ADHD Time Blindness: What is time?!

People with ADHD often experience difficulty in accurately perceiving the passage of time and estimating task duration, leading to challenges with planning, punctuality, and prioritising tasks. If you struggle with Time Blindness it is not your fault. This is symptomatic of the condition. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
...And neither am I... I'm joined by the wonderful Beth and Kate; two Volunteer Facilitators of ADHDAF+ Charity for a chinwag all about it!

We hope that you can come chat about Time Blindness at your nearest ADHDAF+ Support Group

TRIGGER WARNING: Contains swearing, loud laughter and mentions of sensitive topics including; grief, trauma, anxiety, depression, relationship and work struggles. If you are struggling, lo siento. Please reach out for help HERE

As mentioned in this episode you can:
- Donate the The Big ADHD Fundraiser HERE
- Read the new ADHDAF+ Blog HERE
- Register Interest in ADHDAF+ Charity's FREE Peer Support Groups to get email reminders HERE
- Apply to Volunteer to start your own local ADHDAF+ Support Group, Volunteer your time or become an Ambassador HERE
- Shop ADHDAF Emporium HERE to support neurodivergent makers and small businesses, with 10% of profits donated to ADHDAF+ Charity

If you would like to join the Patreon Community of ADHDAF Podcast listeners to lean on and learn from literally like-minded legends for invaluable Peer support you can do so HERE

Though the work of ADHDAF Podcast led to the creation of ADHDAF+ Charity, and helps to promote and fundraise for the charity; all things ADHDAF are entirely separate entities.

You can follow all things ADHDAF on Socials:
@adhdafpodcast @adhdafplus @adhdafemporium @lauraisadhdaf

Thank you SO MUCH for listening! I'd be so grateful if you would please comment/review/share to help me get the word out and to help others feel validated and find support!
Laura x
LEOPARD PRINT ARMY!

Photo by @Reubeshoot at House of Wingz event: Blackpool Style Assembly

Transcript

 Hi, I am Laura and I am ADHDAF. I'm also time blind AF and in this episode we'll be talking about time blindness, but there will also be some swearing, some ridiculousness, a lot of cackling, but we may cover some topics that some might find triggering. So please do have a read of the description before listening on where you will also find a link signposting you to resources for support.

I've just turned up 25 minutes late to an episode about time blindness. Oh, it's so on brand. You literally couldn't write this shit. And I'll be honest with you, this will be one of those episodes in which nobody ever sees the video content because I'm sat in my bed.

But any anybody in the A-D-H-D-F podcast community will be more than used to seeing me in my leopard print dressing gown of a morning. Usually I do get dressed and, and have a microphone and all sorts to record episodes, but not today because yesterday was flax stock. I just used the very last of the spoons I had in my physical body to wash my body.

Because my arms are so tired that I couldn't even contemplate getting all the recording equipment out just now. So you've got me as it's, and to be honest, uh, the sound quality might even be better 'cause I'm in this room and the ride or die fans, um, love the. Authentic chaoticness of the of this. It's a pirate radio, but is the way, isn't it?

We justify it with the B Pirate radio, so I rough around the edges. I just like the way as well, we were so terrified, both me and Beth about being on the podcast 'cause of big podcast virgins and you said. We just honestly pretend it's just like a regular chat with me. Well, this couldn't be more like a attack because I'm seeing you if your dressing gown just with your headphones on.

So honestly this, yeah, this is definitely but makes me feel at ease maybe too. At ease. Serious. Well, this, this is the thing. Nobody's gonna be any more shambolic than me. So let, let's dive in. So I am joined today by two wonderful volunteer facilitators of A DHD AF plus charity. The wonderful Kate in Bristol and Beth in air in Scotland.

We're gonna be having a little chinwag about the topic of time blindness, which is something that many a ADHDers struggle with because time blindness is the topic of the September peer support groups of A-D-H-D-F plus charity. And both of these legends are having their. First ever support group. I'm Kate from Bristol and my very first support group, which is that in the 3rd of September in Bristol, in the tobacco factory in Bedminster.

It's a really cool venue, but we've got the loft space, so it's super private so people can relax and hopefully feel in a safe space to open up and just say as much or as little as they would like to. I'll be trying really hard to give them the space to be allowed to talk so we not to talk over them.

Right. Mass focus on that. I feel like the charity and these support groups are an extension of the, the stuff that works really well with the community. Feeling safe with like-minded people. It's so liberating and refreshing to be in a place where you don't feel judged and you people relate to you when we have felt so other for so many years in our lives.

It's, it's just lovely when you have that shared connection. Even if your traits and the way that your A DHD presents, which well as we know, is so, so different and kind of depends on the individual, you still have that compassion and empathy for a fellow A DHD. I mean, you'll understand this, especially Laura Wiba refer to ourselves as technot tips, and we much prefer in real life connection as opposed to kind of walls and text.

Of course, yes. Everyone's preference to kind of what they prefer and stuff like that. But yeah. But for me personally, I really love connecting with people. I would like to be able to do that in, yeah, my hometown. You made reference to the fact that like me, you are a very wordy person and how you, you wanna try and make sure that people will get the chance to speak and that that can be really, really difficult because often I'll sort of fill the gaps.

Oh, okay. Well, I'll just keep talking because they seem to not want to talk and then. The way that that can be from the other side is that actually the person is waiting for me to finish, to speak, and I'm waiting for them to speak, to finish, and we sort of get a bit lost in that loop. But the truth is we are empowering the facilitators as much as the attendees.

We've all got it. We need to be compassionate to ourselves and our attendees, like as a whole. We need to be compassionate as a community and understand, for example, at any of our groups, not just Kate's, or if I, you know, bulldoze in again with a bingo game or whatever it has to be. Okay. For us to have a DHD Beth just cycled 288 frigging miles in three days from Air Toum for the big A DHD fundraiser.

Well done Beth, and thank you. I, I feel embarrassed now to be like I, my god, my aching bones from doing flex stock yesterday when you just cycled nearly 300 bloody miles last week. How are you? Are you achy? You okay? I'm good. Yeah. I had a sports massage on Wednesday. You were incredible. You were all incredible.

Like you were really up against it with those conditions. My god. The hills, the, the rain, the everything. Just well bloody done. Absolutely inspirational and so much money raised. Thank you so, so, so much. What made me think about that there is, there is a link to, we all got there at the finish line and I'm, I'll check with her.

I'm sure she won't mind me saying, but Claire had lost her key. To her, to her car. And so we were trying to figure out getting back. And when I got in the back of the taxi with Claire, she was quite down on herself and I was just like, for goodness sake, Claire, you've just done all of this organization.

You've been like point A to point B. Came and picked me up somewhere along the way. Get to Runcorn station, do this, do that. All this stuff. Yes, you've lost your key, but you've misplaced it. It's gonna be in the room. And even if you'd lost it, lost it, and you had to call somebody out to, to let you in the vehicle like.

It has to be okay that you've got a DHD. Like it really does. We have to give ourselves that compassion. So I love that you said that. Um, Kate, and there was another thing that I really wanted to talk about that you were, that you said, but actually I've talked so much, I've forgotten what the point was.

There we go. That was it. That was it. We understand that some people prefer and do feel very connected online. Some people feel like they are able to express themselves better without being in person or have different commitments or conditions that make it difficult, that go out and connect in person.

But my feeling is that there are so many amazing online. Spaces, A DHD adult UK has an incredible free discord server with all of the resources, all of the moderators, 24 hours a day. So, you know, we know that we can always send people that are looking for that to that space confidently knowing that they're gonna be looked after.

A DHD UK have really fantastic webinars going on all the time. Is. So much incredible online stuff. So to anybody who is disappointed that we're not doing online stuff, please know it is just because there is, there is a literal wealth of it. So we are trying to do something different for people that do want to connect in real life and actually even for people that don't.

It could be interesting to see what you gain from doing something that you wouldn't normally do. I know I really don't feel like going to grief support group ever, but each, each group has been really, really beneficial. There is something to be said for that. Anyway, I'll take a breath and let Wonderful Beth tell me about herself and her group.

I'm Beth. I'm in Air in Scotland. I'll be starting a group 2nd of September at 48. New Market Street in air. Any kind of support or help for adults with A DHD in Erha, maybe even Scotland, is just pretty dire. About a year and a half ago, I decided I really wanted to start a support group. Didn't really know where to start with it, so decided to do a bit of a coaching course 'cause I thought it would help me improve my knowledge just as I was finishing that.

You guys announced that you were gonna be starting to to fund support groups and I was like, this is just so serendipitous, like yes, I just need to get in on this. I took part in the big A DH ADHD fundraiser, so that started from air and it just felt like I was like, everything is pointing towards, just get this group started.

Yes, I've been part of the community. Started, I'm just very hopeless online. You and me both did well. All three of us actually, I, I did take part in the, the charity fundraiser last year that Darren organized. It highlighted how great it is when you get a DH. ADHD is together. When you get us all in a room together, amazing things happen and I just want to be able to have that in my local area and help people, help each other feel seen and feel like they've got a community.

It's all about community to have. Local community in actual local areas. I just think that that is invaluable. It's not just a place for support, but can be a root for great change, I think. Thank you so much. Thank you for everything. And I do have to laugh, you know, not only did our Darren add extra miles to this year's fundraiser, but it went from literally.

The flattest cycle known to man cycling to Amsterdam, and then you're in all of these hills, like I have to say, the tales from when you all cycled. Lake Windermere. I've never heard anything like it. You can say it's quite all or nothing, which.

It's the whole thing. It always plays out like that, whether it's online interaction in-person stuff or cycling nearly 300 miles. You literally are just watching a DHD play out again and again. Contradictions. And much like being late for this time blindness recording. So let's talk a little bit about time blindness because that's what we're actually here to do.

Although I would really like to talk to you about Mel C'S DJ set of Blackstock last night. I saw a bit.

We'll come back to that actually really quickly. I feel like it's so important to be able to have these support groups when they are waiting and feeling so hopeless and lost and I, I hope this can help to feel less alone in that time and maybe learn in the process some kind of ways to little coping strategies, the diagnose.

Gives validation, but we still have to kind of find ways to cope with our A DHD regardless. Yeah, it's really interesting. Yesterday I had different pieces of A DHD awareness from the online community that I had all over the tent to kind of intersperse with stuff. Look at the shiny thing here, some information business.

I have a pleasure. So yeah, like, come, come here. You won't wanna look at this like jazzy hat, but actually did you know one of the comments. Was from Maria in the community and she'd written just because, you know, uh, the reason why you behave in a certain way, it doesn't mean you can just stop doing it.

Like that's the thing, right? So yes, we can have the validation and we can have the information. And in really doing that self-inventory, accepting that the same kind of struggles are going to keep tripping us up, we can try to put systems in place to best support ourselves, however. I still turned up 25 minutes late to this recording.

Like there are things that are going to happen and we need to be in spaces with people who can help us eradicate that shame because that shame spiral can. Also make our struggles worse, but can be really detrimental to our mental health wellbeing and, and the rest can cause devastation to, to be understood and held and to drop that Shame is absolutely everything.

The other point is self-diagnosis is valid. Totally. You know, a lot of the people that I met yesterday were like. Well, I'm on a list, so I think I've got it and I don't know if I've got it. It's really, really hard. I, I always go to great pains to say I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm not any kind of authority in this, but I can tell you now that if you believe that you have a DHD.

Then I believe that you have a DHD. Self-diagnosis is valid. To be able to have something that helps others and it might help you is only a good thing. That's the whole thing about these groups, and a friend of mine said to me, there's someone I know who's been waiting for ages, so she doesn't have a diagnosis.

Would she still be welcome? Yes. The self-doubt that creeps in when sometimes when you don't. Yeah. Like we get, we have that anyway. Even if you've got the all singing, all damn sing, you know, certificate. Yeah. When you don't, it couldn't be more apt for these people. A hundred percent. Because like you said, like not, I only, is it cathartic?

Not only is it validating, but as we've said, you know. To, to have that shame spiral, to have that doubt to not have support. The knock on effect on our mental health will further exacerbate our A DHD symptoms. If you're not sleeping right, if you're not eating, if you're not looking after yourself in any way, your A DHD is gonna be on fire and round and round and round we go.

At the end of the day, you know that BBC research came out that there was over half a million people. In the UK on waiting list for for assessment for A DHD, and some of whom could be waiting 10 years depending on where you are based. Please, if you suspect you have a DHD. Come to the groups, that's what they're for.

They're not only for people that have a diagnosis, that have treatment, that have support networks. They are for them as well. But all of us together can support each other. So please come even if you just are curious and think you might have it. Just come along because you are very, very, very welcome.

I've ranted. No, you're fine. Let's talk about time blindness. So Tam often used to describe a person's inability to properly sense the passing of time. It's not a technical diagnosis, but it is a very real symptom of A DH. D. For people like us, our brain can't keep track of time in any linear fashion, and many of us experience time in just the two time zones of now or not now.

So in real life it can mean completely underestimating how long things will take losing track of time, completely running late. Overcompensating by being very, very early and even in terms of things like waiting mode, for example, if we are so worried that we have something ahead of us that can eat up the whole day, sort of stuck in a kind of paralysis waiting for the time to pass.

So, yeah, time is really, really tricky. Anybody who came to the too much tour will know my story about the hat that took me three and a half years to make. I really thought that at most it was a year, but what's. A similar story to that is the wonderful, uh, John from all DHD or just a bit weird on the episode where they interviewed me, they told a story about how they needed to do their car tax or something like that.

I can't remember how many years, but it was even longer than the three and a half I think it was about, it was a really long time, right? Not, not to incriminate, and I'm terrible with numbers, but it was a really, really long time and the saddest part in it. Is that both of us had that same experience of saying every single day, oh, I must do that today.

I must do that today. Four years

every single day with absolutely no concept of how much time is passing. Do you struggle with time blindness, Beth? And if so, how does it show up in you? Time blindness is probably one of my biggest A DHD things. I'm, I'm pretty much late to everything and. I try and combat it by being early, but which was much, much easier when I was younger and I didn't have other stuff to do, and so I was always like chronically early to everything as a kid because my parents were always late, and I hated that feeling.

Yes. But now that I realize that there's all this stuff. As an adult, what you have to do. Um, I'm always either just rushing in on time or a little bit late and it's when you rush in really sweaty. Yeah. It's like always like bulging vein out of my head. Sweaty top lip, like eyes bulging kind of thing. Yeah.

And I'll, if I can achieve something in a certain amount of time once, I think I'll be able to do it like that forever. And it, yeah. So like I go to Paul twice a week. It's exactly 30 minutes drive, and I know I need to leave before 30 minutes before it starts, but I'll always be leaving at half past and be like running in the door, bang on, or just have to, because it's like 30 minutes without traffic.

Yeah. Or 30 minutes on that particular day, but like no consideration of all the other things that could come up. Yeah. Yeah. I even just get it out the door if I ever sit down. It's the worst thing I'll ever do. If there's something to do, 'cause suddenly. A lot of time has passed and I don't even realize it's done it.

Do you ever have the thing where I'll suddenly decide that I can do something in that little window of time that I have before I have to leave the house to be at something? So a really good example is Nicole always thinks that she can paint her nails. Which she's about to leave the house. Obviously, knowing that that takes time, you can mess it up and then they need to drive.

But that will be totally fine in the next two minutes. So I always do that. I'll always be like, I'm just going to send this one message, or I'm just gonna check this one email. And then actually, yeah, you're completely late, but it doesn't, you don't seem to be able to gauge Yeah. How long that task is gonna take.

Kate, are you time blind af. I am. And, um, I feel like I'm better with it in the sense of, not that I'm any better really with my timekeeping, but I'm a little bit more compass, like self-compassionate about it. Yes. I, I realized as well, literally as if it was all part of an equation, my time blindness. Is completely linked with my procrastination and my perfectionism, um, and the anxiety around it.

And because they all work together so harmoniously, it's why something that can seem so trivial for someone looking in, you have no idea about the kind of the toll it takes. And actually, um, going back to the word contradiction, you are trying. So hard to be on time and the energy and the mental toll that takes it can come across like you are lazy or you are unmanageable.

It looks like you don't care or you don't respect that person that you are meeting or your time is more valuable than anybody else. Absolutely. And the thing that is such a juxtaposition for me, and I know a lot of a DH ADHD is as well, is that I am. I have sent almost the best part of 40 years. People pleasing.

Yes. And it really doesn't align if you are a people pleaser, keeping people waiting or looking like, you know, you're not respectful of their time or something like that. And then, and that. That really affects your inner peace and your self worth. In a what? In a what? Yeah. Yeah. Inner piece. Um, yeah, and it, and also about the, you know, the, the jokes that come from it, you know, and, and the RS.

D that comes with it as well, because as a result of something being something I try so hard with, and also the fact that I'm not just there for at home, twiddling my thumbs doing nothing. I'm actually the, I'm trying to get ahead of myself so I can feel like I've got my ducks in a row and I kind of, yeah, you know.

Desperately trying to keep my head above water. So if it becomes that kind of running joke about you, well, you know, Kate's gonna be late, or you know, or tap in your watch, that sort of thing, like that hurt. It hurts because people have no idea of how hard you're trying that I think how many times have we had well meaning, but infuriating advice and tips.

We are not stupid. If someone says something about setting your alarm a little bit earlier, or why don't you just leave? 10 minutes before or something and you think, do you not think I have tried this a billion times, or I've had the best intention, it doesn't work. What is the other symptoms that that bulldoze in?

Yeah, like, yeah, that's a great idea. If only I could find my shoes. Do you know what I mean? Which should be by the door because that's where they live. But for some reason today I've gone to put my shoes on and they no longer exist. And actually they do. They were right in front of me, but I was so stressed about not being late for you that I tore apart my entire house and still couldn't see the shoes right in front of me because of object I permanence.

It all has this knock on effect and it is absolutely infuriating and you know. I mean, I am very tired, but when you said they can't see how hard we're trying or it looks like we're not trying or it looks like we don't care, like it really, it really actually physically hurt me a little bit inside. It's like that is it.

That is exactly it. And it's so funny because obviously. There are so many people that I have had the privilege of meeting, speaking to, or being in touch with online throughout these last three years of doing all things A-D-H-D-A-F, but like before it, I really did think that I was the only person that felt this way, and still, even now three years on these, these words, these shared experiences, it, it has so much meaning.

It has so much, there's so much in it. I don't think anyone's ever like said anything necessarily to me. About it, but in internally I've been like, I'm so awful. Like I've made this person wait, and I'm like, anxiously, like texting 'em, like, I'm on my way. I'm only this, I'm out of minutes away or whatever.

Yeah. And it's like, I've put the shame on myself a lot and it, it's this anxiety, it's just like I've big ball of anxiety the whole time because you, you know, you're keeping someone. A hundred percent. And I think that's the thing, isn't it? Is like if somebody is pissed off with you, they'll tell you off.

Not nice, but it is what it is. But when you are the one that's self-flagellating, how do you stop? You do just carry it around with you. That shame and that anxiety and that worry. It's, it's a really tricky one. Go on Kate. Dive into your notes. Tell me what else you've written down. Wow. Thanks. What, what for this unprepared chin, tell me a highlighter.

Um, one thing that I still fantasize about, right? Y I'm glad. Sorry. Sorry. No, it'll be really anticlimatic now. I'll be like weed. Weed of think is, I still feel that the answer to all my problems. I know. Drum roll. Yeah. If you say.

From the nineties TV show, Bernard's watch, I had Bernard's watch. My life would be so much easier and I think I, I imagine Bernard's watch probably does come into my head pretty much most weeks. I, and I really do think if I could just force time. I could do all the things that I wanted to do. Yeah. And then I, and then you could, you'd be able to do, on top of it, you'd be able to rest and you could do your self care and everything.

Yeah, and I would just be winning at life. And I guess part of my acceptance is I need to realize that. That's never gonna be an option. Before I understood why our brains work the way they do. Well, I even considered at one point, would it be easier if I just didn't make social arrangements? Yes. Because at least then I wouldn't be letting better people down.

Yes. Because the, the toll that it would take the, the pressure. Yeah. I just thought, okay, well yes, I would miss, you know, the connection and that sort of thing, but it was that hard. Yeah. And it was that frustrating with that wrecking ball internally. Yeah. I have had those protect yourself from the feeling of letting people down.

A hundred percent. I understand that this whole thing is why A-D-H-D-F plus charity has a very relaxed approach to timings. So you know, we are gonna start whatever time the group says is an ish, whatever time it ends is an ish. And if you need to leave early, come late, whatever. We really, really, genuinely do not mind at all.

There is no judgment, so please nobody tie yourself in knots if you're running for the bus. If you can't find your shoes like me, if you, you know, whatever it is, just come as you are, whatever time you get there, and leave whenever you need to get there. And also, please give us the grace to run a little bit.

Late or a little bit on or whatever because we have to have that compassion and have that ish on the end of our times please and thank you. Um, but yeah, sorry. Carry on Kate. No. Oh, I will give, I will, uh, pause to see if Beth has anything on her list. Do you have a list as well? Well, Laura, this is a perfect example of how, again, we, we can all connect and we get on so well, but we have our different ways completely of, um, doing it, you know, and I think also as well, that's why it also works really well is to together as well.

But it's funny because. Innocently. You, you are, you are very, uh, sort of fluid, just like, honestly, it's just, you know, it's just a regular, you know, chat and we'll just cover everything. And I totally get, I totally get that. But I think because of those other bits that have already popped up, the perfectionism and stuff like that, yes, uh, you would probably feel less yourself if you had, you know, almost a.

For better words, like a script in front of you, that would probably feel like, that would make me feel more stressed. Yeah. I've, no, yeah. Me just knowing I've got, that made me feel like I've got that. No, I, I hate that being a mind blank, or, or especially when it's something you really care about, you know, or you miss a really important point.

Definitely. I think for me, pressure of getting it wrong is a thing, and I know that I can go on and I know. My impulsivity and everything else can take things on on, on very random side quests. So I think sometimes keeping it loose takes the pressure off me. But I understand that some people like yourself would need more structure to feel safer, whereas I'd feel safer without any just to like for it to be all right, because otherwise I'd be like, did I do it right?

Did I do it right? Yeah. The, this is what, what I think is, is so interesting is actually they both come down to the same point. Oh, a hundred percent. I'm not getting it wrong and feeling comfortable, feeling safe. And yet it just shows. Yeah. Very good segue into the very, you know, this is the how, our traits and relatability.

Yeah. They might not always come out in the same way. But often there's a lot of relatability. A hundred percent from our behaviors and our feelings. Yeah. Yeah. Or there's a real crossover. Go on, Beth, read us the list before me and Kate talk ourselves into stupid. My, my list is not anywhere near as comprehensive, I have to say.

It was just easy color coded, please.

I, I totally relate to Kate's perfectionism, not wanting to get things wrong, but then as a side of that, I just end up procrastinating everything. Like mm-hmm. I think I procrastinate every task in life, but especially if I'm worried about getting something wrong and then I don't realize how, like if it's something that's a bit of work or something due a month away and I'm worrying, I'll worry about it that whole month, but not due.

Anything until I have that deadline looming and then it's like, oh, I've got to actually try and do this. Um, and then I've made a lot more work for myself 'cause I've just worried about it and left it the last minute and, and the worrying is exhausting. Yeah, it's exhausting. I used to stay up all night, worried about not doing my homework.

Instead of just doing my homework. But in my head, all of that worry was the work. I'd almost convinced myself that I was doing it, but I hadn't put pen to paper. Yeah, it's exhausting worrying about it. Yeah. That's so interesting. I literally, I was lying in bed this morning thinking about, um, exactly that with them when I would be.

You know, ruminating about coursework or revision, you know, 20 plus years ago and thinking, and, and for the toll that from the worry and the stress thinking, I mustn't let this happen again, or my next project or my next thing. And of course deja vu it exactly the same happen again. And, um, and, and yeah, because it's, and that's the thing about the, a bit like with, we were saying with the people pleasing for how much you are worrying, how much you care.

It doesn't look, it doesn't make sense. There's a phrase that came up in my mind when you were talking then about, I had a conversation with James Brown the other day and I was talking about how I've massively overcommitted in August. Uh, it was like six enormous things all happening at once in the same month back to back to back.

And I was laughing, but I said to James, I was like, nobody would do this to themselves. Nobody would choose to do that to themselves. I genuinely couldn't keep track of the dates, couldn't figure it out in my mind. And all of those things sounded like a good idea at the time. You know, that is the perfect example of the condition is just like all of this stuff, this procrastination, the amount of stress that you're talking about, Beth, like having to wait till the deadline is literally breathing down your neck.

Nobody would choose to do that. Mm, nobody. Ever. Sorry. Carry on. One of the things is like coping strategies. I don't know if mine are particularly healthy coping strategies, but pretty much every room in our house has a clock in it. I might not ever look at it, but there's a clock in the room, including every tractor outside has has a clock, uh, which is actually my other half that put them in.

But we're both pretty bad at keeping time. So there's just like a little analog clock so we can look and see what time it is if we need to be somewhere. I use Google Maps all the time, even if I know where I'm going. And I use the arrive by time. Yes. And then. Nice by that, work back from that, but also like use Google Street view to work out the parking situation because there's nothing more stressful than if you can't get parked.

Um, but it doesn't always go to plan, obviously. Yeah, I basically just overthink the whole thing and then, and probably still late anyway. But yeah, the clocks and the tractors is quite useful. I think that's brilliant. And that's the thing, isn't it? As, as we've already said, there were times, periods of life where you would make yourself extra, extra early.

Mm-hmm. Right. And there are so many people that still use that. Like when I do events, there will be people that will turn up an hour early. Yeah. Just to make sure, you know, and so it just goes to show once again, how different we all are. So it really always boils down to looking at your unique struggles and your unique life circumstances.

You know, like. You are a farmer, Beth. Most people listening, I'm assuming probably won't have tractors, but where could you have clocks? You know, it's good point. I lot just walking around like. What time is it? What time is it? Like if I don't have my phone in my hand, I'm like, what time is it? Got the time.

Got the time. I definitely need to put a clock in my bathroom I think is a, oh, I dunno. It seems to be a vortex sometimes. Yes. Complete vortex. You've got one legendary community member who's most A DHD thing is always like went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Came out two hours later.

Have you got any hacks, Kate? Well, I've definitely got some more things on my list for you. Uh, I feel like knowing about A DHD, like I wouldn't use it just as an excuse for being late, but I feel like it is an explanation and it is a reason to, for why it's such a struggle for me. So if I don't feel like it's a get out jail free card, to not try your very best to be on time and to be respectful.

And I would always apologize if I've left someone waiting because, you know. Yeah, it's to to be, to be, yeah. Respectful of that. I think the key word there is try, because it's such a complicated word, because as we've just said, trying our hardest can still sometimes look like we are not trying it all.

Because there are internal battles that exhausting worrying. There is, you know, all of this stuff. Like, why didn't you just set an alarm? Why didn't you just put your shoes by the door? Why didn't you just because all of those things make it look. Like we are not trying, and that's where it is. That explanation is that actually, if people can have the awareness, have the understanding of the complexities of the condition, then it's not an excuse to not try.

It is an explanation for when you have tried. Absolutely. In the sense of it's, there is an official reason. Yeah. It's about the trying still, so that the person that I've kept waiting on something that they know that I care. I will try my hardest to be accountable, you know? Yeah. Some kind of coping strategies.

The things that will work for me won't do anything for another person. I am old school. I use a diary, a paper diary still. Yes. There's something that helps me about writing. Something, um, physically rather than typing alongside the diaries, my life is ruled by lists. One thing that I've tried to do more recently is to break tasks down on my list to get a bit more of a grasp of a realistic time that they might take.

Breaking it down into even more little baby steps. Yes. Do you know how long it takes you to get ready? No. So wherever I'm going, I'll figure out. How long it's gonna take me to get there, and then I need an hour. It probably doesn't take me an hour, but I've always allocated that hour to get ready. She says, start hearing her dressing.

Go 25 minutes later, but that's at home. Ask, give an hour. Girls say, I meeting a friend might go to know no makeup or whatever. I genuinely think that, so therefore, yes, they need five minutes just to get washed and dressed. And it isn't five minutes. And, and, and my poor husband, the amount of times he has, you know, just coming one minute, but I'll be five minutes.

Five minutes, Nick says, I always say, right, I'm ready. And that is like the 10 minute curtain call. Oh yeah. Do you? Because I will just need to find one more thing and I just need to do this. And I can't find the keys. I just might have one last emergency we, before we leave, and it's literally like, yeah, okay.

That means when you say you are ready, that is at least 10 minutes to go. I feel so.

So that's so interesting. Can I add as well, actually thinking about allocating time to tasks, I sometimes over allocate time to tasks, which makes them feel too big to tackle. So, uh, my win of this week, what day is it? Yeah. My win of this week is that I've straightened my. And I haven't been able to, not that it matters, but I just prefer having my hair straight.

If I'm going to events and things, I just feel I look a bit more polished. When I've got ringlets, I feel like I'm diving Laura Beach bum person. I don't feel very, yeah. Together. So I haven't managed to find the motivation. Oh my God, I have to tell you this, right? Hang on one minute. I haven't been able to find the motivation to straighten my hair for about six weeks because in my head it was going to take me hours and hours, and I had too many other important tasks that I needed to get done to allocate that time.

So the other night I was like, it's now or never straighten your hair. I washed it and blow dried it. Oh my God. It literally took like half an hour. It didn't even take that long. In my head, it was like a two and a half hour, three hour marathon thinking for some reason that I'm, you know, 12 years old using Bais steam straighteners from the nineties or something.

Do you know what I mean? Like making my hair curly as I'm straightening it. Like literally, no, I've got good hair stuff. I can straighten my hair in half an hour. It's really not that big of a deal. I have to tell you this now because this is absolutely ridiculous. So I joked with Kim Peer point, oh God, you know, I'm so unmotivated with self-care this month.

I hope that that isn't, because the topic of this month's support groups is motivation and that whenever we pick a topic that I'm then going to extremely struggle in that, in that area. And I was 25 minutes late to the time blindness meeting. Can we go really easy on the topics going forward? Yeah, maybe.

Yeah. 'cause whatever it's, I'm gonna have it with bells on. Do you have that, Beth, do you think that it's like a, a time allocation problem where it makes something feel so much more enormous than it is? Yeah, I think that's probably why I procrastinate a lot of things. 'cause I just think that something will take.

Hours. Um, and then I'll put it off for months and then it's like five minutes is, that's all I took to do is that, um, it's like five minutes. My accounts, they'll, they need to be put together and I've probably done the most of it and it's just the last little bit and I'm just putting it off. Um. Yeah, it'll be something that'll take like, not long at all, and I'll have it in my head that it's gonna take all day.

So I'm, I'll need to wait till I've got a free day to do it. Another, another coping strategy or hack is surrounding yourself with supportive people who get, you are forgiving. Understanding who can maybe alter the time in their heads if necessary. And if someone isn't forgiving of that and they make say, little passive aggressive digs or something like that, maybe reevaluating if they're a healthy person's having your life, we can be very forgiving and loyal and empathetic as a DH.

D is. But it's sometimes to a fault where people can take advantage of that. Yeah. It's that compassion because at the end of the day, as, as Beth, the example that you gave of like the pressure that you feel in yourself, even if somebody isn't giving you a hard time, you are giving yourself a hard time. So if we are already beating ourselves up, the last thing we need is people in our lives that are going to make us feel bad.

For literally a neurodevelopmental condition. This is why it's so complex, is that somebody is allowed to be pissed off if you're late. They are allowed to be. It is just that they're not allowed to attack your character for it. Do you know what I mean? They can be pissed off that you're late and be like, Ugh, that's so frustrating because we've missed this thing.

Or you let me down, or whatever. Like that is valid and allowed. And that is the accountability that you were talking about, Kate. But it's like, you know, if somebody was to imply that you are not trying, that you are useless, that you are uncaring, that you're this or you're that, like, we don't need it. We don't deserve it.

And you're absolutely right. You shouldn't be around people that are not prepared to be compassionate. Yeah, and I think the, now that we know what we know, I've got less capacity to be forgiving of those. You know, if someone does make a throwaway comment or something like that, now that we know when, when we used to feel like it was because we were a bit, you know, useless and pathetic, I would be more likely to kind of think, yes, no I am.

And yeah, you're right. Oh, they found me out. Yeah. Um, but, but now for, say if there, if there's someone I, no, no, I have stepped back from a couple of things because I, you know, when I've been, when I've fared all and explained these things, that, and, and, you know, I'm trying, if, if, if you are kind of, again, if I rocked up and didn't apologize or kind of acknowledge that, that yeah.

Someone waited or whatever. Absolutely. I think it's about giving people you'll have a bit of grace. Yeah. And if, if you can't, then that's kind of, that says a lot on a different note. When I'm booking appointment now, I will now book a time that I know that I can actually manage. And so I better if I've, while obviously we want to get things over and done with 'cause we know they're looming.

I know that, um, realistically speaking, you're not gonna get it, you're not gonna get yourself in out office guy. Yeah, and, and so I think it's about being, almost being a kinder to yourself and, and compassionate is actually knowing what you can realistically do. And it makes it a little bit easier for us.

So actually, is it easier for you to, is there certain times of the day where it's easier for appointments? We're so used to trying to shape shift around other people. But what actually makes your life easier? Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah. I think, uh, body doubling super helps. 'cause I think we can feel very lonely in our inside.

Our heads, in our little busy brains feel that when you, when you've shared that with someone, it kind of, that helps alleviate that. But yeah, I think it's just going back to that accepting and the understanding of why we are the way we are. Yes, we forget, uh, which trips us up again and again, but just to try and reprogram that way we speak to ourselves.

It's so much easier said than done, but it, it's one of those ones that I think a little bit like muscle memory. We, we, we've got so used to when we are in a flap or running behind or something, then the celebration kicking in. I, I know this and I know this to be true because of all of the events. That I've done in the past is that there will be people sat there thinking, well, that's all well and good, but I don't have anybody that I can body double with.

I don't have anybody that I feel safe to talk to about A DHD or I have spoken to family or friends and they think it's a bloody trend because of the mainstream media, or they think you know all of this stuff, but please know. That is exactly. Well, one of the many reasons why these in-person peer support groups exists is to get you people that do get it, that can help you, that you can reach out to.

And that works twofold because when you're talking about that. Self-compassion and it's not easy. It's really, really, as talked about that wounds, those battle scars of a lifetime of not knowing. We, we don't know how to go easy on ourselves. We don't know how to do that. Um, you know, I'm three years down the line and I'm still really, really working on it.

But one of the things that I have found most useful is in connecting with other people like me. Giving them compassion in situations where they have been late, for example, is when you start to be able to see yourself as them. That's for me is where that compassion, and I'm definitely not all the way there by a long way, but I can see it and I think, well, Kate does that.

Beth does that. I spoke to Ruth, I spoke to Kim, I spoke to whoever. When they had that situation, and actually I know we shared the same condition, so even though I still feel like I wanna beat myself up for it, I know that I would not speak to any of you the way that I'm internally speaking to myself. So it doesn't make it go, but the awareness is there and, and the effort is there, if that makes sense.

If, if someone in your life had someone constantly drip feeding negative comments to them all day, every day, if you're not good enough, you're not, why aren't you faster? Why aren't you doing this? Why aren't that? You'd be like, that is an abusive relationship. So a hundred percent. Do not be in an abusive relationship with yourself, basically.

Well, in all the ridiculous words that we could have just spun around in circles, Kate Beth just walks in and drops the fucking mic on.

People, an observer, and then they just come in with a really cool quip and you think, yes, be in, in a beautiful relationship with yourself. Oh my God, an hour and a half later could it all in that. And now I and Beth, Beth takes the helm as as, as a DHF podcast host. Thank you, Beth. No, that's true. That's proper pals that, yeah.

So what we are saying in a nutshell, and often it is the same thing again and again and again, but you know, uh, routines are hard and sometimes we find the answer and we forget it. Oftentimes. So again and again, it really does come down to that self-inventory. What does time blindness look like for you?

Where do you struggle with time? Are you lost in time? Are you anxious about time? Is, is it flying by you or are you. Stuck in waiting mode. Are you procrastinating? Do you know how long it takes you to get out the door? You know, what? How does this impact your life? How does the symptom of time blindness impact your life?

And when you figure it out. When you start to see those patterns, and as we've said, it won't just be time, blindness, object, impermanence, et cetera, will all perfectionism, will all play into this, to to, to create these struggles. You look at how it's presenting individually in you and you figure out ways to best support yourself leaning into community.

And trying to show yourself compassion. And we invite anybody in the air, air share area in the Bristol area to come along to Beth and Kate's groups. Uh, in September, we've also got groups in Aberdeen, Edinburgh, London, Birmingham, Manchester, Oxford. Is that it? Yeah, that's it. And we have more coming very, very soon.

Go to a DF plus.org.uk where you will find the information about all of our groups. There will also be a blog there, which I fully intend to write today. And God knows how long it'll take me, but I'll let you know. And then we can start to gauge how long it actually takes me to write a blog. And at each group, all attendees will be given a link.

Resources, just some little takeaways to kind of. Help you think a bit more on the topic when you leave to, to reiterate some of the themes covered and, um, yeah, to signpost to some support. I just wanna thank you so, so much for speaking to me late in my dressing gown in my bedroom. Ranting nonsense when, you know, really my head and my heart are still with Mel C in the field in Blackstock last night, who did a mashup?

Of faithless insomnia with Spice Girls wannabe, are you?

Gosh, I really was hyperactive that day. Uh, rather exhausted actually, but seemingly that, uh, nervous energy is how my exhaustion tends to play out. Thank you for listening to my Ridiculousness. If you found this episode helpful, I would be so grateful if you could hit those stars or write a review or a comment on Spotify as all will help.

This Pirate Radio podcast get heard in its. Sea of big mega yachts full of A DHD Captains speaking of pirates. The cover artwork of this episode was taken from the A DHD AF Emporium Grand finale of House of Wings incredible fashion event, the Blackpool style assembly, the event which alongside showcasing local and neurodivergent talent whilst boycotting fast fashion raised.

992 pounds in ticket sales, all of which House of Wings generously donated to A DHD AF Plus charity. So enormous thanks to House of Wings and all involved in that amazing day. I also want to say thanks again to all involved in the big A DHD fundraiser. This monumental challenge has raised almost 15,000 pounds for A DHD adult UK and A DHD AF plus charity.

The charity inspired by the work of this podcast for which I am founder and supporter of, but as it stands, all things A-D-H-D-A-F are entirely separate entities. I use the podcast to promote the peer support groups each month of which. This month they are in eight locations, coup in Scotland and six in England, kicking off tomorrow, Tuesday the 2nd of September, and running for the first two weeks of the month.

Please head to the link in the show notes to find out about your local free A-D-H-D-A-F plus charity peer support group to connect and empower A DHD, adults of marginalized genders. Once you're there, you can sign up for email reminders and if there isn't a group local to you yet, you can even apply to volunteer to start your own.

And if you would still like to donate to the big A DHD fundraiser, you can find a link to their brand new website to help Darren hit that 15 K with his solo cycle to Brighton. I hope you've enjoyed this ridiculous chinwag about time blindness and that's. Some of our rambles have resonated. If so, please hit those stars and give it a share.

As all will help raise A DHD awareness and signposts to the charity support groups. The team are getting incredible feedback from group attendees, so I want to get the word out about them so that more A DHD adults can get to go. But also I really, really, really wanna zigazig ADHDAF!