5 Mind-Blowing Phrases to End Any Fight in Seconds – Saved Our Marriage! 5 個讓你腦洞大開的短語，秒殺任何爭執 – 拯救了我們的婚姻！

Welcome to Episode 97 of the Taiwanica Podcast with Anita and Eric! We share five quick tips to resolve arguments fast, based on our relationship experiences. These verbal shifts transform conflicts into opportunities for trust by viewing fights as learning experiences from different perspectives. Catch details on Anita's "Radiant You" class starting September 9th – an 80-minute online session series mixing facial massage with inner confidence to shine from within. 

Join for examples, laughs, and advice. 

Links: https://www.ericandanita.com/event-details/glow for the event; BuyMeACoffee.com/Taiwanica for video versions!

5 Key Takeaways from the Episode

1. Say "I Agree" Strategically: Acknowledge the other person's emotions or frustrations without conceding your point – it builds empathy and de-escalates quickly.
2. Use "I" Statements: Shift from accusatory "you" phrases (e.g., "You always do this") to personal ones (e.g., "I feel tired") to express yourself without attacking.
3. Listen Actively and Reflect Back: Avoid making it all about you; repeat key points from what they said to show you're truly hearing them, fostering recognition and trust.
4. Stay Curious, Not Judgmental: Ask genuine questions like "Why do you feel that way?" instead of judging – it opens up learning about each other's backgrounds and views.
5. Keep an Open Mind: Be ready to receive answers and collaborate on solutions; this turns arguments into opportunities for growth and keeps the relationship fresh.

歡迎來到 Taiwanica Podcast 第 97 集，由 Anita 和 Eric 主持！我們分享五個快速解決爭執的祕訣，基於我們的感情經驗。這些語言轉變將衝突轉為信任，將爭執視為從不同視角學習的機會。了解 Anita 的「Radiant You」課程，從 9 月 9 日開始 – 80 分鐘線上課程，結合臉部按摩與內在自信，從內而外閃耀。加入聽範例、笑聲與建議。

連結：https://www.ericandanita.com/event-details/glow 

活動資訊；BuyMeACoffee.com/Taiwanica 影片版本！

節目中的 5 個關鍵要點

1. 策略性地說「我同意」：承認對方的情緒或挫折，而不放棄你的觀點 – 這能建立同理心並快速緩和局勢。
2. 使用「我」陳述：從指責性的「你」短語（例如，「你總是這樣做」）轉變為個人化的（例如，「我覺得累」），以表達自己而不攻擊他人。
3. 積極傾聽並回饋：避免一切都只談自己；重複他們說的關鍵點，顯示你真正聽進去了，培養認同與信任。
4. 保持好奇，而不是評判：問真誠的問題如「你為什麼這樣覺得？」，而不是評判 – 這能開啟學習彼此背景與觀點的機會。
5. 保持開放的心態：準備好接收答案並共同尋找解決方案；這將爭執轉化為成長機會，並讓關係保持新鮮。

Transcript

Hello, everybody. This is episode 97, talking about five quick tips to solve an argument immediately. Hello, everybody. This is Anita. Another person here. He's another host. His name is Eric. 
What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Taiwanica Podcast. We have a really fun, exciting episode for you today that's going to be talking about ways to make it really easy for you to get out of a fight, which I'm sure if you are listening to this, you've been in a relationship before, and you know what it's like to be in a fight. I think we both know that very well. 
Why are you looking at me like that? 
Well, you know, I love you. You do, though. You are brutal. So the thing about these exercises that we're going to show you is that they're just simple verbal statements that change the way that you are able to start looking at your conversation from a different angle. From what you've done before. You probably have done some of these, honestly, but just think about these exercises as very simple ways for you to open yourself up to the idea that instead of just keep on defending what you think or going on the offense of saying what they said was wrong, you're opening your ideas to saying well maybe you know if I just listen to the other person and show them that I am willing to take on whatever it is that they are trying to share with me, then there's actually a much higher chance that they're also going to trust you more so they will do the things that you actually want you want them to do. So this is something that we have learned in our own relationship and through teaching it to other people and the evidence is just abundant of how great this works, wouldn't you say? Yes, so I was just thinking like argument is actually coming from a it's an outcome of conflict. So it must be something, you know, you are saying one thing the other person is saying the other thing. And you guys are like, come on, I was talking about this one. Why are you talking about that one? So it's like, no, no, no, this is what I'm talking about. So they start to, you know, generate more tension inside the conversation. So conflict is actually very simple. It's just two people in the same situation, but they look at the things from a very different angle. So it's, you know, so it's just they will exaggerate what's their point. So argument is very, very easy to solve, because I believe arguments is one way to learn about each other. 
And sometimes maybe learn about yourself as well. 
Absolutely. Well, wonderful way to explain arguments. So before we dive into the actual content, we have one thing that we want to let everyone know about that's been happening and in the development here at Start Now in Taiwanica is our event that Anita is actually going to be hosting. It's a very exciting event where, to give a little brief view from what I know about it is Anita is basically going to be giving us an introduction on how we can combine outer beauty with inner confidence. And so I'm very interested to know more about this. And I'm sure you are, too. So we're gonna have a brief introduction of that before we dive into today's content. Anita? 
Well, it's just, you know, a lot of people are worrying about what they look like on the outside. 
But it's not just one way. People will always think about, oh, I'm not happy about my face, you know, maybe it's too puffy or whatever other things, situation. And so we go on and buying those, you know, expensive skincare products, so on and so forth. And some people might even take it to the next level, you know, doing some surgery to make them look like the way they want it to look like. But if you really look at this issue, maybe sometimes a deeper root is insight. So that's why I was introducing this class to a very simple method. Everybody can do it with your hands to massage your face with a very simple and natural ingredient, skincare product. And in the class, because each class is 80 minutes, so we definitely have enough time to do massage sessions. And we talk about something that's deeper inside of you. Discover your light. Because that's what we all are. Like, if you think about us, the beauty is light. So the class is called Radiant You. So we are going to discover the inner light and let it shine from within. And then you will look, you know, beautiful. 
Because everybody, it is beautiful. You just have to see it yourself first. 
That's great. So it sounds like to me that essentially the class is targeted towards anybody, but you have a sense of trying to help people who are already doing products on their face to find a more simple way of doing that. And while learning this, you're going to teach some techniques that you have learned yourself about how to make yourself feel internally beautiful at the same time. And so it's kind of like a two bird, one stone class where you're going to improve your mindset of loving yourself while also taking care of your skin. 
Yep. 
Well, it sounds great. Well, when is that starting? 
It starts in September. The class will be on September 9th. 
Yes, September 9th. On Tuesdays. 
And all the classes will be online. So don't worry about, you know, where you are, where your location is. Just, you know, open your computer, log in. You will be able to join the class. 
We'll have more information in the link description down below. So if you want to check that out, that's on our personal website of ericandanita.com forward slash glow. So it's going to be a wonderful event. We hope that you can join us. There's only a few spaces left. We've already had people purchase. So if you want to get in, get in now. There's also a early bird coupon still. I think that's for just a few more days. So if you're hearing this when the podcast episode just came out, definitely grab onto it while you can. All right. So let's go ahead and dive into today's episode. The way it's going to work today is I'm going to do the first three. And then after that, Anita's going to do the last two. So, you know, if you're writing stuff down, make sure you go at rapid speed because I'm going to whip these out real quick. So let's go ahead and we're not whipping anything else out of me. Don't make that face like you want to see something else whip out. All right. Number one. So number one is I agree. Okay. So, you know, this phrase, I agree. What does this mean here? Well, in reality, when you say the word, I agree for most people, when they hear the first thing that comes into their ears, they're thinking, oh, whatever they just said. I'm either on the offense or defense, or I agree with what they just said. So when this is happening inside of your mind, we have to understand that there is a greater goal here beyond what was just said. So let's just say, for example, I said to Anita, I really don't think we should go out today. I'm tired. And then she would say, well, we haven't gone out for the last three days. 
To do the voice. 
Okay. 
Oh, I really appreciate that. 
I thought I was really good at it. 
No, I'm not. 
Okay. My bad. So if you haven't gone out for the last three days, I'm kind of still doing it. My bad. 
But I really want to go out. And so I would say I agree. But what am I agreeing to here? You have to really look at it closely because in reality, I am just agreeing to Anita's frustration. I'm agreeing to Anita's annoyance that it's annoying to stay home for the last three days and not go out. That's what I'm agreeing to. So in the holistic point of view, you can still agree to something, but still hold your point of view that you don't want to do something. So if you start doing this by agreeing to the main goal here and that is to have equality and try to find acceptance between the two points, then the other person who is having this argument with you will quickly understand that you're not trying to just say no to them. You're not trying to shut them down. You're trying to say, hey, I agree with what you want, but I still have this point of view. The other person is going to start seeing it instead of this fight. You're like, oh, okay. So you're not actually mad at me. You're just actually wanting to do your own thing because you're tired. And so I'm getting out of my own head now and I'm able to see exactly what it is that you want instead of just me trying to hold on to what I want. So that's the idea of I agree. 
Right. 
Do you agree? I do. Excellent. 
Because I feel like if I heard someone say I agree, I feel like my feeling was recognized instead of just the other person trying to go and do things in his way and dismiss my feeling. His way. 
What did I say? 
Nothing. Go ahead. 
Dismiss my feeling or my need or everything. So when you say I agree, I was actually coming down and I give me a chance to listen to you as well. 
Absolutely. Well, these are the secrets that we have in our relationship. So hopefully we can still use them after this podcast episode because they're very, very powerful. So let's go ahead and dive into number two. Now, this is something that you will hear in therapy all the time. And that is don't use you statements like you did this to me. It's your fault. I can't believe you did that. Use I statements. 
You know, I feel like this is how it should go. 
I feel hurt. I need you to help me with this. Okay. Using the word I first will help the person understand that you're not attacking. You are just saying, this is me. This is what I'm going through right now. I am not trying to push you in any sort of direction. I'm just saying this is what's going on with me. So let's say, for example, because Anita and I, we have very different personalities and yet we're married. We have a kid together. And the big thing that we usually fight about is the way that we want to spend our free time. Anita loves to go out. Like I just mentioned a minute ago. And I really like to stay home. And so when it's the weekend, there's this feeling of, ooh, well, I guess it's time to do something. So what is it going to be? Eric here wants to stay in the basement and do nothing and watch TV or like do meditation or yoga. And Anita's like, let's go out in the sun. And this is a great thing because she has taught me to get out of the cave and go outside. But sometimes I feel like I really don't want to do that. So I would say to her, honey, I know how you would like to spend the weekend. But I would really like to stay home today because I feel really tired and I would really like to have some privacy or some personal time just with you guys. So instead of saying, on the other hand, I don't want to go. You always want to go out. You always want to go do things. And you want to just like go and spend so much energy and money outside. And you always make me feel tired. You know, same exact conversation, but the other one. 
And immediately. 
Yes. And just might as well pull an axe. Yeah. Just bury you in the basement. 
You want to stay in the basement? Let's bury you in the basement. 
I was going to say an axe, but I guess we're turning that into a shovel. Okay. And I'm just burying myself down the ground. 
To the ground. 
Okay. So that's the idea here. So be honest with how you feel is number two. Say it with eye. Don't say it about the other person because in the end of the day, you don't know what the other person's thinking. You might have an idea because you've been with them a lot of times. But in reality, at that specific moment, you don't know. So don't assume. Because if you assume, it's going to cause you a lot of trouble. Yes. So that's number two. 
Number three. 
No comment about number two. 
Number two is good. 
Okay. Good. We got wife approval, everybody. So on your lady's side, you got this. Okay. So number three, don't make the whole conversation about you straight and simple. Don't keep on talking about I, I, I. If you start using I, don't just keep using it like, seriously, like a machine gun, just going up. Like, it's just like, we don't need to do it like that. Okay. 
Sorry. I feel like you're annoying. 
Okay. Well, thank you for telling me how you feel. I agree. 
Okay. 
But the thing here is when you're talking about yourself, you got to mix it up. You got to make sure that you're listening. Very crucial about what the other person is saying. And a really good tip here is if you're having an argument with somebody and you want to make sure that they feel like you heard them, just simply recognize some of the words that they said. So they tell you something. Let's just say Anita tells me something right 
I feel, I feel like I'm fat. I'm ugly. And look at my hair. They are ridiculous. 
Okay. So you feel fat, ugly, and your hair looks ridiculous. Okay. So just like that right here, I acknowledge the last three things that she said. And, you know, honey, you look great, by the way, and you're not fat. You're so skinny. Please. Everyone who's watching the video, send a million comments on our Instagram telling how skinny she is. Good God. And so in this situation, all I did was repeat back to what she said. I'm listening, but I want her to know that I'm listening. She knows I have ears. She knows that when she says words that they can come into my ears and go into my brain. But the whole point is, is that, am I here or am I in la la land? Yes. Filtering it through and thinking about a football game or, you know, something like that. Instead, for you to say it back, they feel recognized. Most important thing in an argument. Recognition means there's going to be less confrontation and more openness. And then the ultimate goal, trust. So when you start applying these three things, just these three things alone, you'll start to see significant changes. But guess what? We have more. Ania's got two more. 
Yes. So as we mentioned about things about argument as we have our assumptions and we are just trying to let each other hear what we wanted to say. 
Right. That's what we do. And Eric just shared those three things. He actually demonstrates a really good way to establish a safe space for each other to be, to step in instead of just, you know, separate the two, trying to win that argument, try to prove the point, so on and so forth. So the number four tip that is stay curious instead of judging. Because most of the time it's like, what? Why do you want to stay at home? It's like the weather is so good, you know, and you don't want to go out. It's like, why are you so weird? 
You know, everybody was going out during the weekends and it's supposed to be this way. 
You know, I'm, I'm going in my own self, you know, my, my space to thinking about this situation. But instead of saying that you can say, why don't you want to go out? You know, ask questions, stay curious because curious is the way to learn. For everything, right? 
Like, why is, why is the apple falling from the tree, right? And then discover the gravity, you know, I'm just an example. 
So philosophical. 
But, you know, in the relationship, in the relationship, it's the same. 
Like I said, we all grew up in a very, very different family backgrounds, you know, societal settings, whatever. So, but the simple things like this, it can trigger so many different possibilities that you have never seen yourself. Right. So instead of sustaining, you know, the judgy point of view as a curious question is like, oh, I really wanted to know, because just like what Eric said, the fundamental goal here is to trust, to know and to understand. Right. So instead of judgy, judgy, you're just going to stay in your own mind. And if you don't get what you want, you're just going to pound like a little kid without any candy. 
And you just got mad. And what you do, you go out and buy your friends and complain about your husband or your wife. Right. 
It feels great. Don't get me wrong. It feels great. It's just, you know, talking about this, but it didn't solve any problems. 
Number five is you have to stay open-minded. You know, like I said, without judging and then you move to the next one. When you're actually asking a question, it's like, why don't you want to go out? The weather is so nice and it's weekend, you know, and when the other person was telling the story of their version, you have to stay open-minded, right? You ask the question, you also are ready to receive the answer. So that will be the way. So, okay, then you started to get clarity about this situation. Instead of seeing it as your husband saying no to your idea, you might actually find a solution. You know, maybe we can stay home during the daytime. If you think it's too hot outside, maybe you can go on, you know, to a coffee shop. They can, you know, watch night view or something like that. So you actually know about like each other and you actually find the solution. And those solutions are agreements. So the agreements are the way that you guys can move on. And those are sparks, you know, so we usually say like the, in the relationship, but two people are saying for too long, we just kind of like stale the relationship because we didn't give it a chance to teach us new, new things. But this, every time an argument showed up is an opportunity, it's a wonderful, wonderful chance for you to know each other deeper. And on the other hand, it's also like in a different time of your life. They also have different things they wanted to do, right? For example, like when we were younger, we always go out during the nighttime until like, you know, drinking beer or whatever. But now we don't, we both don't want to do it, right? So every stage of your relationship is staying open-minded without judging, stay curious. It's going to be the way to let this relationship thrive. 
It sounds good. So it sounds like step four and step five or yeah, four and five are pretty much intertwined. Yeah. That's good. So if you're not judgmental and you don't have any previous judgments on somebody, then you're capable of seeing new things in a whole new light all the time. I'd say that's a very powerful act of love. 
Right. 
Wouldn't you say? 
Yeah, because I feel like sometimes when we end up in the conversation or an argument is that I always thinking about this way and you always this way. You also feel lonely. Feels like you are the only one who's taking on the responsibility. You know, you're the only one who's taking care of, you know, this kind of situation. But once you give each other a chance to talk about different point of views and right, you are not alone anymore. You are each other helping each other understanding something about us and about ourselves as well. 
Oh, very cool. Well, I think it's a very good way to end today's conversation. So what do you think? Did you think that these five tips were helpful? Definitely give them a try. If you do try them and you found them to be successful and your relationship was improved, you can send us your therapy session, Bill, or you could just like us and give us a five star on Apple podcast. And above all that, check out our information on Instagram. We're always putting up new things over there. Right now we're doing it as individual coaches. If you want to know more about that, check in the link description below. And like I said, if you want to check out the video version of this, if you're listening on any of the podcast channels, we have these secretly available only in one place. And that is on buy me a coffee. Buy is like you buy me because I want coffee. Coffee.com slash Taiwanica. You type that in, you'll find it there. And we have some other secret stuff. If you join as a member, which only costs like I think three bucks, you'll be able to see all the other really personal and very embarrassing stories that we've put on there. So definitely check it out. 
Teacher, teacher. Yes. How many E's in coffee? 
How many E's in coffee? Well, if you need to answer that, then you probably should stop drinking coffee, Anita. 
There are two E's. All right. So. 
Good riser in the question. 
You're welcome. So like, subscribe. We'll see you next time. 
Bye