Episode 52: The Power of Human Connection: Building Community in a Disconnected World

In this enlightening episode of the Light and Life Podcast, Liza and Pastor Tim dive into the essence of community and the profound impact of human interaction. Whether you’re feeling isolated in a digital age or seeking meaningful connections in a new city, this discussion unpacks how authentic relationships can transform lives and influence eternity. 

Explore what 'intentional community' really means and discover actionable steps to foster deeper connections. Join us as we discuss overcoming the barriers to genuine relationships and how finding 'your people' can provide a sense of belonging and change your life's trajectory.

Ready to deepen your connections and find your community? Subscribe to the Light and Life Podcast for more inspiring discussions that help you live a more connected and meaningful life. Share this episode with someone who’s searching for their place in the world, or anyone new to the city, church, or college, looking to find their people.

Transcript

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Do you feel disconnected, or maybe do you feel like you've been in the community for a really long time? But you don't know if you could enter into a new community at any given point? Today we're going to talk about all things community. What does that word mean? And how can one single human interaction change the trajectory of eternity? Yeah, you've come to the right place. We're so excited to have you. Welcome back to the Light and Life podcast. Hey. Yeah. We're stuck in our own heads or stuck on our own screens and sometimes we forget that a human interaction can change the world. It can change the course of someone's life forever. It can change eternity. And do we even know how to be? Does it. Mean to you to find your. People? Yeah, find your people. Find the people. Like people will say like, oh, when you find your people like everything. Yeah. Do you like that phrase like intentional community? When you hear the phrase, I want to be an intentional community, or you're like, yay! I want to be an intentional community, or how do you how do you how do you react to that phrase? I didn't know that that was a phrase. Oh, it's a big phrase. Okay. I knew the word community was like big in church culture. Yeah. And, you know, it can mean a lot of things. There's. Yeah, there's like neighborhood communities. There's, you know, school community, there's there's all sorts of communities. What is community? You're finding your people mean. And when you say, I like the phrase intentional. I would have thought, like. What's the context of the community? Yeah, right. Because I'd like it to be intentional. Sometimes I don't want, you know, to go to work and yeah, then be like, hey, you guys, I heard you know, your relationship with XYZ. He's not going to hot like I don't. We're good. We don't have to talk about this. Yeah, I want work to be. You'd rather work to be work like. Yeah. But. Well, I know I hear a lot of people and, I think a lot of, frankly, a lot of people your age, who talk about I want to be an intentional, intentional community. And, and you know, what does that mean. What do I what commitments am I willing to make to be in community, to be in meaningful I think when are you talking about being community. You're being in a, you're talking about being in, in relationship with somebody past the point where you a shiny perfect representation of yourself. Yes, I, I think of my people as the kinds of people that I can sit and say nothing with and feel, feel comfortable with. Now I'm an extrovert, so that doesn't happen that often. But when when I don't have to be on, if you will, I, I can be, I can just be and know that I'm accepted and know that I'm wanted. Yeah. But how do you find that if you're if if you're new to a city, if you're new to a church, if you're new to a college. How do you find your people and everyone everyone craves to belong. Right. Everybody wants to be known and loved. Well it's hard to put yourself out there and times. It's hard to put service. So you're talking to somebody who got married when he was 22. Yeah. So like you ask me, like, how do you find your intentional community? You put a ring on it and then, you know, you start it. Right on. Like, that's my community. That's my people. You know, like, I, you know, I'm we got married really young. And so, so that was like, but at the same time, at the same time. I definitely so I remember as a young man knowing that if someone didn't like me, I didn't want to be around them. And I mean that, like if someone was disappointed in me, I wanted to leave the room. Like, if somebody was and I never wanted to speak to them again. Like if something had gone wrong in the relationship, I'm going to move to another state. Like, we're not going to work through this, I'm just going to leave it. I'm just going to avoid it. And, because I was what you'd call like a people pleaser. And, yeah, honestly, it wasn't until I went through this is. Who would you leave for their comfort or for that person's comfort, or. It was too much like to to think that you don't think that I'm perfect was too much for me. Okay, so you're going to you're getting into the deep waters of Tim's, like, psychological makeup. Now bring it on. It's scary down there. And it goes deep, dark. But but yeah, you know, so, you know, everybody knows this. And my parents got divorced when I was a kid. And sometimes one of the things that you do when you're in, divorced household or people do it in a household that has even more serious trauma is the kids react in different ways. Some kids react like, I'm going to make enough attention through whatever, that you're going to see me no matter what. I'm going to be over here and you're going to see me, and you're going to need to take care of me because I'm going to if I'm not going to take care of, I am going to make it so that you must. I was that kid. Yeah, I gotta say. So I was the opposite of that. Make sense? Which was, here's what I'm going to do for the system. You are never gonna need to take care of me like that. That's like I'm going to. I'm going to present this front, that there's nothing in here that needs taking care of. All good over here. Nothing to see. Good. Move on. You know, so, you know, there's there's nothing going on in here that requires anything of you just, I'm going to be the the peacemaker. The sort of place where everything is polished and. All right. So, so when you're in, when you kind of, you sort of push yourself into that little mold, you know, then when somebody says, yeah, you maybe you were really a jerk the other day, like, I can't believe what you said, and you realize that they're right. Oh, it's devastating. Like, well, we'll never be speaking again, you know? So and just by, you know. Yeah. Just like, change the scene. See, I feel. Yeah. I'm so opposite of that because, well, maybe from like, a parental standpoint, I'm like, love me, notice me, EV, you know? Yeah, I'm gonna you're gonna you're gonna have to take care of all the things for me. Yeah. But from a like, relational standpoint, I would say I'm a people pleaser. But the way that I am is very different. So, like, if I know that someone, doesn't like me, I'll do everything in my power to make sure that they do. Okay. Which in effect makes them hate me more. Okay. Like, okay, I can I remember when. Like you're going to overproduce. Yes. Yeah. It's horrible. It's horrible. And it takes over everything in my mind it takes up way too much okay. Mental real estate. But. I'm going to win my way back. Yes. And so this one girl that I was working with years ago had told people that she thought I was annoying and thought my voice was annoying. So then I like I compliment her, I like, do everything I can to win this girl back. And change your voice. Yeah, well, I can't change my voice. But we'd like to compliment. But I'd be like, I love your shoes. I love your makeup. Which is true. Yeah, I did love those things. However, my intention behind saying that was not guilt free, I was. Yeah, totally being self-serving. It was like, please love me, please accept me. Like, yeah, even though I should be like, hey, you don't even know me. And you said my voice is annoying. That's devastating to me, but I'm going to make it better. And then I drive them to like, drive them away even more, which is even worse because now I've created a situation where I'm even more annoying because I'm trying to show up in her life way more than I like. Yeah. Trying to over push and it's over. Fake. And so. So what is community? Community is when you community is when you've held on past that's. Drive. And you drive. Well, yeah. It could be like a natural drive. But also I think I think community happens when you when you have decided to hold on to each other past those weirdness. And that's. Just like choice. For sure. Which is why for me, like honestly, the first place that I would say that that happened was I went to the Army, I went to basic training, and I was like, well, I always do everything right, so I'm going to do everything right. And, and my, you know, the people who knew tried to pull me aside and say, well, you know, you can't please a drill sergeant, right? Like they're trying to physically train you for war. And so it's actually not possible to do everything that they ask in a perfect way, because if it was, you wouldn't be doing all the push ups that you need to do every day to be trained to go to war. So like the fact that you're, you're and you are not going to satisfy these people, these leaders in your life. And I'm like, I don't know. Let's see you know, I'm going to go do basic training like nobody has ever done basic training because I, I meet the mark. I like, you know what I mean? At basic training. I mean, do they know that I got straight A's, you know, in elementary school? I'm sure. And so, you know, so, so sure enough, you know, I can't get my boots polished enough. I can't get my bunk squared away enough. I can't get my socks folded exactly the way they want. And I'm on the ground pushing push ups, you know, in the dirt. And it took a long time to realize, oh, you mess up, you drop and you do 20 push ups, you get up and the drill sergeant says, all right, drive on and you're okay. Like nothing has happened. Do you know what I mean? Like it's not like, oh, the universe fell apart because I didn't meet the standard. But I bet that that is a big part of community is just we're actually going to hold on to each other beyond these little, kind of psychological hang ups or interpersonal, fantasies that we have about ourselves and about one another. And I'm actually going to hold on to you past the moment where you have really disappointed me, or I have really disappointed you, and we're going to hold on to each other past that. And then we've got this whole category of things right, like forgiveness and reconciliation and renewed relationship and, something broken that's now healed. And that's totally different. I think that's what people need when they say, I want intentional community. I think that's what they're looking for. Yeah, I it reminds me of when well, even in like, yes, friendships. But in romantic relationships you it's so easy to see your, your differences as time goes on. And like the word love I so when older and wiser than me told me love is a choice like you, you love that person not because of all your similarities, but you're choosing to love them through your differences. And it's a matter of like if that's something that you want to continue to do or not. And I think the best community that I've ever had, when it comes to like friendships or people that I know. Would hold me up regardless of how many mistakes that I make. Yeah. Are people that are still choosing to stay committed. Yeah. Choosing to love me for me in my highs and lows, and who choose to see me at my best and at my very worst. Right. I made that commitment to stick. In that which is ultimately I mean marriage is the ultimate emblem of that. Like we're going to, we're going to stay from this point forward. We're making a vow, we're making a covenant, we're making a bond that we're going to stay with one another. And love is not going to be a measure of my feeling that day. It's a I've made a commitment to love you, which is an active verb, that I've made a commitment to make sacrifices for your well-being. And I'm going to do that. And sometimes that's going to result in really warm, heartfelt emotions and feelings, and sometimes that's going to result in, you know, not much feeling at all. But it's, it's love and love is going to keep growing. And so yeah, you've in that, in that, you know, you find a relationship, you're trying to find enough, to grow your, your enough foundation to say, God's calling us to make this bond permanent, like a marital bond, but but, but that. Yeah. How do we how do we break through to, for example, do you like, living with, roommates and sharing the kitchen? He's pointing this out because earlier I talked about how dishes piling up in the sink makes my skin crawl. It's a real problem. So I love it's not. It's not a joyful reminder of your friendships. Certainly not. Yeah, but. But I have sweet friendships, and I am blessed to live with my friends. Yeah, but living with them also reminds me that I'm choosing to be choosing to be there. That's right. Regardless of, like, how we live differently. And, I don't know if you talk about marriage, which is more of a a long term. Yeah. Commitment. And I'm not saying I'm like not committed to my friends, but I will say I'm in my mid 20s and being in my mid 20s. And this is true for a lot of people in their 20s. It's a very transitional time. Like what? Yeah. Like move in and out. Yeah. Of places and relationships pretty quickly. You change jobs, you change romantic relationships, you change, just the context with which you live and live your day to day life. Like you could go to a new gym, you could pick up pottery like you. Yeah. How do you obtain consistency in community when your life feels so transitional? Yeah. And when you're younger, like a year, you're a year there it feels like things are moving really quickly. It's a it can also be the case in your older life that people get, just they get resistant to relationship. You get more isolated, you get more used to your own routine. You've got your sort of goat track that you run around a cycle every week and, and that's fine. Like, and but but what does it mean to get into community? It means getting into places where people know you and still love you, when they know you at your worst, or when they know you at notch is simply not your best. And and they've decided you've decided to hold on to each other in a way that you're going to get past. Just assuming that this relationship is about impressing one another. Like, I know you really like me because I show you these qualities. Well, what if I don't show you those qualities? Do you still really like me? And community is when we get past that and I think God wants us in circles where we're getting past that regularly and with roommates, like we're joking about it. But you're in a season where like you're not going to like, storm out the door, like you're committed to living together. Yes. You know, and that causes that means working through places of friction. And when you look back on it, it one day it won't be those places of friction that are really valuable to you. It'll be that you held together with one another in this relationship. And you were really close even though you had qualities that that grated on each other. You know. Yes. Yeah. So how do you I mean how. Do you do that. How do you find that. Say you're new to the city and you're introverted. Yeah. What do you do. Where do you start. Well so I work at a church and one of the things. Yes. Go on. Fascinating. Really. And, so, you know what? Our churches. What's God doing with church? He's bringing people together. I remember, one of my first, like, Young Life training sessions. Is this as a student or as. I was now a believer and I was in high school and as a sophomore, I was being allowed to lead the junior highers. Oh, cool. Okay. And so it was like, they were letting me train to be a leader as a sophomore. It's like, but my but the yeah, the Young Life leader said, okay, so what really lasts, you know, what really matters? What really lasts. And we were all like, gold or, you know, or what really lasts. The elements lead, very small rocks. And she said, no, no, no, what lasts is relationships. Relationships. You're going to be your boss, your very body, the whole planet, whatever. It's all like, it could all spin apart. But as an eternal soul, you're in relationships with other eternal souls and you're in relationship with God. So what's eternal relationships. And so what is church. Church is a place where God is pulling people into meaningful relationships with themself and with one another. And when you're when you're with Jesus and you're with other people, you can get into relationships that actually matter. That and you can feel the, the, that you can feel the eternity in them. You can feel the, the, the, the everlasting this in them because it matters more that you're in front of another eternal soul than, I don't know that you're having a fun experience. Yeah. So. So step into a church. I mean, it's like. But then. Yeah. Sorry. I'm pressing, but you walk into the doors of a church, there's a massive, at this church, you know, there's a contemporary service, and then there's a, more traditional service. Yeah. So you walk into the contemporary service and there's rows and rows and rows of chairs. Yeah. You sit down, you listen to the sermon. It's great, by the way. And then you walk out into the lobby, you. Run for the car. Do you run. You sprint for the car, sprint for the car. Do you go to the welcome desk? What what's the next move? Yeah. Right. That's a great question. Because I think, first of all, do you like it when you go like, if you, if you go to a church, do you want it to be super dark where no one sees you? Or do you want there to be lights on? And do you like when people turn? What, like stand up and shake your hand? Oh, it depends on what mood I'm in. Yeah, that's a that's a real toughie right there. I think I grew up in Catholic church where you always say, you know, peace be with you and shake the hands with everyone. So they're going into like a more contemporary service. It's like, oh, this is a, a big difference for me. But also when it was like there were times when it was dark and it felt like really reflective and no one can see me like crying while I worship and I like, yeah, I liked that. Right. But then I also really like to be able to see the faces of all the people that are in in the doors. I feel like that's totally personal preference. That's a hard thing. Yeah, for me too. Yeah. I remember I went to Passion City Church in Atlanta, which is, who, Louis Giglio and Chris Tomlin is the worship leader and was awesome. It was as dark as like as, like if you go to cave of the winds and they turn out the lights was that's how dark it was. Like if you tried to move out of the aisle, you were you were definitely tumbling like it was in a kid. Like got his phone out like a like a middle school blackout. And it's like, boom. Like this whole light went on. Yeah. And, so which I had a wonderful time. I actually thought, this is really great. It's me and. Jesus. Yes, but nobody. Can see me. And, so, yeah, there's moments where you just want to be alone and. But then, I find more and more people are saying, look, I came to your church. People insist, like to my face, but people are saying, hey, I got in my car. I went down to church and nobody even turned and saw that I was there. Like, I made this huge. Like, that's a huge thing now, right? It's like I made the commitment, like, I, I googled your church. I looked, I decided, I went, I went in there, I sat down, I got up, I left it, I sort of lingered by the coffee pot for a minute. Nobody even said anything to me. You know, they're insulted by that. Whereas I think actually, just like ten years ago, people would rather say, man, it was so offensive that I came to your church and all these people, like, grabbed on to me, like I, I would rather just come and explore. Just give me some room. Give me some room to explore on my own. But, it's. Hard to navigate. It's hard to navigate. But I think if you're if you're trying to find community, you're trying to break into community as a church, you got to get past the handshake, smile, stage at some in some way, and a church will have a welcome desk or, welcome, host. And you just need to ask them, you know, is there a place like the churchy language now is next step. Is there a next step for me? You could just put a nametag on. So I'm looking for a next step. And, because every church will have a next step and, and, and, you know, but the thing is, are you going to take it like, it's really risky to go into the little room, isn't it? What is the little room? I don't know that I sense like the. Little room is like where. Where the next step was, the. Next step is go. But it's it's like the little room or like you go. That is where you go in our church. Like you go in the elevator, like you go and then the doors close and you're in the elevator with these strange people, and they're going up. You're going up through the glass ceiling. Where are they taking you of? We don't know. It's like Wonka chocolate. It's like the glass elevator goes, and, you know. There's a mind of its own. There's Mike TV and Violet and Augustus Gloop, and you're like, who are these people? Why do I have to live with you? I wanted intentional community. Now I remember perfect, and now you're in this room and somebody is asking you, what do you think about Jesus? And, so, but do you have to have that? You have to take the. Community takes risk. Like everything worthwhile takes risks. You have to take the leap and ask for that next step and then decide, I'm gonna take it. I'm gonna take it. So what do you think now? Even even when people do choose to take that, I. I'd venture to say now it's harder than ever, to find these deep, meaningful. Lasting, Branches. Why do you think. Why do you think that it's harder now? Is it social media? It's, the state of the world. I'm going to peg it on social media, because that's a pretty easy target to put on the wall. Like you can. Cop out. Like, right now. I can throw anything into the air, and it will land on social media as the cause of all ills. But I actually think it is true. Like you train yourself for isolation through social media. Yeah, I don't compare it to that. I don't compare it to that. That's not my experience. That's really funny. Oh, that's super toxic. And you just. But it's all in here. It's all inside your head and in your own heart and in your own little universe and in your own little universe just gets tighter and tighter and smaller and smaller. And then you're supposed to look up and interact with another human being. You're struck with fear, like, I don't understand what happens now. You're going to say something and I can't swipe it away. Yeah. And I have to respond. And I have to probably respond or just run away awkwardly. You know, and like. When you're at the grocery store and you see someone, you know and you're like, I want to say hi, but I don't want to be in a conversation. That ever happened. I can't imagine that at all. You totally can't. And no, I'm I'm pretty regularly in that situation. Yeah, because I'm usually trying to move pretty fast through things, and. Yeah, but people are human, you know, you want to see people and you want to just have that interaction and see where it goes. Because honest truth is, a human conversation has the potential to change eternity. Yeah. Like you enter into a conversation with somebody and the next step out of their, you know, the next words out of their mouth might be, you know what the honest truth is? I woke up this morning realizing I need a new relationship with God or something, and we need to be ready to engage just like that. Whatever was on my agenda now, just there's no way that that compares with the eternal significance of this conversation, right? I think we've lost that because we're running at such a pace. Yeah, we're living on social media. We're living in our own minds. We're too much online, we're too much on screens. We're living at such a pace that we don't even have room to recognize. This human interaction right here might turn, might change eternity. So do you have any personal experience where human interaction or community has made a huge difference? It's made all the difference. So a couple things I remember in my early Christian experience. One was that, going away on Young Life camp was getting on a bus for 22 hours. Oh my goodness. So get on a bus with a bunch of other high schoolers for 22 hours and you don't stop. I'm like, there's a there's a toilet in the back. Yeah. That's community. Who where's the food? That's I have food. I mean, everybody has food. Yeah. You just pack it. Yeah. We might have stopped at McDonald's or some of those the day. You know, those were the days you just ate McDonald's. You didn't care. You just went right in there. Oh, a lot of bad things happen. But at that moment, not. At that moment. Yeah. Maybe later. Felt great. Yeah. But, Yeah. So I remember that that. And then honestly, I did live in a, as a college age guy. I lived in a house with other Christians through the summer with a couple who were there to intentionally disciple us and to encourage us to do outreach, evangelistic outreach in our community for that summer. So that was like that was a big deal. Like I committed to doing that. And, and that meant that we're going to sit down and we're going to know each other and we're going to love each other, at least for this ten week period. No matter what you do to me, or no matter what you say or no matter what I say, no matter what you find out about me or my faults or my, you know, warts and all. Right, my good, my bad. Yeah. Like when you see me crying and missing home. Or when you see me strong and being bold. Conquering the world. Conquering the world. You know, we're going to be together. And that was huge. That was huge. Because, and, you knew that relationships endure being imperfect. It's like what that do. I really don't think that relationships can endure being imperfect. We're all imperfect, right? Right. But you get in that mindset. Yeah. I think same goes for me is when I did the fellows program, five years ago when I first moved to Colorado Springs, it was a group of people that was all put together that I don't know that I would have organically become friends with. Right. But now I talk to them every week, you know, those people saw me again. And my high highs and my lower lows, and still accepted me. And have been a huge part of. Allowing me to feel like I can live freely in who God made me to be, in who he or who I want to be, who I am striving to become when it comes to my relationship with him and with other people. So yeah, belonging has impacted my life in only positive ways. I've never I've never felt a negative feeling towards it. But I have experienced loneliness and yeah, the before and after of putting myself out there to, to be vulnerable with other people. It's only, only positive things have come from being vulnerable with other people. And trust is part of that. And I know in our last vodcast we talked about trust and trust. Yeah, all the things. But, finding a group of people, that you can choose to love and they reciprocate that love there. I feel like it's a little bit of taste of heaven. It is. It is to taste the grace of God's love and grace, faithfulness that you can be known and loved, known and loved, not just loved, not just known, you know, but but known and and loved. And then you feel a little bit of what? Of what God means. But I want to be I want to be with you. I will be with you to the end of the age. So how can we to to wrap up this episode? How can we, extend ourselves? Know and love people that might be seeking this community? I think that's great. And I think so. I would say try to find one of these spaces where wise people have created an environment for you to risk entering community. It could be the next little room at church. You know, the meet us at this room to hear more about our church. It could be a life. Group where the elevator. Or the elevator, it could be a life group where you say, yeah, you know what? I'm going to say yes to the discipleship pastor, the life group coordinator, whoever it is in your church and in our church, it's our discipleship pastor and say, yeah, I want to be in a life group. I'm saying, I've heard it up front. I want to be in a life group. Tell me what to do. Tell me where to go and or jumping in to, some a program like first best fellows. Right. Like the fellows program saying, you know what? This has always been hard for me. I'm going to I'm going to take the intentional step in, fellows, as I leave college, I'm going to get into this, commitment of walking with a certain group of people over a certain period of time. And I don't get to pick. I don't get to pick. These are areas where you're going to find that your lack of confidence that relationships can endure imperfection is not grounded, that relationships are stronger than you think and that you can you can be imperfect. You can make mistakes and still be in relationship. You can be known and be loved. And that's when you enter into genuine community. Yeah. And I, I know we mentioned that it's important to find a place where you're accepted, but I think, you know, being accepted is one thing, but being with people who have your best interest in mind is another. So, listeners, viewers, we'd encourage you guys to overcome the fear of being vulnerable, and finding people who really do want the best for you and not only accept you, but want the best for you. Yeah, I think genuine Christian community is not just I'm loved for who I am, which is really, really big. But that love is also an intention to help you become better, like to help you grow, to help you become who God intends you to be and can see you in that perspective. So part of being known and being loved, like being loved, is being loved also toward, who God intends you to be. And that can mean change like that can mean confrontation. That can mean challenge. And that's part of genuine community. Thank you. Thank you guys so much for listening, for watching. If you're new to this podcast or if you've been here for a while, take a risk. Share this podcast with someone. Maybe even share it with someone that you want to try something new with. There you go. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching and we'll see you guys next time. Have.