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Sober Vibes Podcast
Welcome to Sober Vibes, where sobriety meets empowerment! Hosted by sober coach, author, and mom Courtney Andersen—who’s been thriving in her alcohol-free life since 8/18/2012—this podcast is your go-to space for real talk, proven strategies, and inspiring stories from women who are redefining what it means to live without alcohol.
Each week, Courtney dives deep into the topics that matter most—from conquering cravings and navigating social settings to rebuilding confidence and finding joy in sobriety. Whether you’re newly sober, in long-term recovery, or simply curious about life without alcohol, the Sober Vibes Podcast delivers the support, insights, and encouragement you need.
Join a like-minded community and discover how sobriety can unlock a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life. Don’t just get sober—let’s thrive together!
Sober Vibes Podcast
LOTE: Q & A w/ Courtney and Kimberly
Episode 190: LOTE: Q & A w/ Courtney and Kimberly
Episode 190 of the Sober Vibes podcast is a LOTE episode, which means the show within the show is here. Courtney and Kimberly do a question-and-answer session. We answered many of your questions about your current struggles, which you shared on the Sober Vibes Instagram page.
What you will learn in this episode:
- Q&A series with Courtney and Kimberly
- How to Overcome Sadness in Sobriety
- Being bored in Sobriety
- Figuring out how to respond to people about not drinking
- Rebuilding your social life after drinking
Come travel with Courtney and Kim to Costa Rica
Thank you for listening.
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Thank you to our Sponsors.
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To Connect with Courtney:
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Come join the Sobriety Circle
Apply for 1:1 Coaching Here
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Free Resources:
Join the women-only Sober Vibes Facebook group
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To Connect with Kimberly:
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This is Courtney.
Speaker 1:This is Kimberly. You are listening to the show within the show, living on the L-Edge. Come live with us. We're talking about the road to recovery and sobriety and how to vibe and maintain a happy and healthy lifestyle. What up, though? Hey everybody, it's episode 190 of Living on the L-Edge, and my sister, courtney hey, court, hey, sissy has finally let me introduce the show after four years of doing this. You guys, I've made it, I have arrived, welcome, welcome, welcome. How's everyone doing out there? First of all, it's not that I've made it, I have arrived, welcome, welcome, welcome. How's everyone doing out there? First of all, it's not that I've been sitting here being like God damn it, I'm going to introduce this show every time. You have never expressed that you wanted to do the intro until today. I just thought it would be fun. Something a little different, right, a little different. Something a little different, right, a little different. If you are new here and you're like what the hell is going on with these two, welcome.
Speaker 1:This is the show within the show of the Sober Vibes podcast. My sister and I do our own show in this podcast and you can join us. We try to shoot for every third episode, but sometimes with scheduling conflicts it just doesn't happen. So, welcome. And you must go back to the beginning and listen to our stories. Yep, we've had some great, some great conversations in here and Courtney and I kind of just our processes. We, just before we record, we always like we'll talk on the phone for a while and then start recording and and kind of figure out a theme or what we want to do, or go through our DMs on the Sober Vibes, Insta or if anyone's reached out to me and kind of talk about subjects that you guys have asked us questions about or something that Courtney and I have struggled with with with the week and something that we want to get out whatever. So that's just kind of our. It's not, it's an open conversation, it's not scripted, so we just talk that talk. And today we decided, because we've been getting like questions, that we're just going to do a Q and A and answer some DMs. We're going to answer some DMs Before and this is a lot with what people are struggling with right now.
Speaker 1:But before we get into that, my sister and I have to share the show that you must watch on HBO, slash Max, called Chimp Crazy. I don't know if we can go into much more detail. I watched it the first episode and I told Kim I was like dude, you've got to watch this. And Kim was like I don't know if I can, I'll be crying with these animals. And then she's as much as infested as I am now.
Speaker 1:Courtney's got me hook line and sinker on some fucking PETA shit and I'm like I don't eat meat, like I can't do it. It's not because of dietary reasons, because I'm a heifer at heart, but it's because of these animals. Man, they got me, they got me by the heartstrings my whole life. I like it more than people sometimes. Really, we don't deserve animals.
Speaker 1:But this documentary that my sister has me watching, I mean, these people are rowdy. So it's interesting the psychology of it, and hopefully there's a happy ending. Excuse me y'all, I haven't had any coffee today. Yeah, I hope there is too, and that would be of that lady being put in handcuffs Her and Connie. I think that's about where it's going. It's got to be yeah, because it's too much. It is too much. I mean Matt and I when we watched that last night, we were just like in silence.
Speaker 1:I mean Matt's been like shook the past two episodes, right, yeah, how did Matt think? Was he just like what the fuck? He can't? He can't get over that. He can't get over the main character, the real life lady, like when she was in that fucking salon about to get her lips injected and she had that numbing cream I know that numbing cream and sitting in that massage chair and her phone just keeps ringing and ringing, and I mean the best way to describe this woman is she was like disassociating in that chair. She really was, and like the man who was giving her her fillers. I text Kim. I said this man does not look board certified. No, because they're in like the ozarks and like she's in some like it. None of it made sense. But, yeah, none of this.
Speaker 1:This whole thing will not make sense to any of you, but it's also to the guy who is making this, with the guy who brought us fucking the type, was it the tiger king? Yes, the tiger, yeah, tiger king. So he now has gone into like the world of exotic animals and this is about chimps. So it's just like it's the saddest thing. And then also, too, it's just you're, you're. Then are like what are these people's stories and traumas? Because that's where we're at in our lives where we're like we have empathy towards people because we're like what was their trauma.
Speaker 1:And this woman, after the second episode, I don't actually even feel bad for her. I stopped feeling bad for her. No, because she's like an asshole, like she mutters like crazy shit under her breath and like she needs her ass beat. To be quite honest, like she does I, she's a dick and and I don't know where the entitlement or whatever happened to her. But at first I was like, oh man, maybe she was like abandoned and like found love through animals that she never got or whatever. And then now I'm just like, dude, I hate this bitch. Is she going to be a story where these animals turn on her?
Speaker 1:So, and that's the thing, like even the second episode, man, they get into this about this chimp and I don't want to spoil it if you have not seen it yet, but like there was a point, I looked at Matt and I'm looking at this chimp because after like the five to six year mark of these animals, that's when they start like really growing up, right, and I was like man that like it wasn't that he, like he was terrifying, right, but like he looked. This chimp just looked scared and scary, like because he was such a big dude you know what I'm saying like. But it's just I don't know man, this shit's nuts, this shit's nuts, it's. It's interesting. So yeah, but I mean I just don't understand people who house exotic animals and it these animals are supposed to be in the wild, in their natural habitat, and these animals majority of these chimps that you will see when you watch this documentary and if you can't, if you don't have hbo, just sign up for it for a month, please.
Speaker 1:Well, who has any? Like it's like people who like house like poisonous snakes, like exotic snakes are like I understand the birds, like those like parrots and stuff. They're beautiful, like I get that. I've been following a couple of accounts on TikToks where they take these exotic birds and they just let them fly Like it's cool. This guy takes his bird and on his motorcycle he has them on his shoulder and then all of a sudden this parrot starts taking flight. It's pretty cool.
Speaker 1:But I don't understand like the poisonous, the venomous shit that people collect. I'm like that is weird, that is reckless, like why I don't know Half of it's illegal, you can't even have it and I just don't understand the appeal. I mean, I have problems with my French bulldog, you know what I mean. That is all I could handle. Like we're not getting into, like poisonous snakes and spiders and rats, and all Right, and I love all animals, but they have a place and it's not in somebody's bedroom, no, but like and that's the thing too, which you will see this woman's house, like even to this other chick, connie, who was the ringleader of breeding all of these chimps that you learn about in episode one and selling them. You're looking at her house and you know what I just kept thinking of I wonder how that fucking smells in there. That was my because I'm listen when I worked in the pain clinic.
Speaker 1:There are two things you can smell off of a person One, hoard. Two, when they smell like they live in a barn. I just died when you said hoard, it's true, it is true. And so then that's like, when I'm like looking at this chick's house, I'm like what does that smell like? Because you have these, you're just letting chimps run around and it can't smell nice. See, you're going toore it on a person next time. I'm telling you. You let me know. Are you still there? Where did you disassociate.
Speaker 1:In this conversation I said there's no stage in my life where I would be smelling whore, like, oh well, and I next time we hang out I'll just sniff around some people and point we go shopping. That's also a mental illness too. Like those like that, those hoarding shows. I can't watch that shit because I'm like, oh man, that's like sad and these people get so connected to like a poly pocket where they just like cannot throw it away and it's like it's a mental, it's a disorder, it really is. And then they just like get swallowed up in their house by their things. Like I watched one episode of that because my sister and I love, love, love the show Intervention for years and then like Hoarders would come on after and I was like one time I was like, oh, I'll check out this show and I was like fucking nope, never again, it was too much for me. Wow, it is very sad, but there's a smell to Hoarders.
Speaker 1:I'm just letting you know that Heard Understood my shark nose, heard, understood my shark nose. My sister does have like she can pick up a scent on anything and her shark nose is always going Like she gets pissed. So I love my whole life. I love perfume, right, love perfume. And every time this bitch she's like I can just smell your perfume, like, yeah, bitch, that's the point of perfume, to smell it. And it smells nice. Not like I'm out here dousing myself in like 1982 body spray, like, excuse you, I always say you're welcome. Like you're welcome. Smells nice, oh, man, I just. But this is how I know, okay, this is how I know about the hoard smell.
Speaker 1:When I worked in the pain clinic, I think I made a total of like 14, no, like $1,300 a month working there, so I had to pick up an extra job and that was before I went back to bartending and so I cleaned the one of the doctors I worked for. I cleaned her mother's house and her accountant's house. Okay, mother's house was like easy breezy. I walked into this accountant's house and I was like what in the flying fucking fajita? Oh, I forgot about this and this person was a hoarder, okay, okay. And that smell rang and my like burned my fucking nose hairs and it took me the first time to clean her place four hours. And I went back a month later and it was almost like it was in the same condition. I found it. So that's how I know what horde smells like huh, so don't let me in your head. You better douse yourself if you ever become a hoarder. I don't think I ever could.
Speaker 1:Oh man, all right, so, yeah, watch, please watch the chimp show. I do have to admit this to you, sissy and the good world matt and I started watching sopranos this week because matt only ever watched a couple episodes and so I was like, well, I'll watch it with you, because he's like, well, have you watched? Said yes, in real time, back in 99 through 2005. And is that when it was on? How do you know the timeline? Because I looked it up when we were watching it, because I was trying to explain to Matthew the impact of that show and at that time, because he's like I mean, this is kind of slow and I was like you've got to look at when this was made, because now we're so used to shows just being so fucking quick.
Speaker 1:But I have to admit I was like oddly attractive to Tony Soprano. What do you mean? Obviously, I thought about the girl, the real housewife, who had sex with him and admitted it on fucking television. I'm like I see how she had sex with Tony Soprano. Yeah, he was a GD dude. What do you mean? Everyone loved him. Oh shit, I did in 99 through 2005, apparently, for sure, tony Soprano, I think so.
Speaker 1:All right, that's all we have for our TV segment for you, good people of the world today. All right, so this was has come in through DMs and this is just what. And, too, when I ask like people, people, what are they struggling with? And we want to answer some of these. So these all came in in the month of August and we are ending this episode. This is the last episode of August of 2024, if you're listening in real time, so maybe you will hear one of these and it will help you. All right, sister, light them up. Yeah, okay, here's a good one, and I like where this is from. This is from Chili.
Speaker 1:To think about all the mistakes I made while drinking Love and strength to all From Chili. About all the mistakes I made while drinking love and strength to all from chili. So to think about that's something a person would be struggling with. To think about all the mistakes they have made while drinking. How would you help this person? I mean, there's nothing that you can do about the past. Mistakes were made and those were lessons for me, because I have made a lot of mistakes, so all I can speak from my experience.
Speaker 1:So where I've had to come to peace with myself is that was and a lot of people use the word like my journey, my journey. But everyone has their own path, everyone has their own journey, whatever you want to call it. So I just look at it as I don't have. I don't look at it as regrets, because that'll keep you in a negative headspace, I feel, and then I'll just make you like kind of resentful towards yourself, like, and then you just go down a rabbit hole of bad self-talk and coulda, shoulda, woulda and like that isn't even like an option. So to be even like having those thoughts, it's not conducive, it's not productive, it's not so it comes really to a place where you just have to forgive yourself and really look at the bad mistakes, the bad decisions that you made and learn from it.
Speaker 1:So to like stay in that thought process. It's like living in the past and that's not where we are in current timeline. So what actually good is that doing for you? It's just okay, I made that mistake and I'm going to try my hardest to not ever do that again. And what was the lesson out of it? That's kind of how I approach life now and look at it, because every day you can learn something new. Every day is a lesson. So what I have learned? That it's not good for my mental to stay on a loop with things I could have done differently in the past.
Speaker 1:I mean, if I was stuck in that mindset I would be like a miserable person. So it just it's not good for your mental health to think about it. Yes, obviously like heal from it, process it, but then like at some point it's time to move on and to get on with it. Yeah, there's an organization that I would attend, that I would go in there and sit, and it was just like people just I would listen to people just talk about the past, the past, the past, and it's like it just it wasn't good for my mental health because and people would just like hyper fixate on the past. But it's like dude, it's like if you, if you're sober and you've recovered from like addiction or mental health or whatever, and you're out here like living it and walking the walk, like what are we doing, talking about the past and like being so negative.
Speaker 1:So I feel like it's really like a mindset that you can get stuck in and obviously like addiction, I feel is like a thinking disease too. So like you get stuck in it and that is where you're going to stay and that's not a place like if you're getting sober and doing all this stuff, then why would you want to stay in a place where you were an active addiction? It's like you just got to get through it. You got to get through it and then also, too, to change the mindset around to all the Silver Podcasts. Take a break and now start focusing on like okay, I'm going to work on my mindset, right, and start getting in some positive mindset work or something, and maybe put yourself into an activity where there's like-minded people around you, or just people who want to do something fun people around you, or just people who want to do something fun, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:Or just like you said, like switch up your literature to like some personal development or to some like motivational speakers or some TED talks or some. It doesn't have to be all like sobriety content, just like fucking shoved down your throat, because there's other. There's a lot of great content out there to like gain inspiration from. So it's like maybe switch it up to where or do like there's these like cool, like workbooks. You can find where you're like like healing your inner child or doing shadow work or some stuff, where you can like actually like write it down and process and work through it and really just like forgive yourself, because that wasn't the if you're in addiction you're obviously active addiction. You're not in your clear mindset and yeah, fuck, yeah, mistakes are going to be made. So, yep, they sure are, but it doesn't mean you're a bad person. It just means you weren't thinking clearly because you were chemically enhanced in some way, shape or form and that is going to skew your fucking decision-making.
Speaker 1:So, moving on, moving on. Okay, this is a good one. I miss drinking. It makes me sad to be sober. I miss drinking. It makes me sad to be sober. Yeah Well, that is a fuck me.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, that's a long relationship that you had. That's like breaking up with a bestie or a husband. It's a breakup. So, however long you were in addiction, that's what you were used to and that cocktail gave you life and made you forget and disassociate and not have to deal, and sometimes it gave you the best of times where you're out like having a ball, and sometimes it bring you to the worst of times because there's a reason why you had to quit drinking and it wasn't helping out your lifestyle. So with that it's a breakup. You got to mourn it and you got to. You got to get through it. So that is one where it just takes time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and being being sad is honestly part of the process and I think a lot of people go through it and you just you got to be sad and there's nothing wrong with being sad, right Like. So it's an emotion and we have it, and you got to feel the feels and keep remembering why you quit drinking, because that sadness is only going to last for a certain amount of time. So that's just something somebody's got to go through and work through that sadness. I went through sadness, for sure. That's why I really do. It's just something somebody's got to go through and work through that sadness. I went through sadness, for sure. That's why I really do. It's more of a grieving process than people realize, so just grieve it.
Speaker 1:How about this one sister Trying to find meetings that aren't like a therapy session? Trying to find meetings that aren't like a therapy session? Well, some people need meetings because they can't afford therapy, and that is their form of therapy, okay, but I'm going to say this because I obviously I can. I know who writes this, these, okay, and I know with this person I believe this person is in about. I think this person is almost three years sober. Okay, stop. I just want to put that context out there, and I want to say this that I do believe, and I agree with what you said there are some people who need the meetings.
Speaker 1:I do, though, agree that in the evolution of your sobriety, that in the evolution of yourself and getting into your new silver skin and being comfortable with that, that sometimes these meetings are now not serving a purpose for you, yes, and that people just stay in that because they think that that's what they should be doing. But then maybe, if you're feeling away like that, then maybe it's time for you to start seeking different avenues of what help that you're looking for at that time. Yeah, agreeing, right, okay. So, with that being said, again, if you don't and we don't know if this is for this person, for their own self, or they feel like other people are talking and they feel like they're listening to their therapy session, but this is where something to like this is where to. This is where coaching, like life coaching if that's where you're now looking for more like goal-oriented type of things to come and play could be handy. If you want to get out of the meetings, yeah, and I mean the options are endless now with what you can get involved with in the sober space. So empower yourself and do some research and it's just trying different things and it might be it's nerve wracking, getting out of a routine of what like from your first days of sobriety to where you're at now. But try something else Doesn't mean you have to abandon that. Just try different avenues, and that is okay because there's so many different groups and sober meetups and things that you can do that aren't. Just try something different and empower yourself because there's lots of options out there now. Yeah, amen, we've all been there.
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Speaker 1:I have been using Exact Nature for, I think at this point, a year and a half, maybe almost two years, for a long time. I use it every day and it has by far helped me with my mood. Again, exactnaturecom, enjoy Amen. So it says Suneh marks 96 days NA and I've decided it's time to rebuild my social life. Super nervous, 96 days of what NA? Mm-hmm, no, I'm going to guess that's no alcohol. Okay, that's great. Snap, snap, snap. We love that.
Speaker 1:96 days, yeah, just tread in those early days, just your social life. I would just say, be very mindful of who you're surrounding yourself with and just go slow and at your comfort level and if something's sometimes you got to get uncomfortable, to get comfortable. But also with addicts it's like a fine line, right, because sometimes it can like trigger you and push you over. Sometimes it can trigger you and push you over. So I would just say, tread very lightly and keep doing the work of what's keeping you sober day to day and just be very, very mindful. Yeah, agreed, being around friends who still drink and get high.
Speaker 1:I would say that depends on where you're at in your sobriety, yeah, yeah, because those early days, even to I mean that first 90, even that first year, sometimes for people, that first two years, that's a hard place to be. So and it all, yeah, and it depends on the person, because there's people who are very good at compartmentalizing yeah, I believe you and I can do that very well, and then there's people who are not, and so that is just a thing of personally, of, yeah, where you are at in your sobriety and if you can handle that. Yeah, because I don't mind being around people who are drinking. I just don't like being around people who are drinking, who have problems with it. That I've I've witnessed for majority of my life. That's old right and triggering, yeah, and it's just, it's stale and it's just like okay. But then being able to go to being around one of my best friends who gets, who gets ham boned at a goddamn oh my God, what was the name of Rod Stewart concert? Like to me that was fucking entertaining. Oh yeah, and she doesn't have a problem with alcohol. So it's like people can go out and have a good time. But it's like they're those people when they go home at night after they've had a few cocktails and go home and behave themselves and aren't, you know, attacking their partners or driving drunk or after some cocktails, immediately want to go to the trap. Like those, those people are cool, they can handle themselves. Or like a cocktail doesn't set them off on like a 10-day bender, like so I don't know Whatever people want to do in life, like it's fine, but if you being around it, if you can't handle it, it's going to trigger you and just make you give you a case of the buckets, then I do not recommend. No, no, it's time to just find people you feel safe around, if that is possible, of not being around people who are still getting drunk and getting high. Okay, next question Now that I don't get, now that I don't drink, I read, walk but feel that it's not enough, like I have to do more.
Speaker 1:So do more. What are you interested in? What's going to feed your soul? What do you like? It's just trying new things, like getting out there and just kind of, like I said, empowering yourself and being brave and do more.
Speaker 1:There's a whole life outside of drugs and alcohol. It's tough to navigate sometimes. It's not easy no one ever said it was. But reading and walking is great. You still do that. That's, I feel, like good for the mind you got to move and reading. That just empowers your mind and it's great it keeps it, especially after years of addiction. I feel like sitting down and focusing and reading on a page. I feel like that's good for your brain, like good brain exercise, because you might not have done that in active addiction. But yeah, do more. Get into like some sports, some golf, some pickleball, like going to the movies, going to some parks, going, getting in some meetup groups, getting in a book club where you're going to talk about it after like that's the next step of reading. There's tons of stuff out there.
Speaker 1:It's just like you also have to figure out, like okay, this is kind of like a new me, you're getting to know yourself again. So it's like what do I like? What do I like? Who the fuck am I? Where am I? What has happened? Like? It's like a whole, like the five W's who, what, where, why, when and how. I don't know why they ever put how, because that starts with H, but I think we learned that in Canada, courtney. But figure it out. Just who are you? What do you like? Take it back to when you were like a kid, like, even like, as, like a little girl or a little boy. Like what did I really like when I was a kid, before life became chaos for me? Like what, what did I like? And then take it back maybe to those hobbies.
Speaker 1:That's a good one. My daughter is 11 and has started to self-harm as a way to handle her emotions. My daughter is 11 and has started to self-harm as a way to handle her emotions. Oof, okay, well, I would say your daughter, what's going on? And we need to get her a little bit of help and maybe take her to a therapist and figure out what's going on at home where she feels she needs to be doing that.
Speaker 1:That's a tough one because there could be so many factors. Yeah, because that could even too. I mean nowadays with school, I don't know. I mean that one's sometimes these are hard. I will have to say, like when I do my Q&A too, on Monday nights, it's like some of them are hard because you don't know the backstory, right, but I did want to share that one. Yeah, it's hard, you don't know the backstory and what a person's been going through. So this is just where we have come from, but yeah, so definitely if you haven't talked to your daughter yet, I would talk to your daughter and just see what's going on. I mean, it could be like bullying at school. It could be like they're the bully and they're feeling like having remorse about it. It could be insecurity issues. Social media does not help. It's a tumultuous, dysfunctional house life, like there's a lot of factors sexual abuse there's a lot of factors why and specifically girls, self-harm. So that is just something where you need to get in tune with your child and really be present and figure it out and if you can't within the home, then I seek professional help because that's not for a little girl. That's sad, that's tough, so I'm sorry she's going through that. Yes, that one's a hard one.
Speaker 1:Not letting my mind wander to, is this worth it and get negative that's. I mean that one's going to go through your head a lot, especially that first year or two. That one's going to be at the forefront. Yeah, that's just part of the deal and that's also too like. That's also like chemicals and everything in your brain like calming down and your nervous system calming down and like you're getting sober and so you're just like getting activated all the time and you're putting substances into your body where your brain chemistry it's up, it's down, it's sideways, it's all around town. So it's like your brain and your body like really so with that comes like not healthy thought process. So it takes time for your everything in your body to like settle. So I would say daily affirmations and start your day off positive and just go from there and try. But yeah, the mind wanders. Of course it's like human nature. Of course it's not 100% all the time of rainbows and fucking butterflies. I mean my sister and I have our moments where we call and whatever's going on and I go through emotions. But I really try to have trained my brain where it's like I cannot go down that rabbit hole because of negativity and self-doubt and stuff, because it takes me down of negativity and self-doubt and stuff. Because it takes me down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there comes a part in a person's sobriety. There comes a part I'm not going to give you a timeframe because everybody is different, right, and it depends to the amount of work you do on yourself and the ways that you find coping and then getting into emotional sobriety and all of that. But there comes a point where it's no longer. Drugs and alcohol are no longer the option. It's not like, well, fuck it, I'm just going to go out there and drink, and I said that a lot those first two years. That isn't the case anymore because you're like I wouldn't do that. I'm five, six, seven years in. I don't have that desire, and that's just more of a response, right, because that's what I was so used to doing for so many years. So there does become a point where that's not the option anymore for you.
Speaker 1:It's that thing where your head has to catch up with the daily change you have made. It's no different than when I fucking birthed that human. And that's birth, that human birth. The dictator. And that nurse said to me where she's like your brain is going to take a minute to process what your body just did. It's the same thing when you quit using drugs and alcohol, you have to go through the process of catching up to what you're doing in real time. Process of catching up to what you're doing in real time Makes sense. Yeah, it makes sense. I don't. But also where it's where you said. It's not an option to drink. Everything's an option. Every day you wake up, you make a choice.
Speaker 1:So even after 20 years of recovery, people do find themselves in a relapse. So you always got to be very, very mindful of that. And then having self-doubt and negative headspace, that's not going to help your cause when it comes to having a peaceful life and recovery. So you just got to, yes, what you said, your brain has to catch up to it, because it's been like years of patterns and patterns and patterns and we as humans are like used to that, but like the option is always there. It's just if you take it or not on more of a positive mindset and start working on something else besides just not drinking that day. You know what I mean. Like again going and finding yourself new literature, maybe new things to do, surround yourself by some positive people Yep, if you're not doing that already, exactly yes, okay, here's another one.
Speaker 1:Another one figuring out how to respond to people that ask if I'm still doing this not drinking thing. Oh, sorry, that made me laugh because it's so rude, like it's so like unselfaware and just like fuck off. That would be my answer Go fuck yourself. This isn't a fucking phase, bro. I could die if I continue drinking the way that I was or using drugs the way that I was. So, yeah, I'm kind of doing like this thing called like a healthy life, fuck off. I get pissed with dumb people. Yeah, courtney, give them like a politically correct answer, because I don't want people telling people to fuck off in these streets because it's dangerous out here. But like good God man, what the fuck is wrong with people? Well, listen, I had somebody say that very similar to me those first couple of years. I had a sister-in-law tell me that she wished I still was drinking because she missed drinking with me.
Speaker 1:And at the end of the day, you have to understand with these people. It has nothing to fucking do, it has nothing to do with you. It's a them problem problem and it's their dysfunction coming out, it's their unawareness, it's their rudeness, it's they're not being educated to be like. Some people just don't have a filter. Some people just don't have a filter and that awareness of life and they're not sensitive and down with it because they're fucking sociopaths inside. Yeah, like, hey, I know you're on a path where you were like doing this thing that was like so self-harming and like you're like really like eventually we're going to kill yourself, but are you still doing that thing where you're not doing the thing that's just going to end your life? Like what in the fuck? And where they're currently out there in their life and what is present? Because a person who says that to you most likely has an issue with the substance themselves. Yeah, just projection. It's just projection because you're now a mirror to them. And it's just like, too, if you were fucking in the mud with pigs, they're going to want that constantly from you. So people don't like it when you get the fuck out of the mud.
Speaker 1:That was a terrible analogy. I didn't know where you were going with that, but it made sense, or what? That beast, that one lady. She said if you sit and shit too long, it's going to stop smelling, so come the fuck out of there. Who said that? That?
Speaker 1:Jennifer Lawrence, she's like a Tony Award winning. She's wild, she's a little bit older but she's a beast. I love her because she just doesn't. She does not give a shit and she's sober. She had a sex addiction and she had a little bit of problem with alcohol, so she'll talk about it. But yeah, she loved men and she's like when I got off of stage she's like I was addicted to the adrenaline and the limelight, but she did say she said if you sit in shit for too long, it stops smelling, so come the fuck out of there, right? So that was the analogy. It's just basically said there's going to be people who don't want you healthy. They do not want you healthy and that is because they are not healthy. And that is where then, with people who are like, you got to start cultivating new relationships with people somehow and people who are healthy. And as you get healthy, you will start attracting healthier people into your life. That's the process, but it will start happening. You just have to give it time, but still at the end of the day I just would hit it back to them.
Speaker 1:I had a guy be like what do you do for fun? I'm like, what do you do for fun? I do a lot of things for fun and listed off things that I did for fun. And what you do for fun is you come to this bar every Friday night, play the same internet jukebox songs, drink the same goddamn beer and fucking go into a blackout every Friday. That is what you do for fun. So you just you know again, it's not a judgment, it's an observation and you just got to keep rolling with the punches because people will say some ignorant stuff. Yes, okay, being lonely and wanting to drink, yeah, that was tough. You just you can't. You got to find a fair if you're not comfortable with yourself yet, and that's where you reach out, that's where you go to a meeting, that's where you find a sober group, that's where you I don't know it's like it's also that's a tough one too, cause like that's your comfort level and where you're at in your sobriety. But you definitely like reach out to a network and if it's, you're sitting in solitude and you're sobriety and like you got to, you got to find a network and a support group, yeah, and I did.
Speaker 1:I have a podcast series about this, about overcoming loneliness, because there's two things, too, that happen in here. Are you? This is what you have to ask yourself are you legit lonely Like you don't have anybody around, right, like there's nobody around? There's that type of loneliness, and then there's an emotional loneliness. That that is something you have to figure out and I think that people get that feeling and I did myself in those first couple years and I had to realize I had felt lonely even before my active addiction, like I felt lonely in childhood. So that was something I had to work on of healing and filling that void, because I had to look at myself in my sobriety. It's like, oh no, I have people around me, right, Like I'm not physically lonely. It's just this feeling I've carried around for a long time that I had to work on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's where you have to figure out, like, what type of loneliness are you talking about here? But so if you and a lot too let's go on the physical loneliness side of this it's like, are you isolating people? Because a lot of the time we do that to ourselves? Yeah, so you, you have to figure out what. What type of lonely are you? Um, okay, we'll do one more. This one is a good one progressing my healing, I can stay sober, but that's basically all I can do right now. Then if that's all you can do and that's the point where you're at just then keep doing that. Yes, that is good enough for today. Yeah, because it is a process, and then that will get easier over time. But if that's all you can do, then that's a good day. So don't look at it as a negative, look at it as a positive, because every day you stay sober, that's a closer day to like a new goal. So if that's all you can do, then that's great, perfect, yeah.
Speaker 1:And so many think that they have to be doing the most and like, honestly, it's just that first year, those first couple of years for some, if all you can do, if staying sober is all you can do, that day, that's all you can do. That's all you can do. Yeah, there are some days where that's all I can do because, like, life is not easy and this shit is not, it's not a game mat and when it's like some days, I need to take a break from like the spiritual healing, from the worrying about my sleep from the end, just like go with the day and today's just going to be one of those days where it's like I just we're trying to do the most, or going down to the nonprofit Cause it's like good for my soul, or doing this or doing that, trying to be like the best employee, like some days like no, I can't do any of it today, so I'm just going to like sit quiet in my peace and like that is good enough for me and that's what my soul needs for the day and I'm not going to feel bad about it. I'm done feeling bad about that shit anymore and like feeling like I need to be out here, like doing the most, like proving shit to people, like those days are over, over. And there's a lot too, because some people and then it's easy to take on other people's projections of what you think like what they tell you or what you think they're thinking that you should be doing because there are people who can't sit still, and and if you are in, you think they're thinking that you should be doing because there are people who can't sit still, right, and if you are in that first year and you are paying your bills, you're showing up to your job and you're going home and putting yourself to bed at seven o'clock because that is what's easy for you that day, then that is perfectly fine and you have the permission to do so.
Speaker 1:We live in a society now, today, where there's social media. It's very easy to fall in the the comparison trap with that again. We have television shows that are so fucking fast-paced where your husband is like this is slow, right, this is riveting, right, this was riveting TV in 99. Right, and developing a crush on T-Soprano. I already had one, but with just the instant gratification I mean, we can order something, and now it shows up in our house within a fucking hour time, like it's just.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you just got to take it back to the fucking 80s. Like you went to work, came home, watched one television show and then you went to bed, yeah, and not having to do the most all the time. And that's where everybody has to. You have to trust the process of your journey you just do and the process of what healing looks like, and that healing some days is just going to work and coming home and going to bed and not using or drinking that day. Yeah, I mean hell, that's what I did the last two days. I had people calling me Kim, let's go here, let's go there, inviting me to stuff, and I was like it was a long week at work. It was a long week in general and I for years, for 25 years, I didn't ever stay home Nowhere and I'm really like enjoying, like being at home now and just like relaxing and reading and putting on a record and fucking around with my dog and just like I.
Speaker 1:Now I'm like at a spot at 44 where it's like I don't have to be out here, being like a social butterfly, a scene stir bitch, doing the most, popping up here, popping up there, doing you know, I'm also in the service industry, as we all know, and so like doing the most. Like my nervous system the last couple of days was a little on edge, so I stayed at home. I think I left the house a couple of times and really just like enjoyed sitting at home. I think I left the house a couple times and really just like enjoyed sitting at home, lighting some candles, putting an incense on, but I also have not been that person for my whole life, like I'm always out and about. So now it's like I can finally just sit and relax and sit in my peace.
Speaker 1:And then I'm getting like text messages where there's some points I'll put my phone on do not disturb, because people will kind of like, not shame me, but be like dude, what do you do? Like there's this event. Then I'm like I don't want to. I'm sitting at home. You guys, go do your thing. And now I'm at the point where I don't have like that FOMO, that fear of missing out. So like, go do your thing. You guys are young, that's what you should be doing. Like I have lived 20 lifetimes. I've been there, done that. I can tell you in my head exactly how that event's going to look and I'm chilling. I don't feel like going out and being like a fucking character today and doing the most. I'm fine.
Speaker 1:Staying home yeah, this past weekend I had some more purging and decluttering to do and I had that thought this weekend. It's like it's very interesting because I didn't used to be home all the time, right, but in the past since 2020, it took a turn. Oh, I think that happened to a lot of people. Well, yes, right, it took a turn. Oh, I think that happened to a lot of people. Well, yes, right, and then, but then after, after 2020, going into 2021 I was I was home, bed rest, right, and then when you have a child that first year I was telling that to brandy this morning I'm like I said, it's not like you're running around with a newborn, right. I was like, and for him being born into 2021, we were still in the pandemic time, so I was like so I've just been home a lot and something I hadn't been used to for a very long time.
Speaker 1:So I'm creating in the past, this past year of creating more systems in my house where, because I'm home, so much like I have to change on my home and making it work, since I live in these spaces more than I have ever before. Right, and I once heard something that a friend told me about when he became a homeowner. He was like I just don't get it. He was like you spend all of this money for your mortgage. You might as well stay home and enjoy it, and like that. That thought came in this weekend where I was like, man, he was really on to something a couple of years back.
Speaker 1:Yes, but yeah, there's nothing in that fight that people do with themselves of being like I should be doing this, all right, I need to be out, and this is what I used to be, this is what I used to do. You are not living in that space anymore. When you make the decision to go through a, when you're changing your lifestyle and then you have to rediscover who you are in this state of your life and today you're not rediscovering who that person was 15 years ago You're not living in that state, so you have to be like okay, what's this Courtney? Like right, like so for me, like I need fucking systems at my house. So there's just not bullshit laying around everywhere.
Speaker 1:I'm decluttering because I've been finding stuff where it was like I shit you, not these fucking cookie cutters I was going to buy for the dictator's lunches, to make him little cut up sandwiches to put in his lunchbox. He's going to preschool next week, oof, and I had them in my Amazon cart and I'm going through fucking cleaning out this cabinet and I fucking found those exact goddamn same cookie cutters. Yeah, so you didn't have to double buy them, but if I didn't go through that, I would have double bought them and had like no clue. So I don't know. There's just a lot of stuff I found this weekend where I was like I don't remember buying this Anyhow, so I don't know where the point I was going to get at.
Speaker 1:But it's just okay, it's okay to stay home, it is okay to stay home. But I like home. But what was good for me, which I haven't done in the past, I've like double booked myself and say yes and yes because I don't want to say no. And now I just say no, no, I'm staying home, I'm good because I would like people, please, and then not, you know what I mean. And then. But so it's like, and then it's less stress, I don't have to worry about like where I pick, where I'm going when I really just want to stay home and then like force myself to go do something I don't want to do, like no, now it's just like being in your mid forties is great because you really just don't give a fuck. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Like no, thank you, I'll show up when I want to. I've earned the right after all of these years and I'm going to do what I'm going to do.
Speaker 1:So if it doesn't work for you, I am so sorry, but it works for me, like even it kind of with Courtney I had to tell her just so I didn't bail, because I made the mistake before. But they were going out here to Greenfield Village but they were getting up and going at like nine. Well, I work Tuesday through Saturday, sometimes Monday through Saturday, five or six days a week, and by the time it's Saturday night, sunday I'm, it's Sunday morning, I'm tired. So I said like the morning does not work for me on Sundays, but after CJ's nap it does. So they went and did their thing and they went and came and stopped by at the pool. I was sitting out there and but then it was like it's not, like I fell through with plans, so I feel guilty. My sister's pissed, matt thinks I'm a loser, and then CJ's disappointed because he didn't get to see his favorite person besides his parents.
Speaker 1:So it worked out, because now I have like the where-all to like. This is where I'm at. I need my sleep. You know what I mean. It's like boundaries and then just like staying true to yourself, and then you cut out all the bullshit. It's working out well for me. Yeah, I mean, but you were honest and I just think it's like okay, this is the capacity, like right now, with where he's at, and again with like his nap schedule, like, and that's the whole thing, that's where we're at, right. So it's just like, okay, catch each other on the flip, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:But in the past I would like either like sacrifice my sleep or not show up, or you know what I mean. It's like you can just like cut all of that out if you're just like, okay, like this is what's working for Courtney's dynamic right now the baby's on sleep schedule. That's because right now the baby's on sleep schedule. That's because of that. And then this is where I'm at, because I work nights, a full-time job, and so like schedules are just like a little bit different and that's okay. It's okay and it's like and you get it because you were in the service industry for so long and you know how those I mean Sundays it's like it takes a big event to get me out of the house because I prefer to stay home and just relax and not deal with humans, because I dealt with so many throughout the week.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're about to deal with humans on Sunday, sissy. Oh yeah, we got CJ's birthday party. Mm-hmm, a little dictator, which is fine, that's for my nephew. Obviously, I'm showing up, but it is what it is. Ooh, I need to go get some coffee. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 1:Well, this was a good talk. I hope it helped. Those questions we answered. Again, I like to do the Q&A. We like to do the Q&A every couple months, so I think it's good. Keep sending them, keep sending them. We'll do another one in October, libra season, our favorite time of year, libra season and then we're off in November.
Speaker 1:Well, we're not off, the podcast isn't off, but you and I are off to that sweet city of Orlando. My sister, we're going to Courtney's favorite place on Earth, walt Disney World. Also, too, this is where I forgot, because I almost forgot to do it. But we are trying again. Third time's the charm, and if it doesn't work out this time, then I'm not going to try it again.
Speaker 1:But we will have the opportunity to travel with my sister and I on April 6th for a four-day retreat-ish style down in Costa Rica. So I'm going to put the information in the show notes below. But this is really more relaxing vibes, spa type of an experience With Trova Trip, they told me on this one. They get a lot of good responses to it. So it will be a day of some spa-ish stuff and then the second day it will be a free day and then we'll do two workshops while we're there and all the information, again, is included. So everything is included, minus a couple meals in your flight, but transportation is included a couple meals in your flight, but transportation's included, the hotel, and I think that there are five meals and those workshops are included.
Speaker 1:So come, travel with my sister and I to Costa Rica. Costa Rica, I'm there, let's do this. So it's in April, I believe the date is April 6th. So, again, if you have any questions, reach out. There's been two people who have signed up so far, so the minimum is eight people, max 20 people, but the first eight who sign up get that discount of saving $200 on the trip. So it's an early bird discount.
Speaker 1:So check it out, come join us and we're going to have a rip-roaring good time. Yeah, you guys can watch me throw rainforest mud at my sister. That's going to be fun Just slinging around. Yeah, she's going to sling it around like those chimps throw shit at fucking human beings From that documentary. Okay, so if anyone watches that doc on HBO, slide into our DMs and let us know what you think it's jarring. Oh yeah, or text the show, because there's got to be an episode three, because episode two I was just like, oh my goodness, gracious Right, how that one ended. It will shock you. It will shock you, all right. Well, thank you for listening and if you haven't already, please rate, review and subscribe to the show. All right, I love you all so very much. Keep on trucking and kick some ass today.
