Hilary Carver: It's All About Balance

In this episode of The Reframeable Podcast, Emma Simmons sits down with Hilary Carver for a deeply honest and empowering conversation about wellness, mindfulness, and the evolving relationship many women have with alcohol. Hilary shares her personal transformation—navigating post-surgery recovery, fitness setbacks, and the mental health impacts of alcohol.

Together, they explore what it means to find balance across life’s seasons, why weekends can sabotage our best intentions, and how small tweaks can spark big shifts in health and mindset. From non-stimulation walks to mindful indulgence (of course pizza has a place!), this episode is a reminder that wellness is not about perfection, but about progress, community, and compassion.

Whether you're rethinking your drinking, starting a new health journey, or simply looking to feel more empowered in your body, Hilary’s story will resonate.

Hilary Carver is the founder of Balance by Hilary.  She hopes to be known for teaching women how to feel empowered in their food choices by creating a balanced diet. She believes every woman deserves to look and feel HER absolute best.  She also hosts the podcast "It's All About Balance".

Website: https://balancebyhilary.com/

IG: @balancebyhilary

Podcast: It's All About Balance

The Reframeable podcast is brought to you by the Reframe app. Reframe is the #1 app to help you cut back or quit drinking alcohol. It uses neuroscience to reframe your relationship with alcohol and unlock the healthiest, happiest you.

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Transcript

Hilary Carver: It's All About Balance
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​[00:00:00] 

Emma: Welcome everyone to another episode of the Reframeable podcast, A podcast that brings you people's stories and ideas about how we can work to reframe our relationship, not just with alcohol, but with stress, anxiety, relationships, enjoyment, and so much more. Because changing our relationship with alcohol is about so much more than changing the contents of our glass.

This podcast is brought to you by the Reframe app. Reframe is the number one iOS and Android app to help you cut back or quit drinking alcohol. It uses neuroscience to reframe your relationship with alcohol and unlock the healthiest, happiest you. I'm Emma Simmons. I'm a reframer and a life coach and Thrive coach with.

We're excited to welcome Hilary and Carver. Hello. Hi, Hilary's a coach, wellness advocate and all around Sparkle queen. Behind balanced by Hilary.

She hopes to be known for teaching women how to feel empowered in their food choices and creating a balanced diet. [00:01:00] She believes every woman deserves to look and feel her absolute best. And today we're diving into Hilary's story and what balance really means. Welcome, Hilary. It's so good to have you here.

Thank you so much for having me. I, so I saw on your Instagram you've I was trolling your Instagram, not trolling, scrolling through your Instagram and I saw, you're big on wellness, you're big on fitness and exercising and working out. And just before we started recording, I said, I've just been to the gym, done my workout.

I'm still in my gym gear underneath all of this. And I also use the gym and lifting weights is like my mental sanity. It's how I get through life. And I saw on your Instagram, you've just had a surgery, a procedure, and you can't work out so much anymore. How do you. How are you doing? How's that, like, how do you survive without lifting or going to the gym?

Hilary: I'm not gonna lie, I had my breakdown this morning to my mom. I was like, oh, it's so tough because it is I, I wasn't somebody who [00:02:00] exercised before. I played sports when I was younger. I was a cheerleader. I played volleyball, but really in my adult life, no exercise. And so when I had my first kiddo, exercise became so many things for me.

But absolutely it was my therapy and what allowed me to show up and be the best version of myself. And you can certainly feel the effects when you don't get that output out of your body. And it started to build up. I am. My one saving grace. I can't lift the weights right now. I've got an appointment set for two and a half, three weeks.

So I'm like, if I can just so long I'm, I know, but I'm counting down the days. I think that I have to spin it into a positive where I'm like, okay, we're one one day closer, one day closer. But I can walk and I will say, even though it's not the same effect, it's something, it's better than nothing. Yeah. So I've really been using, I've been going on lots of walks.

Even short walks, because yes, I did have surgery and so I'm having to be careful, not overdo it. I did that and was like we don't wanna do that. And then get to the appointment where the doctor's you [00:03:00] should have been rest. You needed a couple of weeks. Yeah. That's been, I 

Emma: remember I did that.

I was like, oh I think I'm fine. A week after surgery I'm fine. I'll go for a walk. And I walked like maybe two blocks and I was like, oh crap. I've over done it and had to like hobble home. It was, yeah. So rest is important, but even like you say, walking , it's not a cardio workout, it's not a HIIT workout.

It's not lifting weights, but it's something to just move your body and feel like you're, I dunno, a bit human. 

Hilary: Yeah, absolutely. And just being able to unplug. I like to go for non stimulation walks. It's my new thing because I'm a big podcast, like I love podcasts. I love music. But my big thing right now, I've been just turning off everything, leaving the phone at home and going for these non stimulation walks.

And that is actually, it's been very therapeutic and really helpful. 

Emma: Yeah. So no headphones, no music, no. Just enjoying nature. 

Hilary: Absolutely. 

Emma: Okay. Is there a podcast? Can you hear that going off?

Hilary: Left my phone in the other room and then didn't even think about my alarm to [00:04:00] pick. I have an alarm to pick my kids up. I was like, oh yeah, I should have thought about that. Which somebody else is getting them. They're not being left. But I was like, I should have thought about the fact my alarm go off, so 

Emma: all the time.

Isn't that a great mum like life hack to have an alarm? Pick your kids up. You have to leave the house. You have to, yeah. 

Hilary: I have one set for everything. And it is a game changer, I will say, because there are times when I'm like, I'm, I'll get caught up in work or being on one of these, walks or something.

I'm like, I'm so thankful I had the alarm to remind me to do the things. Yeah. Because, yeah. Yeah. My kids 

Emma: even remind me. They're like, you've got an alarm set, you're gonna come pick me. I'm like, yes. Yes, babe. I'm coming. Modern technology. It is, it's a lifesaver in some ways, for sure. I don't know how my parents, actually, my parents didn't let me do activities, so they didn't have to remember to pick me up.

Hilary: We weren't being pulled in a million different directions back in the day. Yeah, 

Emma: right. All right, so we were chatting about, where's my chatting about walking? Yeah. So walking, like walking. Sorry, how did you phrase it?

Non stimulation walks. 

Non stimulation walks. Yeah. I like that.

[00:05:00] 'cause that can be quite like, almost like a meditation as well, like just the movement of your feet and breathing and appreciating and like putting your eye gaze further than what, 30 centimeters or, a foot or two in front of your face. 

Hilary: It's amazing the little details of things that I'm like, I don't know that I've noticed, certain things in my neighborhood or animals just so many things that I'm like, I think when your mind is constantly running and preoccupied, you're just not fully present.

And it's been really cool. It was actually a challenge that was given to us in our, in my business mastermind at the beginning of the year. And I've kept it, I kept it up. It was just for the month of January and I've loved it so much. I've really kept it going, especially in my healing process right now.

It's been extra therapeutic. 

Emma: Yeah. Isn't it wild that just, being mindful can be so beneficial in so many areas of our lives? And yeah, look at you. Look at kids and people these days we're constantly connected to something and back in the day, our parents didn't have phones and [00:06:00] constant, emails and messages and notifications and they were able to be, mindfulness was just almost built into everyday life.

And now we've gotta

Hilary: schedule in mindfulness almost. We do. And it's funny how the habits do come back. I've been leaving my phone in other rooms and doing things like that and I found that was so weird when I first started doing it, it was like awkward. It felt like I needed to do something with my hands.

And I've been doing that more and more, especially in spending time with my kids and I'm just realizing like how that habit really becomes a lot more natural when we get back to it. But it takes practice. It's definitely weird in the beginning for sure. 

Emma: Yeah. Back in the old days, didn't we all leave our phones like in the lounge room to charge at night and now they're buy our beds, right?

Heaven forbid someone messages us at 4:00 AM. I dunno. That's absolutely I love that you're, doing things like leaving your phone in the other room. And I know there's apps, I haven't got them yet, but there, I know there are apps that can silence things and so you can focus and 

Hilary: I tried that.

I gotta, it's gotta be in the [00:07:00] other room. It is. I like this. I do the do not disturb during the workday. That's definitely helpful for me. But it's, there's just something, you just grab it, you don't even mean to, or it buzzes and you pick it up. So I found Outta Sight outta Mind is the approach that works for me.

I figured that out. 

Emma: Yeah, I like that. I should absolutely heed your advice on that one. So tell us a bit, like, how did you, this got said, you touched on it a little bit earlier, you had a baby and you were losing yourself as a woman, as a person. 

Hilary: Yeah. I had my first. Kid and I had just developed the unhealthy habit in that pregnancy.

Prior to having him, I was doing the typical college kid thing where I really wasn't healthy. I was living on fast food, energy drinks, chain smoking, drinking and partying. So whoop, we switched into motherhood. And during pregnancy I ate and I ate. And I took the eating for two thing very literally.

And I gained a significant amount of weight in [00:08:00] that pregnancy with him. And I just was naive in what it would look like after I had him. It didn't just fall off. My energy didn't suddenly skyrocket. And I found myself with this little baby and this. Motherhood throws you into it. And I just was like, oh my gosh.

Who am I? And how am I going to show up for him more than anything, as my best self and taking care of myself for him, for me, my family. And so I really found myself in this place of, I've gotta make some really drastic changes to my health and my mindset, my habits that I had never made before.

These weren't, I didn't have healthy habits from before. Remember the college kid life. So I found myself at a place where I was starting from literal ground zero. 

Emma: Yeah. Was there a moment that, in sobriety journeys we often talk about it like a rock bottom or a moment or a click. Was there a moment or was it a gradual oh, I've gotta do something about this?

Hilary: It was a moment and I recall [00:09:00] it so well because it really just, it was so shocking to me in the moment. What had happened was walking into the grocery store with him. I was a stay at home mom, so we're walking into the grocery store middle of the day, and I've got him in his, carrier. He is still like a really small baby.

I think he's about six weeks old at this point. I've got him in the carrier and those carriers are heavy, but still I'm walking into the grocery store and I suddenly, I feel. The weight of my, not only my body, but just the amount of unhealthiness that I had and my joints were ing. I had to sit down, like physically sit down on a bench inside of the grocery store.

They had one to catch my breath. And I thought, okay I can't live like this. Like I was 23 years old. I was so young and I'm like, this is just no way to live. And I knew I needed to get healthier and stuff, and I'd been dragging my feet on it. I was taking care of a baby. I had these priorities, but it was in that moment, my rock bottom moment of, if I don't make a [00:10:00] change, I'm gonna just continue this path.

And so it was that literal day. I'm at the grocery store and I'm like, okay, I don't know anything about healthy eating, but I think we should have some fruits and some vegetables. And I started in that moment, I never looked back. 

Emma: Amazing. I love that. Like I. Whack of reality almost, it hit you in the face of I can't live like this.

I won't, what kind of life is this gonna be for me and my kiddo? If this is where we're at now already so early on, holy molly, 

Hilary: Shaking at 23 years old. I felt like I was living in a body that was aged, so many years. And I'm, I just am thinking I've got the rest of my life ahead of me.

And I, I've gotta do something about this right now. I, there was no delay. I had to do something about it right then for me, for him. And I did, I started right away. 

Emma: So how did you, like what? You're in the supermarket, so you're like, oh, get some fruit and vegetables. They seem healthy. And then what next?

How did you like follow these days we follow people on Instagram and get like ideas and motivation [00:11:00] and Yeah. 

Hilary: How did you Absolutely. Yeah, so for me I did understand the basics of it. So I had gotten my degree in psychology and I understood like my big emphasis was I was all about habit and behavior change.

That was the thing that interested me the most. So I knew, just like from a very basic level, I need to look at what I'm doing that's not healthy, not, moving me forward to, towards this vision of health I have for myself and what can I replace it with. And so for me it was just from a very basic habit level.

I started with, just cleaning up my diet, adding in some fruits and vegetables, less eating out, we were doing lots of takeout, things like that. So we gotta cut back on some of that. Just cooking at home more. And the biggest thing was just moving my body, going for walks, putting him in the stroller, walking around the block.

That first walk was so hard. It was so hard. But, every day we went a little further and we went a little further. And I just built from there from the diet perspective inside of things I'd grown up watching. My mom have a really [00:12:00] tumultuous relationship with her body and food and dieting, and I knew that I did not want to do that to my kids.

I knew I wanted to be an example of balance and we can have, chocolate and that's okay. This isn't bad. We're not being bad. And so I knew even though I needed to lose weight and get healthy, that I wanted to do it in a way that number one was gonna be a good example for my kids. And number two was sustainable because I like food.

I like food. So this idea of cutting things out or doing anything extremely drastic. That would never work for me. I would never be able to stick to it. And I understood. I really wanted to make those changes. So that was what the, getting started with the habits and just moving forward more.

Balance was definitely it. But as far as following people and things, I actually really, how it all began in terms of getting more serious about it was that I was in a Facebook group for moms who were just being active and taking care of themselves. And that was really motivating and being in a [00:13:00] group, I love community.

That's why I built my own with my business. Being in a community, being able to share the highs and the lows and learn from each other was really awesome. And allowed me the opportunity to also see, oh, there are people who've been in my shoes. Because I was so far from it, I was just, it looked like I, I was never gonna get there some days.

But seeing other people, I'm like, oh wow, if they can do it, I can too. And that proof really was something that I anchored myself to in making my changes. 

Emma: Yeah, I love, one of my favorite things about community is that you do, you bounce off people's ideas and you don't know what you don't know.

And someone will post or say something and be like, oh, I just tried, I don't know, steamed broccoli. I don't know why that came to mind. And I added almonds and lemon juice to it and it was a delicious, and you're like, oh, well the only way my mum cooked broccoli when I was a kid was to boil the living crap out of it till it was almost gray.

Oh shit. If, yeah, [00:14:00] until it was mushy and it didn't have much nutrients left. But that's how she learned how to cook. And that's how I learned how to cook. And so I didn't, I don't like broccoli, but if you lightly steam it, add some lemon juice, some almonds, and and it's still crunchy, delicious, but you don't know that until someone else.

Tell, you don't know what you don't know, and so you get all these ideas and you're like, huh, maybe I should give that a try. And then it works for you or it doesn't, but you've tried it and you've tried something different and you're getting curious about what works for you and what you could change.

Yeah. Yeah. I 

Hilary: Love being in the room with people who have the same goals and even if we have very different lifestyles, that was the cool thing. This is women from all over the world and we, some of us are stay at home moms, some of us have full-time jobs, some of us, all these different families and backgrounds.

But we all had this common goal of wanting to better ourselves as moms, for our kids feel healthier. And so the learning from each other, the community, being able to turn to that on the tough days for sure was, it's just invaluable. 

Emma: Yeah. Yeah. I love the community and the support [00:15:00] and it's so awesome that you've built your own community.

Yeah. It's so important and a lot of people, I. I don't know if it's today's society, maybe with your psychology brain you might know, but I don't know if it's today's society, we're quite singular and we don't rely on community as much anymore. Back in the good old days of, I don't know, the fifties, maybe, it was much more of a community focus and you would rely on your community.

And, that old saying, it takes a tribe to a village. A village to raise a kid. Yeah. And that's gone now. So I think, yeah, bringing back these community things is so important. 

Hilary: Yeah. I love the women in our space inside of our community are just. So incredible.

And yeah, it's hard to do it. It's hard to do life on your own. It's it's tough, and it's always great if you've got that resilience, but man, the power of coming together and being able to be uplifted in the moments when you need it the most and uplift others, I think that was such a huge part.

That's how my platform started [00:16:00] was I really just had this experience where I shared what I've been doing and I think it was coming from somebody kind of asking okay, I've noticed. And so I was like, I'll share and. This was a decade ago where influencing sharing on social media was not a thing.

Not a thing. Yeah. It was weird if you were doing this. In fact, I'm sure people were like, what is she doing? But I felt like I had something to share, especially with the method I was using for dieting, because I was pretty like unheard of. People are like, how are you eating pizza and losing this weight and, getting healthy and but yeah, sharing on social media and just knowing you're not alone in the struggles yeah. Is huge. And I love being able to give back in that way and share my story. 

Emma: All right, so how do you eat pizza and still lose weight? 

Hilary: Yes. The amazing thing is, so I talked about the psychology degree. I also, in this, phase of my life where I'm getting healthy and I am sharing it on social media.

I, I loved, helping women and telling them what I was doing, but I wanted to have the [00:17:00] formal education. I did wanna be an expert in what I did. So the psychology degree obviously plays a part in helping women change their habits and their behavior and their health. But I did wanna have the nutrition knowledge and I was just already so interested in it because of how I was doing this diet.

And yeah, I went back to school and got my degree in nutrition alongside my psychology degree. And it's really science. It really just is science. We, we have this budget of calories that we all need to eat, depending on your goal. Sometimes we're just maintaining, sometimes we are trying to lose body fat or even gain body fat, right?

And so long as you're really making up these calorie, or, staying in this budget and yeah, you can fit in the pizza, we, we wanna be cautious or. Aware of things like getting good protein, fiber, fruits, veggies, all of that. But pizza fits in there. It absolutely does. And where most women go wrong is they've been made to believe they can't have the pizza.

So when they have it, they feel like they failed. [00:18:00] They give up altogether. Why even try? So that's what I really love helping women see, and it's always cool to see the wins in our community and with the women. I've been doing this for nine, almost nine years now. So it really is cool to see, women have these mindset transformations on top of changing their habits around food, where they're like.

Wow. I always demonized X, Y, Z, and it totally fits in and it, it takes it off the pedestal when you can have pizza because you understand how it fits into your budget, then suddenly it doesn't become this, yeah. This thing that you binge on and you can really have a healthy relationship with it.

So yeah, it absolutely fits. It's definitely a science side to it. And then I'd say there's like the side that's just like more nuanced to like balance, right? Like it, it all fits in. If we're eating the good stuff most of the time we can have that stuff as well. 

Emma: Oh, I have a great university pizza story.

So I grew up in a very small town where we didn't have many takeaway joints, fast food joints, and we didn't eat out a lot. My parents went big on fast food. So then I moved [00:19:00] to the big city to go to university, and up the road from my university was Domino's, and they did like a $5 lunch special so I could get a whole large pizza for $5 at lunchtime.

And I was like if I eat half a lunch and half a dinner, that's cheap eating. That's economical. So 18-year-old Emma, fresh out of moving out of home didn't realize that eating a pizza every day is like sky high cholesterol. Like I was so unhealthy and like smoking, drinking, eating, pizza. I was doing all of the things that are absolutely, I don't know, I guess it's a crash course.

in growing up how to be an adult I don't know. It was being on your own. Being on your own and making decisions and yeah, you. Could ch you know, was out of home. I was out of my mom's realm. I could choose to eat pizza every day, or I could choose to eat healthy every day. And both of those things were a choice of mine.

But I had to learn the hard way about what those choices looked like. 

Hilary: I do the economical part to that. [00:20:00] Hey, it does make sense, but yeah. We could have thrown in like a little side salad, situa, something to just make that meal a little more nutritious. 

Emma: We probably could have thrown in some exercise as well but 18-year-old Emma didn't understand how the body works, how the world works.

Hilary: No, I don't, there's not many, I don't know that there's just tons of 18 year olds. Some of them are. I'm like, good. I love seeing that this healthy generation coming up. 

Emma: Yeah, it is. It's definitely more the younger generation coming through is more conscious about what healthy looks like.

And they're aware that just being skinny isn't. The goal, it's not about fitting into size, whatever. It's about being healthy and strong and able. Which is, yeah. I've got a 16-year-old daughter who I've, she's just started coming to workouts with me and it's about being strong and being, it's not about fitting into size while in New Zealand it's size six for you guys to be size two or whatever.

Yeah. But yeah, it's about building those muscles and preventing injury. And, she's a cheerleader, she's a back [00:21:00] base, so she's gotta be strong and lifting and throwing people. So we need her to be strong and Wow. It's about 

Hilary: the back base. Life broke this, broke the nose several times. Oh, don't.

Keep your head back. Yeah. No, that is amazing. I do. I love that. And so many of my clients have daughters. We have this conversation a lot about what if I, I am trying to take better care of my health. And we have so many conversations around how do we do this in a way that empowers our children and helps them see it in this healthy light?

And I really believe it's all about how we're framing, how we're talking about this kind of stuff, and again, my mom, who I shared her story as far as me watching her diet in this way. And probably the coolest part of our story I get goosebumps, is when I started, losing the weight and feeling better and getting healthy and eating this balanced diet, my mom was like, okay.

What are you doing? And she went on to lose. I taught her, she went on to lose 110 pounds. Wow. And at 60 plus years [00:22:00] old, get in the, you wanna talk about somebody's strong lifting weights in the gym? She looked deadlift more than me now. This woman is incredible. And so it's really cool to see the trickle down effect up and down.

Yeah. But I do believe, like how we're framing, taking care of ourselves and, I talk to my boys all the time I gotta eat this, make sure I'm getting the right portion so I've got enough food to fuel my body because I gotta have energy to get through the day and protein to keep my muscles strong.

And so really is all about how we're framing, talking about these things. But I love that for your daughter. That's amazing. Yeah. I 

Emma: love how you talk. Leading by example or just like leading your light shine and showing the world that this is how you can do, and your mom was like, oh my gosh, what are you doing?

So she was, she can see it within you. She can see that you're glowing and you're getting healthy and stronger and a more amazing mom. And she was like, I want what you got. So let's, yeah. I love that. Just, sometimes you don't need to, I don't know, prophesize what you're doing sometimes just being who you are is enough for people to go, oh [00:23:00] wow, that's amazing.

Whatcha doing? Yeah. Whatcha doing? Let's do that. So I was looking on your Instagram. Of course scrolling. And you have a whole section about alcohol and you say you don't have an addiction. I'm the opposite. I very much cannot have one glass of anything, or we go down a very slippery rabbit hole.

But what's, so that being said, I think my lead into sobriety and how I realized that alcohol wasn't good for me was through I wanted abs and for whatever some trainer was like, maybe stop drinking alcohol and the weight will drop off and you'll get abs. So that was like my lead in also perimenopause chats as well about how alcohol's so bad for the female body.

And so I had this stuff coming in my mind and then slowly but surely it all sunk it. And so what's your thoughts philosophy on, and women and fitness. 

Hilary: Yeah, I love this so much. I love [00:24:00] it. Yeah. And I very much understand the can't have one drink. My husband is getting ready to celebrate two years this week.

We're so excited. Amazing. Yeah. 

Emma: Oh, we almost have the same sobriety date on two years at the end of this month too. Yeah. 

Hilary: Okay. Awesome. Yeah, he used Reframe the entire time, still reads it every morning. So we love that. For me I and this is I'm really actually so excited because so many of my clients now are consuming less or have cut it out completely.

And I was hesitant to share, I was hesitant to share this story because if I'm telling you it's all about balance, you can have these things, but then I'm telling you I'm not really having this one as much anymore. It was a scary a scary story to tell because I was fearful of, how people would receive it, which is.

Kind of crazy when you think about it. Because I'm in the health field. But still with my positioning it just was tough. But ultimately I'm so thankful that I planted my flag on my story because [00:25:00] Yeah. My, my story was not one of I can have the drink. It, It's, I've always moderated super well, that's never been an issue for me.

I've always had a really healthy relationship with alcohol, but for me, there was a turning point where Covid era had me consuming more, and I didn't really consume that much. It would be more of have the margarita fun, have a drink, but then I didn't really consume that much otherwise, vacations, maybe things like that.

But Covid era was it was just a change. I know a lot of people had that experience and I remember talking to my therapist about it and she was like, look, I'm hearing this a lot right now. Lots of consuming more alcohol. And so I started consuming more and I 

just rock bottom a moment 

for me.

It really was a night at, he was my boyfriend at the time, my husband now where we went out and the next day I just felt miserable. Now up to that point, I had consumed alcohol, never had an issue. I really never what had hangovers, never had [00:26:00] issues. And I lost a hundred pounds and I still consumed alcohol.

So there was this, it's fine. Don't really think. I had the education and awareness around what alcohol does to your body, what it is to your body, what you know. And I think that in, in that moment, that morning, we were going to, hang out with our kids on a boat and all this.

And I'm like, I don't know that I can get on this boat. And I thought. Is alcohol gonna steal this day for this beautiful day we've had planned for me. And I thought back and thought, I've had many days where alcohol stole the day from me. I just don't. I don't want that anymore. And it was just it.

It really just was a matter of, I. Kind of noticing that every time I drank, I didn't recover well, my workouts for the whole week were terrible and my energy was low, and I had the worst "hangxiety" that I already have anxiety. So that was just fuel on the fire for me. And so I started just having these negative effects until it got to a point where I'm like, it's [00:27:00] just really not that worth it to me anymore to consume in the way that I was.

So when it comes to me, from a health perspective, I went down the rabbit hole as my husband started his sobriety journey with him. Reading the posts, reading what everything reframe, educated us on about what alcohol does to your body. And so I planted my flag and said, you know what?

I'll tell you, you can lose weight and drink. How come I'm not gonna science right? You can, but I'm also gonna let you know that if you're here to get healthy. We gotta have a conversation, and we also need to talk about, most of my clients are perimenopause and menopause. We gotta talk about how you are throwing gasoline on a burning fire.

So it's been an interesting journey, but it has been really cool to share my experience because so many women do believe they have to have this really bad relationship with alcohol, right? If you quit drinking or you start consuming less that must mean that you have a problem. But it's totally okay to just [00:28:00] decide, this doesn't serve me, it doesn't serve my goals, it doesn't serve how I'm showing up as a mom and my health and my fitness, my mental health, right?

So it's actually been cool to, to lead with that story of, it doesn't have to look like what it does for some people. You can just decide this really doesn't work for me and isn't serving me anymore. 

Emma: I think one of the important things about when we think about alcohol and. Consuming alcohol. It's some it's one thing, like you say, if you've got a negative relationship with alcohol and you need to address it for, if you're a big drinker or if you're a problematic drinker. But it's also really good to know the science behind what alcohol actually does to our bodies.

It's not a completely harmless drink. Even having just one drink a night particularly when you're perimenopausal, can be so problematic. And it's, it, the hormone stuff that it messes with your hormones and it can mess with your joints and your blood pressure and your everything.

And so I think that's really, it's important to know and be educated on what we are [00:29:00] doing. We educate ourselves on the supplements we take, we educate ourselves on how much we're lifting or whether we're doing weights or doing cardio. Yeah, it's really good to educate ourselves on what alcohol's doing to our body as well.

Hilary: And so many women don't know. They, they still believe that the glass of red wine helps their heart health. And I just I think that's it is, when I'm having conversations with my clients around this topic, if you feel great, I great, but if you're telling me that you're sleep is trash, and so therefore the next day you don't wanna show up for your workout and you're snacking in the afternoon, and all these things.

That are negatively impacting the health goals that we're working so hard. And we can always point it back to you did all these things, you took care of yourself, but you had those two glasses of wine. We gotta address it. We've got to, but so many women truly don't know. So I think that's, that is a cool part, is educating women on how it's impacting them.

And if they aren't feeling at their best and they do want [00:30:00] optimal health, especially in the perimenopause, all of the hot flashes and all of the things that, yeah, those night sweats aren't gonna get any better. We're also tossing and turning because we had alcohol. So Yeah. The, it's so many women just truly don't know.

Emma: Yeah. It's and it's, I guess it's people like you that are doing, a service to women everywhere. And there's so much talk about perimenopause these days and alcohol and how it does impact you, that it's actually nice to. Talk about it and get some information and know a little bit about yes, it's alcohol does affect your sleep and it is not going to help your hot flashes.

And yeah, you are gonna wake up feeling a little worse for wear and yeah. I didn't know about the afternoon snacky thing though. That was, that's new to me. 

Hilary: It's, I'll tell you because one of the conversations I'm having with women who are trying to reduce their body fat is the conversation of when your body has alcohol in it, it has to decide what it's gonna do and it's gonna shut off that fat burning so that it can rid itself up this toxin.

And [00:31:00] if we're only looking at things from a calorie level, then okay, maybe you did fit it in, but this is where we've gotta have conversations around. It's more than just calories, right? This is impacting the fat burning and things like that. But where I would say I really see the most is sleep. If your sleep is affected, what really the next day is happening is, yeah, you now you're sluggish, you're behind, right?

You're, you don't wanna do your workout, you're not moving as much, but when you're tired because you didn't sleep well, suddenly we're dealing with hunger hormones and you're not feeling as full as you would. You're not feeling satiated. And then also, yeah, you're looking for the snacky.

That's when the snacky crunchy chips and things like that comes in. It's stimulating and yeah, your body's craving, that kind of stuff. So that's where, again, it's this like, where does it all begin? And we can trace it back to, if we're consuming alcohol and our sleep is not well then suddenly it snowballs into all of these other things that you might not [00:32:00] otherwise put together.

Emma: So what's, you've been doing this for nine and a half years now. 

Hilary: I think you said nine. It'll be, it's almost nine years. We're almost at nine years. Yeah. 

Emma: Yeah. So is there anything that you still find tricky? Like it's, the beginning is tricky for everyone, but is there anything that you still struggle with?

Hilary: Yes. Weekends because, during the week you're so routine. You're, you're working, you've got this schedule. And even though my schedule's pretty busy and chaotic with kids' activities and all the things, like I can really settle into a routine. But weekends are definitely tough because weekends are where we want to just.

Ah, let loose and just throw in the towel. This is something that's, it's an obstacle for my clients and it still is one that will pop up for me, certainly is, not treating the weekend like a vacation from my goals and, stepping away completely from my health habits. And I have been able to totally transform my mindset around to the [00:33:00] weekends.

But, I'll still sometimes have that, especially with weekend drinks on a patio. Like sometimes my mind still wants to go there. It's oh, it's been a stressful week, let's go do that. And, that was probably the hardest part of reducing alcohol for me is that, that goes along with eating out and.

Socializing and all of these events and things, and we go to the lake, we have so many activities we do that are centered around food and drink and all of this. So having to transform my mindset around does the food and the drink actually serve me in those moments and how to balance it. Can I have some without, overdoing, eat the whole pizza, and so weekends are definitely still one that I have to be really mindful of and cautious and, I don't look for perfection in that area, but I definitely like to wake up on Monday morning feeling refreshed and not run down. So it's been one that I've been pretty hardcore about making sure that I do that, that I used my, use my weekends restfully and don't go off the rails all weekend and wake up in a food como on [00:34:00] Monday.

Emma: Yeah, 

Hilary: actually resting on the weekend 

Emma: and actually taking the weekend to recover and get ready for the week ahead instead of. Burning the candle at both ends and then still trying to keep going. For sure. Yeah. 

Hilary: Yeah. I think that only other thing would be my, scheduling things and I am busy.

I have a lot, going on, and so prioritizing myself and finding time to, get my workout in when I'm, serving my clients and saying, Hey, don't forget to get your workout in. But also, what about me with all the hats I wear, prioritizing time and making time for myself.

It's become pretty automatic, but I still, I'll find myself saying, oh, just skip the gym and, work on this or whatever, and I have to really stop myself and say, no, that, that time is for me. So those are probably the two the two things that get me a little bit. 

Emma: Yeah. So how, if you're not.

You talked about, wanting to reduce stress and you've had a big week and you wanna just chill out and relax and and often our brains go to having a drink on the patio [00:35:00] too, as our stress reduction. But what are your go-tos instead? 

Hilary: So the biggest thing for me that I've found and we've been doing this, is just planning something fun.

Things like going for a hike, seeing something new, doing some, a new activity, just switching it up. I think that sometimes it is getting in that habit loop of what we do is just go to a restaurant or, eat or drink. So almost finding something fun to do, especially in the beginning, I think that was a little more important.

I needed sort of something to preoccupy and so I have found that, just finding new ways to move, we love hikes and things like that has been incredibly helpful. I. And also just seeing, I, one thing that I do is I play the tape forward. This is like my go-to is I play the tape forward of how do I wanna feel on Monday morning or tomorrow morning.

I wanna wake up and enjoy my cup of coffee. I wanna sit on the patio, I wanna enjoy, and I don't wanna have regret about what I did last night. So it's a [00:36:00] mindset trick to, to say to myself, I am stressed that, but am I gonna be more stressed if I wake up tomorrow in, in a negative?

Yes. So playing the type forward is a big one for me. 

Emma: Yeah. Getting outta nature is such a good de-stressing tool. It's amazing how much of a sort of mindset shift and shift it has on our body just by being outdoors, smelling actual fresh air, smelling nature. It's, yeah. So important. I love that.

And like you said, scheduling time for yourself to make time for it, not just hoping that there's time. Sometimes you need to schedule that hike and schedule that self-care and which kind of takes the fun away out of the the spontaneity of self-care or, but we've gotta do it. It's so important.

I thought I 

Hilary: could fit, sometimes I can fit that stuff. It'll happen naturally sometimes. But I do love having something to look forward to okay, we've got this, we're gonna try this. We've never been to this trail before, [00:37:00] whatever. And sometimes it is stuff that pops up spontaneously let's go play pickleball or something random.

Emma: Yeah. So you didn't, you weren't super sporty as a kiddo, but now you are you're encouraging your kids to play sports and be active and, yeah. 

Hilary: Such a huge part of my want and desire to get healthy was, again, I didn't have a picture of health. And we lead by example and I wanted my boys to see me active and healthy and, able to run around and yeah, have healthy habits.

Do things like we, we hike, we, we are always at the pool. We golf, we play pickleball in the yard. We're always throwing the football, we're always going for walks. They go on the walks with us and they're both very sporty. My youngest loves hockey and my oldest is all sports. But yeah, we play golf together.

We do all these things. And I think that to me is the best gift I can give them is seeing it. Because you can tell your kids all day, you should be healthy, you should exercise, but. They're [00:38:00] paying attention to what we're doing. They're seeing it. And I took that philosophy with food and with exercise that I wanted to do the best I could to show them a healthy example.

Emma: Yeah. That's awesome. Like we say, people learn from watching us, showing up, seeing how we feel. Amazing after playing golf, going for a hike, doing a workout, playing hockey, whatever. It's they see that, dopamine buzz ridden all over us that looks good, looks attractive. People want that.

Yeah. How would you, so if someone was starting out was like, okay, I need to, I know there's things that I've gotta change. I'm not happy with myself, with my eating, with my body. I feel sluggish and sleeping well. What's, where do you start? What do you do first? 

Hilary: That's the hard part, right?

Because it's so over, it's so overwhelming. It's like we're so bombarded with. Social media and it can be a great thing and it can be a detriment because this person says I should do this, and this person says, [00:39:00] that's the complete wrong thing, don't do that. So I, I feel for women and anyone trying to get healthy in this digital age, I'm glad I started 10 years ago.

I thought it was overwhelming then with all the options. But man we've got it tough now. And so what I always wanna say to anyone is, you don't have to overhaul everything today. You don't. And in fact, that's just gonna backfire. You're just gonna burn out. I'm really big on, for so many people when they go into making a change, it's it, is this all or nothing Thinking with health habits specifically, there are certainly cases where all or nothing and being more black and white about it are appropriate.

But when it comes to health habits, I. When you have a mindset of balance and a gray area, and you don't strive for perfection, you don't go from zero workouts to I'm gonna workout every single day this week, then you can really set yourself up for, building momentum. And if you're wanting to get started, I feel like picking one thing, one thing, and everyone's that's not fun.

And I'm like, [00:40:00] one thing, I just one thing. And how can you just do 1% better in that area? It again, we tend to think we need to, in order for it to count and we've gotta just, do it 100% or we may as well not do it at all. So picking, if you find that your diet is what's leaving you really sluggish, then that might be a great area.

And with that it might be, let's reduce how much takeout we're getting. Let's start cooking more meals at home. Let's start adding in more servings of vegetables, something small, something doable, something realistic. And from there you build from there. You get and you will build because you'll be like, Ooh, okay.

You'll see those positive effects. That momentum will get going. You'll. You'll feel good. I always say as a coach, I would rather my clients set small almost. That's silly. I know I can do that. Goals, right? It's measurable, so we can build on it and realistic and set these lofty goals that are unattainable that you're never gonna reach.

And then you're left with [00:41:00] feeling beaten down because you're like why I couldn't do it. So I would rather you set small goals and I think starting small sounds cliche, but it really is so key. And from there then the next week, okay, we've got this, we've got this going, we've got this one. So now we can add whether it's turning up with the nutrition or now maybe we can add the movement and whatever order somebody goes in, there's not a wrong or right.

But picking for you what feels doable and realistic at this time. 

Emma: Yeah, I love that of you've got, there's no you must start by walking every day or you must start by changing your diet. No, it's what. Yeah. Where's your baseline? What is it about where you're at that you want to reflect on and you feel like could be tweaked first.

So it, yeah. Is it, instead of having takeaway seven nights a week, maybe it's six nights a week, maybe we, maybe instead of having a takeaway, you get, a pre-cooked meal from the supermarket. Slightly healthier than a takeaway. Yeah. Still don't have to cook a whole heap. [00:42:00] But yeah, small tweak, small steps, tweak.

Hilary: Yeah, absolutely. And I think that also helps you individualize it. I think so often we're trying to do what somebody else is trying to do. Like you were saying, you you see what somebody else is doing. You try it, which is always great. It's good to take inspiration, but ultimately you have to make it work for your life.

If you're just trying to fit into somebody else's box of health, they may, what they do might work for them. If, I've got women who work from home, women who don't, their lives are so different, and so you've gotta really make it work for you. And so I think when you take the small steps and you look at, what am I doing?

Audit, audit your habits, what am I doing? What's this one thing I can tweak that helps you again, make small changes that build momentum over time, but also individualize it so that it works for you.

Emma: So for you, what does balance.

Hilary: For me it really is about living intentionally in a way that, is aligned with where I'm at in this season. I think that I. [00:43:00] I've had all these different seasons. I started this journey let's see, he's 11, so yeah, like 11 years ago, almost 12 years ago now. And the season of life I was in when, he was a baby to the season of life when I had two toddlers and I was a full-time student building a business to where we are now.

It's just, I've had to learn to adapt my balance to the season that I'm at. And it's changed. It has, there's been seasons where I was putting more into certain buckets, but at the end of the day, my health and taking care of myself is number one. It will always be number one because I can't.

Take care of anybody else or do all these other things that I need to do if I'm not taking care of me. So balance is really about finding, that level where I can pour into everybody else because I'm making sure that I'm taking care of too. And from the perspective of how I eat and move my body, it's just never about perfection.

I don't hold myself to any kind of standard that I have to do [00:44:00] it a hundred percent all the time, but rather, I'm doing the best I can when I can and I'm taking care of myself and making sure that I prioritize eating well, but still enjoying the pizza being nutritious and still making sure that I enjoy the fun foods and take care of myself and exercise in ways that feel good and aren't punishment.

And so that's really what it's been about for me is learning to adapt to the season and just stay aligned with health and making sure that I pour into me so that I can pour into everything else that I do. 

Emma: Yeah I love that you talk about the seasons. 'cause holy moly, studying with two toddlers, whoa toddlers are hard enough when you're, a stay at home mom.

But studying and trying to absorb more knowledge into your brain as well as, parent these little humans. And that's phenomenal. And I can't imagine how you would find time to, or space or capacity to be able to do any kind of self care, but I guess, maybe it's a walk with your toddler and the stroller, or [00:45:00] maybe it's, having a pre-made salad

Hilary: Anything that allows me to feel my best, fuel my body get moving again. Doesn't always have to be the hour lifting weights in the gym. It sometimes it is. Those small things, I call 'em my non-negotiables, what's the bare minimum things that I can do?

I operate on a dial. Sometimes that dials down. We've got a, we've got a study, we've got things going on, but then there's seasons where you can turn the dial up and so instead of shutting off completely, just rotate up and down as needed because you have different seasons of life. Demand different versions of me for sure.

Emma: Yeah. And being aware of your body is something, I don't know a lot of us are good at, like being aware of how do I actually feel like, yes, I'm tired, but. What's that tiredness linked to? Is it because I'm not sleeping? Is it because I'm not nourishing my body? Is it because I went too hard in the gym?

I exercised too hard? What is the, although if you exercised too hard in the gym, I guess [00:46:00] you need to nourish your body enough to get you through, right? Yeah. So being, do you do any kind of meditation practice or body scans to, to try and connect your, to your aware of your body? 

Hilary: Yeah. I use the Calm app and I've used that forever.

Like forever. Yeah. And I also, in my mastermind that I'm in, we do breath work sessions. That's new to me. I've never done that until just recently. So I'm diving into that. I, it's. Meditating is a tough one for me. I'll say shutting that's why the non simulation walks are a start because I am I definitely am always running and going, so having to slow down is something I'm having to practice.

That is why it is a practice. But yeah I, I use these methods throughout the week and that helps me just center and remind myself to have self care and take care of myself. But making time for it is sometimes a tough part. 'cause usually you need a little time for those.

Emma: [00:47:00] Yeah. And quiet time. My sister has three young kids and she was trying to get into a meditation practice and try to help her with, anxiety and. Being a, stay at home mom with three kids and the stresses that come with that. And someone suggested meditation. So she had this app and she was like, I'm gonna do deep breathing for 60 seconds or something.

And her toddler at the time, or maybe it was three or four, came in and was like, mom, how long are you gonna be meditating for? And she was like, I've got 60 seconds of deep breathing. And he was like, okay. 60, 59, 58. And she was like, this is not relaxing. Meant finding that. Yeah. Yeah. Finding that space and that quiet and that calm is hard, but so important.

Yeah. Yeah. Try meditating with a toddler or a child counting, counting down for you. Not relaxing. 

Hilary: Bedtime only. 

Emma: Yeah. Yeah. Now we can count backwards when you're going sleep. Thank you. Yeah. Count back from a hundred. 

Hilary: That's the problem is I would do it at bedtime and then I'd [00:48:00] be out and I'd be like I guess I fell asleep.

Emma: Oh yeah. I do. I'm using, I've used the Calm app of, I'm currently using Insight Timer. Oh yeah. And they have like sleep affirmation, meditations, and so it'll, like I fall asleep with someone telling me that I'm wonderful and I'm strong. 

Hilary: I love those. Those are so good. I love like the imprinting that's happening on your brain.

The psychology degree in me just loves that kind of stuff,

Emma: yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I'm terrible at affirmations, looking in the mirror, telling myself those kind of things. So if I can fall asleep with someone else telling me gold, it's gotta be doing some good somewhere.

Hilary: Yeah, absolutely. I love that.

Emma: So we do, we like to wrap up with something completely off topic. It doesn't have to be related to what we've checked about, but just, a little nugget. I was today years old when I learned so my nugget of the week is I can make friends anywhere. So yesterday I had to I didn't have to, we had a work conference, so we all work remotely in New [00:49:00] Zealand and we all convened on Auckland, CBD, so we were on fluent from everywhere.

And instead of sitting in a car for an hour and a half and paying for parking, I decided I would catch public transport buses, made friends on the bus, got sitting at a bus stop, go chatting. I was like, oh, are you heading into the city? Yeah, me too. Or what bus are you catching? Oh, I'm catching that bus too.

And we just sat there chatting. I was like, wow, I can really make friends. Anywhere people are generally nice.

Hilary: Really Are they are that, that's so awesome. And see that's the putting the phones away thing, yeah. Getting like actually interacting, connecting with humans. It's amazing.

Yeah. We used to do that all the time. 

Emma: Yeah. Yeah, I made a friend on the, but I don't, I don't know his name. I don't know. Opera. Many of us see him again, but I can make friends anywhere. That's my negative the day or nugget the week. Do you have a, anything you've learned this week, 

Hilary: nugget of the week?

I was today years old when I learned how to use a power washer. Okay. So I've never, do you know about a power washer? 

Emma: Like a water? We call them water blasters, but yeah. [00:50:00] Yeah. 

Hilary: I, now I'm obsessed and I wanna power wash everything because we did our, outside of our house, I've never used one of these before.

The most set. You wanna talk about how I'm gonna stress relieve on the weekends? Now it is with the power washer. So therapeutic. So I'm like, how have I never done this before? So I will be doing the driveway and the sidewalks. I did the outside the house, I did my whole porch and I'm like, I can't believe I've never used one of these before.

I feel like I could start a business, maybe, I don't know. So this is my new thing this week. I'm telling everyone, I'm like, I love power washing. So that is my, that's like my it's my new find. 

Emma: I love that. I always feel like Laro Croft or something with a flame through. I'm like, 

Hilary: oh, my arms. I was like, I was getting it.

I loved it. 

Emma: I love that. It's awesome. Yeah. Power wash for a great arm and shoulder workout and to feel good and the satisfaction of when it's all clean. So good. So good. So good. All right, thanks everyone for listening to this episode with our special [00:51:00] guest, Hilary Carver. You can find Hilary on Instagram at balance by Hilary.

And is that the best way for people to contact you? Yeah, thank you. Absolutely. 

Hilary: On Instagram, social media at Balanced by Hilary, and then my website is balanced by Hilary.com. I keep it all the same. Awesome. Yeah. Easy. I love that. 

Emma: Thanks Hilary. The Re frameable podcast is brought to you by the Reframe app. Reframe is the number one iOS and Android app to help you cut back or quit drinking alcohol. It uses neuroscience to reframe your relationship with alcohol and unlock the healthiest, happiest you. If you're enjoying this podcast, please like, subscribe and share with those that you feel might benefit from it. If you have a topic you'd like us to cover on the podcast, send an email to podcast at Reframe. I. 

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