In this Podcast, I discuss the challenging experience of being in a relationship with someone exhibiting traits of Cluster B personality disorders. It warns against believing in the professed love of such individuals, highlighting their manipulation and lack of understanding of mature love. The speaker encourages recognizing the false persona created by these individuals and emphasizes the importance of living in the present moment and not dwelling on past experiences. They reflect on feeling trapped in a compromising relationship and advise letting go to find healthier relationships in the future. The text also stresses the significance of recognizing self-worth and breaking the cycle of abuse and manipulation in relationships with individuals displaying cluster B personality traits. It concludes by promoting self-improvement and well-being.
In this Podcast, I discuss the challenging experience of being in a relationship with someone exhibiting traits of Cluster B personality disorders. It warns against believing in the professed love of such individuals, highlighting their manipulation and lack of understanding of mature love. The speaker encourages recognizing the false persona created by these individuals and emphasizes the importance of living in the present moment and not dwelling on past experiences. They reflect on feeling trapped in a compromising relationship and advise letting go to find healthier relationships in the future. The text also stresses the significance of recognizing self-worth and breaking the cycle of abuse and manipulation in relationships with individuals displaying cluster B personality traits. It concludes by promoting self-improvement and well-being.
When you take a moment to look through the distorted lens of a cluster b, You see a reality that doesn't exist. They have created a fantasy in their own world, and you are a player in that. You are in love with a lie. So here's some harsh realities that we all have to deal with, and I have to tell you that it doesn't get any easier with the passage of time. Because once you come out of the fog, and I've talked about this in numerous podcasts, coming to coming to terms with the reality that you've been duped, that what you thought was real really isn't real, That the reality that they created is not a reality that you can sustain or exist in. You are truly in love with a lie.
The person you fell in love with, the cluster b that you fell in love with, the persona that they created never existed. They created this persona just for you. They saw how wonderful you were, and they mirrored your characteristics, mirroring back to you. That's why I've always said, you've fallen in love with yourself to a certain degree because they're mirroring back your good qualities in the beginning. They pretended to like the things that you liked so that they would be more believable to you. If you think back to the origin, the beginning of your relationship with your cluster b, you will probably find that everything you liked, well, gosh, they liked it too. They were interested in it as well.
And you're thinking to yourself, I can't believe I found my soulmate. This person is so interested. I know that my cluster b wife of almost 22 years went out and researched a lot of things that I was interested in so that she could become more relatable. It is a way that they use. It's a tactic that they use to kind of endear themselves to you. So if you're into hiking, well, gosh darn, they are too. If you love tennis, well, maybe they are not a great tennis player, but they're interested in tennis, and they're willing to learn.
These are all commonalities that they want to establish as they continue to groom you and as they continue to create the trauma bond. They made you believe that they were madly in love with you. Now remember, cluster b's don't really know what adult, what mature love is. But for whatever reason, they use that term love very loosely. But we buy into it because we are loving people. We want to believe that these people love us. They love us, l o v e. They don't.
Please stop believing that they do. Yeah. You can say it. I love you. I love you. I love you. But they don't really mean it because they don't understand it.
It sounds great. They're mirroring back your love and your affection. And then when things go south and you start to react, and when you start to become aware sentient of their ways, well, then they're mirroring that back to you as well. Please understand that most cluster b's, I'm not gonna say all of them because that's a universal statement. I'm sure there are some out there that are an exception to a rule, but from for the most part, they just don't love us. They don't. And yet that's what we cling to.
We cling to this idea that because they pretended to be somebody else, that that someone else must be their true self. It's not. It's what you're seeing today living in the now. Eckhart Tolle wrote a book, The Power of Now, Living in the Now. Okay? Not 3 years ago, 3 months ago, 3 weeks ago, when they were bread crumbing you, when they were hoovering you, when you met them. Why do we go back to that fairy tale?
They made you believe that you were the center of the universe and then, well, they just stopped playing. Have you noticed that? I have. My wife doesn't care anymore. It's It's been a long time. It's been over 2 decades. She doesn't have to play anymore.
What I see is what I get. And whether I like it or not, well, that's my problem. And being the person that I am, being the empath and trying to understand and trying to keep the peace and trying to be civil, well, I am compromising my own existence, my own self esteem, and my own happiness in the process. And I continue to do so knowingly, but it is increasingly painful going against the grain. It is very painful. They knew that they had caught you in their trap. They knew that you would kill yourself trying to get back the person you fell in love with.
They didn't care. They don't care. They never cared. And here you are jumping through hoops, trying desperately to win them back, giving them the benefit of the doubt, inviting them back into your life only to continue the cluster b abuse cycle. Okay. Why do we do that?
It's all about them. It's they're trying to feel human and be as good of person as you are. But you know that they will never manage to do that. It's not in their nature. They treat everyone this way. You weren't there first and you sure as heck won't be there last. And I think that's hard for us.
I know it's hard for me to imagine my wife outside of our marriage will go out of this marriage and go do the whole same thing over again. And yet, I am sort of channeling jealousy of this unknown unmet person as to them receiving my wife's false intentions and false affections. But wow. They're gonna get something that I had once upon a time and that I won't get again. And it's going to repeat itself. The cycle will repeat itself. My wife could walk out the door tomorrow.
She'll do the same thing over and over again with the same result. But it bothers us that they will reserve special treatment for somebody that perhaps they haven't even yet met. Why do they get that treatment when we've gone through such hell? Why does somebody else receive the benefit? You have to let that go. You have to believe in yourself and you have to believe that there is life after your cluster b. There is a better way.
There are better people. There are people that will reciprocate, that will reflect back the love, not in an act. Not that they're shape shifting themselves so that you'll love them, that they will lure you into the trap. And then you're stuck there because now you've had a taste of the good life and you want it back again, and you're willing to sacrifice your own self esteem and your own identity to attain it. Why do we do that? Why don't we think of ourselves a little higher? Give ourselves a little more self value than we give to our cluster b.
They don't deserve it. They don't. No matter which way you slice it, no matter which way you justify it, and I know I justify it. Well, I just wanna be civil. I just wanna be nice. Yes. I'm not telling you that you should experience reactive abuse because a lot of us do, including myself.
You get angry. You act out and then of course they are the consummate victim. They play the consummate victim. You know that. It is the repetitive cycle of covert narcissism, of borderline, in general of cluster b abuse.
It is a recognizable cycle. It's the wash, rinse, repeat, which is a podcast I did not too long ago. It's the emotional con game, which I a podcast I touched upon. I seem to have covered pretty much the entire genre in over a 180 podcasts, which are all public service announcements from my own experience of over 22 years, actually, 23.
Am I an expert on this? No. I'm not. Because every and each cluster b is different in their abusive approach.
They all act differently. And so therefore, we're all out there on the Internet trying to find out whether we can find commonalities. And I hope that you do find some commonalities in what I'm talking about so that you can realize that you don't deserve to be in a relationship like this. You don't deserve to be treated like this. And that, yeah, you know what? It's painful. The detachment process is extremely painful, but in some cases, it is entirely necessary so you can find yourself again.
And that once you go no contact, you cannot under no circumstances find yourself drawn back to these people. It's insidious and that's what they do. They're very good at it. Because they'll give you another glimpse of who they were at one time, who they pretended to be, and you will inherently go running back. That's not something you should do, but that's easier said than done. This is why you have to work on yourself while you're in the relationship that when you go no contact, cold turkey, you will not find yourself drawn back. Because we all know the ending of the story.
It's not a happy one. New episodes uploaded each and every Friday at 10 AM Eastern Standard Time. I appreciate your review on whichever platform you happen to be listening to my inner torch on. And, of course, I always enjoy hearing from you at my inner torch at g mail dot com. Be well, and in whatever you do, be good. This has been my inner torch.