Sleep Better in Midlife: 16 Common Sense Tips That Actually Work

Does your sleep tracker know you better than you know yourself — or is it just stressing you out? If you've ever woken up more anxious about your sleep score than actually rested, this episode is for you. We're cutting through the noise, the supplements, and the sleep-maxing culture to get back to what actually works — a common-sense, no-fuss approach to sleeping better in midlife. Because you're not broken. You're just navigating a body that's changing, and there's a lot you can do about it.

In this episode we cover:

• Why your sleep target might not actually be 8 hours — and what the research really says
• Morning light exposure and why it's one of the most powerful (and free) sleep tools available
• The concept of "orthosomnia" — sleep anxiety caused by your wearable data — and when to just take it off
• How the narrative in your head affects your sleep (and a simple CBT-I reframe to try tonight)
• Caffeine's half-life and why that afternoon coffee may still be in your system at midnight
• Alcohol's impact on REM sleep and a simple habit to reduce the damage
• Blood sugar balance and how overnight crashes could be waking you up at 3 AM
• Magnesium — what the research supports, which forms to look for, and how to get more through food
• Blue light, screens, and practical ways to protect your melatonin production at night
• Pre-sleep nutrition: why going to bed hungry is just as disruptive as eating a heavy meal
• Hormone therapy as a legitimate sleep tool — and why it's worth a conversation with your doctor
• Breathing techniques (4-7-8 and box breathing) for falling back asleep in the middle of the night
• The eye movement trick that works for falling back asleep
• Temperature regulation and the ideal bedroom temp for quality sleep
• Consistent sleep and wake schedules — and why weekends matter more than you think
• Exercise timing and why a late intense workout might be costing you sleep
• The truth about melatonin dosing — why less is almost always more
• CBT-I as a first-line clinical recommendation and the free app that can help you implement it

Source Links

1. Seven hours optimal in midlife Cambridge/Fudan University study, Nature Aging (2022): https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/seven-hours-of-sleep-is-optimal-in-middle-and-old-age-say-researchers

AASM/Sleep Research Society joint consensus (seven or more hours): https://aasm.org/seven-or-more-hours-of-sleep-per-night-a-health-necessity-for-adults/

2. Morning light / suprachiasmatic nucleus Frontiers in Neural Circuits (2024) — SCN as master circadian pacemaker: https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/neural-circuits/articles/10.3389/fncir.2024.1385908/full

3. Magnesium L-threonate for sleep 2024 randomized controlled trial, Sleep Medicine X (ScienceDirect): https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2590142724000193

4. Melatonin dosing Sleep Foundation — melatonin dosage guide (reviewed by board-certified sleep physician): https://www.sleepfoundation.org/melatonin/melatonin-dosage-how-much-should-you-take

Melatonin content variability in supplements (the 83–478% finding): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10053496/

5. CBT-i as first-line treatment American College of Physicians recommendation: https://www.acponline.org/acp-newsroom/acp-recommends-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-as-initial-treatment-for-chronic-insomnia

6. The Atlantic article "American Insomnia" by Jennifer Senior, The Atlantic, August 2025: https://www.theatlantic.com — search "American Insomnia Jennifer Senior" (may be behind paywall; Apple News+ has audio version)

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Transcript

Sleep: A Common Sense Guide in Perimenopause and Menopause

Graced Health Podcast

Amy Connell, Host

This past holiday season, my parents were in town, and my husband wears an Oura ring. I wear an Apple Watch. We track our sleep, and we were comparing our sleep scores the next day. Of course, over the holidays, we're not eating like we normally do. We'll have some wine, we're going to bed later — all of the things that really lead up to not having a very good night's sleep.

My husband was sharing his numbers from his Oura ring. I'm sharing my numbers from my Apple Watch, and my dad is just sitting there watching this. Now, you probably don't know my dad, but he's just this really calm, even-keeled kind of guy who has the sharpest wit at the right times. He just has a very steady Eddie attitude. But he's sitting there listening to my husband and me — listening to the recovery score and the sleep score and the restorative sleep and all of the things — and he just went, "Hmm, does it measure obsessiveness?"

Which is very true. And I was like, "Okay, Dad. Well said. Point taken. Yes, we are a little obsessed about this."

This age and stage that we are in kind of has a one-two punch with this stuff. Number one, in perimenopause and menopause, we're not sleeping as well. That's just the fact of the matter. A lot of it is hormonal. Some of it is age and stage related — stress and all of the things that go along with it. The other thing is we are hearing all of these people talk about how important sleep is, and absolutely it is.

So please hear me when I say yes, I do want you focusing on your sleep.

However, I believe the shadow side to that is we are also in this supplement era, and companies are really trying to take advantage of our desperate need and desire for sleep. And so we're inundated with all of these tips and tricks and hacks and all of that to sleep.

I have done a handful of episodes on sleep over the last few years. In this episode, I wanted to come on with a common sense approach to getting sleep.

First, let's start with what we know about quality sleep, because I think the first place we go wrong is having unrealistic expectations. Most adults need somewhere between seven and nine hours, but that number varies. Some people genuinely feel good on six; some need closer to nine. And here's an interesting thing worth knowing: a large study out of Cambridge and Fudan University, published in Nature Aging, found that for adults in midlife and beyond, seven hours — not eight — was optimal for both cognitive performance and mental health. Seven hours. That means that what my watch tells me I slept — which was six hours and fifty-eight minutes last night — was actually pretty good, which is probably why I woke up before my alarm.

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine and the Sleep Research Society also set their floor at seven, not eight. So if you've ever been fighting the idea that seven isn't enough and you need to hit eight, you might be chasing a target that was never actually yours.

Sleep quality matters just as much as quantity. You are looking for sleep that leaves you feeling reasonably functional — not totally dependent on an afternoon coffee to survive. You want to be able to stay awake during the day and fall asleep within a reasonable window at night.

Here's something interesting I read in a very long article in The Atlantic called "American Insomnia." It explored the concept of sleep-maxing and all the things we do around sleep. Some cultures don't even have a word for insomnia. They just sleep in two shorter periods — it's just not a big deal. Maybe they'll go for four hours, they're up for a bit, then go for four more, and they don't label it as a problem. I thought that was a really freeing way to think about things.

If you are consistently up between two and three-thirty or three and four in the morning, maybe we just need to release that expectation — in conjunction with seeing if there's anything within our control that we can change. If you're doing all the things and it's still happening, maybe that's just how it is right now. The author's point was that maybe broken sleep isn't actually broken. It just might be how you're sleeping right now. I know that goes counter to everything you're hearing, and may even seem antithetical to what I'm offering today — a common sense approach to sleeping better. But maybe those can actually go hand in hand. Just something to consider.

So with that said, let's talk about common sense approaches to sleeping better, whether that's quantity, quality, or both.

Number one: Morning light. This is free. It just takes a few minutes. The science behind it is genuinely solid — we're talking decades of neuroscience research, not just the latest wellness trend, even though maybe, like me, you just heard about it in the last five years or so.

Basically, within an hour of waking up, get outside without your sunglasses for 15 minutes. Sunlight hits your retina and sends a signal to the part of your brain that is your body's master circadian clock. That signal triggers a cascade of hormones — cortisol for alertness (yes, cortisol is helpful; it's not all bad) and serotonin for mood. And because serotonin converts to melatonin later in the day, you're actually setting yourself up for sleepiness that night. So if you can, get outside and get some sunlight in your eyes.

Skipping ahead to the end of the day — if you can get some sunlight in your eyes as the sun is setting, that's great as well. Our body is wired to associate those warm orange and red hues from a sunset with winding down for the day. It signals that the day is ending and starts to kick in that melatonin.

This episode is coming out right around the summer solstice, which means our days are really long. If you're listening around the winter solstice in December when the days are much shorter, keep in mind you can use a UV-free light therapy box. I have, use, and recommend the Verilux HappyLight — I have no association with it other than being an Amazon affiliate. It's helpful because it will mimic that early daylight.

Going back to tracking things — I do try to get about 60 minutes outside during the day, and my watch will pick up that light. It's enough brightness that it will register as outdoor light, which is helpful if getting outside isn't really an option for you.

So number one is light — both in the morning and, if you can, at night. But if you had to choose one, go for morning.

Number two: Your bed is for sleep and sex, and really not much else. Having said that, I do read in bed, so I'm not totally following that rule.

But if you have insomnia — whether it's early insomnia or what's called mid-insomnia, which is consistently waking up at 3 a.m. — it may be worth taking your book to the couch or a chair in a different room, and only coming to bed when you are ready to sleep. This falls under the umbrella of CBT-I, which is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia.

I had a wonderful guest named Kathleen Saucier on to talk with us and educate us about CBT-I. You can go back and check out that episode. CBT-I is actually a first-line clinical recommendation from the American College of Physicians and sleep medicine organizations worldwide — no medication, just really getting into the mindset behind sleep. Kathleen offers a lot of other suggestions in that episode, so if you want to learn more, go back and check it out.

Number three: What's the narrative in your head? What kinds of conversations are you having with yourself? Are you looking at the data from your ring or your watch and getting anxious because you haven't hit that exact number? There's actually a term for this now: orthosomnia — anxiety caused by wearable sleep data.

Because we have so many people telling us how important sleep is, we're now even more worried when we're awake, and that is not helping matters. It may be that you need to take off your wearable when you go to sleep if it's really stressing you out. If you're just using it as a data point — "Oh, that's interesting" or "That's why I felt that way" — then fine. But if it's causing significant anxiety, maybe it's time to take it off and focus on a few other things.

The other piece of the narrative is what you're saying to yourself. If you tell yourself, "I don't sleep well. I always wake up at three a.m. I'm always tired when I wake up" — your brain may be listening and building that pattern. One simple reframe from the CBT-I approach is to add the phrase "in the past." So: "In the past, I have struggled with sleep." "In the past, I would get up at three a.m." Even if the past was last night. It starts to retrain your brain toward how you want things to be, rather than fixating on how they've been.

I'm going to continue moving through these practical tips relatively quickly — this is the common sense, consolidated version. The kind of episode I can point to when someone posts on my neighborhood Facebook group, "I can't sleep. What can I do?" So, quickly — and you know I have a hard time with brevity, but I'll try.

Number four: Caffeine. Caffeine has a half-life of about four hours, though some studies put it at up to 10 to 12 hours. That means if you have a cup of Starbucks coffee with 200 milligrams of caffeine at 4:00 p.m., at 8:00 p.m. there are still 100 milligrams in your system. At midnight, still 50 milligrams — about what you'd find in a soda. The afternoon coffee you're having may absolutely still be in your system and keeping you from falling asleep.

Number five: Alcohol. Ugh, I know. Look, I like a glass of wine. I don't have it all that often. Alcohol helps you fall asleep and hurts the quality of what you get. It fragments your sleep and reduces REM sleep — that restorative sleep. If you enjoy a glass of wine, try to have it earlier rather than as a nightcap, and follow it with something hydrating. Water, peppermint tea, any herbal tea. Even some non-alcoholic drinks are great options. I enjoy hot water after a glass of wine because it just extends that window between the wine and bedtime and can help prevent fragmented sleep. Not always, but it can.

Number six: Blood sugar. We want stabilized blood sugar throughout the day. You get that by having protein, carbohydrates, and fat — as much as you can, whenever you eat — because you don't want blood sugar spiking and crashing repeatedly. When it crashes overnight, cortisol and adrenaline spike, and that spike wakes you up. So try to eat balanced meals — carbohydrate, protein, fat — to keep your blood sugar stabilized.

Number seven: Magnesium. I'll be honest — I'm a little skeptical of the supplement industry right now. But I do believe in magnesium when appropriate. The evidence has gotten stronger, particularly for women in our age and stage. A 2024 randomized controlled trial found that magnesium L-threonate — there are many types of magnesium, so know what you're looking for — can actually cross the blood-brain barrier and improved sleep quality, especially deep and REM sleep, in adults ages 35 to 55. It was generally well-tolerated. However, the evidence is strongest specifically for the L-threonate form.

Also, don't forget you can get magnesium through food: leafy greens, avocados, nuts, seeds, chia seeds — all great sources. Try increasing your magnesium through food before turning to supplements.

Number eight: Digital devices and blue light. Blue light from screens suppresses melatonin production. Studies show that screen use before bed can delay sleep onset by 30 minutes or more and will reduce REM sleep. Try to get off your phone or tablet before bed. If you need to, try blue light glasses. I read my Kindle before bed and wear blue light reading glasses — don't ask me why I use the magnifying ones with a Kindle when I can just make the font bigger, but for whatever reason, it works for me. Also take advantage of the settings on your phone that automatically warm the screen when the sun sets. I don't think it's a cure-all, but it certainly can't hurt.

Number nine: Pre-sleep nutrition. When I was younger and fully entrenched in diet culture, I used to try to go to bed a little hungry every night — I wanted to wake up ravenous in the morning. Why? I genuinely don't know. But as I've gotten older, I've found that going to bed hungry is one of the worst things for my sleep (second only to alcohol). Going to bed hungry activates those stress hormones that disrupt sleep.

The flip side is that heavy meals very close to bedtime can also impair sleep quality. So we're looking for a Goldilocks amount. If you find you're getting a little hungry before bed, try a small snack. I typically keep deli turkey on hand — even just an ounce or two. Add some crackers or cheese if you'd like. Turkey also has the bonus of tryptophan. I have to give credit to Tiffany Giganti of the Gut Harmony program for this idea. Nuts, string cheese — any small, protein-rich snack — can absolutely help stabilize your blood sugar right before bed.

Number ten: Hormone therapy considerations. I want to stay in my lane and within my scope of practice, but for the right people, hormone therapy — progesterone, estrogen — can help your sleep. Research indicates that estrogen therapy can improve sleep quality and increase REM sleep percentage. Talk to your doctor about that. I don't feel it's my place to say more, but it can absolutely make a difference.

Number eleven: Breathing techniques. One of the reasons we wake up in the middle of the night — especially with mid-somnia — is anxiety, or our brain just switches on the moment we're awake. The 4-7-8 breathing technique activates the parasympathetic nervous system. (I always remember "parasympathetic" as the one I want to be in.) It reduces anxiety and promotes relaxation: inhale for four, hold for seven, exhale for eight. You're exhaling longer than you inhale. Research shows this can reduce time to fall asleep and help with middle-of-the-night waking.

If that's too hard to remember, try box breathing: inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four.

Number twelve: Another technique — one I don't think we've talked about on the show before — I learned from my friend Tiffany Giganti. We're in a small group of entrepreneurs, and I was lamenting one morning that I hadn't slept well and my brain wasn't working. She said, "I just learned something really helpful." She said to close your eyes and trace a figure eight with your eyes — either the infinity symbol on its side or a vertical figure eight. It can help return you to sleep.

This specific technique hasn't been extensively researched, but I do it and it helps me. My mom says it really helps her. My husband says when he remembers to do it, it helps him too. I think part of why it works is that you have to concentrate on what your eyes are doing, which takes your brain off whatever you were ruminating on and onto something more monotonous. Worth trying — it's not going to do any harm.

Number thirteen: Temperature regulation. Your core body temperature needs to drop to initiate and maintain sleep. This is hard, especially when you're dealing with hot flashes or temperature regulation issues from hormonal fluctuations. Research says that maintaining a cool bedroom — around 65 to 68°F — can significantly improve sleep quality.

I have a very cold-natured husband. I am very warm-natured. The only time I can get my room that cold is during those transition periods — like fall to winter or winter to spring — when the heat isn't on but it's not hot enough for the air conditioning, and the room just naturally settles around 68°F. It's glorious and I sleep so well. He complains so much because he gets so cold. So this is a bit of a sore point at my house.

A friend reached out to me this morning about cooling mattress pads. I say if you want to try one and can afford it, go for it. I had one that I liked, washed it per the manufacturer's instructions, and the mattress pad busted. I could not get ahold of customer support and lost a significant amount of money. So I'm a little gun-shy. But if it's in your budget and you want to try it, people who use them seem to love them.

Number fourteen: Try to maintain a consistent sleep and wake schedule — going to bed around the same time and getting up around the same time. I have no problem going to bed at the same time, but my wake time, if left to my natural rhythms, can vary by about two hours. Earlier this year I tried shortening that window to about an hour, and my sleep quality really did improve — if I'm to believe my watch. Maintaining regular bed and wake times strengthens your circadian rhythms. Your body starts to know what to expect. Even on weekends, if you can keep your wake time within a 30-minute window, that can really help your sleep quality.

Number fifteen: Stress management. I know — nothing stresses people out more than being told to work on their stress level. However, if you can weave in small bits of breathing throughout the day, that's going to really help with cortisol management. Again, not all cortisol is bad, but we don't want more than we need. I'll be doing a common sense episode on breathing soon, so stay tuned for that.

Number sixteen: Exercise timing and type. Regular exercise improves sleep quality, but timing matters. You don't want a very intense session too close to bedtime, because it raises cortisol — not what we want when we're trying to sleep. A heavy strength session too close to bedtime can also make sleep difficult because your body hasn't had time to recover. You know your body. Just tune in and see if there might be a connection between late workouts and sleep struggles.

And finally: Melatonin. I'll say up front — melatonin is everywhere. You can't walk through the supplement aisle of a grocery store without seeing dozens of varieties. But here's what you need to know: when you purchase melatonin, you are supplementing something your body already produces. When you do things like getting morning light, you're supporting your body's natural melatonin production. Melatonin is not a sleeping pill. It doesn't put you to sleep — it just signals your body that it's time to sleep. It's a timing hormone, not a sedative.

Most supplements contain anywhere from three to ten milligrams, when your body naturally produces about 0.3 milligrams. So even one gummy at five milligrams may be way more than your body needs. If you're going to take it, consider a tincture where you have more control, and take the smallest amount possible. Too much can make you groggy the next morning. Research suggests that half a milligram to one milligram is really all most adults need. If you do take it, take it 30 to 60 minutes before bed — not when you wake up at 3:00 a.m., because it will still be in your system and leave you feeling groggy. And as always with supplements, look for third-party testing so you know the contents are what they claim to be.

By the way — if you have a young woman in your life who's also struggling with sleep but won't hear it from you, my book Your CORE Strength has a sleep section that covers a lot of these same topics. Sometimes they just need a different voice. It's available as an audiobook and paperback on Amazon, Audible, Spotify, and more.

And don't forget CBT-I as an option. You can do this with a therapist, or you can use the free CBT-I Coach app, put out by the Department of Veterans Affairs. Thank you to our veterans for all you do — and for the resources developed for you that the rest of us get to benefit from as well.

I also can't help but share something a friend of mine said about twenty years ago: "I have found that if I'm lying awake in the middle of the night, that's normally God wanting to tell me something." So I invite you to start praying. If you're awake at three in the morning, maybe ask God what he wants you to know. Or pray for the people in your life. You may fall asleep in the middle of it — and that's probably okay.

You can also meditate on God's Word. Matthew 11:28 says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Maybe that's something you can repeat to yourself, over and over — because God did design our bodies to need rest and to need sleep.

And finally, I just want to remind you: do what you can for your sleep. Get your morning light, keep a consistent wake time, create a calm wind-down at night, keep your blood sugar balanced, watch the late-evening alcohol. These things do work. And then give yourself some grace about the rest.

You're going to have a bad night of sleep. That is not a crisis. Waking up at 3:00 a.m. does not mean something is broken. Your body is doing its best in a season that is genuinely physically hard on sleep. You're not broken — you're just human. You're navigating a body that's changing. It will get better. Just do what you can, and release the rest.

Sweet dreams. And as I used to tell my kids: night night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite.

Okay, that's all for today. Go out there and have a graced day.