My Inner Torch
My Inner Torch offers direct and personal insight with help for those of us in a relationship with someone who is undiagnosed/diagnosed with a Cluster B Personality Disorder. This is a safe place to come for words of inspiration that draw from my personal experiences and is produced to gain understanding and to find direction as we navigate through the often difficult relationships with those we love who suffer with a Cluster B personality disorder that includes BPD and NPD. PLEASE NOTE: This podcast is NOT for those who suffer with these disorders. This podcast is for survivors of these challenging and difficult relationships.
My Inner Torch
REVEALED! What's really behind Cluster B LOVE?
🎯 Key Takeaways
Core Points:
- The intensity I felt in early Cluster B relationships was projection, not genuine love.
- Cluster B individuals seek validation and regulation, not true reciprocal connection.
- Intensity is not the same as intimacy or real attachment.
- Devaluation happens when I become real—when my needs and emotions threaten their fantasy.
- Their “love” is state-dependent, shifting with their feelings, not grounded in consistent bonds.
- I heal by releasing self-blame and claiming the consistent, safe love I truly deserve.
🔍 Summary
The Mirage of Cluster B Love
What felt like intense love was actually a mirage created through idealization and attention. This activated my attachment systems, but I’ve learned that intensity isn’t intimacy—passion isn’t the same as genuine presence or connection.
Projection, Not Love
Cluster B individuals weren’t truly loving me; they were projecting their own needs and seeking validation to manage their inner turmoil. They lack a stable sense of self, so they don’t bond reciprocally. Instead, they attach to “emotional supply”—validation, regulation, and identity reinforcement. I became a mirror reflecting back admiration and safety.
Why the Shift to Devaluation
When I became “real”—expressing needs, setting boundaries, showing genuine emotions—I shattered their fantasy. The warmth turned to criticism without warning. This shift wasn’t my fault; it revealed that their “love” was never rooted in genuine attachment or empathy.
True Healing Begins with Understanding
Their feelings were real in the moment but lacked continuity. I mistook intensity for love because of my own capacity to love and my assumption that others do too. Trauma bonding deepened this confusion. Healing means releasing self-blame and recognizing that real love doesn’t disappear under pressure, doesn’t punish vulnerability, and doesn’t demand I erase myself. I deserve love that’s consistent and safe.