Exhausted, Overwhelmed, and Over 40? Here's Why Your Body's Stress Response Has Changed with Marcyline Bailey

Today clinical social worker and stress management consultant Marcyline Bailey joins us at Graced Health and discusses why women over 40 experience stress differently. She shares practical mindfulness techniques and explores how faith can be incorporated into breathing practices for stress management. 

Points we discuss in this episode: 

• Stress is a physical response involving hormones
• Why as women age they are more sensitive to stress
• Common stress-related health issues
• Importance of finding the root cause of stress 
• Tips for managing caregiver stress 
• Practical workplace stress management 
• The value of protecting sleep 
• Mindful breathing techniques
• Faith-based perspective on breathing, referencing Genesis 2:7 where God breathed life into man
• Discussion of how coming together in faith can help manage stress in challenging times
• Reflection on how previous generations practiced mindfulness through simple activities like sitting on the porch

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Marcyline Bailey is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Georgia with 30 years of experience in the mental health field. She is a Certified Stress Management Consultant and a Certified Mindfulness Meditation teacher. Her focus is on grief/loss, anxiety, depression and stress management. She works with adolescents, adults and families.

Transcript

Exhausted, Overwhelmed, and Over 40? Here's Why Your Body's Stress Response Has Changed

Amy Connell: 

Marcyline, welcome.

Marcyline Bailey: Thank you. Thank you, Amy. Thank you for the invitation. Thank you for having me. And greetings to all of you who are watching today. I really hope that I can share some things that will help you to lower your stress and to keep it low.

Amy Connell: Yes. I mean, you're talking all kinds of things about what we need for sure. For sure. You and I were talking a little bit before we got on about the women we serve and it's how we both serve women over 40. Why is it, why do you, Based off of your clinical experience and anything else you have, why does it seem like stress

 just hits us harder and maybe we even have less resilience to stress as well as we get older.

Marcyline Bailey: So, 1 of the things that we, we we need to understand is that stress is a physical response. It's a physical response to a stimulus, to a change and it could be anything and we've learned it back in second grade as our fight or flight, right? What happens to us is that when the stress response is initiated, that, starts our Sympathetic nervous system, and it starts pumping all kinds of hormones into our body, primarily adrenaline and cortisol.

So when our adrenaline levels are higher, we're nervous, we're jittery, right? When the cortisol levels are higher, It disrupts our sleep. So, you know, as we get older, our hormones are, are changing and our hormones, I mean, my hormone levels are a lot different than they were when I was 18. Right. 

So now they're a lot different.

So because of that it's, we are more sensitive to those hits of stress. The other thing is Our stress response was developed to provide safety for us. It's in place to keep us safe and to make sure that the body is not, you know, injured or what have you. However, because we don't have to run from saber tooth tigers, because we don't, we're not encountering situations on a regular basis that are life threatening, it doesn't mean that the stress response stops.

What happens is, if we encounter something that we think is a threat or we perceive to be a threat that initiates that response. We don't always pay attention to that because we've gotten so accustomed to working under stress and to moving under stress and to carrying lots of stress on our, in our bodies.

We don't recognize it. And so because we don't recognize it our stress levels are already high. And we don't often know when we're feeling additional stress until we have some type of physical reaction or some type of physical outcome like chronic conditions, heart disease, lung disease, obesity.

is related to stress. We may be anxious, you know, we may experience anxiety or depression. So all of these things, are outcomes of chronic stress. So to answer your question We don't notice it really until it becomes a major problem due to physical health. The other thing is we're not as physically active when we get older.

It's a lot easier to sit down, put feet up you know, and just relax. The thing is, Because stress is a physical reaction, those hormones are in our system, our muscles are tight, we really need to move. Movement, walking, exercise helps to alleviate all of that. And so, because we're not as active, it's not as easy.

So we're, again that's why it's a little harder for us to manage it as we get older.

Amy Connell: Yeah. Those are great. I don't know why, because I know this, but there was just kind of a light bulb thing for me with the physical response

that that stress is a physical response. And so also, as we are aging, things are not perfect. Working quite at the level that we were right

in so many ways. And because of that, I think it helps me connect the dots that this is why we're having a harder time. Maybe may, I don't want to say managing stress, but maybe that's the right word because our, our body is just operating at a different level than, than it used to.

Yeah. I talked about the physical, but then there's that cognitive piece where we are naturally negative leaning. That's just how our brain works. So if we encounter a situation that's difficult, we're gonna think the worst. Because our brain is trying to figure out, it's trying to problem solve.

So it goes to the worst scenario to really try to help us figure out how we can get through it. But that increases our stress levels. So we have that cognitive piece. We also have that emotional piece. That piece, the emotions that we we fall to because of habit based on our experiences. right? We're afraid of loss.

We become angry and frustrated when we can't figure something out or when we're challenged beyond what we feel we can manage. All of that increases our stress. I think about my mother. My mom is 89 years old and she just she refuses to even try to use the computer. It frustrates her, you know, she, she just can't because she just cannot cognitively get it.

She also, when she makes a phone call and she gets a recording that says, press 1 if you want XYZ, press 2 if you don't want XYZ, she can't stand that. It's just so, she wants to talk to a person.

so so we also have that, you know, where there's technology that's new for us and we're not accustomed to it and it's frustrating for us.

That also increases our stress level. So 

there's, there's so much. 

Yeah, for sure. You know, when you were talking earlier about how we're, we've gotten so accustomed to stress that maybe we don't even notice it. And the analogy I have heard is just like, Hey, a little light tapping on the shoulder. And then maybe like, Your whole, your fingers and that, you know, something, something, and then, and then it's basically like stress is like shaking you in the form of chronic pain or panic attacks or something like that. I know you help people find the root of their chronic stress. Talk to us about why it's important to do that. And yeah, so we'll start there and then I've got a follow up question to that.

Marcyline Bailey: So when I talk about the root, I'm talking about what is actually causing the pain, what's causing that fear, what's causing the anger, what's causing the frustration. If we don't address the root cause, we're really just treating symptoms, right? It's like put, it's like putting a Band Aid

Sometimes you have to go in and clean the wound out so that it can heal properly. I think the same applies to stress, especially if we are experiencing chronic stress, that stress that is causing those medical problems like we discussed that exacerbates conditions that we discussed, arthritis.

cancer, diabetes. I think we really, it's important to find what is that? What's the base of that? What's really feeding into that? Because if we can address that, then I think we can really tackle in a meaningful way, the stress in itself. We can, we can, you know, hit it with an antibiotic, so to speak, that's targeted and we can really tamper it down.

Amy Connell: What about, so all of that makes sense. And I love that conceptually,

but what about when our stress is our job or stress is because we are a caretaker and maybe a caretaker to our parents and our children and or grandchildren when we have these, these chronic root issues that we can't just stop, how do you help us help us navigate that?

Marcyline Bailey: Sure. So let's talk about, let's talk about caretaking. So with caretaking, as I said, I have a, my mom is 89 years old. She's really independent, but there are some things that she she comes to me for, she, she asks me about one of the struggles that I personally have is that she's getting older. So when I feel stressed, when I feel increased stress because she says, I don't understand this, she has a letter, she doesn't understand something.

It's not that I can't help her. I want to help her. I desire to help her. My personal issue is that she's getting older, which means that I'm going to lose her at some point. So to me, that is the root for me. 

That's when she, when she's, you know, wanting help when she doesn't understand when she needs something.

The root to me is I'm going to lose her. So there's loss, right? So I think with caretaking to expand upon that it's, I think we look at what's our relationship with the person we're caring for, that elderly person. Do we have unresolved issues? Okay. That is causing us to feel stressed when we have to help them.

Is it that we want to be able to do more, but we cannot, either financially, either with time? What, you know, what is it? It's not always just the fact that it's, we have to take care of someone. What's the foundation of that? As it relates to work, again, generally our stress response is because of interactions at work.

And so, who does that person remind you of? Right? 

You know, that person, that person I'm working with reminds me of my brother. You know, or who does that person, what, what does that relate to? Do you see someone getting away with things? That you feel is not fair. What's your relationship or what's your understanding of what fair is and what that looks like to you?

What about relationships in general? How do you relate to, to individuals? And how do you get along with individuals? How did you learn to do that in your family unit? You know, it's, it's around, again, the root. Not necessarily because of the job itself. You interactions and how you learn to interact with other people.

So that's what I'm talking about. And when people come to me and say, Oh, I'm having, I'm struggling at work. I really work with them to say, okay, let's, let's go back. Well, what is that like for you? And what does that remind you of? And how did you handle that situation? How could you have handled it differently?

What would have been the outcome had you handled it a little differently? Those kinds of questions.

Amy Connell: Okay. All right. Once we kind of determine that route and we figure that out, then what?

Is this when you have, you know, that you have some, techniques, I don't like the word tips and tricks. Cause I think that kind of minimalizes it, but do you have any strategies or techniques that we can implement to maybe mitigate that stress some?

Marcyline Bailey: Depending on the root, again, we can, let's talk about caregiving because that's just prevalent in my mind. In terms of caregiving with a, if the root cause of stress is loss and potential loss, let's look how we can make we can make meaningful, have meaningful interactions while we're with. the person that we're caring for.

Let's, let's reverse the thought of I'm going to lose this person to let's make meaning. Let's take pictures. Let's create let's create memories that we can hold onto knowing that this person may be gone. It's about changing our mindset from how this is a negative for me to this is a positive.

In terms of relationships, especially at work, I usually tend to say, okay, so if that didn't work, let's come up with a plan. And we Decide on one thing to do that's different. Just one thing. Okay, try, why don't you say hello to the person, just speak to the person that you're having difficulty with.

Because what I've found in practice is that if we can take things step by step, instead of saying, you know, just step by step, incrementally, It's easier to take. We can process those things. We can talk about it. We can see what works, what didn't work. We can also determine how it felt and move on from there.

So it is a matter of just coming up with a plan, a plan that, is comfortable, that's workable, that is, Meaning is very big for me that has meaning and where the person I'm working with can see the positive results from it.

Amy Connell: Okay. What about those situations at work where you, you just overworked, you just have too much to do and maybe you've got some people pleasing tendencies and it's stressing you out because the day is done and you're There's a million more things to do.

Marcyline Bailey: Okay, so let's start with, let's start with the workload. How are you? And we look at organizing. I look a lot towards organization. How are you organizing your work? And not only how are you organizing your work, how are you communicating to your supervisors? How, what you need in order to organize your work.

Right? So there, there's a couple of things, you know, it's your work habits, your organizational skills, as well as your communication. How are you communicating? The other thing is at the end of the day. We are, we're just, we're one person. We can only do, we can only do so much. The tendency is, especially in here in, in the United States, we're the heart, we're some of the hardest working people in the world.

We work until the, I mean, we just keep working like, you know, that bunny. I won't, I don't want to do any trademark or 

Amy Connell: Yeah. 

Marcyline Bailey: But that bunny that just can't stop. Right. We know we just keep going and. It is, it's not healthy for us. It did. And so we have to, at some point, be able to say to ourselves, I'm one person and I can only do so much because organizations, companies will give a stretch goals.

That's the thing where they don't expect you to reach that, but they know that you're going to work towards it. And if you get to this level, that's super, that's great. That's more than they would have expected had they not given you that stretch goal. So we really have to look at. It's really just looking at things in general, but specifically for you, organization, communication, and reality.

You're just one person. You can only do so much.

Amy Connell: One of the things I have had to learn and remind myself of is all of that. And then coupled with, I have a very different, to go back to your analogy, I have a different battery. Than other people do. I have some friends that can just operate at a higher level with more endurance, with more oomph than I can. And I'm very grateful because my husband and I are the same way, So we, we really make sure that we get some downtime in. That was actually a really big growth point for us when we were first married. 'cause I was like, all right, it's the weekend. Let's go. Because that's all I knew. From families of origin and he was like, Oh no, no, no, no.

I'm watching football all day long. That's what I need. But now that I, and I think some of it is getting older too, like knowing that I can't operate, my one person is different than a friend of mine's one person.

Marcyline Bailey: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So here's a story. I started because I was exhausted. You know, especially, you know, when you have your own business, you tend to work all the time.

Amy Connell: you do. Oh,

Marcyline Bailey: was, I found myself exhausted. And so I made a conscious decision to be in bed by 9 30. Every, that was, I was worked towards that at 8 30, I would start getting ready for bed.

And when I started doing that, I might go to sleep at 9 39 40 or 10 o'clock, but I'd wake up refreshed and I get up at, like, 4 o'clock in the morning for 4 30. So, I mean, you know, I'm an early riser. My husband laughed at me. He thought it was the funniest thing. Oh, you're getting ready for bed. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yeah. And then he started doing it too.

And he says, you know what? I give you credit for getting me to go to bed earlier. I think as we get older, we need that rest. Rest is restorative. Our bodies heal itself. When we are sleeping, our cells regenerate while we're sleeping. It is so important for us to get a good night's sleep because not only do we feel rested, we're healthier.

Amy Connell: Yeah, I am highly protective of my sleep so much so that when my oldest son, what, he's in college now, but he was probably, oh, mid high school, and I said something about like, you know, is there anything that you would have changed with me and my parenting? And I was expecting him to say You know, Oh, I wish you would have let me go out more, you know, or something.

He goes, well, I wish you wouldn't go to bed so early. Cause sometimes I want to talk and I'm like, Oh, but I'm a better mom because I do go to bed early. Okay. I know you. Or passionate about helping women with some mindful breathing techniques. Can you share some? And it's so funny that we're having this conversation today because as you, I think, you know, I'm a personal trainer.

I was working with a client this morning and she was saying how her therapist was encouraging her to guide her own meditation or mindful breathing, however you want to call it. And she was like, I just goes, I, I try and she goes, I'm not supposed to say I can't, but I'm having a really hard time with it. And so I think it's so funny that this is coming up because I think that's something that a lot of us would like to do more and feel. But yeah, do you have any ways of helping us guide ourselves or through guided meditation?

Marcyline Bailey: yes the foundation of mindfulness meditation is placing your attention on the breath. one way to do that is not to think about it. but to feel it. So I will often tell people, I always tell people when we're doing a meditation together, I will tell them to place their attention on their breath where they feel it more profoundly.

So that might be coming right through their nostrils, because when you're breathing, you can actually feel the air going, going through if you're paying attention to that, or it might be where their chest. Rises and falls and they don't have to change it. They just have to focus their mind on that particular place.

So that is, that's, to me, I'll, if I'm in the grocery store and I'm in line, I'll just start breathing mindfully because that is just, it's, it's, Something I can do. Nobody really knows that I'm doing it. And that's something that I often share. Another thing is having having a bottle of water or just the water bottle.

It's very easy to take a sip of water. Hold that water in your mouth, and then I'll suggest breathe through your nose a couple of times, then swallow the water.

Amy Connell: Oh, interesting.

Marcyline Bailey: So that it's, it's, it's refreshing to do so, but it also slows us down, right? Slows us down. So just taking a sip of water, holding it. Breathe in a couple of times through your nostrils and then swallow.

So that's another suggestion that I have. There are other ways that we can breathe mindfully that take some movement, holding your nostrils. That's one way. Counting is another way, breathing in for one is box breathing where you breathe in for four, hold it for four, breathe out for four, wait for four, then breathe in.

So, box breathing is another way, but the simplest. For me, and the simplest to explain is to just feel it, feel it where you feel, you know, notice where you feel the breath most, more profoundly in your body.

Amy Connell: Yeah. Those are great. Thank you. Okay. Now To add on to that, a lot of the women in my community are well, this is a Christ centered podcast. Not all of our conversations are centered around faith and not all of my guests align with that. However that is where I stand and that's where a lot of my community are.

So how can we incorporate Jesus or our faith or the Holy spirit into mindful breathing?

Marcyline Bailey: Okay, so you're touching on a verse that is very dear to my heart, right? So when God created man, he breathed in the breath of lives, which is interpreted spirit or breath. Some people translate it as the Holy Spirit. But Rua, and we know that the difference between life and death is one breath.

I, I believe that women of faith, as they are breathing, should remember and should take note of what we have inside of us. It's almost like a prayer or meditation in itself, to me. to me. personally. When we're talking about breathing and the importance, I mean, we're talking about when air comes into our body, air actually takes life through our body.

The oxygen in our, our cells actually feed us, right? It takes all of, all of those nutrients through our body. And then, you know, our blood takes all of the things that we don't need. and take it away. So it's not just that we are breathing, we're breathing life and we can remember how we gave, how we got life and not just this physical life, but that which is to come.

So, so I have to bring myself down. I'm sorry. 

I apologize for that. 

Amy Connell: Yeah. That is welcome here. Yeah.

Marcyline Bailey: So I think it's important for us to, With each breath and, and I guess maybe because I'm older, which each breath just recognize how precious it, how precious it is and how it can really connects us to you. Our father to one who is, who is big enough to hold every problem, every concern that we have that nothing, there's nothing that happens that he does not know about and he has not planned for,

Amy Connell: Yeah,

Marcyline Bailey: I gotta. 

Amy Connell: amen

Marcyline Bailey: I can't, I just, this is just where I am right now. And, and if I could just take a moment because we are living in a time where it's very scary right now for all of us, for all of us. And it takes all of us to join in our faith. Knowing in whom we believe that he is going to bring us through and every time I think about the breath of lives I am convinced that when he blew that breath of lives into man he knew where we were gonna be here today.

I'm convinced of that. And there is nothing that we cannot face as long as we stand in faith and in praise to a God who is greater than anything on this earth, in the heavens, and under this earth. And that's, I just can't, I just have to say that, and I hope it's okay.

Amy Connell: Absolutely. Absolutely. I wish I could just reach through. I just want to hold your hands right now. Amen to all of that. And it's such a good reminder. Yes. Thank you for saying that. Thank you for saying that. I know I kind of need a moment. Go on. Yeah. You look like you have more to say.

Marcyline Bailey: I just, I just, it's just, that's just where I am right now. We have to walk in faith and not by sight. And we have to know what we know. And I think that is so important for us. We are, we are splintered when we should be together. We are healthier when we are together. Research shows that. Research shows it.

We are healthier. When we are together and it's so important for us, it really is. It's important for us to remember who we are in him. 

We we're more than what we see right now. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

We are made his image.

Amy Connell: yes we are. And you're so right about how splintered we are right now. You know, coming up on an, or in a, we're in an election season and there's so much, and, you know, I wish we had time to get into the, the stress effects of the 24 hour news cycles and seeing all of the, the, I mean, all of the stuff that's going on all around the world.

It's all in our face all the time. I'm so glad you brought up and just brought it back to home of God knew when he breathed the life into Adam and he, and he knew where we would be right now and just stepping back and remembering that he's got us and we are stronger together. Thank you for that. Yeah. I feel like we just had church. I love it. Okay. Okay. So pulling this back to. Mindful breathing,

pulling it back to recognizing the importance of, of doing so. I know you have an ebook called calming the mind and you also lead group meditation classes. So tell us about both of those. Oh, true.

Marcyline Bailey: in our group meditation class it's offered in person as well as it will be offered virtually. But basically what I do is I go through instruction around the technique and I give some history. And for me understanding that Mindfulness meditation is rooted in the Buddhist tradition.

However, I teach it in the way I was taught to teach it is secular. but some of that history is important in the sense that we talk about impermanence. You know, things don't stay the same, right? Even the Bible talks about that. To everything, there's a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

So nothing stays the same. So there are some instructions or history that for me, when I talk about it, I can connect it to my belief and my faith. And then we practice. I give it, provide instruction and we actually practice the biggest part of the mindfulness meditation is the practice. And we practice in a group because of the connection.

And then there's a Q and A and I give a homework assignment and the homework assignment is to practice. That's why it's a practice because we have to practice it. The ebook it's an 18 page. Ebook, but I talk about things like why we're always stressed. And that's some of the things that we talked about today where stress comes from, where I talk about the sympathetic and the parasympathetic nervous systems.

The purpose of stress, because there is a purpose. There's a reason we have it. And then I talk about different types of meditation and what meditation is, and I give some instructions about how to start a consistent practice. When I think, when I think of mindfulness meditation, I think about my grandparents.

They used to just sit on the porch. Yeah. They, they would just, yeah, they go. Yeah. They would just sit on the porch. They would sit and they wouldn't talk, or they'd say a one or two words, or, you know, if somebody walked down the street, they'd wave or, you know, they'd chit chat, but then they would just sit.

the porch. And I, you know, I think that there's so, there's something that's very there's something that's very peaceful about that. You know, as a kid running around the house, you're thinking, why are they just sitting? Don't they have something to say? You know, we're running around the house, you know, playing, but they would just sit.

And sit quietly. There is something to that. It calms the mind. it settles the mind. And that's really what mindfulness meditation is about. It's about calming the mind. Some forms of meditation are about you, you know, where you just, you're taking yourself away, escaping.

Mindfulness Meditation is not that. Mindfulness Meditation is about being able to be in a space, seeing, noticing what's going on, what's around, without the, increase in stress, you know, being able to abide calmly. That's what mindfulness meditation is. And that's, that's, I think that's important. It's what my grandparents used to do Sunday afternoon after eating dinner.

We all eat, 

Amy Connell: What a lost art. We just, yeah, we just don't do that anymore, especially on the front porch. Maybe, maybe we'll go out back. And it's funny that you bring that up because everything I do right now the very short story of it is I was in a season where I knew God was trying to talk to me and I didn't know what it was.

And I ended up just, I called it be still time and I just sat outside with God like no praises, no prayers, no da, da, da, da, just. sitting with God. And that's when he led me to doing graced health, like all things graced health. And it's taken some different turns throughout the years, but that's when he revealed to that because my mind was calm and my mind was listening and open. And able to hear his whispers. Yeah, I love that. Okay. Marcyline, I have a few questions. I ask all my guests. The first is I love learning about people's tattoos because I have found when people put something on their body for the rest of their life, they often have meaning behind it. So I was wondering if you had any tattoos and if so, would you mind sharing what it is and the meaning behind it? And if you don't have one, but you had to get one, what would it be and where would it go?

Marcyline Bailey: I don't have a tattoo

Amy Connell: Okay.

Marcyline Bailey: yet. Yeah. But if I were to get one, I'd get a panda. Our family loves giant pandas. And it comes from my husband was a 16 year old who traveled to China and he fell in love with the giant pandas. And then when we married And that became sort of our family symbol.

So we're like four pandas, the two of us and our two daughters. So, it would be a panda. 

Amy Connell: Awesome. Tell people how they can connect with you and how they can learn more about getting your ebook and the meditation classes for what, by the time this airs, if it if you have the virtual ones available.

Marcyline Bailey: Yeah. So you can definitely follow me on Instagram and on Facebook at ML Bailey Consultants. That's ML Bailey consultants. Follow me, feel free to DM me. That's, that's absolutely fine. And also sign up for my newsletter. I often will get email from people who are subscribers to the newsletter and I always respond.

So if you're a subscriber to the newsletter yeah, just, just shoot me an email and I'll definitely respond to you. And you can find once you go to my Facebook page or my Instagram, you'll find the links to find all of my contact information.

Amy Connell: The other thing you do is that we haven't even talked about is you have a, well, I listened to it on my podcast app, but I know you do live trainings too of called stress talk live with Marcyline Bailey.

Marcyline Bailey: Yeah, I do. I do. As a matter of fact, every Sunday at 7 p. m. and I talk about Information that I feel is pertinent to women over 40. One of the things I say is that I share strategic stress management and solution focused self care to women over 40. Because I believe I go deeper than just things that you can find on your browser, on your web browser.

I like to go deeper sharing information that I've learned I share some of my experiences with stress, but I, I often, I try to give things that are meatier, that are helpful in your everyday life. So you can find that podcast anywhere you find your podcast, but you can also watch live on ML Bailey Consultants Facebook page, as well as on YouTube at ML Bailey Consultants.

Amy Connell: Awesome. And I have tuned into those and you offer wonderful content. So thank you for that. I know it to put, it takes a lot of work to put that kind of stuff together. Okay, Marcyline, you get the last word. What is the one simple thing you would like us to remember about today's conversation? Oh, I

forgot to ask, hold on, before I do that, I forgot to ask about a meaningful Bible verse.

You've been dropping them throughout our time, but I typically ask this question at the end too.

Marcyline Bailey: So this is the verse and I'm going back to our previous conversation and I'm reading it out of the Women's Study Bible and it is the New King James Version. And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils 1 The breath of life and man became a living being. That is a verse that is very, very dear to me.

And so the last word I'd like for you all to remember that breath is life and it is our way to connect not only with our creator, but also with others.

Amy Connell: Amen. Okay. That is all for today. Go out there and have a graced day.