Bestie or Biggest Hater?

Friendships can be beautiful… but also confusing 😅

In this episode, we’re diving into the situations nobody really talks about, answering your questions, sharing advice, and unpacking the messy side of friendships.

This one feels like girl talk with your best friend 💌

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello love, happy Friday. I hope you guys are doing amazing. Happy Friday. I'm recording this on Thursday. I hope that you guys are having an amazing day today. Whether you're going on a walk, you're getting ready for work, or just getting ready for the weekend, for the busyness, if you're at work, whatever you're doing right now, thank you for listening. I appreciate you so much. Like the fact that you're taking the time of your day, of your valuable time to listen to my podcast means the world to me. Thank you so much. I just love doing this so much, you guys already know. Um, but how's your guys' week going? It is World Cup week. My family is like a soccer family, but I'm I'm just here for the vibe, so that's why I'm wearing this shirt. Honestly, I just saw it online when I was doing some online shopping, and I was like, this is actually really cute. I didn't even know that the first game was gonna be with Mexico. Well, I kind of had heard, and I'm assuming that's why they were selling them, but anyways, that's why I got it. I just thought this shirt was so cute. I got it from Tilly's or Paxen. I was shopping for my daughter and I found it and I was like, I'm gonna order it because I just think it's so cute. I ordered I did an online order the other day. I just feel like I needed like I decluttered my closet so much, and I was like, I'm just I don't have any basics right now, like any, like I feel like I've already worn what I have a lot of times, and I was just sick of it. I'm like, okay, I need to place a new order. And you guys, Princess Polly has so much cute stuff. I got so much really cute stuff from there. I bought these really cute like trousers, but low rise. Oh, they're so cute. I got some jeans, like some white jeans, but like loose and tight from the waist, but like loose from everywhere else. Just so cute. What else did I get? I got this, like you know those little ponchos that used to be really popular back then, like just like I just love them. What else? I think that's pretty much it. It was like a few basic things that I got that are just so cute. I also have been a lot into super basic like shirts like this, but white and black. So I ordered some of those, and they just go with everything, like you can dress them down, dress up, night out, fancy, work, professional, like you could do so much. I even wear them for the gym with like shorts, wide leggings. Like, I feel like yeah, you're gonna be sick of me um wearing those. But what else is new? Yeah, so today is the last day of school for my kids, so I'm getting an episode in really early in the morning. It's currently 9 a.m. So if I look fluffy, puffy, it's because I woke up earlier and it's morning, but yeah, I actually don't mind uh recording in the morning. I just hope I don't look too puffy. Today is the last day of school for my kids. I'm excited, I cannot believe how big they're getting. My daughter's gonna go into fourth grade, you guys. Like, I can't, she's gonna be 10. Like, I don't know where time went. Like, I can't believe it's June. Like, what do you mean it's already the middle of the year? Almost done with June. I I don't know. I feel like when we get older, just time goes by so fast. And I feel like in real estate too, because we work like by months, just the time goes by so different. Like, I remember when I wasn't in real estate and the days just felt longer. I don't know if it's because I'm in real estate or if it's just because I'm getting older. Like, what is it? I don't know, but yeah, today's the last day of school. I'm just gonna hang out. I'm gonna go to the office just for a few hours right after this, and then my kids get out early, so I'm gonna just come home and probably just have like a little pizza party and have the kids play outside so they can just celebrate the last day of school. I always like to do like little things to just like core memories, you know, when they get older. So, yeah, you guys, I had the craziest week, let me tell you, talking about the my week. I did really good with the gym, you guys. I feel like I like to keep you guys updated on like my gym journey because it's just fun, it's like a way of me motivating myself to keep doing it and keep going. I locked in on my meal preps all week. I can't believe it's already Thursday, and I've been following my meal plan. Like, the only thing I cheat with and I think I'm just not ready to give up on is matcha. The thing is that like I they opened this new place in Tri-Cities, it's called Align, and they have the best matcha. I mean, they have the best matcha, and then also um there's another one that I absolutely love their matcha as well. I think it's called like La Matcha Mia or something, can't remember the full name, but it's so so good. Um, but they don't have a physical location, it's just a pop-up, and a line just opened like a new coffee shop, and so I've been there every day grabbing a drink. Their banana matcha, like I'm obsessed with banana matcha. I'm gonna go get one right after this, and I just haven't been able to like give that up, and I'm just like, okay, I have to live a little. I don't think I'm ready to like be super like crazy about the gym just because I don't know, it's just food and drinks bring me happiness, and I just don't want to give up everything. Like, I'm like, okay, what's the purpose of life without being able to just enjoy life a little bit? So it's like I'm eating good my meal plans and drinking a lot of water, but when it comes to my matcha, I'm gonna have at least one matcha a day, minimum. So yeah, but I was telling you guys I had the craziest week. I my sister had her baby, and we were already all excited. None of my cousins or me have had any complications at birth, so we weren't expecting anything to happen just because all of our births have been so good, and okay, so it was Saturday. Last Saturday, I got a call from my sister. Well, she was good, she was scheduled to get induced on Friday, but they told her to come earlier, right? So this happened last Friday. Um, and she went in earlier. I went over there to just hang out with her, and they checked her, and she was barely like at two centimeters, and they were gonna induce her because she was already like further along in the process of like the pregnancy that it was time, right? And then no, and then I go hang out with her, and I was like, She ended up being like at three, four centimeters. So I stayed there for a few hours, and then I was like, Okay, I'm gonna go home because actually I went home that I'm like, Oh, there's still a long time, you know, it's been a few hours. Like, I'm gonna go home for a bit and then I'll come back just because it's still gonna take a bit, right? So then I come home, I was so tired that day. I remember like I remember it was like the beginning of that time of the month, and I just get so so exhausted. And I was coming home, I couldn't even like drive, like, I was just so tired. Like, I told my husband I seriously felt like parking because I couldn't, like, I was so exhausted. And I came home, which I don't know why. Let me know in the comments why. Like, what do you guys do at that time of the month to get your energy back? Because I get down bad the first two days, like I can't, but anyways, I come home, I take like a one-hour nap. I couldn't really nap for some reason. It was weird because like I feel really connected with like my cousins and my sisters, my sister, because we grew up together, and like I remember taking a nap. I don't know if it was my cramps from my period, but like I was getting contractions, like I was feeling something in my stomach. I don't they were not contractions, I was just feeling something, could have just been my period, but I just feel like really connected to my sisters, which I call my cousins my sisters. Um, but anyway, so I come home, I take a nap for like one hour, I get up, the kids get home, and I just was hanging out. I was like, I'm gonna shower and just get re-ready and just put myself together, um, make a little bit of food, I thought, and then I'll go back to the hospital with my sister, and she should be a little bit further along. And then randomly I get a phone call from my brother-in-law, like screaming, like panicking, that they randomly that the doctor came in and randomly just started, like all the nurses came in and they had to go and do emergency c section to with you know to my sister, and so then I start panicking because like the doctors in that moment their only job is to save the baby and my sister, so they don't care to tell the husband like what's going on, they're just trying to resolve the problem. So he has no idea what's going on, and you know, as a dad, you're already freaking out, like I think as a guy, you don't really know anything about like birth, so he was like full-on like panicking, and I wasn't there. I was so sad that I wasn't there. Like, obviously, there was no way for me to know, and everything was going perfectly fine before then, right? And you guys, I live so far from the hospital that she gives birth like 30 minutes to get there, like from my side of town to her side of town, honestly, like 30 minutes. So then I start freaking out. I go to the hospital, and my car breaks down, you guys. It did not break down, let me tell you. I'm so embarrassed to even talk about it because I am the worst at pumping gas, like the worst, and this is like lesson learned to not let my gas that low because um if an emergency happens, you know, like it made me realize like what if an emergency happens and then I have no gas. So for some reason, like everything was just happening. I thought like before I got home because I was so tired, mind you, from earlier, I was like, I'm not stopping for gas right now, like I'm going straight home, I don't care. So then I didn't end up pumping gas before I got home, and I in my head I was like, Oh well, I'll just pump gas because the gas station is literally like two minutes from my house, and I was like, I'll just pump gas when I leave, right? To go back to the hospital. Well, I ended up leaving frantic and quick and just left. I didn't end up pumping the gas on my way there either. And in my head, I didn't even like care, you know. I was just like rushing over there. My car, like literally like seven minutes away from the hospital, just shuts off, you guys. I was so mad at myself, and just in general, I'm like, you you know, just imagine how mad as a girl you would be of like I can't believe that this is happening to me right now, you know. Like, why would my car just break down? It didn't break down, it ran out of gas, and I was just so mad at myself. I was overthinking it. I'm like, I'm the worst freaking sister. I was just like, I couldn't believe that that happened to me in that moment. I call my husband, my husband is nowhere to be found. He actually had a soccer game, so he wasn't even like close to his phone, he was playing soccer, and then I called my mom, and my mom was like a badger, and then she's like, Okay, I'll go right now. So she went to the gas station and bought like one of those tanks and put gas in it and brought it to me, which that took like an hour, like maybe like 40 minutes. That took she gets there. We can't she gets there, and we cannot figure out for the life of me how to put the little tank thing in the gas little hole or whatever, and we're just there. My mom and me trying to figure it out. It was just complicated, like it had so much instructions, and we're just girls. A cop showed up, the cop couldn't figure it out, and I ended up being there for like two hours. I just left home after that. The baby ended up being born, and the baby wasn't breathing for like two minutes, so they had to take the baby to the ICU and kind of make the baby uh breathe. And they told me everyone was stabilized in the meantime. I didn't tell anybody about it in that time because I didn't want to make it about me, you know. I just couldn't believe that that was happening to me, and everyone was stabled, so I was happy about that. I had spilled a little bit of gas, like I was just stinky of gas because we were just like trying to put that thing in there and it wouldn't work. Finally, the cop figured it out, put the gas, I learned my lesson, I went home, I went to bed. Everyone told me that the baby was fine, and they I couldn't even, even if I had gone, they weren't gonna let me in because my sister needed to get like proper rest and they don't allow anyone in there, and so it all worked out fine, but I was just so mad at myself, and honestly, lesson learned. It was one of those days that I was like, I cannot, I cannot, I just need to go to bed. It was that day was just crazy. Okay, let's get into today's topic, which is friendships. I want to just answer a few questions that you guys had in regards to friendships. Make sure you guys follow my Instagram for the podcast. I really want to build like a community there and just talk to the girlies that are listening in, tuning in, and yeah, make sure you guys comment as well. Keep commenting. Also, if you enjoy the podcast, if you guys can leave a podcast review on the Apple Podcast app, it would mean the world to me. Um, someone left a little lower review, so I made my rating go down to like 4.8. So please go and rate my podcast. But you don't have to if you don't like it, okay? But anyways, let's get into today's topic. I asked you guys, I always write down I have in the in the Instagram bio and also down below on the links to leave like any advice you want you want, any feedback, anything you want to tell me, a situation, and I will talk about it eventually because I like to talk about everything in this podcast. So, yeah, the first one is my best friend copies everything I do and it's starting to annoy me. Am I being dramatic? Okay, I feel like this happens very often when you like I feel like a to a certain point it's going to happen because you guys are friends. Like me personally, when I end up making a new friend or with my friends, I see them often and I'm constantly seeing like the cute things they're wearing, the lipstick they're wearing, the lip liner, and I ask them where they got it or what it is exactly. Sometimes I even text them to send me the link, and I think it's bound to happen with friendships that you get naturally influenced by each other, but also at the same time, is it happening? Like, is she being like in like are you inspiring her? Is she liking what you're wearing, or is she absolutely copying like your whole life? Like, I feel like there's a difference where is she inspiring you? Is she getting inspired by you? She loves like me. I always text my friends, like, hey, send me the link of that thing that you got, of that lip liner, of that, those shorts, those jeans, and it doesn't mean that I'm copying them, it just means that I love it and I want it for myself, right? But then there's that type of people where they kind of start copying like your whole life a little bit, like even like they start changing themselves, they start trying to act like you or trying to just absolutely copy everything that you do to your personality, and you're noticing it because they're acting like somebody else, and you know the real them. So I think it depends if you know if she's getting inspired by you or if she's just full on copying you. I feel like if it's that much, like if she's trying to act like you, I would just make a little comment. I won't be like not in a confrontational way of saying chat GPT something of what you can say, like just a comment non-confrontational, of like maybe you should like get your own, like I don't know, like I don't know, find a comment that you can tell her that won't be confrontational. And I also think like it depends. Is she being shady about it? Like when I was younger, I feel like there were people that it felt shady, but also and shady in a way of like she's not even telling you or asking you, like, hey, I love that lipstick, what is it, or and she's just like being weird about it. If that's the case, I feel like she knows, and she probably just needs to hear like a comment from you that it's bothering you, so that she stops doing that, and I also wouldn't hyperfixate on it, like you said, like you shouldn't, it's not a big deal. I feel like also when I was younger, I would see someone like copying me a little bit, but we're young, and now I'm like, why does it matter? Like, uh now that I'm older, I'm like, she's it's actually should be a way of flattering, like she likes how you are, she likes your style, she likes who you are, and so it's like it's a compliment, right? That she wants to be like you. Um, but I feel like it was a bigger deal when we were younger because we don't have anything else to think about, so don't overthink it, it's not a big deal. We're younger, we care more. Like now that we're older, my friends like they know I'm gonna ask for what they're wearing and they're gonna send it, and we're more like we don't care anymore when you're a little bit older. I think that when you're younger, it kind of annoys you a little bit, and also it's trends, like people like you can't get bothered that people are wearing the same thing as you or things like that because the whole world moves in like trends and everybody likes the same thing and changes to that one thing. But like I said, if it is just copying full on your personality and all the and being shady about it, make a comment and tell her something, and then hopefully that works. Okay, so the next one is my friend only calls me when she's single. Do I say something? I feel like this happens so often with friendships, like as soon as you get in a relationship, you kind of forget about your friendships. I think it's normal, like it happens very often. I've been there as well, but also I think it depends. Like, is she like getting out of relationships every few months and then ignores you and it's like a pattern, you know? Like, is she doing it often, or is it just like a one-time thing that she did with that one relationship, you know? I feel like that's something to think about. I feel like if it's a pattern, like where she's doing it often, I feel like it feels like you're being used, and I feel like you should definitely talk to her and make a comment, you know. Like you when next time she calls you, be like, you literally only call me when you're single, girl. Like, make a comment where it's not confrontational, but you're kind of putting her in the spot a little bit of like she's doing that. Also, is she communicating with you at all when she's in the relationship, or is she just literally only talking to you when she's single? Because I feel like if she's only talking to you when she's single and absolutely no contact when she's in a relationship, I feel like at that point she's using you, and yeah, I would call her out on it. It doesn't have to be in a confrontational way, but you can like tell her, like, hey, like, and it also depends. Do you want her as a friend, you know, like as a long-term friend that because there's different types of friendships, right? There's the friend that you're gonna like your best friend that you're gonna talk to often, there's the friends that you only talk to like once in a while, there's the friends that you only talk to in certain times, and it could be that she's just that friend that you know, because there's like I said, there's so many different types of categories of friendships, and it's like you can think about okay, do I want her like is she just my party friend when she is not in a relationship, or you can ask her, like, you know, or try to text her when she is in a relationship, because I feel like if you love like a friendship, you're going to reach out even when you're in a relationship, and it doesn't mean you have to reach out, like often she can reach out once in a while. You could reach out to her as well when she's in that relationship, and if she if you're the one reaching out and she completely ignores you, then I feel like okay, there's something there, you know. But if you you know, if you're trying to yeah, if you're trying to call her or text her when she is in the relationship and she's ignoring you, and then she's calling you when she's single, then yeah, I would call her out on it in a nice way, and then you know, see where that takes you. If you're feeling used, you can cut her off as well. You don't have to respond back to her when she reaches out, and you can you don't even have to explain anything to them. If you already tried, they're gonna know, you know, like they people know what they're doing, so don't feel weird if you decide to just cut her out of your life because she's using you, you know. It's you have to protect your peas, you have to protect yourself, and yeah, so that's what I would say. Sometimes friends come and they're not meant to stay with you forever, so yeah, sometimes it's not even anything personal, like we're just not a good fit, and you know, maybe other girls are okay with that, you know, and you're not, and that's so valid, so yeah. The next one is I found out my friend talks bad about me, but still hangs out with me. Oh my gosh, that's crazy. Okay, so I feel like that's a complicated one. So I would say my first question is who is the source? Who told you first? That's the first question I would ask myself. Like, who told you? And is she talking to her, like venting to her, or is she actually talking shit? Because I think that's like two different things. She could just be venting to her of how she feels, and I feel like we've all been there, you know. Like, I feel like we're human, like it's gonna happen, just be that she's frustrated with something and she's just sharing with another person, and sometimes other people can take what you said or one sentence and like run with it and create a whole story out of it. Like, it's crazy the amount of times that it has happened to me where it's like I will say a whole paragraph and they just take one sentence from that paragraph and run with it, and so I think that's why it's important to know like who you heard it from. Are they reliable? Are they gossipers? Like, what are their where is it coming from? And also is it a pattern? Like, are you hearing from people like other people as well? You know, is it a pattern? Are you hearing it often that she's talking shit? And then if you are, then I feel like that's a sign, right? That they probably are talking shit. But if it's just one and it's not happening very often, I feel like you guys, like I have a sister, and like I know that my sister will say something to my mom and she's venting to her, it doesn't mean that she's talking shit, and like I still love her, you know. It doesn't mean that you know, she's just sharing, and then at the end of the day, if we do have something to say that bothered us, then we say it, right? Also with friendships. Um, so yeah, I would think about that. I feel like sometimes people exaggerate the drama as well, so it could be that she vented to her and she's exaggerating. I don't know. I'm not saying that that's what happens, but that that's what happened, but also something to consider. I'm definitely the type of friend that I cannot stand if I see, like I will stop being your friend if I see that you are talking crap about a friend that you're pretending to be really good friends with. If I see that I stop automatically trusting that person, like I cannot have those type of friends, like I am so quick to unfriend you, I just distance myself from that. Like you genuinely cannot love someone and secretly root against them. I feel like you only need a very small amount of friends. Like, I just have like a small amount of friends that are genuine, that truly we love each other, and there's absolutely no reason why a friend will if she truly loves you, if she's a true friend, that she's going to be talking behind your back. Like, absolutely not. That is not a true friend. Like, if you find out that it's for fact that she did do it, then I just don't think that that is a genuine friend, and it's something that like I feel like if you find out that it's a fact, it doesn't mean you have to be confrontational about it just because they did something to you, and you no longer like you don't have to stop being their friend, you know, you can be their friend, forgive them, but it doesn't mean that they're gonna have the same access to you as they did before, you know. Like it's okay to forgive, but you're not gonna have access to me as a friend, like the way that you did before. And I still love you, I still care for you, but yeah, I hope that helps. The next one is my best friend got successful and now acts different. Oh my god, I was just listening to a podcast on this just yesterday, actually, and it was talking about a girl. Like, I think a question to ask yourself is has she really actually changed? Because sometimes when someone is or gets successful, people change around them, not the person that becomes successful. I think trying to ask yourself, like, okay, has she really changed or has my perspective on her changed? And also understanding that sometimes we create the story in our head of them changing because you're seeing them more successful. So I would ask myself, like, did she actually change? Like, I would, you know, is she did her morals change? Is she acting like a complete new person and you know that, or is she just are you perceiving her a different way? Sometimes we just create stories in her head and make things up. So I would say to ask yourself that. I'm not saying that they didn't change, I think it's also something to consider of like people that are successful, they're constantly growing, you know, they're constantly reading books, improving their life, trying to see what they can do better, and ask yourself like maybe they're growing, you know, like what are you doing to grow your mindset as well so that you're understanding them because people do change in not always in a negative way, you know. People have some people have goals, dreams, and so it's like you need to understand that people that are successful keep growing themselves and they're going to keep improving themselves. So yeah, I don't think you change, they change as a person. I feel like it's totally different if they end up like being, you know, they start changing their morals, becoming like more different, rude, mean, you know. Are they talking down on you? Are they acting like you're better like they're better than you? Are they, you know, their morals? Sometimes, like, if they are being that way and completely changing and not a positive way, I would say to talk to them, ask them, like, hey, just want you to check in, see what's going on. I notice that, you know, this and that. If you're best friends, you're gonna be able to talk, you know, clearly and almost like call them out on it in a like in a nice way of like, hey, what's going on? You're acting different. Um, why are you being like this? Sometimes people just need like someone to check them to realize themselves, like sometimes they just probably get so lost in work and life and business and all of that, and growing that they forget that they're acting different, and sometimes they just need a loved one to remind them to like humble themselves, and that might just be what they need. Maybe, maybe their priorities change, they have something going on, and yeah, just checking in on them, talking to them. I feel like if they really love you and they're your friends, they will consider your what you're saying and listen to you and you know try to be better will make you feel seen, and if she doesn't, then you can set boundaries yourself, like I said. But yeah, if she loves you, she knows that you're telling her how it is, and she will change or she will, you know, come back to you again. But yeah, just having an honest conversation over the phone, like, hey, what's going on? I noticed that you know that things have been different lately, and I just wanted to check in. Maybe they just need to talk to you, and yeah, their priorities are different, they probably yeah, have something going on. You should be able to understand, if not, she's probably going through something. Give her a little bit of grace, but then at the same time, it depends what kind of shit she's doing, you know. Um, but yeah, hope that helps. That is it for today. I hope you guys enjoyed today's episode. If you did, I would love to see on your Instagram stories. Tag me, I'll reshare on the Veronica Ramos podcast or Realtor Veronica Ramos or both, and I will try my best to reshare every single one of you. I want to see where you're listening at. Are you getting ready? Are you on a walk? What are you doing? Are you in the car? Are you on your way to work? Let me know. Post a little Instagram story. I would love to see. And yeah, I will talk to you guys next week.