"You can't fix what you didn't break"-A revisit from January 2022

Let's look back to January 2022 and one of my most downloaded podcasts. This resonated with many listeners. I hope it will with you too!

🎯 Key Takeaways

Core Points:

• I cannot fix someone with Cluster B personality disorders. Their issues predate my relationship.
• Accepting this limitation is crucial for my well-being. I must avoid the codependent role of trying to “fix” them.
• I need to recognize manipulative behaviors like silent treatment and love bombing as warning signs.
• I must prioritize my own healing and self-care. I will seek support and therapy.
• I understand that these behaviors are intentional and abusive, not accidental.
• I will set boundaries and protect myself from further harm.

🔍 Summary

The Impossibility of Fixing Cluster B Personalities

I’ve learned that attempting to “fix” individuals with Cluster B personality disorders is futile. I now understand that these conditions are pre-existing; I did not cause them and therefore cannot cure them. Accepting this is a necessary step toward my own healing in relationships with such individuals. The metaphor of a broken object resonates with me—I cannot fix something I did not break. This underscores the importance of my self-care and avoiding the codependent trap of endlessly trying to change someone else.

Examples of Manipulative Behaviors

Through my experiences, I’ve encountered numerous manipulative behaviors characteristic of Cluster B personalities. These include the silent treatment during times of distress or need, and the love bombing stage at the beginning of a relationship. I now recognize these behaviors as intentional forms of punishment and control. These real-life examples have helped me understand the abusive nature of such dynamics and the challenges I face in dealing with these personalities.

The Importance of Self-Care and Setting Boundaries

I am learning to prioritize my self-care and set clear boundaries. I will stop trying to change my loved ones and instead focus on my own healing. I understand that there is unlikely to be a significant change or an “aha” moment on their part. This is a crucial step toward escaping harmful relationship dynamics. By focusing on my personal agency, I’m giving myself actionable steps to take and valuing my emotional health independent of their actions.

The Path to Healing

I am committed to continuing my education, seeking help, and beginning my healing journey. I see resources like this as valuable tools in my process. My emphasis is now on the proactive steps I can take to work toward my emotional well-being, recognizing that fixing the other person is an impossible task. I am practicing self-reflection and accepting the limitations in my relationships with those struggling with psychological conditions.