Transforming Through Adversity: Ben Williams on Identity, Well-Being, and the Art of Positive Change

Have you ever witnessed someone completely redefine their identity and come out stronger on the other side? Our guest, Ben Williams, epitomizes such a transformation, evolving from a military career into a beacon of personal development and holistic well-being. His inspiring journey through a life-altering injury to prioritizing mental resilience and spiritual alignment is a profound narrative of reinvention. As your host, and self-appointed 'Chief Energy Officer,' I'm thrilled to bring you a conversation bristling with the kind of contagious energy that has the power to reshape leadership and personal relationships. Together, we delve into the significance of self-awareness, the impact of our energy on others, and the art of choosing our responses to life's challenges for a harmonious existence.

We often overlook the simple yet potent facets of our daily routine that hold the key to personal growth and familial bonds. Ben and I shine a light on these life-altering rituals, from rising without the jolt of an alarm to the emotional release of journaling. Discover how a carefully curated morning ritual can equip you with the tools to manage your energy and propel you towards your goals. Within the tapestry of our conversation lies an exploration of the delicate balance between personal and professional obligations, emphasizing the transformative effect of setting boundaries and choosing gratitude over grumbles.

As we wrap up our heartfelt discussion, we share insights on how intentional changes to routines ripple out, enhancing every aspect of life. Ben and I reveal our personal strategies for achieving work-life harmony, the power of being present with our loved ones, and how a shared calendar with our partners can be a game-changer for communication. This episode is more than just a trove of actionable insights—it's a rallying cry for anyone seeking to elevate their journey towards success and well-being. Join us and witness how embracing change, fostering positivity, and nurturing relationships can fundamentally uplift your life.

Transcript

Ben Williams: 0:00

I had this identity that I can no longer align with, because it wasn't going to be in my reality, of being special operations, of being this person that I had created, and so I just said, okay, and this this is the question that's got me through a lot is well, this sucks, but what's next?

Ty Backer: 0:18

Yeah, welcome back everybody. Thank you for tuning in. We're back in York, Pennsylvania, where it's cold as hell. We got a bunch of more snow last night and I think they're calling for more snow this week, and we have a great, phenomenal guest today with us Ben Williams. Ben Williams, how are you, buddy?

Ben Williams: 0:36

Dude, I'm doing incredible. I'm excited to be here. Thanks for having me.

Ty Backer: 0:38

You're welcome, you're welcome. And so, ben, we were talking earlier that how you are new to our show, not new to the industry, though You're into all the things that we're all into and the things that we discuss on a daily, weekly basis here on behind the tool belt and any other function that we're involved with. But, man, it seems like I'm looking forward to our new relationship. You know forging this new relationship and stuff, because what little research that I did on you. It looks like you're.

Ty Backer: 1:12

You know you're a health nut, you're in a real estate, you're in. You know investments, you're a personal coach and all the things that I hold true and close to my heart. You know the personal growth, the development, the mind, the body and the soul and, of course, investment and family and all that stuff. So let's dive right into it. Man, why don't you? Typically we go through? You know what it was like, you know how you got here and what it's like now, but tell us a little bit about yourself and your journey and your personal growth and health, as well as your, your work and personal coach coaching and your being a realtor.

Ben Williams: 1:53

Yeah for sure. So a little bit of like my history. Prior to getting into business, I was in the military for a while. So I was in the special operations community for about two and a half years. Right after high school. I was a firefighter, emt, and then enlisted into the military, did that, went through, you know, special forces selection, went to rasp and then ended up getting medically discharged in October of 21. I actually broke both my legs and was super down bad. And I kind of went through this time where, right after I broke my legs, probably one of the guys that was closest to me actually passed away and I remember checking my checking account and I had $736 and I was like I'm never going to let myself be in this position where, if somebody that I love or has love for me, or we're in relationship and they need me whether it be financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, whatever that has to look like like I want to be that person. I want to be that person that people can lean on. And I had a moment of reality where I had to look at myself and I was like I am not that man right now and that was hard, but I'm glad I have, as painful as it was, was the best thing that happened to me. And then that was that's been three years ago. And then I got on.

Ben Williams: 3:09

After I got medically discharged, I got on a path of personal development, really took my health serious. I think prior to that it was a lot more of like I just want to get big and I just want to be strong, and now it's a lot more of like the durability of my body and actually being able to last in situations. And then I also got very serious about learning about money. We can go into that. You know my real estate career and stuff like that really dialed into that. But the biggest thing for me was just, honestly, my mental game and then the spiritual aspect of and we kind of touched about it before we got into this was your higher self, your higher purpose. And so those were the biggest things for me is dialing in my mental game and then getting in alignment with what my higher self and what my purpose truly is on this planet. So went through that and that's kind of been the last three years. And then here we are.

Ty Backer: 4:01

Love it, Love it, Love it. Let's unpack that situation where you broke your legs and you mentioned you know it was probably the best thing that ever happened to you. What do you mean by that?

Ben Williams: 4:15

So when that happened, I was 21 years old and the only thing that I ever knew in my life to be true was I want to be special operations. I want to be the most badass guy that I can be. I want to be super tough and rigid and nobody can break my shell and I just want to be as tough as possible. And that was my identity. I wanted to be a person that nobody really knew. I wouldn't let people get close to me, but I held that identity as like, I want to be a ranger, I want to be tough.

Ben Williams: 4:44

And then, you know God, the universe, reality, hit me pretty hard and was like we don't, we don't care what you think, this is your, this is what's going to happen. And so when I broke my legs, I was so. I broke my legs beginning an airborne school, jumping out of planes. I had stress fractures on my right leg and they basically were like you continue to train but your legs are going to break or you can just go ahead and start the discharge paperwork and, being 21 in full testosterone, I said, no, I'm going to keep training. And then, fair enough, ended up breaking my legs about two months after that. But anyways you want to say.

Ben Williams: 5:23

You know, after that happened, I remember laying in this bed and forbidden Georgia and I was like who's been who? Who even am I? And it was very, very hard to accept that. I didn't even know who I was. I had this identity that I can no longer align with because it wasn't going to be in my reality, of being special operations, of being this person that I had created, and so I just said, okay and this is the question that's got me through a lot is well, this sucks, but what's next? I'll just go, this sucks, but what's next? And then I was like, all right, I want to be a person of impact, I want to care about people, I want to be there for people like my buddy that passed away. I want to be that guy. And then that's what sparked the identity shift that became let me become this person that actually loves people and actually cares about people and lives a life of purpose, not just for what I think my purpose is.

Ty Backer: 6:34

Yeah, yeah, no, it's, and it's funny. And the reason why I asked you about that was is because you know, looking back now I'm sure you know, in fact then you you didn't see the opportunities or why this was happening for you and not necessarily to you. You know, and it's hard to see that the light at the end of the tunnel when you're going through so much pain, but through that pain comes growth, right, we, we can. At that moment you have a decision to make, like, am I going to just continue laying in this bed and what was me? Or am I going to decide which, which path? You know trajectory that this is going to propel me in? You know which direction am I going to start flowing in?

Ty Backer: 7:14

At that moment, and it's like, through that pain, you know, comes growth and and then with growth comes more pain and more experience. You know what I mean and that's the thing about you know, trials and tribulations and being tried and and true to this is that you're gaining experience, you're gaining the knowledge. If you use that, if that's, if that's what you allow to manifest from that pain. Right, because sometimes it comes out in in different negative. You know, sometimes things manifest into drug addiction, alcohol or or manifest into being a better human being, what you know have, wanting to have impact, wanting to work on my body, wanting to care for my health, my mind, my soul, my fitness. You know what am I consuming?

Ty Backer: 7:58

You know, and it sounds like you really chose that path, you know that to to look at this like okay, I'm going to get through this adversity, I'm going to make my body stronger. I'm going to need to make my mind stronger and I think it's unfortunate because a lot of times when tragedy happens in people's lives, they allow that to. You know, keep them down, they, it suppresses them. You know what I mean. And unfortunately, we do that to ourselves because you know you talked about mindset right, and and I want to talk a little more about that, maybe a little bit later on you know about about mindset. You know when it comes to, you know how important maybe we can talk about it now how important mindset is when, when you start to start on that journey of self improvement, you know what, what form or how important is mindset when you're in a state like that.

Ben Williams: 8:53

Oh, it's everything and it's not. I think people have this idea of mindset is that they just say these nice affirmations and do these things, and it is true. But I think a lot of it goes back to understanding how your mind is actually working and the relationship that you have with the voice that is talking in your head. Like the first level of that is going to be I am the voice talking in my head. So when you hear your mind go, I'm not smart enough for this, I'm not good enough for this you identify as that voice, and then there's four levels to it. And the second level is just going to be okay, I'm not in the voice, but there's someone telling me what's the truth. And then you go okay, then I am not good enough and I understand that's not my voice. And then you can move on to okay, that is my voice, but how do I change it? And then you get to this level where you go.

Ben Williams: 9:38

The only voice that is talking back to me is the memories of my past self, of a belief that I still hold true, about either an experience I had or what someone else said to me. And so you have to go back and give love and compassion to that voice. When those things come up, like when I'm laying there in that bed and I'm doing my legs are broken, my friend has passed away, everything looks like shit, my life hurts physically how do I get out of this? I can look at it and go Ben, this isn't true. This is not who you are.

Ben Williams: 10:09

This is simply your experience, and everything that is happening right now is for you to develop the characteristics that you need for you to receive the manifestations that you've asked for, because I've always asked for big things in my life.

Ben Williams: 10:21

I've always asked to be impactful, I've always asked to be wealthy, I've always asked to be in physical good health. I've always asked to have good friends. So people forget that there's a price tag for the things that you asked for and you have to show up to pay that price tag with the right intention. Because if you show up with the intention that I'm not good enough, but I'm going to stand here and pay it anyways, the universe will decline it because it doesn't even believe what you're saying. But if you show up and say I am good enough, I can do this because I am choosing to love myself and prioritize myself, because I know that whenever I show up in my highest form, it is the highest and best gift for everybody, not just myself. It's just a different way to look at it when you realize it's a benefit for everybody.

Ty Backer: 10:59

Yeah, that's so important, man, that last piece that you just said. There is that a couple of things. One, you're the sum of those that you surround yourself with, but, more importantly, what are you bringing to the table? And I most recently read a book, and we've talked about this probably about the third time. We talked about this on a podcast, but it's very important and it's so true. It's energy, right, like the energy that you bring to those that are around you.

Ty Backer: 11:27

And I recently changed my job title to CEO and everyone's like well, no shit, you're CEO, but what CEO actually stands for is his chief energy officer. So when I walk into the room, I need to make so this is something I have to work on and it reminds myself every time I send an email and I see my signature down there in the bottom of that left bottom corner. There I got to remind myself that I'm the one bringing the heat. I'm the one bringing the energy here, even though I don't feel like it, but it's and I hate this analogy, but you got to fake it to you make it sometimes, and I don't I wish I could come up with something better, right, this second, but. But sometimes you just kind of act as if, even though you don't feel like bringing the heat Sometimes you don't feel like bringing that thunder but you got to suit up, show up and bring that positive energy, because I've watched it, I've been around people that didn't have that energy or flowed well with me personally and I can only take that in small increments, or else he kind of like absorbs what positive energy that I have. So I don't want to be that negative, nelly, and I'm guilty of it. I think we're all guilty of that. But I think the important thing here that we need to take from this is that we need to be aware of it and being aware of it. That's half the battle.

Ty Backer: 12:44

Knowing that, oh shit, I'm feeling negative right now and I don't want this to rub off on somebody else, but it's almost like you have to like gravitate yourself above you and see yourself in somebody else before you realize, oh my God, that's me. That's me at many times. And it's like, until you have that aha moment, I think you don't really know, and Vic and I was talking about something today. It's like it's never a good idea until we think it's a good idea, even though you've been telling me that man, you're just, you have a bad attitude and you really need to work on this.

Ty Backer: 13:15

And it's like one day I wake up and it's like you know what, I'm kind of tired of having a bad attitude, you know. And it's like, well, no shit, sherlock, I've been telling you that for 12 months that your attitude just sucks and that's why nothing positive is happening in your life. And like you were talking like the forces of nature, it's kind of like you know, positive energy breeds positive energy. And I've controlled the room, unfortunately unaware of you. Know, I felt like shit, so I wanted you to feel like shit, unconsciously.

Ben Williams: 13:45

Yes, yes.

Ty Backer: 13:46

You know what I mean. Like just because I felt low self-esteem, insecurity, whatever the case might be, I'm having a bad day and I'm not even mad at you, but I want you to feel like a piece of crap. Because I feel like a piece of crap, well, do that in reverse, you know, think about that for a minute. Like if I, if I want to walk into a room, it doesn't matter, I want to be known for that guy. It's like whenever you walk into a room, it's like a ray of sunshine, like you know, I don't think anyone has ever said that behind my back, but I'm, I'm, I'm working on it.

Ben Williams: 14:17

Yeah, no, absolutely. I mean you're speaking my language. I mean Nikola Tesla. He has the quote that to think of the world as energy and frequencies is another secret to the universe. And you're 100% right, and once you understand that language is simply just something that we use as a tool, this is a universe of energy and I can only give somebody what I have.

Ben Williams: 14:37

You can't give somebody something that you do not have. I had this conversation yesterday Because if I need some, you know whether it be a real estate transaction or a romantic relationship or just a friend of mine and I want them to feel empowered, I want them to feel loved, for them to get out of the negative energy. If I show up and all I do is beat them up for that, they're just going to continue that cycle. But if I just show up in love and I say you know, man, I love you and I can portray that energy to them, that's the only thing that I'll get back. It's the only thing I'll get back because energy can't be created or destroyed. And even if you're talking to a group of 10 people and you show up with the intention of love, darkness cannot surpass life. It can't exist. It will either leave or change. That's it. So, like a lot of people worry about, oh what if we have a few bad apps? I'll let that energy weed them out.

Ben Williams: 15:27

I'll let that energy, weed them out.

Ty Backer: 15:29

Amen, amen to that. And you know, when so many cultures get ruined, you know, I think, and it's it's, it's our responsibility to not allow cultures and I'm thinking of at work, you know, work culture and there's, of course, there's there's family culture too, right, and we're responsible for both and everyone's responsible, like, our job as CEOs, chief energy officers, is to create other CEOs, right? So everybody that you be, you should surround yourself with, should want to be on that same path of becoming a CEO, and sometimes they need help and things pointed out to them, and sometimes it's it's, it's called candor, I call it kind candor, right. That doesn't mean, you know, I'm calling you out in your shit to make you feel like a piece of shit, but I but I sincerely, from, from a place of love, need you to know that you know your energy right now. If we want to, you know, make it sound woo, woo, but it's, it really isn't, because it's true, because I've done it my entire life.

Ty Backer: 16:31

I have been such a bad influence, and that's what it is a bad influence, shit. I was the kid that parents wouldn't allow their children to spend the night at our house. I would always have to spend the night at our house because of the influence that I had over other people, I realized and identified that early on in my life that I had leadership qualities but I didn't know how to, how to man it, let it manifest it in a positive way. You know to impact people positively, because you know when I say impact and I try to be real specific on positive impact. You know because we all know that there's negative impact. There's there's, there's positive impact and for so long I've been around negative people, negative situations and one of the things that I made as my my New Year's resolution. You know, most people add things more, more crap, on top of the pile of New Year's resolutions. Well, one of my New Year's resolutions was to remove things Right and instead of adding more crap, I'm going to remove some stuff right. I'm going to remove these negative things. If I made an obligation, I'm going to follow through that obligation. But I'm going to be super mindful when I'm going through situations and scheduling things and having meetings or putting myself in situations. Now that I'm aware of what my resolution is going to be, I can say to myself at that moment okay, I don't need to do this again, I'm going to follow through on my obligation. I'm going to, I'm going to be the responsible person and continue on whatever it was that that I'm going to be responsible for at this moment, but I need to remove myself or this person or this place or situation that I continuously have put myself in and wondered why.

Ty Backer: 18:12

I just feel like crap or I feel drained, you know especially. I mean because this is the thing. We have a choice today. Everybody has a choice. If you're in a bad relationship, if there's a task that you have to do or whatever the case is and this can be personal and this can be professional if there's certain people in your life that just seem like you need to know yourself, that you can take this individual in 15-minute increments and after that, because some people you just can't remove from your life, the facts are what facts are right, and I don't want to be real specific about that, but I know for me, there are certain people that I can spend the entire day with. There are certain people that I can only spend 15 minutes with. There's other people that it's like 2.3 seconds, that's it. We say what we got to say and I'm not mean, I'm professional, I'm kosher, I'm whatever. Hold my composure, but I just can't be, because life is too short, first and foremost to not feel positive energy and feel flow and feel free.

Ben Williams: 19:13

Yeah, 100%. I mean, this is probably one of my favorite subjects. It goes along with the power of no and letting people know. This is my standard period.

Ben Williams: 19:21

And you kind of touched on what the kind candor you know, I'll give somebody two, three times of like, hey man, like what's going on here? Like I see this action and it doesn't line up with what you're saying. I need, like what's the explanation? Like what are we doing to resolve this? And then I'll just get to a point where I'll just be very, very honest and it's not like in a mean way, it's I'll show up and be like Listen, man, I love you, I care about this relationship and I want this to work out. But I'm just letting you know that these actions are not lining up with the energy and the vision that I have for my life. Either you need to change, we need to renegotiate this relationship, or I need to understand that, but like it's one of those three I get.

Ben Williams: 20:00

There's a quote that says it's hard to hate from close up, and so if I can understand better where they're coming from, I get you, man, but if it's just simply you're just refusing to take the actions that you need to be taken or you're refusing to make the changes that you need to be changing, I must cut you off because you will throw me off my vision, and there are people that are on the other side of that vision that need me to show up in this way. Sorry, man, it is what it is, and if you can say that to somebody, it's going to be very hard for them to hold resentment against you. When you show up and you're saying I'm doing this for love, man, I'm doing this because one day somebody's going to hand me my little girl and I need to be that man on that day. And if I'm not that man now, there's no way I ever will. And if you show up that way and he has a problem with it, he doesn't. He doesn't really care anyways.

Ty Backer: 20:44

Yeah, no, I love that, I love that, and right there. And then you can ask yourself that question am I removing this? Is this one of those things I'm removing from my life this year? You know what I mean, because that's the thing. We get, that choice. But I think so many of us feel like you know we don't have a choice, but we do. And, like you said, there's, you know, no is a complete sentence or I can't is a complete sentence. You know, like I just I don't have the time and it's okay to be, you know, honest to a certain extent of like you know you don't have to when to do so, not to injure them or others. You know what I mean. Like we don't want to hurt, necessarily hurt their feelings, because that's not the vibe we're trying to give off here. It's just that you know my vibe, unfortunately, is much more important than the vibe you're kicking off, right now yeah.

Ty Backer: 21:28

I need to pump the brakes here for a moment.

Ben Williams: 21:31

Yeah, and we can show up and explain it that way in a form of love. You can also be unattached to their timeline of growth.

Ty Backer: 21:38

Yeah, just go.

Ben Williams: 21:39

This is where you're at. It's not an alignment with where I'm at. I can love you and I can. I can walk away with this in love and also for me. It's helped me a lot when I exit that way.

Ben Williams: 21:48

Do when I look back on the relationship, because a lot of times I'll look back on a relationship and go, oh well, maybe this could have been different, Maybe I could have said this and I would have worked out or whatever. But when I leave and love and empowerment I can go, that was the right decision. That was the right decision. I don't have to go into self-beatup because I know that person knows that I love them. It just is what it is.

Ty Backer: 22:08

That's a good point too, cause I'm the one I'll beat myself up. Yeah, you know, cause I'm like, oh man, I feel like I hurt their feelings. You know, now I gotta go back and make an amends or something like that. But then when I do that, if I don't learn how to articulate a message from love, from a place of love right, cause I've done it, I've done both, I've done really well with both. I've been able to articulate the message in a very loving way, but then I've also been able to articulate the message in a very hurtful, harmful way.

Ty Backer: 22:40

I said what I wanted to say, but I said it very mean and hateful, which kind of out won what at the point that I was trying to make where I felt like I needed to go back and make an amends. But what happens when you do that at least from my experiences then everything that I said, the first and foremost, they're mad at me. They think I'm a dick to begin with and I couldn't get my point across. Because, whatever the situation was, my behavior out won. Whatever that particular situation was that made me say what I had to say at that moment, I go back and make that amends. It totally erases the whole entire point of what I was trying to say. Even, and because I said it poorly and I've done that so many times in my lifetime. And again, this is me. Finally, I saw it in somebody else first before I could actually see it in myself. You know what I mean. I have a particular situation.

Ty Backer: 23:35

So I'm a member of this group and we volunteer there a lot, and there was this gentleman that I was pretty good friend. I knew he was an acquaintance I don't want to call him a friend necessarily and we were down in the basement of this clubhouse and we were going. He had something in his hand and I must have said something that he didn't agree with. But now, granted, I didn't say it rude and honestly, I was rather surprised by his reaction to what I said, and he threw a box of books at me. Okay, well, yeah. So I, of course, was like hey, mo Foe chased after him, we ran out and grabbed his leg and it transpired into this thing and a couple of weeks later I didn't see it right away, but it occurred to me there go I, there go I. Right, like I was on, I was given the opportunity to rise above, literally rise above the situation and Look now, granted, I grabbed a hold of his leg.

Ty Backer: 24:43

I shouldn't have behaved the way that I did either, because I'm a man and nobody's gonna talk to me that way, and that's something else that I struggle with and need to work on. I'm not perfect at that. I'm getting better. Most importantly, I'm aware of it, but I was able to to get above that situation and and and watch how it Unfolded and was like man. He did nothing any differently than I would have or have done in the past to people. You know what I mean.

Ty Backer: 25:10

So that's where forgiveness because forgiveness is is another topic, you know, rabbit hole that we can go down, because that's a part of energy, that's a part of healing, that's a part of self-esteem. First and foremost, I need to learn how to forgive myself and, secondly, I need to learn how to forgive other people, because, let's face it, we didn't get put on this earth to walk around people and feel uncomfortable around them. Do you know what I'm saying? But put put to continuously Apologizing to people, after a while those words don't mean anything. I'm sorry, yeah, and now it, just now. It's more of an action thing, like don't, don't speak it, let me see it, let me catch it, let me, let me let me feel that you're sorry, right, cuz I've done it to my parents over the years and it's like don't even tell me that, don't even tell me love me, and don't even tell me you're sorry, because these words mean nothing. You are so sorry that, yes, you are sorry.

Ben Williams: 26:01

Yeah. That one time thick, he said I told him I was sorry for doing whatever I did, he said yeah, you're sorry.

Ty Backer: 26:14

No, okay, we're sad, it was he followed up with.

Ben Williams: 26:17

Your words are so. Your actions are so loud I can't hear a damn thing.

Ty Backer: 26:20

You're saying, yeah, your actions are. I can't hear a damn thing, vic. We were probably about a year ago. Vic told me that and I thought you know what. That is so true because, but again, negative impact, positive impact how are my actions or my behavior affecting other people? And we don't realize the effect that we have on other people?

Ty Backer: 26:41

When they talk about Unmanageability and I'm sure we all know somebody whose life is unmanageable and if we continuously Enter into that chaos, then our lives, we don't know how badly we affect other people, whether they're losing sleep over us or or financially A financial burden on them, an emotional burden on them it's like we almost make them as sick as we are. You know, especially parents and loved ones and those that we love, you know, seem to be the ones that we hurt most. You know and that's again that that's identifying that. So, as an expert you I'm saying that you're an expert here. It definitely sounds like you're an expert on personal growth. What are some practical tips and strategies you can share with our listeners to help them enhance their overall well-being and achieve their goals?

Ben Williams: 27:32

Well, good question. I want to go back and touch on one thing you said, and then I was.

Ben Williams: 27:36

So, a lot of time. And this gives back to something that I that I was taught in the military is Whenever you get to a point where you're about to go, I'm sorry or I feel like I should be sorry. The guy I remember, my drill serge, told me he said don't be sorry, just be better. Just be better and you don't have to be sorry. And I think that all the time, even when I catch myself Bumping into somebody, like, oh, I'm sorry, I got, don't be sorry, be better and just be more, being being more aware of the things that are going on around me, like the situation with a guy way through the box at you at some level, that you're right, that was you and the universe gave you the opportunity to reconcile that part of you and go. I choose to no longer participate in that version of myself. Yeah, and I love you man. Yeah, that's that yeah.

Ben Williams: 28:22

Because there's there's no way to respond to that. When you refuse to respond to reality that someone else creates he's not, I'm good and then you're able to just get to go on, because now you have all the power threshold, that guy goes. I can't get him back, he doesn't care.

Ben Williams: 28:37

Yeah he simply just loves me because he loves himself, and it's just something that I think is super interesting once we realize it. But so the practical things that have helped me I think I'm gonna go back to the Meditation is huge. Just sitting down, getting off my phone I think right now everybody's distracted is the biggest problem. I think people are confused and distracted. Sitting down and meditating and Actually getting real with myself and and just getting out of my head and into my body and Feeling my energy and go, how do I feel? Do I feel like a victim? Do I feel like I'm ashamed? And then tracing that back and go why do I feel that way? Okay, well, what was that situation and what's what is true about that situation? And then, what do I believe to be true about the situation and what do I believe to be true that is not true about that situation? And then, once I can figure that out, I can shift that belief and then I can shift that energy.

Ben Williams: 29:27

And the only way to do that is to get very, very clear with how you feel, and that would be meditation, and then after that I would a huge thing would be journaling, because there's a lot of times in your life, because life is just that roller coaster of like, yes, good, yes, no, good, bad, whatever, you know. And it helps me a lot. Whenever I catch myself in that victim mindset or that my life is shit or my life is, you know, hard, or whatever, I can look back in those journals and go I had a lot of traction here, I had good feelings here. What was I doing differently? How was I showing up differently than how I am right now?

Ben Williams: 30:02

And I can answer that almost every time it's because I start to get self selfish and ungrateful when I start thinking about Ben and I start thinking about things that I want and then, because of that Living in lack, because I'm not being grateful for what I do have, I just get in a spiral of negative energy and I go okay, nope, I can catch that and I go I'm being selfish and I'm being a grateful. How can I give and how can be thankful to be given? And then I can just get back and get myself back out of that hole and I think journaling, meditation and you've got to be working out.

Ben Williams: 30:33

Yeah period you have got to move your body, energy, emotion tends to stay in motion, and that's true for everything that's on a physical plane all the way up to a spiritual, emotional plane. If you are stagnant, you will be just that move around.

Ty Backer: 30:48

Love that. I love that. Yeah, I, yeah, I'm a firm believer. And Meditation, it's a little something I do every morning. Every morning, that's one of those things that I call my win. We stack wins in the morning from.

Ty Backer: 31:03

You know, before we go out into the world, I put my armor on and meditation, I read a daily devotional book and I reflect on. It's called the daily reflections and it's got this, you know, a couple few paragraphs and today's date and and stuff like that, and and I've read it. Actually, I've read it for over 11 years. I Continue, I read it back every single year and I find something new every time. Every year that I've read it, I find something new in it and it kind of just gives me that 2.3 minutes Right to center myself, knowing, you know, the no one's really awake yet in the world, yet it's still dark outside, you know. And then I added another book To to my arsenal there that I started to read. It's another daily affirmation by Ryan Ryan holiday. That's for life me think of the name of it, but I've read it. I've read, I started reading it last year the daily dad. Oh, it's so good, I bought my daughter one here's. It's not just for you know, it's for parents period, grandparents, and I'll be quite honest with you, I apply those principles that I read both, both books and my daily reflections and my daily dad. I apply them in my work and and and in my personal life, um, but I think. I think meditation is huge.

Ty Backer: 32:28

I don't do much journaling. I have done journaling, but I can tell you an instance that it really helped me out. I was fuming one time I had, I was so upset with something and there were so many things I wanted to tell this person Right, so I thought you know what, I'm gonna start jotting these things down and I did, man, and I was just, I was on a rampage, man, I'm writing, you know, and go and punch them in the face and yeah, at all in my head, like I got this battle going on, man, and I'm writing and I'm writing, and I'm writing, and I'm writing and I'm writing, and, and I read it after I was, I had it completed, I read it and I thought, you know, that's pretty crazy. Some of it was, was, was so far-fetched, and thank God that they can't lock you up for what, for what you think, okay, but it gave me a moment to reflect on how ridiculous my behavior would have been. It gave me that 40 minutes to catch my breath and not react. But but get in a headspace where I could respond in a healthy way, right, and then it also highlighted some bullet points that needed to be discussed, but in a mature manner Is what it did for me.

Ty Backer: 33:41

So I can see how journaling and on anything and that was just one particular instance when I wrote and I really needed to get some things off my chest right and then I put it in there and I still have it, and I shared that advice with a friend of mine because he was struggling with something and I said it does multiple things. One it gives you the bullet points that need to be discussed too. You're saying what you, what you want to say and need to say to just get out in that way that you feel like you need to get it out, but you know that you can't get it out in that way. So it helps you do that. Plus, it also allows you to pull out just the crazy dramatic rap you know you get. You get just that head trash stuff. You just put it on there and, however crazy it is, write it down, get it out, empty that trash can and Get it out, and I was able to. It actually allowed me to pump the brakes. For about two or three days before I had to have this Conversation with this individual.

Ty Backer: 34:40

I was able to, you know, sleep on it, think on it, prepare myself mentally and physically, working out. You know I would if I was still angry, and I was. I work out. I started lifting heavy weights, I don't know, several months ago. I was really big in the cardio and and Cala statics and things like that, but recently I got into Lift and heavier things. You know what I mean, because I wanted to walk up a little bit and be a little stronger and and like you said, I just I needed that. I might a different season of my life right now when I feel like I really need to, you know, get stronger mentally, physically and spiritually and again those internal things and External things. And that's one of the questions I wanted to ask you later on. We might not have time, but that that'll give us part to the Ben Williams show here.

Ben Williams: 35:32

I mean, that's that's you brought up such a powerful point. As far as journaling out, you know whether it be every day, once a week. You know, even in that situation where there's an instance is you gave yourself the opportunity to feel it. You can't feel it, you can't fix it. So many people just want to numb it or ignore it and they go. I'm pissed off, but I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna, I'm not talking stuff it you're not gonna fix anything.

Ben Williams: 35:59

You're not gonna fix anything and you're definitely not showing up in love. I promise you that. And so if you give yourself the opportunity because I I promise you I've had some journal entries that if the US government read they would arrest me because I've been that guy where I was 20 in the military angry, let's, let's get after. But Once I'm able to articulate how I feel in the situation, I'll more than likely catch myself at some point in a journal entry going All right, maybe I am being a little over over dramatic and I can. I can go back to that emotion and I can acknowledge it and feel it and have compassion, to love for myself, because that is me, that is having those feelings. And if time is relative, at some point I'm still gonna be that 15 year old boy that just got pissed off because you disrespect me and I'm ready to go.

Ty Backer: 36:45

Mm-hmm.

Ben Williams: 36:45

I can go. Hey man, I wasn't disrespect. You misunderstood. This is the situation. I love you, let's move on. And if you but you got to go back to being able to feel it, so many people ignore it. But if you can get to where you can feel it and fix it, that's when your life starts to change.

Ty Backer: 37:01

Yeah, no, that's such a good point too. And I'm guilty of stuffing. I call it stuffing. You know, I'll stuff something, thinking you know, now I got this, I'll deal with it later, stuff it, and what happens is I call it the Snowball effect. And and it's not because there's a bunch of snowballs coming at me and sometimes my life is like that, but but when?

Ty Backer: 37:21

When I say that, what I imagine is that you know the snowballs like that big, it's at the top of the hill, and then you push it down the hill and as it's tumbling down the hill, it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And there I am, standing at the bottom of the hill. The next thing, I know this snowballs coming at me, that's this big, and it rolls me over Right, and then it's just all of these small things that I don't think are really gonna bother me later or that I can deal with, or it's not my problem, or whatever excuse I give myself for not dealing with it at that moment In a healthy manner. It tends to Roll me over steam, roll me, and then typically I'll come out of the side of my neck on An individual that has nothing to do with any of those Situations or issues and we talk about this a lot, you know. Going back to, you got to know yourself like what's your limitations, what's your threshold for pain, and when the pain is great enough, you'll finally get off your dead ass and do something about it.

Ty Backer: 38:25

Yes, you know, as, as human beings, that's that's who we are and that's what we are and that's just in our DNA, especially men, and not not that women Don't do that, but I think I think women do a lot better job of expressing To people or themselves you know how they're feeling. You know they're a little more in tune, I think, or catch on quicker or more mature probably is what is, at the end of the day, you know, in tune with their feelings of like, hey, I don't like how that makes me feel. Jan and I had a conversation yesterday and she said to me you know, I just I don't like this. I need to, I need to let you know that there's something that I don't like and I need you to. She said to me I need you to hear me because I tend to have selective hearing and I didn't get upset at that. It brought me.

Ben Williams: 39:13

That's a power communication tool that you guys have yeah, I need to hear me. Yeah, that's yeah.

Ty Backer: 39:19

Yeah, she knows me, she knows me probably better than I know myself. It's pretty pathetic, but that's true. So, front and center, I could caught my attention, like alright, and I listened and it was like you know what, I'm sorry I am, I didn't even think about that. Yeah, you know what I mean, it wasn't nothing major, but she didn't let it manifest into some shit six months from now, where she's, you know, standing over top of me while I'm sleeping and holding a butcher knife, because she let the snowball effect, like I tend to do, you know, suffer from the snowball effect. She doesn't do that, she tends to and and I can tell when something's wrong, and sometimes I got to pull it out of her and sometimes she has to pull it out of me. But but I think communication in a healthy manner is huge in any relationship or any organization.

Ty Backer: 40:08

If there's a lack of communication and and and and Sorry, I started thinking of another story that I was thinking of about lack of communication. But for, for instance, you know if, if there's lack of communication at home, one the other person or yourself Don't really know what's going on or what you're feeling, because body language can say a lot of different things. It's almost like reading a text message and taking it out of text. You know what I mean. Because, because communication needs to be Verbal, whether it be over the phone, but even then you can't see their, their body language or their hands flying. But but face-to-face communication, any form of communication is better than no communication. But I think having meetings you know whether it's a family meeting or or business meeting and staying in communication, it is a big thing. So Communication, the importance of what's your opinion.

Ben Williams: 41:09

Yeah, I mean, communication is key and you kind of touched on a point that I want to go back over.

Ben Williams: 41:12

About the difference and men and women in the situation. And I think the reason, from what I can tell I'm obviously not a woman, just to clear that up is, as women, that they're able to go. I am a woman and that they are inherently born with the right Of being feminine and because I have a firm belief that masculinity is to be earned and femininity is to be protected, so they're born with the inherent ability to just feel, they go. I'm just a woman. As a man, you cannot say that. You cannot just go. I'm just a man, hey, I'm just a lot of your man. Let's go.

Ben Williams: 41:45

And and once you can get clear because, saying that as a man, as you understand that you're constantly in stride of this goal of manhood, you you will get to a point and you're in, you're being rigid enough where you know, at some point between 18 to the day you die, you you'll get to a point where you can take a couple punches in the face emotionally and ignore and over time they will build up and build up and that snowball effect.

Ben Williams: 42:13

That is where it is so important to go into a journal or go into a meditation, to go how do I feel? And catch that before that snowball effect happen, because if I'm just at the top of the hill and I throw the snowball at you, you'll see it, but if it's a snowball, damn it. Yeah, now we got a problem. And that's why it's so important in my opinion, as men especially, to get very, very clear on those feelings. Because, if not me feeling slightly disrespected, whether it be with an employee or with a colleague, with whoever it's going to be if I just take that one time and I go, okay, that's fine, they probably didn't mean it that way and I do it again, and I do it again, and I do it again, again, again, again. In two years I've got someone who's zent in it.

Ben Williams: 42:57

And all it takes me to not get my coffee that day. You say something, I'm a pop-up. But if I would have just collected over two years prior and I would have addressed it like, hey, nope, that's not how we're going to talk, and I know you didn't mean like that at all, but for me to feel respected, I would much rather you prefer have said that statement this way, and now I can address that situation a little up, and I never had that snowball effect.

Ty Backer: 43:20

So I don't know if I understood your question. No, yeah, no, that's good. I'm glad you brought that back up, because I kind of had a mental block there. I was thinking of another situation where poor communication led to another situation and I'm glad you kind of, you know, in invert or direct we're having technical difficulties, but thank you for interjecting in. Whatever the hell I'm trying to say.

Ben Williams: 43:50

I don't know what you're saying.

Ty Backer: 43:52

Yes, thank you, but anyhow, so okay, so okay. The change is subject a little bit, but not really. You know, so many people struggle with finding, you know, the work-life balance. How do you personally manage your time and prioritize self-care while handling multiple roles? You know whether it be you know your personal coaching your family. You know, being a realtor I'm assuming you're a realtor- I am.

Ben Williams: 44:18

I'm not doing it in practice. I have my license, but that's not my problem.

Ty Backer: 44:22

Real estate, then we'll just chalk it up as real estate and running an investment company.

Ben Williams: 44:26

Yeah.

Ty Backer: 44:28

So how do you juggle all these things?

Ben Williams: 44:30

Yeah, so one thing that I kind of just want to correct that I feel like is a public narrative, or at least was the public narrative that was pushed on me was it has to look this way to be successful.

Ben Williams: 44:39

You got to wake up at 5 am, got to do this, got to do this, x, y and Z, got to do your morning routine, got to have to got has to look this way. And I would find myself a lot I'm a very disciplined person Like if I say I'm going to do something, I'm doing it and it would disempower me. I would wake up and I would do this whole thing and I wouldn't feel empowered, I would feel low energy. And once I got to the point where I realized that and I was conscious, like I don't feel empowered doing all this running around working, when people say this is what it needs to be, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I started to go okay, I will just track my day and I would go what are the activities where I am at my highest vibration, where I am really showing up empowered and I am just taking it to it, just kicking ass? What are the activities that I'm doing? And then I would just document. I wouldn't try to change anything, I would just document. And then I would just write the activity of whatever it's going to be. And I would put right beside it how I felt, you know, stressed out.

Ben Williams: 45:37

Okay, I apparently, in the mornings, if I check my emails at 7.30, believe it or not, I get stressed out. So I'll go, okay, I'm going to push that to, you know, 9.30 or whatever it is, and then I will just start moving my schedule around. I mean, now, mine fits for me. But that's the biggest thing is, you can, you can copy anybody's schedule and go. This is what works for XYZ person, but it may not make you feel empowered. So for me it's like what are the activities that I need to do to show up in my highest form?

Ben Williams: 46:10

And for me it used to be waking up at 5am. Now I get up at about 6.30. 6.30, then I go outside, I literally just stand on the grass and I'll just kind of say a prayer and I'll just go over like my life is fantastic, I'm 20, I'm 25. I love my life, I love the people I work with, I love my apartment complex, and I'll just go through this thing. Literally this morning, before I even did anything, I was sitting out in front of my balcony, literally, tears running down my face, because I'm just. This is a dream. I'm about to be on a podcast, I have the greatest assistant that I could ever ask for in my period and I'm just bawling my eyes out and like, if I can show up that way and I miss an email and I don't get to it from 9.30, I could not care less because I'm enjoying my life and I'm I'm being the most empowered person I can be.

Ty Backer: 47:00

I love that. I love that. I love every point that you you made too. And this is again going back to trying to figure out you know what makes you tick and learning you right, and unfortunately, it's taken me almost 47 years to actually find out and identify what. What times of day do I function best or what do I need to do? You know what do I need to remove right For my life. And I love how you said about you know not checking your email and phone and stuff like that. So I don't check my phone, I don't check my email and social media or anything like that until I get to work. I literally have on my calendar at 10am Now hopefully no one that I work with is listening to this at 10am I check because that's my flow state, my you know where I need that flow state before that, before I. You know, it could be dramatic, it could be great news, it could be whatever that is, but again, doing the things that I need to do in the morning, so I get up.

Ty Backer: 48:00

I recently stopped setting an alarm right, because for 40, well, not 40, but 30 some years I lived with an alarm clock two or three times and waking up like that has not been conducive to my health and unfortunately it's taken me 30 plus years to realize waking up to an annoying sound has started my day out. Just bad, annoyed, right, and then I put my feet down. I've done it for so long. I'm up I'm that guy that's up by 5am every day, if not, like I get like this weird anxious feeling because I've tried it Again. These are all things I've tried on air. Now I didn't go as far as documenting it, but that's a great idea. Anxiety starts to kick in if I lay past much 5.30. So I know I need to get out. I do my thing. I quit smoking recently, I don't know. It's been like six, seven months.

Ty Backer: 48:57

So I don't go outside. Let the dogs out. I let the dogs out, but I do that without lighting up a cigarette with them while I'm outside. I actually had to come up with a whole new routine for that. I let them outside, I closed the door. We have a gated, fenced backyard, fenced in backyard. I go in. I drink only one cup of coffee anymore. I don't drink it continuously throughout the course of the day, right of the day. Yep, I take my one cup of coffee and I drink it before I leave and I go into the room it's actually the bathroom, is where I read my two books and I started to hang around the house and I've never done this up until this past year, hanging around the house until Rocket gets up and goes to school.

Ty Backer: 49:38

And I can't tell you, because I used to think that you had to work 25 hours a day, eight days a week. I was that guy and still can fall into that, because sometimes shit just needs to get done. Sure, and I honestly believe we wouldn't be where we're at if I didn't go through that, whether it was good or bad. I needed all that experience in that Anyhow. But I don't know how many days, first days of school I've missed. I don't know how many basketball games, football games, last days of school, graduations, all of those things. Even my own graduation I missed, or maybe I was there, I was just in a blackout, you remember.

Ty Backer: 50:19

But I've had to change some things. So, typically, his bus. He's the first one on the bus and the last one to get off the bus, so he leaves very early in the morning. For a student that is 15-year-old, kids has to get on the bus at 6.15. Some days. I can't always pull that off, but at least three out of the five business days I'm there and it's no special ritual, it's just hey, buddy, good to see you, I see him go out the door, have a great day, I love you. And it's just being emotionally there has done something for me and being intentional about like okay, mondays, wednesdays and Fridays are the days that I'm not going to leave the house until after Rocket gets on the bus, has done something for me spiritually and emotionally and I can see even in him it's had an impact on him and I think he looks for me now. Now I never said to him that, hey, I'm going to hang out for now on until you get on the bus, or anything like that, but that's part of my daily morning routine in order for me, because that's a win.

Ty Backer: 51:21

I stack. First and foremost, I open my eyes. Secondly, I put my feet on the floor, I read my two books, I let my dogs out and then now I didn't check my phone. So here I'm stacking. Four, five, six, eight wins. I'm out with Rocket Now. I'm armed and ready to go out and face the world. Bring it whatever you got, I'm not a morning out, worker, outer, I find and again this is learning who I am and learning my body and my mind and stuff. If I work out in the morning it tends to take my energy from me and I have low energy throughout the course of the day. But what I have find that found out is if I work out between four and five, it allows me to catch my second wind, to be more present with my family, attend the meetings and the clubs that I'm a part of in the evening because, having a busy schedule, I call it second shift is after five o'clock. Now I'm putting in second shift.

Ty Backer: 52:12

Whether it's date night on Tuesday nights with Jan, I need to be emotionally present. I need to be intentional about that time. You know what I mean. And if I'm beat and tired and stressed out and again I try not to look at my phone, but these are things. And again, I should have documented all these things so I could rattle them off. But living in my calendar, because I have date night on my calendar, I have checked my email seven days a week at 10 am and I get a notification an hour before. All of these things I put everything in my calendar. If my calendar is empty, then I'm a mess. I need to know what and where I need to be. I need to fill up my time with positive things and we get to pick and choose what times of day and Vic and I had this conversation too.

Ty Backer: 53:02

Share the calendar with your significant other so they know what your day is going to look like. And, oh my God, what should I expect when he gets him, because I know what he's going through today. You know what I mean. If you have a significant other, that's like that. There are some other horrible relationships that I've been in with other people and they wouldn't have gave two shits what kind of day that I had.

Ty Backer: 53:23

But by me sharing it with Jana, she'll at least know what kind of day Like. Oh my God, he had 12 meetings today, six via Zoom and six across town, so he's going to be really tired. And then she can prepare herself mentally or physically, emotionally, for when I get home. But not that I'm like a raving lunatic or whatever, but at least she'll know. Okay, he's going to be home at this time for supper Right, and that's what I meant mostly. You know, preparing herself, or I'm going to be home late for date night or whatever like that. But not that we don't communicate throughout the course of the day either, but communication going back to the community, this whole entire conversation we're having right now. We've hit just about every single button that I thrive on and love, every single topic that we've discussed and then say thank you for a freaking awesome that's so many.

Ben Williams: 54:12

It's sort of last.

Ty Backer: 54:14

Yeah. So before we get off here we got to we're about 56 minutes, into which I can't believe already feels like about 26 minutes maybe. So lastly, here for our viewers and personally here I selfishly I ask you these questions so I can better myself and turn impact other people out there listening and that's what we're really trying to do here. So thank you for such a freaking awesome episode here, but do you have any resources, books or tools that you recommend for individuals seeking personal growth and not just when I talk about growth internally and external growth, and internally and external health that they can start implementing in their lives?

Ben Williams: 54:59

Yeah, for books I would probably say thinking very rich. Of course I'm always gonna say that book, the book the Universe has your Back by Gabby Bernstein, was a transformational book for me. And then the book it Takes what it Takes by Trevor Millett. That book is significant for me. I read that book in a period of like probably a year and a half ago or maybe two years ago, when I was first starting out in real estate, and it was like I was just getting my ass kicked and it really put in a perspective of like why did I believe that I was special, that my path was not gonna be hard just like everybody else's and, I think, young entrepreneurs myself even. Still, I come victim of this thinking that I don't need to pay the price, that I don't need to work hard, that I can just make money, and that's just not real. So that book it Takes what it Takes Universe has your Back. Thank you, gervitch.

Ben Williams: 55:57

Meditation is a huge practice. And then I have a personal development coach that I've met with once a week for probably nine months now. So if you wanna connect with her, feel free to DM me on Instagram. My Instagram's the Williams Ben Shoot me a DM. I'd love to connect to you with her. She's helped me tremendously. Honestly, probably that'd be it.

Ty Backer: 56:22

Yeah, that's what I do. Good answers, man. Yeah, good answer. Everything's big again. That's expanding your mind, strengthening that brain muscle you know what I mean and giving you different perspective on how to think too. And Thinking Grow Rich is a phenomenal book. We could go on and on and on about books, whether it's culture, leadership, financial books, stuff like that, but that's where it's at Reading and writing and obviously, speaking, which I have issues with a little bit here and there every now and then, when we have a book, oh and Make it Count.

Ben Williams: 56:53

by Hunter Duluth.

Ty Backer: 56:54

Yeah, there you go, Make it Count.

Ben Williams: 56:55

Yeah, hunter, you're listening, you got a certain amount Way to go, ben.

Ty Backer: 57:01

So, speaking of Hunter, he's got a birthday bash this weekend. Are you attending that?

Ben Williams: 57:06

I am.

Ty Backer: 57:07

I have a feeling you're speaking at the Revolt Live, aren't you? Or is that a different time? Maybe I'm wrong. I could be wrong. Maybe I'm not the kind of guy.

Ben Williams: 57:16

You're totally what? Okay, that's why I was a little anxious?

Ty Backer: 57:19

Yeah, maybe not, I assume, because you're pretty close to him, I would imagine, because it sounds like your guys' story is so familiar and that's who introduced us and I'm grateful for that. And going back to and not to sound cliche, but our network is our net worth and because, through Hunter being the conduit for us connecting like this man, I love it and let's stay, and I'm not just saying this because we're on the air right now, but let's you were. I want you to be a part of that sum.

Ty Backer: 57:47

Yeah, absolutely, man, I'd love to yeah because you got some really good perspective on stuff and I needed that fresh perspective on so many different things that you discussed with us today. So thank you for coming on the show here.

Ben Williams: 58:01

Thank you.

Ty Backer: 58:02

And thank you everybody for listening and like, love, subscribe, share, comment on all of our platforms. We are now on YouTube Live, facebook Live, obviously, and that's how you're watching us now Spotify, google Play and Apple. So check us out, like Us, love Us, review Us. Reviews Are Nice so we can get this awesome content out to people who so desperately probably need it and have a different aspect on life. And, by all means, reach out to Ben or myself if anyone seems to be struggling and anything. Reach out to us. Our phones are always on. As far as hitting us up, dm us on Facebook. What did you say? Your handle was on Instagram.

Ben Williams: 58:45

The Williams Ben. The Williams Ben.

Ty Backer: 58:47

The Williams Ben. There you have it, guys. So thank you for tuning in and we'll see you next week.

Ben Williams: 58:53

Awesome, thanks brother.