EPISODE #165- Smiling Through the Storm: Finding Your Worth Beyond Performance

Depression doesn't define your worth, and behind every mask of high-functioning depression lies a person deserving rest and authenticity. We explore how to break free from the performance trap of smiling through your storms while silently suffering inside.

• You are not your diagnosis – mental illness is real but doesn't determine your identity
• Healing isn't linear, and small wins like getting out of bed or taking a shower count
• High-functioning depression means doing all the right things while silently sinking inside
• Being productive doesn't mean you're peaceful, and being available to others doesn't mean you're true to yourself
• Three steps to try: tell the truth to someone you trust, rest without apology, check in with your needs daily
• Speaking positive affirmations like "I am wonderfully made" helps promote better mental health
• Sometimes we must act as if we feel better even when we don't

Would you consider becoming a patron for Win Over Depression? Go to www.patreon.com/TamaraTrotter where as little as $10-$20 per month will help us reach even more people. Also check out our course "14 Days to Mental Health Wellness" in the show notes, packed with episodes, videos, and step-by-step instructions to feel better in 14 days or less.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Win Over Depression
• 1:40 You Are More Than Your Diagnosis
• 4:06 Small Wins Count Toward Healing
• 6:35 High-Functioning Depression: Smiling Through Pain
• 9:45 Three Steps Toward Authentic Healing
• 12:28 Resources and Support for Your Journey

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

Hello and welcome to Win Over Depression, the podcast where your pain has a voice and your healing has a home. I'm your host, tamara Trotter, and I've been where you are tired, broken and wondering if joy is ever coming back. But let me tell you this you are not your depression, you are not your darkest day, and here you will find real talk, real tools and real hope. Each week, we'll explore how to rise, one breath, one step, one win at a time. Today, we'll be talking about the importance of smiling through the storm. Today, I want to remind you that you are more than enough. We're going to challenge the stigmas and let you know that you are never alone in the struggle. You are not your diagnosis. Mental illness is real, but it does not get the final say on your identity. Maybe you've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ptsd or something else that felt like a label stamped across your soul, but I am here to tell you that it does not define your worth, because you are resourceful, you are resilient and you are still here, and that my friend is not by accident when depression tries to make you forget who you are. You got to anchor yourself in truth. And here's the truth you are more than a mood, more than a moment, more than your lowest day. Say this with me I am not broken, I am becoming. I will not be defined by what tried to destroy me. I am healing, I am whole and I am here. I am whole and I am here. You are valuable.

Speaker 1: 2:11

Your wind today might be listening to this episode, and that counts. Your wind might be getting out of bed, brushing your teeth or even just breathing, and that counts too. Healing isn't linear, but you are still moving and that's enough. I'm so glad you joined me today, because that tells me something about you. It lets me know that you care, that you want the answers, that you want to feel better, that you want to get to the bottom of it. And that's actually the first step. Remember, you're not alone. You're not weak.

Speaker 1: 2:41

Maybe you're going through a storm right now, but just know that we all go through storms. There's always going to be something in our lives that's going on, whether it's with us professionally or personally, whether it's something that our kids are going through, maybe it's elderly parents, but there's always going to be, maybe a mini storm. But if it's a mini storm, just know that when you put together the steps that you need to in order to get through it, and you plan out those steps. You definitely will, because storms don't last for always, but you just have to realize that and just show up every single day, despite how you are feeling, because when we show up, we go up when we just put in the effort and we decide that, no matter how drained we're feeling, that we're still going to meet our obligations, we're still going to represent our best interest, we're still going to do what is expected of us. Because, guess what, you are strong, my friend, and you are probably much stronger than you think. You are not weak for needing help.

Speaker 1: 3:56

If you need help, now is the time to ask Do you have an accountability partner, someone who checks in on you and knows how you're feeling, someone who just will send a simple text or give you a phone call and let you know that they're thinking about you? Do you have someone in your life who can be an encourager for you, who's going to tell you to continue to push through, because healing is possible? It's personal. Because healing is possible. It's personal, but it does require you to be proactive and to make a decision, one of the things that I strongly live by and it's part of my philosophy in dealing with mental health issues is that giving up is never an option, no matter how hard it gets, no matter how you feel so weak that you cannot take another step, when all you can do is get out of bed and take a shower, put your pajamas back on and get back in the bed. If that's all you can do for that day and depression is going to win, that's okay. But you didn't give up. You still got yourself up, got in the shower, maybe you grabbed something to eat and you laid back down.

Speaker 1: 5:11

We are our worst enemy. Sometimes we punish ourselves when the reality is, when you suffer with a mental illness, it is a sickness. It is something that we all have to overcome. It's just like having the flu, and maybe being depressed is like having or feeling like you have the flu all the time. But when you take care of yourself, you start to feel better. It's no different when you're dealing with mental health. You have to decide that at least every single day, I am going to accomplish at least two of the goals that I have on my list. Maybe it's just vacuuming your home for 15 minutes a day, or maybe it's emptying your dishwasher or washing your car, or walking your dog. All of that counts. So don't diminish the small win by saying oh, I just walked my dog, that counts. It counts toward your healing, every step that you take. If you went from feeling sad for an entire minute and then the next day you got up to 10 minutes, that's progress. So there is something that you can do in order to feel better. So there is something that you can do in order to feel better.

Speaker 1: 6:35

This very episode is one that I have lived, one I've had to survive with a smile on my face and tears in my heart. We're talking about high functioning depression. Smiling through the storm, it's when you know you're doing all the right things working, parenting, leading, serving but on the inside you're silently sinking. There's a unique kind of heartbreak in being praised for how strong you are while secretly feeling so fragile. Maybe you've been the one who shows up for everyone, answers every call, volunteers, prays for others. People call you and ask you to do things for them, and you do it. And yet when night falls, you sink in the dark feeling of invisibility. You cry quietly so no one hears you. You smile publicly so no one hears you. You smile publicly so no one asks questions. You achieve, you perform, you serve and you pour out until your cup is empty and your soul is tired. That my friend is smiling through the storm, and I want to say this clearly that kind of strength should not be required to survive.

Speaker 1: 7:46

Too many of us have been taught to perform wellness, to wear strength like armor and success like a mask. But behind the degrees, the titles, the caregiving and the cute selfies, there's a story, there's a storm, there's a sadness that doesn't go away just because we managed to smile through brunch or gave an encouraging word to someone else. But let me tell you what I've learned being high functioning does not mean you're healed. Being productive doesn't mean you're peaceful and being available to everyone else doesn't mean you're being true to yourself. Being available to everyone else doesn't mean you're being true to yourself. The world has a way of rewarding your ability to pretend, but healing can't happen when we're pretending lives.

Speaker 1: 8:33

It begins in spaces where honesty is honored, in rooms where your tears are seen as sacred and not shameful, in moments when you finally say I am not okay If you are nodding right now or wiping away a tear or taking a deep breath, because I'm describing exactly where you are, then this moment is for you. I see you, god sees you, and I want you to see yourself, not the version of you that keeps it together for everyone else, but the version of you who needs to rest, who deserves help and who doesn't have to earn love through performance. I'll say that again who doesn't have to earn love through performance? You don't have to earn love by being useful. You don't have to prove your worth by holding everyone else together. You are worthy of love, rest, healing and joy, even when you're not performing well.

Speaker 1: 9:35

So what do you do when you're in the middle of a storm and still smiling, when you're tired of being the strong one, when you want to fall apart but don't know how? Well, here are three things I want you to try this week. Number one try to tell the truth to someone you trust, even if it's just one sentence that says I'm struggling and I don't want to hide it anymore. That simple truth can crack the mask and let the light. In Number two, give yourself permission to rest without apology. Not just physical rest, but emotional rest. Put the phone down, say no to the extra task. Let the dishes sit. You matter more than what you do.

Speaker 1: 10:24

Number three begin a practice of checking in with yourself daily. Ask yourself, what do I need right now? Not what does my job need, or my family or my church or my friends, but what do I need to feel safe, supported and seen. Write those down and, when you have the opportunity, share them with someone that you trust. Say this with me I no longer need to perform peace, I choose to pursue it Again. I no longer need to perform peace, I choose to pursue it. I am worthy of rest, even when I haven't earned it. Again, I am worthy of rest, even when I haven't earned it.

Speaker 1: 11:12

My smile is beautiful, but it doesn't have to be a mask. Again, my smile is beautiful, it doesn't have to be a mask. You are wonderfully made, and that is the truth. Say that every day in the mirror when you get up in the morning. I am wonderfully made, and that is the truth. Say that every day in the mirror when you get up in the morning. I am wonderfully made. There is no one like me, and I love myself.

Speaker 1: 11:37

When we speak out loud good thoughts, it helps us to have good days, better moments, and it gives us a lifetime of joy, better moments and it gives us a lifetime of joy when we are filled with sadness or when we thrive on negativity. It does not promote our well-being or good mental health. Sometimes we have to act as if we feel better, even when we don't, because if we were to wait until we felt better to do anything, we may never get anything done. I appreciate you walking with me today on this journey. I want you to remember something even in the storm, even in silence, even behind the smile, you are seen, you are strong and you are not alone. Until next time, be gentle with yourself, be honest with your heart and be bold enough to choose healing, even if you have to cry through the process. I never want to end my podcast without thanking you so very much for listening. You continue to be the best part of win over depression and we are continuing to build momentum to grow and to expand, and I am so thankful.

Speaker 1: 12:58

Let me ask you this Would you consider becoming a patron for win over depression? All you have to do is go to wwwpatreoncom that's P-A-T-R-E-O-Ncom, backslash Tamara Trotter, that's T-A-M-E-R-A-T-R-O-T-T-E-R, and as little as $10 to $20 per month will help us to reach even more people. I know that you are aware that every 15 seconds, someone is committing suicide and in this country, 800,000 people are taking their lives. If you are contemplating suicide, please don't take your life. Your family won't understand and you'll be passing along the pain that you feel onto those who love you the most. Call your accountability partner, go through these episodes and write down some homework assignments. Call the suicide prevention hotline, but please absolutely stay in the game of life.

Speaker 1: 14:03

I also have a course called 14 Days to Get Through Depression. 14 Days to Mental Health Wellness. If you are interested, you can go to the show notes and it is packed with episodes of the podcast, as well as videos and step-by-step instructions on what you can do to feel better in 14 days or less. There is a mood tracker, affirmations and plenty of other tools that will equip you with the ability to get to that better place that you deserve. Take care and I will see you again next Friday. Remember, giving up is never an option.