Calming the Christmas chaos in this special bonus episode

Welcome to a festive episode of the Being Mum podcast! 

This episode delves into the magic and chaos of Christmas, helping mums find calm amidst the holiday frenzy. I explore the five main aspects of Christmas - religion and faith, the magic, connection, family traditions, and personal Christmas heritage.

I reflect on the pressures and expectations that come with the holiday season and provide stress-saving solutions and emphasise the importance of aligning your celebrations with your values. From managing gift-giving expectations to giving yourself the gift of time and self-care, I share practical tips to make your Christmas joyful and meaningful.

I have also created a FREE Workbook to go with this episode and which includes 15 self care ideas for you. 

https://beingmumyourway.com/christmasworkbookandselfcareguide

Join me in the Being Mum tribe on Facebook where I will be sharing more self-care ideas and activities. Wishing you a merry and bright Christmas from my family to yours! Don't forget to subscribe and stay tuned for a special New Year's episode.

Transcript

Hello, welcome to this episode where I am going to be talking about all things Christmas and helping you to find the calm in the Christmas chaos. So what do you value about Christmas? Have you thought about it? What makes it special to you? Okay? This is this is really important here.

There are 5 main aspects of Christmas, and some of these will resonate with you, more than others. So what are they? Well, you've got religion and faith, the biblical Christmas story of baby Jesus, the school nativity play, attending church services, singing carols. Do those things resonate with you? What about the magic of Christmas? Do you believe in the big man himself?  Santa Claus and his flying reindeer and his little elves, presents magically appearing, whatever you wished for under the tree. Those, magic Christmas wishes, dreams coming true, snow falling, The the magic of Christmas. The next aspect is connection. When we think of, you know, your traditional Victorian Christmases, I guess, where Everyone comes together.

All the family come together. They gather around the table for feasting and traditional food. We're singing carols together or songs around the Christmas tree and giving gifts to each other. I mean, the gift giving itself is part of a an abundance element that we have, that aspect of abundance at Christmas where, you know, gifts are flowing, the mountains and piles of gifts everywhere, the decorations. Everywhere you look, something has been added to give it Christmas magic touch. And then there's the food. How much do we indulge ourselves at Christmas with the extra food and the overdoing it and the gluttony of of Christmas abundance. Then you've got your family's version of Christmas, your Christmas heritage, if you like.

What were your personal Christmas holidays like? What did they involve? What were the things that you did together as a family when you were growing up. These are a direct link back to your family and childhood. You know, the special family Christmas recipes that you always cook the same way. Maybe there's the same song that you always sing. Maybe it's a movie that you watch every year on Christmas. My mum was a huge Bruce Willis fan, so much that she actually named our childhood dog, Bruce, and, she just loved Bruce Willis. So Die Hard is very much a Christmas family movie, in our house. Christmas Eve was always spent with my mum watching a Christmas movie, and it was always Die Hard.

So these little traditions do creep in, and they're very specific to your childhood. So those are some of the elements, the 5 elements of Christmas, that I think are worth thinking about to see what is important and what resonates with you? Where do your values lie? Most of the stress that comes at Christmas time is from not giving ourselves permission to evolve and change that inherited story of Christmas that we have. You know, we feel pressure to change it into something that's out of alignment with what we deep down believe about Christmas. So deciding what matters to you this Christmas is gonna be your number one way of creating calm at Christmas. Okay? We need to find a way that's gonna mix what matters to us with what matters to those we love around us, and then we have to let go of the things everything else, Really, we let go of everything else that doesn't fit in with that. And that's not easy because there's a lot of pressure coming from everywhere around us at Christmas time. We've got to do more, buy more, decorate more, eat more, give more.

With all that more, we've also got more stress and disappointment when you don't live up to that unrealistic expectation of it all. So when we're talking about the expectations first versus the reality of Christmas. There is a huge difference between sort of having it all and what that means compared to doing it all. And the expectations on us are coming from a few different places, and we need to question those to see which ones we mostly care about and which ones matter to us. So you've got this false social narrative. Okay? There's always so much more added to this every year as well. You know, are you gonna do Elf on the Shelf? You know, the Christmas activities, there's light trails to go on. There's Santa visits.

Speaker A [00:05:12]:

Masters. You know, going to your get your, wreath making workshops. Like, all of these things and these activities, all of this socially perfect, image that we have, that we see portrayed in the social media and from those around us. That is that is one area that A lot of pressure is coming from us. And another area is the history. We are looking through this lens of memory of what was so great about Christmases as a child. Those things that you associate with Christmas that was always done a certain way that you really Mom. Really feel those emotion emotions around.

Speaker A [00:05:49]:

They're quite emotive. Those memories that we have about Christmas and the way things were done and when it's not the same And how can it be? Because we're looking through that lens of memory. That creates a lot of pressure because you're trying to recreate that perfect image that you have from your childhood. The other expectations that we have and pressure is coming from our friends and our family around us. Those expectations that they have, the wants that they have, the wishes that they have, You know, maybe your partner had a very different Christmas from you growing up. You know, for me, my partner is all about the food. The food is super important to him about Christmas. And, you know, he's gotta have all these different elements of Christmas because that was part of his childhood, You know, and those things are really important to him.

Speaker A [00:06:33]:

Whereas for me, the food was important, but not in the same way. There was much more about the magic of Christmas and Santa and the reindeer coming and things like that. Those excitements of that magic, those things were maybe more in my Christmas. So when you're trying to merge things together, You've got to really take into those those different effects and and what's happening with your, loved ones around you. That expectation to make that magic and keep the magic alive, weirdly, doesn't require any magic wand. Okay? It actually requires a lot of hard work and worrying and effort by us mothers. Mostly women do this. Mum.

Speaker A [00:07:14]:

I know there are some amazing dads out there, but it is it is mostly us mothers that create this magic. And it the expectation's on us To keep that magic alive and to create this magic for our children so that then they have these wonderful Christmas memories in the future. You know, we don't multitask because we're better at it. We do it all because we're expected to. And that is a lot of pressure and a lot of stress for us at time of year. So really connecting with what values and what really matters to you and what you feel is important It's gonna help you to filter out what you should be doing instead of being told what you should be doing by everyone else. You think to yourself, what do I want to be doing? So I've got some, sort of stress saving solutions for you. They're gonna help save your mind at this time.

Speaker A [00:08:03]:

Okay? Save your sanity. Be very clear. Okay? Intentional about what actually needs to be done. Okay? These are things that have to be done. Who's gonna do what? And don't expect and put it all on your own shoulders. Okay? If no one else is thinking about these things, then tell them. Okay. Share that burden with those around you.

Speaker A [00:08:25]:

Okay? Share what you're thinking. Tell them what what's going on in your mind and the things that you're thinking about. Okay? We often think it's easier if we just do it, but actually it just adds to our plate. Okay? And by keeping on increasing things that we've got to do, it to then help us with all of that workload. And then what happens is that becomes accepted situation every year. And so you're actually creating a rod for your own back. You need to be very clear about what the different jobs need to be done, But then it doesn't mean you need to do them. And if other people don't think they're important, then you can reassess.

Speaker A [00:09:04]:

Is it important to you? Then maybe you go, hey. We'll find a way to do them. Because if it's important to somebody else, they're gonna be happy to help you do them as well. Okay? And I just wanna be very clear on this. They are Not going to do it as well as you. Nobody is going to do it as well as you because you are a mom, and you are amazing, and you do everything just with that little bit of extra magic. So they're They're not gonna do it as well as you, but that's okay. Because it's gonna be done and you haven't had to do it.

Speaker A [00:09:32]:

So you're gonna decide what matters most, And you're gonna use that to make your decisions. Okay? In trying to make things perfect and living up to this, what social media would have you believe is the normal, You're gonna add more jobs to your list, more stress, and you end up feeling disconnected and resentful, and you're doing things that don't align with what you feel truly matters. Okay. As a huge Nigella fan, I always make too many different desserts because they're exciting, they look good, they taste good, and it's a special occasion. So why not? I've even got a selection of special Christmas baking tins, and they're just ridiculous. But they're gorgeous. And, you know, The truth is that these desserts don't get eaten. Now that there's actually more kids around than adults at Christmas, we're outnumbered.

Speaker A [00:10:22]:

And it just means that they don't get eaten. So after we've already catered, massively over catered, really, for Christmas dinner, there isn't gonna be enough room for for multiple helpings of desserts and puddings. And if there is a little bit of extra space left, then rather than having 5 different types of desserts, I'd much rather snuggle up on the sofa, stick on a movie, and open up that tub of Quality Street or Heroes or Roses, whatever your preference is. I'm always partial bit of quality street. Then, you know, I still wanna make the desserts, and I will do that. So over the weeks and then run up in Mel December. I will have my sugary dreams come true. I'll make maybe 1 a week or 1 or 2.

Speaker A [00:11:01]:

And then on the day itself, I will have maybe 2 desserts. Yeah. The kids can have their ice cream and jelly. It's super easy, always a win, and they do love my pavlova as well. So I will make something and Make it special, but I don't have to make all the things. The other thing I want you to do is be really realistic with the time that you have. Okay? Time is gonna get away from you. It's crazy.

Speaker A [00:11:25]:

It seems like in the run up to the end of the year, time becomes shorter and it just moves so much faster. And what you've gotta do is make a list of the really must do things and plan them in. Okay? And if you can get help and delegate, Even better. That's what I want you to do. Try to do this. Okay? And don't you know, you don't want the week and the days before Christmas to be super rushed and stressful and overwhelming. So give yourself that gift of more time. Okay? How do you do that? How do you get more time? You start sooner.

Speaker A [00:11:55]:

Okay? Some people are crazy. They start doing their Christmas shopping and January sales, and that's it. They're planning their whole year in advance. And if you're one of those people, oh my goodness. Amazing. I'm not one of those people, but I I do honestly believe that if the shops and TV and the rest of the world can start selling and talking about Christmas before Halloween, Then I could definitely start to do my Christmas activities and start my Christmas prep from the end of November. And just giving myself 4 or 5 weeks, or even if you If you have a push 6 weeks, it just makes sense. It takes that pressure off because I'm not rushed.

Speaker A [00:12:28]:

I'm not trying to do everything in the week before Christmas. I'm giving myself 1 or 2 activities per week, and that just takes that pressure off. So other things you can do is combine mum. So some activities, like if you're gonna do Christmas lights or a Christmas light trail, you can combine that with a visit to Santa. So last year, I actually took the kids to see Santa and do a light trail on the 20th November. I was super organized. This year hasn't gone to plan the same, and I'm doing it on this Sunday, which is the 3rd December. But I'm still ahead of the game.

Speaker A [00:12:58]:

I'm still ahead of the game. It is, You know, important to give yourself that extra time. Okay? With Samta as well, whether it's writing the letters sooner or going to see him sooner, Then it gives you time to source the items that your kids might be asking for from Santa as well. Now I do try to steer the Santa conversation a little bit. So in my house, Santa gives 1 present. Okay. He just gets 1 present. And I try to steer requests towards small things because, you know, it has to fit inside a Christmas stocking, doesn't it? So if I can get them to be small, And I will try to encourage that, but, obviously, you know, they'll ask for what they want.

Speaker A [00:13:40]:

And when it comes to presents, I try to stick to the rule of Something to wear, something to read, something to eat, something to do, and something they want. That way, when family's asking for suggestions, I'm trying to suggest that list as well. And then they get a balance of presents and and things. I'm a huge fan of chocolate myself, and the excitement of opening Something that I can eat or drink works on me. So I do go a bit heavy on those parts of Christmas. But the way I see it is once it's eaten, Whether it's chocolate or you know, then it's out of the house. It's not something that's gonna clutter up the place. You know? I think there's a temptation at Christmas to just Rush out and buy things, especially for children.

Speaker A [00:14:22]:

You wanna see that magic on their faces. So you buy the plastic presents and the toys and the noisy things and the the gimmicky things. And what you're doing is just bringing lots of clutter into your house that you're gonna have to deal with later. So try to be mindful about what you're bringing into the house. And with Christmas, you know, chocolate is wonderful, and kids love it. And I, you know, I know that there's a an issue about limiting sugar for children and things like that. And I think that you can have a balance in the year, but at Christmas, it's only for a day or 2. Just let them have the chocolate.

Speaker A [00:14:56]:

You know? I'll never forget the year that my mom hid our Christmas chocolate in the oven and forgot about it. It all melted together when she turned the oven on to preheat to cook the turkey, And there was devastation. There was tears. And, you know, I don't think she was ever forgiven for it. I just wanna touch on something else that I feel is really important to mention about gift giving and presents. How much that you spend on a gift is not an indication of how much you love your loved one. Okay? This can be really challenging if gift giving is one of your love languages. But there are handmade gifts, gifts done within a budget, Secret Santa type approaches.

Speaker A [00:15:36]:

There's lots of ways that you could do gift giving at Christmas, and it doesn't have to be Huge expensive gifts. Okay? There is a cost of living crisis at the moment. And although talking about money can be difficult, There is no shame in saying that your priorities are different this year. And instead of maybe buying and writing Christmas cards, paying for postage, Why not get the kids to write letters, draw pictures? You can send them via email or WhatsApp. You can you know, the message, it's It's the thought and the love. It's the same. That message is the same, but it's free. So even though there might be lack of funds, it doesn't mean that you can't use your imagination.

Speaker A [00:16:13]:

Okay? Get creative and find other ways to to show that you love and you are thinking about someone. The other thing I want to say is you need to put yourself on the to do list this year. Okay? It is so important. Please. Please. Please. People, please. Because that's what we do, don't we? We're people pleasers, everybody.

Speaker A [00:16:34]:

Mothers, we're master people pleasers. Please yourself. Okay? Put yourself on the list and find ways to show yourself some love and some self care this Christmas. Okay? And it can be tiny little things like sitting and having a cup of tea with a mince pie or a mulled wine. It can be going and getting your nails done. It can be ordering in a dessert or, like, buying in a dessert instead of knowing that you're not gonna make it. You know, buy the gingerbread cookies, Just get the kids some of the icing pens to decorate them. You don't have to do all the activities if there's an easier way.

Speaker A [00:17:09]:

If you can set them up with an activity and sit down, have a cup of tea for yourself. That still means they're doing the fun things, but you're not gonna be as frazzled. You're gonna be able to sit there. And if you can find time just to, You know, think about what matters to you and really focus in on that. Maybe it's going for a brisk walk In the frosty sort of snow, it's not snow, but frost and cold, it can be lovely. What I'm gonna do is in my Facebook group, the Being Mom tribe, which if you haven't joined yet, please do come along and join us. The link is in, the notes. I'm gonna be mentioning some activities and things that you can do for self care over Christmas.

Speaker A [00:17:51]:

So I'm gonna be popping in there with suggestions of Things that you can do and activities that you can do. So please join us in there for those. And, Yeah. I hope that you have enjoyed this episode. I really hope that you have a very merry and bright Christmas. And I'm gonna be back with a special New Year's episode for you on New Year's Eve. And yeah. I hope that you have a A lovely Christmas from my family to yours.

Speaker A [00:18:20]:

Lots and lots of love, and Thank you for joining me for this episode of The Being Mom Podcast. Please stay tuned and subscribe for future episodes. You can also follow me on Instagram at being mum your way or join my Facebook group, The Being Mom Mum tribe. I'd love to hear from you. And if you have questions or want advice, please do get in touch and join the online Facebook community.