Men Who Were Taught Not to Feel: Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Suppression

The weight of unexpressed emotion is crushing an entire generation of men. Growing up, they were handed an unwritten rulebook - don't cry, don't show weakness, handle everything alone. This emotional suppression wasn't a choice but a survival strategy taught from father to son, generation after generation.

In this transformative episode, Angela Meyer delivers a powerful message to men who've been taught that strength means feeling nothing. Through the metaphor of a stone wall versus a flowing river, she illustrates how true resilience comes not from shutting emotions out, but from allowing life to move through you without losing yourself.

The conditioning starts early - those whispered "be a man" commands that plant seeds of emotional disconnection. Angela compassionately unpacks this generational messaging while making a crucial distinction between healthy stoicism (emotional resilience, perspective in adversity) and its unhealthy counterpart (complete emotional suppression). Men aren't failing when they feel deeply - they're reclaiming what was always rightfully theirs.

For those ready to break free, Angela offers a practical seven-step process to identify and process emotions, particularly fear. She guides listeners through naming feelings, sitting with them without judgment, separating emotions from behaviors, and finding the lessons each feeling offers. This isn't just theory - it's a roadmap for transformation.

The episode culminates with an emotional freedom checklist: daily awareness practices, safe expression opportunities, inner child healing, body connection exercises, finding brotherhood, and nurturing soul connection. These aren't quick fixes but doorways to a more authentic masculinity.

Whether you're a man struggling to understand why connection feels so difficult, someone who loves a man trapped behind emotional walls, or anyone interested in healing generational patterns, this episode offers both compassion and concrete steps forward. Because as Angela reminds us - the wall may keep you safe, but the river keeps you alive.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Undetected Narcissist Podcast
• 1:09 The Stone Wall and the River Story
• 5:10 Letter to Men Taught Not to Feel
• 10:17 The Generational Conditioning of Men
• 16:32 Healthy vs. Unhealthy Stoicism
• 21:22 Seven Steps to Process Emotions
• 28:38 Breaking the Cycle and Finding Authenticity
• 33:01 Emotional Freedom Checklist and Conclusion

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to Season 4 of the Undetected Narcissist Podcast. Your host, angela Meyer, is here to bring you clarity if you are stuck in confusion, self-doubt or feel lost, without a sense of direction. This podcast is extremely different because Angela comes from a place of wisdom, compassion and has been able to forgive the unforgivable. She's a mental health professional, trauma-informed human consciousness guide and empowerment strategist. She knows one can't truly heal and recover when one is stuck in hate, anger and fear. One must rise above it, find meaning, understanding, compassion for oneself and the toxic people within our lives. This season is about self-empowerment, self-realizations and transformation. There is always a blog post supporting this information, so please visit undetectednarcissistcom so get ready to learn about yourself, others and find a way to truly live and thrive. Once again, enjoy the show.

Speaker 2: 1:09

Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode. Today we are going to be talking about men who are taught not to feel. Have you ever been told be strong, don't cry, toughen up. Maybe you were six years old, maybe 16, and perhaps you listened. Maybe you built that wall inside you, brick by brick, until nothing could get in. It's what you were taught was manhood, and maybe it worked for a while. But here's the thing Walls don't just keep storms out, they keep life out too. Which leads me to tell you a story, okay, the story of the stone wall and the river.

Speaker 2: 1:57

There once was a man who lived in a valley where fierce storms often rolled through. From a young age he was told if you want to survive here, you must be like the stone wall unshakable, unmoved. So he built himself high walls with heavy granite, sealed out the wind, the rain and even the sight of the sky. At first it worked. The storms couldn't touch him. He stood firm, admired for his stoicism. People said now there's a strong man. But over the years something unexpected happened Inside those walls the air grew stale, flowers would not grow, birds no longer visit, and while the storms outside still raged, he realized he had also walled himself off from the sun, the warm breezes and the sound of laughter.

Speaker 2: 2:57

One day, while repairing a crack in his wall, he noticed a river running through the valley. It was gentle in places, fierce in others, yet always moving, always alive. It carved canyons through rock without shattering, and when the storms came it swelled, roared and spilled over, only to return to its calm flow again. The man watched and thought the river feels everything, yet it endures. It changes, yet it remains. Slowly, he began to take down pieces of his wall, not all at once, just enough to let the wind in the flowers, in the sound of the river, in. At first he feared the storms would destroy him, but he discovered something astonishing. The storms passed and so did the pain. The river taught him that strength wasn't about never feeling. It was about letting life move through you without losing yourself. In time he became both wall and river, steady when needed, flowing when possible, and for the first time in his life he felt truly alive.

Speaker 2: 4:17

So to the men that are listening now, brother, your strength isn't in how well you can shut the world out. It is in how deeply you can let life in and still stand in your truth. The wall will keep you safe, but the river will keep you alive. You were meant to be both, and this is where we need to talk about stoicism, not the meme version and not the hollywood version. The real, the real version, the part that built you, the part that can quietly destroy you if misunderstood, because for too long, men have been taught to take only half of stoicism the wall and to forget the river entirely.

Speaker 2: 5:10

Today, I want to talk to the men who are taught not to feel so they can better understand themselves, as well as the people within their lives who care about them. I aim to create a bridge for men who've been taught to armor up emotionally their whole lives, showing them not only why this happens, but also how to lay down their armor and meet their true selves. Therefore, I intend to approach this podcast episode with structure, compassion and clarity, so that I can speak directly to their hearts and their logic, which is key for breaking through the conditioning. First, I want to read a letter to the man who was taught not to feel, to set the foundation.

Speaker 2: 5:58

Hello, I see you. Not the version of you that learned to smile while bleeding, nor the mask you wear so well, not the toughness, the silence or the jokes that keep the pain at bay. I see you, the boy who never got to cry, the teen who was told to man up, the man who carries it all in silence Because that's what you were taught Strength looks like. Don't cry, don't ask for help, don't be weak, don't feel too much. But you do feel. You always did.

Speaker 2: 6:39

And those feelings didn't die. They just got buried under responsibility, shame and survival. But buried doesn't mean gone, it just means unseen. And now you're exhausted, you're angry and you don't know why. A part of you loves, but you don't know how to express it or put it into words. You can be hurting so deeply, but you don't know how to show it or put your pain into words. To survive another day, you numb out because feeling it all feels like too much. But listen closely. You are not weak for feeling. You are wounded for being told not to.

Speaker 2: 7:26

You were never supposed to carry it all alone. This was a false belief passed down from generation to generation. The sense of oneness, community and teamwork got lost in translation. You were never meant to fight your battles in silence. In fact, you were never made to be a machine or robot, not to sound sappy, but you were born tender, curious, open, and none of that made you less of a man. If you are a parent, you know you were born this way.

Speaker 2: 8:06

When you gaze into the eyes of your beloved son, somewhere along the line, the world can fuse masculinity with disconnection, but this is truth. A man who feels is a man who's alive. A man who cries is a man who cares. A man who seeks healing is a man who leads. You don't have to carry the old stories anymore. As a collective whole, humanity seeks connection to survive, and the disconnected ways of thinking, acting and behaving are no longer serving humanity. Disconnected ways of thinking, acting and behaving are no longer serving humanity, but causing only more harm, separation and destruction. You don't have to perform strength when your heart is aching, so put your sword down.

Speaker 2: 8:58

Now is the time to honor your soul without any human obligations or requirements. Therefore, you don't have to repeat the unhealthy generational patterns of men who were never shown how to honor their authentic selves and heal. You are allowed to feel without fixing. Break without failing, speak without fear. Break without failing Speak without fear. Heal without shame. The world needs your heart more than your armor, your partner, your children, your friends. They don't want a shell of you. They want you, not the invisible man, the authentic one. So take the risk, let someone in, allow the decades of tear to come, let the truth rise, because the real you, the feeling open, evolving you, is not too much. He is just right From someone who believes the healed masculine is the key to the healed world.

Speaker 2: 10:17

Now let's be open and honest here. Being a man is not easy, and being a woman is not easy either. We have different rules, expectations, hormones, ways of thinking, processing and outlooks on life. As a child, a boy is conditioned and groomed at an early age to become a man, aiming to achieve something that the family can be proud, boast about to family members and colleagues. I'm not here to blame your parents and grandparents. They were also groomed and conditioned at such an early age. Think of it as a seed being planted within your mind that grows roots and soon becomes a belief, setting the foundation for your future as a man. Some of you were sent to military school, while others were beaten into submission as their cries and tears were ignored. Others were required to follow the footsteps of their father and grandfather as a rite of passage into more greed, lust, power and backward ways of thinking. Therefore, I must acknowledge this silent epidemic Generations of men conditioned to suppress their emotions to survive. You no longer live in the Wild West and this new earth is calling us home to remember that we can live in a world with more harmony, peace, cooperation and equality for all. The only battle we must face now is the battle within.

Speaker 2: 11:53

This is about freeing you by giving you the tools to explore the box you were handed at birth and told never to open it, because inside the box is your joy, tears, creativity and tenderness. So this is for the men who have been carrying the weight of that unopened box. It's a metaphor story. When you were born, someone handed you a box. They didn't tell you what was inside, they just told you don't open it. As you grew, the box got heavier. At first you asked questions why can't I open it? But the answer came sharp and short and they all started with because. Because real men don't need what's in there. Because real men's feelings make you weak, because the world will eat you alive if I show you what's inside. The list of because became the recycle and repeat phrase to shut up and comply. This is what my father did and my grandfather did, and now you do the same. This is how we survive.

Speaker 2: 13:11

So you carried the box. You brought it into school, into your first love, into your job, into your marriage. You carried it through victories and losses, through nights alone when no one saw you, and you learned to pretend it wasn't there. But here's the truth. They never told you. Inside the box are your tears and laughter, your joy and your fears, your tenderness, your creativity, your soul's true voice, creativity, your soul's true voice. Inside that box is you. And here's another truth it was never locked. You can open it any time you choose.

Speaker 2: 13:59

So let's explore and unpack how the conditioning happened, the cost of emotional disconnection, breaking the cycle and discovering your authentic self. Part one how the conditioning happened a gentle unraveling of the roots. All men receive the same generational message and I'm so happy to report that this trend is slowly dying. Men are saying no more why. It is only causing more pain and suffering. Someone must break the cycle of abuse. Yes, abuse, because being sent to military school, a strict, religious, private school, or even being verbally, emotionally, physically or mentally broken into submission can cause a young toddler, child or teenager to experience trauma, trauma, abuse and bullying do create narcissistic people.

Speaker 2: 14:59

So let's explore the generational message, parental and cultural modeling and the unspoken fear. Generational messaging we have all heard the saying be a man. Sorry, that was a little funny, but what does that mean? From man to man? It means being strong, not crying, not showing weakness. This was the historical survival mindset and we are seeing it in action today with wars, labor and societal roles that reward emotional numbness. Number two parental and cultural modeling. Fathers, uncles, religious figures and coaches are modeling emotional shutdown. The media portrays Stoicism as the only manly trait. Number three unspoken fear, vulnerability, seen as unsafe, fear of ridicule, rejection, losing status. Before we move on to part two, let's explore while Stoicism is no longer supporting humanity as we transition from the 3D framework to the 4D and 5D mindset.

Speaker 2: 16:17

Stoicism has a fascinating dual nature that makes it both a tool for resilience and, when misapplied, a seed for emotional shutdown. Let's unpack it the healthy side of stoicism. When understood and applied as intended, stoicism can deeply be empowering, especially for a man navigating a culture that often equates vulnerability with weakness. So, number one emotional resilience. It teaches that while we can't control what happens to us, we can control our response. This helps men avoid being tossed around by life's storm. Number two perspective in adversity, it encourages zooming out to see the bigger picture. Pain, hardship and loss are reframed as opportunities for growth. The key word is reframe, to shift your perspective out of fear and into a deeper understanding of the big picture. Three values-driven living it focuses on virtue, integrity and wisdom over chasing, fleeting pleasures or public approval. And lastly, number four, calm under pressure. It promotes a steady, measured presence in crises, useful in leadership, parenting and dangerous situations. So here's an example in healthy practice, a man feels the grief of losing a loved one but uses the stoic principles to process it, slowly, allowing space for tears while choosing not to let despair define him.

Speaker 2: 18:13

Now the unhealthy side of Stoicism. Modern cultural interpretations, especially in male-dominant spaces, often twist Stoicism into an unhealthy emotional armor. Here's the why and how. One emotional suppression, not regulation. Men are conditioned to be strong and don't feel, leading to bottled up emotions. Over time, this can create emotional numbness, depression and explosive anger.

Speaker 2: 18:48

2. Toxic Masculinity Reinforcement. The media often equates masculineness with cold detachment, like the silent, broody hero archetype. Vulnerability is cast as weakness, pushing men further from healthy intimacy. 3. Cutting off empathy In the name of self-protection. Some men stop emphasizing with others' emotions, which harms and destroys healthy friendships and intimate relationships. 4. Self-isolation it creates a I can handle this alone mindset which prevents seeking help or building deeper connections with a friend, family member or intimate partner.

Speaker 2: 19:38

Here's an example, an unhealthy practice. A man is devastated after losing his job, but tells himself real men don't cry. He shuts down, refuses to talk to loved ones and quietly spirals into hopelessness. Some men might start day drinking to drown their emotions, get addicted to porn or social media as a form of distraction or have unexplained bursts of anger or hostility distraction or have unexplained bursts of anger or hostility. Others could even pretend that he's going to work because he's too afraid or full of shame to tell his family or partner that he lost his job. Why this matters for men today is the core problem isn't stoicism itself, it's the misinterpretation and the cultural hijacking of the philosophy. Healthy stoicism encourages emotional depth and control.

Speaker 2: 20:39

Unhealthy stoicism creates emotional shutdown and relational disconnection and relational disconnection. The cost of emotional disconnection will impact and create relationship strain with your partners, friends, feeling unseen, unheard and unvalidated. It has physical health tolls. Suppressed emotions increase inflammation and heart disease risk. Then there's mental health depression, anxiety and addictive behaviors as a coping mechanism. And then, lastly, spiritual disconnection, losing the inner compass, feeling hollow even when successful. So how to reclaim the healthy side? So how to reclaim the healthy side. So here is an invitation to feel fully and respond wisely. Here is a practical step that both men and women can apply, and I will use fear as an example.

Speaker 2: 21:40

Step one name the emotion first. What are you feeling? If you cannot name the feeling, use the chart I created for 3D human consciousness, for example. If you are truly feeling fear, it would align with the behaviors and patterns of feeling restless, irritability, withdrawal, nervousness, guarded, hypervigilant, suspicious anxiety, worry, wart, wishy-washy, fear of failure, second-guessing yourself often, mind stewing over the past usually, and inability to trust anyone. All these negative emotions, thought patterns and behaviors align with a fear-based mindset. But don't worry, you are in good hands and we can fix this.

Speaker 2: 22:28

Step two regulate. Sit with that emotion and feel it. Please don't run from it, ignore it, sugarcoat it or stuff it down. Sit with it as if you were sitting down to chill or relax with a friend. This fear emotion has surfaced for a reason and should not be ignored. So think of it as an opportunity to go within and discover something new. Step three separate feelings from behaviors.

Speaker 2: 22:58

Acknowledging the feeling of fear doesn't mean acting cowardly. It is being genuine and honest with yourself. We now know the truth, and this fear has been trying forever to get your attention. See that you have the strength to face your fears. Step four self-exploration. What is the fear trying to teach you? Why is the fear currently present within your life? How could you look at the fear from a higher perspective? Why is the fear currently present within your life? How could you look at the fear from a higher perspective? What is the lesson within the fear? Is the fear being created by external situations? If not, then the fear can stem from internal self-doubt or lack of self-worth, doubt or lack of self-worth. Step five find the tools within the 4D framework. When you can pinpoint the fear, dive a little deeper.

Speaker 2: 23:53

Fear is an illusion of the mind and is here to teach us something. Think of the negative emotion as a teacher. It could be trying to teach you how to set healthy boundaries. Speak your truth from an open heart instead of a wounded ego. Perhaps its aim is to help you develop a healthy sense of self and self-esteem. The fear might be here to push you outside your comfort zone and try something new which could dramatically improve the quality of your life.

Speaker 2: 24:23

So here are a few examples around the subject of fear. Perhaps you worry that you're not good enough for your partner because they're complaining that you are not giving them enough attention in the bedroom. You're at a new phase in your life and you're tired of performing and wearing a mask in the bedroom. Your soul and heart long for intimacy and a deeper connection instead of a superficial one. So having deep conversations, holding hands, snuggling and bonding hold more meaning and purpose for you. Can and will this person listen without projecting their insecurities upon you, because this is not about you but them. Perhaps you fear losing someone you care deeply about or are in love with, but they don't reciprocate your feelings. The fear could be present to encourage you to love yourself more and let this person go, because it is only causing pain and heartache. Perhaps you could become friends instead of trying to force the person to change their mind and love you back. Step out of the human experience and into the soul.

Speaker 2: 25:37

Lesson Next one Maybe you got crushed and destroyed by someone narcissistic or a toxic person and to open up your heart again is scary. The fear can prevent you from forming a healthy connection with another person. Therefore, this fear may be trying to teach you to learn to listen to your intuition and gut, rather than the part of you that fears being alone. Perhaps this fear is trying to encourage you to take the relationship slow, becoming friends first before diving into a committed relationship, and if this person refuses to honor that request, they may not be the right person for you at this time. Next one Perhaps you fear that you won't get the job you desire and that fear is trying to teach you to believe in yourself, to be courageous and give it a shot, to stop listening to the negative chatter in your head and connect with your heart. What steps could you take to nail this job? Learning more about the company, their mission statement, products, work, ethics or achievements. Think outside the box and make yourself stand out from the crowd.

Speaker 2: 26:50

Next one what if you made an error in judgment and fear that you effed everything up? Maybe that fear is telling you to step back and learn from your mistakes. And how could you correct them? This takes courage If you can't fix it. What action steps could you take to smooth the waters and reduce the pressure of the fear of failure, and remember nobody is perfect. So stop beating yourself up and show yourself some grace and compassion. And then the last one the fear might want you to have more self-belief, but the self-doubt is holding you back. And if you are a people pleaser, maybe the fear is teaching you that you matter just as much as everyone else and you are not a doormat. Your time, energy, opinion, money and feelings matter just as much as the person you want to. Please Try to find the diamond within the rubble of fear.

Speaker 2: 27:53

Step six allow trusted space. If this is too much for you to handle on your own, please talk to someone you trust. You can explore working with a therapist or speak to a close friend who will listen to you without fear of shame or judgment. And step seven challenging media role models. Ooh, the garbage and you heard me, the trash we see on TV. Social media, in magazines and in advertisements promote only one dimensional, strong man. All the garbage we are sold might make you more appealing on the outside, but the work we are doing here is about inner beauty, substance and strength. Commit to stop feeding yourself garbage that only leads you to compare yourself to an AI-generated model, or by products that falsely advertise to boost your self-esteem. Remember less is more. You are enough. Here are some more ideas to break the cycle. It's a step-by-step, practical and safe entry point.

Speaker 2: 29:07

1. Awareness first. Journal one sentence a day about how you actually feel. Recognize when you're defaulting to I'm fine, pause. Go deeper. 2. Challenge the comfort zone box. Try one act of emotional expression each week. Tell someone you appreciate them. Cry during a movie without holding it in saying I'm scared, without shame. Three healing the inner boy, inner child work. Speak to yourself as you would to a young son or nephew. When you get mad, don't beat yourself up or tell yourself to suck it up and be a man. Show yourself the same compassion and support to a young man who is struggling to find his place in this chaotic world of being a man.

Speaker 2: 30:06

4. Body-based emotional release. Mindful practices such as breath work, somatic techniques and martial arts can help reconnect your feelings and body. Plus, it's a healthy way to release excess stress and built-up anger. And number five community and support. You can explore men's groups, therapy, a safe friendship where emotions are welcomed. Now tips and tools for discovering authentic self slash soul connection. Now these go a little deeper, noticing the patterns that block your authentic self and which moments allow you freedom. In a journal or with a trusted friend, describe and become self-aware of the shift from wearing a mask and performing manhood to living in truth. When did this shift happen? How did it happen? Why did you finally make that courageous choice? Can you do this with everyone or just a few people? And if so, why?

Speaker 2: 31:17

Spiritual practices Spiritual practices are the key to everyone's mental health and well-being. You can meditate, spend time in nature, appreciating the gifts earth offers everyone, practice being grateful for the things you discover and reflect in solitude. Next one, recognizing your intuition and your heart as your guidance system. Learn to trust your gut and listen to its advice. Learn to discern between the voice of the wounded ego that is stuck in the 3D framework and the heart slash soul that exists within the 4D and 5D framework. Which one is running your life, which one opens the door for more joy and which one slams the door shut? Discernment is key. And lastly, the liberation in realizing strength is not the absence of feeling. It is the courage to feel.

Speaker 2: 32:24

Therefore, I have a call of action for you, bros, or, as my son would say, bruh. I invite you, dudes, to take one small step this week and open the box a little. You are worth the change and your place of power is now not in the past or in the future. Now, if you need more support, write this affirmation down you are not broken. Support, write this affirmation down. You are not broken. You were taught to hide. Now you choose to be seen. So here are the first steps to emotional freedom checklist. And yes, I want to provide you with more tools and tips because I want you to thrive, not just exist. Emotional freedom checklist thrive, not just exist. Emotional freedom checklist Awareness Once a day, write one honest sentence about how you feel.

Speaker 2: 33:18

Notice when you say I'm fine, pause, go deeper. Next, one safe expression Tell someone you appreciate them. Allow yourself to cry when you feel emotional. If the tears want to be released, don't hide them. Inner boy healing Speak to yourself as you would to a beloved child. Body connection Try breath work, mindful martial arts or walking in nature without your phone.

Speaker 2: 33:51

Brotherhood and support. Join or form a men's group. Work with a therapist or a coach who understands male conditioning. And last one soul connection Ask your heart one question every day what do you need from me today? Spend five minutes a day in silence. Now are you wondering if I made a free guided meditation for you dudes? The answer is yes, and in a way, I made it for everyone, because this process will give everyone the strength they need to weather the storms of life and still be flexible and mindful. What you men are doing is no easy task. You are reprogramming yourself of years of generational trauma, and this takes courage. I believe in you, so thank you for listening and being open to try something new that can and will transform your life and love and light. Angela Meyer, carrie Logan Bye.