When we emerge from the fog, we look behind the mirror and what we find is a painful truth. Welcome to this podcast of My Inner Torch. That truth behind the mirror, what do I mean by that? What do I mean behind the mirror lies a painful truth? Well, the truth brings a world of confusion and hurt to us nons.
You love all that terminology. We're nons, we're empaths, we're accomplices in these "relationshits". Again, excuse my French, but that's what they are with our cluster B. And what we see in public is the mirage and the, I guess the, the "S" show of a person that they truly are. And I wanted to reflect on that, especially after the holidays, because it's interesting watching my wife go out of her way to recognize other people, to buy them presents, to bake cookies, give them fudge. After all, it's all part of her act. And it's part of that act that before I came out of the fog, I bought into about 22 years ago when I started my relationship with my wife, been married for over 21 years now, it's coming up to 23 years that we were in a relationship. That initial persona, the public persona that she portrays the," I'm going to do anything for anybody" I bought into it hook line and painful sinker. I believed that my wife was a wonderful person that she would do anything for anybody.
She would be there for them. And indeed she was for me, but for a limited time. And that's what I wanted to talk about behind the mirror, because when they look in the mirror, the cluster B sometimes sees a different version of themselves than what we see. And behind that mirror lies a very painful truth for us. And it all ties back to wanting and desiring the person that we see in public to be that person in private again. And when you come out of the fog, it makes it extremely painful and you find yourself sort of, I found myself the other day when we were out and she immediately was like, Oh, you know, I need to go buy a bottle of champagne for my boss. And yes, this simple act of kindness on behalf of my wife made me clinch my fists in my jacket to the point where I felt pain, the frustration, the hurt, the anger, knowing that my wife was putting into an effort, putting in an effort to basically not love bomb, but nice bomb to show her boss what a wonderful person she is. When I know that she is an unfeeling, non-empathetic, noncompassionate monster behind closed doors that she doesn't care. She's very selective as to who she decides to nice bomb, do things for people because the end result is that they want validation. They want this, this image to last in the public for people to go, Oh my gosh, she's just the most wonderful person. So when and if the relationship comes to a crashing halt, this is by design folks, people are going to stand back and go, wow, they're going to buy into the smear campaign that my wife will inevitably weave.
Cluster bees are fabricators. They create realities that don't exist. And an example of which is a story that my wife wove the other day and having a conversation with her brother. And it reminded me that most of the stories she's probably told me of past relationships are highly embellished. Here's a story that they, that has come to light after world war one. They were talking about the trench warfare and how they used to communicate. And so if you had miles of trenches, somebody would start out with a statement. It might be a benign statement.
I think the enemy is coming. And by the time it made its way down the miles of trenches, the enemy was there. They had killed thousands of people and they were under heavy attack. And the same goes for a cluster bee. They can take a benign situation and weave an incredible story. And point of which I had mailed out some Christmas cards, some holiday cards. And what my wife had done, not on her fault, she had run out of stamps. So the pile of the Christmas cards, they had stamps on top of the first few Christmas cards. And so I mailed them out and I told her, oh, I, you know, mailed out the cards and she's like, oh, you were supposed to buy some stamps.
Now, of course that wasn't communicated to me, but that's okay. And surprisingly enough, she wasn't angry about that. She didn't start to berate me or belittle me, which she may have done some years ago, but this time she was like, oh, that's, that's a funny thing. No worries. And because we live in a small community, the post office recognized the fact that some of those cards didn't have postage on them, but we thought initially that they were going to be delivered with postage due. So she went and told her brother this story about how I had forgotten to put postage on there and how the post office had, the postmaster had given me back the cards and was laughing and talking to me about the fact that I hadn't put postage on these envelopes and thought it was a very funny incident. Well, the truth of the matter is, is that's not what happened. What happened was, is that the post office did recognize that there were four envelopes that had no postage on them and rather than sending them through the system and making them postage due on the other end, they simply put a rubber band on them, had no interaction with me and put them in the mailbox. But the point of this story is, is that my wife fabricated this entire story about how I had gone to the post office and how they had given me those envelopes without the postage due and how we had had an imaginary conversation that never took place.
They are fabricators. A lot of people might say they're liars, but I don't know if they're liars in the sense that they create stories, they create their own reality and they live in that reality. They are disassociated with the reality that you and I live. And so when the relationship inevitably ends in some form or fashion, it doesn't matter if you basically said to them, Hey, you know what? I think we need to end this relationship.
It's not working for me. They'll create some story that you threw them up against the wall and you beat them and you drug them behind your car and you abused them for years prior to your departure. Just incredible fabrications and incredible smear campaigns. And you know that that's what they do. At least I know that that's what they do. So it's, it just amazes me when my wife is relating stories to other people of things that have transpired. And yeah, there's a certain kernel of truth, but they're fabricating this incredible story.
She's fabricating the story. And so that makes me start to think about all the stories that she talked about her past relationships and what she related to. Stories that I listened to and said, Oh my gosh, how can that be? These are like stories of legends that people blow out of proportion when you're sitting around a campfire. So what lies behind the mirror of a cluster B? There lies an incredible, painful truth that the person they portray themselves to be. And again, it doesn't matter. Although I will say that borderlines tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves. Borderlines don't. They create an incredible image of themselves. The image of who they want to be, that maybe that's who you want them to be.
They mirror back your qualities and then inherently you realize that that person never existed. And then you sit there questioning your own sanity and you are gaslighted. You're hoovered, you're bread crumbed and you're trapped in their reality. Think about it. What lies behind the mirror of your cluster B? Because I know what lies behind the mirror of mine. And as I've said before, in previous podcasts, now that I know the truth, now that I can see her for who she is, it gives me some solace.
It gives me tools to deal with. It allows me to begin to heal. But it's also incredibly frustrating and very hurtful at the same time. Because you see these people going through their motions, their behaviors, their cycles.
There are cycles of abuse. It's a cluster B cycle of abuse. The nice bombing and then talking nastily behind somebody's back. Them trying to build themselves up. I saw it this morning. My wife was leaving for work and she had made some fudge the night prior. And of course I knew it was going to happen, that she has to take some in. Because it's all about building herself up, showing people what a nice person she is, how thoughtful she is. And our marriage is just part and parcel of this image. It's all a farce.
It's all a lie. The truth of the matter is hurtful and they are deceitful.
My Inner Torch at gmail.com. Thank you for making this podcast. One of the fastest growing podcasts on Cluster B. Please, if you do have an opportunity, leave a review on whichever platform you happen to be listening to My Inner Torch on. It really does help spread the word because at the end of the day, that's why I'm here. I'm not here to emote and talk about my experiences, hoping that people are going to feel sorry for me, that I'm a victim.
I'm hapless victim. I can't believe she did this, that, and the other. I want people to be aware of how these people operate because they're extremely dangerous when it comes to relationships. New podcasts uploaded each and every Friday at 10 a.m.
Eastern Standard Time. I do like hearing from people who relate their stories and actually some people who offer some advice. And I do appreciate your continued listenership. So I say to you, be well and in whatever you do, be good. Till next time, this has been My Inner Torch.