Behind the Toolbelt
Behind the ToolBelt is a live, raw, and uncut podcast that brings real, unfiltered conversations about business, leadership, and the entrepreneurial mindset. Hosted by Ty Cobb Backer, CEO of TC Backer Construction, this live show features industry leaders, innovators, and experts sharing their experiences, strategies, and insights. From building successful companies to overcoming challenges, each episode offers valuable perspectives for entrepreneurs and business owners and leaders looking to grow, and make an impact.
Behind the Toolbelt
Embracing Growth and Gratitude in the Roofing Community
Stephen Spence joins us on Behind the Tool Belt to share the inspiring story behind the Swing Fore Recovery event, an initiative supporting roofers in recovery. From its origins to the vision for the future, we explore how this impactful event came to life and the excitement surrounding the next chapter. The unfiltered insights from our discussion set the stage for a new segment called "Brick by Brick," where we aim to offer authentic, heartfelt narratives that resonate with our listeners.
Our journey continues with a journey into the meticulous planning of charity golf tournaments at Briarwood. Sparked by a podcast conversation earlier this year, these events were more than just gatherings on the green. Through teamwork and collaboration with figures like Dan Moyer and partners such as Ty and the TC Backer team, we saw firsthand the powerful influence of a supportive community in recovery. This segment captures the essence of fostering strong connections, focusing on how these relationships have positively shaped both personal and professional lives.
The episode wraps up with stories of resilience and gratitude. We raised over $20,600, greatly surpassing our initial goals, to send roofers in recovery to rehab. This profound achievement is a testament to the generosity of sponsors and the solidarity among those who attended. We get into the emotional aspects of recovery, sharing personal stories of growth, vulnerability, and the ongoing journey toward wellness. Listeners will feel the power of community, as we highlight the importance of mental health, personal transformation, and living life fully with renewed purpose and joy.
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We're live. Welcome back everybody to Behind the Tool Belt, episode 255. Thank you for joining us on this Wednesday edition. Today we have another special guest. Stay tuned, and we will be right back after our short intro from our sponsors.
:Welcome to Behind the Toolbelt, where the stories are bold, the conversations are real and the insights come to you live, raw and uncut. Every week, host Ty Cobb-Backer sits down with game changers, trailblazers and industry leaders who aren't afraid to tell it like it is no filters, no scripts, just the truth. Please welcome your host of Behind the tool belt, ty cobb backer.
Stephen Spence:wow love that. That was good, that was good. Did vic do that whole thing?
Ty Cobb Backer:vicky tiki talk did it, man. He did a good job on that too. It's great, yeah, very impressive, brother. Yeah, it's good, it's good. We got something else that we're working on too. I'm gonna let the cat out of the bag. Um, we're gonna do a little uh podcast inside of a podcast called brick by brick, and it'll probably be a little closer to 15, 10, 15, 5 minute little clips of some experiences, knowledge, nuggets that I want to drop on there. Vic and I have actually we started on this couple years ago where he just started recording me some stuff off offline, a little bit, just me rambling talking about trying to fix the world's problems. The uncut, the unsugarcoated version of myself offline might be a couple few more F-bombs here and there, but super, super excited about launching that here soon. And we started out at my breakout at roofcon was called brick by brick.
Ty Cobb Backer:So, uh, we're, that's kind of we're you know, we're building this thing out brick by brick and, uh, if anybody knows the story of where that analogy or that statement or term has come from, uh, I would suggest looking into it.
Stephen Spence:So, anyhow, were you thinking? Were you thinking of calling it a different name at one point? Yeah, like there was a different name yeah, what, what was that?
Ty Cobb Backer:what? What did we?
Ty Cobb Backer:oh man, I can't remember, I can't remember, either because I remember you and I talking about it a year or two ago yeah, yeah, so we never really stopped doing it raw and uncut or something like that man, I I don't remember what the hell was the name of that that we were going to call it, it's okay. Somebody else had something similar to it and I didn't, we didn't. We were like, no, we don't want to. And then I've realized that somebody came out with a behind the brand podcast. I shouldn't have gave them any. I'm starting a new one.
Stephen Spence:I'm starting a new one.
Ty Cobb Backer:I'm starting I'm starting one called yeah, it's called behind the map, behind the map project behind the project.
Stephen Spence:Project, yeah, that's what. That's what I meant, yeah, project yeah, yeah, right on.
Ty Cobb Backer:No, I love it. What's up, man? Nothing. How are you? Steve spent project map? It got your celsius up there. I like how you like the robe. Celsius will sponsor anything and anyone, that's actually not true.
Stephen Spence:Are you trying to make me feel less? It's not true, Flex.
Ty Cobb Backer:It's not true, Flex.
Stephen Spence:It is. They told me that they usually don't sponsor anybody unless it's a thousand or more people.
Ty Cobb Backer:Oh, best of that. Okay, did you know that?
Stephen Spence:I oh, that's so that, Okay. Did you know that?
Ty Cobb Backer:I digress no, Did you want to? Did you want to apologize now or later in person? When you bring this conversation up with your therapist later, I'll let them know that I apologized. I thought this was therapy.
Stephen Spence:My microphone muted and I thought Vic was messing with me. Was that Vic that muted me?
Ty Cobb Backer:Never. We would never mute somebody. This isn't the authentic. Or get the F out show.
Stephen Spence:Yeah.
Ty Cobb Backer:Fair enough.
Stephen Spence:Yeah, but no, thank you. Thanks for having me on. I've never been on before, so I'm really excited about this.
Ty Cobb Backer:No, you haven't Not remotely. I don't think I think you were. Have you been remotely?
Stephen Spence:Yeah, once or twice out of the 10 times I've been on the show, yeah, Well, I think this is special.
Ty Cobb Backer:No better timing I mean, if maybe a week or two prior to the swing for recovery maybe might have been a good time, um, but I I think, while we're still kind of juiced up from the accomplishment that you know, that your vision here um has, you know, pulled through and man, like great stuff. So for those of you watching that don't understand where swing for recovery came from, stephen spence, the founder of swing Recovery, reached out a couple, few weeks ago, I guess, probably three months ago, three months ago, about three months ago, asked if we would be interested in hosting being a part of his second annual for Swing for Recovery and to help support roofers in recovery and, of course, and uh, or to help support roofers and recovery and, of course, um, knowing where that that vision came from, I mean, how could we not support Steven, you know, and I'll let you talk a little bit about where, where that inspiration came from and all that good stuff. But, man, it's the and I'll let you talk about what, what you accomplished, right, and then we kind of helped with that a little bit and uh, but looking forward, we're already planning next year's out, so just to already know that we're in um at whatever capacity we. We do plan on having you know so we can do it. It might be two local golf courses.
Ty Cobb Backer:I've heard tournaments being so big where they actually have to have two golf courses. I do know of a course up here. There used to be what was called Briarwood West and East. Now I think they developed half of West but they still actually have five holes over there so they might actually be able to like figure out 18 plus five holes for, you know, 44 to 88 teams or something like that within that mix, or maybe not 88, but maybe like 60 teams or something like that within that mix. Or maybe not 88, but maybe like 60 teams or something like that.
:That'd be, awesome yeah, or whatever.
Ty Cobb Backer:However, I'm not trying to influence you in any way, but and we got some time and maybe we won't wait so late Maybe, maybe in the next three, six months we'll pull something together.
Stephen Spence:Yeah, maybe instead of doing it in november, we do it in september because we have more time to plan it. Yeah, I agree exactly exactly.
Ty Cobb Backer:Let's see your way. We'll let everyone know what the hell's going on yeah, no touch on what where the vision came from. Go back to the beginning here. A little bit like the vision and what you wanted to accomplish, and maybe it didn't go so well the first time, but but then, just like any any success story, there's always a little failure in a minute. You know, in the beginning a little bit and then bam, here we are today.
Stephen Spence:So there it is. So, um, the vision, and, first of all, I did not do any of this, it was all of us you know me well enough to know that I don't ever put my name in anything Total team effort from from your, from your company, and all the awesome event planners in your neck of the woods on your company side. And my, my team did a great job as well had one of my guys, eric Harper shout out to him. He drove all over Towson where we had our charity golf tournament for a day and got some pretty cool sponsorships. And Pat, eric and I ran the tournament with Dan Moyer, who is, you know, the guy that really helped you and I. You and I both have never put on a golf tour, and I tried last year and we'll talk about that in a second. I had four foursomes, that's it. So, dan, I really I heavily relied on Dan. You relied on him less a little guidance, but you have a big team. I'm small potatoes and so we relied heavily on Dan. So big shout out to Dan. Dan Moyer and I met 20 some years ago Well gosh, probably 25 years ago. He was my brother's good friend and he's a marketing guy and he helped me start my first ever club lacrosse business here in Maryland. So I've been friends with Dan for a long time and I do know that Dan puts on golf tournaments. That's kind of like his, his bread and butter so relied heavily on him and we had a great turnout on Monday of this past week and we had an even better turnout, or a great turnout, at your charity golf tournament, which was November 4th, the week prior.
Stephen Spence:So where did it start? It started on this podcast. So I guess you know the story, but I'll share it. I think it was last year, april or, yeah, april or May of 2023. I was on your podcast and it was right around the time that was is it National Roofers and Recovery Day? Is that right? Yeah, and you mentioned I was at your studio. We were standing up in the old studio that you had and you said, yeah, I mean it's National Roofers and Recovery Day. And literally in that instant I thought to myself this is something, this is the cause I've been looking for. So just a little bit of a story. Can I digress a little bit Totally? So just the complete story is a good one, I think.
Stephen Spence:But you know, for those that know Ty and those that know me know that Ty and I are very close. We're like brothers, vic and I, the whole TC Backer team and myself, we're family. Everybody should know that and if you don't, you don't know. But I know that Ty has been a recovering addict for 14 years. I know that Vic and a lot of the people at TC Backer are in recovery, which I love.
Stephen Spence:You know, I've been in this circuit for six years now in this industry and when I started going to trade shows during the trade show season, you know I just remember I hung out with two types of people and I partied hard and I didn't party hard. You know there are times where I would come down to work out in the morning at like five in the morning before the trade show started, and there'd still be people in the lobby, just hammered, you know, with empty fifths of bottles of liquor all over, just acting like buffoons, to be totally honest with you. And I'll say that I don't care if anybody wants to call me out on that, it just it doesn't make, it didn't make sense to me. And then at some point in time, when did we actually meet? I mean, I know, the first time I personally met you and Vic, vic being the first person I ever met at TC Backer was three years ago.
:Four years ago now.
Stephen Spence:It's been three or four years ago now, src.
Ty Cobb Backer:It's been three or four years, it's been a minute we may have known of each other, but I think where we really connected was SRC Denton, where we got snowed in and yeah, and I just remember, like hanging out with you guys and going like man, what like this is the crowd I want to hang out with.
Stephen Spence:And I and I'm not I'm not in recovery, I do drink, not heavily. I've done stupid shit in my life, uh, because of drinking and things like that. So I've grown up. I'm 50 now, so I've grown up a little bit, so I'm not like this rockstar at all, but I just remember man, man, this is the crowd I want to hang out with and this is what I it's, it's who I gravitated to.
Stephen Spence:So then fast forward to our podcast last year, april, and I'd always seen on Facebook everybody like you, your, your Turkey salute and everything like that. I always see people backing and supporting some sort of charity. So when you mentioned that, I'd like been thinking for two years what charity do I want to support here at Project Mappet? What do I want to support here at Project MAPIT? What do I want to get behind, or what do we want to get behind as a company? And it just kind of it all happened when you said that in an instant I think I even told you I will donate $250 for something or whatever, and I donated money for whatever it was roofers and recovery so I tried, I tried putting on a charity golf tournament, literally like it was April, and I think I tried to put a tournament on like in may. Four weeks to like get some foursomes. And I think you and I have both learned that that's not you. You can't put on a charity golf torrent, kids, if anybody's listening here. You can't put on a charity golf tour and plan it in four weeks. It does not happen. Um, so I had four foursomes, we did, we got like some donations from my customer base. So we, we still raised about two grand, some donations from my customer base. So we, we still raised about two grand.
Stephen Spence:Um, but you know my brother at that time he was about a year into recovery. My brother struggles with alcohol addiction, uh, and he's the love of my life. I love the guy, you know he's my brother and so just it all, it all sort of happened where it was like this is what I want to do. And, yeah, this year I reached out to you and Jimmy Hammond shout out to Jimmy, he's from Destination Motivation out in Indiana, jimmy, I think. I think he took on a little too much, he, he fell into my trap from the year before. I think it was like August that we started talking about, or maybe end of July, and me and you were like yeah, let's do it in October, november, and Jimmy's like I'll do it in September, and it was like a month or six weeks to plan and he just didn't get enough. But Jimmy really inspired me. I don't know, did he inspire you to like yeah, yeah, he was fully all in he was all in and that's Jimmy.
Stephen Spence:Like for those that don't know Jimmy, I mean Jimmy's always all in, like he is, his heart is always in the right place and he was passionate about it. And his emails through our, our network of trying to plan these three golf tournaments. Because we were trying to do all three Indiana, york, pennsylvania, where Ty you are, and obviously me in Baltimore and Jimmy just couldn't pull it out. I mean it was hard. So he, but he still traveled. He drove his car to yours in York, he drove to my mind yours in York, he drove to mine this week and just great guy. So he really inspired me and yeah, the rest is history. Man, you guys did an amazing job at York.
Stephen Spence:Swag bags were awesome. I have some right here. They all handed out. Everybody got, you know, a Roofers in Recovery sweatshirt, you know, with the sweet logo on the back of TC backer. That's one of my favorite T-shirts or sweatshirts. I wear that in the winter all the time, or I will. I'm a sweatshirt kind of guy, but you guys, I mean your numbers were what time? I mean you ended up raising over 20 or very close to it, or something like that.
Ty Cobb Backer:Yeah, I thought it was right around 19. But with some little extra people walking around just handing cash, it came out to roughly $20,600.
Stephen Spence:It's amazing and my goal, just so you know, my goal was like, hey, if I can get $3,000, $5,000, I'll be happy. And I'm telling you we had huge props to all of our partners Engage, presto, media, send digital, you. Obviously certainty was a huge one, srs was a huge one, like certainty, literally. I mean they, they in total it was over ten thousand dollars of sponsorship. That certainty did financial the swag bags.
Stephen Spence:You know, everybody got like certainty towels and all the golf fun stuff, um, but all of my partners, they all pulled through and and our tournament was, I think, a little different in that all of our partners, they would like, you know, roofer, they sponsored a foursome of a company in Maryland, so we had like 13 sets of foursomes that were contracting companies, which I love, like that was really cool to me because you know they're my people that I'm trying to you know that I work with all the time. So we, we can't. I think we're at it's between 13, 5 and 15 000. We haven't finished the money because it just came in, um, but you told me, ty, it's about 15 000 for somebody to go to rehab. Is that correct?
Ty Cobb Backer:yeah, yeah, that was our goal. Our goal was to raise uh 15 000 to send somebody. And then when the the final numbers came in, I was like holy crap. And then yesterday or was monday, when you were stating how much that you were going to bring and I was like, man, we might be able to send, we might be able to pull off sending at least two people and then a little extra, you know someone to to rehab, so that's, that's huge man. I don't know if anyone else has done that for for you know the roofers and recovery cause or not, so that's that's huge man.
Ty Cobb Backer:I don't know if anyone else has done that for for you know the roofers and recovery calls or not, but that's definitely something to be proud of, steven to to be able to send somebody within the industry. You know that's. That's what the whole point is. Just to for clarity purposes. You know you have to be so, even if, steven, since you, you know, work with contractors, like if you would ever have an issue or someone on your team would have an issue not necessarily a roofer up on the roof, but somebody within our industry is struggling with three things your passion for recovery um, because of it, it has affected you, right, not necessarily you, but your family and a lot of people don't like to talk about it and I brought that up a little bit and I did a little speech.
Ty Cobb Backer:I didn't do the whole thing. It was a long day but I was going to do a big, this big speech at the end of it. But I could just tell people were kind of waiting for the 50 50 so I didn't want to take up when I get on a ramble it could have been a 30 minute freaking rabbit hole that I was gonna have to try to dig out of. But so I I chose to just kind of keep it short and sweet, like thank everybody, like literally, because what was crazy about our golf tournament, like you had mentioned, ours was a little bit different. But when you scanned our room, every person sitting in that room had like I, I talk about your network, is your net worth? Okay. So, whether they knew it or not, those people, I don't know how- many it was I don't.
Ty Cobb Backer:I don't know how many people was 112, 15, 20 people sitting in that room, whether they know it or not, was affected by the person, the foursome sitting next to them. Whether they know it or not, somehow some way those people had food on their table every week because of the foursome sitting next to them, every single person. That's what was super cool about it and I kind of touched on that a little bit. We didn't have a lot of contractors, but we had, you know, our insurance companies. We did have Rufo, we did have a certainty we had, we had ABC, we had SRS, we had a US LBM universal, we had Okna windows. We had a lot of support from our distribution and manufacturing, which was really cool and didn't hesitate, right One, because you know roofers and recovery and, and you know, I, I, I got a little weepy. I guess it pulled on my heartstrings because if you really think about it and I'm not tooting my own horn, but they must think highly of us If, in a matter of a couple of weeks, it might've been two months, three months max, where it was like, really you know what I mean, to pull something off like this and they agreed to it and to give them the amount of money to us to trust us enough to to do this. So that was one thing. I can keep talking about that, but it was, it was, it was amazing. But the the other thing that I was thinking about was um, um, so there was you know how. Okay, so you gravitated towards us at SRC.
Ty Cobb Backer:Okay, and the point of recovery isn't for us to avoid alcohol necessarily. Yes, I can't drink alcohol. But if I'm avoiding it right, not going to restaurants, not going to you know roofing conferences where they may serve alcohol well then, I'm allowing alcohol to still control my life. For you, okay. So I definitely didn't get sober to become a nun and not do anything or have a good time. But there was two things there. Obviously, you noticed we were having a blast there without alcohol. You had mentioned that you drink alcohol.
Ty Cobb Backer:Well, for me, being in recovery allows me to hang out with people like you who may have an occasional drink. Right, so I can be normal. Right, I choose not to drink so I can mingle and be an earthling with everybody else and play in God's sandbox. Right, because when I start drinking, I'm not in the sandbox with everybody else and play. Play in God's sandbox. Right, because when I start drinking, I'm not in the sandbox with everybody. I'm on a different I'm. I'm on a different planet, bro, like I'm just Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, right.
Ty Cobb Backer:But the important thing is is we wouldn't have this podcast, we wouldn't be able to travel, we wouldn't even have TTC backer wouldn't even be here If I chose to drink today. I know that, right, a lot of people don't like to talk about that and, and, quite frankly, I'm not promoting any of the support groups. I'm not a spokesperson for any of the support groups. I'm not going to mention their names because I don't want someone, because we don't know no press, radio or films, right, it's right, it's anonymity. But I also feel like we have a platform to let other people know that, like, if I can do this, like you can too, trust me, like you're not alone in this. So I think a lot of people are afraid, like, oh man, that's anonymous. Yeah, it is, it is. I'm not promoting that, I'm not a spokesperson.
Ty Cobb Backer:I have failed. Promoting that I'm not a spokesperson. I have failed, and this is the thing I need people to understand too, is that the programs that that I've been involved with have never and will not fail. Who fails it? What fails it is me. I have failed the program many times. I have relapsed. I'm what's called a retread.
Ty Cobb Backer:I struggled with this thing at a very young age. I've been in and out. I was my first rehab. I was 12 years old, couldn't, couldn't. I wasn't that guy that came in and was like I lost my wife, my dog, the house and the white. Oh no, I could never accumulate any of those things. I was just at a very young age, started out, I didn't like, really necessarily, the taste of alcohol, but I like the effect that it gave to me.
Ty Cobb Backer:Something happened when, when I drank, when I consumed alcohol, something happened to me and, uh, I wouldn't know what was going to happen. Um, could I control it? Yes, but it was a constant struggle and a constant battle to to try to control it and little did I know it actually had control over me. I wouldn't go certain places, I wouldn't be around certain people if they didn't drink the way that I drank and if they didn't party the way that I partied. I wanted nothing to do with you. So, right there, that limited me on every level. Success, it limited me, the people that I would let into my circle. You know what I mean. It just it. It did bad things for me. I couldn't do it, um, like a normal person could, but I'm grateful that I don't drink, because if I would continue, would have continued to keep drinking. I didn't ever met you in Denton, I know that.
:I know that for a fact.
Ty Cobb Backer:Um, so there is help out out there if you're in the industry. I think the website is something like wwwroofridgeandrecoverycom. Dot org. Yes, dot org. You're right, absolutely Dot org. We'll put that link in the comments here.
Ty Cobb Backer:So, if anyone you know, and if anybody wants to pull an instant message me off the side, like if you're struggling with, you know, any kind of addiction, you know and and listen, mental health like people don't like talk about mental health, right, and and seeking outside help, speaking with um, you know I fully support seeking outside help speaking to other individuals, especially as a man. You know. Find that person, whether you're paying for it or not, you know.
Ty Cobb Backer:I think I think we all need a sounding board of of reality. I think we all need a sounding board to just get it off. I think we all should journal more and get those crazy thoughts out of our head sometimes and then reread it back to ourselves and realize how crazy it is. But also have that person you know, and for me it's Vic, and, and sometimes you know a couple other people. But I do know I have that circle of people that I know, and for me it's Vic, and, and sometimes you know a couple other people, but I do know I have that circle of people that I know they know me, they already know something's off, they already know I'm off and I think mental health is huge and we need to be more aware of it and speak more openly about it.
Stephen Spence:I have issues, man. I've been seeing a therapist for three years now two years now and I'm a much better person because of exactly the things you say. Now my therapist probably loves me because our insurance covers it. Now I've gotten a hold of myself a little bit better. Obviously still work to be done, but I'll get on there for even just 10 minutes on a 50-minute session, talk through some things and be like hey, I'm good, thanks, doc. So I completely support everything you just said. I will say, between the two of us, raising over $35,000 is pretty kick-ass. I think that's amazing, like you said, and that supports two people right there to go to rehab. I know Roofers in Recovery just opened up a rehab center in Colorado, which is pretty awesome too. So congrats to the team from Roofers in Recovery.
Stephen Spence:Here's a story that you don't know and I'd like to share, and it's about Dan Moyer, and Dan already told me I could talk about things, but Dan Moyer is the guy that helped Ty, and I put this on and will continue. Dan has been in recovery for 18 months, and you know where those 18 months started. It started with my first tournament, where I only had four foursomes, so I bought a bunch of shirts, roofers or Swing for Recovery shirts to hand out to the tournament. My brother, dan, is the one that got the shirts made for me. My brother drove to Dan's house to pick up those shirts to bring them to the golf tournament of 16 people. That were in my first tournament and Dan remembers and just vividly.
Stephen Spence:So the cool thing about Monday's event was Dan and I sat down and there'll be lots of clips probably on social coming up, but we sat down for about a four to 11 minute or 14 minute conversation at the fire pit right there at Eagle's Nest and he told us his story and part of that story was him sharing like look man, I was struggling in life, like my, you know, my personal, my professional was not going well and it was because of the drinking. And then your brother, who hadn't seen in a while, came to pick up the shirts from me and it got us to talk and my brother had been in recovery for 10 months at that point or something and he said he just seemed intrigued and he had a conversation with my brother and he's like you know what? This is what I want to do, I need this too, and he's been in recovery ever since, and it happened because of the swing for recovery tournament, which I think is it. It started it wasn't because of, but it started that conversation with my brother, so I really loved your story. It kind of made me remember you know the thing that Dan and I talked about, but that was probably my favorite part of our two tournaments just sitting down with Dan and listening to him and share his story because, look, not in recovery I haven't been to rehab, but I learn um from the best right, I learned from you.
Stephen Spence:You know me, you and vick drove up from freaking whatever south carolina that one time and I mean we talked a lot about stuff like that and so just being me educating myself has made me a much tamer drinker. I will say that, you know, I mean I can get a little crazy too when I drink and just as I get older it's like do I really need to go get drunk right now? No, so yeah, I mean my lifestyle is tamer because of it. So you know, I just appreciate it.
Ty Cobb Backer:That's a beautiful story, because that's that's what we try to do. We try to plant seeds and that's exactly what, brother did. You know. It's attraction rather than promotion, right, if you want what I got, you'll do what I do and the the have the seed planted, you know, and we never know who we're going to impact.
Ty Cobb Backer:I like, as, as far as this podcast goes, or the reach that has, I have no clue Half the time. I have no idea until, like, I've run into somebody, somebody shared one of our episodes that you know I didn't know, listen to us, right, and it was like, hey, this is great, check it out. You know what I mean. So you know, there may be someone listening today, there could be someone listening on a replay. I have no idea. You know, we have no idea what the impact is going to be, you know. I just know that I'm the example today, right, and I'm going to try to be the best example I can be of a sober person, right, and I'm trying to be very careful of what program I'm involved with, because I don't, I don't want to ever be or people shunning me for, you know, trying to be the poster child of something, um, but I, you know, I, I, I just, you know I did, I hit it for a long time. You know, I'm not who I, I, I want to be, but I'm, I'm definitely not who I used to be. And and every day, you know, I try to do the best I possibly can on a day-to-day basis. You know, did I make some mistakes yesterday? Of course I did, and, and especially one in particular, um, you know, and, and I, I, I had to. I had to sit with that last night, you know, not nothing drinking related, but more so, you know, it's a mental toughness. It's uh, you know, today I work on other things. Thank God I don't have to worry about the drink anymore. I get to work, work on my mental, physical, spiritual. Where am I today, you know, and my mental toughness, and encouraging and inspiring people. And part of that inspiration for my story is the path of recovery, right. But I wouldn't know what I know today without that spiritual journey that I chose to go on several years ago right, to go on several years ago right, which had planted the seed in other areas of my life that needed work, that shined a light on that.
Ty Cobb Backer:Drinking was actually my solution, it wasn't actually my problem. I used it as my solution for everything. If it rained, I drank. If it sunny out, I mean, if there's an issue with something, if I needed to celebrate, it became my solution for everything. I didn't know how to. I didn't know how to function really without it. If I needed to celebrate, it became my solution for everything. I didn't know how to. I didn't know how to function really without it. I needed it and, um, you know where that obsession had worked my mind over the years.
Ty Cobb Backer:I, I don't know like I, I don't honestly know if I was born an alcoholic. I, I believe I had alcoholic tendencies and behaviors at a very young age and I know how it made me feel, made me feel part of. I never really felt like I fit in. Um, there were some skeletons going on at home. It helped me drown some of those and, uh, you know, I just didn't know quite where I fit in, but I knew when I drank I was. It made me become like a chameleon. It didn't matter what group or crowd of people that I was around. It would make me feel like I fit in, or I would show out like I could drink more, or I can drink just as much, or whatever crazy stuff that went through my head when I drank, you know, but I just know it made me feel better about me, for whatever reason. I had low self-esteem, you know which.
Ty Cobb Backer:Again, when I put the drink down, all of these things start to come to to light. Right, like okay. So I suffer from situational depression, um, I suffer from anxiety. I'm I suffer from neurosis, I'm fear filled, I'm fear driven. You know all these things that I used alcohol to cover up. You know what I mean. And then, and then, when you take away the sedation, you know what I mean. And then and then, when you take away the sedation, you're stuck with this raw, untreated. I'm going to call it alcoholism. You know the ism part is where all those other things come in. That that ism is the neurosis, the fear, the low self-esteem, all these other things that were untapped and untreated, right, that I used as alcohol for my solution to, to cover up, mask all these feelings and fears.
Stephen Spence:How long? So you're kind of hitting on something I was going to say. So when my brother got into recovery, it wasn't too long, maybe a few months or a couple of months later that we went to an annual vacation with my father and my stepmother and we bring our children and Dave and his wife go, and it was only like two months of him being in recovery. And so, like you, you're kind of hitting on some things and I'm curious if you want to hit on it even more. But you used alcohol as a solution to whatever. Right, and my brother probably did the same. I don't want to speak for him, but I know that when he decided to stop drinking, he and he did that totally on his own. He didn't need rehab or anything, but totally stopped drinking. Uh, he did not know how to handle himself as a sober person in given situations. We literally were playing games right, we play card games, board games, we puzzle and everything. It's just a chill vacation for two or three days.
Stephen Spence:And there was two episodes where he just went off the deep end on two different people and at one point I had to stand in front of my brother. I was like dude, you need to go outside and walk and collect, collect your head before you come back in, and he was like I will. He was like ready to fight me. I'm like no dude, you need to go, and he did, but it was interesting and he's obviously. He's over two years now in recovery. He's handling himself much better still trying to figure shit out, like we all are. Um, but yeah, was there, there was. There has has to be a time period of adjustment to like solving your all your worldly problems through alcohol or whatever addiction and then all of a sudden you're not doing that now. You got to figure out how to do it as a sober person. Did you struggle with that?
Ty Cobb Backer:yeah, well, like. What do I like now?
Ty Cobb Backer:yeah you know, like, uh, camping and stuff like that was like I wouldn't leave unless I had a bag of weed, like we would scour the earth the entire week if it, if it was dry, right, like things would go dry. Sometimes I couldn't find any weed like we would post on the camping trip. Or fishing, like you know, I had to question myself like will I enjoy fishing today, as, as a sober person, you know? So I had to re-acclimate myself to to a couple of things, and there's a couple of things that I won't do. You know, I've heard of people like I can't eat crabs anymore Cause I, you know crab and beer. Yeah, I've heard people say I was like, really Like food is like the shit. Now you know what I mean.
Ty Cobb Backer:Like food is my you know, food is like we go. We travel now for food like instead of traveling for like beer, events or whatever, like things that you know, like when I go to a concert or a ball game. It's like it's not about the beer, the beverages, it's about like who, who? What's famous here, right? Is it barbecue? Is it pulled pork? Is it their hot dogs? Is it?
Ty Cobb Backer:their hamburgers, yeah. So yeah, they try to find myself like who am I like? Or what do I want to be when I grow up? Because they say that at the moment you started to drink is where your mind mentally stopped growing.
Ty Cobb Backer:So when I got sober, I was a 15 year old child and and I was sensitive to everything I was fear, driven Right and the only way that I knew how to handle it was anger, right, like, because if I just I didn't know how else to handle it. You know, and I'm not a depressed person, you know, by by any means I don't need medication for that, thank God. But you know depression is, you know anger is depression, turn inward, right, and that was something I needed to, you know, figure out and, through therapy and counseling and other things like that, self-help groups. You know, I was starting to listen, right, and realize that, because the one thing I thought was like how am I ever going to have fun? Like life is going to suck, like this is going to be so boring I'm never going to be able to experience the world because there's going to be alcohol everywhere.
Ty Cobb Backer:I turn. It's going to be billboards, there's going to be all these things and all these things. You know, I kept thinking I'll never be able to drink again Never, you know. And that scared the shit out of me. An old timer once told me he's like just for today.
Stephen Spence:Yeah.
Ty Cobb Backer:Just for today. You know when you can stay in the moment, so there's a lot of lessons we learned there, like there's a lot of things that happened to me throughout the course of the day and I'll have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow and piss all over today, right, just like I did when I drank. Right, like you know, instead of like worrying about what's going to happen. Yes, I got to prepare myself and prep, you know prep for meeting, prep for the week, prep for whatever. Yes, I have to prepare myself, but I also have to learn to stay in the moment. I also have to learn how to take one minute at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, one year at a time. Right, because I like to jump and fast forward and ruin everything today that may or may not happen next week. Do you know what I mean?
Ty Cobb Backer:So it's helped me kind of take a deep breath, you know, and take a step back and and and think about something that has stuck with me for a long time. It's like, no matter what I'm going through, no matter what I have to say to myself, myself, what's wrong with right here and right now?
Stephen Spence:right now, yeah, I, I interviewed a lot of people yesterday because we're going to try to make a nice promo video that you can use and I can use for future events and uh, you know, I always said it. If you would like to share what your advice is and how many years sober you've been, that'd be awesome. And a lot, almost all of their advice was one day at a time. Like, just focus on right now, like every single one of them. And I do appreciate your comment, not even just on the recovery side of things, because it hit home with me when you, when you were talking about just talking, being able to talk about mental health, yeah, I mean, I struggled, I never knew I struggled with it and again I'm finding myself and I'm in a much better place in my my own head now is a 48 to 50 year old.
Stephen Spence:Over the last two years I've been going to therapy pretty regularly. Is that? Look, man, like the guy I was even two and a half years ago before I started going to therapy and figuring my shit out, I'm a. I'm a much better person right now and it's because I I didn't realize for 48 years I suffered horrendously of having low self-esteem. That's why I was always the class clown in high school. That's why I was, like you know, the the loud, the loud mouth, the, the biggest, the biggest partier in college, right, like I needed the attention, and I'm not going to go into why I I had to feel that intention, but I mean I was.
Stephen Spence:It was obviously, you know, growing up as a child and, like you know, separate. You know, I had a my parents divorced before I even could talk and stuff. So, anyway, point, being being able to talk about your mental health and doing something about it is has has at least really helped reshape who I am. I find myself like I'm still an extrovert. I can still travel to New York, like I did yesterday, and meet new people and by the time I leave, wherever it is a restaurant or whatever I'm like best friends with everybody in there. I still have that extrovert in me, but there's a big part of me that likes to be alone and just chill, you know, and not worry about having to be the cool guy. So, anyway, I just appreciate you sharing that Everybody, everybody has room to grow and go into accounts of some sort of psychologist therapist.
Ty Cobb Backer:It's very, very helpful and it's a. It's a journey. It's not a destination. There's no graduation date and with these tools that I've picked up over over the years, anyone can apply them and their and their life, and I highly suggest that they do. You know, thank goodness I have a place that's free, that I get to go to put a dollar in a basket and I get all the therapy that I want, right, and and a group of of like-minded people to be around where I can be very vulnerable, vulnerable.
Ty Cobb Backer:But one of the other things I struggled with too early on, especially early on and I still struggle with it at times is is being a doormat. Right, because you go from one extreme to the next like I'm not going to take anybody's shit, and then it's kind of like you start to get sober and your head starts to clear up and you struggle with this, like if they really knew who I was, this syndrome of like, ooh man, I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, I'm walking on eggshells, because if they really knew who I was, right. So you got to like learn how to stand up for yourself and not be taken advantage of because I can go from one extreme to the next. Right, I can be the biggest prick to letting everybody walk over me. So and I think most, most people deal with that, right, you can't become too cold hearted and you can't be. You know what I mean. There's nothing wrong with being nice, right, right, you know what I mean. And I don't know if anybody will say, oh well, besides Tim Brown, he's like he, you know, he's a nice guy. It's like you know he's a nice guy. It's like I'm nice, but you're gonna know when you offend me, you're gonna know when you kind of cross that line. But that's what. You're gonna know where I'm at, where I stand. And that's the thing that was probably the hardest thing for me to work on over the years is, you know, don't be mean with what you say, just mean what you say. Right, you know what I mean kind of thing. And you know, and that was kind of like I was touching on that a little bit like I said something to somebody yesterday and it was kind of mean, but I wasn't mean, I wasn't like screaming when I said it and it was kind of a coaching moment. You, you know, um, could I have said it a little differently, probably? Um, so sometimes I have to review my day right, like how, how, how did I react today? How did I respond? Did I react or did I respond? Um, you know, but that's that's what this is.
Ty Cobb Backer:This personal journey I've been on for a long time of like self-examination, self-mastery, right, and and my, my perception of things have changed. My paradigm has changed immensely of like my why, right has changed. I've grown a lot closer. I never knew relationships, especially with my significant other, my wife. I never knew it would get better with time because of the things that I've heard. Other relationships failed dah, dah, dah, dah, whatever. Like I never and I didn't know how to actually be a friend. If you were my friend, it's because you had something to offer me, like I didn't know. Like it's just okay to be someone's friend and care about them and and and want to help them without looking for something in return. But then again, make sure you don't cross that line where, like then they start to expect that, because I've had that situation too, where it's kind of like I give a give it, give it, give it, give it, give it, and then they start to expect it. But honestly, it's that's not their fault, that's my fault. I did that to them. You know what I mean, like. So I got to be careful because I'm a caring, big hearted, I'll bring 15 cats home from Greenville, south Carolina, kind of guy.
Ty Cobb Backer:Funny inside joke about that. Do you know what I mean? And Tam knows all about it. I called her up. I was like listen, I built this box and I'm bringing 15 cats home. That's hanging out around this hotel that we have down here. I just need you to figure it out when I get back. And she's like okay, did you bring 15 cats? They're gonna need rabies shots, they're gonna need all this stuff. I didn't, it was a joke, um, but she believed me because that's the kind of shit that I do, right. So she's doing lauren, like they're figuring out like this game plan, like ty's bringing home like between 15 and 25 cats and like he doesn't want to take them to the spca, like we got to finance for him. Um, that's the kind of shit that. But you know, and I got people around me that would support that crazy, stupid stuff too, you know, um, but, uh, you know. But you know we get to control this. Like we're writing the story today. You know it's someone else, isn't right, a judge isn't writing it for me, you know, parole officer isn't writing this for me.
Ty Cobb Backer:God, the sense of freedom that we have today, and you know, don't get caught up in your day to day shit and realize how good we have it, all of us, you know, we have it so good, we. You know if, if your life sucks, it's because I choose to have it suck, you know, and, and I get, I get in that zone for about five minutes. You know where it's like, ah, everything kind of sucks, but it's like I know to snap right out of it because there's only the 5%. There's always 5% of something that's going on. Yeah, you know what I mean. Don't get fixated on the 5%. Look at the other 95%.
Ty Cobb Backer:Like, am I healthy? Yep, is your food and refrigerant? Yep, is my kids out healthy? Like all these other things, right, and if we want to talk about things, but let's, let's. Let's talk about, like, the people that are in our lives today, that that, for whatever reason they were put in our lives and I'm not going to go down the god path here but like, however they were brought into our lives, right? Um, let's talk about the circle of people, the healthy-minded people, the people that want to be around me.
Ty Cobb Backer:Today, like you know, being able to go golfing with rocket, rocket golf. He took off school, he's in botak, played golf in a roofers and recovery swing for recovery golf, outing my son, my 16 year old son, who just turned 16 Friday, right, right, like loves me yeah, he loves me. He's my best friend, like dude that I'm the wealthiest guy in the world. Because of that kid, because of McKenzie, because of Jacob, who I have a relationship with today. I didn't for a long time, but I have been given that gift of a second chance, right With my kids, with my family, with my dad, my mom. My mom, before she died, got to experience me sober and I was able. I was mentally stable enough, right, because there was a long time. I wasn't especially in early recovery but at four years, sober, she moved in with us. We took care of her right Up until the day she died. She died in my house. She saw me sober. My kids, besides Jacob, actually, I don't even know if Jacob has ever seen me drunk. None of my kids, they experienced that side of me. What a blessing.
Ty Cobb Backer:Why am I so fixated on? Because a homeowner gave me a bad check. I don't know, I can't even think of anything bad right now, but I'm just saying, like all of those other things, that's what really matters. You know, my, my friend, my family loves me. They trust me. You trust me, vic, trust me, all these people in this building trust me. I don't know why, I don't want to question it. I just know I need to suit up, show up every single day. I need to be consistent and I need to. This is the biggest thing.
Ty Cobb Backer:I need to stay resilient yeah I need to learn how to bounce back.
Stephen Spence:Those are all amazing words of advice, brother, and it's the reason what gravitates me towards you, you know, as a good friend. So you're you're a wealth of knowledge and I appreciate you sharing your story. That's awesome. It's the reason why. It's the reason why I want to do a charity golf tournament like that no doubt.
Ty Cobb Backer:And you're not even recovery. So big shout out to you, bro, because most people not most people other than us, us that are in recovery would want to host an event for recovering people like I mean. I don't know anybody else that is in recovery that would want to host an event or charitable fundraiser for us knuckleheads. So thank you.
Stephen Spence:I feel really guilty, even saying this out loud when I took you guys talk about eating food. So I went out, I took you all out, right Like I was going to a trade show, and I said, ty, I'm taking the family out, it's on me. So we went to some restaurant that you guys researched up because you like your food and I budgeted a thousand dollars for that meal because I'm like, look there's I think there were like eight or nine or ten of us there, so it's going to be a thousand fifteen hundred bucks. So I was like, okay, I'm doing this. I mean, they're worth it.
Stephen Spence:That bill, you know what? That bill was 350 bucks or something like that. It was nothing because you guys don't buy alcohol and I was like, man, they are, they're having so much fun. Not one person bought any alcohol and the bill was so cheap. I gave the. I gave the. I literally doubled the tip for the waiter. I was like I gave the waiter a 300 tip and they're like what? I'm like, well, I budgeted money for this group, man. So I mean I feel horrible saying that, but even that I was like god, like you can have this much fun and not actually have to drink. That's pretty cool concept, you know so good, clean, fun.
Ty Cobb Backer:And you know, the thing is is that most people probably thought we were drinking, like other patrons of the restaurant probably thought we were drinking you know what, you know what? Why that is? We have nothing to fear today. Yeah, no guilty conscience, nothing to fear, and we just live life to its fullest. We are not a glum lot.
Stephen Spence:Yeah.
Ty Cobb Backer:Life is too short to become a nun, right Like I, I didn't get sober to not enjoy life to its fullest extent.
Ty Cobb Backer:You know, and you know the unfair advantage that we have is, you know, is the threshold of pain that us in recovery, who who have gone through the things and saw the things that a lot of us have seen, you know that's kind of the unfair advantage that we have. Like our resiliency and our threshold for pain is much greater than most people. And you know, thank God that I am an alcoholic and thank God that I'm a neurotic, fear-driven, healthy, fear-driven today, healthy fear-driven person, or else we wouldn't be here. Like, I have no fear, I can look any man or woman in the eye erotic, fear-driven, healthy, fear-driven today, healthy, fear-driven person, or else we wouldn't be here. Like, I have no fear, I can look any man or woman in the eye on any street corner across America and know that I don't owe them a damn thing and it's just. It is just a magnificent lightning, like light feeling that I feel today, you know of, of just being well. I love it. Picking up a drink one day at a time, I love it.
Stephen Spence:Yeah, if any of your, if any of your listeners are watching this and they want to be a part of this swing for recovery movement and golf torment, just let Ty know and reach out to me. I mean we want to. You know our goal next year. We did two successful ones this year, made over probably close to $35,000. It's only going to probably get bigger next year, now that we sort of know what we're doing. But I'd love to have six next year. So if anybody out there wants to bring the people Project Map it, we'll plan it for you. We'll plan it. You have to help get some sponsors, but the people is the biggest problem. It's not a problem, but it's just hard. You're trying to get 100 people. Not everybody plays golf. If any of the listeners wants to join forces with us, let us know and we'll talk and get you on the calendar for next year. We'd love to have six successful golf tournaments.
Ty Cobb Backer:Yeah, I love that.
Stephen Spence:I love that yeah.
Ty Cobb Backer:I love that. I love that. Yeah, hey this up either. Steven Vic, myself, shit, tam, amanda, amanda big, I'm going to give me Amanda and Tam.
Stephen Spence:Dude, they are awesome.
Ty Cobb Backer:Yeah, amanda, um, just crushed it. It like she saw it as a project that she could, you know, grab a hold of. And she did and you know, has kind of created a position, new position for herself. You know, here at PC Vector, and we saw something that came out of her during this you know, which is cool, you know to kind of blossom in that arena of, you know, organizing committee, you know events, you know type of position there. So big shout out to her.
Ty Cobb Backer:And of course, you know Tam was riding shotgun with her, and I'm going to say that because Tam even admitted she was under the weather, you know, there towards the push, the end, the end there, but without either one of them we would have never, we'd have never been able to do this because I'm pulled in a million different directions. But big shout out to the entire tc backer team too, because there was a lot of people once they realized we were hosting a golf tournament, um, there was golfers that work for us I didn't even know play golf right so that there was quite a few of our foursomes right there, um, and then there was a lot of volunteers kind of waiting, because I was like, look, we're going to make teams, if we have to make teams, right, and people were volunteering to play golf that never played golf. Brian Good was right, he's left-handed. He didn't care, he was going to try to play right-handed golf if he had to.
Ty Cobb Backer:So, fortunately we had too many teams showed up, the golf course had to get four more golf carts from another location. So I mean we couldn't have did it without the community First and foremost. Shout out to the community. Eric Brewer, the guys over at Integrity First Home Buyers, insurance Services United, the Chris Patton Group I mean our local insurance company investors, realtors were the first people I probably hit up, and so this was a learning experience for me too, and we'll get off here real quick.
Ty Cobb Backer:But I don't like to ask people for stuff, right for help. You know, and that's kind of one of those if they really knew who I was, kind of thing still that I struggle with sometimes. And so when I texted Eric over at integrity first time buyers and we've done business with this guy almost 16 years now but I've never really asked him for like a favor or anything I mean he's done so much for our family Like how could I? Yeah, he's why we are who we are. He's been a mentor from a distance. His business blew up, we blew up, you know, just, our network is our net worth, and then everybody that he does business with guess what we do business with too.
Ty Cobb Backer:So I hit him up and like, hey, man, we're hosting a golf tournament, you know and and you know I hate to ask anybody for anything he's like, dude, we're in. He's like, don't ever hesitate to ask me for anything. And I was like, okay, next thing, I know like he's got two foursomes, that's all you know. Come in and and donated. He had signed up for one of the sponsorship things like that. Second, like I sent him the link, boom, bam, bam, his secretary hit me up. She's like, hey, the morning of like hey, we have another foursome is there. I was like, bring them, I'll deal with it, just just get them there. And uh, she brought some yard signs out and everything that he did, I think at every hole we we put a yard sign out there just show our appreciation, and everybody else, ben Weaver, everybody. Just where I need to send out a mass email is what I got to do.
Stephen Spence:I'm working, I'm working on that myself. Shout out for me Sales transformation group was great. They jumped right on board, ryan Groff and the team, sean Sean Murphy was the spearheading guy on that, but I mean I got to meet. We just partnered with him, but I got to meet a couple of the guys, lucas being one of them. That dude's a. He's a young go-getter man. It was kind of cool. I even told sales transformation room I'm like this kid, lucas, is the real deal. And they're like yeah, man, once he learns, you know, learns the trade really well, he's going to be a stud. So it was fun. It was fun. Networking is always fun. Man. I love just driving around the cart, the cart and talking to people all day. It was awesome.
Ty Cobb Backer:It's fun. It's fun to to create, tee up an atmosphere of quality people that get to network who probably wouldn't ever network before connect Right. So that was, that was super cool. So thank you, steven, for the bright idea.
:I guess I'll let you go, cause I know you're busy as hell and we're just about at our hour mark, yeah, so I love you, keep doing there, and yeah.
Ty Cobb Backer:So those of you listening if you caught us late, please check us out on the replay. Like love, subscribe. Share this out to anybody that you think may benefit from it. Please do, and don't hesitate to reach out to any of us. So, love you guys.
:Till next week, We'll see you then Join us next week for another episode of behind the tool belt, thanks to our sponsors, tc backer, construction, lead scout, hook roofing marketing and roofle, and thank you for watching, like, follow and hit the subscribe button on our Facebook page, youtube channel, as well as Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
