My Inner Torch
My Inner Torch offers direct and personal insight with help for those of us in a relationship with someone who is undiagnosed/diagnosed with a Cluster B Personality Disorder. This is a safe place to come for words of inspiration that draw from my personal experiences and is produced to gain understanding and to find direction as we navigate through the often difficult relationships with those we love who suffer with a Cluster B personality disorder that includes BPD and NPD. PLEASE NOTE: This podcast is NOT for those who suffer with these disorders. This podcast is for survivors of these challenging and difficult relationships.
My Inner Torch
BONUS PODCAST-The Clownfish Survivor and the Cluster B Anemone
🎯 Key Takeaways
Core Points:
- I’ve adapted to toxic environments by developing tolerance to harmful behaviors—a survival mechanism, not healthy coping.
- I recognize that normalizing abuse and emotional numbness represent damage, not resilience.
- My relationships with Cluster B individuals created trauma bonds, not mutual benefit.
- I’m healing by feeling the pain, acknowledging the dysfunction, and understanding it’s not my fault.
- I deserve environments built on genuine connection, not constant self-protection.
🔍 Summary
The Clownfish and the Anemone Metaphor
Like a clownfish developing immunity to an anemone’s sting, I’ve gradually adapted to toxic relationships with Cluster B personalities. Through repeated exposure, I developed a psychological defense layer, normalizing behaviors that were never normal. This adaptation felt necessary for survival, but it came at a cost I’m only now recognizing.
Adaptation and Trauma
I reinterpreted cruelty as stress and abuse as rough patches, thickening my emotional skin to survive. This created a dangerous comfort—I mistook the anemone for home and became dependent. What felt like strength was actually a trauma bond keeping me trapped.
The Illusion of Mutual Benefit
I believed I was stabilizing the other person or was the only one who understood them. But unlike natural symbiosis, Cluster B individuals actively harm through manipulation and gaslighting. The perceived mutual benefit was really just my survival tactics and conditioning at work.
Emotional Numbness as Damage
My final adaptation was emotional numbness—I stopped reacting to endure more. I now see this as learned helplessness, not strength. I became anesthetized not because the hurt stopped, but because I stopped allowing myself to feel it.
Breaking Free from Toxicity
I’m healing by feeling the pain again and acknowledging the truth: this relationship isn’t normal, healthy, or loving. It’s not my fault. I deserve warmth and genuine connection. Unlike the clownfish, I can leave. True strength means choosing environments that nurture me, not ones that require constant self-protection.