ADHD AF Glimmers of 2024

TRIGGER WARNING! This episode doesn't start on a happy note, but I promise it ends on one! See full TW below*

This episode was recorded/put together on Xmas Eve-eve, but I bottled it as I couldn't face sharing until now.  In a time that I want to spread joy, I've felt anything but joyful due to some truly awful news this month. HOWEVER, despite it all there are so many glimmers of 2024 to reflect upon and feel incredibly grateful for!
 
Thank you ALL so much for all of your support this absolute f***er of a year!  You have helped to fill it with so many glimmers and I hope this episode fills your day with glimmers too!

TW* mentions of family member critical illness, hospitalisation, brain aneurysm, potential cancer diagnosis, grief, being child-free not by choice, depression, anxiety, self loathing, self worth and self care struggles as a result of ADHD. There's also some questionable audio in the first couple of minutes and the usual loud cackling and 'too much-ness'

If you are in need of support YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There is immediate help out there so please REACH OUT
If you are struggling to access your ADHD medication, use this: Pharmacy Stock Checker

You can support the continuation of this podcast and connect with literally like-minded legends in the Patreon Peer Support Community
Thank you to the Members for keeping this podcast going for over 2.5 years!

You can listen to ALL of the legends featured on this episode in their own interviews in Season 3 starting HERE and I'm so grateful to each and every one of them! x

Find out about ADHDAF+ Charity HERE
You can apply to be part of ADHDAF Emporium: an online marketplace championing neurodivergent makers and small creative businesses HERE
Browse the first few handmade items by neurodivergent creatives HERE
To be notified of future ADHDAF re(TREATS) like The Holistic(ish) Weekender SIGN UP HERE

You can JOIN and/or SPONSOR the ADHDAF Winter Warriors in our fundraiser to combat SAD with movement HERE.
All donations and Team Members greatly appreciated, as all funds raised go towards getting ADHDAF+ Charity up and running to connect and empower ADHD adults of marginalised genders.

SENDING ALL THE GLIMMERS & GRATITUDE!
BIG love
Laura x

Transcript

 So I'm whispering this first bit because it is 6 a. m. on Sunday the 29th of December because of course I'm up this early into Xmas  and I'm staying at a family member's house who I'm trying not to wake up and I have a pair of tights over my phone with the hope that they help with my sleep.  So that I don't drive you all insane with my over enunciation and whistly teeth.

So, this isn't the usual kind of episode at all. This is kind of a best bits,  but it's not at all. You see, I actually recorded this on the 23rd of December. This intro, that is.  And, um, I just completely bottled it and lost the nerve to share the episode until now.  I think in part because I was just so traumatised by everything that's been going on this Christmas that I  couldn't even process it. 

And unfortunately, we had more bad news on actual Christmas Day, so Christmas 24 can get in the effing bin. And if you've had all the bad luck and hard times this Christmas, I'm Sending you loads of love because me and big and our family sure as hell have and that's why the best bits that you're gonna hear Are the glimmers?

They're the joy because we really need some joy this Christmas  So if you've not already listened to this Season 3. Do go and have a listen to the actual episodes because the clips that I share aren't necessarily indicative of the really important insights and information about ADHD that are shared by the legends that have shared their experiences on ADHD AF.

They are My favorite bits, and I hope you really, really enjoy them. We're about to be visited by a ghost of Christmas past. Laura, Christmas past on the 23rd of December. I'll shut up now. Bye!  So, I'm recording this on Christmas Eve, Eve. There's two more sleeps till Christmas. And, um, it's quite ironic that I've been trying to make people happier this winter,  Uh, and last.

And I'm about to say the saddest thing ever. No, actually, okay, not ever, but very, very sad news indeed. But I'm going to do so for good reason. So please have a read of the description before listening on to avoid hearing a very triggering topic. I promise that once I've said the awful bit, I will move on to lots of joy.

And this will be a happy episode. Which I've made, to be honest, for me as much as anyone else, because, um, it's really distressing to have ended season three on such a high, about to skip off into the baleric sunset, and having worked on  So hard on this very challenging year to end it on this really sad note.

Let me rip the plaster off and say the bad thing and disassociate hard so I don't cry, um, and just get it done so we can move on to the nice stuff. So whilst I was gallivanting about the country, helping Sarah Templeton at her ADHD liberty charity auction, which was incredible. Thank you, Sarah. And then onto Milton Keynes for session session.

Our editor, Pat's, uh, ADHD adult support group. Um, whilst I was on the road, I got the news that my mum was rushed to hospital in an ambulance, suffering a suspected stroke,  was actually an aneurysm caused by a brain tumour. Which thankfully she has survived.  She spent several days in critical care and a total of 12 days in hospital altogether.

 Unfortunately, at this point, They still don't know what kind of tumor it is, and we're hoping that after a course of steroids, they'll be able to decipher in another scan next month and start treatment. 

Because obviously they can't treat it if they don't know what they're treating. The irony It's not lost on me that having dedicated two and a half years of my life to discussing the brain, that this should happen. The reason why I've chosen to share this awful news is because through the things I've shared on this podcast,  my lived experiences and sharing My pain and discoveries, people have told me the difference that it's made to their lives.

And some have even told me that it has saved their life. And for that reason, I therefore feel a responsibility to share this really painful insight in the hope that it might help someone like my mum and possibly even save a life.  These last couple of years, I had noticed some changes in my mum's personality and I'm not going to go into one, but I just want anyone listening to please be mindful of your loved ones. 

If somebody you know very well reacts in ways that feel unfamiliar, please don't write it off as old and or. Don't, uh, RSD, thinking  that the person isn't interested in what you have to say anymore or is disappointed in your life choices. It's so easy for us ADHDers, again, I can only ever speak for myself, but I speak to a lot of people in the community who also have ADHD.

And a lot of us are very quick to take things personally, think we've done something wrong.  And though I couldn't identify signs of dementia, There were moments when I just wrote it off as old age. It genuinely never crossed my mind for a second that my poor mum had a tumour growing inside her head.  I must admit that I feel truly devastated. 

Um, obviously,  but on top of the obvious devastation, I am also devastated by the hypocrisy of me on this platform from day dot saying the likes of, if somebody is behaving in a way that doesn't make sense, then don't judge. Look a bit deeper. They may have a brain condition.  That's pretty much a direct quote that I've said multiple times, and I just wish that I had taken my own advice. 

But,  much like with ADHD, you don't know until you know,  and that is why I raise ADHD awareness. And also why I want to raise awareness about this, because hopefully somebody hearing this might not take something out of character to heart or write somebody off as just getting old. Hopefully we will all look a little deeper and get loved ones the help that they need. 

Having learned my lesson here now  about being a hypocrite.  I didn't want to repeat the hypocrisy in the past, particularly at earlier, at the start of this year, I've not practiced what I've preached and then into the community, I felt a responsibility and a need to protect people from my roller coaster of extreme emotions.

And that hasn't panned out well this year at all. So now in this very dark time, I have lent in. And I've been held and I'm so incredibly grateful to the community. I mean, every day, anyway, for all of their support, but particularly these last few weeks,  it's been like we stepped out of Aberdeen and stepped into hell really.

To the volunteers that have helped keep things running whilst I've lost time, lost myself completely at points, I can't say thank you enough. So please lean in and, and just know that that's in no way an advertisement for the ADHD AF online peer support community. Though of course, the more the bloody merrier.

We'd love to have you.  But if it's not the right fit for you, then find what is and lean the hell in. We need each other and having people around you who just get it and understand that your reactions to things might be a bit left of field, shall we say? To just be held and safe, to feel and be supported is what everyone needs.

Now the irony is also not lost on me that it's important to me to try and make people happier at this time of year, which I know full well can be a really challenging time for many ADHDers. So last Christmas, that's, that's what that was about, was bringing the community together at a time that so many of us find challenging.

And this winter, because I wasn't able to go on tour because I was moving to Ibiza, I started the Winter Warriors Challenge to combat SAD with movement.  And here I am sharing such miserable news. So now let's put down the sadness and focus on some joy. Because even in this really dark time, there is joy.

Like I said, my mum is out of, well, she's alive and she's out of hospital. And although we don't have the news yet, and it's the worst waiting mode that there has ever been. I'm focusing on the joy because at this point in time, there is still hope.  So at what has been a really challenging year, as I said, to end it like this is not okay.

So here's some glimmers. Firstly, the Winter Warriors team have raised over 60 percent of our target and that money will go to get. The charity up and running. If once Christmas is out of the way and you need some accountability and encouragement to get moving for your mental health in deepest, darkest January and February, you can join our team at any point and, or you can sponsor us via the link in the show notes.

Now, obviously the charity. is one of many enormous challenges I've fought hard to see to fruition this year. Another was even releasing Season 3. The person who finally got the ball rolling was Kim Pierpoint, one of the first members of the ADHD AF online peer support community, and she's become team member, treasured, chosen family.

This chinwag was a new format of episode.  And it came at, well, what was my lowest ebb, so I thought,  I was self sabotaging, I couldn't look after myself, and couldn't get season three out. Some of the episodes, at this point, it was recorded in April, I'd held onto for three and a half months. So, I'm going to share a few funny moments from this much loved episode, the one that kicked off season three by giving me the permission to take the pressure off, calling it, not Season three.

And when I released the episode, I set the hosting platform to season three. So once I hit upload, I'd overcome the block and season three was launched. We are not our emotions. We just get really hooked in to these long, heavy emotions that come with life, ADHD, perimenopause, post whatever. And we get really stuck in those emotions.

And sometimes it's like, I need to do something to realize I'm not those emotions. Yeah, exactly that. And that's why I was like, do you know what I could just say to Kim? Well, I'm saying it to you now. Like, I'm just, I'm just really bogged down at the moment. And it's so ridiculous. I think it's a really You know, I'm not saying it to get the tiny violins out.

I know I've got a lot of good in my life. The strings are broken, so you can't have them. I can't fucking find it.  You know, if you think about it in terms of like, sorry, God knows where the fuck this is going. I don't know how long you've got. That's fine.  I'm good. I'm good till about, I've got to get my nails done at four, so we're good until then.

Great, okay, I'll try and wrap it up by then. But it's like, there are so many different schools of thought, right? I was speaking to somebody yesterday and they were like, perhaps you're afraid of success or, you know, you'd have people that would be like, mantras or, you know, there's all these different things.

And now that I can see it through the ADHD lens, I'm like,  Now I can see it that way. I can make sense of it. It's such a tricksy little fucker, you know, because it's like, I went, I was doing all right. I have this one workout that I do. I just get up and I fucking do it. And I know that I have to do it straight away because if I don't, my brain will find a thousand reasons not to do it.

I am with you. So that first thing in the morning bash, cause I'm a, I'm a morning. I'm a morning. What am I like? I don't know what they are. What are they? Here we go. Morning owl.  Morning owl. I don't know. A confused pheasant. Up with the birds. I don't know. Down with the birds. We're definitely  down, definitely down with the birds.

Down with the birds. You know, I use my phone for lots of stuff. If I don't use my phone, I don't remember stuff. I don't know where I am. Probably don't even know who I am, but it wasn't going off all the time. I don't even know what the fuck they thought. I've still got an alarm on my phone that says, take the stuffing out.

That's over from Christmas. And that goes off at three o'clock every day. Take the stuffing out. And I'm like, let's turn that off or change the name of it. So  and then it's gone. Well, the good news is that Kim's alarm will finally be accurate nine months later. Go on, Kim, get the stuffing out!  So, Kim and I are currently in the process of planning the next holistic ish weekend retreat, so if you're interested to join the next Handfest, you can sign up via the link in the blurb of this episode.

Next up is the wonderful Lucy of Lucy and Yak. Well, do you know what? I think it's my community that's helped me realise I've, got it, almost, because Because, uh, like, the brands attracted a lot of neurodiverse people and I'm like, why? Why is that? And then people in the business are like, why do you think?

Because there's a lot of people in, in my business that, you know, I've got autism or ADHD. And when I started speaking about it a little bit more to people internally, they were all like, Yeah, yeah, we've always thought that, Lucy. But like, obviously, they were like, it's not our place to diagnose you, but we've always, we've always thought that. 

I think neurodiverse people attract neurodiverse people, because that's when I first started finding out. I'm like, why are all my friends neurodiverse and I'm not? And they're like, why don't you like me? And I think, I think we draw on to each other because we, you know, um. Probably feel like we don't fit in in society.

So you kept trying to find each other in similar.  Magical misfit. Here's some very joyful and actually festive moments, kind of from comedian and legend Susie Ruffell. People go, Oh, you know, it's this newfangled thing. And you go, No way. Like my nan was like a hundred miles an hour  always. Like she was sort of quite bombastic in how she dressed.

She was  my nanny ruffle my dad's mom. Like, yeah, she was always a hundred miles an hour, but there was like 14 grandkids would all go there at the same time. It was chaotic and she was totally at peace in the chaos. Also, like the thing that I've read about some people with ADHD, which is certainly me, but the clumsiness, my God, me and my cousins are so fucking clumsy.

Like honestly, we'll break something. Don't invite us to your house.  We've all got long limbs. We can't quite control them. So frequently when my mom used to pick me up from a play date when I was a kid, I'd be like, I broke a thing. I'm sorry. Yeah. We're all a hundred miles an hour. I love it. I love the long limbs.

I just thought of myself like gangly arms.  It's like Mr. Tickle's family have got together. Like, and there's loads of us.  I think that it's something that's like innate in you. So all you can do is kind of go.  Oh, well, this is the deal. This is it. It's the same. Like, you know, I've really struggled for a long time coming out and then once I was sort of like, oh, this is just who I am.

I have to kind of get on board with it because this is it. This is the lot. This is who I am. And then it was like a journey of, you know, being, you know, More accepting of myself and being kinder to myself around my sexuality. Some people might assume that you, you know, you come out and the next day you're proud.

No, for me, it was like 10 years of working out how to be really okay with that. And I think it's the same for anything that makes you feel different to your peers.  But I think the acceptance of like, well, this has always been, this is who I am. There's potentially people that, you know, are in my family or, you know, definitely people within the wider community, that it was the same for them too.

They just might have not had the language. I've spent the last few days in my head on a loop. I've been singing to myself, Susie Ruff is neurodiverse. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That was a very silly TikTok video that my friend and I made. That's one of my friends, Will, who comes on tour with me. I have a couple of different friends that I put with me on the road.

And we would sing that because I'd be like, Oh, I've still got the key to the hotel that we were in two days ago. Or like, Oh, well, I can't find my worry doll, which isn't something I carry around. It was like a prop for the show. And whenever we would do that, we would both go Susie Ruff is neuro diva.  It became like this one running thing.

And then I was like, should we like film this? Because it's really silly. I love it so much. Honestly, it will be on a leaf in my head forever more.  This next clip is when I was so touched and a little bit weirded out by the fact that Tanya Bardsley had just paid me a compliment that I totally forgot what I was talking about and made a tit out of myself.

And she loved it. And then just the most brilliant impulsive work from Tanya. Go on, Han. I do really think like the work that you all do with these podcasts and things is really, really important for people. Thank you. It's, it's really, I just felt that justice sensitivity is through the roof with me and I was just like, I don't know what I can do, but I can bloody talk.

So let's, let's talk. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what people need. Yeah. Yeah. You've mentioned impulsivity. Would you say now? So, sorry, hang on, let me backtrack one second. So you've gone sober and you have, you still got some, uh,  Sorry, antidepressants. You're so ADHD, I love it. I'm  going to pull this in as well, there's no shame.

We're taking away the shame of Simpsons. So, the most ADHD  thing that I've done this week is my impulsiveness. I fucking slid into the Prime Minister's DMs.  Did you? Yeah, and I sent him a big long rant.  Oh, that's amazing. Yeah. It means  business. Yeah. And, uh, mom was like, Oh God. I know. So I'm just heading to the prime minister's DM.

No folks given.  No thought process. Right. Richie.  Deserves it. I want to speak to the manager. Abso fucking lutely. And speaking of sliding into people's DMs impulsively, I did exactly that with Tat and Spiller, Mr. Simple Politics, just before the surprise  general election, because you've got to say it like that, even to Tat and Spiller, apparently.

And he went for it and totally humoured all of my nonsense at the busiest time, the thing that him and his team have been working tirelessly towards, whilst I'm talking nonsense in a hotel room, having just seen Girls Aloud. I will always be so grateful to Tatton for this and just what a quote, what an outlook and yeah, I was really moved by what you said.

Because politics is about hope and love  and making the, making the world a better place for everybody. That's what politics is, right? What can we change right now? What can we change to make life better for more people? And all the election chat. It's not framed like this. You can watch this seven way debate where people are shouting at each other and it's all misery, but  politics is about making lives better. 

And we should talk about it in those terms. And that's what SP tries to do. Yeah. I think that's so interesting. Like you're absolutely right. I always think about it in terms of so many people say, well, I'm not into politics. I'm not political. And I'm always, I've just got the skunk Nancy tune in my head on a loop.

Like everything is political. It is. Everything is political. It is about making life better with what we've got right now. How can we improve things? And I think really, it's so interesting because we don't. Realize how much we just get drip fed. The ideas that we have, a lot of the time, if you actually said to somebody, do you really think that?

And where did you get that idea from? A lot of the time, people don't even know how or why they've formed the opinions that they have. And so it's like to be able to break it down in really simple terms. You just be like, okay, here you go. You know, everyone's entitled to opinion, but at least be informed.

Like this, this is what's going on. Here you go. Now you have the facts. It's, I love that about it. And you can make your own mind up. Exactly, exactly that. I love it. I absolutely love it. OK, so, right now General Election's coming up. Surprise!  These next couple of clips are from Toomey, who is the Black Dyspraxic and absolute This is probably the longest interview.

Oh no, that's not true. The longest interview ever was Kat Brown, who's coming up shortly. But me and Toomey had so many chinwags, it was ridiculous. I literally could talk to that man all day. I'm so grateful to you for coming on because I've said many times on this podcast that I am self diagnosed dyspraxic.

And I've said it a lot. I only know the bare bones and actually I just want to know more about it and let the listeners know more about it. So thank you so much for doing that for us. You're very welcome. Thank you so much for having me. Not at all. Not at all. I know, I know you are a big fan. Your podcast is one of the big  podcasts in the NB community.

So I really, really like, I know you've got, you've recently had a tour and everything and it just looked incredible online. So the fact that I can be part of it, it's just really, I'm really grateful. So thank you. Oh, thank you so much. Honestly, I'm so grateful. I think I always used to, I would like to say is that we're a family, you know, when we need to be, and this is why I love the fact that I'm on the, on the podcast right now, because you're showing that actually, if we want to be inclusive and we want to include intersexuality, yes, there's gender and yes, there's race. 

If we're never divergent, you need to be neuro inclusive as well. Yeah. So speak about all of them.  Yeah, absolutely.  As someone who has dyspraxia, sometimes I struggle with sleep. So for example, I avoid coffee. I don't, I just don't drink it. Why? Because coffee is just, no, it's a no go. I drink Coke now and again.

My wife doesn't even want me to drink Coke.  I know, just to clarify, I mean Coke as in Coca Cola. Yes. I  love this clip from CJ DeBara. So often people will come to me and say that the thing that they love the most about the podcast is the validation they get from the relatability from saying, Oh my God, you too.

And for me to have this kind of conversation with CJ where they're experiencing something that I'm experiencing in having this platform, it really meant a lot and it makes me laugh. I go around, and you do as well, we both go around talking about ADHD a lot, and yet we still  have the downsides to it, you know, because  we, it's just part and parcel of the human experience, and also like,  I mean, I get, I get mad when people go, you know, Oh, it's a superpower and woo.

Oh, don't start.  God, just let me have my shit times, please. Just let me fucking sit in my bed of misery and wallow for a day while I recharge because I've run myself into the ground being ADHD  and hyper and all the rest of it. Just let me have that, please.  Yeah, do you know it's so funny though because I think that all the experience that I've had again I have to admit that everything I know is goes through a really shitty RSD lens.

So how true this is I'm not I'm not the best at deciding whether this is true or just how I feel about it, but quite often it feels as though  People are surprised when I have ADHD, as in not, as in not people that don't know, I mean people that do. So like, if I fuck up some admin, or if I forget something, or if I am just a complete wreck, which I sometimes am, I sometimes can't slow my thoughts down at all, and I'll be like,  Or I'll start crying, or any of those things that are, uh, how ADHD presents in me.

Sometimes people are taken aback, or a bit kind of judgmental, and it's like, I don't just fucking talk about it, like, it literally is what it says on the tin, like, I really am. ADHD AF. And I think it's such a funny thing in this space that suddenly it looks like I've won ADHD. I stand at the top with a flag, like, you know, it's, it's weird, isn't it?

I get, I, oh my God, I a hundred percent get it because I find that like, you know,  There are people that say, Oh yeah, you know, I'm fine with ADHD. I'm fine. I know you have ADHD. That's fine. Yeah, you're fine with it when you see me masking, you know, asking like a motherfucker and I'm, I'm getting my bills paid.

My invoice is done. My paperwork's out, you know, I'm,  but then when I'm having a meltdown or a shutdown, that's when you're judging me as an ADHD person. That's when you're going, Ooh, yeah. Ooh, no God.  Mm mm. Not like that. No,  and you, other people have got to learn to cope with us when we're at our best and when we're at our worst.

Yeah. Because it can't be this thing of like, you know, Oh, they've got ADHD and we're fine with that. Um, except for when you're doing all of the things that are just, except if they cry. Yeah. Or speak too loudly or won't sit still.  As long as they don't do those things, that's fine. Yeah. Just be the type of ADHD where like you're super productive, like to the point of ridiculous and like you're making loads of money for the company because you're getting all the shit done.

Be that ADHD. And that much of a people pleaser that you're bending backwards so far over everyone that you're just fawning. Just like, what can I do for anybody? What do you need? That's I had to share this clip from Alex Partridge because it just really made me giggle. It perfectly demonstrates how the novelty of things can wear off and the ridiculous situations we can get ourselves into, particularly without the knowledge of ADHD and how it can present in each of us as individuals.

I walked past a car showroom selling minis and it had a blue mini convertible in the window. I fell in love with it. I want that car. Didn't have any money. How can I get that car? I went to Debenhams, bought a store card, credit card, which I needed to get the thousand pounds from to buy the mini on finance agreements.

I needed a thousand pound deposit. Did it, they let me drive away with it, but I then realized I had to pay 350 a month to pay for the car. So I then got a job at a nightclub and a hotel and a pub simultaneously. So I was driving from three jobs. I didn't even get time to enjoy the car. And then by the time I, like six weeks later, I stopped loving the car because my interest in it had disappeared.

But I was still working three jobs to pay for it. So I sold it about a year later. And that was when I was 18. No idea what I was dealing with with my brain, but that was like my first major financial cock up.  That is a great story!  That's  so good. I mean, at least you had the car to get from A to B if you wanted a job.

Now, if there was ever the most perfect example of self fulfil Well, is it self fulfilling prophecy? I don't even know. But just being who you are inherently. In your soul from day dot, it is Libby of Topol Byrne. Do you know what I did remember? I was thinking how I was when I was younger. about the justice sensitivity thing.

And I remembered that I think I was about seven and I started the national society for the prevention of cruelty to snails. And I made like these books and I kind of tried to get everyone in my primary school class to join and I made badges and stuff because like the snails in the garden were like dying from the weed killer or something.

And I just hated that. And I was like, I'm going to start a charity or whatever to get everyone to join. She just made my day.  I really love this clip from Cat Brown. Basically, I'm obsessed with Cat Brown. I feel so incredibly lucky and grateful to have met Cat. This little clip perfectly demonstrates what I'm trying to do here.

It's like finding the light in the darkness. So, in a conversation which had turned to a very sad topic about not being able to conceive, she managed to make the most perfect joke that had me roaring with laughter. I'm God love you Kat, and God love Sybil. But what you've described there, and what you've done, you and all of the amazing people who help make ADHD AF something multi platform and wonderful and helpful and warm, it's not a baby replacement any more than my dog and cats are baby replacements, oh my god, just not, not even in the same league at all.

Uh, for starters, toddlers could not win fourth place in the prettiest bitch category at Tutankhamen Fondant Che as  Sybil did on Sunday. Shout out to Sybil. In the last episode in which James Brown interviewed me, we talked about how brilliant the question was of your, a song that best describes your ADHD.

So now I've, I found out who it was. I can finally give the credit where credit's due. That question came from community legend, Lauren. So thank you, Lauren, for that question and thank you, my ride or die, the one and only Nicole Nadler, for what is my favourite answer to this question ever. And in particular, because I've actually seen Nicole sing this song. 

So what song best describes your ADHD?  I would say  One Day More from Les Miserables.  It's like 15 characters singing it once. All with different storylines.  So that already tells you all you need to know. Also, it's a book.  Everybody loves it. I don't think everybody loves my ADHD book. Actually, no. I think people do sometimes.

Because they look at me and think I'm a caricature of a person and they have a good time with it.  So, I'll take what I can get. Oh, That's my favorite.  That's my favorite one yet. That is my favorite one yet. I don't know what I thought. I had no, I didn't think, and I was like, when you said it, I was like, I, I don't, I don't, I do know. 

It's very accurate. Nicole Nadler, you are still like this. You're an absolute legend. Congratulations on doing your show and break a leg and I can't wait to come and see it. It's going to be amazing. Anybody going to Edinburgh Fringe, you have to go and see it. Last year's was amazing. I know this year is going to be even better. 

So this is the only other chinwag that I actually managed to get out this year. is with the wonderful Catherine Millen of Be What You See. I just think it is the maddest thing for serendipity to have been such a focus throughout this whole safari.  The fact that I was literally thinking about the same thing as Catherine when she was talking and just how she sees the world.

and everything. I just honestly, this just gives me all the feels. So thank you, Catherine. It has been really helpful for me. And I think definitely astrology when times have been hard, you know, bloody hell, there's none of us that went through the pandemic and got out of that scot free like it was awful for everybody. 

You know, in difficult times, I really leant on it for hope, like definitely, you know, there's more coming. Because I think we can sometimes be like that, can't we? Like, how things are is how they've always been and how they're always going to be. And you can feel so penned in. It's like, oh no, this is all going.

We'll be somewhere else. in time, it all passes and moves. I don't know. I don't, I don't really see any harm in it. I think it's quite hopeful. Definitely. Yeah. I think hope is the, and it's really interesting that you use that word because when we were working with the young people last week, me and the other trainer were like, the one word to describe this week is hope.

Cause I think they gave us hope in that the next generation. of young people that are going to become the politicians that are going to become the change mean, change makers. But for  me, having ADHD and this complete lifestyle change that I've gone through, I think hope is the one thing that I always try and fall back on because I know things are only going to get better. 

And I think about all the life experiences that I have. I always say to people, do the film Slumdog Millionaire. Yes! You know what, I was literally going to say to you about Slumdog Millionaire. It's like that. I'm like, that film stole my kind of storyline of my life. Do you know what I mean? But  it's that thing of all of those experiences that you have.

They do shape and mould you into what you're meant to be. You know, my life could have been very different in terms of all the different identities that I hold and my background. And I could have been that person, you know, who potentially could have ended up in prison and it was possible. Do you know what I mean?

Now I'm just kind of like, how can I take what's happened? and use it as something that can enable me to go forward instead of backwards. And I do have a quite positive outlook on this. Um, no matter what my client says, what's happened or whatever, I could be like, right, let's do this.  Let's do this to get to where we want to be.

It's took a lot of therapy. You know, it's took a lot of amazing support and from family and friends. But,  you know, and meeting people like yourself.  But coming out of it at the end, am I happy? Yes. Could life be better?  100%. But I just feel a lot more in control now, which gives me hope in what I'm going to do with my future.

Ah!  Difference you're making to other people's futures. You're amazing.  I lived in Ibiza for quite a long time and this is something you hear in Ibiza quite a lot. Is your, you're, you're living your dharma? Do you know that expression? Yeah. Yeah, you are like, you are not just living authentically, but you are like living your whole purpose and everything.

And it's like shining out of you like a care bear when they shine the light out of them. That's what you're like.  So this next one is from Adelaide Saywell, I actually changed the artwork for Adelaide and called it all DHDAF. And in this Adelaide shares the exact sentiment of understanding that you're not alone.

And yeah, And that really is just the most important message of all, really. So thank you Adelaide. To anyone listening, to know that there's nothing wrong with them. You're not broken, you're not damaged, you're not a random odd weird person from a different planet. You just function differently and that's okay.

Like you're allowed to accommodate yourself and you will find your people who will love and respect you for who you are and you won't need to mask and change anything about yourself for the right people. Because yeah, now I'm sucking in through the eyeballs.  In this little clip, it's something that has been talked about a lot in the past, not just on my podcast, but within the ADHD space about whether you would give it up if you could.

And I really love Katie Webber's answer. It's funny because last week it was two years of ADHD AF, which makes this the longest job I've ever had.  And it's, and it's like, yay! Oh no, actually, that's really sad.  It's like, completely depends how you look at it. It's like, yeah, I've never been able to hold down anything either. 

But you know, it's a rich tapestry of life, isn't it? All the different experiences. Well, and I think also one of the parts that I see maturing in myself was seeing how I'm making it interesting by changing little things, right? So it's like, there's the foundation that is still there, but in order for it to last, it's not about just throwing in the towel and starting fresh, it's really about like, okay, what are some little changes I can make that are going to Light me up and make me more interested, but not just throw the baby out with the bathwater.

And that's where I feel like I've had a lot of growth in terms of, you know, realizing that it's not all or nothing, which  is that's ADHD textbook, right? It's like, Oh, I don't feel like doing it. So I'm just going to let the entire, like, I always burn it down. Right? Yeah. I was just having a conversation recently with somebody about, you know, where she was very young.

She was, you know, in my grad school. And so she's in her twenties and she was like, if I could get rid of ADHD, I absolutely would. Like, it's really, it's a serious disorder and I don't like it. And I'm like, it is a serious disorder. It is. quite debilitating, but I wouldn't know who would be left if I got rid of my ADHD because it's so all, it's so pervasive.

It's, it's, it defines me in every relationship and everything I do for the minute I wake up to the minute I go to sleep or don't go to sleep. So it's up to the case. Right. So it's like, I wouldn't, what would be left? There'd be like a shell of you know, just be like clothes on the floor. Like I don't even know who I would be without it.

How can you possibly wish it away? What would I be? I don't know. It's so funny. Cause like, so we were talking before and I politely said, cause it's the morning with you. I said, Oh, what? Uh, did you have a good night's sleep? Because that's what people ask each other. I don't even know why I said that because I don't give a shit about sleep at all.

As in, I don't have any. So when people ask me that, I always lie anyway. I'm like, yeah, great. Because I've got nothing to tell you, but you were just like, well, no. And I was like, yeah, me neither. I don't really know why I asked that. I've been up since four.  And speaking of Katie's. I was going to say it's my favorite one in the world, but that's not true.

I've got another favorite Katie, Katie Doy. Shout out to the Doy Zone. Both of those Katie's are two of my very best friends. This Katie, Katie Smith in Sydney, Australia is literally the person who made me realize that I even have ADHD. So it was a really special interview. I'm so glad I got to do it, particularly in person now that we live on opposite ends of the world again.

But now I've like, yeah, got to a place and enriching my body with like nutritious. It's food that I know that I'm going to love and it's taking me time to prepare. It's something that I really love, um, doing and.  I've turned into the person I hate. I really have. I really, really have, but I love it.  Give me a crystal.

Get me an astrology reading. I'm all about that life. And then get me to Ibiza. And then that's  me going to church, baby.  Next up is Priyanka Patel, Little Miss ADHD. In this episode, she shared some insights on the medication shortages, which unbelievably. are still ongoing and we had some good ranting about things that had gone on in the past but I just wanted to share this moment because it's a really good hack actually.

Are you actually tracking your cycle? Because I say I'm going to do it and I never do it. I do it, I do it, I actually do it. I've also realized with myself right.  And this is what people need to know is, as soon as we tell ourselves or tell someone else I'm going to do it,  Don't.  Like, you are lying to yourself and you know you are lying to yourself and you know you are lying to other people and your brain knows that you are lying to yourself.

Like, your brain is just sitting there like, Wake up, yeah, okay, right, that's all. The moment you think that you have to do something, just don't. Do it. I'm telling you right now. And it really does, this is where, where I'm saying like, awareness is so important. Because  if, if you're like in the middle of driving and you're suddenly like, Oh I've got to text that person, right?

You're not gonna go pick up your phone and then text them, right? Obviously be sensible and think about where you are at the time. But if you're just chilling there watching TV and you think, Oh, I was meant to put the washing on.  Go do it. And the reason I'm telling you to do it there and then, A, you're going to forget, 100 percent you're going to forget, but B, it's because your brain takes five seconds to talk you out of something.

Five seconds. And those five seconds are crucial because once you go past that, that's when our brain is like, Oh, I've got to go get the clothes. Oh, I've got to find the laundry tablets. I've got to put it in. I've got to split it up. Oh, I've got to put the clothes up. Like,  Those five seconds will stop you from from doing that because you are just you just go just do it, right?

Now now now. Yes, exactly Despite the fact that the period of time in which I met Sarah Templeton in the flesh Will always be the most traumatic week of probably my life. I hope  It really was so wonderful to meet Sarah Templeton. I'm in absolute awe of this lady. Go on, Sarah. So, all the pilots that we're running, there hasn't been one where we've gone, oh, that's interesting, no ADHD.

No.  Every single pilot that we're running it's been, whoa. You know, and, and the figure that is constant and, and consistent right the way through is 85%.  It's, it's either like the youth charity one was 90. So the two probation ones we've got going on, they're both coming in at just over 85%. So it's roughly 85 percent of people in the addiction, the homeless and the offending world  and the prisons and  the young offender institutes and the juvenile prisons.

It's roughly 85 percent of them, which is why this one in four figure has driven me literally insane over the years. I've known it's so wrong, but we've not been able to prove it. Now we're proving it with all these incredibly legit organizations, you know, provisions, polices, um, as I say, young offenders, career services, crisis, the big issue, all of those sorts of people.

And it's interesting because I think it was crisis when I spoke to them, they said they have a research and development department and they've been looking for this. They said, we've known there's a reason we've known there's a commonality with these people. We've just not been able to put our finger on what, but we had the research and development people come to the meeting and they're like, this is it.

This is it. This is what we've known, you know, that we've known there's something that they've all got, but we didn't know what. And because a lot of these people like you, like me were completely ignorant of what ADHD really is until you're diagnosed with yourself and you do tons and tons of research because they just thought it was naughty kids, hyperactive kids and distracted kids. 

Anything they knew you'd grow out of it. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So that you're absolutely right. Most of them did not know that this was an adult condition. They just thought 18, 19, 20. Well, they're sort of done with that, aren't they? You know, born with it, you die with it. Can I just say like, phenomenal, like your work is incredible.

I don't know how you've got that many hours in a day. Well, I do because you won't see it very much because you're in New York. But, and at the same event, I got to see the lovely Rosie Turner, who is a dear friend of mine. And I really love that we are on the same page with  pretty much everything. I mean, I can't, I can't do the sporty spy stuff that she does, but, uh, how we see the community that we're in.

Go on. Tell me your glimmer of today then tell me what you're grateful for today. I'm grateful for this Laura today. I'm really grateful. Oh, I'm grateful for you. Because, you know what, I am so grateful because meeting all of you, like you, James and Sarah, I am always grateful for you guys that  are there for me, you know, as personal friends and through the struggle.

And then when there's something like this where I've said, right, I'm ready to talk about this thing professionally, you're, you're there with a yes. And yeah. And that for me is so valuable.  You know, something to be so grateful for because it's rare. Not everyone's got people like that in their lives, especially after going through what we've gone through. 

And honestly, it was so hard to pick a glimmer from this episode with Megan Burke's coaching because she's one of the shiniest.  I don't know. I was going to say pencils in the toolbox. I don't know. Uh, but she's, she's really glimmery. She's, she's shining bright. So I just had to go with this one so I could get the song stuck in everyone's head again.

But it's funny what you said about the grief relief. It's a hard relay. It's that gri leaf, innit? It just goes round and round. Yeah. Because it's a bit like, it makes me think of the Outcast song. Is it, um, Sorry Miss Jackson, is it that one where he says, Forever, forever, ever, forever, ever? It's like that.

It's like you go, Oh great, I've got the answer. I know what this is. Forever. Oh fuck, forever.  I'm gonna say this. to the listeners. Maybe the problem is not that you are too much, maybe the people around you are not enough. The reason I even hesitate to say that is because that whole term of not enough, like we all know the shame of being called that, and so I don't, it's not that I want you to leverage that against other people, but what I mean is being neurodivergent, Can be a very isolating, incredibly lonely experience, but I promise you  that there are people out there who will understand and who will see you and accept you and love you for who you are, but you have to do the very, very scary, brave thing.

Of showing yourself who you are and then showing other people who you are because that is the only way that you can attract these other feral wild women into your life is by going out there and being the feral wild person that you are and if you're not, if you're like, but I want to sit at home and knit, I'm like, that's fine.

And if you want to do that on your own, that's fine too. What I'm saying is, we bang on and on and on about authenticity without talking about the process of that and finding a support system, whether it's a coach or a mentor or a therapist or a friend or, you know, someone who can kind of be there with you through that is so important.

such an important piece of it. But it's also okay to admit to yourself that you have outgrown the people around you, especially post diagnosis, especially when you come to really embrace who you are and what it is you want out of this experience here on earth. And to look at the people that have kind of just default been part of your life and be like, you know what? 

I think I need to move on from some of this and go and find the people who can keep up with you, who can match that pace.  Who can bang your even if that pace is knitting. Yes, exactly. And that's is not about too much and not enough. It's like if, if you are too much for somebody, that could mean you are too much, uh, or you're too quiet.

It doesn't have to mean you are too much, in my sense of the word, too much in our sense, the word too much, and the not enough is not enough for you, for your authentic self, for you to live happily in, in, you know. In their company, that's wonderful. You're wonderful. You're wonderful.  The song's going to be stuck in my head for days. 

Ever. 

And finally, this one's from me. It's a message that I've said a million times and I'll say a million times more until the cows come home. So I hope that you hear it. Please hear me.  It's so, so important to me. And I'm so grateful to James Brown for interviewing me. It was a real glimmer to be able to reflect on all of the glimmers of this year, including Flakstock, the Chazza, ADHDF Emporium, and all of the things that I've worked really friggin hard on  this year.

Starting in January when everything splintered off in lots of different directions. And I had the support of so many of which I'm so, so grateful. What would you like the listeners to know? I would like the listeners to know  that Oh, God, sorry. I'm trying not to cry. I would like the listeners to know  that they are not alone.

It's a really basic, basic bitch thing to say, but it's absolutely true. You know,  I really, genuinely believed that I was the only person in the world who, Just couldn't get it together. You know, I, I literally, I've said it many times about like the community, for example, I wouldn't have got that far. I couldn't have signed up because I would never definitely have money coming into my bank account.

I worked for myself, which meant that sometimes I literally didn't work in my thirties. I, you know, I, I told those stories on the too much to ending up on the streets of Bangkok with no money. Someone's got to bail me out again. The shame that I carried and just not understanding why I couldn't do it or why I was always upset about something and why I can't fucking drive and what a burden I feel for that.

All of these things. I really felt like I was the only person in the world. And it's just not fucking true. It is not true. So you are not alone in it. Try to let go of that shame and just find your people because they are out there and we fucking need each other because times are tough. And we have to, we have to, you know, stick together.

And when we do.  It's never going to be perfect, but it does get better. Things get much, much better. I just want to say thank you. I don't, I don't, you know, it's a fucking random package that I bring to the table and I'm so very grateful for anybody who has humored me. I,  the most sentimental dickhead there is.

I can't tell you what it means to me when somebody wears leopard print. I can't tell you, you know.  All of it. I'm so so fucking grateful for all of it. And  yeah, that's it. That's enough. I'll shut up.  And, and that's lovely.  So I hope that I've managed to turn it around. And despite desperately wanting to get the important message out to you that I've still managed to bring some joy this Christmas.

to reflect on all of the amazing times that this year has brought, despite all of the challenges. And I know that in the episode with James, We both talked about how in dark times, this, our podcast and speaking and  speaking out and sharing our experiences, not only did it turn our pain into a positive to help others, but it also helped us.

So again, that is another reason why. I've done this today. I'm supposed to be living in Ibiza already by now.  This year hasn't gone to plan. Pretty much nothing's gone to plan this year. A lot has happened, but it's been hard every step of the way, and every time I've felt like I've got anywhere, I feel like I've been pulled a million steps back.

But Onwards we plow.  The thing that so many ADHDers seem to share is resilience. And obviously nobody wants to be resilient because it means that you've had to endure some really fucking terrible times, but  I am resilient  and I am hopeful for. Better days ahead. I found this quote actually, and of course I've completely lost where I found it, so if anybody knows, let me know. 

Even in the darkest times, there's always a glimmer of light. Focus on the good and let hope guide you through. That's what I'm doing  and that's what we should all try to do. But sometimes it's really, really hard and particularly. At Christmas, I've always found that to be a difficult time, so I'm just going to share  a little bit more Christmas joy. 

You might remember, if you're a long time listener, that last Christmas I did a tour. We, we attempted to sing a song together at all of the shows, which I, I was going to say I wrote. I didn't at all. I changed the words to, um, the 12 days of Christmas and I got my incredibly talented friend, Claire Durrant, who is a singing teacher based in Norwich and she's ADHD AF  to sing it for me.

Uh, she's a Panto queen. I'm sure she'll be in the Panto somewhere in Norfolk this, this Christmas. So I'm going to end on this song because it'd be rude not to,  but I also wanted to point out that I really wanted to get the Christmas video up, but obviously  These last few weeks have not gone to plan, but you never know.

I might actually, you know, I might not sleep tonight and the video of the Christmas show might be up on the Emporium website and if so, I'll promote it. But if I don't manage it. At least you know why, and at least you got to hear the song performed by this legend as a little nostalgia for all of you legends who came to see last year's Christmas tour. 

Now, whatever this Christmas looks or feels like for you,  I would beg you to please give yourself the gift of compassion. Remember,  It is your Christmas too,  and as I said in the shows last year, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, and that includes eating, drinking, or being in any situations that are damaging to you. 

Do not set yourself on fire to keep others warm.  And if you are in need of support, please reach out.  There's a link in the show notes for free and immediate support. Even if you feel it, I just really want you to know that you are not alone. I'm sending enormous love and gratitude to all of you listeners, to everyone who spoke on the podcast, and yeah, just to all of you Leopard Print Army Legends.

Take it away, Claire!  On the twelfth day of Christmas, ADHD gave to me  Twelve double bookings, eleven shocking outbursts, Ten open photos, nine triggering chit chats, Eight fucking meltdowns, seven simplex warblings, Six college slugging, five unpaid bills! Four exit cards, three lost gifts, two declined payments, and a shared total of RSD.