Briana's Story

A rebel at heart, Briana battled depression as a teenager, and she ran away from home several times and then stayed at a teen mom group home but lost her spot while giving birth to her twins. Briana's spiritual mentor fostered her until she was eighteen. And, for a few years, Briana lived a good life. She got a job, a place, and a car; and raised her kids. Yet, something was still missing, and she sought to fill that void. Briana hung out with friends on weekends at first. The addictions slowly snuck up on her. Before she realized what was happening, she totaled her car, got fired, and her grandmother took custody of her kids. Then she got sick with a heart infection, and the doctors gave her little hope. But somehow, she pulled through. She got a second chance at life—yet that wasn't enough for her to get clean—she was too lost in her addiction.  

Before long, Briana started getting in trouble and found herself in jail; her probation officer recommended Gospel Rescue Mission when she was released. At first, she was just trying to get through her first thirty days, but then the Holy Spirit performed a work in her life. Listen to her story of transformation as she talks to us about her struggles in addiction and the new life she has found. 

Transcript

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I'm thankful I'm so thankful for gospel. I know my family is thankful for gospel. I don't ever want to leave here. I don't like the relationships that I have with staff here the relationship with the other women, I would hope to have everybody here just a part of my life forever after I leave here. It's just I've never been in such a healthy environment where everybody has positive intentions or everyone just is a believer like this is. This is the closest to heaven on earth that I think you could guess being here. I'm serious. Hello, and welcome to homeless to wholeness in ministry of gospel rescue mission. We're a team of Christ followers on a mission to help others find hope and restoration. My name is Pascal Quintero, and I'm the creative manager at gospel rescue mission. But more than that, I'm a seventh generation to Sonam and I have a deep love and a passion for both its history and the people love this great community. And I'm Alyssa, in 2014, my family answered the call to start a church for men, women and families in recovery. Now I'm answering my own call here at gospel rescue mission, getting to come alongside men, women and families as they fight to end homelessness in their lives. So please listen in every other week as we share the inspirational stories of individuals who overcame extreme challenges and found a new life in Christ moving from homeless to wholeness. Today, we're speaking with Brianna. We're also doing something a little bit different. I have a co host today. So how are you doing today? Listen, I'm well, Pascal. Thank you very much. I'm excited to talk to Bree here today. Yeah, you were away for a little while, and we really missed you. Well, it is great to be back. And what I keep telling everyone is this is the only reason I would leave my daughter is to come here. I think if I had to go to any other work that was essentially meaningless, it would be much harder. But what we do here is to important, the lives that we get to see change is too important. And as I tell Isla, my daughter, you know, if it wasn't worth me leaving, then I wouldn't be leaving. So she will be growing up knowing exactly what it looks like to serve God and to serve people. And when you came back, we also were having a little bit of a celebration. So you just came back just at the perfect time. Yeah, we are recovery celebration, we literally had a certificate for a woman who had two days clean. And the guest speaker that was there was celebrating over 7000 days clean. So it was definitely awesome to be able to celebrate those different milestones, no matter how small they might look. It's a huge accomplishment. And I actually heard one of the pastors say afterwards that they were more excited for that two days of sobriety than the individual who had the 7000 because that's the beginning of her journey. Yeah. And now she's thriving. I know, I see her around campus, and she's beaming saying hi, and just thriving. So the two day hump, she was able to get over. And now, so now it's probably about probably almost 30 days clean, and she's just gonna keep racking it up. And that's an honor to be able to watch that really is. And this is still National Recovery Month. Now in the last episode we talked about, what if someone we love is struggling in their addiction? How do we handle that? And what I think is really interesting about Brianna's story is she really didn't want recovery when she first walked through our doors. He was really just going through the motions. Brianna was one of those individuals that someone was waiting for. Someone was praying for. Someone was hoping for that moment in which Brianna was ready for her life to change. Is that a fair assessment? Yes, you're gonna make me cry already. Pascal was really good at that. When I first came home, I just felt like I didn't know how to be home. And as time went on, being gospel, my kids started to open up to me. And that's when they had told me that they had been praying for me the whole time that I was gone. What did that feel like? was hurtful. Honestly. I felt like in my addiction, I just kept running. I just kept running I kept going because I felt like how could I go home now, after I've been gone for a year or after two years, I felt like there was no way that they could forgive me or there's no way that they would want me home after all the mistakes that I had made. But I was so wrong. I was so wrong. And now I've been home for over a year, and our relationship is great. It's growing every day and blossoming. And I'm so thankful for for those prayers. I'm thankful that God has now came into my life, and I've accepted him in my life. He truly does restore you to us. And the love that your family feels for you, that's always been there is stronger now. And you see it more. I think it took having a relationship with God for me to be able to be open and be willing to see that love that my family has. Before that I really held on to my trauma, I really held on to my mistakes and the things I had went through. And I had a lot of regret. Again, I just couldn't forgive myself. But God really opened my heart and opened my eyes to you know what I do have and that my family does truly loved me that they are forgiving. So well, I love that you brought up the praying for someone. Cuz Do you remember we were in a class is a healthy choices class. And I can't remember the topic we're talking about. But you told me about the last time you used. Do you remember telling you that I remember the feelings that were around that at all. So shortly, I think maybe two weeks before I had gotten to gospel. I was in jail for six months that I had been released from jail. I was staying with a friend for I believe, like two months, I realized that wasn't working. And I went into a facility. That was not where I needed to be. It was not faith base. And I ended up using again. During that time that I was using. I just I was so paranoid. I knew that. It wasn't for me. I remember, I think what did I tell you? I was I was praying that? Well, so a year ago, this is when I first met you was over a year ago, like February think of 21. And you told me that you took a hit. And as soon as you hit, took that hit and you embarrass, I did. I felt embarrassed, I felt guilt, I felt shame, I felt conviction. And at that time, I didn't even know conviction wise. And so when when Bree shared that with me, immediately, I thought of WoW, someone's praying for her. Someone is on their knees every day just praying that that dope disappears, that the dope turns to dust. And the fact that you felt that embarrassment which you had never felt before, right? No. And so I'm like someone's praying for you. I don't know who it is. But someone's specifically asking that you turn away from this. And then I met your daughters. And I'm like, Oh, these are the prayer warriors. Right? They are tenacious, they are strong. They are charismatic. And they are the ones even before you know, they told you that they had been praying for you. I knew that that's where that had come from, because your daughters had not once turned their backs on you they had at once felt that you weren't their mom, you know, they they feel sad when you're not there. But they never your grandma did a great job of of maintaining that, but but your daughters have always and will always be your daughters. So let's back up a little bit because we kind of jumped right in the middle of her story. So Brianna, tell me a little bit about how you grew up. So growing up. I don't know where to start. Oh, man. Okay. Were you in foster care? Okay, so growing up, I feel like as a young child, I had a pretty good life. Then I had a few siblings. My mom had more children. I had a few siblings. And I felt like there was no firm foundation, my family there was no stability and so we would constantly move a lot. Which I feel like I had a hard time building relationships with friends or even with family because we move so much and eventually, things just weren't working out at home for Me, I just didn't want to be there. So I would run away a lot. I would get in trouble. I would get arrested, I would get taken to juvie. And one point, my mom just couldn't do it anymore. So yeah, I did end up in group homes and foster care. And at that time that I ended up in foster care. I was actually my oldest daughter was actually six months old. And my twins I was, I was pregnant with my twins. Wow. Yeah. How old were you when your first was born? I was 16 when my first was born, and you're twins. And then I was 17 When my twins were born. And what was that like, as a single mother, being that young still in high school? It was fun. It was. It was a lot. I mean, I had a lot of restless nights, but made a lot of memories. Honestly, I felt like it was kind of rough going through the system and having kids because all I wanted to do was to have a family or to be able to hold on to my children, and make sure that I could keep us together. But being that I was a teen mom, I couldn't even really legally do much for myself at that point. And so thankfully, I had my grandma to rely on, and she did keep my children for a while. And then I ended up in a teen mom group home, where God, God had someone come into my life who was planting seeds all along. I had no idea. My foster mom, or my spiritual mentor at the Teen Mom group home, later on became my foster mom. And she's still in my life now. So when you say she planted the seeds, what do you mean by that? So when I first met my foster mom, she used to take me to church. And that was just like, let's celebrate, let's get out for the weekend, I got somewhere to go cool. We're going to youth group. I'm excited. We're having pizza. And overtime, just being there. Like I started to feel comfortable. But I still didn't really understand who God was. Eventually, I needed somewhere else to go. And so she took me in. And that's where I became a part of her family. And she would, she would pray with me, and she would read the Bible with me. And she would try to teach me but I wasn't willing to accept her love. At that time in my life. I feel like I had a really hard time understanding, how could this woman love me so much? Like Jesus does, how she would say, I just didn't understand it. At that time, it sounded like she was providing an environment that had stability. So maybe for the first time in a long time you were introduced to what a home stable home would be like, like maybe I had some resentment against her at one point or another. I felt guilty that this woman was raising me and helping me with my children, when my mom was unable to do that. At that point, do you still feel that way? No, no. I feel like God has a plan for my life. And for my children as well. And I felt like that was just his way of bringing two families together. And sharing that love of Christ. Yeah, it just took you some time to maybe realize that that's what it was. Or maybe to to receive that because it's it's hard. Especially if that's not where you were wanting it from, you know, you wanted that love from someone else in your life. And then this stranger came in and and offered you exactly what you wanted exactly what you were craving, but she was not the one that you wanted it from. So I'm sure that was a lot of like internal battling going on too. It definitely was. It was a struggle, but I'm glad we made it through. I'm glad she's still in my life today. So at that time, were drugs a part of the picture part of your story. Growing up as a teenager, I would kind of hang out with people that were a little bit older than me by a year or two and you Older kids were into drinking and partying. And so before I had my kids, I had tried a few different things. Which thankfully, around the time when I had got pregnant with my oldest daughter, I wasn't doing anything or using. And I think that even then that's what had stopped me from using that what had stopped me from getting into addiction as a minor was being pregnant and having children and having to take care of them having responsibilities. Okay, so when did that shift, when When did drugs become prevalent in your life? So shortly after I turned 18, I moved out, I got my own apartment, I was superduper excited to have my own place where I could raise my kids, I can have my own little family. But I was also very excited that I could have friends. I was working, and I had co workers who, again, we're young, and they didn't have responsibilities, like I did, they didn't have children. And so I easily fit into everything that they wanted to do, I wanted to be a part of it, you know, when I would get invited, I wouldn't be heartbroken because I didn't have a babysitter. So on those nights when I didn't have a babysitter, of course, I wanted to go out to try to be a teen or do what I thought was normal for everybody else. And that's where my addiction started. Did it start with one particular substance. So at first, I felt like I was just drinking. But that's where other drugs were introduced. And so one thing just kind of led to another. As the days went on, I feel like the crowd of people ended up being a rougher crowd of people with I don't know, a harder drug of choice. So in how long did this addiction go on? For about six years? And how did it impact your, your career, your family, your living situation? Why I went from being 1920 years old, having my own place, having a job having a car, and having goals in my life to slowly, little by little I lost everything. I felt like my family didn't really understand what I was doing or where I was going. Nobody really asked questions at that point. And being that I'm the oldest in my family, not sure if they really knew what was happening. And so I kind of went from going out on the weekends to not showing up for a week to not showing up at all. And as I was not showing up at all, it was because I was being evicted. I had gotten a DUI and my car had gotten impounded. I mean, I had nothing to offer my kids, I couldn't even put a roof over their head. I couldn't provide anything for them. And so I felt like I was a failure. At that point. I just didn't even want to try to go home to them. So later on in my addiction, I did become an IV user. And that was that was a rough point in my life. I feel like that was the point in my addiction where I just I felt I had nothing left. I thought I would never make it out of my addiction. Honestly, at that point, I don't think I even knew I was addicted. I like I didn't know addiction or sobriety. I didn't know those words. I didn't have that vocabulary. I just thought, Okay, this is my life. And I wake up every day and we do drugs and that's just the life that I'm gonna live. I thought that and you were just kind of watching things starting to fall apart. You were feeling this guilt, this inner turmoil from having the love that you had for your girls, but also at the same time not being able to provide for them. So you went deeper and deeper into your addiction. Yeah, the deeper I got into my addiction, I would just I was miserable. But I was trying to numb the pain and that just really didn't get me anywhere at all. I ended up getting a heart infection and being in the hospital with a PICC line in my arm. And even at that point I was still using while I was in the hospital. If I could go back and change it, I would, but I'm just thankful. Like I know God was in my life at that point to one of my nurses, she used to come into the room, and she used to pray for me all the time. And every time she would come in, I just felt this love and this energy from her, she was just, she was just so kind and so sweet. And she would ask if she could pray for me. I'm just just thankful for her because she gave me that little bit of hope that we're supposed to have that faith of a mustard seed, she let me know that I could still have that. But even then I was still struggling. So I continued in my addiction. I feel like at that point, the reason I kept using was because I didn't have the resources, I didn't have the knowledge, I didn't know who to turn to. I didn't know where to go. I didn't know how to ask for help. So at some point, you walk through our doors. Do you want to talk a little bit about what brought you here? Don't point at me. I was just thinking the other day we were talking is the BRI and then two other of the women that are in the recovery program. In the same phase that she's in just done you pretty much and we're talking about, like when they were first here. And they were like, oh, yeah, you know, Miss Melissa, when I you just I hated Miss Alyssa because she was just so strict in aggressive and you know, she, she made me do all these things. She held me accountable. And Brees. Like, I remember hating you, I was like, girl, you were so confused as to why you spent the first month of being here trying to figure out why you're, you're like in this in this like Bay, like this phase of, like, just trying to figure out just trying to like, make the 30 days but sounds like that's what your pattern is. You're just going to be there for the 30 days, get your paper signed until your Pio you know, it's like everything else, you know, I did what I needed to do, let's move on. But I think God had different plans for you. Yeah, he definitely did. And I remember when I first got to gospel, I had no idea how to be sober. I had no idea what recovery meant. And walking in those doors, I did not think I was gonna make it. I didn't. I didn't, I didn't know how to believe in myself, man. It was really a struggle on staff here at gospel. My advocate, she used to come to work every day. And by the time she gets to work, I'm already supposed to be in class, she would come and knock my door open every single morning and yell at me just like a mother would get me out of bed. And I would run off to chapel in my pajamas, haven't even brushed my hair or anything. And for a while. That's how things went. I needed that push that a mother would give you I needed that love or I guess someone to notice that. I had potential even when I couldn't see it. Well, here you found a place where the women understood what you were going through. They'd been through it themselves. Yeah. Coming in and gospel and seeing that there was there were women and children. I started to think okay, maybe it's possible for me to be a mom again. I'm hearing everybody else's stories of how things were in their addiction or how they had to fight to get their children back or how they started with no relationship to what I was witnessing was like this. These beautiful families, these beautiful mothers and their children just were just amazing. And that's what I wanted. So it just gave me so much inspiration and I just really wanted to have that. And I knew it was possible. Just looking at everybody else as an example. And the girls started to visit you regularly good daily day did they got to know Miss Alyssa? They love Miss Alyssa. I love them. Anything you want to share about them or that time? Well, so I didn't even know Bree had kids for quite a while when she was in the pro gram a few months. And then randomly her advocate was like, hey Bri wants to know if her kids can come visit and I was like her what? She has children. And and sure enough she does. And she was very brave, very immature, very young did not really have that parental relationship with her girls in the beginning. But then she started taking the nurtured heart approach parenting class, and it latched on like a Parana. I took the class three times, I took that class over and over and over, I wanted to make sure I got everything in I understood everything. I wanted to make sure that I can come home and parent my kids the right way, this time. She and she did, she took everything that she was learning, not only in the nurtured heart approach, but at all the other curriculums that she was being exposed to. And she was becoming the woman God had always intended for her to be, and transforming into the mom that God had always intended for her to be. And, you know, every weekend, she would either go to the girls, or the girls would come over and spend the weekend with her at the Women's Center. And every Monday, right after chapel, she'd be at my door. Kay, Miss Melissa, this is what happened. This is what I did. This is what didn't work. This is what did work. So how can I fix this? How could I do this differently. And she was truly trying to figure out the best ways to parent. And sometimes it worked. And sometimes it didn't work. And sometimes she had successes. And sometimes she didn't have successes, but she never gave up. And the biggest problem, not problem but the biggest hurdle she had was co parenting with her grandmother, because her grandmother raised her raised her siblings raised her mom raised her children. Grandma has been doing this for a very long time. And she's been doing it the wrong way. And which is not necessarily wrong. But Bree just learned new ways to approach parenting. And so being the example of what she wanted parenting to look like, and being patient and understanding that, you know, this is grandma's territory. I'm coming in as a what is the word? When you're not a professional, as an amateur, I'm coming in as an amateur. I need to be humble, and understanding. And Bree, I'm pretty sure came up with it all on her own. Did you come up with it all on your own? It was rough at first i I definitely felt like I was an amateur at being a mom, right? Even at being a granddaughter like, I just didn't know. That connection was there that love was always there, like you said, but I just had a hard time reaching out. I've I struggled with communication with my grandma at first because I never wanted her to worry. I never wanted her to think okay, nope, this is she's going to run or she's going to go back to using and so to take the nurtured heart approach and the other classes that I took. It really gave me that confidence and that knowledge that I needed to learn how to parent and be able to talk with my grandma about better ways to do things or come up with ideas together on what might work better. That is like exponential maturity from a year ago, when I first met you two, I think you probably about what, six or nine months into the program when you really started actively working with your grandma to parent. And I've never seen such growth in such a short amount of time. Like it was crazy when Bree who's in front of us right now is would not compare to the person that she was over a year ago. No, like, even like we were looking at a picture from April 2021. And it was a view and you're just like, what, what is that like? Who is that person? We talked about transformation and you know all that wonderfulness, but a physical transformation is? That doesn't happen too often. Yeah, people get like their hair cut and they look nice, but but like the way you carry yourself is much different. The way that you speak is much different. And there's a total transformation inside and outside which is like it's such an honor to have watched it, you know, and I was telling Mary Kay that I feel so bad for all these people who didn't know Bree year ago, because it's been amazing watching her transfer, I guess it's a year and a half, it's been almost 18 months ago. But it's, it's been such an amazing journey to watch her transform, that I feel bad for people who didn't get to see it, you know, but I'm glad and lucky that I got to see it and, and that I still get to be in your life and your girls are just the sweetest, you know, they they got to come see where mom lives now that they moved over here, and they walked through the doors, I come running up to them and give them a hug. And they were just as sweet as ever and, and very respectful and you know, happy to be with their mom. So it's just, it's an honor to be able to watch you take what you're learning and exercising, it's, it's pretty cool. One of my favorite scriptures is from Philippians. And I'm sure of this, that He who began a good work and you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. That the reason I love it so much is I know that all of us were, were working progress. And even though we have days where we just nail everything, there are other days when, you know, it's like, oh, I can't believe I did that again, or why. So we all have our ups and our downs. But we know that we're in Christ, and he's doing work within us, that he's forging us, rewarming us until that day where we stand before Him. And when I hear about your journey, you're learning how to be a parent, you're learning how to walk in him. You're learning how to love, you're learning how to be loved, you're learning how to form relationships with other people, which sounds like has been a struggle with you for many, many years. You want to talk about your relationship with Christ. I remember when I first got to gospel, man, I didn't know this is a faith based program, okay. And probation, just kind of put me here. I told her I needed somewhere to go, I needed it to go to a good place where I could finally just get recovery and be sober. Somewhere that would work for me. And she put me here at gospel. And I remember walking into chapel for the very first time. Everyone was standing for worship, and I had no idea what was going on. I just didn't understand like, everyone was singing the songs together. And they were just, I was so like, just lost. I didn't understand. But at the same time, I wanted that. I wanted to feel that joy. I wanted to just understand and know like, how did they have that? I remember there was one night where at the end of the day, and this was probably just barely around my 30 day mark. I remember I think it was the first time I prayed. And I just said, God. I don't know how to be sober. But I want to be sober. I want you to make me want to be sober. I don't want to go back to that life anymore. Just helped me to make it through this and have a good life. And I think that was my breaking point. That's when my whole life changed. I mean it it came on slowly. My my relationship ship with Christ wasn't all there and perfect right away. I still had a lot of work to do even now I still do. But just that one simple prayer that I had in the beginning is where I think I started to notice God moving in my life. And now you've been clean and sober for how long? I think I'm going on 19 months. 19 months. That's awesome. That really is cool. I think the key to the prayer that you had was I want to help me want to be sober. Right is that isn't in the 12 steps. I believe it is the 11 step where you seek you through prayer and meditation. You seek God's will and you ask for the power to carry it out. And so that's exactly what you're doing is that you are praying and listening and waiting for God to guide you. And instead of seeking your own will of God make me sober. It was seeking God's Will of Lord give me the desire to be sober. Give me the power to be sober. Not just make me sober. But give me the strength to do the work to become the woman you've always intended for me to be. So I can be the mom that you've always intended for me to be. And I think that's the key right there to your success is that you saw God's will, not that you were trying to mold God's will to your own. I think that's, that's definitely what happened. Just that being the very first time that I was giving him all the power of over my life, all the control over my life. Just admitting that, you know, he's there, and that I truly do believe in him. But I just didn't know what to do at that point. I think that was what it took for me to get over what you said there Alyssa, about God, wanting her to be the best mom she could be, is also a desire that we have a gospel rescue mission. Now, Brianna completed the recovery program, but we don't want to end there. We want her to live her best life. Even though you've completed the recovery program, you're still here, because you joined workforce development. And now you're pursuing an education in it. And so, gospel works with Pima and I heard about the IT program. And I know that for myself, I never thought that I would have the opportunity to go to college. But here it is. And I know that I have a little bit of interest in technology, but I know nothing about it. For me, this is getting my foot in the door into the medical field. For now, I plan to do the it class, and see what kind of job opportunities are available for that. And it also gives you that education experience. So now you're starting to rack up credits, and you're seeing what doors are going to be open to you through Pima College. That is I understand it. Do you have a GED? Or do you finish high school. I'm currently still doing the smart school program here to get my diploma. That is awesome, too. It's very awesome. I didn't really do much work when I was in high school because I was taking care of my daughters. And I went through a lot. I was moved around a lot being in the system. I think I switched schools in high school maybe four times, five times maybe. And then again, once I got permanent placement with my foster mom in so I kind of really struggled to find stability again. But now you're am and I'm in high school, starting college and just doing all these amazing things that I never thought were possible. Now you're gonna have that not only the sobriety, but the education, the stability, so that when you finally do, and it'll be a very sad day, when you do leave these doors. Coming back as a volunteer. I love hearing that. Yeah. You'll have all the tools that you need to finally succeed. Do you have anything that you want to add? Well, Bree, supposed to work in the medical field, and she's supposed to work at an injectables office so I can get free Botox. That's the agreement we had. Okay, so we're still going that path? No, I just, again, watching you grow and transform. It doesn't happen all the time. Like, we do see lives change every day here. But as dramatically as yours has changed, that's not an everyday occurrence. And it's not anything that I get emotional. It's not anything that I take lightly at all. Because people come to the doors every day in their lives change for themselves every day. But the manner in which your life changed is so big and so dramatic, that it sort of puts things back into perspective for me, you know, not that we get used to it or whatever I mean, it it's interesting because God is such an amazing, miraculous God and sometimes we do so don't have to take that for granted. You know, like, oh, there goes Jesus just turn on water annoying to get or why water? Yeah, water No. And again, or there it goes, Jesus just raising people from the dead, you know, like it's so easy to sort of take that stuff for granted that big transformations like this put things back into perspective for us. And to watch you to continue in that same direction of transformation is awesome. And now seeing how your daughter's lives is aren't going to tell they're not going to change. And you know, the, the father of your oldest daughter, his life is changing too. And that's because you're being open and honest and sharing Jesus with him in your own way. And because of that your daughters are going to have a life that you never had that you craved. And you got in bite sized pieces from different people, but they're going to be able to have the life that you always wanted, because you're providing that for them. So to close this up, do you have any thing that you'd like to share? Either personally about gospel rescue mission? Or I did have a question. Sorry. Um, you've been to other programs. I want to know what's different about gospel rescue mission, specifically, what are things that you can pinpoint that you can say, this is why this place is different. This is why this place works. So when I first got to gospel, I had a really hard time meeting the requirements, just simple things of doing my community service. Waking up on time and making it to class. But there was always someone whether it was one of my sisters who are in program with me. Or if it was a staff member, there was always someone reminding me and giving me grace. There was always someone who was right beside me, loving me through it. Rather than, you know, telling me you're not ready. I feel like the staff here at gospel have sat me down and said, Okay, this is what's happening. And how can we get to what we need to happen? What do you like, what did I need? What did I need to be able to do that? So they just just provided that love and that encouragement. It was just just the the love of God and through grace mostly. So the philosophy of love, grace, dignity, respect, but most of all, love. Yeah. That's what I'm hearing. Definitely respect to I feel like even at the beginning of my recovery, I don't think I felt like I deserved respect because of the shame and guilt that I had. But I just walking through the doors I was I was already like, family I was already loved. I was already respected. I wasn't treated. Like I was an addict. I was treated like I was someone who deserved a better life. Someone who was worthy of have a better life. And gospel just knew that I was capable, just like everybody else. Okay, I'm gonna cry. Because you are deserving, and worthy of all those things. And that thing we want for you most of all is just to see you shine. Thank you. I'm proud of you. Thank you. I'm thankful I'm so thankful for gospel. I know my family is thankful for gospel. I don't ever want to leave here. I don't like 18 months is not long enough. It's really not just the relationships that I have with staff here the relationship with the other women, even with the other women and their children, like those babies, I just want to take them like and hug them and love them like everybody here is just, I mean, I would hope to have everybody here just a part of my life. Forever After I leave here it's just I've never rippin in such a healthy environment where everybody has positive intentions or everyone just is a believer like this is this is the closest to heaven on earth that I think you could get as being here. I'm serious. Like even even like there's there's no place where I've it's just peaceful here. It's peaceful and we're so glad that you're here and home. If you'd like to support our ministry, or you know someone who needs help in the Tucson area, please visit us online at grm tucson.com. Thank you