Did THEY ever love us?

🎯 Key Takeaways

Core Points:

• I’ve questioned my Clustered B partner’s love because of the deep pain I’ve experienced and my desperate desire to understand if their behaviors could coexist with genuine affection.
• What I once believed was love was actually an allure - a manipulative tool used for control, supply, and validation, not a genuine connection of mutual care.
• Their version of “love” was always conditional and transactional, entirely dependent on my ability to fulfill their needs and feed their ego.
• The moment I set boundaries or stopped providing constant supply, they became indifferent and contemptuous, which painfully revealed the absence of true love.
• I’ve realized I must shift my focus from seeking their validation to cultivating my own self-love and recognizing my inherent worth.
• I now understand that my Clustered B partner has an extremely limited capacity for love, and my priority must be my own healing and well-being.

🔍 Summary

Love vs. Allure
The central question I’ve grappled with is whether my Clustered B partner was capable of genuine love. My yearning to understand if I was ever truly loved comes from a place of deep, personal pain and a heartfelt desire to reconcile their abusive behaviors with a hopeful belief in underlying affection. The initial phase of our relationship, which felt like an intense honeymoon period, seemed so passionate and promising. However, I now recognize this was merely an “allure” - a carefully constructed facade designed to draw me in.

Transactional Affection
The affection my partner displayed was always tied to control and their need for supply. Their “love bombing” was fundamentally conditional, linked exclusively to what I could provide - whether that was admiration, attention, emotional support, or material resources. This was starkly different from my understanding of love, which involves mutual care, trust, and personal growth. For them, love was purely about fulfilling their own needs.

The Shift to Self-Love
When I began setting boundaries or my supply of validation and admiration diminished, their entire demeanor shifted to cold indifference and contempt. This painful reaction definitively proved that their affection was purely transactional. I’ve since transformed my central question from "Did they ever love me?’ to “Am I ready to love myself?”. This journey involves reclaiming my self-worth and stopping my futile search for validation from someone fundamentally incapable of providing it.

Limited Capacity for Love
I’ve accepted that my Clustered B partner has an extremely limited capacity for love. Their ability to care quickly evaporates when it no longer serves their immediate needs. I now understand that I must devote my energy to self-healing rather than seeking validation from those who cannot genuinely provide it. Most importantly, I’ve discovered that I am capable of deep, honest, and lasting love - especially the love I can give myself.