How Many Times?

Today's Podcast explores the complex relationship dynamics between empaths and individuals with Cluster B personality disorders, such as narcissists, psychopaths, and borderlines. I explore reasons for the attraction between these two groups, highlighting our inclination to feel responsible for fixing their partners. How many times do we need to be reminded until we take actions for ourselves. 

Transcript

How many times, how many times, how much time until we see the light of truth. Until we value ourselves. Until we say enough is enough with our cluster b. Here's an interesting parallel between narcissists and empaths. Cluster b's. Because I think that this can encompass both narcissists, psychopaths, borderlines, the whole family, the whole genre of cluster b. It's basically the law of attraction because a lot of us say why are we drawn to these people?

Why are they drawn to us? Why do they seek us out? Well, for the covert b, they attract empaths like us because they expect someone to take care of them. And in the case of the narcissist, to put them on a pedestal and to treat their wants and needs like they are their top priority while feeling no need for reciprocity. When is enough is enough. How many times until we see the light of truth. Now as for us, a lot of us are empaths. We attract narcissists or cluster b's because we believe that we need to take care of them to heal or fix them. I've talked in countless podcasts about that about me. The need and the feeling to fix my cluster b wife of almost 22 years.

That inherent desire. And what's really scary to me is that even though I know enough is enough, and even though I know how many times I've been through the same emotional laundry cycle. I find myself still wanting to justify the world to my cluster b wife. I I still wanna show her. I still want in some form or fashion to fix her. And that's what we do as empaths. We don't believe that we are deserving of love and affection. So we give and we give with the hope of receiving something, just anything, until we're completely depleted. That is our path. So how many times do we have to be shown disrespect of our boundaries, of our way of doing things, of trying to love these people. How many times are we going to be neglected for our needs? Completely ignorant.

How many times? You have to ask yourself that. So here are 7 harsh truths that you must realize before it's too late. Until you find yourself saying, like I do, how many times? Number 1. You should either have a supportive partner or no partner.

There's no third option. And I talked about in a previous podcast, the feeling of us being scared. Hey, you know, it's the devil we know. We become complacent in these relationships and we figure, okay. Yeah. Alright. They're, you know, they're not really respecting our boundaries. They're disrespecting us. They're devaluing us. They're discarding us. They're breadcrumbing us.

They're hoovering us. But you know what? Okay. You know, there is no third option to us. You know, we we just we just basically go through these relationships and we say they're not terribly supportive, but we're gonna support them. We're going to be both factors, both equations in what should be a balanced relationship. Number 2. If someone can't tell you their flaws, they have a dangerous lack of self awareness. Now this would definitely apply to a narcissist. I really don't think that my cluster b wife really thinks or is cognizant of the disregard of me, the not seeing me just not really caring. I I don't think because she ebbs and flows in her emotional cycle that I think if I went to her and felt comfortable enough to say, look, you know, I'm not getting anything out of this relationship.

I think she'd be really surprised. I don't think she would necessarily deny it, but she'd be surprised at what what's my problem? I've been around for 23 years.

And that's on me, folks. That's definitely on me. Number 3. The best revenge is getting yourself to a place where you no longer care about revenge, and this is key. So many of us, including myself, are hell bent on teaching our cluster b a lesson. You know, we think that if we stonewall them, if we give them the silent treatment, that somehow, some way, they're really gonna care. And the answer is they don't. They're very well equipped to deal with the behaviors that they dish out. If you reflect it back to them, if you mirror it back to them, they're extremely adept at handling it.

They're not like us. They're they really don't care. They're not feeling people. They don't care. I've tried that with my wife numerous times thinking that if I expressed my anger, frustration or whatever, that somehow some way she'd come back to me and say oh my gosh, you know, I'm sorry did I hurt your feelings? No. There's complete lack of regard to us in these relationships. There's no doubt in my mind. Number 4. In the 7 truths you have to realize before it's too late. Just because a relationship has lasted a long time doesn't mean it's working.

Now that pertains to me. 23 years I have been with my cluster b.

Married almost 22. 22 years. And so, yeah, I can definitely say it's not working.

But what am I gonna do about it? You know, am I gonna seek revenge? Do I want to hurt my cluster b wife and try to make her feel the way she makes me feel? No. That's really not the path you want to take. Number 5.

Self love comes from self control. You'll never respect yourself if you're a slave to people pleasing and external forces. Okay. So you know that's the whole idea that I've talked about in numerous podcasts. About loving ourselves, valuing yourself, so that you can say enough is enough, and how many times am I going to put up with this? Inherently that's what we need to do. We have to believe in ourselves. Believe in you. Don't necessarily believe in the cluster b. Number 6. Don't let your time and energy leak from social media overthinking and meaningless relationships.

So when and if you are a discarded or b you leave the relationship, you have to leave the relationship. It has to end cold turkey. You can't be their friend. You can't be drawn to their social media accounts and be still, you know, they still have a tentacle in you and they're you're still interwoven in the fabric of their life where you care what they're doing. Because inherently you know that they're going to monkey branch, they're going to find another supply. It doesn't matter whether it's a narcissist or a borderline.

The end justifies the means. They will be out finding somebody else and that person will be the best thing since sliced bread.

You know that. But yet you're going to expose yourself to that and you will be hurt. Well that's just the way it is. That's the way things happen and you have to accept that. And then finally, number 7, if you always think your happiness is somewhere else, it'll never be where you are.

I'm gonna reread that. If you always think your happiness is somewhere else, it'll never be where you are. So if you place your happiness and your soul existence in these people, well, that's just not a good idea. That's an emotional investment that's never going to pay off. And so you're going to find yourself basically saying you know what, enough is enough. And so what happens when you finally end the relationship? Well, it doesn't end there because if you remain in contact with friends who have exposure to them or family, you can expect them to lie to you and everyone around them. You can expect them to smear you to anyone who will listen.

You can expect them to recruit others now in the abuse cycle of you. You can expect them to provoke a reaction from you, to prove that you are the problem. You can expect them to claim that they have always been the victim. You can expect them to accuse you of doing all the horrific things they're doing to you. You can expect them to have no closure. You can expect yourself, not them. Expect to have no closure and no validation from them ever. And, expect for this dynamic to never change unless they hoover you back.

Unless they still have the power. So how many times are you going to be undermined, disrespected, undervalued, and neglected until you see the light of truth? This encompasses this entire podcast. And what I'm trying to do, I'm trying to basically be a little bit of a sliver of light in the darkness that we all lead in our relationships with these cluster b's. New episodes uploaded each and every Friday at 10 AM Eastern Standard Time. I appreciate your continued listenership and your support through a review on which ever podcast platform you happen to be listening to my inner torch on.

Till next time. Be well.

And in whatever you do, be good. This has been my inner torch.