MENOMORPHOSIS
A podcast for busy midlifers ready to reclaim their energy, joy, and purpose.
Are you, like me, riding the rollercoaster of midlife and menopause, and eager to get back to living your best life? Are you tired of low energy, a short temper and endless self doubt?
Well, It’s time to stress less and shine more. It’s time ditch the worry, reclaim your mojo and unleash your inner brilliance.
It's never too late to transform, and you’re certainly not too old. And in my opinion, midlife and menopause provide the perfect opportunity to do just that.
Join me each week for uplifting stories and expert insights on how to feel as good as you can and create a joyful, purpose-driven life you truly love.
So when you’re ready, Let the beautiful menomorphosis begin!
MENOMORPHOSIS
Thursday Thoughts - Building A Life You Don't Need To Escape From
This week on Thursday Thoughts, Lucy and I are talking about how to create a life you don’t feel the need to escape from.
Ever catch yourself counting down to the weekend or living for your next holiday?
You’re not alone - so many of us slip into that ‘just get through it’ mode.
But what if, instead, you could shift your perspective and find ways to enjoy every day, rather than wish so many of them away.
We hope this conversation gives you something to think about… and maybe even something to try.
Love,
Polly & Lucy xxx
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Email me at: info@pollywarren.com
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Hello and welcome to Thursday Thoughts. Thursday Thoughts what the hell are they? I hear you cry. Well, my friend Polly and I meet every week over on Instagram to talk all things personal growth, because she is as obsessed with it as I am, and we decided that we might as well put those conversations out as a weekly podcast. So now you can listen to us chat here on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts, and we'll be talking about topics such as spirituality, limiting beliefs, ego imposter syndrome, gratitude, meditation, confidence and so much more. So if you're ready, here we go.
Speaker 2:I like this one, do you? I mean this was yours.
Speaker 1:Come on, you start because this was your idea so so, yeah, so the idea is also the thing that we're going to talk about today is this idea of building a life that we don't need to escape from. So just to give sort of a bit of context in my own life, so I used to be that person who, when I was working the nine to five in London, you know, for decades and working in various different jobs, blah, blah, blah, blah I, I was that person who lived for my holidays, I lived for the weekends and I lived for my days off. I lived for the kind of you know, two weeks on holiday or whatever it was, and it was because I was constantly trying to escape my life, because I wasn't, I wasn't feeling it in my, my day-to-day life. That doesn't mean I was necessarily depressed or really miserable or anything else, but I think I had this kind of low level. Well, I know I had this low level dissatisfaction, which is why I just always was living for the weekend and living for holidays.
Speaker 1:And the truth is that we spend most of our life at work, or a lot of it. You know, that's assuming that most people listening or watching, you know, have a job blah, blah, blah. And so what we want to do is live a life where we're. Although it's lovely to go away on holiday, we're not living for that two week break. I mean, and looking at my life now in the last few years, much that's nice to go away, I never feel anymore. Honestly, I never feel like this desperate need to go away because I actually like my life and that doesn't mean it's perfect, it couldn't be further from perfect but I feel like I'm doing something that is meaningful to me. I feel like I'm on the right path. And it's really hard and I get really overwhelmed and I have days where I feel really anxious and worried and all the rest of it, but as a whole, I know I'm on the right path. So I think it's worth asking ourselves am I living my life waiting for the weekend or waiting for those that week off that I have all that, but you know we've just had a bank holiday.
Speaker 1:How many people were like waiting for that bank holiday to arrive so they could escape their life? Or, you know, for those three days, get out of that, that job that they're not particularly happy in? And I think this kind of speaks to something that you and I have talked about before, which is essentially living, starting to live with intention and having an idea, having a clear vision, and you don't have to know exactly what you want to do. You don't have to know exactly where you're going.
Speaker 1:But if you don't have some vision of where you want to go and how you want your days to look and how you want to live your life and how you want to feel every day and what you want your actual days to look like, if you don't have a vision of that and you're just being swept along, then it just basically means that life is just creating your world for you, like you're. You, you are not in being intentional about the life that you want to live and you're just being swept along by the tide of life, and that's not how we want to live and you're just being swept along by the tide of life and that's not how we want to live, and it doesn't have to be how we live either. We can get intentional and we can create a life that we don't feel this, this need to escape from.
Speaker 2:So that's kind of where this yeah, that's where this comes from yeah, yeah, and I have very much been in that place where I've just literally just craved weekends, craved holidays, and I'm thinking about particularly a time in my life when that was the case, and that was when my kids were very small, I was working, even actually, when I was sort of working part time but I was. I had no time or space for myself because I had a family and it was. I just was needing some, just something different, some space for myself, and I accept it can be incredibly difficult to get what you need. You know some people just don't have that. It's very, very difficult to to to kind of get it because you're kind of like you know you're in it. Difficult to to to kind of get it because you're kind of like you know you're in it.
Speaker 2:So I I think you know it's very easy to say for us to say, oh well, you just got to create, you know this, this life that you want, and that's what it's about. But and it can be difficult. So really what you have to do is cultivate the mindset and the space, even when chaos might be happening around you or you're stuck in a job that you really don't like, although we can obviously become intentional about trying to change that. But it's about creating some sort of space and mindset in your mind that you where you get that sense of peace, of presence, a feeling of purpose, rather than constantly battling against it in your mind, going this is shit, I hate this. And then we want to just escape, escape, escape. And that's often when we start to do the numbing out, the drinking too much. I mean, you know, this is me, don't you know? I'm just saying this is exactly how I was drinking too much, doing all the things to try and escape from life, um, desperate for the holidays. So I think, and that is when we become really, really disconnected from our bodies as well. We're disconnected from ourselves as well. We just, we just want something outside of ourselves. But actually, I think a big part of this is almost accepting this situation you are in currently now, whatever that might be, however hard that might be, however difficult it might feel to get out of and carve out some of the some space for you to find some presence, to go inwards, to kind of really look at the mindset and the glasses that you are looking at your life through. So if you're constantly saying to yourself this and this was me.
Speaker 2:So when I'm just thinking about that time, particularly when I was really felt like there was, I had no moment for myself. I was doing everything for everybody else. I was angry, I was bitter because of that and actually, if I had then managed to flip it and really just try to find those little moments of joy of like my gosh, look, I get to do this, it's almost like you know it's like and try and just carve out little moments to myself to really see it, reframe those those difficult bits, um, and, and just reset my, my mindset, really, um, it would have been so much more joyful, everyone would have been happier. But yeah, so it it can.
Speaker 2:It's kind of like a choice of how you, how you see it, and if you can carve out some moments for yourself at some point in the day to rebuild that relationship you have with yourself, to build that connection with yourself, to find your moments of peace, of presence, that is really going to help you in just enjoy, find the joy in the moments which otherwise kind of can just fly by and you don't even notice them. Yeah, have I made any sense?
Speaker 1:yeah, no, completely. I mean, ultimately, everything boils down to the lens through which you're looking. It's very, it really is the truth, whether we want to hear it or not, and and, frankly, sometimes we don't want to fucking hear it. If we're not there, we're just like, oh my god, shut up, you don't. You don't understand. This is a classic, I think, because I used to do this. I know, because I used to be that girl going. You don't understand. It's different for me. You know, my life's really difficult because of this, this, this and this. But again, that is, that is the lens that I used to be looking through, looking at life through, and it was very limiting.
Speaker 1:And I think, and also I think in the world as it is today, with all of the stuff that is going on in the world, I think there is a real tendency for people to be thinking like, well, the world's fucked, it's going to hell in a handbasket. How the hell can I change my life? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And what we want to do is shift our focus off of all the crap that is going on in the world, because that is happening. So, either and this is, you know, polly, this is something we've talked about before, but it's something that I am so obsessive about because because I understand and I know from my own experience how much of a difference it makes when you are focusing on all the crap, when you are focusing on the latest terrifying news story or what is going on in politics in the states or in this country or wherever, or whatever is happening. When you're, when you're choosing to focus on those things, you are going to feel like shit and you are going to feel like I can't change anything. I can't change my life. This is just the way it is. Things are really difficult. Look at the state of the world. No, there are plenty of people in the world right now living beautiful, amazing lives that they love. Yeah, so it doesn't have to be like that, but we have to make the choice to pull our attention away from the things that make us feel bad, which we all have a tendency to do. Humans have a tendency to do but we have to take control over over what we're focusing on and what we're putting our attention on, because it truly is everything.
Speaker 1:And just going back to one thing that you said, polly, you know I mean, obviously we we speak to very different audiences. I speak to single women without kids. You speak to, you know, probably mostly married, married women with kids, and I do get that. It's very, very different. And you said, yes, it can be really difficult and all the rest of it to create, to start creating a life you love. But the truth is that nobody said it was easy. Nobody said changing your life was easy, and it's not.
Speaker 1:The question is, how badly do you want it, how badly do you want your life to be better? Because you've got to start with that. You've got to start with asking yourself why do I want to change and how much do I want this? Because it's very easy to do that numbing thing, as you and I both know only too well. It's very easy just to go fuck it. You know what? I just don't have the energy to work on that side hustle. I just don't have the energy to do that. I don't, you know, I don't have the energy to get up early and do my meditation that I know is going to make me feel better. The first thing I would say is because, you know, I think even when you have, look, I don't, I don't have kids. So I'm very, very wary of you know, your followers or your listeners, um, feeling potentially triggered by this. But I think you know I have plenty of friends who do have kids. I have a sister who has four kids, including triplets. Um, I have a brother who has a baby, so I do know a little bit about what it's like and I think even when you are in that really difficult situation, you can still find 30 minutes in a day, even if it means getting up half an hour early.
Speaker 1:But people often don't want to hear. I think people they don't want. You know we and that's myself included sometimes we don't want to hear it. We don't want to hear it think people they don't want. You know we and that's myself included sometimes we don't want to hear it, we don't want to hear it and we get really defensive and we get really triggered when someone says well, how much time are you spending on social media? Yes, I know you're really busy with your kids, but how, how, how many hours a day are you spending scrolling on Instagram? Or, yeah, you know, how many episodes of Netflix are you watching every evening? So I think all of us have the ability to carve out 30 minutes, because that's actually all you need in a day to do something that is good for you and is going to make you feel better and is potentially going.
Speaker 1:Just a question of taking, as we talked about before, those tiny little baby steps, consistently, day after day, and in a year's time you're like, holy shit, look what I did. You know whatever it is. So again, yeah, nobody is saying this is easy. It's not. You know, my journey over the last four years has not been easy at all. It's been really bloody hard and it still is regularly. But it's. It's driven by by my why and it's driven by me knowing the life that I am working towards living, the life that I am working towards living, and that when that becomes your primary motivation, then you can find those little pockets of time in the day, even if it just means doing a 15 minute meditation, that is going to, you know, get you out of your sympathetic nervous system and bring you back into your parasympathetic nervous system, so at least you feel a bit better.
Speaker 1:And, of course, going back to what you were saying, it's so so much of this comes down to. You know, you can start by working on your mindset and working on the way that you see the world and the way that you see life because, incredibly, when you start seeing life through a different lens, life starts, starts looking very, very different and you know it starts. You suddenly start seeing things because, ultimately, you know what I was saying just now about how, despite the fact that we're living in these terrifying times, you know what I was saying earlier about how there are many, many, many people living wonderful lives, and that's not because they're privileged necessarily. That's because they got intentional about, about their life. And, yes, there is lots of shit going on in the world, but we can still live our own beautiful life over here without focusing all of our attention over there.
Speaker 2:You know yeah, it's kind. You know, ultimately we're all craving kind of a sense of peace, a sense of just being present, having a sense of purpose. That's what we're all ultimately craving. So it's up to us how we cultivate that. Look at other people and moan about them and blame them for the way that you're living, that, how it's affecting you, but actually you don't need you know it's, it's, it really is a choice and it's kind of yeah, I find it it's. It's. It's very frustrating when you're constantly hearing about people moaning, moaning about everything that is going on. And you know it's fine to, you know, have discussions about things, but it's when it's really affecting how you're living your life and making you feel anxious or depressed or whatever it is. And I think ultimately we all have a risk, but we all have a responsibility to to regulate our own nervous systems. You know, when you you can just constantly be and I think this is the problem in our hustle hustle kind of world where busyness is always kind of seen as something to be rewarded but actually when you can take responsibility for your own nervous system and you can kind of bring down your stress state and you can come at life from a much more regulated state, then that's. The ripples of that are immense, and if everybody could be responsible for themselves, can you imagine how amazing things would be? But the problem is, everyone is starting their days in such a, you know, hyper aroused state that that just kind of like chasing, chasing, chasing, and that's where the hustle starts and you're everyone's working harder, harder, harder. I feel that they've got to do more, more, more, and I think that's where literally everyone is exhausted all of the time, and that is obviously where you're just craving for holiday because you're, you know that you're being pushed harder by the people you know, the people you're working for, whatever. So it really is, I just really believe it's our own personal responsibility to work, start from start, start your day from a place of calmness, of a regulated state, and we can all do that. You know that can be 10 minutes sitting on a train, um, you know, just literally calming down your nervous system, doing some deep, some breathing, doing some meditation, going inwards, and I really do believe that is our responsibility.
Speaker 2:That is, you know, and those of us who have kind of, who understand that, then I think it's easier to see the world from a lens of okay, it's, everything is much more joyful. And then you can get to see, when you're coming at it from a regulated state, you see you're slow enough and calm enough that you can actually see the joyful moments and you carve out those joyful moments for yourself, and then that it's almost like an upward kind of spiral. Oh gosh, isn't life wonderful. And you can see all those good little moments. And don't get me wrong, I don't always. I'm not always like this.
Speaker 2:But if you're constantly coming at life from a state of chronic stress, you are constantly chasing your tail, you are constantly exhausted. You don't see those moments of joy because they just pass you by. And that is when you are literally numbing, because you need to, because you just need some way to kind of. Your nervous system needs to find a way to reset, otherwise you're just going to spiral out of control. And the holidays are more and more important. So for me, I think that is the real crisis. Like, what are you doing to calm yourself? Start your day from a peaceful place and it? It looks different from everyone. Some people it might be yoga, it, you know.
Speaker 2:Exercise is a really big part for me yeah getting rid of that stress, it breath work, meditation, going for a beautiful walk. I mean I do a lot of those things because that's what I have learned.
Speaker 1:I have needed and it's about carving out time and space for the things which work for you and, however busy you are, even if it's five minutes here or there, there is space to do it, and it's about trying to fit it into your day somehow totally just going back to what you were saying about how we all have a responsibility to kind of regulate our nervous system, because, and and it's so true, because, also going back to you know the state of the world and how we're all really stressed about it and all the rest of it Well, actually, you know, the only thing that is going to create a better world is for more people to be feeling good about themselves. That's literally it. If more people felt good about themselves, we wouldn't have half of the shite that is happening in the world. I truly believe that and it might sound like a simplification, but that's what I believe. It's that amazing quote. I think we did a whole episode about this One of my favorite quotes.
Speaker 1:I can never bloody remember who it's by, but it's don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive. And it's so true. If everybody on the planet went inwards and focused on what made them feel good, and focused on cultivating joy and focused on cultivating a more positive mindset, and did these practices every morning, so that they started off their day feeling better, they felt more whole within themselves, because that's what we're all chasing. We're all chasing a feeling of wholeness. If more people did that, there wouldn't be so much shit happening in the world. So you're absolutely right to say that you know we do all have a responsibility and you know this kind of speaks to the sort of victim mentality where we're also like we're also good at blaming everyone else. It's like, well, it's their fault or that thing's fault, or it's the fault of this or the fault of the government or the fault of blah, blah, blah, whatever. We've got to take some personal responsibility. And and actually the irony is that in this crazy world, by making ourselves happier, we're not only helping ourselves but we're also helping the world around us. And because, when and when people also you're kind of giving other people permission to do the same for themselves and, like you said, you know it's not like either of us are wandering around feeling bloody amazing all the time. Not at all. I've actually had a couple of really feeling really low the last couple of weeks, not for any particular reason, but I've actually had a couple of really feeling really low the last couple of weeks, not for any particular reason, but I've been feeling, my mood has been really low for no particular reason. I feel I feel better this week actually, but you know that happens to all of us, no matter how positive your mindset is or what.
Speaker 1:When you again, when, like you say, when you regulate your nervous system, it just enables you to cope so much better with those tiny little things that happen every single day that you can either allow to piss you off and, oh, make me just like, oh, I'm so annoyed at that person. You can either allow that or you can regulate your nervous system and therefore have the ability to not not hold on to the things that really don't fucking matter and instead focus on. Hang on a minute, I'm going to stop obsessing about this stupid thing that happened this morning in the supermarket queue and instead I'm going to start focusing on what am I going to do today that is going to take me one step further towards the life that I really want, you know. Let me just think about, let you know, whilst I'm standing in this queue, feeling really irritated irritated. Why don't I, instead of feeling irritated, why don't I stand here and like, have a bit of a daydream about what I want for my life and what I want it to look like and start coming up with a bit of a plan, and it's not about taking massive steps, it really is just getting a little bit intentional. And that starts with you know.
Speaker 1:Again, going back to what I was saying at the beginning, if we're not, if we're not intentionally creating a life that we don't want to escape from, then we are. We are always going to be tossed around by the waves of life that we're not in control of. We're going to end up doing that. We're going to end up in that job, we're going to end up in that, whatever. You know, we're going to end up doing all of these things rather than intentionally deciding on what we're going to do and where we're going to be and what we're going to, what job we're going to do and all the rest of it.
Speaker 2:You know, yeah, yeah yeah, and also, I think, um, it is about also allowing yourself to do the things that, like you know, we've talked about this as well do the things that really truly light you up, yeah, and um and just and and kind of putting more importance on those things, uh, actually carving out time and doing them. So you know, as we say, even if it is at the weekend, just doing those things that light up your soul and not pushing them to the bottom of the list and thinking we don't have time for actually making them a priority, because that's what makes us feel, you know, we're not here just to kind of pay the bills and then die. We're actually here to create, to live our lives to the fullest, to have really meaningful relationships. So it's, I think it's really important to remember that. You know, how much do we actually need? Okay, yes, we all want to have as much stuff, you know, live well, we want to live comfortable lives, but really, ultimately, when is enough and how, I don't know, we just need to, yeah, really appreciate and be grateful for the small things which we do have.
Speaker 2:And, you know, rather than get out of that constant mentality of just needing more, more, more, more, more. And, you know, gratitude is, as we know, is one of those great things that it just constantly brings you back to the present, to the now, to what we have. And I don't say that lightly, because I know that I'm coming at it from a place of real privilege. You know, my life isn't, you know, I, I live this great life. So, but I think that you have whatever, however you're living, you can still come back to we've. You know, if you get to have your next meal, if you get to, I don't know, do whatever it is, there's some, you know, go outside, have a walk, feel the sun on your face.
Speaker 2:We can all be grateful for, for what we have, and I think those little moments of joy kind of bring you back to that state of presence. I think it's about, you know, really coming back to that present moment. Stop worrying about the future, um, stop worrying, you know, about what's happened, and just come back to this present moment, and then that is where we can find real joy and peace, um, you know, and and the more we can do that throughout every single day, the more we're going to just feel like, oh, it's actually, this is good, life is all right, um, I don't need to escape from my life or run away, um, so yeah we forget.
Speaker 1:You know you're so, you're so right, I totally agree with you. And you know we forget that literally all we have is this present moment, like, like, it's literally all we have. You, this present moment, like, like it's, it's literally all we have. You know, we're constantly thinking, oh fuck, what I did yesterday or what did I say three weeks ago to that guy, or you know, worrying about um, you know what's going to happen in the future, or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But actually the way that we, you know, the way that I try and encourage people, you know people listen to my podcast, people in my membership, I encourage people to like, we've got to be joyful in the present, with what we have now, and excited about what's coming. That's the kind of sweet combination. It's like being grateful for what you have now and being happy with the life you have now, even if it's not where you necessarily want to be forever. It's be. It's making peace with them, be it. And finding joy in the life that you have now, in those present moments, while at the same time feeling excitement, yeah, for the future, not feeling like, oh, I'm never gonna get there, or oh god, it's not fair because I'm not blah, blah, blah, you know. No, no, no, we have to feel this sort of just quiet excitement for where we're going and grateful for where we are. And, like you say, you know, it's always like you come back to gratitude and it fucking works. And it works. You know science. Like, please go and look up studies on gratitude. Yeah, it's literally. If we are not intentionally practicing gratitude every day, we are missing a goddamn trick, because there are hundreds of studies on gratitude, all of the mental health benefits, the physical health benefits, the spiritual health benefits. It's just huge read.
Speaker 1:Also read a book called. We did this in my book club. Um, there's a book called the magic by ronda byrne. Who's the person? The same person who wrote the secret. But this is a. It's a 28 day gratitude practice and it's brilliant and you read a chapter a day and she does a. You do a different gratitude practice every day and it just gets you into the vibe of gratitude. I highly recommend it. And it's a bit cringe and you're like. You know, if you're really cynical, like I certainly used to be and still can be, it's just like, oh for fuck's sake, but actually sometimes, sometimes you've got to let go of that cynical side of you and go.
Speaker 1:Do you know what, if I want to change my life, I've got to open up to these things and I can't keep being like rolling my eyes at every personal growth book or every person who talks about gratitude. If I just you know, if you're going to be that person who just keeps rolling your eyes when people talk about being grateful, then good luck, yeah and that used to be me, that used to be me 100%.
Speaker 2:I think a really I mean a really easy way to is just when you wake up in the morning, you know you can just literally be grateful for waking up in your warm, cozy bed and you know, and oh, it's a new day. And then at the end of the day that's when I find it easiest I'm lying in bed and I'll just kind of do three things I'm really grateful for for the day. Yeah, and that's it, and it's simple, it's easy, it's done, but it makes you wake up and go to sleep in really in a really nice place, which makes you feel good and um, and kind of gets rid of all of those. You know it can. It can really get you out of the worries and the doubts before you go to sleep and before you start your day. So I really like that.
Speaker 1:Totally. I also love the thing where I do it when I lie down and go to turn my light out, I will consciously think about something exciting that I'm kind of manifesting for the future. You know, and I think so many of us lie in bed and we're worrying about this or we're stressing about this. But don't do that. Just shift your focus and think about something that you're, that you desire in the future. Think about something that you're excited about, something that you want, but think about it in an excited way. Yeah, you know, visualize it. And it's such a great way to go to sleep, not least because it means that you're embedding it into your subconscious. That's the thought that you're having as you drift off to sleep. Rather than and that does, that does impact you know what your subconscious is going to do during the night. It really does, yeah. So, yeah, yeah, cool, we've got a minute over.
Speaker 2:We are done. Um, thank you everybody who has listened, watched. Oh, my goodness, I really am losing my voice this morning. Um, okay, um, yeah, well, we'll see you next next monday. Um, for more monday motivation. Have a good day, yeah, you too. Bye.