Grace Through Acceptance

Have you ever noticed how exhausting it is trying to change the difficult people in your life? What if the key to your peace lies not in their transformation, but in yours?

Grace through acceptance becomes possible when we release our grip on how others should be. In this deeply moving episode, I share my personal breakthrough moment—when I stopped trying to "fix" toxic family members and discovered a profound liberation. This shift wasn't about giving up or tolerating harmful behavior. Rather, it revealed how love transforms when we no longer filter others through our wounded ego.

I walk you through practical techniques that saved my sanity, including the "Seeds Blowing in the Wind" visualization that helps you let toxic words pass by instead of planting them in your mental garden. You'll learn why some difficult people actually anticipate your emotional reactions and how to rise above these dynamics with dignity. The "River and Rock" concept offers a powerful metaphor: you can be the flowing water that moves around obstacles rather than futilely trying to remove them from your path.

My son recently asked how I remain so calm around triggering people. The answer lies in a consciousness shift that anyone can achieve—seeing the soul beneath someone's personality, the wounded child beneath their mask. This episode isn't about spiritual bypassing; it's about finding genuine compassion while maintaining healthy boundaries.

Ready to transform your most challenging relationships? Listen now to discover how acceptance creates the space for true healing—not because others change, but because you do. And be sure to check out the accompanying guided meditation on our website to embody these principles before your next difficult encounter.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Season 4
• 1:29 Grace Through Acceptance
• 9:13 Seeds Blowing in the Wind Technique
• 18:37 The Sculpture and the Stone Metaphor
• 22:24 The River and Rock Concept
• 25:10 Guided Meditation and Closing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to Season 4 of the Undetected Narcissist Podcast. Your host, angela Meyer, is here to bring you clarity if you are stuck in confusion, self-doubt or feel lost, without a sense of direction. This podcast is extremely different because Angela comes from a place of wisdom, compassion and has been able to forgive the unforgivable. She's a mental health professional, trauma-informed human consciousness guide and empowerment strategist. She knows one can't truly heal and recover when one is stuck in hate, anger and fear. One must rise above it, find meaning, understanding, compassion for oneself and the toxic people within our lives. This season is about self-empowerment, self-realizations and transformation. There is always a blog post supporting this information, so please visit undetectednarcissistcom so get ready to learn about yourself, others and find a way to truly live and thrive. Once again, enjoy the show.

Speaker 2: 1:09

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of the Undetected Narcissist. Today I'm talking about grace through acceptance, and this one can be really really hard for some people to grasp. Can be really really hard for some people to grasp. It was for me and I will unpack how I came to this realization that saved my sanity literally saved my sanity and it changed everything for me when I stopped trying to change others. So finding grace or acceptance is a deeply profound and liberating shift. It is one of the most transformative steps in the evolution of consciousness. When someone stops trying to change others, it moves from personal preference and projection into graceful neutrality and soul level acceptance. My son has seen me around toxic people and is amazed at how I handle their behaviors and attempts to hook me into an argument or fight. My son wants to grow and overcome his traumas because it means his heart is already opening. Therefore, this information I share today is designed to be relatable yet elevated, honest yet empowering, something that speaks to those ready to move beyond judgment and into divine compassion.

Speaker 2: 2:49

There is a moment in the journey of awakening when love stops being about agreement, alignment or shared values and starts being about grace, and starts being about grace. This moment is quiet, powerful and life-altering. It comes not with fireworks, but with peace. That moment came when I realized I don't have to change anyone to love them. I realized I don't have to agree with them to respect them, and I don't even have to understand them to hold them in my heart. I used to believe love meant making people better or at least more like me. Based on my professional experience in mental health, I thought that if I could just offer the right insight, express myself clearly enough or show them what I saw, they would shift, and sometimes they did. But more often what I experienced was resistance, conflict and disconnection. I was trying to love conditionally, while calling it, quote helping.

Speaker 2: 4:14

The fundamental shift happened when I began to release my attachments to how others should be their politics, beliefs and personality quirks, the way they process emotion, the way they don't, the things they said that once triggered me, the things they didn't say that once hurt me. And something unexpected happened when I stopped trying to change them, everything changed. It was as if grace itself walked into my chest and said quote you are free and so are they. I started to see people as souls, not just personalities. The more I let go, the more I saw their wounds and wisdom, their masks and their truth. All at once I was no longer offended by what once disturbed me. I was so. I mean the whole thing. It was so eye-opening for me. My eyes were wide open. I found that I could sit with people radically different from me and still feel connected. My whole reality changed. I could hear someone's extreme viewpoint and not recoil, because I wasn't filtering their words through my own ego anymore. That is when I came to the realization that I didn't need to be right. I just needed to stay present. This didn't mean I let go of discernment or boundaries. It meant I let go control.

Speaker 2: 6:15

So how do you start if you're not there yet? If you're, like my son, longing for this kind of peace but unsure of how to access it, here's where you begin. One notice what triggers you. Triggers are like gold mines. They point to where your ego still needs others to behave a certain way for you to feel safe, seen or validated. Two ask what am I trying to control or fix? Be honest with yourself. Often, beneath frustration is a subtle hope that someone will finally get it or be who we need them to be.

Speaker 2: 7:08

Three practice releasing the story Instead of telling yourself quote they're wrong, they should change. End. Quote or quote they are on their path. I don't have to carry their lesson.

Speaker 2: 7:26

Four tune into the soul. Behind the mask, everyone has one, even those who seem hard, loud or lost. Can you feel the child within them, the sacredness, the scared person that's buried beneath the noise? Can you connect to that? And five choose compassion over conversion. You don't need to convert anyone. To your viewpoint, compassion means holding space for them as they are, even if they never change. This is the beginning of real freedom. When we accept others as they are, we stop wasting energy on the impossible task of shaping them. In that release, your heart opens wider than you ever thought possible. That is what unconditional love is all about, and that is why we must learn to master what we were never given or taught to use when we were growing up. This is the love that does not demand. It is the peace that bypasses understanding. This is the grace that changes everything, not because they changed, but because you did Grace through acceptance.

Speaker 2: 9:13

Today I want to talk about something that changed everything for me, not overnight, not with effort, but with surrender, and that something is the radical, so freeing power of acceptance. It is not the kind of acceptance that gives up or tolerates what feels wrong. It is the kind that breathes grace into every relationship, even the hardest ones. You see, there was a time when I believed love meant improvement, and I learned this distorted viewpoint. Growing up, I had horrible role models because I did not grow up in a home with unconditional love. When I stepped out of my wounded ego and into a higher state of consciousness, I discovered that I had the false belief that if I generally cared about my toxic family members, I would try to help them change, I would lead by example and eventually they would follow because I could be there. I could see their blind spots In my heart. I wanted to wake them up, shift their thinking, especially regarding the big stuff, their spiritual path, worldviews and behaviors. I thought that was love, love, but that was love with strings, love with the subtle energy of quote. I'll feel more peaceful when you change.

Speaker 2: 11:09

It wasn't until I let go of that need, that urge to fix or convert, that something miraculous happened. Everything changed, even when they didn't. Suddenly I could be in the presence of someone I used to feel deeply triggered by and feel nothing but compassion, no judgment, no resistance and no need to correct or explain myself. Just space, presence and peace. Because love isn't about agreement, it's about connection, it's about recognizing the soul underneath the personality, the child underneath the mask and the divine beneath the drama. So when people ask me quote how can you be so calm around someone so different from you, or how can you be so calm around someone so different from you, or how can you love someone whose views you don't share, I tell them this I stopped needing them to be different, and that's when real love came in.

Speaker 2: 12:41

Instead of reaching outward, you look inward. Now my friend who's on her own journey asked me recently how do you get to that place? How do you accept people you disagree with or even feel hurt by, without losing yourself? And here's what I told her you start by noticing what you want to change. Instead of reaching outward, you look inward, ask yourself what am I trying to control? What story am I holding onto about how this person should behave? What part of me feels unsafe unless I'm being validated? Unsafe unless I'm being validated? You meet that part of yourself with unconditional love. Then you let go. You let go of needing to be right. You let go the wounded eagle that demands they understand, we let go of needing them to change. And when we do, something, amazing happens. When we can do this for ourselves and the toxic people around us, your heart expands and grace walks in Seeds blowing in the wind. Technique. Therefore, I've created this technique. I taught it to myself and it has been my lifeline.

Speaker 2: 14:27

When I'm around toxic people, before I am in the presence of anyone toxic or full of drama, I make sure that I am grounded. Presence of anyone toxic or full of drama, I make sure that I am grounded, centered and balanced. This is essential because if we are already in a bad funk, we can easily be triggered into a negative reaction and if I am being truly transparent here, some of those toxic people are waiting and anticipating that you will lose your cool and snap. I know this is messed up and childish, but we must remember who and what we are dealing with. This is not about them, but you. When I feel grounded and centered, I imagine a light jacket of protection around me that is snug against my skin. Then I imagine I am surrounded by bright, white or golden light. Enjoy the process and say to yourself Shields up like Batman. Enjoy the process and say to yourself shields up like Batman.

Speaker 2: 15:36

Now, when someone toxic speaks to me or within earshot, I think of their words like seeds blowing in the wind. Some seeds are supportive and nurturing, while others are toxic and damaging to my mental garden. We always have a choice of which seeds we want to grab and water, because this is the truth. When we grab a toxic seed, such as an insult, shame, anger or hatred, we are the only ones who hold it and water it. Nobody else does this for us. Each time we water it with our disappointment, resentment and prideful ego, it grows roots. We can lose sleep over it because our mind will stew and stew Weeds start to form in our mental garden.

Speaker 2: 16:36

Here is the sad truth. Some toxic people can't wait to ruin your day. They will bait you and provoke you until you snap. Then they will flip the script and blame shift, saying that you are the angry toxic person. They will gaslight you into questioning your reality and sense of self. We need to rise above these immature games and egotistical power trips. I know it is twisted and messed up, but be warned Learn to let those toxic seeds float on by.

Speaker 2: 17:18

That is why I say silence is golden. When I hear something insulting towards me or someone I care about, I do not say a word. I do not say a word. I do not need to defend myself. It's not worth my piece of minor energy. Why, even if I tried to defend myself or another person, I'm still being baited into a reaction that is when I walk away. They are not worth it. It is their messed up hateful opinion, not mine. I choose peace because I know I cannot change them. That is why people came up with the saying quote just let that shit go. I love that saying. Let the seeds float on by. We always have a choice. You will thank yourself in the end. Therefore, I want to share a story with you, a little metaphor, as I love to do.

Speaker 2: 18:37

Let's call it the sculpture and the stone. There once was a sculpture who spent her life searching for the perfect stone. She wanted to carve something magnificent, something that would reflect her soul. Yet every time she found a stone, she began to chip away, only to discover cracks, hard spots, imperfections. Frustrated, she discarded it and moved on, thinking to herself this one isn't right, I'll try the next.

Speaker 2: 19:05

Years passed, dozens of stones, dozens of attempts. Then, weary and worn. One day she sat beside the roughest, most unpolished stone she had ever found. It had strange curves, discolored fault lines. It was nothing like she imagined her masterpiece would come from. Yet she was tired of searching. So she sat and waited. She didn't reach for her chisel, she just sat with the stone In the stillness. She listened to it, she let the sun warm it and watched the rain wash over it. Day after day she watched it without trying to change it. Then something curious happened. She began to see beauty and the things she once tried to carve away Before her eyes. She saw the curves. It held wisdom and the cracks held light. The stone, as it was, began to teach her how to love without molding. At that moment she realized the masterpiece wasn't something to create but something to see. She didn't need to change the stone, she needed to change how she saw it the Gray Rock Technique.

Speaker 2: 20:50

So, dear listeners, if you want people to change and if your heart longs to feel peace in relationships full of conflict or difference, start there. You can imagine, just imagine yourself sitting with the stone. You become the gray rock Solid, grounded, secure and full of strength. Let grace teach you how to see and you may find that the very people who once caused you pain become your greatest teachers in love, unconditional love, love without demand, pure love that liberates everyone involved. Gentle love that changes everything without changing anymore. You become the gray rock that is very self-aware and, over time, you learn the art of observing, listening, standing in your truth and allowing the seeds to float on by. There is nothing to defend, because you realize it is petty, childish and meant to cause harm instead of supporting your well-being.

Speaker 2: 22:22

The River and the Rock Concept. There is one last concept I want to share with everyone that might be helpful. The more tools we have in our toolbox, the better, because this mindset did not happen to me overnight. There is another way of looking at life and the people around us. I like to say be the river, let others be the rock. Both belong, therefore. These are deep words and a deep concept.

Speaker 2: 23:03

If you can recall my blog post and podcast episode about forgiving the unforgivable, I spoke about the stream of life. Therefore, you are that river or stream. We cannot dig the rocks or boulders out of your stream of life. The stones and boulders represent our family members and the toxic people we meet along our journey in life. Therefore, we need to learn to float on by, to continue our journey onward, instead of allowing them to stand in our way. When we stop, argue and get stuck in their childish games, it is like we are stuck in the mud. The more we try to defend or change them, the deeper and deeper we get stuck in the mud. That is why we must rise out of the mud and remember that we can float again. Let them be the rock. This person is your teacher of pain. When we stop trying to teach them to change and realize we both belong, grace flows through us. This is when I count my blessings that I am not the rock, but the water that flows easily and gracefully in life.

Speaker 2: 24:39

Since Season 4 of the Undetected Narcissist has been diving deep into various out-of-the-box concepts. Diving deep into various out-of-the-box concepts, I have created a guided meditation to accompany this blog post and podcast on finding grace through acceptance, especially with the metaphor of the river and the rock, a concept that speaks so clearly to the balance of surrender and sovereignty. This guided meditation will invite listeners to embody the grace of the river, the wisdom of water and the art of acceptance. You could listen to this guided meditation before visiting a family member, friend or going to work. This meditation will have soft ambient sounds in the background to enhance you becoming the river that flows with ease and grace. So thank you for being here with me today. Remember you are deeply loved just as you are. We are all perfectly imperfect. Life is our teacher, as is all of us. We are all students and teachers for one another and over time we all can find grace through acceptance. Until next time, stay open, grounded and in grace and love and light. Angela Meyer and Carrie Logan.