"I Got Out of An Abusive Relationship"

In this episode, my friend opens up about her experience surviving domestic violence, the warning signs she wishes she had seen, and the journey of rebuilding her life. Between the serious moments, we laugh, swap stories, and dive into the kind of honest girl talk that happens when you're with someone you trust.
This isn't just a conversation about hardship it's about friendship, healing, resilience, and finding joy again. Whether you're here for the laughs, the life lessons, or to hear a story that could help someone you love, we hope you leave feeling a little less alone.
Trigger warning: This episode includes discussion of domestic violence. If you or someone you know needs support, please prioritize your safety and reach out to trusted resources in your area.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey everyone, welcome to the Veronica Ramos podcast. Today I have my amazing friend Vika. Yes, thank you so much for having me. Yes, welcome. Okay, so tell us a little bit about you. Now you're a mom. You graduated high school. Graduated high school with you, right? Yeah. But it's crazy. Okay, we were not friends in high school. But we were though. Like we, yeah. I just remember. I know you don't remember, but like I remember what's her name. You were really close to her. And that's how I would hang out with you. Brenda? Brenda, no, but it was. Oh my god, she's my client. And I can't remember her name right now. I remember also, I always thought you were a bit. But also. But also, that's funny because we were just talking about off camera, like how often it comes up that we have like a resting face. My husband tells me that too, actually. So we'll be like at a family gathering and he'll be like, Why do you look so mad? And I'm like, What? You want me to be sitting like Yeah. I know. Like just smiling the whole time. Like, I'm sorry, that's my face. And I think that's us, right? Like, we just have that base. We do. We can't do nothing. Okay, so I wanted to have her on the podcast so we can do like a girl chat. I know you're going through a lot right now, and I know that you can't talk about it a lot in detail. But we have tea. Yeah. But I feel like a lot of people are gonna relate because honestly, Vika, I have so much friends with like the same story around your age, like going through like a separation, a divorce, and like I I know we can't say a lot. Can I say this? Like domestic violence. Yeah. Like going through domestic violence and cheating and pretty much just crazy stuff. So I feel like it's a good episode to talk about it. So we graduated. Um, you know, my best friend started dating. I started dating. Yeah. And in our culture, like you get married young. Yeah. That's what I wanted. I wanted to get married. I was ready for a family. And this guy that I met was from Seattle. He had family here, but we didn't know of them. You know Russians here. Yeah. But we didn't know of them because they are a different culture. They knew Russian, but they had another culture who's being stung. It's like Muslim vibes. Oh, okay. That's and so we didn't know like of them. We didn't know who they are, you know. So it's like you didn't know, like here, you kind of have a background of it. Yeah, yeah. You know, like eight Russians, you know the parents, you know how people are, you know. Yeah, they're fake or not. Yeah. Or you know their background. And so he he had a lot of siblings. He has eight siblings, and they're all crazy. Yeah. They're all the same. Yeah, they're all the same. Basically, we got married. I moved to Seattle for the first year, and I was like excited because it's Seattle, you know? Yeah, it was a city. And also, you looked hap, like, obviously, looks are different than reality. What? Social media. Yeah. You know, and I mean you still wanted a beautiful wedding. So, like, you know, and I got it. You got right. So we moved to Seattle and we were in an apartment. He started his trucking business. And so when he started that, he would drive like all over America. So he was gone for like weeks, months, and so I was alone. Obviously, I would travel here, you know, to see family. First six months of marriage, I got pregnant, which I was excited for. Yeah. You know, when I was pregnant, we moved back after that year. We lived with my parents a little bit before we got there. Came back over here. Yeah. Yeah. And then I gave birth to my first child. They're so cute. Two months later, I get pregnant. No way. I didn't know that. They're 11 months apart. Oh, I love that. So I was a stay-at-home mom with two little kids. He was like this kind of person where he only cared about himself, his family. Like he was a good dad, but he wouldn't go places like to a wedding with me. He wouldn't go to church with me. It was always me and the girls. So the whole five years of marriage, I was alone. I was used to it. It's literally, I say a married but single mom. Yeah. And I mean, he had control of money, bank accounts. I never knew what was in the bank. It didn't give me access. I had a debit card with like how much money he thinks to put on there. Oh my gosh. So very controlling. Very controlling. Why did you go to Walmart? Like, what did you buy there? It's like what? Like barely. I bought milk, diapers. Are you really asking me what I bought at Walmart? You know what I mean? It's like I went to Nordstrom, asked me what I bought there. Started getting abusive. It was physical, but I knew that I was like done and over it when he was like choking me. But even that day, like I didn't get help. I didn't call my dad. I didn't out of like fear. Out of you were just embarrassed or you know, like what are people gonna think? Yeah. Was that you were already here in hypothesis? Yeah, here we have a house. Our kids are probably like three and four. So there was abuse going on through all the years. Okay. There was cheating going on through all the years, but I didn't know about the cheating. Because he would leave. Yeah. But I had assumptions. I saw some stuff, but I didn't have like proof of you would just like see things on the phone or little things. Yeah. You just know. I feel like I have a crazy story, but we're gonna leave that for another. So yeah, we're gonna do she is going through like trial right now. So we can't talk about a lot, but we will do a full detail. And the reason we're going to trial is because right now I do have full custody. He actually can't come up to me, the girls right now, because of something he did that I'll talk about. Yeah. And so he's trying to see the girls, and that's where we're going to trial. Okay, because you're like, absolutely. Yeah, like I will fight you. You know? Yeah, yeah. For their safety. For their safety. What year do you think that it started? Like right away. Yeah. First year. Like he would just any little thing would just be any little thing we would, you know, fight all night, art like for the smallest thing. Well, yeah, but then I would find stuff on his phone, like he would drive somewhere to work, and in his search history, it said, Where to get a happy ending. Oh my god. He's like, I never searched that up. I was like, okay. You're like, um, I know how to but that was like through all the years, you know, it was that control, it was the abusive, and I'll talk about that later, like in details, why he did it and what triggered. Yeah. And when I actually finally got help, we'll talk about that more. Yeah. And so I lived in all this, and his family were just super toxic. Super toxic. Like he is connected to his mom's umbilical court. Uh huh. He is like anything his mom will say, it has to be like that. Oh, it's one of those. And he like I don't know, it's a little weird. There's this um something that just happened in Mexico City of the mom killing the wife-in-law, or what is it called? The daughter-in-law? Yeah. And she's like, he's mine, and you took him from me. I don't know if you guys saw that, but that was crazy. It's like moms become obsessed. I don't know what it is with some moms and their sons. I don't know because I don't have boys. I mean, like, I get it. No, I'm kidding. I would never do that. But oh my god. So it was like whatever she would say. Yeah, and I feel like through the whole marriage, the family wanted us to separate really bad. It felt like all the girls, he has more girl siblings, and it felt like they were like in this competition with me. And I felt that like jealousy, you know. Yeah. And they tried to make rumors to break us up, and it was always me like arguing with him, like that never happened, you know. So it felt like they wanted it to end, and they finally got what they wanted. Easy. Why do you feel like you stayed? Do you feel like you stayed because you were like I separating your family, or you just I stayed because the girls were so little. I stayed because you're people too. Yeah. I was like, I'm gonna pray. Yeah, I'm gonna fast. I'm gonna get even more closer to God, and God is gonna change him. And you would do it. Like I fought till the end. I gave him so many chances. Because you are a very religious person. I am, yeah. And like it's like I know that culture is like, I don't know, but you guys give it your all. Like, it's not like you're just gonna you take some women take abuse and just, you know, stay the abuse. Yeah, yeah. So what happened was we'll talk on the other episode about what actually happened. But basically, he got arrested in September of 2023. He got arrested. I called my dad for help, and my dad was like, F this, I'm calling the police. My dad warned him like multiple times that next time you hurt my daughter, we're gonna get the authority involved, right? And that day, like, I don't know why I was scared to call the police. But I ran out of the house of the front door, and I called my dad, and he pulled up with the cops. And my ex thought, like, I set that whole thing up. Yeah, like we have connections. He made a whole story that we have connections. I'm like, I wish we had connections. Like, you would be in jail. But yeah, he got arrested because they like checked my face and everything, my ears, and they saw that there was abuse, and that's why they arrested him. It was only overnight. Yeah, and he did that in front of the kids that last time when he got arrested, and that's when I was like, dude, you're done. Like, my kids are not gonna grow up in a home where they see that. And I told him multiple times, I'm like, I'm leaving you because like my kids are not gonna think this is what love looks like, you know. Yeah, and I was like, and I know that I deserve like so much better, so much better. Like, I have such a loving heart, forgiving heart. I forgave him a hundred times, and I knew that God has another person for me. Yeah, I'm so happy that you left because so much women do stay. I know, but I'm like, I had this regret where I was like, I wish I ran sooner. Yeah, like why? Why didn't you? But then looking back, I was like, I was just so young. I know, I get it, but also like because you're so with God that miracles do happen sometimes. It's like where they do change. But you know what? This that whole marriage, I had this like strong relationship with God. I knew of God, I loved God, I prayed to him. I remember like I would always pray, like, I need to leave him, you know, but like I will leave when he hurts me, like bad, where I'm like, I know this person doesn't love me, you know, and I could finally leave. I feel like I left when I knew that like this person's care. They're gonna kill you at this point. Yeah, you know. The last month when I like lived at that house, I would lock the door. I would text my friend, she would like sit in a car nearby just in case because I didn't know what he's capable of. And it's like at this point, like, would you tell your family? Yeah, like your like close friends, I'm sure. Yeah, and just one of them. I'm sure they would tell you leave, leave, and then that's hard. Yeah, and so I filed for divorce. It gets even more wild, like after divorce, because you're going through the whole process. Yeah, it gets wild. And I've heard that things get wild, but I feel like this even got wilder. Yeah. So then it got and it's still like we're what? This is like our third year. Like we're officially divorced. How is that? Did he sign or they he was forced? So when I filed for divorce, they have to serve him. He was running. Our server was trying to catch him at places, he was running red lights, like he was going crazy. And so he got a lawyer, and then he goes to file for divorce. Uh and I'm working, I'm doing accounting. Yeah. And they served me in the office because I'm just right there 24-7. How does it work? Is it like and so y'all I'm the respondent? Uh, and he's the petitioner. Okay. Which is not fair because you filed for divorce first. But then there's evidence that you filed for divorce first. Yeah. But he does, and but still. It's like he always wanted to be the main, like the one with the throne. No, dude, that family, yeah. It's just like their dad is a pastor. Oh. Under the sheepskin. You know, when there's like Christians, but then there's like a cult. Christian? They're Christian, they love God, but they don't live that life. It's like a crazy thing. They don't live that life. Yeah. They're not Christian. Honestly, you guys, I don't want to use this word. It's demonic. They're demonic. And that's what ruined our marriage was out of nowhere, you guys. It's like someone walked into him and he was like, You're not wearing leggings. You're not wearing jeans. He would control that. Threw it all away. He thought he's gonna change. He threw it away. He threw it away in the garbage. He said he donated it to Goodwill. He went cycle mode. The day he abused me when he got arrested. It's because of leggings. I went to gymnastics with the girls wearing leggings with a hoodie, and he decided to throw a soda can at me in the kitchen. Then he dragged me into the kids' room and started hitting me. I'm so sorry. Over leggings. But you know what's crazy is like I was like, okay, like you didn't turn Christian all of a sudden. But it's because why? Because he was cheating and he thought that he's doing all this bad stuff, and he thinks that you're doing it. You're the same. That's it. And I was really well faithful, dude. Yeah. Like when I love somebody, I love them. Me with like my husband, like I literally will check out girls rather than guys. Like it's so I don't know. I'm just like, like with my husband and I we're so on jealous because we just both know, you know. I cannot believe that. And that's not even everything. That's not everything. That's just like a little. I'm so sorry, dude. Yeah. And you're so beautiful. Like, and he knew that, you know, he knew that people look at me, that I'm attractive, that all those things. But he thought I'm out there like him, but I'm not. But also, like, yes, some people I know, like sometimes they get in this like hypnosis or something of like whatever their culture is. I've seen that, but sometimes it's the bad one where it's bad. It's not even a good thing. There, what is it called? Like psychosis. What do you mean by that? Like, there's these people that like get into God and then they become obsessed with it. They become like different, but like not in a godly way. They end up using it a whole different way. I don't know. You know what their situation is? I don't know how to explain it. They're Christian, but their dad is like a pastor, but he's not, because no church in America, we know this, yeah, they don't allow him to preach at their church. Like, this is fact. And basically, I don't know if he's like mental at this point or if he possessed, but basically he said that in the beginning, when God created Adam and Eve, he said that Eve didn't bite the apple or the fruit. He mean a follow up. I'm not joking. He said a Christian pastor said that Adam, Eve, and the snake, the devil, had a threesome. He made a whole fucking story. This is facts, you guys. This is why he wants people to believe, and I don't know who believes, you know, that kind of stuff. So were you did you stop going to church? No, I go to church. No, but when you were not right now, when you were together, like, did you No, I would go to church by myself with a girl. Okay. To my church, and I was like, dude, you can go to some delusional place, but like I know who God is. I don't follow some prophet. Like they had some prophet that they were obsessed with. And also, he was he grew up like that. His dad probably beat his mom. Listen, he did. Yeah, he did. Like all the time. And I always told him, I was like, you know, this is sad, but you don't know what love is because he doesn't. You grew up in an abusive house. You saw your dad do the things that you're doing. Your dad cheated, your dad hit your mom, and your dad was lazy just like you, because you don't want to work. You don't care to like, you know, get something in life and work for something. You don't have goals, you're fine with it. Not driven at all. Yeah. I knew your story was crazy, but you guys is bad. No, like that's why I heard his dad. Like, that's crazy, dude. It's bad. It's really bad. And they were always like the mom, but her dress, like, even the sleeves need to be loose. When I heard that, I was like, what the fudge? Your daughters, sorry, but they look like hoes. You know, I can't believe this. You can't have it. Your Digi Face Me through social media. Okay, like he jammed me, and I was like, Oh, I don't know about this. I don't know him. And when you would come here to visit me, we'd like hang out on a weekend. And so you know, like, oh, you're having a good time on a weekend, but you fully don't know if you would see each other every day. And even then, he probably started being jealous. I feel like there were signs. I feel like there was manipulation in ways, but he tried to go like Yeah, I was young. You were so young. Is he was he older than you? Like how four years. That's kind of like my husband, too. Yeah. So he was older. I feel like four years is a good amount. Yeah. Okay, and so how are you doing now? Like, I'm still good. Yeah. I am. Did you do therapy? No, this is therapy. This is our therapy. I need this. Like, um, I've never done therapy. Only when I was a little girl, but I feel like I mean, like, I'm just good. Yeah. I'm good. Yeah. I healed. People are like, dude, how are you doing this? You know, but I'm like, I was so used to like being alone in the marriage that like I healed fast after divorce. I wasn't depressed. I was sad. It was stressful. But even like after the divorce and during the divorce, I got so close to God. Like I had a walk-in closet in my house, and that's where I would go, hide, pray to God. When you were married, yeah. Yeah. That's like when I didn't leave the house. And I'm so happy about it. I'm so proud of you. But I mean, there's no you can't. It's just sad. Like looking back, I'm like, I was young. Oh, I'm still young. You still when you were supposed to be happy. You know, you had kids, you yeah, but also you're still young. I mean, thankfully. Yeah, and I want kids. Oh, you want more. So please hit her up if you're not toxic. Just kidding, guys. You're not this is not what this is for. So now you're doing good. I'm glad. I'm good. You're focused on your health now. My health, my kids. When did you start working out? I know you've been in your fitness. Like, what got you into it? Like after the divorce. Yeah, after the divorce, you know, I was so stressful. You look so good. I look at your Instagram. You're literally my inspo. No. Yeah. Oh, she looks so good. I need to like every time I see her story, I'm like, okay, I need to lock in. Like every day. No, you look a day, especially right now when you're training. So we reconnected actually because which I feel like we always followed each other. That's the thing with us. Like we can just move, like, we won't talk for a while and then we can just talk. Like it's I feel like you were always chill. Yeah, like we're just you were a mean girl. Yeah. I wasn't a mean girl. No. And if I was, honestly, I was projecting my childhood trauma. Like my the shit that I was going through. Like I know your mom was also a single mom. Yeah. Like if I ever was, like, what? You know, I was going through shit. Sorry. I was projecting that I was broke as fuck, didn't have pads, like, you know, didn't have toilet paper. Like, I'm sorry. But yeah, I was not really a mean girl unless I hated you. But yeah, then we reconnected with the trainer. I started training. But were you training? Like, when did you start? Or no, I started like a year ago. Okay, exactly. Kind of like me. Yeah. But no, I feel like you were already into it when you all like I'd barely go because I had quartz. Yeah, when I have quartz, I'm like, I'm not doing Pilates, I'm not doing gym. I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'll like drop everything. Yeah. But I'd show up here and there. I wasn't like full-time lifting each day. I'd come like once in a while. That's when you started baby. Yeah, then I started. I was like, oh Veronica's here. Like, oh my god, we haven't we hadn't talked and honestly. Like obviously we followed each other. Yeah. We knew of each other. I thought you were thriving, but that's just shows how No, I kind of got a vibe from that guy. Like you Oh, you did? So you remember seeing pictures with him, yeah? I just remember seeing him and I'm like, I don't know. But also like she's doing good, you know. I never really thought anything. I just thought, you know, she's doing good. But it's crazy how social media can be, you know, like it's just a highlight of her life. It's nothing. Yeah, so you got into it like a year ago training. Yeah, and so why I started really getting into this fitness and working out is because dealing with the stress, it like really helped me. I don't know. I just felt so good after working out, going to Pilates. I know you've been going to the TMR too. So let's get into the lighter side. I'm we already know what a little bit. We'll definitely have a Podcast episode once her trial is over. If you want, talk about everything because I'm sure you know we have while we have to. What are your things that you're liking right now? Gym stub, do the gym stubs. I get like super easily in super. I know you do. You're a I feel like people judge me. I'm like, I don't care. People can judge. I think for me, it's like I'm at a point where I don't care. But me and you, you and me, are very fans of like Kardashian stuff. I'm actually wearing Skims pants right now and Skim shirts. I love and probably underwear. But you know what? Exactly. And you know what? It's actually good. It's actually we're not here for just like the brand. No. It's actually good. I love it. No, skins. That's my I love skins. You know, Kylie Cosmetics, it's like well, I heard that she's doing something with Jeff Bezos to try to buy back because she sold it and it's kind of going down a little bit. Like, I feel like I haven't found any good products. But somebody told me about the Kylie skin tint. My sister told me about it. That is really, really good. She came out with her just brinter electrolyte. How for the skin? I love it. I'm gonna order it. Guys, like I have a problem with acne. I used it. Yeah. The electrolytes are so good. Yeah. Because like she's all about like the skin that is good for your skin. Like, I suck at drinking my water. I know, me too. And I hate like electrolytes. So green like the I just don't like it. But hers is so good. Like, I'm not joking. I'm gonna order it. And then um, you know what helped my skin? That's what I was gonna tell you. Alex Earl. Alex Earl line. Oh my god. I got her whole line. I love Alex Earl. One month. One month. Wait. And it dude, it's so good. It's so good. The serum that she has, it like dries a little bit, but then you moisturize it and it like dries your acne. No, I love it. Oh my god. I love Alex Earl. I just love that she just doesn't give a fuck. Like she's just did you see the whole drama? I do. I'm more team Alex. Alex Earl. You too. Alex Cooper, it bothers me how she talks, but also I love Alex Cooper. Like I love her still. I do too. So really I just But tell me why Alex Earl didn't have fun. But you think she's going to I feel like it's literally the dumbest thing ever. It's like the most simple thing that they're just like, why even talk about it? Yeah. Okay, what else? What's the current another current favorite? Honor. You haven't tried the honor active. The workout sets? Honor? Honor? No. Shop. I've ever heard. I'm gonna order one and buy it for you. And why did I think it starts with the H no? I know. O N E hard. Yeah. Honor. Honor. I haven't tried. Their workout sets are so no. I like so I know that I've told you before that some are good. Like the CSB, I don't like. I feel like it's for girls that are very, very petite and don't have like boomings. Yeah. Nothing. Which is fine. That's a look. I love that look, but that's just not. Yeah. But the honor is really good. Yeah. It like snatches you. It snatches you, but like it's magic. Like it makes you feel bomb. Like so good. What about set? I heard it's kind of cheap color. Set. I haven't tried set. It kind of like reminds me that they're copying like 437. Oh, yeah, that one's cute. So I feel like it's for petite. I've seen you in Olo. You look bomb in Olo, yeah. I don't have anything from Ollie. Really? Yeah. Stop. I mean, I had ordered some leggings a long time ago, but I didn't. I did want to buy the shirt that says Olo right here, but I think they didn't have my size when it went. So I had a problem where like I was skinny, but I was bloated. And just recently, maybe a month ago, I watched Target, and there's a brand called Seed. It's like her gut health. Okay. And like probiotics, vitamins. I've heard of seed. So you wake up, you're like a model. Oh yeah. Dude, I love it. Because it cleans your gut. And so I think that also helped my acne because it's like you're cleaning your gut. You don't have those toxins, you know? Okay. You have a good she knows the good stuff. Whenever I want something good, I'm like, where did you get this? Send me the link or whatever. Okay. Yeah, so it's like I get easily influenced, but but it's good. Yeah, you know. And it's like you end up getting the good stuff. Let's play a little game. Well, it's not a game. Let's just answer some questions. Oh, girly pops that asked questions. Just something more fun, not as heavy as we were. But I'm just proud of you. Like I'm just like, I'm just so happy you got out of it because I just know that so much women stay would have stayed. Yeah. Especially I hear it all the time. Like, they don't have money. Okay. So they stay. Yeah, I left with zero. Yeah. I just left. And so that's so hard. Sometimes they're like, I've seen before where they're like, I can do it on my own. So like I don't want to leave. Yeah, because they're scared, you know, like to find a job and where are they gonna live? Yeah. Especially if you don't have like a support sounding. Um, yeah, yeah, supports you. Okay, so we asked for you guys to put in advice. Okay, hey girl. I feel like my friend only really hits me up when she needs something or wants to talk about her problems. But we've been friends for years, so I feel bad even thinking like this. I don't know if I'm overreacting or if I should start distancing myself. What would you do? Yeah, it's like, what if you're giving it all? Yeah. She's not, she only hits you up when she needs something. Yeah, I feel like when you're giving it your all, I'd be like, I'd distance myself. Yeah, I feel like I would distance myself. It's like if you cherish your friendship and you have that good bond, you both need to try. Call each other. Let's say that she's calling you for her problems, but then you call her and she doesn't answer or kind of blows you off a little bit. Then yeah, she just doesn't answer you or doesn't give you the same energy, then yeah. I've had friendships where it's such a one-sided friendship. Yeah, so do and it's like it's hard. It's I'm quick to cut people out. Yeah, me too. Especially when we're getting older, I feel like you know, you're getting smarter. Yeah, you just don't care, I guess, what people think about you, you know? Yeah, like it doesn't mean that I'm gonna be like talking shit or anything like that, but I just like cut them off. Yeah, and yeah, that's what I would do. Okay, the next one. I keep restarting the gym every couple weeks, and I can't stay consistent no matter what I do. I'll be good for like a week or two, and then I just stop going. It's so frustrating because I actually want to change. How do you guys stay consistent for real? Girl, get cute outfits. That's what helps me for sure. Yeah, people talk shit about that. Well, you know what? It's like I used to go to the gym with like no makeup. Yeah, because you have those days. Yeah. But when I do my makeup and I have a nice outfit, that's when I'm like, I'm going to the gym. I'm confident. I'm gonna go. I don't know. Like cute fits just make me want to go. I love that. Like for me too, a cute fit motivates me to go. It doesn't even have to be like a brand new one, like put a cute fit together. I love like you don't have to do your full makeup, like a tinted moisturizer. That's what I do, just a tinted motion moisturizer and then just some cute blush and a lip liner, like put on a lip liner. Lip liner will change your whole mood. And also for me is getting a trainer. Like, I can't if I don't have a trainer, I'll go here and there, but I won't be consistent. True, because I used to go like to just a local gym and you just kind of don't show up, you know, because there's so much people and the machines are taken. Yes, like everybody's looking at me. Uh-huh. You think everybody, nobody even cares, but you feel like or you don't know how to do it right, and then you're not confident. Like you're like, what if I'm doing it wrong? And they're low-key making fun of me, but nobody is even looking. It's like, girl, you go to planet fitness.

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Stop.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

Planet fitness. Yeah, Pilates fitness. But yeah, I would say get a trainer because then you're gonna spend a lot of money on it, and you're like, I have to go. Or get a Pilates membership, like I did, and you know that you're paying for it, and then you need to show up every day because you're paying for it. And yeah, it's not like it's kind of cheap, you know. Yeah, it's not. So you gotta go. But for sure, on the cute outfit, like, yes, there's days where I'm just gonna get up and go, like who cares? But whenever I'm not feeling it or anything, like I just a cute outfit. Or if you're like seeing that you're getting leaner, you're getting toned, that's when I feel like you should feel like, oh, I need to push harder. Yes, I need to show up. Yeah, like screw everything, screw screw everything. Once you start seeing results, once you see a little something peeking through a lately, like since you've been training, like, dude, your arms look so nice, you look so good. And you know, I always tell you that. Yes, I I feel really, really good. Um I feel like my arms were something that I always had a struggle with. Tell me. I love Tony. Yeah, I love the TMR. I just love it. I don't have a membership. I hate that a lot of gyms in our town don't have 9 a.m. Like, I feel like a lot of stay-at-home moms, a lot of entrepreneurs, like we want 9 a.m. Right. Even my trainer doesn't have 9 a.m. The Pilates don't have I'm like, we need to because they got our new building. It's big, it's TMR. Yes. And they got more trainers, they're gonna keep getting more trainers. Or bigger classes more times. Good, because I need a 9 a.m. You will. So if I don't make it to my 5 a.m. or 6 a.m., I have to go to 6, 7, or 8 p.m. And that's like prime time for mom life or work, you know? And it's like I usually go to the 8 p.m. and I'm working till 6 30. So then I'll only have like a little bit of time. Like I won't go because I'm like, I'd rather be with my kids. So I need that in between like 9 a.m. Like if I don't wake up at 6. Because to be for real, like who could do 6 a.m. every single day as a mom business owner, like that's like regular work. Yeah, I can't do that, anyways. Yeah, that was a long ass answer. Okay, so gym anxiety. This might sound dumb, but I get so anxious at the gym. I feel like everyone is watching me or judging me, and it makes me not even want to go. I really want to get in shape, but I hate how I feel when I'm there. How did you get over that? That's me. Yeah. That's like a me. Yeah, not just the gym. Yeah, grocery store. Like you feel like everyone's staring at you. Like, I'm confident, but when I'm a lonesomer, I get shy, and like everybody's staring, they're judging me. But the thing is, they probably are staring.

SPEAKER_01 33:03

They are, they are.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

You just have to be confident. I know I am, yeah. But I hate being alone. Yeah, I don't know. I need someone next to me. Like, you know, when you see people like at a restaurant eating by themselves, I feel so sad for them. You're like, do you want me to go like my husband? So it's like, you'll never catch me. You'll catch me. No, yeah, I'll go to like a sushi place. So you're not shy. I'm not shy. Okay, I'm shy. I'm not shy. I don't think I'm shy. I can work out by myself, but only now that I know the the workouts before you get like anxiety. Dude, I get that. I pull up to the gym, I'm sitting in my car, and I'm like, why do you have anxiety? Like, why? Yeah, just get your ass in there. Yeah, just put on the phone. Like, who's gonna be there? Flash people or their the thing is like you have to think about it like when you go in, you're not looking at people. Yeah, you're doing your own thing. Even a thing that we do is we don't even look around because we don't want people to think that we're looking at them, so we stay. But they do stare sometimes. I don't know what advice to give you. Just be confident. That's that's all I can tell you. We don't know. We don't have the answer to this one. Okay, I'm going to be honest. I feel like I might be the problem in my relationship sometimes. I don't want to keep repeating the same patterns, but I don't know how to actually fix it. What would you do? Okay, this is me. Okay, tell me. Because I'm not understanding this. I feel like I've been very blessed with like my husband. Obviously, we're not perfect. I guess one of like the arguments in my household is like why you got an attitude all the time. And is that you don't know who had an attitude? Me. Okay. So that's kind of like what she's saying. Like, she's part of the problem and she doesn't know how to change it. So for me, it's like I try to change the attitude, but that's just my personality. Like, how do we break that? You know, like think about like your husband doesn't like that. Yeah. So try to change. What I do can't do. Really? I'm supposed to be soft. I know. I literally have to do affirmations in the morning. That's a tip. I do affirmations. Or what were you saying? What was this? Like, I'll be like, be nice today. Like, today your goal is to not have an attitude, like, be patient. You were saying I have to be a soft girl. I do remind myself that I get home and I'm like, okay, in the car in the garage. I'm like, be more feminine. It's okay. Like, but why do you feel like you have attitude? Like, what is it? I think it's just that I have such a high stress job. I mean, it's not like a huge argument, it's not. Oh, but it comes up, you know, the attitude. I do apologize sometimes too. Like, I'm sorry. Like that, I did not have to act like that. But that's what she means. Like being rude or no? Rude tone. Yeah. Tone. Just having, but it doesn't have to be that. Well, it doesn't think I love that color tone too. But yeah. But I guess that's not what she's saying, that that's what she does. I'm just saying that she's part of the problem. And I don't want to keep repeating the same patterns, but I don't know how to actually fix it. What would you do? My advice would be to just do affirmations, journal. I love to journal. Sure. Do you journal? I don't journal, but I have like a notes in my phone. Yeah. And I wouldn't say it's like journal, it's more like goals. Okay. Like what I see my future like. Yeah. What I see like my man. Yeah. You write down exactly what you're looking for. Damn. What are you looking for? Dude, you know what's funny? I made this list yesterday. Last night. It's not like six foot tall, you know. You know how girls are like, I want a rich so unrealistic. I mean, not unrealistic. I want a brunette. Uh I wanted that when I was young. But I literally like wrote a nice, kind, yeah, guy. God fearing, loves people, you know? Yeah. Not self-centered, you know, just loves you. Yeah. Okay, last question. Hi girls. I already know what you're gonna say, but I need to hear it. I keep ignoring red flags because I don't want to start over. Like I know certain things aren't right, but the idea of leaving and starting from zero scares me more. How do you actually walk away when you know you should? I would say a lot of girls ignore red flags for a long time. And you know, but why? Like why? Like what is it? Like, you know you're with this person, but you're like, I kind of don't see a future with him. I don't feel it, but I'm with him in the moment, and you're kind of liking that moment, but you know that you're gonna have to end stuff, but you're still going with the flow. But then at the end, he plays you and you're like, But I think that you become so upset, like you love that person. I think you love the idea of them. Like I've seen that where uh I've seen a TikTok on it. Oh, something saying that you love the idea of them being a certain way, but you're just gonna be hopeful your whole life, and then you end up breaking up because then they don't change, right? So run for the hill, run, get out. It's like you said from her experience, you know, the sooner the better. And I feel like you have to like really trust God that like you know what heart you have. You know, like I love love. I feel like what's too much. What do you mean? Like what's too much to leave a relationship. Yeah, like if you catch him on the phone with someone, like texting someone, do you forgive them? I think it depends how many times they've done something to you, right? And I feel like like through what I went, and just I would just be like I'm done, dude. I feel like once you're a cheater, once you're a little f-boy, yeah, you're you're gonna be that person. Yeah, I feel like you know, you should leave preferably on like the first red flag. I think forgive one time. Like I think one time is fine for me. And not cheating, it depends. What? I always said that cheating happens on God. I stayed. And I stayed because I thought God is gonna change him, miracles gonna happen. But now that I went through all of this, I'm like, no, like a cheating, you're done. Because I'm smart now, I respect myself more. I'm not that little girl that would like sit and cry in a corner, you know? Yeah, you're strong now and you know who you are and what you deserve. I feel like sometimes it takes that one relationship and then the second one is like better. Like a lot of women go through that. Yeah, yeah. That is it for today. Thank you so much for coming. I had such a good time. Hopefully, it was a good episode. I was a little nervous. I was nervous. You do this all the time. No, I don't. You're my second guest, like of the new season, and I don't even think I've had a guest since you've got a mom, yeah. Yeah, I had my mom like a few days ago. Yeah, it was just a fun girl talk and your experience, and thank you for opening up about a little bit about your actually a lot. That was a lot. That was a lot. That's a glimpse. That's a glimpse. A glimpse. That smile. But I'm so grateful that you were open to talking about it because I just know that a lot of women, especially young women like our age, sometimes don't even want to talk about it because they feel weird. But yeah, love you. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Bye.