Submerged in Success: The Dive into Leadership and Industry Innovation

Have you ever found yourself on the edge of a transformative experience, but fear held you back? That's precisely where my journey began before plunging into the deep blue for a scuba diving adventure, a metaphorical and literal leap that reshaped my understanding of personal growth. With the unfiltered insights of Chris Hofstra from Lead Scout, this episode peels back the layers of the roofing industry's evolution, celebrating the passionate pioneers like Tim Brown who are spearheading a veritable renaissance. We dissect the art of maintaining focus amidst chaos and share the power of community and team support that keeps our sails unfurled in the stormy seas of entrepreneurship.
 
As I recount my own underwater escapades, I reveal the unexpected life lessons gleaned from the ocean's depths. It's a tale that flows from the brink of retreat cancellation to the empowering triumphs over my insecurities, guided by the encouraging words of peers like Joe Huffman. The camaraderie experienced during this journey highlights the value of vulnerability among professionals, proving that the strongest connections often form in the face of shared challenges. Join us as we navigate the nuances of scuba training, the exhilaration of exploring uncharted territories, and how these experiences translate into everyday life and leadership.

The conversation then drifts towards the spiritual awakenings that often blindside us amidst our fast-paced lives. From a moment of despair in Cayman to the daily trials of parenting and mentorship, we contemplate the profound impact of leading by example and the ripple effects our actions have on the young minds we guide. The chapter closes with heartfelt thanks and a sense of anticipation for what lies ahead, including the introduction of a new voice in our ongoing dialogue. Tune in for a heartfelt blend of storytelling, professional wisdom, and the candid sharing of personal journeys that shape not just our careers, but our very essence.

Transcript

Ty Cobb Backer: 0:01

And we are live. Welcome back everybody to Behind the Tool Belt, episode 228. Today we have another special guest, my friend Chris Hofstra. Stay tuned, and we will be back after our short intro from our sponsors TC Backer, tc Backer, roofing, siding windows, gutters, solar Roofing, siding windows, gutters, solar TC Backer, tc Backer. And we are back after our brief little commercials from our sponsors. There we big shout out to them hook agency, lead scout and brufal and tc back, of course, and Wind, the Storm and all those cool, groovy people.

Ty Cobb Backer: 1:06

If you haven't liked, loved, subscribed, reviewed on any of our platforms, please do that. We're on Spotify, google, apple, youtube and, of course, facebook Live, so go on to any of our pages or channels. Tc Backer, behind the Tool Belt, please like, love, share and comment, because I have no social media on my phone anymore, so I did not get to really share the way that I wanted to, although I did get a notification that we were live, so that's how I know we're live today. So, anyhow, I'm with my brother today, my friend, a coach, at times a mentor, my guidance counselor, chris Hofstra, with Lead Scout, how are you doing?

Chris Hofstra: 1:46

buddy, it's good to be back. It's good to be back, ty, no doubt. Thanks for having me.

Ty Cobb Backer: 1:52

You're welcome. I think the last time we did this for a few minutes we were at April Hall's Storm Restoration Conference in Austin. Was that Austin, texas or?

Chris Hofstra: 2:04

Denton Maybe.

Ty Cobb Backer: 2:06

I don't know, I don't think it was awesome.

Chris Hofstra: 2:08

I think we flew into Dallas and then went North, so I just remember my kids were yes, yes, frisco, there you go. Because my kids were like dad, can you make sure to stop by? Dude, dude, perfect Headquarters. And I did not. But that that is a, a that is a staple for Frisco.

Ty Cobb Backer: 2:26

No doubt.

Chris Hofstra: 2:29

Yeah, yeah. So it's been a while. It's been a while. I was just smiling when I was watching Tim Brown's ad and thinking our ads pretty cool. But like it's way more fun watching Tim Brown stuff. I mean, the fact that I'm smiling watching it means it's working. I just love the passion and creativity that he puts into his content. It's just, I mean, there's really not a lot like it out there. So shout out to the Hook Agency for all they do for the industry and for making my little reel at the beginning kind of look lame. So I think I need to work on that.

Ty Cobb Backer: 3:10

Yeah, he's helped you level up and, yeah, big shout out to Tim Brown and Hook Agency. He was actually one of our first early adopters and he has inspired us. I actually got to spend about a week with him last week and came in and and we me and you had a conversation about a gentleman right before we went on here and you had made the comment that, like this is definitely somebody that you want in the industry right now, like he's just going to be good for our industry and and honestly, my whole, our honest, heartedly opinion about Tim Brown is that he's one of those dudes Like he just wants to see people do well and he really worries about that. Right, and I know his passion and his heart is definitely in the right place for our industry and he's definitely one of those trailblazers like yourself, chris, that you know came into our industry may have been a different industry or whatever I think Tim actually started out in in the industry but anyhow, not to condolence this or dilute or whatever but like both of you guys are like good people to have in our industry right now. Um, you know because of where I found it when I got into it, you know, 20 plus years ago it was a little bit different than it. It when I got into it, you know, 20 plus years ago it was a little bit different than it is today. And there's like this revolution, this roofing revolution, kind of going on and the direction that it's going in right now is because of people like Tim Brown and his creativity, right Like being a roofing rock star. You know, hook better leads, right Like I want that shit going through my head, right, that positive vibe. There's positive people in my life today like you and tim and joe huffman at rufo, which is another one of our sponsors here. I think we got to update our our little banner down there at the bottom at some point in time.

Ty Cobb Backer: 4:59

Um, but uh, with everything going on me traveling and stuff like that, god bless vick and his patience and tolerance too for putting up with my crazy ass, you know, with traveling and stuff like that. And the poor guy I think hung out in the studio in the background, kind of like we did before we let you in. That's called the studio when you're sitting there in the bottom of the screen there, I had realized Vic had sat there probably for a good two hours when, when I was in cayman last wednesday night. Like I must have just distracted and if you know me, like I know, you know me, I get distracted very easily so I must have just got up mid conversation because something else caught my attention in the room and, like I don't know, at least an hour and a half later I come back there was vick still sitting there like playing his guitar, just kind of like killing time. Like I know I will be back at some point in time and let me know we're going live, because I didn't even have a time set.

Ty Cobb Backer: 5:54

We were going live last week because it was like our schedule was, you know, around their schedule, because I didn't want to take the retreat hostage. You know what I mean. So, whatever it was, whatever where, whenever you can fit us in, you know, it's just something that I'm consistent with every week and by all means I want everybody on the show with us, right? So that's kind of what happened and there was vic man just chilling, playing his guitar, strumming away, and I was like, oh dude, I am so sorry. I was like I didn't realize. I was like were you waiting for me on something to come back with something, or whatever.

Chris Hofstra: 6:27

But anyhow, the man that's why I fixed the man yeah.

Ty Cobb Backer: 6:30

Yeah, vic is definitely the man, but I want to hear more about this.

Chris Hofstra: 6:34

This came in mastermind group that you did with Eric. Oh, I think this is your first show since you've been back. I mean you were the last show you were there. You got back Saturday. Yeah, Let me hear more about it. Maybe next year I can join you guys.

Ty Cobb Backer: 6:56

For sure, for sure, man, definitely Great, great question. I'm glad you asked me that question because life changing for me you know we talk a lot about, you know getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and you know just traveling itself and I know you can relate to this you know traveling being without your family and stuff like that in it, in in itself, is kind of uncomfortable to begin with. But leading up to there was a couple of legs to this trip, right, like I had an online course to take for scuba which wasn't very difficult but but very lengthy. It's just very time consuming, okay, so I had to complete all that and and I needed to do that before I did my my local uh pool testing, right, and then it come to find out I didn't have to necessarily do that before then, but it was recommended I did, especially since I was going to travel someplace else to take my open water certification. So it was first leg of the trip was, you know, online testing. Second leg was my local pool testing.

Ty Cobb Backer: 7:53

Third leg was to go to Grand Cayman and do open water diving certification training, and I've told this story a couple of times this past week where you know I had drowned in a swimming pool Olympic sized swimming pool with a group of friends and loved ones. They were racing back and forth and I had this towel and I was smacking it on the water, you know, basically saying go, you know, and then they would take off. Of course they're under the water and I fell in the deep end and all I remember is the scene, like the sun and not trying, I couldn't figure out how to get back to the top. So that that feeling, that that horrific experience, has stuck with me since then. Okay, and I don't get me wrong, I'm, I'm a great swimmer because of that. Like that same day they taught me how to swim. They're like same day they taught me how to swim. They're like that's never going to happen again.

Ty Cobb Backer: 8:45

Yeah, so of course, they threw me in. I learned how to do the doggy paddle and kind of just stay buoyant on top of the water and keep my head from going under and and uh. But I, I love being around the water. I love being on the water. I'm an avid saltwater fisherman. I love that for for one of my hobbies and stuff like that. But never, you know, crossed my mind that. You know it wasn't on my bucket list, let's say that to go scuba diving I had no obsession or passion or dreams of going scuba diving, but when the opportunity came up plus, eric is probably one of my best friends in the top five, seven top friends of mine If he's got something going on and I'm invited, I'm going. I'm not going to say no because I just enjoy spending time with Eric.

Chris Hofstra: 9:30

He's great yeah.

Ty Cobb Backer: 9:32

Yes, for sure I'm going to get something out of this, and I thought what a great opportunity for me to face that fear Right. Like you hear people, you know that story about that old lady not wanting to take the elevator Right, about that old lady not wanting to take the elevator right. I don't know if you've ever heard that story or not and I don't know well enough to explain it, but it was one of those fears where I just I knew I had to face the fear. Now it's time for me to walk the walk right. Like I talk about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and pushing yourself to the next level. And there's another gear stop, you know, don't't, don't, stop the fight and all that stuff. So it's like okay. So saturday night, um, the first night that that I had my six hour pool training, I was contemplating if I was going back sunday and I won't talk too much about this because I'll get more into the trip then, but I just want everybody to know, like the mental masturbation that went on behind the scenes of like I'm doing, I'm not doing, I not doing it, I'm doing it, I'm not doing it, I'm doing it, I'm not doing it Right, like I was arguing with myself and then I came to the conclusion of, like, what kind of human being or leader would I be if I don't complete something that I said that I was going to do? First and foremost? Right? And the second thing that went through my mind was is, if I can overcome this adversity? Right, like, I need to put myself in this uncomfortable situation because, you know, mental toughness isn't, you know, it's something that you have to work on, right, it's a skill. Right, you have to intentionally put yourself in uncomfortable situations. You know it's a mental thing, not necessarily a physical thing. Right, so it was a mental thing. So I'm always continuously trying to work on that skill of mental toughness, right. So, anyhow, I called, went through all that, I finished it. I completed it.

Ty Cobb Backer: 11:15

I called Eric three days before and I was like dude, I'm not coming, right? Yep, called him up, said I'm not coming, not going to do it, can't do it. And I'm coming up, I'm trying to come up with these things that aren't necessarily lies, but I'm grasping at straws here, bro, like why I can't go, like I can't, I just we're busy, we're working three storms right now. And he kind of laughed and chuckled and I'm like laughing at myself because now I'm embarrassed of like telling him you know these awful things that aren't necessarily true, because who cares that? We're working three storms. What am I doing? I'm not doing anything, the team's doing it. Like I'm just going to sit at my desk and kick myself in the ass because I didn't go really is what probably would have happened last week.

Ty Cobb Backer: 11:59

Anyhow, I get off the phone, I call. I talked to Jana I and of course she's like that's just dumb. You spent all this money on this training, certification, and she's like you even bought your plane tickets, didn't you? And I was like, yeah, she's like you're dumb. So I was like, okay, I call Eric up literally 3.2 minutes later. I'm like dude, don't, don't give up my room yet, bitch. And he laughed. He was like well, that didn't take long. And I was like, no, I'm coming. I'm going so.

Ty Cobb Backer: 12:31

Long story short, we get there. It's beautiful. I get there on a Monday, right, it's beautiful. The island is just magnificent. The weather, finally, because, mind you, when I drove to Harrisburg airport that morning, it was 33 degrees. I get down there, it's 90 and it's beautiful, right. And the cool thing about this retreat is is that there was. There wasn't any curriculum or schedule or itinerary, other than we're going diving at this time. Ok, besides, that was just more fellowship, camaraderie, you know, networking with really high level people Joe Huffman, tim Brown, jack Ryan, david Daniels, and the list goes on Erico, mike, claudio, right, like I would have just went.

Ty Cobb Backer: 13:15

Yeah right, ty Backer, right, and this is my insecurity kicking in, right, this whole time. And like one, I don't deserve to be in a group, you know, in the same house with these people. You know, right, it's all about me. I had to make it all about me, but I stepped outside of myself. I did it.

Ty Cobb Backer: 13:32

And, anyhow, when I get there and it's like people are asking me questions, right, like, so now it's not like, what am I going to get from this trip? Right, cause, that's what we think like, what am I going to get out of it? I'm not going to get anything good out of the ship. When I get there no-transcript, high pressured circumstances, you know. And then retraining my mind, how to breathe, not through my nose anymore, but but through my mouth, and then actually slow down and smell the roses, yeah Right, like, let's stop thinking about me so much. And like, let's actually take in the atmosphere here. Let's stop thinking about how I'm not, you know, breathing, or how I am breathing or I'm using up too much oxygen. Let's, let's take in the atmosphere here a little bit Like, okay, I'm, I'm 30 some feet underwater here, man, like, I'm a little bit like, okay, I'm. I'm 30 some feet underwater here. Man, like I'm gaining a superpower here like aquaman, okay, I'm digging it, I'm digging it.

Ty Cobb Backer: 14:58

The worst part of it was it was the training right. They give you all worst case scenarios. Let's turn your oxygen off while you're 40 feet below. Yeah, that doesn't sound like a good idea to me, but okay, you know, tell your friend or your buddy it's buddy system. Let him know I'm out of air. Grab the secondary that he's got, stick it in your mouth. Okay, cool, got through it. Give it back to him. Turn the air back on. Put my regulator back in. Still alive, we're good, rip your mask off now.

Chris Hofstra: 15:30

Yep, underwater, okay, that's the, the worst one, that was the hardest one for me is taking the gear off yeah, take, yeah.

Ty Cobb Backer: 15:37

And then you got to take the actual gear off that wants to float away. And then actually the getting it off was the easy part, getting it back on was, for me, it was the hard part, because I think the actual unit the best and everything weighs more than I do. Yeah, so to like manhandle this thing. And then you got all of these, you got your secondary, you got your regulators, you got your whatever the hell that thing is that fills it up with air and lets air back out of it. That thingy, your snorkel smacking in the face and wants to help rip your mask off and let water in there, and shit.

Ty Cobb Backer: 16:10

All these crazy things going on that I I'm not even used to, nor do I even know the names of these things yet. Like, what does this do? What does that do? And the weights like they actually put weights on you. Like dude, that's like no, you're not, you're not weighing me down underwater. Like we're not doing this. Okay, because that just sounds really stupid to me. Like you're gonna throw like stones in my vest and like, weigh my ass down.

Chris Hofstra: 16:33

You know how they call people, right they? Put a millstone around their ankles and throw them in the water right.

Ty Cobb Backer: 16:39

Right.

Ty Cobb Backer: 16:40

So I'm not digging none of this. I'm not digging none of this. And then the other thing was, too, one of the principles that I've learned over the years, it's like one is is like the only way to get out of me is to get into somebody else. So, fortunately, there was three other gentlemen that were going through the same training as me, and the other eight people that were there were already experienced divers, so they got to do their own separate dives. And then the four of us me, tim, jack Ryan, and there's another gentleman I can't think of his name off the top of my head, it'll come to me then. So we're all kind of in the same boat together, literally, physically, metaphorically, in the same boat together while we're diving.

Ty Cobb Backer: 17:19

Okay, like none of us know what the hell we're doing, we're all kind of like trying to act like we're not scared. But I know for a fact that we are. At least I was, and maybe I didn't show it as much because Tim told me later he's like I didn't realize you were as nervous as you were until you told me and he said I saw what you did there, like you started to pay more attention to me than you did your own self. I was like that's exactly what I did, because I was taught that. I've known that for the past 10 years. Like you know, the only way to get out of me is to get into somebody else, like deal like, like lessen their burdens, right, like so how can I help you out? Like I'm going through shit right now myself, but the only way I can forget about it is to dive into your mess, right, and that's kind of like what I did. I kind of like was making sure that he was okay, he was still behind us or he's in front of us, and I'd look at him every now and then under the water, and this obviously means okay, you chill, yep, I'm good and you know, and, and I just paid more attention to him and it kind of took my mind off of me, right, like my, my problems weren't that important anymore, because I'm more concerned about tim now at this moment.

Ty Cobb Backer: 18:20

Yeah, right, because he's like a six foot two dude, not, you know, it's almost like you know, some people just look like he. I don't know if, like, if there's a perfect size to be a scuba diver, but like, like I know, most jockeys that race horses are like really short, right, and that just it's perfect. Like Tim wouldn't be a good horseback rider because he's so tall, or a roofer because he would have to bend over. Well, with him being such a obese tall not that he's heavy or anything, but he's just a really tall guy, like he just looked at first, kind of awkward in there and buoyancy is has everything to do with how much air you have in your lungs and how much you you blow out. Has a lot to do with your buoyancy, plus the weights that they think is a great idea to pack in your west in your vest.

Ty Cobb Backer: 19:05

Um has a lot to do with your buoyancy in there and and both of us were having issues with that. But I was more concerned about him again, like I said, and it just you know what, it wasn't that bad. I I started, you know, to relax a little bit and just thinking about it kind of gets my anxiety up a little bit, just thinking about that again. So I'm not looking forward. Well, I don't have my next diving date planned yet, but I will go next year for sure with eric when he does this. Your certifications what?

Ty Cobb Backer: 19:34

a year, two years um, you know, I that I don't know, but I don't think there's really anything other than probably paying something. I don't think you have to redo it oh, okay every so often.

Ty Cobb Backer: 19:45

I think once you're certified, you're certified now. Your equipment, on the other hand, needs to be inspected every so often, more more often than not just because that's a big deal, right, like. You need all of that inspected the tanks and your regulators and things like that. The valves need inspected, I think, yearly, which is only, I think, a really smart thing to do when it comes to, you know, breathing. You know we eventually got down to about 130 feet and, yeah, we didn't find that out till we got back up there. But you know, besides the scoop yeah, yeah, I mean it really was the whole trip was amazing the conversations that we had, the things that we learned from each other and the vulnerability I think that was the greatest part of it all like was just to be able to take down all defense mechanisms and just breathe freely around other roofing contractors, other people in our space, whether it's marketing, door-to-door, um, you know other contractors and and you know people like that and like-minded people in the same space that we're in right now. It's just great to to be really vulnerable.

Ty Cobb Backer: 20:49

Joe huffman and I had some really high level space that we're in right now. It's just great to be really vulnerable. Joe Hoffman and I had some really high level, deep conversations. We're both kind of in the same positions in our companies and it was really nice to talk to somebody else and know that they struggle or have the same fears or same successes. You know what I mean. It was very I felt very open and freely to speak with Joe at that level. And then, of course, you know, having other conversations with the other guys too was just I've I learned just as much from them, whether they know it or not, as they did for me and the other. If anything else, it was just a reminder of where I was and not to forget where I came from, either bomb kind of thing, yeah, yeah.

Chris Hofstra: 21:32

So yeah.

Ty Cobb Backer: 21:33

Yeah, yeah, so you can do it again.

Chris Hofstra: 21:34

Is it like a going to be an annual? Is this the? Was this the first of many years to come?

Ty Cobb Backer: 21:39

First of many to come. This is just the beginning. Eric has a lot of cool stuff up his sleeve. Right now we do a biweekly call. It's called the Cult Culture Movement. So there's a biweekly call. Joe Huffman just signed up, so I'm super excited about that, Some other roofing contractors that are in it, and then anybody not anybody, but just you know just because you're not necessarily a part of the group the Cult Culture Movement group you'll be able to go. Like, Joe wasn't a member and there was a few other. I think there was actually only three or four of us that were actual members of of CCM. But yeah, so you, you'll definitely, if you want to go, you'll definitely be able to go. So yeah, it's fun, A lot of fun, yeah, man.

Chris Hofstra: 22:25

Yeah, I was. I mean, you had extended the invite and didn't work this year, but I'd love to do it next year.

Ty Cobb Backer: 22:31

Yeah, it was fun. Have you gone scuba diving? Are you certified?

Chris Hofstra: 22:35

Yeah, I did in Jamaica one time. It was on our honeymoon. It was a little bit different. I mean, this was 18 years ago now, um, and I, I mean my memory is a little bit vague on it and that's why I was asking you about how long your certification is good for, because mine was like, not a very intense um certification. We did a pool training. Um, we had to, you know, take off all our equipment, you know, put it all back on in the pool and then that's was kind of I remember that was the last thing before we could go out and on on the boat and it was really certification for that resort and and their like their dive team or their instructors, um, so like I couldn't I couldn't have used that to go anywhere else, um, but I mean I think we went to like 40 feet, maybe 50 feet, something like that, but I just remember it was just an incredible experience. Um, it really is. Would love to do it again yeah, it really is.

Ty Cobb Backer: 23:39

Like I said, the training. The first two days we did two dives each day. Actually all three days we did two dives. So the first two days was was kind of annoying, right, because we're training but they're also giving us a little bit of time to to catch up with the they called it the fun group that actually were certified already, where we were able to catch up with the fun group and have a little bit of fun. But then you know, I just you know it was very nerve-wracking up until that point because we were training underwater 30, 40, 50 feet down. You're not in a swimming pool anymore, kid, like you know we're. We're deeper than 10 or 12 feet here.

Ty Cobb Backer: 24:14

Where something does go wrong, we got to do a safety check. You know what I mean. I got to go up. You know one one. What is it? One every one second, per foot, per foot per second or some shit like that. And then they do now a a safety check where you got to kind of hang out I don't know about 20 feet or so for about three minutes before you can actually surface anymore. So there may be some, some changes from the last time you went and I heard that that, like recently, some things changed just for more safety and you know, for yourself and those around you and stuff like that.

Ty Cobb Backer: 24:46

But what's cool about this trip is is that they have the trainers there, just for people like us. Sure, right, like somebody that hasn't done it for a while, they'll group you up, like how much experience do you have? Well, I dove twice. Ok, well, we'll put you over here with the trainees, right, and then those that have gone, you know a dozen or times more, got to go with with the guides, I guess, for lack of better terms Like because there's guides on the boat that go down with you, like they're not going to just let you.

Ty Cobb Backer: 25:12

Maybe they will, but on this trip Eric had I'm just going to assume Eric had like the trainer or not the trainers, but the guides go down with them. Because obviously I don't know if any of us have ever been to Cayman and on these reefs or not, but I can see how you get lost down there very easily. Now, granted, you just got a surface, but still I wouldn't have wanted to go down there without someone that was experienced and familiar with the landscape yeah, it's underwater forest yeah, man, it's crazy caverns, caves.

Ty Cobb Backer: 25:42

Yeah, yeah, it was good, yeah, so it was a blast. There's a lot that that I got out of it. I mean it was like, you know, coming back and and, um, you know, there were something too that that came about. There were some some personal stuff that, um, I was kind of going through and something didn't quite work out and it wasn't even necessarily personally, but it was business stuff. That, sincerely, was one of the reasons why I didn't want to go and I was reminded, you know, not to get you know too far out in the weeds on the God business stuff. But it brought me back to my knees. There was a moment when I was in Cayman that I actually dropped to my knees and asked him for help, which was so funny because it must have been a minute since I did that.

Ty Cobb Backer: 26:35

You know what I mean Sincerely, not just that one in the morning where you're just kind of like a little grateful thank you for what you give me, thank you for what you take of me and thank you mostly for everything you've left. Kind of be just becomes redundant kind of thing. You know what I mean when nothing's really going on or there's somebody sick and you're like or whatever, you know what I mean. It just kind of becomes redundant, but like this was a little bit different, right, and it was so funny to watch like his miracles happen. And I believe in I'm not a Bible bumper, I've been to church three times in my life, but I I am very much a spiritual being and and there was a situation that was going on and you know it was kind of taken away from the experience that I was having and I kind of just gave it to him like hey, man, I know you got broad shoulders, I kind of need you right now and I and I hate to ask you this because you know, I feel like the only time I ever pray is when I need something kind of thing. You know, I was having a conversation with him and that's usually what my prayers consist of. It's just a conversation with the man upstairs, right. Like it doesn't have to be like this big, huge elaborate, you know, serenity prayer or the Lord's prayer or any crazy you know prayer, just for me anyhow, it's just a conversation that I have with the man or whatever, it is Right? Um, and I had a conversation with a man and it was like bam bam bam and it doesn't always happen like that, but it's like he gave me the strength that I needed in that moment. Right, whether right, wrong or indifferent, that's just how I felt. I felt much more at peace and I was able to center myself and remove myself from self. Right, cause that's really what it was I was.

Ty Cobb Backer: 28:15

I was very self-absorbed prior to this, like everything was about me, like worried, worried for me, worried about this, where, and it all kind of just like all fingers pointed back to me. And this trip probably the biggest thing I got out of it was is like it took me out of me for that, and even I still feel that way when I got back here. So, the small little things that we have to go through during entrepreneurship and managing and leadership, there's things that we go through on a daily basis that in some people's eyes might seem like a big, big deal, but it's kind of like you become a little bit callous. But what happens? I think, at times it starts to build up. Yeah, it manifests in in this thing that we don't even know, identify or notice, right, but then it starts coming out in different ways where it's like maybe I'm, I start taking things out on people that have nothing to do with anything else that's going on in my life and stuff like that.

Ty Cobb Backer: 29:13

So I kind of felt like I was getting to that point prior to this trip. I was very self-absorbed, right Like me, me, me, how I feel, what's going on with me, and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And. And I was taking my focus on off like the primary purpose of like why I'm doing this, what like the trip, and why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Why am I even here? Why am I still showing up? I should have retired five years ago.

Ty Cobb Backer: 29:36

Like this fucking bullshit, right? And it's like, dude, you signed up for this, like I knew what I signed up for a long time ago, and it's like I started to lose sight of that, where it's like what was important to me just wasn't that important. You, you know what I mean, like other people's feelings, or you know, I don't care what they think about you, or I don't care how this affects them. And I was just. You know, there was a brief moment, probably the week leading up to that, I became very self-absorbed, not financially greedy or anything like that, it was more so like my attitude towards things you know what I mean Like my patience and tolerance for people and silliness and stuff, and like where I just didn't want to be that shoulder today for you to cry on Like I'm not into it, like inspiring very tiring, get away from me. I mean like I started to become very like. I don't even know how to explain that. I think if, unless you've gone through something like that, you probably think I'm crazy.

Chris Hofstra: 30:28

No, I think to a certain degree you probably think I'm crazy. No, I think to a certain degree, anybody that has kids knows what that feels like, right, I mean, you don't have to be the leader of a large multi-state company like you to feel a to feel that in some way. Right, um, it's different in your shoes, but I mean, I mean I feel that way as a dad with a eight, 10, eight and five-year-old, you know, like where it's just like. Would you guys just like go to bed and leave me alone, like I'm? I'm sick of catering to your needs, you know. And that patience wears thin, you know. And so I think any parent can, can relate to that, you know. You just want your just leave me alone, yeah, yeah.

Ty Cobb Backer: 31:18

Well, you know, I had an opportunity to look back to see what. What led up to that. What was I not doing? You know, the selfish part of this is what was I not doing for myself? Was I not doing? You know, the selfish part of this is what was I not doing for myself? What expectations was I not meeting? Or what goals, what promises was I breaking to myself to make me feel that way? Because when there's something wrong, right, when there's something wrong, there's something wrong with me at the end of the day. Think about that for a second.

Ty Cobb Backer: 31:43

You know, I'm going to say it again when there's something wrong, there's something wrong with me. I've dealt with these situations hundreds, sometimes thousands, dozens of times, but today I'm handling it much differently. Why? It's not that you did anything differently or this situation is not very unusual, but I'm just not dealing with it very well today. And why. What led up to that? And usually for me it's a series of things, not just because I didn't get enough sleep last night, right, because I think tired a lot of times is a mindset, and that's a whole other topic. But you know, obviously you gotta, you gotta sleep, gotta get a lot of rest, good, whatever, figure out what that rest is for you. Some people it's four hours, some people it's eight hours.

Ty Cobb Backer: 32:27

Um, eating, eating healthy, right, working out, um, reading daily affirmations, you know, listening to podcasts, reading books, whatever. You know where. What was I? What? And I think a lot of it was, is, and I know for a fact what it was. It was I was.

Ty Cobb Backer: 32:43

There was promises that I was making to myself and other people where I felt like I was failing and and, simply put, was is that I? Just my pride or my ego wasn't allowing me to ask for help? I was biting off more than I could chew. There was deadlines that I didn't meet for for certain things and and it was really starting to eat me alive and it was coming out in in different ways, right Like my attitude towards things. I wasn't, my self-esteem was low, I was short-tempered and really, at the end of the day, what it came down to was is that I needed to ask for help, and I asked Tam for help. Tam has been become, over the past three weeks, my assistant, which has been a lifesaver to me, and it's like I almost needed to tell on myself a little bit like hey, tim, I got these things going on. Man, like I just there's not enough time in a day or I really don't know what the hell I'm doing and I don't know why.

Ty Cobb Backer: 33:39

I said I was going to do it, but I think you could really help me out with this. You know it was just several, couple, couple, few things. It wasn't a whole lot of things about three or four things that I just needed help with. Right that selfishly. If I would have gave it to her sooner, um, you know, it would have improved the quality of her life and and it was things like that where it was like improving the quality of the company's life. You know what I mean like things that I wanted to do and things that I wanted to get the company involved with, but like I was being selfish to to a certain extent. Like you know what I mean. Like no, I can do this, I want to do this, and it was like, well, that was dumb. You know what I mean. Like I just missed an opportunity to like actually empower somebody or empower a team, or assign to feel ownership in something, and it was like I was holding onto the shit that was literally making me feel miserable inside because I wasn't doing it.

Chris Hofstra: 34:33

No, I love it. I mean, ty, what you're explaining I can't. I hopefully the analogy resonates with people listening that have children. But I mean you are a father of the children in your company. It's the same interaction as a dad or a mom 100%, you have one child or you have six. The reality is you can try to do it all yourself and then take out your anger and frustration on your kids where you can bring them into the process, where you can bring them into the process.

Chris Hofstra: 35:10

And I think the challenging part is like, well, I don't, you know, I don't want to make them do the dishes or, you know, get their dirty clothes because they won't do it right or they won't, you know, turn their clothes right side out or what stupid stuff. But if we get them involved, it lightens our load and then we can have the capacity to love them the way that they need to be loved. Like you said, the problem is it's you, it's it's. It's a mean problem when there's issues with the kids. Sure, they're acting out, but at the end of the day, like our kids, our mission field, like they're the ones that they literally need help. They're, they're foolish by nature because they're just children, and so you know I can choose to. You know blame it on them, for you know they're just disobedient. If only they would just listen. Why do I have to repeat myself all the time? But that's a me problem.

Chris Hofstra: 35:59

That's not their problem and I, you know I'm constantly, constantly learning that and you know I think we've talked about this a little bit but like the last, I keep I can't say the last 15 months anymore, because it's been like three months since I've really traveled but there was like a 15 month stretch there where I was traveling with you and you were doing a lot more than I was, but I was traveling and um, and it was it got tough at home because I just lost that. You know, that edge was dulling because I was gone a lot and my re-entry in the home was always rough and and all those things. So you know, it's been really nice the last three months to just kind of be here, you know, and um, and just be more mindful of my role. Like I said, a mission field like these kids are Heidi and I aren't missionaries.

Chris Hofstra: 36:55

You know we don't do that, um, and you know God bless people that do that and raise kids. But, like, our mission field is our kids when they come home from school, putting them to bed, you know, feeding them dinner, which is a a war every day, you know, because nothing tastes good, but anyway. So I know I totally relate to what you're saying. You're just applying that. Those same interactions in a company setting yeah, we all can experience that at home too, if we have a family. If we don't have a family, maybe we remember that when we were, you know, home with, with our folks yeah now, and I love how you brought it home.

Ty Cobb Backer: 37:47

You know what I mean. Like to to the, to the, the home life, right? Because you know, a lot of times I think I get caught up in you know that or don't get caught up in, like, how important, is it really right that they left their shoes on the floor? You know what I mean, because I do it all the time. I've done it, I've I've not cleaned up after myself, I've left the dirty dish on the coffee table, you, you know what I mean, those things that I know for a fact that annoy the shit out of janna, and I'm sure you've done the same thing to heidi.

Ty Cobb Backer: 38:20

You know, and it's like, here I am, you know, not necessarily even leading by example, but I'm making a big deal out of it and I think it really comes down to not being very centered and okay with myself at that moment, because I feel like maybe everything else is out of control in my life, but I'm going to come home and I'm going to control. You know that control freak in me starts veering its ugly head Like no, you're going to listen to me, right, like you know, and I think that's what it comes down to all the time to listen to me, right, like you know, and I think that's what it comes down to all the time, but if we can really look at it, and and and and, our jobs as parents is to bring joy and and and coach and mentor, you know, and be patient with our children, right, like that's what we were here to do, like we, they didn't ask to be here, right.

Ty Cobb Backer: 39:02

You know what I mean, like they didn't ask to be here. You kids are out there listening to this and can use that to their advantage. I'm not even the one, because I think I yelled that at my mom once. I didn't even want to be here. We've got to keep that in mind.

Ty Cobb Backer: 39:22

I read a book every day. It's called the Daily Dad by Ryan Holiday. It's so good. It's so good because it's so well-rounded on every aspect facet and it's very neutral, right, and that's what I like about it. It's not too far right, it's not too far left, it's very neutral.

Ty Cobb Backer: 39:40

And he quotes everybody. I mean quotes everybody and he uses because he's a, uh, like a modern day stoic. So marcus euralius is brought up a lot and and I really like his, his theories and his thinking, the way that he thought back, even back I don't even know how long ago that was and he didn't even have a mentor or coach or anything. But like we're still 2 000 years later, we're still using his, his quotes and his literature and reading from it and stuff like that. But not, but anyhow. Um, but I read it and it really helps me and I try to apply that to be a better parent today. That's one of the books I read another daily affirmation book, um that I really enjoy and I've actually read that for um over years now. I read it every single day. I've read it 10 times the same day, 10, 10 years in a row and it means something. The crazy thing is is that it means something different to me today than it did 10 years ago, let alone just a year ago. Right, like how much differently I think today or how, how it applies differently in my life today. But but one of the things that he talks about is is like the encouragement of, of your children, leading by example. If, if, if you're not doing it, don't dare tell them not to do it. Right, and how you're treating each other parents. Like, how are we treating each other? And how do we want them to leave this house and treat other people if we're arguing all the time and doing things and and you know, making them lie, like tell your teacher that you were sick today. Like how do you think they're going to go through life? That's acceptable. Now, my mom told me, you know I'm, the reason why we stayed home was because I was sick. But, knowing them well, we just wanted to go to the amusement park or whatever, whatever the case might be. But it's like we have to be super cautious and careful about, like, what are we disciplining and why? Like, how is it going to affect them? Because they're sponges, man, we all know kids are so super smart. They're very resilient, so if we do screw up, it's okay. Kids are very resilient, thank God Right, because there was at least back when I started having kids.

Ty Cobb Backer: 41:53

There wasn't like a YouTube channel where I could watch how to be a great parent, or even a book, let alone. Maybe there was a book, but I just wasn't smart enough because there wasn't Kindle or Amazon or anything like that where I could go and, like, actually search a book on how to be a better parent or anything like that. So there wasn't a roadmap on for me to to become a better parent. But, like, the bottom line is is like, how do we actually want people to see our children, how do we want our children to treat other people Right and how do we want to be treated so, and that's how we would treat our own kids and mentor them, and that's what's so cool is like the things that I didn't have or I wasn't aware of at age five. I have the opportunity to bring that to their attention today.

Ty Cobb Backer: 42:32

Like I didn't get to experience these things when I was five years old, I didn't get to experience these things when I was 10 years old, like rockets, at a really cool age right now where, like, I'm sharing my books with him because I'm grooming him, because he's the future, he's the future, he's our next in line of leadership, and how cool would it have been if I would have had those resources or that mentor, that coach or that parent at that time and don't get me wrong, my dad has and is still one of my biggest coaches and mentors today. Right, but the tools and the resources that we have access to and how fast we can get them up to speed on how to become a better speaker, how to become a better student, how to treat women, how to all of these things of respect and you know and and and being responsible, right, cause that's probably one of our biggest things Well, why are you so irresponsible? Or how can you be so irresponsible? And it's like god, they're seven years old, like give them a break, really the day.

Chris Hofstra: 43:33

So yeah, that's such good stuff, ty, and we could probably go another hour talking about all of that.

Ty Cobb Backer: 43:42

Um, yeah, for sure it's, it's good stuff sorry, I felt like I took you hostage here for a second.

Chris Hofstra: 43:48

Sorry oh, that was great. I loved it. You added some great context to what I was trying to trying to say. Um, being a dad is a, you know, obviously, um, growing lead scout and and making lead scout the best you know tool and and resource it can be to this, uh, this community that we are a part of, um is right at the top, but, you know, being a being a good husband and a good dad is is right above that.

Ty Cobb Backer: 44:21

So, you know, it's something I think about all the time, and um, so it's just good to talk about it is and traveling's hard, you know, as, as as a parent, as a leader, an entrepreneur, like you were talking about like 15 months, that was grueling. You know there's and again playing back into that mental toughness like that this isn't for the, the weak-minded or the weak-hearted. You know, in in the correction that we have to make, like when you said, when you got back, like that entry back into the household was, was a learning curve, because we didn't. I've never experienced what we experienced last year yeah you, you fit.

Chris Hofstra: 44:59

We figured it out like it was in on the spot training yeah, absolutely you just figured it out by doing it wrong a lot of times. I think that's how we all learn a lot of things. We just you touch the pan at, burn judge, like I'm not doing that again um that's how we learn. It's just painful to learn that one sometimes, but that's, I think, that's why it works. You, you know.

Ty Cobb Backer: 45:26

For sure, for sure, through pain comes growth. Everybody knows that, you know through through self, and the problem not the problem, but the the reality is is 90% of the issues that we deal with, or the pain that we suffer from is self-inflicted pain. 90% of it and I'm leaving 10 in there, because good things do happen to bad people. You know things, but but how we deal with it, I think is really the difference, right, like, how long do we let that stick with us? How many days do we let it ruin our days? You know those in through learning, the trial and error of like, okay, I don't like how I'm feeling right now, like I'm done, making myself miserable and everybody around me. You know when you can identify that knowing that you're doing that to yourself and those that you love, because we hurt the ones that we love the most, right, those that are at home, starts at home, we're treating them like shit. They're I'm miserable. They're miserable because, really, at the end of the day and it's kind of like a healthy codependency going on in your household, right, like, because when daddy gets home, he sets the tone. Right, you know what I mean. You gotta like clear out your, your inboxes, get your shit. You know, sit in the driveway for a minute, listen to your favorite rock song and and jam out and and before you go in the house. But that didn't happen and I'm still not 100 great at that. Right, because the phone will still ring when I go home or whatever, and it it'll totally, it'll be like a light switch when I went home.

Ty Cobb Backer: 46:49

I'm in a great mood. I take a phone call, I read an email, I take a text message and boom, they sense it, they know it. Jana knows that my face, my persona, everything my presence about me just changes. Boom, not as bad as I used to bring all that home all the time and it's like I've gotten much better at it. I'm not 100 perfect at it, because they don't. They don't know what everyone, they don't give a shit, they just want dad home. You know right, like where's dad. You know, can you sit down for a minute? It's like I.

Ty Cobb Backer: 47:25

I took it this this past year, this whole school year, um, and this morning I actually got to see rocket for about 2.3 seconds, but I had to. I had to leave early today, but I try to spend about five to 15 minutes with rocket every morning, something I never did before. I know it might sound pathetic to some people, but it was like you know, I thought I worked myself to death thinking that's what my family needed. Yeah, but knowing what I know today is that's not what they actually needed from me. That's not what they wanted maybe what they needed, but it's not really what they wanted. But they just wanted me, my time, just to be there, and the consistency of my face in the morning asking him what are you guys working on today? How did that project go yesterday? Just little, small conversation. It's not nothing and to me it's very, it's very profound. You know what I mean. It's very important that that we spend that, that that quality 10, 15 minutes in the morning. And, like I said this morning, it was, it was about 2.3 seconds and I was actually and I'm going to snitch on myself here a little bit was is that I was going to leave without saying him goodbye, saying goodbye to him, but I think he heard me coming down the steps and opened up his room door and stuck his head out there and I was like he's used to that, that routine in the morning of seeing you yes, yes, yes that

Ty Cobb Backer: 48:43

consistency yeah yeah, you know what I mean, because I don't know how many first days of school or football practice or basketball games that I've missed over the years. I can't count them on both hands and feet. Like, unfortunately, and honestly, today my success, my success rating, is different. Today, like, how I rate success, right, success for me starts at the house, and I keep saying that publicly here a lot lately because it's not true until I announce it publicly, right, if I keep it up here and I don't verbalize that and I don't say it like it, I can't, it won't come to fruition. Right, but if I keep saying it to myself and I keep saying it out loud, like my success starts at home, my success starts at home. My success starts at home Eventually, you know, continuously working on that. Hopefully, at some point in time it'll start working me Right, working into my life, naturally. And right now I'm in a good, good space. Right now this week's been a good week, even prior to going to the scuba diving the exhale they called it.

Ty Cobb Backer: 49:45

The retreat was called Hexhale, which was pretty, pretty cool because we got a minute to actually catch our breath and, plus, we were scuba diving. But even leading up to that, nothing was wrong. The only thing that was wrong was the six inches between my ears. I was still performing well, I just didn't feel right. I felt overwhelmed and I was overwhelming myself. At the end of the day, it wasn't anything outside that was any different. Really, it's the same pressure. I don't know why it's any different today than it was yesterday, but I was uh. I think it was the broken promises that I made to myself. It was really starting to eat me alive a little bit. And, uh, when I asked for help help man it just immediately changed. Um, my, my outlook, my perception, my attitude changed almost immediately when I gave up yeah, love that yeah yeah the end of yourself.

Chris Hofstra: 50:42

Yeah, new things yeah I said, you coming to just being able to come to the end of yourself, and you find amazing things yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought you said that it made you think of three things.

Ty Cobb Backer: 50:56

Um, I'm sure it made you think of a lot of things. Yeah, yeah. No, that's cool though. Um, it's good, I enjoy we. I enjoy our conversations, chris, it's always. Usually, I think, you're the one that ends up talking most this time.

Chris Hofstra: 51:12

I intentionally did that, did you? Well, it's been a minute since I hadn't talked to you since your trip and I just wanted to get the download on what's going on with Ty. So I appreciate it.

Ty Cobb Backer: 51:24

You got it. You got it in a nutshell.

Chris Hofstra: 51:27

Yeah, plus, sometimes, you know, like you were saying, sometimes I feel like it's I mean, I do these calls all day, every day, and it's kind of about me, right, it's about lead scout or what I have to offer, and so sometimes it's just nice to listen, and so thanks for letting me listen today.

Ty Cobb Backer: 51:43

Yeah, you're welcome, buddy, you're welcome. No, I, yeah, you're welcome, buddy, you're welcome. No, I always enjoy our conversations. Like you said, it's been a minute since we got caught up and and we did it fortunately or unfortunately with everybody listening um, live today. But, like we said last night, like I think we briefly talked about what are we going to talk about? It's like, why don't we just catch up?

Ty Cobb Backer: 52:03

that's right, yeah, exactly why don't we just catch up? So at least I'm caught up with you. So maybe we'll catch up later this week and I'll find out more about what's going on in love chris's world.

Chris Hofstra: 52:16

But uh, we'll save everybody the next 54 minutes and I won't. You won't get to download from chris this time, but I'll gladly give it to you. Ty, just call me anytime I know that.

Ty Cobb Backer: 52:25

I know that. So, right there, I think that's a great way to to wrap up this wonderful wednesday afternoon. Chris, always a pleasure, thank you. You know I love you. Um, if you need anything, just name I will. And uh, thank you guys for tuning in. If you haven't liked love, subscribe, please do that. Please share this with your friends. I think this was a pretty good episode. A little little vulnerability there. I I told on myself on a couple things there and uh, but thank you guys for taking the time out of your day for, for, uh, you know, wednesday lunchtime. Hopefully you caught us on your lunch break and not getting in trouble with your boss today by by listening to this. But, uh, check it out on the replay if you didn't get to hear the whole thing. And we'll see you next week on episode 229, where you're going to have another great guest, somebody we haven't had on the show yet. So you'll have to check it out next week and stay tuned and we'll check you guys out next week. Thanks for watching.

Chris Hofstra: 53:24

See you guys.