The Undetected Narcissist Podcast
Your host, Angela Myer, takes you on a journey toward shifting your perspective from self-doubt, fear, hate, and anger into wisdom, understanding, compassion, and eventually forgiveness, so you can truly heal. Angela wants to support you in discovering and awakening your authentic self.
The Undetected Narcissist Podcast is here to educate, support your recovery, and encourage your empowered transformation following narcissistic abuse. She will shine the light on various topics from attachment styles, trauma, emotional abuse, PTSD, narcissism, toxic relationships, self-care, and dating advice. Angela has a spiritual approach to healing that bypasses religion because it is a relationship one forms with our Creator, not religion. Therefore, she removes the shame that some faiths can focus on when healing from toxic people.
Angela Myer, author of The Undetected Narcissist, has over 20+ years of experience, is an award-winning CCHT, wellness, and narcissistic recovery coach. Angela works with people globally to understand how a narcissist is not born; we create them. If we want to live in a world of peace and cooperation, we need to change the way we parent, treat each other, and stop being trauma ignorant.
The Undetected Narcissist Podcast
Healing Happens in Layers
Have you ever felt you should be "further along" in your healing journey by now? That frustrating sense that despite all your efforts—the books, the therapy, the soul-searching—you're still dealing with the same wounds? This episode offers a profound reframing of what healing truly means and why it unfolds in its own sacred timing.
Healing isn't a straight line from pain to breakthrough. It's a spiral—a sacred spiral that honors the layered nature of trauma and the soul's wisdom. When we align with this truth, everything changes.
Drawing from both spiritual wisdom and trauma-informed approaches, Angela unpacks the six reasons why healing takes time and why that's actually perfect. She explains how trauma stores itself in layers throughout our nervous system, energy body, and even our ancestral lineage. As we gain more safety and capacity, deeper layers become visible—not because we're failing, but because we're ready.
The episode explores how our cultural obsession with timelines and measurable progress creates unnecessary pressure. Your soul isn't concerned with how quickly you heal—it cares about how deeply you embody each lesson. What if you're not behind at all? What if you're exactly where you need to be?
Through moving metaphors like the impatient gardener and the girl who thought she was late to the light, Angela reminds us that healing happens even when it's invisible. The most profound transformations often occur in stillness, in dreams, in the spaces between active work.
Experience a heart-centered activation to help you release the timeline of your mind and honor the pace of your soul. You'll receive a free guided meditation to support your journey whenever that perfectionist part fights against your natural healing rhythm. Stop rushing what needs to ripen—your wholeness is already here, unfolding in divine timing.
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Website: https://www.undetectednarcissist.com
Blog posts: https://undetectednarcissist.com/blog/
Welcome to Season 4 of the Undetected Narcissist Podcast. Your host, angela Meyer, is here to bring you clarity if you are stuck in confusion, self-doubt or feel lost, without a sense of direction. This podcast is extremely different because Angela comes from a place of wisdom, compassion and has been able to forgive the unforgivable. She's a mental health professional, trauma-informed human consciousness guide and empowerment strategist. She knows one can't truly heal and recover when one is stuck in hate, anger and fear. One must rise above it, find meaning, understanding, compassion for oneself and the toxic people within our lives. This season is about self-empowerment, self-realizations and transformation. There is always a blog post supporting this information, so please visit undetectednarcissistcom so get ready to learn about yourself, others and find a way to truly live and thrive. Once again, enjoy the show.
Speaker 2:Hello everyone and welcome back. Just taking a deep breath, because this is going to be another deep dive and I think you guys are noticing that pattern. I dive really deep in this season. So I'm going to be talking about. Healing happens in layers.
Speaker 2:If you've ever thought why isn't this healing working or why am I still dealing with this, you need this information. Have you ever felt like you should be further along by now, like you've read the books, done the work, attended the webinars and in-person classes, but you're still hurting, still looping, still waiting? Then this episode is for you. Let me tell you something I had to learn the hard way Healing isn't something you achieve like a goal. It's something you live through. So let's flip the script on expectations. What if the healing is working not just the way your mind expects, but the way your soul intended? This information is for every human who's ever cried out why is this taking so long? In a world that prioritizes speed over depth, convenience over connection, a quick fix over true healing, we've been wired for immediacy, but the soul oh the soul moves in spirals, seasons and sacred timing. We need to remember how to trust that rhythm again.
Speaker 2:So today I was interviewed on a podcast and the topic of healing arose. People get so fixated on the subject matter and expect instant results. There are too many false beliefs or expectations around this subject matter that I could feel this episode in my bones. What I felt in my bones was the deep wisdom of my soul and remembering why it came here. Therefore, I need to unpack it, because healing is not a one-time event. Before I do, I need to give everyone a warning, not a dire warning, just an expected or unanticipated warning expected or unanticipated warning when we work on releasing the energetic, invisible binds, core roots and childhood memories. I am issuing this warning because yesterday I connected with a lovely woman I had interviewed on my other podcast, master the Upper Rooms of Human Consciousness, and we do trades and read one another. Last week I received a hit for her when I posted the episode how to Forgive the Unforgivable.
Speaker 2:I knew she was in the process of writing her second book on forgiveness and Divine Love told me to send her an email and suggest she check out that episode. There was a missing link in her book. The solution was to discover the why factor. Well, she listened and did the work on two family members. To her surprise, the why factor worked at such a profound level that she fell ill. She forgot about how it can feel when we go through the spiritual detox. Some of the symptoms can be feeling tired as their bodies adjust to the release of negative energy, and others feel energized. In some cases, individuals may experience temporary flu-like symptoms, such as their body releasing toxins. It's wild but true. Headaches can occur as a result of the cleansing process, especially in the initial stages. Some individuals may feel irritable as they process and release negative energies. Some individuals may experience mood swings as they adjust to this new energy flow.
Speaker 2:Some individuals may experience emotional release, such as crying, as negative emotions are purged from the system. A sense of inner peace and mental clarity is often reported as negative thoughts and energies are cleared. The experience of spiritual cleansing can vary from person to person. If you are unsure about the process or experience intense side effects, seek guidance from a spiritual healer or counselor is recommended. Why, although this woman is an expert in the area of forgiveness and her entire business model revolves around forgiveness, we often forget important details about why and how healing happens in layers. Because she fell ill, she removed some deep and heavy crap, so when we forget, most people will consult a doctor. Therefore, she had her blood tested, a scan because she has a history of breast cancer and some other tests. Everything was negative and she was fine. Then, an hour before talking to me for our trade, she got an intuitive hit. It was my fault, she was feeling like crap, so she had a bone to pick with me and she called me quote a brat In a loving way. But yes, she forgot about what it feels like to experience this spiritual detox. I explained to her that she pulled out the roots, the last entanglement, and hold. Remember seeds blowing in the wind when we are a child and a parent is toxic, alcoholic, cold, authoritarian, narcissistic, abusive in any aspect, such as verbal, physical, psychological, spiritual or emotional. We grab onto those seeds and water them. They grow roots and create quote dis-ease within the physical and energetic layers. When I performed just one process with my son and it extracted one of his roots, I was unaware that I had pulled all that energy out of him and into my body. When I left the room I was informed by divine love that I needed to purge now and I did. It was scary and went outside my comfort zone. I know I had this ability because I've pulled heartache out of one person once and my chest ached for days. I know I'm still learning what I'm comfortable with extracting from another person. If you are curious about that experience, I created a bonus material episode a few years ago titled the Empath's Gift Healing Trauma Through Divine Connection. When love removes and heals the deepest wounds, it's as if I'm doing my mommy magic. I decided to be brave and I broke all the rules to heal my son. So let's move on.
Speaker 2:Example of how healing happens in layers. Healing happens in layers just like weight loss. When we hit a plateau. We must be patient and allow the body to adjust to the changes before we can shed more. We all know that diets do not work or give lasting results. That is why a lifestyle change must be implemented or you can gain all the way back and gain a few extra pounds because you got stuck in anger, discouragement, frustration, disappointment and all those hellish thought patterns and negative emotions stuck in 3D consciousness.
Speaker 2:So my intention today is to guide you away from the pressure of instant healing and into the sacred rhythm of soul level transformation. This episode is here to remind us that the soul is not in a rush and the human timeline is not to master. But it's not the master, it's the container. Okay, healing unfolds in divine layers, each one perfectly timed for embodiment and integration. The soul heals in spirals, not straight lines. So I will unpack the six reasons why it takes so long and why it's sacred. Key message Healing is like peeling an onion or descending through the strata of the soul. Each layer reveals a new depth, a new truth and often a new wound, but also greater wholeness. It's the art of layered transformation. So here we go. Six reasons healing can take so long. Number one the illusion of the quick fix Some of you might be like no, yes.
Speaker 2:Many arrive at healing after pain has peaked. They're desperate for relief, which can make the promise of instant results seductive. But emotional, generational and soul level healing takes time, gentleness and ongoing commitment. It reminds me of this metaphor story of the girl who thought she was late to the light. I want to share it now to support everyone today.
Speaker 2:Metaphor story the girl who thought she was late to the light. There once was a soul who took on human form, a girl born under the twilight sky, wrapped in stardust and silence. She came with a mission encoded in her bones to awaken, remember and heal. But as she grew, the world whispered deadlines into her ears, such as you should have healed by now, you're too old to start over, or everyone else is ahead of you. She tried to keep up. She tried to ascend quickly, to be radiant, to prove she was evolving, but the faster she ran, the more lost she felt. Until one night, under the velvet sky, she cried out to the stars I'm too late, aren't I? I missed it. The light, the purpose, the timing. And from deep within the cosmic veil, solaraz spoke You're not late, little one, you are arriving. The stars shimmered as the voice continued. Do you know how long it takes for our light to reach you. Do you know how long it takes for our light to reach you? The beams you see tonight began their journey millions of years ago and yet here you are, receiving them, right on time. Light is never late. You are not late, dear one. You are starlight unfolding, measured not in minutes, but in miracles. The girl fell silent. She looked up at the stars again, this time not with urgency, but with awe. In that moment she could feel it, now that she was, that her becoming wasn't delayed, it was divine. She didn't miss the light, she was the light. That is when she realized that she was still arriving, still glowing, and everything was still perfectly timed.
Speaker 2:We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. Have you ever stopped to think or question what if you aren't behind? What if the light you carry is only just now reaching the parts of you ready to receive it? I am here to tell you that you are not running out of time. Time is unfolding through you. If you've ever whispered to the stars, why is this taking so long? If you've sat in the rubble of your healing wondering am I still broken? This episode is for you. We live in a world that worships instant results and quick fixes. But healing, the real kind, the soul, deep kind healing is anything but instant. It's not a straight line, it's a spiral, a sacred spiral. Today I want to walk with you into the truth of your becoming, because healing isn't about fixing what's broken. It's about remembering what's whole. You're not behind and you're not stuck. In fact, you're right on time in the eyes of your soul.
Speaker 2:So, number two, the layered nature of trauma. Trauma and conditioning doesn't store itself all at once. It's embedded over years, even generations. That is why and how we can carry and store up to seven generations of trauma within our bodies. That is about 200 to 400 years ago. Think about it.
Speaker 2:From 1825 to 1625, people's lives were complicated, so complicated, not easy. Everyone was in survival mode and most people were stuck in 3D human consciousness survival mode and most people were stuck in 3D human consciousness, stuck in fear, greed and suspicious of another person's intentions. The world looked bleak for some. Many were surviving, not thriving in life. Women were seen as property.
Speaker 2:In 1825, societal expectations and legal limitations significantly shaped women's lives, primarily centered around the role of wives, mothers and homemakers. Women were expected to cook, clean, care for children and perform general household chores. Yet in 1625, the mindset was much different. Women were expected to be obedient and subservient to men. That was why, in all those black and white photos, people were not smiling. There was nothing to smile about. I mean. Talk about black and white thinking. Be thankful we do not live in a society like that. Yet some women do, some do enjoy it and others do not. At least we have more options and choices in 2025. And it was even socially acceptable for husbands to abuse their wives well into the 20th century. Physically, the concept of domestic violence is a crime requiring intervention and data collection on a societal scale. Therefore, back then it was not even developed.
Speaker 2:Yet Again, count your blessings. We live in better times. So as we gain more safety, consciousness and capacity, new layers become visible. Not because we're failing, but because we're ready. We live in a world that no longer wants war, but peace. We have advanced so much as a species that we no longer need to operate from 3D consciousness perspective. Not everything is black and white. There are areas of gray. We can't agree to disagree and accept everyone.
Speaker 2:Why healing happens in layers is like peeling the layers of an onion or unfolding a lotus flower, peeling the layers of an onion or unfolding a lotus flower. Even when an archaeologist they must be patient with his brush, he must gently brush each layer by layer. Another way of looking at it is like slow ice thawing, not breaking it with a hammer. You know this truth, my friend. You're not broken because you still feel pain. You're brave because you keep showing up to meet it. Each layer only reveals itself once the last one is integrated. That is why we need to give ourselves grace and patience.
Speaker 2:Healing is not a race. Trauma is stored in both the nervous system and the energy body. Therefore, a slow release keeps us safe. Trauma is stored in layers emotionally, physically, spiritually and ancestral. As we gain more safety and capacity, deeper layers become visible. Healing too much, too fast can overwhelm the nervous system. Therefore, pacing is protection and let's not forget those walls we build to protect ourselves. We want to stop building walls, but doorways right. It reminds me of the image of an iceberg floating in the ocean. We only see the top of it, which is 10% of the size of the entire iceberg iceberg. 90% of what remains below the water is waiting for us to dive a little deeper each time until we finally heal from the traumatic event.
Speaker 2:For example, I was discussing the concept of the iceberg with my son. I said when you first came home, after I lost custody of you for eight months, you were full of rage, sadness and you hated your father. You wanted to kill him and you began to binge eat to stuff down those painful emotions. When you can examine the first layer, it was so frozen, solid and challenging to chip away and let those painful memories melt away. When your body and nervous system adjusted, you were able to look at those painful memories with new eyes and a different perspective. It was less intense, but the fire and rage and hate was still there inside of you. It took time, as if each time you faced the iceberg you chipped away that top layer, allowing the water to adjust and pull the remaining iceberg up to the water's surface, ready whenever you are to excavate more. Right now you are in a place where you have compassion, forgiveness, wisdom, understanding and still love for your Father rather than hate. It has taken us years to get here, but I am so proud of you for not giving up on yourself and life. You will be a great inspiration to the world once you have entirely healed yourself at such a young age. Then he said this you are correct. I prayed for God to turn me into a flower so I could grow, and he gave me rain. Wow, I sat in awe of my 17-year-old son. I could have not said it better.
Speaker 2:Healing the inner child and fragmented parts. When I have done inner child work or parts therapy with clients, there are times when those wounded parts of them are on the fence. We can have several wounded, fragmented parts of ourself stuck in protection mode since we were still in diapers. They do not know that we are adults and, just like our walls, they are still working in the background of our subconscious mind. It has taken some clients 10, 20, 30 times to finally integrate all those wounded parts into their main personality. When those parts are finally healed and integrated, the person feels fantastic. They view the world through a different lens. Life is no longer bleak, hopeless or scary, longer bleak, hopeless or scary.
Speaker 2:So number three healing is a spiral, not a straight line. I know this is not what people want to hear, but you can return to the same wound years later, but at a deeper level of awareness. What looks like quote regression is actually a spiral staircase. Each descent is a deeper integration. Remember the iceberg you may return to the same wound more than once, but you're not the same person each time you meet it, and this is a good thing. There is no shame in revisiting old wounds. I always tell my clients that you have healed when you revisit that wound and there are no more tears, regrets, sadness or grief. That is your proof. Therefore, revisiting old wounds is not revisiting an old pain set in failure. It is a deeper integration. For example, grief, abandonment and betrayal all have many emotional threads and timelines.
Speaker 2:It reminds me of another metaphor story and I promise this will be the last one the story of the impatient gardener. There once was a gardener who longed for a beautiful garden, lush with color, filled with life and fragrance and peace. One day she finally planted the seeds seeds of forgiveness, love and healing. At first the gardener was full of hope. She watered the soil with intention, sat in the sun and visualized the blooms. But after a few days she grew restless. She returned to the garden and said why aren't you growing? So she dug into the soil trying to see the roots. But the roots were shy and tender, still finding their way in the dark. A few more days passed, still no sign of growth. So the gardener pulled the soil apart, trying to hurry the process with her hands, thinking maybe I did it wrong, maybe I need to fix it or force it. But the more she interfered, the more it disrupted the sacred, unseen work that only time could nurture.
Speaker 2:Eventually, exhausted, the gardener dropped to her knees and wept. I just want to see the flowers. She softly whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks and the earth, gentle and ancient, finally spoke. Beloved flowers are not proof that the seed is working. The roots are. What you cannot see is still becoming. Your only job is to trust the dark and let life do what life knows how to do. So the gardener surrendered. She stopped digging and started listening. She began to love the soil as it was and one morning, when she had nearly forgotten to look, tiny green shoots broke through the earth, carrying the promise that everything had been working all along. So this metaphor is a gentle reminder to all of us Healing is happening, even if you can't see it yet. Don't dig up what you planted in faith just because the bloom takes time. Okay, it's got to take time. So, therefore, the spiral journey revisits the same theme at deeper levels.
Speaker 2:What looks like a setback is usually a soul check-in. Are you ready to hold this wound with more love? That might be what exactly your soul is asking you. Can you hold this wound with more love? So stop thinking that you are spinning your wheels, getting nowhere. Stop thinking that you are spinning your wheels getting nowhere. You're not going in circles, you're spiraling upward. It reminds me of this quote, and I do not know who said it. But here we go. I used to think I was back where I started, until I realized I was meeting the same wound with a wiser heart. Another way to think of this concept is a spiral staircase, or a snake shedding its skin, or even the moon cycles.
Speaker 2:Linear healing, the myth most of us were sold. Linear healing says if I do this once, it should be over. If I've forgiven them, I shouldn't feel anger again. If I've already done therapy, why is this still coming up? Healing should be a straight line from pain Break through peace. This is why linear thinking is the product of the ego and cultural conditioning. It loves checklists, timelines and completion. It seeks control. It's terrified of repetition because it confuses repetition with failure. But the soul doesn't work this way, neither does nature grief or love.
Speaker 2:Spiral healing is the soul's pattern of evolution. Spiral healing understands that you return to the same wound more than once, but with new eyes, a softer heart and deeper. Each time a wound resurfaces, it's not repeating, it's revealing a new layer ready for integration. The spiral doesn't loop back in shame, it spirals upward in wisdom. Visualize this You're walking up a staircase in a lighthouse. One may pass the same window repeatedly, but you're on a higher floor. Each time you see more of the landscape. In fact you are rising, even if the scenery looks familiar.
Speaker 2:Number four the soul's journey inside a human body. Now, some people might think this is woo-woo stuff, but I hope this information will dispel all that. Your soul came here knowing the human experience would feel slow, could be and would be messy, in fact even emotional. But it also knew this is where the most profound healing can happen. Healing isn't just for the human, it's for the soul's evolution. The soul uses human time frames to integrate ancient pain, karmic cycles and soul contracts. The body is the soul's mirror and container. So healing must work through both.
Speaker 2:Your soul didn't come here to bypass pain, it came to alchemize it into wisdom. It came to alchemize it into wisdom. The body is slow on purpose because it's a container for the infinite. The soul chooses to heal through density because density brings death. The soul does not rush, it waits until the heart is soft enough to receive what the mind cannot yet comprehend. Remember in the blog post and episode Grace Through Acceptance, about the river. Just imagine right now a large river flowing through a narrow canyon, steady, powerful and shaped by time. We are all shaped by time and its journey.
Speaker 2:Number five the soul has no deadline. I want to remove and release the urgency, pressure and shame, surrounded by healing timeline. The mind loves goals. The soul lives in seasons. Divine timing is not punishment, it's orchestration. Comparison is the ego's way of trying to control a soul level process.
Speaker 2:Let's reframe this limiting belief or concept. You're not behind, you're becoming A metaphor, for looking at it is to imagine seeds underground. We set conditions for the seeds to bloom and we know we cannot do this when the weather outside displays a different reality. I mean, let's be honest, you don't plant seeds in the winter. Just because you can't see growth doesn't mean it isn't happening. And let's think about the moon cycles. The moon never hurries through her phases. Each one is sacred, complete and right on time. And let's talk about galactic time. Stars take millions of years to form, but no one doubts their beauty.
Speaker 2:The human obsession is with time. We, as humans, are taught from birth to remember life by time. How fast can you walk, talk, walk, talk, succeed. By what age should you marry, heal, have children and find your purpose? If you're still struggling at 30, 40, 50, there must be something wrong with you. Those are just all horrible, horrible. I have to pause. This conditioning creates internal pressure, a haunting sense that we're late, behind, failing. But that pressure isn't coming from the soul. It's coming from the ego, the mind and the inherited belief systems of a time-obsessed world. That is why the illusion of being late or behind causes so much unnecessary pain and grief. It's like automatically setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment.
Speaker 2:The truth is there is no universal timeline for healing. There is no universal timeline for healing, love, purpose or awakening. Your journey is yours alone. You're not behind, you are becoming. Even the detours are part of the design. When you stop comparing your journey to others, you remember who you truly are. I invite you to say this out loud I am not late, I am on soul time. There is no rush where love is involved. The fruit ripens when it's ready, and so do I.
Speaker 2:My soul doesn't measure success. It remembers wholeness, feel. That that's truth. The soul is timeless by nature. The soul doesn't count days. It measures experience by growth, love, resonance and remembrance. The soul says what's the rush? You are eternal. It's not about how fast you heal, it's about how deeply you embody. Even if it takes lifetimes, that's okay, I'm here for all of it. Can you sense or feel the wisdom, love, patience and compassion your soul has for you? Struggling is this human container. This human container.
Speaker 2:When we slow down to the rhythm of the soul, we enter divine timing, where things unfold not by force but by readiness, frequency and grace. Think of a caterpillar. The caterpillar is never late to become the butterfly. You've never seen a flower scold itself for blooming late or a caterpillar panic, because it's not a butterfly yet. That panic only exists in the human mind. The soul trusts the process, because the soul is the process. Why this healing matters is when you believe you're behind you rush what needs to ripen. You judge others for grieving too long. We feel ashamed for needing more time, rest, space and support. But when we trust. There's no deadline. We soften, we listen to our bodies instead of bullying it. We let ourselves unfold instead of trying to achieve healing like a trophy Number six, a loving reframe. What if it's already working? Since this is the last topic, I want to anchor in hope, trust and the unseen process and progress some listeners are already making.
Speaker 2:Healing always doesn't look like peace. It sometimes looks like rage, grief, fatigue. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. Let's give you an example. I thought I had released entirely a specific trauma memory, which I removed from my blog post because I didn't want to make this episode so long. Yet, when I was making the bed with my husband, I broke down in tears. What hurt me the most was the intentional act of cruelty and contempt towards me. Hurt people, hurt people, even kind and caring people like me, why they get a sick satisfaction of making another person suffer. So my tears were a gentle reminder that I still have another layer to work on within myself. Maybe that is why I felt this topic deep inside my bones, calling me back home to free my soul. Therefore, what we feel is proof we're alive, open and becoming.
Speaker 2:The shift often happens silently, in dreams, stillness and in breath. Your soul whispers softly. You are healing every time you choose softness over shame, stillness over urgency, presence over performance. If your healing is an instant, it doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It means your soul is doing it right. Remember this truth. You are healing, even if it's invisible, the unseen healing that happens in rest, grief, joy and in integration.
Speaker 2:So I wanted to do a Closing Heart Center activation. I know this is a deep concept and I do go deep. There is a part of me that likes to be transparent, raw and real, and that is why I touch on subjects people don't talk about and need to talk about. Therefore, before you move on, I want to activate this truth within your heart and soul. Place your hand over your heart, close your eyes, if you can, and whisper to yourself like you are speaking to the most ancient part of you.
Speaker 2:I honor the pace of my soul In my own way. I release the timeline of my mind. I trust the spiral. I am in, even if it looks like I'm circling back. I am rising, for I am remembering and I am healing the layers of light and I am already whole. Yes, I trust the spiral and I honor the layers. I am whole, breathe that in, let it land. Let your soul know you are listening now and that is more than enough. Since this is such a deep and troubling subject matter that many of us struggle with, I want to give everyone a gift. Yep, I have created a guided meditation called I Trust the Spiral, a soul meditation for divine timing and deep healing. Listen as often as you like and when you feel it calling to you, because that perfectionist, that perfectionist part of you is fighting against your healing journey. So until next time, and love and light. Kerry logan, angela meyer, bye.