MENOMORPHOSIS

The Self Love Revolution (Revisited) with Lou Featherstone

• Polly Warren

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This week, I’m sharing a special episode from the MENOMORPHOSIS archives—one that’s very close to my heart. This was actually the first ever interview I recorded for the podcast, back in May 2022, and it’s just as relevant and inspiring today.

In this episode, I chat with the brilliant Lou Featherstone, also known as @luinland over on Instagram. Lou is bold, funny, and fiercely real. She shares her midlife journey—from giving up shopping and moving countries, to embracing her voice, her body, and her purpose.

We talk about confidence, community, creativity, and why midlife can be a time of powerful change—if you let it.

Whether you’re hearing it for the first time or listening again, I hope it leaves you feeling uplifted and reminded that this chapter of life is full of potential.

If you don't already, go give Lou a follow over on instagram https://www.instagram.com/luinluland/

To watch Lou's TED talk go to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMBHlD7zEL8

Download The Breath Check-Up - your FREE guide to understanding how well you're breathing right now.

Download my energising 5 Minute Morning Practice to get your day started in the best way possible.

To find out more about my membership The Inner Space go to: https://www.pollywarren.com/theinnerspace

Email me at: info@pollywarren.com
https://www.pollywarren.com/
https://www.instagram.com/pollywarrencoaching/

Polly:

Are you, like me, riding the roller coaster of midlife and menopause and eager to get back to living your best life? Are you tired of low energy, a short temper and endless self-doubt? Well, it's time to stress less and shine more. It's time to ditch the worry, reclaim your mojo and tap back into the incredible woman you already are, because midlife isn't the end of anything. It's the beginning of becoming more you, more grounded, more radiant, more powerful than ever before. Join me each week for real uplifting conversations to help you feel better, think clearer and live with more joy, purpose and ease, because it's never too late and you're certainly notomorphosis Now.

Polly:

I am off on holiday for two weeks this week and I've busily been trying to get everything ready before I go on holiday. I'm sure you can relate before you go away, there always seems to be so much more to get done, because I am absolutely committed to taking those two weeks off and really not doing any work and enjoying the time, really precious time, with my family. I'm still so delighted that our three children want to come. Well, the youngest has to come. She has no choice. But my older two the one's about to be 19 and the other is 20 they still want to come. So, yes, we need to enjoy these times before they don't want to come with us anymore.

Polly:

So full disclosure here. I only had time to record one new episode and put that out. So I've had a brainwave. I thought, actually, why not revisit a previous episode from because I've had a brainwave? I thought, actually, why not revisit a previous episode because I've been doing this podcast now for nearly three years. I did take a little bit of a break in between, but three years ago, may 2022, is when I started this podcast. So I had a look back and I thought, actually do. Do you know what? What better place to go and revisit than my first interview that I ever did with the brilliant Lou Featherstone, aka at Lou and Lou Land, over on Instagram. She now has over a hundred thousand followers on Instagram and I've known Lou because she used to live in Brighton. Her son went to the same primary school as my kids and she used to do some amazing work for our local community. She founded the, the summer, the spring festival in our local park. We used to go on these incredible camping weekends which she organized. We would have silent discos, campfires. The kids just had the best time. She organized so many things and she was such a special part of the community. And then she moved to the US and when I interviewed her three years ago, when I was just starting this podcast, she very kindly agreed to come on the podcast and tell me about her experience.

Polly:

Lou is all about inspiring women to be themselves, to live out loud. She's a total force of nature, she's bold, she's real, she's hilarious and she is fiercely committed to empowering women, especially those of us navigating midlife. She is one of the most authentic voices on social media. She really does not hold back and constantly inspires others to step out of their comfort zones and become the boldest, brightened version of themselves of themselves. When we recorded this conversation, Lou was about to go on a solo tour across America in a massive bus. She crowdfunded the money to buy. She was absolutely terrified, but she bloody did it and if you go back and look at her Instagram, you will see her journey of taking on that big, bold challenge. She's now back in the UK still doing amazing things. She's brought her bus back over and she's doing loads of festivals over the summer. So I really think if you didn't listen to this first time round. You're going to really enjoy it and if you did listen to it first time round, I think you're also going to enjoy listening to it for the second time.

Polly:

So, without further ado, please welcome back for the second time the fabulous Lou Featherstone now. You're living currently in Portland, oregon, but soon actually to be returning back to the UK. But you have got the most incredible Instagram feed. It's's just super colorful, vibrant, fun, sexy, it's all the things. And you've got an incredible following and it just shows someone who is living life to the full and loving life. And you know, lou, you are an embodiment of how old are you now? 51. You're 51 now. So how a 51 year old woman can be, you know confident, sexy, living life to the facts and kind of almost putting two fingers up to that sort of patriarchal society and to what midlife women should be doing. So I know that this sort of midlife time for you has been quite a transformational time in more ways than one, so I'm sure it would really be of so much benefit for others to hear how have you got to this place where you are today. You know how have you changed during this midlife transition?

Lou:

yeah, oh, my goodness me, I, I don't know. I still feel like I'm in the middle of it. You know I talk about where I am now, but it's such a journey, um, I don't know. I think it probably started a bit with, probably around 41 I don't know if you remember. Actually it was, um the kids we were I was living in Brighton and Oscar was at school I started the non-shopping project.

Lou:

I was a terrible shopaholic for years well, still am. It's a, you know, it's a real, legit kind of addiction. And, um, I'd had enough. I was working for social services, I'd bought a ridiculously expensive pair of shoes and woke up one night in a cold sweat, just sort of. I'm 41. This is crazy. I've got to sort this out. I can't keep doing this and running myself into debt and my husband of time and debt, um, and so I made a decision to stop shopping and, um, I did it. From that day, I started a blog. The next day, started taking pictures of my outfit every day. I remember Oscar was about seven and took my picture. Part of the morning routine was, you know, breakfast, packed lunch, oscar take my picture, poor child.

Lou:

Um, and then, but when that year finished, while I did address my shopping habits and it did change the way I shopped and I understood more about why I was doing it, what really was the most. You know the, the feeling that I had most coming out of that was a confidence that I'd never had before. At 41 I was like, oh, what's that feeling? And I went. I realized that at that point that if I could give up shopping for a year, if I could do that, I could do anything I wanted, if I just made my mind up. And then I was a bit annoyed that it'd take me to 41 to realize this. And then I still didn't really realize what that was. I was like, right now I just need to decide what I want to do and then I'll be great at it, and spent another few years trying to figure out what that was.

Lou:

But then we moved to America and that was all of the things. It was terrifying and exciting and agonizing, leaving family and friends and a really nice life that we had in Brighton. It was selfish at the time to move Oscar, who was 10 and loved his little Hove Park cults, and you know we had a great life. You know great camps with the community. The community fest was great, but I think that was probably the best thing we ever did. I mean, you know, I'd hope Guy will look back on it about my husband now, because so much has happened for us here.

Lou:

We've had very different journeys since we came here. You know, we arrived, guy threw himself into the new job, which was a, you know, huge job that brought us here. So of course he needed to sort of. You know, we got here I thought it was a holiday. He went to work. I was like what's going on? You mean, you've got to actually work, uh, and I think I just didn't really realize that life would just. You know, there's still bills to pay and they're still. You know, oscar has trouble at just. You know, there's still bills to pay and there's still. You know, oscar has trouble at school. Or you know, shit still happens. We're not on vacation, you just move location. But that gave me a confidence as well, of course.

Lou:

And then that first year Guy was busy, busy, you know, establishing himself in his new job and I couldn't work. I didn't have a visa to work, I'd come as guys dependent, which just didn't. I was laughing about it and but it felt really strange to me at the time and I couldn't really articulate why it was irking me so much. But I'd never had to be, I'd never felt dependent on anyone before um, and to be listed as a dependent made me feel a little bit queasy, but I was lucky enough to have that year to spend. You know, I joined the PTA at school to get Oscar into the community. I was lucky enough to have that year to spend. You know, I joined the PTA at school to get Oscar into the community. I was getting Oscar settled at school. You know it's very different culture here which I hadn't anticipated. So I was helping him navigate that and having play dates to make sure he needed to be where he wanted to be.

Lou:

And then, while he was at school, I started to meet amazing women and just I started a hiking group fairly soon after arriving um, and started to just meet some real badass women, um, and I had this luxury of this time really to really think about so many things, um, and really start doing some work on myself, which sounds terribly American, but you know it was. I had time. Hike squad was definitely the best therapy. We'd climb a mountain every week back then, um, because none of us had jobs at that point. We gradually got busier over the years, but we still hike, you know, every few weeks we get together a hike spot, um. But we've ended up doing amazing things. We've walked the grand canyon, we've climbed volcanoes, um, and just, you know, just doing these crazy things. So, and Americans Americans are really very positive and uplifting, so they sort of really, you know, and they love my Britishness, so it was quite a good combination.

Lou:

But I joined the gym. One thing I did do when I gave up shopping was get into fitness, and that was the first time I ever got into fitness at 41. I'd always been active, but I basically drank wine and ate crisps and didn't eat much food and that kept me slim. But then, when I stopped shopping, I needed to fill my time with something. So that's when I got into running and boot camps. And then, when we came to America, I started CrossFit and just got physically much, much stronger and that really helps me mentally as well. So it's a combination of all of those things.

Polly:

Yeah and did. At this time, when you were so, from the age of 41 to now, did you get hit badly by perimenopause or did it creep up on you or you know and did all? How did you manage all of that?

Lou:

I mean, I don't think I really noticed the perimenopause that much. It wasn't, you know, and I'm because we're going back I probably was in perimenopause when I was about 47, I don't know, I just wasn't really noticing it um so much. But the hot flush, the hot flush just started, um, and then, you know, everything just started, you know, just suddenly. It would take a little bit longer if I was trying to lose a bit of weight, if I felt like I was gaining weight all of a sudden, for absolutely no reason. Nothing much had changed, or, you know, my hair suddenly went thin and I was what's happening and obviously, you know skin's changing. But I kind of, at the same time, my confidence was growing. So I don't know if I just wasn't stuck in in it.

Lou:

And I have been lucky. I mean, I know I've been really lucky. I've ridden out the hot flushes and I've found a place where I can you know, I just have to ride out the mood swings, I go for a walk. I live in a forest now. So I'm really lucky. So there's been ways where I feel like I've been able to manage it manage it.

Polly:

To me it sounds like because you've got outlets such as your exercise and going for walks, going for hikes. That that is like therapy, isn't it? It does help with those sort of real fluctuations in mood.

Lou:

And sort of regular therapy with, you know, with a therapist really, you know, and being able to talk about it. But also I mean so Instagram start when you know, when I moved here, it was really pictures of mountains and you know, pictures of my lunch and pictures of my coffee, and that was great. And then I went to, I joined a women's group and I went to a session and it was being run by a woman called Tammy Kent and you should look her up. She's known as the vagina whisperer and she's got a TED talk and she believes, as women, all our power is stored in our vaginas, which you know, when you think about it, it makes sense. It's the source of life, right? So all our power is stored in there, but also all our trauma is stored in there. That's where all our stress goes. It's all our shame is hidden and buried in there. If you don't deal with it.

Lou:

And for years I'd said to people you know I had a, you know I work for social services with families in crisis a lot and people would say how do you cope, how do you, how do you come home at night, you know, not worry about those families? And I had an amazing system that I developed as a child when we moved a lot, whereas if I have a problem, I'd visualize putting it in a box and put a lid on the box and then I'd it away and I say to people it's brilliant, I just don't give people the time. I put them in a box, they shove it away and it's absolutely fine. Well, lo and behold, when you get to sort of 45, 46, all these boxes come flying fucking open and all the lids blow off. The problems are still there.

Lou:

So as I, as I've got older, what I've started to try to do is be okay with being with. Things are hard. I was trying to find a place where I'm okay with it being hard, because it's the part of the journey and just to ride it out and embrace it rather than just be beaten by it. Just go right, okay, I know this is coming, and just sit with it and feel the feelings. And then if you, if I allow the feelings to come around and shove it away, I can talk myself through it and I can solve the problem and move on. Then it's sort of. You know, I don't always solve them, but at least if I give them the acknowledgement that I'm able to move forward. Does that make sense?

Polly:

it absolutely, totally makes sense. So it's. It's only when we feel the feels and kind of envelop ourselves in them that we can actually move through them.

Lou:

I now go oh, what's you know, what are your feet? I'm like I'm scared and I'm like, right, you know you're doing the right thing. You're scared is right. If it's boring, it's not. It's kind of my mantra.

Lou:

I went to see the vagina whisperer and she we did, we meditated to our vagina. So she's a vagina therapist. She has a one year long waiting list for people and she basically fingers them for a thousand dollars and releases them. That's basically what happened. She didn't do that. On the evening I went to see her because I wasn't. I was like this is a bit woo woo for me, but I went anyway because I was like you know what else am I going gonna do on a Wednesday night? My friend needed a ride and we meditated to our vaginas and I cannot tell you what happened that night, but she shifted my energy. She somehow put me in touch with some of my trauma and my shame and it allowed me to, like, open myself up to new possibilities. I now know that's what happened. I didn't realize the time was happening. I just feel an energy shift in me and I had just the next morning I said to ask Oscar, my son was watching YouTube and I'd never really paid YouTube much mind and um.

Lou:

So I was laughing and I said, well, maybe I'll start a YouTube channel now. I'm all powerful me and my vagina feeling very powerful after I've done a meditation and Oscar's like, oh my god, what would you do? And I said, what would you call it? And I went I don't know, maybe middle-aged margaritas and the menopause. He's like, oh my god, no one will watch it, it's gonna be awful. And, um, he went off to school and I spent all day watching YouTube channels the most, most ridiculous things and when I could do this.

Lou:

And then I called me who's a mutual friend of Polly and I's and said I want to set up a YouTube channel. What do I do? Because me runs a business where she trains women to be more visible online and helps them, you know, with their brand and being in their Instagram or their YouTube channel. And so she said I've got a course starting on Monday. Why don't you do it for free? Give me a shout out on Instagram. So I went, okay, and I spent the weekend doing a workbook and I developed a whole business over the weekend.

Lou:

At the time I was doing British tea parties and I was like, you know I want to do stuff with style and get free stuff, and so I invented a styling business that weekend. And this all came from the vagina. She shifted my energy. I came up with a whole new business concept over that weekend. I started the course on the Monday, the following Monday, and here I am now, four years later, with an Instagram business about to go on an American tour taking message out there. So yeah, it's been a journey it sure has.

Polly:

So, yeah, I'm kind of I'm going to come back to the style actually but, um, what I'd love to know, lou, is that. You know you put out so much brilliant content all the time and I'm just wondering are there some days where you just think, oh, my god, I can't be asked? Oh, my god this is just too much. Yeah, and what keep? What? So what? What drives you? What drives you to keep, keep going, to put the content out?

Lou:

um, oh, every, every single person that follows me, every woman I meet in the street, everybody I have a conversation with when I'm out shooting. I mean, it's a, it's a hoot, it's hilarious. Um, and we, you know people hooting their horns, people start, people yelling Luna, we love you. As they drive by, like I love it, and people are like you're so inspirational and I'm like, no, you lot inspire me. It's like beautiful women are just a great circle. You know, I organize events and you know people go what's happening, and I'm like I've invited a bunch of women, haven't actually organized anything else beyond that, because women make the party and bring the party. That's what we do. We make things happen. We, you know, I do quite a few podcasts and interviews and I and I try to.

Lou:

I try not to repeat myself, but one thing I do always say is, you know, women, the power of women together is there's just nothing like it. But women just need permission for some reason. I don't know why we feel like we need permission the whole time for things, and that's what I try to do. I don't know how I do it, but I seem to be able to give women permission and show them that there's other ways of doing things. I mean, you don't have to run naked down the street in a pair of you know, wellington boots. That's just how I choose to to express myself and encourage women to do it. But you know, um, I don't know. It's just show there's other ways you can do things, be it it your style. You know, just making little changes in your life or little changes in the way you think about things can have such a massive impact, particularly in menopause, because it's such a huge time of change, but it can be the best change ever if you decide that you want it to be.

Polly:

I mean, how we dress totally reflects how we feel. You know it's, and it is so easy just to get bogged down in all the same old clothes that you've worn for years, and it can be. I mean from experience. It's very easy to be drab and dreary to anyone listening. What would you say to them if they're thinking they're looking at their wardrobe and going, oh god, I just need some. It needs to be zhuzhed up. What can I do? What can you know, which isn't going to cost me pounds? How can I be a bit more Lou and Lula, I mean?

Lou:

accessories are a really quick, easy way, like vintage scarves are dirt cheap in the charity shop. Um, a good accessory always works, but really just try to put in, wear different things. Like I'm wearing pajama, but I wear these pajama bottoms as trousers. Or I wear my dressing gowns as coats, because how good is that as a coat? It's brilliant, but it was that instead of paying coat money at the charity shop, I pay like 12 bucks in the vintage store, you know, in the, in the goodwill. So they're really like what I love.

Lou:

I've got so many good dressing gowns. I wear those, you know, a plain white t-shirt and jeans, and you can, you know, throw a dressing gown over it. Um, charity shops are just the best and you get much more interesting things in there. You know shop online a little bit too. Um, there's some really good vintage collections on etsy and stuff and just get one or two really good pieces. Best thing you'll ever buy, though, best pair, it's sunglasses, just a really good, spangy pair of sunglasses, and you'll never be lonely because people talk to you all the time. It's one thing I really love about america is they're really really amazing at saying oh my god, I love what you're wearing. Oh my god, you look great today. You know, america's are really good at complimenting each other and like lifting each other up, and british people aren't so good at that, so I always try to make sure when I'm back going.

Polly:

I like your outfit.

Lou:

I like your outfit. You look good today.

Polly:

I and you know you. You say that kind of growing into sort of middle age with optimism and energy is something that you still feel totally passionate about, as do I. But I know that many women at this stage of their lives feel anything but optimistic and have absolutely zero energy. So what would you say to them? Have you got got any any tips?

Lou:

People always say where'd you get your energy from? And I think part of that, part of part of it, is what you're born with. I think, um, I also think the more I do, the more energy I get. So the days I lie on the sofa, I feel like crap. It just doesn't sort of.

Lou:

There's days where I do do that and there's days I want to do nothing more than lie in bed with the cover over my head, and there are days where I do that, a lot of that. You know I'm in the middle of separating from my husband, for example, and you know there's days where I literally can't speak two words because it's bad, or it's stressful, or it's painful, or I'm angry, or there's, you know it, there's so much to process, especially because we we live in the same house, um, because you know that's the path we've chosen, but it um, you know well, the path chose us really because of finances and covid and stuff, but you know we've managed to even manage to turn that into something that's positive. You know we I'm very grateful we had an amazing marriage and you know we've got an amazing friendship that's still left.

Polly:

It's just the romantic part of our journey that's come to an end oh, I'm so sorry to hear that, and you know, god, what a testament that you are still managing to live in the same home and do it in a way which is positive yeah, you know, and we've.

Lou:

You know we're trying to have as much grace for each other as we can. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fucking saint, um, but you know I hope I don't know, I hope we we're doing as best a job as you can, but you know you can't. I mean, I had no idea watching other people divorce what it's like and it is awful and we're not even fighting. It's brutal and it's awful and we're kind of like a piece. You know we're as much at peace with it as we can be so what do you do to protect your energy then?

Polly:

so, as you said, you have days where you just do nothing do you know what I've really?

Lou:

I've come to realize silence, which is really mad, because I'm like, oh, people, just, I think people think I'm busy all the time. I'm out every night. I, you know, and, and I am, I am so happy and I'm busy all the time, I'm out every night, I, you know, and and I am, I am so happy to be busy all day, but come the evenings I'm generally in bed around 930, you know, and I'm on my messages and I, you know, I, you know, I'm really always preparing content for the next day or writing a post, but I just silence, you know know. Being outside really helps, being in the trees, you know, being with my girls as well, but silence. I have to find myself in the car. I see people singing along in the car and I do have days where I do that if I need to pump myself up, but lots of time I actually sit in silence and just really go through that work through, and it's so bad.

Lou:

You find it's really hard to find time to just silence, but you get quite a lot done when you're quiet, um, which is really odd. And then I listened to Will Smith's book recently and he went on a silent retreat the day. He didn't speak for days and it changed his life and I was like, oh, maybe there is something in the silent, but also, um, the fitness really helps. Like I start my day every day with something. It's not if I don't go to the gym, it's a hike. I'll go for a walk. We've got a really steep set of stairs nearby and I'll call the girls and we hike the stairs, yeah.

Polly:

You're another early morning fitness person.

Lou:

If it gets to lunchtime I've lost interest by noon. It just makes sense it's all about. It's more about how I start my day than actually I mean I love. I love the work I've learned. I've also trained myself to love work. Yeah, I mean, don't get me right. Still, I still days where I don't want to do it, but I know I can. I can hold the thought. You'll feel better when you've done it. You'll feel better when you've done it. Just you know that.

Lou:

So I have lots of things I tell myself a lot like I write myself affirmations. It sounds really math when I say I feel like when I specifically when I'm doing a British podcast, I sound really American. These days I write myself affirmations. You know journaling, I mean all these things that you see are really helpful writing things down. I mean I do it all on Instagram that you see are really helpful. Writing things down, I mean I do it all on Instagram, so I don't just write it in a journal, I write it out loud and I share that and that's. You know, that's most people's worst nightmare, but for me I find it really helpful and empowering.

Lou:

Like I said before, people always say well, you know, you're so inspiring and you empower us. I'm like maybe you empower me to empower you, and then so I feel like I'm on the journey with all 45,000 blue and lulat and that you know, there's no, there's no, I have no formula really. I mean, I do have a bit of a formula now because I've just started. I've actually found a way of turning it into a big. So no, I don't want to make it sound like I, of turning it into a big. So no, I don't want to make it sound like I'm turning it into a business.

Lou:

But I, you know, woman's got a pair. You know, I gotta pay bills. I've got, uh, I still have to live. Um, it's quite hard, it's a hard decision to choose to make your money, like living out loud and sharing everything, because people, you know you put yourself out there for risk of judgment or you know, and people make assumptions all the time um, oh, you must have had a really easy life or nothing's ever happened to you. It's all right for you. You've got this, you've got that, you know, and of course, I'm aware I am, you know, extraordinarily privileged position where I am, you know, I try to keep it as real as possible um, how do you cope with that?

Polly:

because you're always going to get those people, aren't they who kind of always who judge you?

Lou:

do you know what the funniest thing is? I don't get. I don't get too much when some days it hits really hard and it can be the silliest thing. Um, that irritates me. Someone. Someone said I look too skinny, and I, and I lost my mind. I was like how dare you? And it was, but it was, because one of my most regretful errors on Instagram was, um, I posted a picture of me, um, and somebody had commented. A woman had commented oh, you look really skinny, you could do with eating a burger. And it just triggered something in me. And, and the next, and so I was like, how dare she sit in judgment on me whether I'm too skinny or too fat?

Lou:

And at the time, I was going through a really hard patch with the separation and I wasn't eating enough and I was really stressed out. And it just triggered all of that in me, um, and so I posted the next day. You know, don't make comments like this on it. You know, about women, this is what we do to each other. Stop it. You know it's not your position to say whether I've you know whether I'm too skinny or too fat. Where were you sitting in judgment on my weight? Um, and I did it in anger and frustration and I didn't, but I it was, of course.

Lou:

What people did then was go back to the post and see who had written the comment, and I hadn't deleted the comment. And so then all these women started attacking this woman and it turned in. It felt like the gladiators. It was awful she ended up doing having to do a post saying can you please stop attacking me. I was just kidding, I worried about her like we've ended up becoming really good friends because I had to message her and just say I am so sorry that was not what I intended to do. My, my, my Llewyn Landians are like really fiercely loyal to me, but what? What all these amazing women were doing trying to support me. They then drank this poor woman through the through the meal and I felt awful. I felt absolutely dreadful. You you know sometimes we all get it a bit wrong and I would never do that again. So I've learned to stop. You know, I try not to post angrily. That's the only thing I try to avoid doing, but sometimes the world gets the better off.

Polly:

I mean, I suppose it's. It's not always going to be easy, is it? And I actually, I kind of. I really like your, your honesty, when you admit that actually it is quite hot.

Polly:

Stuff is hard it's really hard and and particularly actually today, you wrote a post which I really just really resonated with is. I think you said something like how do you do you level out kind of the feeling confident and proud really proud of your successes versus the feeling like you're showing off and that you don't deserve it, and that's kind of? I suppose, when the resistance turns up, doesn't it that? You know how do you get rid of that? It's the resistance which can sometimes can really hold us back from doing the things which really is, can really hold us back from doing the things which really is what you're meant to be doing, your passion and your purpose yeah, yeah, and I, I mean I, it's still scary.

Lou:

So I have, instead of just leaving, you know, instead of going. Well, you know, we came to America. You know, oscar was 10, our marriage was great, you know, guy's career was soaring, we were in a great spot, you know. And now what? Seven and a half, eight years later, I'm gonna what? Just get on a plane, divorcing, and you know, and, separated and sad, I'm like, no, I'm in America, but it's time for me to go home.

Lou:

Um, so I bought. I saw a vintage RV on the side of the road, um, and we'd I've been out for a hike with a friend and we saw it on the side. It was an old greyhound bus that had been done up as a camper. And I said to her at the time it was it was another rough patch living in the house. I said maybe I'll just buy it and I could live in it. If things, if things carry on like this with Kai, I don't think I could last till the summer.

Lou:

I went home that night and it wasn't quite the right bus, but the idea was I was like I bought the bus. What could I do with the bus? And then I, and then that night I'd had a joint because we legal in Oregon which let's just talk about that, I'm gonna miss that um, and I'd had about three gin and tonics and there was a huge storm. I had the boys were away somewhere, I was on my own. There's a massive storm and a huge storm. The boys were away somewhere, I was on my own. There was a massive storm and a huge tree fell in the forest and it clipped the house and the house shook and it missed. Luckily it missed me. There was a bit of a hole in the roof, but that was it. If it had hit me I would have died. And because I was stoned and a little bit drunk, I was like it's a sign I should buy the bus.

Lou:

And I became obsessed with the idea of the bus and I was like I cannot sit here and just wait for this, for Oscar to leave home. And you know I, you know I've got to do something less and I just I'm feeling more and more energized by what I'm doing and I know I'm doing the right thing. More and more women are coming, more and more women are opening up to me and talking. The more conversations I have, the more it, sparks it, I'm going to buy the bus. I'm going to buy a bus. So I found a bloody bus.

Lou:

The following week I found Susie down in Arizona online. Someone gave me a tip off. I was like I need a bus. I said in my Instagram. I was like I haven't got the money, but you have to wait for me, give me a month, just let me try and raise the money. And so I started selling seats on the bus and I crowdfunded buying her. You know, I'm like I'm on this mission. This is what I want to do. I want to take around America. I want to do events. I just want to get people talking. And people paid like everybody bought a seat for $1,000. So I got a one-way ticket to Arizona and went and picked her up on the day after Christmas Day. I got out of the Uber in this dusty desert in Arizona. I took one look at her and just burst into tears. I sank to my knees and just was like what have I done now? Like what ludicrous, freaking thing have I done now? And? But I am so happy. She's amazing.

Polly:

I feel like such a badass driving her and you drove her all the way back immediately, then that itself must have been so terrifying, but you did.

Lou:

It just goes to show what you can do, what we are capable of when we put our mind something right so I arrived and then I spent the afternoon with the guy and he kind of showed me where everything was and then I went to the local supermarket and got some bits and bobs, um, and I had a little drive and I was really scared and, um, I was like, right, okay, I was, I plan to leave the next morning and I could, I could stay in it where it was. So I said to him how do you feel if I just stayed another night? So could I stay tomorrow night as well, and then tomorrow I could have another couple of practice drives. And he went, yeah, yeah, sure. Anyway, that night I made a video off of Instagram because I hadn't told anybody I was doing it and I just sort of like said, posted a mysterious picture from the airport because I didn't really know what I was gonna say and I was like what I've just invented this I'm going to say. And I was like what I've just invented this, I'm going to do an American tour. What if no one gives a shit? What am I thinking? You know who am I to think that anyone's even going to want to come to an event or meet me? It's like I feel like an imposter. Like am I really being big headed? People really would want to come and went. Anyway, I did a video crying my eyes out, going. I've done a thing, I've bought a bus. They went to sleep. Floods of tears. Woke up the next morning I was like, right, I'm just gonna have a little drive and it'll all be all right. And I opened my phone and it was bursting with messages. I had messages from Davina McCall. I had messages from all around the world going oh my fucking god, yes, yes, yes, yes, you can do this, you can do this, you can do this. And I read them all call. I had messages from all around the world going oh my fucking god, yes, yes, yes, yes, you can do this, you can do this, you can do this. And I read them all and I was like you know what you can. You're here now, you've done it, you've just got to go. So I started her up and he, the guy, came along. He had a couple of bits and bobs I needed him to do on it and I went right, I'm off. And he went. I thought you were going to have another practice drive and I went no, I'm just gonna go. Um, I think the best thing I can do is just get going, otherwise I'm gonna worry about it. So I'm just gonna do it. So he went, oh hi. And then he just stood there going hi. Then thanks for the thanks for the $30,000, good luck.

Lou:

I literally drove out there and I I had planned to do it by myself. My friends had all been like can we come? Can we come? I'll come, people, I could probably come if you want me to. And I'm like you know what? I have to do this by myself. I have been with a boyfriend since I was 11 years old and this is this is my bus, and I just need to do this by myself. So I got to Palm Springs and my friend was there and she went shall I come with you? And I was like please come with me, because it's really scary by yourself. I'm so glad she did, but it's the first thing I've been responsible for by myself for for as long as I can remember and it's so empowering and so scary. Sorry, I didn't mean to cry.

Polly:

No. But it's such an amazing example, lou, of just when we put ourselves in those positions of just not knowing if we can do it or not do it, and you just did it, and it I mean well done, bloody well done. And now you're going to be taking her on this amazing tour must feel totally bloody terrifying but at the same time it's gonna just bring do amazing things.

Lou:

It is it is terrifying, but the most exciting thing is. So I decided to fund the tour, um, because I don't know, if you notice, the gas prices are like now is not the time to have a vintage rv that does like 10 miles to the gallon, I mean honestly, um. But I decided to get some sponsors and partners to work with more a to help me fund the tour, but also, you know, it helps me get my message out further um. But I'm also I've really struggled as life as an influencer trying to sort of, you know, sell products is just not my happy place, like I enjoy, um, partnering with small, small um businesses, usually women owned, I hope um, and doing collabs with them. So we, you know, we create stuff together and then we share the profit and it's much, you know, it's I really enjoyed doing that.

Lou:

I bought out the merch line, which is brilliant, and that's been so successful. So I'm kind of learning on the hoof, but I know that I just don't want to. You know I don't want to be an Instagram gang. Buy this. You know I only ever, I only will ever, sell or take a brand on if I believe in it, because otherwise it just doesn't, it doesn't sit right and I don't like it, um, and I and I've tried it and I and the reels that I've done are just shit because they're just not me and I can't. I, you know, I hate being told what I have to do. So I wanted to find some brand partners to work with um and I just started reaching out to people and asking if they wanted to do stuff together and they really loved being asked and it's really nice.

Lou:

So then for the tour obviously I want to get a bit bigger, I want to use bigger brands, because this is, you know, this is a good opportunity for a brand as well. Hopefully, follow me on this tour. I'm going to go 5,000 miles, I'm going to go through 18 states. So I sat down, I'm like, right, what do I need for the tour? Like, let's just start with that. What, what will I? What do I want? What am I promoting on the tour? So I approached Fun Factory, who are a vibrator brand, um, and they've come on board and now we're bringing I'm bringing out my own vibrator. Oh my gosh amazing.

Polly:

How does, how do you go about bringing out my own vibrator? Oh my gosh, amazing. How does how do you go about bringing out your own vibrator? Wow?

Lou:

Are you just you and Lubin Luland? I mean, I mean, how am I only just come up with Lubin Luland? I mean, it's been waiting to happen, so that's exciting. And then they're going to come to all the events that I'm going to hold and they're going to do sex workshops. They've got some amazing sex, but they have some really fun games to help women really and well, and couples think about um, think about their sexuality, think about themselves and, like you know, that's it's scary for a lot of people. Lots of people don't talk about it out loud. Lots of people don't even talk about this or have conversations about sexuality with themselves or their partners, um, and so I and I've done it with Oscar in parenting as well I'm just all for having the conversation, because if you don't talk about things, we talk about things, you make it normal.

Polly:

Yeah, you have to be realistic, it's so true it's. It's always the best way to talk about it. And um, and particularly women in sort of mid life, you know, sex can become such an issue because it becomes uncomfortable. They're not, and when you bottle it up and don't tell anybody, then it's just going to get worse and worse and worse, and then the relationships start to fall apart and the consequences are really really tragic really tragic and if you lose you, everything comes down to communication at the end of the day and hearing each other and in relationships and in families and in friendships.

Lou:

You know it's a cost a lot, but you know, I think you know, you get a pause in midlife. The kids just reach a certain age and they start. They don't even have even left when you're starting to prepare for them leaving or starting to think, well, in two years all the kids will be gone. What am I going to do then? You know, when you look around and you look at your husband and you're like, oh my god, it's just going to be the two of us, seriously, you know. Or you might look at your husband and go, oh my god, it's just gonna be the two of us. How exciting. What could we achieve? What can we? Oh my god, we don't need a babysitter anymore. My periods are stopped. Let's go like. There's two ways of going about everything right. So I think gotta be realistic that menopause is a massive change. It is a massive change and there are really shitty bits of it.

Lou:

Honestly, the hot flushes. I just find them really funny. I burst out laughing. I mean to start with a bit distressing. My hair goes like my. You can tell what I've had one because my hair just goes. It just goes curly.

Lou:

I've been in the middle of recording, get Dressed With Me and had a hot flush and I had to stop the camera from the. You know, stop the camera. And then I just recorded myself having a hot flush joke. Well, this is great and let everybody just watch me. I just find them funny.

Lou:

But my top tip for night flashes, if you have one in the night night and this is the beauty of having your own room or get your husband involved. If you have a wank, go straight back to sleep again. It's the last thing you feel like. Do get your husband involved. It's also quite handy. I went there, you go there, you go. It really helps you drift right back off again. Top tip from Lou and that, you know, that's another thing. That's really. I know it sounds. It sounds ludicrous. I did an interview recently down in LA and the whole headline was you know, wanking's changed my life. But it has in quite a lot of ways because it's, you know, separation and becoming a vibrator advocate. I get sent so many vibrators but I have to get. I get paid for trying vibrators. I mean, how have I managed to turn this into my life?

Polly:

Polly, I'm a genius let's just talk a little bit about community, because community and you go hang out. Thank you, I love that I think the first time we met was at I'm pretty sure it was at a clothes swap you organized at our kids primary school and then you and that was sort of for the members of the community. You then organized the St Anseville's Garden Festival, which is our local park, which is still going on. We had amazing charity events organized for you.

Lou:

We had the incredible fashion show in the local shop which I was in.

Polly:

And then I mean, there were so many things. There was Feather Fest, incredible camping weekends with silent discos and all of these events. You know, and I know you've done so many in Portland now but all of these events, what you know, I know you've done so many in Portland now but all of these events, what just was so special about them is that they weren't just for a select few. They were open to the community and included everybody. And I just think that is just such a special gift to have to bring people together in a really, really fun way. So I'm just really interested what's important to you about community?

Lou:

I mean I grew up in the church with dad being a vicar, so that you know I love that. That was a very unique community, obviously, but I think I've always just been surrounded by that, but we're just so much always better together. I think you know, like just sharing, and the one I mean Instagram's the devil in the deep blue sea, isn't it? And social media I mean it can be used however you choose or you can take from it whatever you choose, but I think what it's done is just open a conversation, like women talking to each other like we never had before, um, and we're able to connect with each other. And it's that. You know people go don't get real connections online. I absolutely disagree. I have so many. If you're, if you are real, you will find real connections with people and that's what it's all about. It's just bringing people together.

Lou:

And you know I'm having a, I'm in a panic attack. Um, I'm doing one of my first big events outside Portland. I mean even this week, even last, I threw my first bus party, proper bus party last week in Portland. So you know that fear you have when you have a birthday party. I mean I I still traumatized from not being picked for a team in PE, like, I, was always the last person to be picked. So if there's a team, if we're at the gym we have to pick teams I leave, I won't stay, in case I don't get picked. I'm literally traumatized by it.

Lou:

So, and I you know Oscar's always like, oh wait, I didn't get invited, I got left out and I said, well, I organized the party, so then I make sure I'm at the party if I run the party. But then you know you have that fear no one will come. And then last week was the first time I've ever charged tickets to come to a party and I was like, well, if no one buys a ticket, we sold out and we had to line around the block. So I'm like, okay, keep going. So next is an event in LA um, at a hotel, and um, it's going to be the most amazing we can. We've got amazing panel of speakers coming. There's going to be yoga, burlesque, cocktail making, beach party, roller skating, venice. It is going to be such a good party.

Polly:

That sounds so fun. Yeah, we're designed, though, aren't we? As you know, it's evolution. As all those years ago, we'd sit around a campfire and we'd share, and it was part of our survival being together. We're designed to survive and thrive and be connected, and the best thing is, we're all different.

Lou:

That's the best thing, and I've even come to and, oh, I've got to tell you when you, when you emailed me and said would you come on the podcast, I was like yes, of course, and you sent me your number. I still had you saved in my phone as Polly, the school governor and I. I talk about being coming a school governor quite a bit because it was one of the best things I think I ever did. I'd never done anything quite that formal before and I sit in the meetings and look around. For those of you who who don't know, a school governing board is made up of many different people, some from the community, politicians, teachers, headmaster and Polly and I asked, you were the parent governor as well. We are voted on by the parents, and so it's a real mixture of people that you would probably never normally sit around the table with.

Lou:

Um, and I'd sit in the meetings going fucking hell, you're so boring, or I, you, oh, I just. But I learned because you have to to listen to opinions that you completely disagree with, but because it was such a formal boardroom kind of setting that I wasn't sort of so used to, I learned to really appreciate other people's people like god damn, I just don't understand how you think like that, but it's also really fascinating that you, like you're so entrenched in what you believe. I find it fascinating because I was so entrenched in the way that I thought and it really helped me learn to appreciate different opinions and be able to value them without necessarily agreeing with them, and it really helped me open up to thinking about things in different ways, and I really put that down to the school governors, which is crazy.

Lou:

Yeah, my goodness, I learned a lot as well, it's really interesting to hear how people think, even if I don't agree with it, because then I can talk about it and you know, if you think like that, maybe open your mind up a little bit to some other possibilities, because you know you don't know what other people are thinking. You get a feel for what your community feels and how they feel about things. So you know, you know what they, what will they, what they'll appreciate or what they'll, what they'll take something from. But it's usually the people who you disagree or fight you. You learn the most from right and it's like the hardest bits in life and the part of life that will move you forward. So that's why you know when you get the menopause, it's called the change, it's an opportunity to change. It's all about in your mind it's your mindset.

Polly:

it's all about mindset and it's all about I kind of think it's kind of an opportunity to really listen to your body, do what it's crying out for and it actually it wants to move, it wants to be nourished, it wants to be looked after, but at the same time, it is it's all about mindset. It is what you make it, and if you're feeling negative about it, then you're going to have a really miserable time. But actually you're a great example that shows us that once you shift your mindset and you do the things which light you up and with you, you can really see that your sense of purpose in terms of empowering others is a such a key driver which keeps you young and keep you vibrant and um well I think now I've, now I've found my path.

Lou:

You know, I approach the vibrator sponsor. You know, would you, would you want to chip in a few quid for some fuel? I've come out with a vibrator deal and a lube deal and I'm like, well, obviously that then gives me confidence. So now I've got a gin sponsor and now I'm making I've gone into luan, lulan, cbd gummies, thanks very much like, and so you know, each thing gives you a little bit of confidence. But it's all step by step by step by step by step.

Lou:

Um, and I think you know the change for women is that it all a period stop, which you know. The change for women is that our periods stop, which you know, for a lot of women is very stressful and upsetting If they've, you know, if they wanted more children, if they have not been able to. You know there's so, so much wrapped up in our periods and all of those sorts of things. When that ends, it can be quite a grieving process for a lot of women. It can be quite a grieving process for a lot of women and and you know you can be you can grieve the loss of your purpose, as it were, if that's.

Lou:

You know, I found motherhood not to be what I had thought it was, um, and didn't enjoy it, which is why Oscar's an only child. Well, I didn't enjoy the first. I didn't enjoy pregnancy in my childbirth in the first year. I have loved motherhood, um, but that first couple of years was incredibly stressful for me. I could no way I could take any of back to postnatal depression, um.

Lou:

But menopause and the end of your period means your life's start to be a little bit more about you again, your body. You can reclaim your body for yourself, which I think is why I love being feel so strong. That strength gives me a mental strength as well, and I'm like you're like, okay, the kids are gone. This is great. We used to have to pay for a baby sister. I've got no period, let's go. And yeah, you know your vagina gets dry. There's lube for that, you know there's. You know it's all about these like parenting, it's like being realistic about what's going to happen and dealing with it, when that's what women do the best. So it's wicked. We're just like right, it can be about us now. Yes, bring it on love it.

Polly:

I totally love it, lou love it. So to finish, this is called the positive perimenopause podcast. I want every body to be able to take away some sort of actionable, practical takeaway to help them have a positive perimenopause and kind of going forward. What would be your top tip for them?

Lou:

I would say move every day, move physically, move yourself every day. Clear your head, try and give yourself five minutes silence I know that probably sounds even if it's just before you go to sleep but or try and do some exercise daily swim in the sea, walk around the block. Make force yourself to move every single day, even when you don't want to, particularly when you don't want to. And while you are doing that, just list. Some days I write a list of all the good things that have happened. So, even if it's, even if it is stupid, things like I don't know, I like the workout. That's an easy one, but it could be. I had a nice message from someone. I screenshot lots of my really nice messages and I put them all in a file.

Lou:

If I'm feeling miserable, I go right, okay, all right okay, okay, I can do this, I can do this, um, and that really helps. Just keep reminding yourself while you're doing your exercise or you're moving your body. Just go over, run through the people you love, run through the the good things that have happened that day. Just make tiny changes, start to appreciate things and then the next time you go for you'll start looking for the things that you appreciate the bird and the tree, or the sun and the sky, or and just give that a minute and appreciate it and just learn to go with the journey of it, even the bad bit. Try and you know, know that that day will pass, or that bad patch will pass and you will come out of it and it will get better. And just keep going. Try not to be afraid.

Polly:

Such good advice, lou, I totally agree with all of that, thank you, thank you. Thank you for your time. I am so appreciative of it. It's been so lovely to chat. If anyone's not following you, they bloody should, so where can they find you, lou? Oh?

Lou:

Lou and Lulan on Instagram and I've got a website you can subscribe to, which, admittedly, I've done absolutely nothing with, but that's about to change because I'm going to start doing my journal for the journey online. We'll be on there. My travel journal will be on the website, um, so yeah, you'll find me somewhere, I'm sure. Thanks for having me on, I'm super excited for your podcast.

Polly:

Good luck with it all thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Well, yeah, I'm doing it too. I'm doing it messy, I'm just getting out of my comfort zone and trying something. Yes, so, so, yes, good girl. So, thank you, lou, it's been brilliant and yeah see you when you're back in the UK.

Lou:

Yeah, won't be long, darling, See you soon.

Polly:

I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did and I listened to it for the second time and maybe you did too. Lou has such a way of making you want to throw caution to the wind and go full Technicolor with your life. I hope something in that conversation lit a little fire in you, whether it's to save a thing or wear the outfit or start a project or just simply stop dimming your own brilliance. If this was your first time hearing Lou, go and follow her at Lou in Lou land, she really is the real deal. And if you listened back and loved it all over again, do share this episode with a friend who perhaps needs a little reminder that midlife really is just the beginning of something really amazing. Thank you so much for listening. I really appreciate it. If you could leave a review, that would be amazing. Or just to rate and subscribe to this podcast really, really helps all of my details from the show notes and I can't wait to speak to you next time. Take lots of care, lots of love. Bye.