down for a complete six months. That must have been hard. Yeah. Could be nothing but the blood of Jesus that made me get through that. Nothing. It was insane. I can't even imagine. Yeah. So it was just growth. I mean, I don't even know, Lord helped me remember the words, I just, I just didn't, I just was finally done with everything that I had tried. And this was a Oh, and so another thing that God had told me is that I came to that program, you know, he obviously sent me there, and I left. And so that's the biggest lesson that I try to teach, you know, not teach, but like, share with the women that I come into contact with is that, you know, opportunities will come up, like, Oh, you'll find this job or you'll find this thing and, but as much as that I've been through all the times where I found that job, or other times where I could get this house or all these opportunities. You know, God sent me to that program to finish the program, to go through these classes to change things that you know, I should not hold on to like the habits and the hurts and the hang ups, all that stuff. So because a 30 day program, a 60 day program, that's not gonna be enough now to heal now from a lifetime of trauma and to retrain your brain. With these new habits. It takes time. And so I just tell people, I'm Look, you spent your whole life, you know chasing the drug or chasing the man or trying to find love and all these different areas, you're not going to find it. You know, you need to take this time to focus on you, you know, leave the world behind to, I guess, find Jesus so that, you know, you can go back to the world and share Jesus. Amen, amen. So there's one other transition that you experienced after that, is, once you finished recovery, now you had to walk out of that safe place, and make it on your own and stay sober and stable. So what was that transition like for you? So I went to the tea house, transitional living, you know, they have that after the program. And I wasn't there long I was my plan was to be there for a long time, because it's still safe, you know, right. So that was my plan. And obviously, God had a different plan, I was out of the house in a month, I was working at recovery in motion, which I still have good relationships with them. I don't work there anymore. But it's one of my favorite places in the world. Beautiful. Just like grm. I have a client there. Now, that's a really good friend that I used to use with at my last apartment before gospel. And so we're working together, he's working with me, he's like, he tells his friends, he's like, I know, you're not just have a girl sponsor, but she's my sponsor. So anyways, we're working together. And so, but I did, I just told him that I said, you know, this is only a 90 day program. And it's a good little fresh start, but you need to go to gospel after you've been out here for, oh, gosh, I don't even know how old he is. I want to say, like, 3636 years doing the same old thing, same old thing. You know, you need to go learn these new techniques, you need to go learn these, what is a lie in your life, you know, allow God to change your life. So that when you're finished with the program, you're ready, you're ready to be on your own, and you're going to stay stable this time, you're not going to fall back into the old pattern, you're not going to repeat any part of that old cycle. Yeah. And so that's the thing, and I've been out for a while now. And so many things have happened. So many different things that have happened that in the past, I would have went to a drink till to go get a drink, you know, like, oh, I can't handle this, I need a drink or, you know, and stuff like that. And so well, first of all, I just want to say that I truly do believe that God had delivered delivered me from, you know, the desire of wanting drugs, alcohol, all that, you know, because I don't think about it anymore. And before that was, that's what I would think about, you know, whether I was clean or not, I mean, he literally took it from my mind, you know, and it's possible for anybody, you just have to, you know, seek God, I believe. Yeah, amen. Yeah, I've had to home since then. I'm on my third job. I worked at, you know, recovery motion for about, I want to say six months. And I loved it. You know, I love my job. I've never I've never had a job that I loved. And the people loved me. I've always gotten fired from jobs or just quit, didn't want to show up. You know, in my past Crazy things I had gotten in fights in the back of the job. You know, and so this time I put my two weeks in and everybody was crying. They didn't want me to leave, you know, and for the first time, so maybe someday you can go back there. Oh, this I just went to a meeting yesterday. And he's like, but you have to get vaccinated, and I'm not going to get vaccinated. So that's a whole nother story. So but yeah, so I saw that I still have it. I love that job. Then I worked for a law firm Tara for about a year. Just last week, I put my two weeks in. And another another, it was just very emotional. I loved that job, too. There was no reason why I left it was a good job. I had a good team, I built relationships there. But God is calling you to something God is calling me to something else. I definitely I fasted I prayed. And it's just time for me to support my dad in the family business, you know, for a little bit or for however long you want to be there. That is awesome. The important thing is that you're walking in God's will walk in and God's Well, the most important thing is that, you know, every Sunday unless something comes up, I go to church, I stay connected to my support system. I have built lifetime friend relationships from grm you know, Miss Alyssa, she's one of my best friends, Dustin, one of my best friends, those are the people that I go to. We text each other every other week, you know, we haven't heard from each other in a while we text each other. If they need something they call me I call them you know, just beautiful relationships that I just am forever grateful for. And I love the both people I go to that woman's group that I was telling you every Thursday, faithfully, you know, outside of work, I do what I can for people, you know, not on my own power because as soon as I start doing on my own power, I get burnt out and I'm not even doing it right. So I go to God, I mean, God just has me, you know, doing things for people that I could never do before. And I want to close this out with something a little bit different. And that's Araya. You have an incredible story. Thank you, but this is not your story. Now this is the gut. This is a story of every person that In addiction, because something happened way at the beginning, in from Genesis one Amen. And the Bible tells us that when we were first created, we were put into this beautiful garden, Adam and Eve. And whether you believe this story or not, it's a story of paradise. We were destined to have a relationship with God, we were destined to be creatures that spent our lives with the people that we love with the Creator of the universe, in fellowship, I mean, the thing is, is that you feel it, even before I knew God, I knew that there was something different, I knew that something had to be better. I knew inside of me, and you know, the inner most of my being, that this is not what I was intended to be, right, I just knew in my heart, I knew that I was supposed to love people, because I did love people, you know, I'm a very happy go lucky person. I love to love people, I love to share, you know, all that. And so when my life became that I was just like this, this can be it. So something happened very early in Genesis, the snake, tempted Adam and Eve, when they fell, and they fell, and sin was introduced to the world, we were given a knowledge of good and evil, which separated us eternally from God. We are now these broken people. And we forever have this hole in our lives, avoid, avoid. And it doesn't matter where you are in life, you could be a king, or a popper, you're going to feel that void in your life, and you're going to seek other things to fill that void, anything and everything, anything and everything, drugs, sex, alcohol, people, whatever makes you feel good for the moment, but doesn't last. But it is never actually filled in till you're connected to the creator, the One who created us, in our mother's womb. So Ezekiel, the prophet Ezekiel, gave Israel a promise. And that promise is in 3626. And that will give you a new heart and a new spirit, I will put within you, and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh, and give you a heart of flesh, and I will put my Spirit within you. Now that was true for the nation of Israel. That is true for the apostle Paul, who wrote, you know, a quarter of the Bible. And that was true for you. Yeah. God gave you a new heart, he took that heart of stone, went into your life, and gave you a heart of love for the people who were around you, for the people that are lost and broken, and for other believers. And you share that with everybody around you. And for Paul, he, the reason I bring him up is he shares this in Romans 718. I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is in my flesh, for I have the desire to know what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want but the evil I do not want to do is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want it is no longer I who do it, but the sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be the law within that I want to do right evil lies closer and For I delight in the law of God, but my inner being but I see the members allow Lord waging war against the law of my mind making me captive to the law of sin that dwells within my members. Now he goes on, but he says wretched man that I am Who will deliver me from this body of death because that's what we're dwelling in now we're dwelling in a body prone to sin and it will all sin will always call out to us as we are in this body and that's what addiction is well yeah just like the nicotine I'm right now I'm still fighting it. But the thing is, is that God doesn't want to you know, it's not like the worst thing in the world but God because I'm connected with God because I'm you know, I'm height relationship is tight with God, he doesn't want it. And so no matter how much I want it to flesh me, I have to be obedient and give that up. And you know, when I do when you are obedient, you know, he blesses you. He helps you through it. And he is he's currently helping me do that so and Paul finishes this way, there. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, for the law of the Spirit of Life has set you free. Amen. In Christ Jesus. Now, that is the story of mankind, really, for everyone, for everybody. So anyone out there, if you're struggling in addiction, if you're struggling with anything, bring that to the cross, amen? Because he has the answer. I tell people that constantly, you just got to give it to Jesus, you just got to give it to Jesus. And sometimes I don't know how to explain it. But you know, that's what I do. And that has what it's what's gotten me through these past couple of years, is just giving it to Jesus. He's my provider. He's my friend. He's just everything to me. And so I do want to share since you're on scripture, Romans 828 That's my it's just my life scripture. So even all those times that I was in those little places, it's the scripture that always just got me through. It's you know, I love every you can ask my friends sometimes I'm like, Oh, this is my favorite. This is my favorite and I'll make fun of me because I'm always like, these are my favorite all of them. The whole Bible is my favorite. But Romans 820 A, for we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, and are called according to His purpose. And, you know, we are we're caught we're called, are called RE chosen, we just have to follow that, you know, I slap my leg. Anything you want to close with? No, just that if you're struggling, you can you can reach out to me Araya Don on Facebook. I'll do my best. I'll pray with you. I'll send you in the right direction to a good group. You know, man, I'm gonna shout out water walkers. And then the women's group, women's prayer warriors. So, you know, get connected to somebody who believes in God and is willing to help you and guide you to God because we can't do it without him. It's not me. It's him. So, thank you, Jesus. Thank you. Thank you, Pascal. So if you would like to support our ministry, or you know someone who needs help in the Tucson area, please visit us online at grm tucson.com. Yes, I suggest that you do. Thank you.