EP68 Unpacking Financial Anxiety and Trauma: Empowering the Latinx Community with Stephanie Olano

What if understanding your financial anxiety could unlock a healthier relationship with money? Join us as we welcome Stephanie Olano, a trailblazing financial trauma coach from Awkward Money, who sheds light on the silent struggles many face growing up with financial instability. Stephanie shares how the Latinx BIPOC community, in particular, can navigate the emotional currents of financial trauma and anxiety, offering insights into recognizing and overcoming these hidden hurdles.

Stephanie and I dive into the powerful intersection of financial decision-making and mental health, with a spotlight on the Latinx community. We discuss how understanding and naming the emotions tied to financial behaviors can lead to more intentional decision-making. Not to mention the pressure of existing in  capitalist societies where some might feel like outsiders.

Connect with Stephanie Olano:

Website: https://awkwardmoney.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephanieolano/

Instagram: https://instagram.com/awkmoney

Threads: https://www.threads.net/@awkmoney

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC16G1gEZmGUovD8pYbcVbHw

Access Resources Here:

Join the Financial Wellness Circle: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1jfJANO094EiScH_0Lp1fG4OJikUQnAVQhrwMQ2WuJgw/viewform?pli=1&pli=1&edit_requested=true

Trauma-Informed Budgeting:A Path to Financial Healing: https://medium.com/@awkwardmoney/trauma-informed-budgeting-a-path-to-financial-healing-2b8b935c4580

Chapters

• 0:00 Understanding Financial Trauma and Anxiety
• 9:59 Navigating Financial and Identity Challenges
• 22:19 Embracing Financial Empowerment Through Community
• 37:01 Exploring Financial Wellness Together

Transcript

Violeta: 0:00

Hola, hola, welcome to another episode of the Money Chisme podcast. And for those who grew up in either like a low income home or maybe just an unstable financial background, those effects stick with us and can impact us today in how we make like money decisions or how we deal with our finances money decisions or how we deal with our finances and in order to move forward from that, we have to first recognize it and learn how to overcome it and deal with our financial traumas. And with me today is Stephanie Olano from Awkward Money, who is a financial trauma coach, to have this important conversation about financial trauma. So, hola, stephanie, thank you so much for being here with me today. Yeah, thanks for having me. Yeah, so I guess we could get started with, first of all, what is a financial trauma coach and what do they do?

Stephanie: 1:02

Yeah, so it's definitely a term I made up, mainly because I wanted it to be as blunt as I am. I wanted to have it explain that this is just what I do. I saw in the community, especially in the Latinx BIPOC community, that so many of us were struggling with this concept called financial trauma, and my day job is as a mental health therapist who is also trauma informed. So I got so tired of saying the same thing I don't know how to help you, or I don't know how to communicate that, or I don't know how to process that but I do know about trauma and I definitely know about anxiety. So it was just a matter of finding the right terminology and the right verbiage.

Stephanie: 1:42

So I've been on the hunt for the last two years figuring out like what is financial trauma, what is financial anxiety, and how do I like guide people and teach it in a way that's just more digestible or just more manageable for us in the community? And basically it's just this concept of I have certain opinions or certain views or certain beliefs about money. Maybe it comes from my experiences when I was younger, when I was being brought up, but for some reason I get very nervous or I stop in my tracks almost, and it's almost what I would see when someone is dealing with a panic attack or maybe they're feeling very overwhelmed. In what I would see in a lot of my anxious clients, which is I feel like there's something chasing me. I feel like the tiger is just waiting for me to lower my defenses and that's when it'll pounce. But it's all for money.

Violeta: 2:37

That's me. That's me.

Violeta: 2:38

I have financial anxiety and everything, and you know what it is something that like is getting recognized now and so we are having to come up with like terms and ways to like, uh, help overcome them and address these issues.

Violeta: 2:55

Because, yeah, we know about like general trauma, like the big ones, and you hear about it is like in, oh, go to to therapy and everything. But, yeah, financial anxiety and financial trauma has some unique things and especially coming with us. We don't think about it as much, we just think about the big main things. If we unfortunately went through like a traumatic event or whatever but finances is also traumatic, especially like how I was saying earlier, with the coming up with low income or just unstable financial backgrounds and like just having that anxiety, and so you kind of like already started diving into it. We could recognize that, because I didn't start recognizing it until probably maybe a year ago, but I didn't, like you said, I didn't know a term for it. I was just like, ok, I have these reservations when I have to deal with money and so I want to go over that like how to recognize that.

Stephanie: 4:02

Yeah. So the one key thing I notice is maybe we go into avoidance a little too often. When we're opening that bill, whenever we have to talk about money, or like you could have a very extroverted, like very confident person, but when it comes to money they're like I'm going to go into shutdown mode, I can't handle this, or this is too much, and they wilt like a wallflower and it's just not like them. Or the other side of it is like I am so uncomfortable and I'm so overstimulated that I don't care that I have like a thousand dollars on my credit card in debt. I just have to spend another 500 at Target because that's what's going to regulate me. So something in them is just driving them to make these decisions, and it could be partially conscious, but typically they just go into like the survival mode and they make these decisions that are just so contrary to what they want to be doing right now.

Violeta: 4:55

Yeah, I definitely felt that and I definitely dealt with the avoidance part. And then it was weird because one day I'll avoid it and then next thing is I go into a hyperactive mode and it's like, oh god, now I gotta figure out what to pay it off. And it's just, it was like a cycle if I spent too much or whatever, I just like didn't look, it's like whatever it's, I'm this, I'm not, I'm just gonna not act like it didn't happen and then next paycheck then I'll pull back too much or whatever. So it was always kind of like two extremes and I couldn't figure it out. And so I started learning how to deal with that and how to recognize that, and it started thinking about like how that ended up developing. And so I want to ask you is like, how was your, I guess, journey, your background, your money background, with your relationship with money, and did you have to deal with this financial trauma and anxiety?

Stephanie: 5:57

Yeah, it came up more when I was starting my own private practice. At that point I thought I would say I'm really responsible with money. But for the first time in my life I had to get comfortable with the idea like I have to spend money, I have to invest in me, I have to pay these monthly bills on top of like my typical rent utilities. And for the first time it was like again because I was just a saver, I got really uncomfortable just spending this amount of money and it wasn't like extravagant expenses. I was having a hard time Like why do I have to spend $30 on an EHR program? Can I just do this in.

Stephanie: 6:31

Google I was trying to find ways to not spend it and I was yeah, and I was just like, and everyone kept telling me, like you have to level up, like eventually you have to like invest in systems that will just make your job easier yeah, yeah and do you like?

Violeta: 6:47

do you? Yeah, yeah, it was in it like, at least for me it stemmed from, I guess, like from definitely from the childhood, right, because everything like I know it came from my parents. It's like why do that?

Violeta: 7:02

I could just do that myself, or whatever and so then I grew up with that mentality and especially being like first gen and then the oldest dogs, things start to pile up and then ended up growing up I could just do it. I could just do it myself, I could, I'm smart enough, I could figure this out, or whatever YouTube, university or whatever right. So do you feel like some of those things were some of the source of your financial anxiety?

Stephanie: 7:28

yeah, because I knew and again, I went down my own money journey. I went through my own financial coach and, as much as I love her and we're still like in communicato, like to this day we never really got to the core of what the trauma was because, again, like they weren't a mental health therapist and discussing like trauma narrative is very different than what you would find in like a typical financial coach. This person we were able to discuss like my money story and what happened a little bit like when I was young, but not to the depth that I would normally have with some of my clients, and I just felt like as much as that person really gave me the tools I needed to make really practical decisions and build that confidence. And, yes, this is a necessary purchase, like I am allowed to make my life easier and figure out like systems that will make my clients and me just happier.

Stephanie: 8:20

That missing piece of like why am I so anxious when it comes to spending this money? That was the question. I just didn't really have a chance to go further in and I noticed like with a lot of my other clients and talking to other financial coaches is, yes, I want to have those conversations too, but I don't know how and I don't know where to start. It was the comeback I would normally hear. So, yes, when it comes to my own financial journey, I did for the first time, have to face like why am I so obsessed with saving? Because saving like, ask anyone. Of course you want to save money.

Stephanie: 8:50

That's the most adult thing you can do, right, but I was saving to the degree of can I just not part with any money and I would even call myself, like I feel like such a dragon lady, like I would hoard the money I would find like this pot of gold and I didn't want anyone to share.

Stephanie: 9:07

Like I would share, no problem, but I just didn't want to spend on myself and parting with that money was just so dysregulating to me. Yeah, so that was the piece that I'm like man, I need to have my own therapist figure this out with me, because this goes far beyond than just budgeting and being like a good saver. This is like really deep seated, like I just can not fathom grieving this money versus like actually spending the money, like that's how I was thinking of it.

Violeta: 9:35

You know what? That's true. I can look back and think of the times that I felt guilty, that I was spending money on something because I'm like, okay, you have to save or whatever, but not understanding why. And I'm actually glad that you pinpointed a little bit of the gap because you have mental health. But you go look for these financial coaches and that's where some of it is lacking. And one of the things I'm becoming aware is you do have to start going into that part of figuring out the why of why somebody is doing or making these financial decisions that are hurting them or whatever.

Violeta: 10:22

And a lot of people in the finance space they don't bring that up. All they do is like guilt. You like, oh, why'd you run up your credit card so high? You're a bad person or whatever. And they're not understanding the why. They're not addressing the issue, which is perfect because you're like merging both of them, because, yes, you have to learn how to do finances, but part of that is understanding yourself and how you view money and what you're dealing with, and understanding why you're making your decisions, basically. And so how did you start, I guess, shifting your mindset once you figured this out?

Stephanie: 11:08

And this is how I start with all of my clients as well. So it's not just me, it's everyone I talk to. You have to name it. I had to name what was the trauma like what, and for me it was difficult because it's not necessarily like a visceral memory I could point to, but it was definitely a feeling I know my body remembers like I don't like this feeling, we don't like this. What are you? Why are you trying to constantly make us face this or sit with the discomfort of this feeling? But again, mental health, like we should be able to process feelings. So this just goes to show like therapists are human. Even though I've been doing this for almost a decade now, we still have our moments where this is so much for our nervous system. I need to find a way to protect it and that's why we go into avoidance, that's why we go into extremes.

Stephanie: 11:54

So maybe we do the impulse spending because, again, I'm just trying to find that safety. But the moment I can point like again, point to it and be like, ah, that's what it is, I know I'm doing this because it's probably sadness, or I know I'm doing this because I'm really overwhelmed, like what? Whatever the feeling is, I can start to claim it a little bit more and I own it like I'm accountable to it. I'm not going into this automatic thing of like now I'm just trying to find every way to respond and react. Now it's okay. How do I do this more intentionally?

Violeta: 12:24

Yes, yeah, definitely, with some of the things that I had to learn how to do. I definitely had to. Really, that was one of the things.

Violeta: 12:34

Going into a therapy for anxiety and all that stuff is that was the hardest part was really diving and naming it and learning how to understand that feeling in your body, because once I started diving into it and kind of learning the signs and everything like that, I was able to recognize it faster and it has helped me so much now that, and just in general anxiety as well, is I start recognizing the signs in my body and I'm able to start taking action faster and calm myself down or whatever. And same thing with the financial anxiety. You start realizing of like when, for example, you that you were, like should I invest this money in this course or coaching or whatever it may have been, and you start feeling that like guilt start rising up and whatever your body is feeling, and then you can start the process of talking your way through your anxiety. And that's one of the key things that I had to learn and I'm glad that it's starting to come up and starting to merge a little bit, because it does take both of them for sure.

Stephanie: 13:57

Yeah, and as much as I I wholeheartedly believe that feelings are valid feelings, don't always know what's going on. Like feelings sometimes, like maybe they're reacting to something that happened 20 years ago or something that happened two weeks ago, Like sometimes that happens, or sometimes there's something in the environment that's like really triggering your mind and your body and it's just kind of putting puzzle pieces together, but the puzzle pieces are really fuzzy. So this is where we have to start checking in and saying like wait, wait, wait. Is there something really overwhelming in my environment? Is there something that I can do immediately to get myself to safety, or is this something that I just have to reflect on and remind myself? That's not real. That is my thoughts. I'm separate from my thoughts, my feelings. I know that you're real, but you're also not whole. You're not truly accurate right now. Like your information is just just needs some updating. Yeah, but that requires again that intentionality and slowing down.

Stephanie: 14:53

Cause again if we're so used to reacting and just going into autopilot. Yeah, we're always going to assume it's a hundred percent accurate, but nothing's ever a hundred percent accurate.

Violeta: 15:02

Yeah, and and what now that you're starting to become? Oh, I've not. I guess I didn't ask how long you you've been now doing it as a financial trauma coach, but in the time that you began and started addressing this issue, what things have you been seeing in our community? That is kind of common.

Stephanie: 15:25

Okay, so, given that we're both Latinx Latinas in this community living in the Western part of the world that has colonized us, and we live in capitalism and we are probably both from a work culture that really worships productivity, those things any one of those things I just named off is very detrimental in our community. But part of it is that we don't know that it's detrimental, because a lot of us come from working class families and we are pushed into environments that say this is what's going to help you make that generational wealth or just make things better for your family. But no one ever really prepares us for like things like microaggressions or huh, I'm the only one that looks like me in the room. I really don't feel like I belong, but I'm supposed to be here Like I feel like I'm. Everyone else is not struggling Like what's going on. So we start to make our own like narrative that maybe I just don't belong or maybe I'm not good enough, and that leads to something that was very popular a few years back which is imposter syndrome.

Stephanie: 16:39

What I'm finding is like we don't really struggle with imposter syndrome. It's really just that we're alone, is like we don't really struggle with imposter syndrome. It's really just that we're alone and, yes, no one. If we're not seeing our own faces or our own representation in any part of the building, we're gonna feel like okay, something just must be off, like maybe unconsciously, like everyone is telling me like no, you really don't belong here. But I blame that on me.

Violeta: 17:00

I blame that that's, that's a me thing, it's not a environmental thing you know what, like, you just brought up something that probably I'll go into a rap. But that's true because I think we were just naming everything like imposter syndrome but not really understanding like why were we really getting these feelings? Because, as you were explaining the imposter syndrome, which is actually well, it's actually like a representation, and that just starts messing with our confidence. And it is true because I got flashbacks while you were explaining that and it's like I do remember because I used to have a good confidence of that. I was smart and everything like that. Especially my parents were good with making sure that they told me these things and pushed me and everything like that. So I would think I had pretty a decent confidence in myself and my abilities and everything like that.

Violeta: 18:03

But I lost that towards once I started being in these spaces and even now I work on trying to reframe that mind because I am in my office. I how many are? Us are probably like 15 to 20 people roughly, and I'm like the second woman and the other one she's always gone, so now it's just me, like myself, and we are pretty, I will say our, our department's pretty diverse, but they're still all male and so I'm like who do I talk to? Because I can't, like I don't want to talk about sports or like stuff. I don't know what to talk to. And but because of that, I do remember starting to have this doubt in myself of like maybe I'm not sparring enough for the career that I'm in, and it started messing with my head a little bit and seeing all less people, less women and stuff. And eventually I met one of my friends and then that confidence started to come back up and everything and it's like no, I am smart, they just won the microaggressions.

Violeta: 19:15

They didn't take my ideas or anything like that. They were just like okay, whatever, and too, yeah, you don't see representation. So that starts missing with your head, like you said. So I'm glad that we're changing the narrative a little bit, because now, hearing the new reasons, it does make sense, because, no, I don't think we're like imposters, it's just we've lost the confidence in ourselves because of our environment. So, yeah, I'm glad, yeah, and so that's kind of-. Yeah, I'm glad Renaming things. And it's because of people like you that are coming into these spaces and actually reassessing the actual things that we deal with and being like you know what that's actually that we're going to actually start addressing these issues and actually pinpointing so we can figure out how to move forward. And so, with that, how do you feel that dealing with our environment that caused us the formerly known as imposter syndrome has affected us in the finances?

Stephanie: 20:41

syndrome has affected us in the finances. Yeah, so this is where we I would normally have a conversation about just capitalism in general. Again, I I'm in california. I'm in a part of the part of california called bay area, silicon valley, and here it's not just a matter of like consumerism, it's also a matter of who has the most. Data is like the new currency. So anytime I'm buying like a product, especially like one of those big chain stores Target, amazon I have to consciously know okay, there's going to be some type of entity collecting my data.

Stephanie: 21:14

Yeah, right, right. So because of that, there's this constant negotiation of okay, do I really want to participate in capitalism Because it's not looking out for me? This information is being sold to other businesses that I don't even know what the hell they're doing with it. So, when it comes to that, there's this entity or there's this notion of our people do not thrive, we're not supposed to be in capitalism. This is not the system we would have consciously said yes, I volunteer as tribute, this is not the system that I want to be born into, right, but this is where we're at.

Stephanie: 21:48

Yeah, Knowing that and understanding that, yes, there's no, like even hippies who live off the grid, like they still have to participate in some notion or some understanding of capitalism. I can at least find some balance of okay, this is obviously typical American consumerism, but there's also a subset of within my own community, within my support system, where I can at least go back to some type of collectivist mindset, some type of importance of. We don't have to just talk about money, we don't have to just talk about the way that it's used out there, money is a tool here. Money opens doors. Money is an opportunity. Money is not a power grab.

Violeta: 22:34

Yeah, yeah, and for a lot of us that's really hard because we have only been shown money can do so much harm yeah, yeah, that's true with the whole, money is the root of evil and everything like that, and we're taught all these things that's like. But we can use money to do better and that's one of I forgot I can't think of the quote directly right now. Oh, it was kind of like something like don't just make money, make a difference as well. And that's my, I guess, guiding like north star or whatever, and because I'm trying to build wealth and everything like that. But I also want to use it for good and understand that we got to use it at some point.

Violeta: 23:23

And I think, with our community tends to view money that way sometimes and our kind of resistance, I will get the like oh, you know why you want to be rich? Money is bad, blah, blah, blah. You just need enough for this. I was like, yeah, but that type of mindset has kept our community out of a lot of important spaces. In order to like make change in our communities with like little things, with housing and everything like that, and so we unfortunately, it's we, like you said we have to participate in capitalism, with me as a real estate investor, that I have to participate in capitalism with some of that. But I can choose how I do it. I don't have to squeeze every penny out of a tenant or whatever or put them in like some crappy property because I am too cheap to fix something for them, because I want to make every profit possible out of them.

Violeta: 24:27

But, a matter of fact, I had an interview I don't know when I'll post it, but in one of them, another real estate investor. She is building affordable housing and is actually working with the city and figuring out a type of relationship to build more affordable housing and stuff like that. So I know another Latina too. She's a builder and so we can participate in capitalism but also use it for good and start making a difference. But still, some of that financial anxiety stops a lot of people from trying I see it with me trying to promote real estate investing in our community. But that anxiety of what if I lose money or what if this happens, what if that happens? And it's like, yeah, I'm not going to say that it can't happen, but there's some steps that you can do to reduce your risk, and same with investing in stocks or basically anything with finances. So what is like, I guess, some of your tips or advice for someone that is dealing with that financial anxiety that is preventing them from taking a step towards financial stability or even financial freedom.

Stephanie: 25:44

Yeah, I think what stems from that is we don't have again, with the lack of representation, we don't see a lot of folks who are saying, like I did it and I made it. You can probably with your colleagues in who are, who also work in your office, like they can point to, like, yeah, my family's been doing real estate for many years and of course we would go into this work because it's lucrative and it does more than just pay the bills. But we also see it time and time again we make money, whereas in our communities it's like we will take a chance because, again, we don't have a model, for we can't point to someone and be like they made it, I can make it too. Yeah, the only reason I'm able to somewhat see success is because my whole family is like actually real estate agents. I'm the only one that doesn't have a real estate license. I was proud of that when I was young, but no, I was actually telling my assistant this earlier. Instead of doing summer internships, my family went to get real estate licenses and that was like one of their first jobs Because, again, like, my mom got her license in the 80s and that was just, that was something we did, she did it. We could do it too.

Stephanie: 26:49

But if I was starting from a place of, none of us can be real estate agents, I don't know what that looks like, especially someone that looks like me or sounds like me, like, why would I even try? I don't know what that looks like, especially someone that looks like me or sounds like me, like, why would I even try? But the moment that we can start seeing ourselves and if we don't see ourselves, whether it's in our community, then we have to start imagining or placing ourselves in that role. The part of the reason I went into this financial trauma journey is because I didn't see the person I needed when I was on this path. So why not me? Why not take a chance and be the person and create the path myself?

Stephanie: 27:26

Our people have been able to do that many generations. That's why a lot of us came to this country. We did not have a set path. No one was guiding us, telling us oh yeah, go to four-year, get the job, get the internship. There is no clear path. A lot of us had to make it up as we went along. Yeah, so why not do it again, just with money?

Violeta: 27:47

yeah, yeah, I do feel like we got a boost, think it was like 2016, 2017. And as I'm like trying to find resources and books and all that stuff to start reading, I didn't see the representation, but in the last couple of years we've seen like a boom and I'm enjoying this momentum that we're getting. It's like motivating our communities because they're seeing people like us out here building wealth, investing or whatever it may be in the finance space, with dealing with money and normalizing a little bit more. And I'm really enjoying the direction that we're going now that with social media and everything like that, we are seeing so much representation. I have like books back here of Latina women that have Latinx, of their books that they've written, and just reading them is like I could relate to it and makes it like less. I feel less.

Violeta: 28:59

I feel more confidence, I guess now because I've seen other people like getting success and that's what we need, even in like our personal lives at home and everything. Uh, we're doing that as well. So, like with my family, like they rely on me with setting everything. Like with the house that we're building my mom's they bought the next to mine but they're gonna wait till I'm done building and everything they're like. Well, we gotta see what first you. And because it's true, they don't know anybody else that has built a house or anything like that. So we rely on each other and when we don't see it, it really messes up our confidence, I guess. Just wanted to rant about that a little bit.

Stephanie: 29:46

No, no, and again that that goes back to the idea like we thrive in when we're doing this together in community, in a collectivist society. That's our, our natural habitat, not capitalism that strives like you have to do it on your own, like self-made man, pick yourself up by the bootstraps. That is not a human way to do this, but it's praised here. That's when we point to someone who is like a billionaire or millionaire, it's like, yeah, they did it and they didn't have any help, which is not true.

Stephanie: 30:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah just look at Bill Gates like he is considered king in where I am. But he had a lot of help when he got lucky, especially in high school. But not everyone knows that story. They just hear the stories of he built this in his garage.

Violeta: 30:31

He built the first computer that way and it's like no, that's not totally accurate yeah, my favorite one too is the one where they'll say like, oh god, the the men that like have a family.

Violeta: 30:44

I was able to do this with five kids, or whatever. It's like, yeah, but you also had your wife doing all that. I know you weren't there and there might be some outliers, of course, but the majority and I see it in in like pretty much every job is like they always had the wife in the back taking care of the kids, so like they're not having to miss work because of appointments or having to lose sleep because they have to take care of the kid or whatever be stressed out. They get to just really focus all their energy into for their career and be able to make meetings, whereas a woman would miss a meeting probably because they had to, the kid got sick or whatever. So it's always that. So things like that also just piss me off when I see these self-made people that just say I didn't get no help or I was able to do this. Why couldn't you? Or whatever.

Stephanie: 31:40

Slow your roll. Increase the lens. You had help. You didn't change your own diapers when you were that young. There was someone there at some point, yeah exactly so yeah, I can't with these people.

Violeta: 31:56

I think that they didn't have not one person help you Come on throughout you knew somebody and so like, yeah, we see that, and you talked a little bit of our kind of cultural backgrounds most of the time comes with a collective culture and dealing with that at home. And you know, with my family back in Mexico and seeing that I really had a hard time growing up with dealing with the individualistic culture over here and especially with finances over here. It's like don't let nobody borrow money, don't do this, don't sign this for anybody, or whatever.

Violeta: 32:38

And but then at home my parents helped me, my parents and helped my sister, and they help each other and with my aunt in Mexico she helps a lot of my cousins and her sisters and whatever. And it's just like everybody kind of like comes together for whoever needs help at that time. And so that kind of created some anxiety in itself too and a little bit of I guess a little bit of trauma, because am I doing the right thing? Am I a bad person? Because over here I'm trying to like adapt with the individualistic culture, but then I feel like an asshole. I don't want to help out my mom, or at that time I would see her send money to Mexico and everything like that.

Violeta: 33:28

And when I was younger I was like why this? And that they need to figure it out themselves and the whole like I fell into that trap, the whole. Pull yourself up when I was younger and I was like and it took some time and some healing to overcome that and realize that I was just being a jerk at that time. And so do you see that, with your clients having to like balance that too, oh, yeah.

Stephanie: 33:53

So there's this phrase called like third culture individuals or third culture kids, which I prefer. It's basically where a lot of us again, if our parents came here, maybe we came really young or maybe we're born here we're having to navigate three cultures. It's our parents' culture my family is from Nicaragua and El Salvador, so having to navigate that for me and then navigating American culture, which again is very contrary sometimes to maybe where our family originally is originally from, and then somewhere kind of out there is like maybe the culture you and your friends create together. So for me it was a combination of Bay Area kids but also multi-ethnic kids, cause I had friends from all over. Like my neighborhood alone was full of Asian Americans, filipinos, palestinians, like that was just normal to me. So when I moved to a place, especially for college, that didn't have that much diversity, I found it really weird. You know, I was like wait, they're outside of my little microcosm utopia. There are places that don't have ethnic food or ethnic food. What is happening?

Stephanie: 35:02

but again, like that, that was my third culture, like it was all these other cultures culminate, combining and making our own thing, and because we had the internet, we can go even further than what is beyond our 10 block radius you know, but again, because I'm navigating all of these circles and I'm still trying to stay true, to like why my family came here, what my family's trying to teach me, it always, sometimes it mixed well, sometimes it didn't and that leads to a lot of stress and a lot of confusion. That's why you have kids saying or folks saying, oh, you're not brown enough, or you're eres gringa is the my favorite phrase of all time or you're not really from Nicaragua or El Salvador, you're from America.

Violeta: 35:45

But it's not that simple because even typical Americans, they wouldn't necessarily call me American yeah, we're whatever slash American or the tech American, it's like we're not considered American and so, yeah, dealing with that was rough and it's still some stuff that I have to overcome and kind of address. And just on this journey of getting that back, because having to acclimate and all that stuff, like I feel like I lost a lot of myself. And it's the same thing with the finances and how you learn how to deal with your finances and how we were talking about a little bit earlier. You lose yourself trying to balance or just lean towards the climate that's over here with finances and all the stuff that you get told about how bad you are because you went and got a cup of coffee in the mornings or whatever. Like that was going to make you a millionaire tomorrow yeah, I'm sorry.

Stephanie: 36:49

Like just trying to make coffee at home is not going to help you buy a house a real estate agent like. That is not the way to buy the house yeah, there there was actually.

Violeta: 36:58

Oh man, maybe if I find it I'll link it down too. And I found it on YouTube and I forgot who did it, but I'll have to google it. And someone did make that breakdown of if you're five dollar, a cup of coffee like you would have made maybe like whatever 10k out of those 30 years or something.

Violeta: 37:17

I forgot what the number was but like when you yeah, yeah, yeah, like whoop-dee freaking do in 30 years, yay, you saved those five dollars to make whatever, right? So I forgot, like you know, like the actual numbers, but it was so low once you, like you know, zoomed out of what actually would happen if you save those five dollars, versus like those 30 years. You just lost that joy of your cup of coffee. That would make you more productive or whatever. And I really enjoyed that video because I'm a numbers person, so really enjoyed that, so maybe I'll post it if I find it.

Violeta: 37:58

But, yeah, like all these things just having to learn about and learn yourself and figure out how this is affecting you, it's a real game changer and that's what you need to start moving forward and overcoming these things that may be stopping you from in your financial freedom journey or wealth building or whatever your goal may be.

Violeta: 38:22

Because that's another shift that we were in the mindset because of how our culture is like we're pushing for success and all this stuff, so naturally it's like, okay, we grow up, education, get our degree, get a nice corporate job, then the next thing is we got to build wealth and become rich and everything like that. But now I'm seeing the shift too, and in myself as well that you know what? I don't need to be like a multi-millionaire. I just, I just need to be chilling. I just need a enough to not have to worry about working and have enough for my kids' future. I just need enough to be sitting in the backyard, gardening or whatever I may decide to do. So that's another shift that I'm seeing, that we're starting to overcome, as we overcome these financial traumas that we're starting to realize actually we don't need to fall into this trap of like that we need to be super rich yeah, and I think what a lot of people assume about, like, when you're managing your finances, you're just trying to go on this money journey it.

Stephanie: 39:37

It doesn't always mean, like you, you want to be rich, like it doesn't have to be that, that far-fetched or that lofty, it could just be. I want to make sure, when it comes to my money, it's aligned with my core values, cause sometimes, like folks don't even have goals, like they're so dysregulated or so out of sorts, like trying to understand or figure out a goal is just too much for them. But at least they can have an understanding. Like, when I spend money, is it going to the right companies? Is it going to the places I want it to go in my community? That could definitely be the core value.

Stephanie: 40:09

But if that too is too much, then maybe we can have a conversation on how do you want to feel when you're dealing with your money? Do you want to be more at peace? Do you want to be somewhat more calm? Do you want this money to make you happy? Guess what? It's not the money, it's not the number in the bank account, it's probably the experiences or those opportunities that we were talking about earlier. But either way like whether it's a feeling, whether it's a value or an actual goal, it all has to come from. How is this going to live in my body? And until we get to the core of that, like any goal, any small or big, it's just not going to happen. Until we have that understanding about ourselves, yeah, yeah, that's true.

Violeta: 40:56

I do had to understand that as well. Like how's it making me feel if, in future, me, you, I build a business just trying to like nickel and dime everybody or have my tenants struggling to pay their rent? Because when I first started with my duplexes, like the property manager like went aimed super high and I was like I don't, like I don't like how that made me feel I do not like that. Just because you think the market is like that, I really don't need that much, because the mortgages on those properties are actually just way lower. Like I don't need that much because the mortgages on those properties are actually just way lower. Like I don't need that much. So, even with things like that, just addressing how is it going to make me feel, was, you're right? That's something that I've already had to start doing. So, yeah, you do.

Violeta: 41:51

Financial trauma coaching and with that, like how can they reach you, how can they work with you and with?

Stephanie: 41:59

that like, how can they reach you, how can they work with you? Yeah, so I am actually doing a couple things and it's experimenting. I'm offering a free group with the Lina Latina platform. I have a circle there called financial wellness and I plan to just have us all meet on zoom, kind of like this and if you want to pay bills, if you want to like talk to folks about, hey, I want to manifest this and I really want to talk about my financial goal or man, I'm just really having a hard time paying this bill or opening the bill, we will support each other in that, like we. If you need help and like more encouragement and opening that bill, we'll do that with you.

Stephanie: 42:37

Yeah, I have a service called the money safety plan. So this is just an introduction into what I do and really get to the core of like why aren't you able to figure out, like, your money goals or your money core values? You can have a sit down with me for about two hours and just kind of figure out, like, what do you want to do? What is really stopping? What are the real setbacks? Because generally it's not financial literacy. I think because of google and tiktok, like we have a better understanding of how to budget and how to manage our finance finances than any era before. But now we're getting to the core of like why can't I just sit down and just do the thing?

Violeta: 43:16

and the money safety plan is really that conversation of what the hell is going on yeah, yeah, that's definitely true that I think we've moved past the financial literacy portion of it, because we're at a point where we kind of know like, okay, we got to do something, so budgeting all that stuff. So now it's like addressing the core issue of what, and it's important I'm glad that you're offering that service where it's just we're just going to talk about the why or what you're feeling, because, especially like me or like our community, we're just like on the go, go, go. It's like and I've actually started last year really just sitting down and like reflecting and getting to know myself because it's just been a constant of just like, okay, I gotta go to school, all right, cool, I'm going to my classes, I'm getting this degree that I found that I don't really like, but you know what, it's going to give me a good career. And then now I'm in the career and then now I gotta chase the promotions and everything like that. Okay, now I gotta do something with my money. And so it's just been a constant just like go, go, go, what's next, what's next, what's next?

Violeta: 44:30

That I've never and I do recognize that that I had things going on. It's like why am I feeling this way? But I never stopped to ask myself that question. It's like, why do I feel resistance towards some things? And even now, with some of the things I'm dealing with now with my next property, that I'm feeling some resistance in it. I'm sitting and thinking it's like, okay, what is like the fear that I'm feeling some resistance and I'm sitting and thinking it's like, okay, what is like the fear that I'm having or why am I resisting of taking that leap to the third property? And that's an important thing, and I'm glad that you're providing that service so that way we stop and just take that time to reflect and assess ourselves. Yeah, yeah.

Stephanie: 45:20

Yeah, and if people want like a preview to that, like they can sign up for my newsletter. It is free and they can get a copy of my financial wellness ebook and it actually has a few exercises, a few grounding techniques that you could start doing when you're trying to budget or trying to go over your finances, and it's just.

Stephanie: 45:44

I try to make it as simple as possible, I think it's less than 10 pages and ebook is like really big font for all my neurodivergent, dyslexic folk out there. Just know it's not that scary. It can actually. It's like a quick read but it really does help introduce this idea of you don't have to make finances a crisis. You don't have to make finances a crisis. You don't have to go until this automatic fight or flight mode. But if you do, here are just some tools and resources you could be using the links for that. You can check out my Instagram. It's at awkmoney. A-w-k money. Awkward money was taken, unfortunately, but for all my elder millennials, awk is actually short. It's short internet slang for awkward.

Violeta: 46:20

So yeah, there's that and my website is awkwardmoneycom nice and I'll make sure to have all those links down below. But, yeah, thank you so much for coming on here and having this very important conversation of, and changing kind of our mindset of some of the things that we were, we were being taught and now we're changing a new path, we're paving a new path, with financial trauma, coaching and all that stuff emerging, kind of those things.

Stephanie: 46:51

So, yeah, thank you for for being here yeah, like I said, thanks for having me and I'm excited that this information is out there. So thanks for creating this platform here.

Violeta: 47:01

Yeah, thank you. Well, other than that, that's it for this episode. I will see everyone in the next one. Bye.