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Sober Vibes Podcast
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Sober Vibes Podcast
LOTE: Narcissism and Parents, Part 3
Episode 199:LOTE: Narcissism and Parents, Part 3
In episode 199 of the Sober Vibes podcast, it's LOTE week, which means Courtney Andersen and Kim Elledge are here with a new episode of the Livin on the El-ledge series. The Sisters discuss Narcissism in this three-part series.
Part Three is about Narcissism and Parents
What you will learn in this episode:
- Kim's and Courtney's Upbirnging
- Dealing with Emotionally Unavailable Parents
- Boundaries with Parents
- Understanding the process of healing from one and how it will take time
This episode is not medical advice. Kim and Courtney aim to empower you with knowledge and support, encouraging awareness and setting healthy boundaries on this often challenging path to emotional freedom.
Books mentioned in this episode.
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This is Courtney. This is Kimberly. You are listening to the show within the show. Living on the L-Edge. Come live with us.
Speaker 2:We're talking about the road to recovery and sobriety and how to vibe and maintain a happy and healthy lifestyle.
Speaker 1:Hey, welcome to the Silver Vibes podcast. Slash L-O-T-E that would be Living on the L-Edge If you're new here. You are listening to episode 199 and Kimberly and I are back. Kimberly is my sister, I am her sister, she is older, and we are back to bring you a part three of our narcissism series Because one, the response from you was great and a lot of people said I had a mom or a dad who was narcissists. So we just won and we forgot to tell a very good story, because I know that you're all sitting there and being like oh man, poor Kimberly, which rightfully, she went through hell and back, but Kim did get that fucker back in the greatest way possible.
Speaker 2:Sister, you just try your best. I know you are a savage at heart. Sometimes that inner beast comes out. You just can't help yourself. When you really at your core are a fucking animal and people just don't know who in the fuck they're playing with.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So we forgot to drop this story because I thought about it afterwards I was like, oh my God, we didn't even tell them about art therapy and still to this day, one of my best friends is that's the greatest kim story ever. She was like almost pissed her pants because she was laughing so hard when I sent that to her and then she sent it to her so stark. So we wanted to share this story and kind of just retouch on if you have a narcissistic parent, because a lot of episode one and two was about being in a relationship with one and how that looks. So we wanted to touch base with parents, since there was a response to having a narcissistic parent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's talk about the parents first and then we'll if you've listened to the podcast before, our series, our stories from the streets. That's when we just talk about the parents first and then we'll if you've listened to the podcast before, our series, our stories from the streets. That's when we just talk about being fucking animals and sometimes what pops off in these streets. We'll, at the end, give my story from the street.
Speaker 2:But definitely dealing with everything starts from somewhere. So we like our products of our parents, products of our environment, and when you sit back and think and you're like God, it's sometimes for me personally, and Courtney too, it's hard to grapple with. Sometimes where it's like the two people who decided to bring you into this world and made the decision of having a child. It hurts sometimes knowing that the people who are supposed to love you and protect you the most are the first people who truly hurt your feelings and struck that first wound. So doing some inner child work and stuff, I've definitely grappled with that and it's hard when it's the cycle has continued and finally for my sister and I we're in our 40s and finally have Courtney, longer than me, has put down some serious like boundaries, but still gets her fucking feelings hurt from time to time because she is a human being, you guys. She's not such a stone cold bitch. She's got feelings, this one.
Speaker 1:And I've shared too and I've done my solo episodes, especially about being a mom those wounds have been reopened. I definitely was able to tuck them away and just work on them and be fine. And then, when you have a kid, these motherfucking wounds open back up and you're like, oh my.
Speaker 2:God yeah, because you're probably looking at that young little dictator, that sweet little commie, and like just think about yourself at that age and it's wow. Or when he's a teenager and I could never let my child go through something like this or treat him a certain type of way or not help his emotional needs or just abandon him it just. And then you think about it. I'm sure I don't have children, but I can understand where that would be like triggering at times. And just even the nurturing that you give CJ I tell you all the time you're a fabulous mother and the energy and the love and the nourishing that you put into CJ is like it's cool to watch. So, as much as I like watching him, I really do enjoy what you and Matthew are doing as parents, because you guys are pretty fucking locked in.
Speaker 1:Thank you enjoy what you and Matthew are doing as parents, because you guys are pretty fucking locked in. Thank you. I would like to share the story about how going back to parents and how they're like the first ones to hurt your feelings, and I don't know if I've shared this, if I'm repeating myself, I don't care. We're at 199 episodes. It's a pretty big, pretty big deal. 99 episodes, it's a pretty big deal.
Speaker 1:So when I started potty training the dictator, I then was in the process. In those couple of days I did the three-day potty training for three days in a row. But you're always potty training, especially in that first year or two. So when, in the midst of this potty training, I had a memory that I had not thought of in a very long time and it was kind of one of my first memories and I wet the bed, so I was like three or four, okay, I wet the bed and my dad came in to wake me up, to go to preschool and to get up, and I didn't want to get out of bed and I said that I had a hang headache, that I didn't feel you almost said hangover.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had a headache and I didn't feel good and I didn't want to go to school. And he said to me to get up and then discovered that I peed the bed and his response to me was that he was pissed, that he was angry that I wet the bed. Okay, so this is like a child's first memory, but the fact that I sat there and lied to this man at three, four years just shows you what type of conditioning was going on, because I was scared of him. So now to go through that like I've never, even when my sweet little, even when my sweet little muffin pooped his pants at Red Lobster.
Speaker 1:Oh my God dude, what the fuck bro that was wild and I had to clean all of that up in the bathroom of Red Lobster, which was fine, right. I could never imagine getting mad at him and having that big of physical response to somebody, to a child, peeing the bed, and then, now that that is one of my first memories that I held onto for a very long time, stopped and didn't think about it for years upon years, right. And then now having to potty train. When I potty trained him back in the springtime, it was like you, son of a bitch.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yikes, and it wasn't like that. It's more of. What pisses me off is the conditioning that you were afraid and didn't feel safe to tell him, like we were supposed to just be perfect.
Speaker 1:And that's the whole robots. Yeah, and that's what's really fucked up, because it's dude that again, this is at three or four years old of me remembering this. It's.
Speaker 2:I don't know how you remember this shit, bro, Like it is fucking crazy. Your memory is Bravo. I, as we talked about. I also don't care if I repeat myself, but I, I have to. I I really do love. I fuck with Courtney, with her memory. She's like some idiot savant, like rain man, but I do appreciate that she does have like the memory, because I suppress so many from trauma from childhood. So it's like certain things I just can't, I just don't remember, and then I feel like a different form of brain man it's, I just can't remember. So Courtney remembering that, I don't know, I just it's weird how brains work. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you have trauma brain, so it protects you, I'm sure. But even when I got sober man, there would be times where in even a couple years end, I would then remember something from my active addiction days where it was really unsafe some sexual assault and I'm like fuck, it was almost like you were living in it and PTSD. It was like this was 20 years ago, right. Just, that's just the trauma brain, I believe, what happens. And then in these moments of clarity, you remember, but that one about peeing the bed definitely had always stuck with me for some time, because it's one of your first memories and of a person you're supposed to like, trust and feel safe, and they're pissed off at you because you peed the bed.
Speaker 1:Do you know that some kids pee the bed up until they're like eight, nine, 10 years old because there is a hormone in their brain that does not develop yet and takes later time, like some kids have to take medicine for it, and it's the hormone that, like, would wake them up to be like you got to go to the bathroom, yeah, and it's just like dude at the end of the night. It's just a little pee, like people drink their pee now, because it's supposed to be like one of the best things for you. I know it sounds disgusting, but it's supposed to be very good for like hydration and stuff.
Speaker 2:No, I heard that too and I was like I was listening to a podcast and I said well, what did this motherfucker? Just say, Like I had to rewind it and it's like a thing, it's a thing.
Speaker 1:And then some people are putting pee on their face to clear up acne. Yeah, it doesn't surprise me. So when I was potty training, even in that book it was like don't get freaked out by pee. Pee is actually very clean. And I was like oh, it's still fucking, still gross.
Speaker 2:But yeah, because it filters through your kidneys and stuff. I get it. But I, yeah, because it filters through your kidneys and stuff, I get it. But I don't think I'll be drinking piss anytime soon. I'll just be doing these electrolyte packets you give me.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying People who have the fetish with being peed on. I do not understand what if somebody is very dehydrated and their pee just reeks?
Speaker 2:And it looks like just a cup of ramen noodle soup broth. Yuck, yuck, and that's your sexual turnoff.
Speaker 1:So okay, so, yeah, so that is with the parents and again I referenced it, I believe, in part two. But there is a wonderful book. If you are struggling with your parents and it's adult children of emotionally I don't know, wait unemotionally available parents. It will be in the link in the show notes. You can check it out. That's a good one, because once I read that I was like my mind was like it blew up, because I'm like this makes so much sense and it sets such a boundary of doesn't even set a boundary, it's the expectations of oh, these people are just emotionally numb, yeah, and like even too, we've had some things. My sister and I have had some things recently that have transpired between with my parents separately and Kim and I-.
Speaker 2:Separately, but same but the same.
Speaker 2:It's so uncanny. It's two people who have pitted their kids against each parent their whole lives, just like it's. It's like war of the fucking roses, bro. It's crazy with these two. They just hate each other but they are so much the same that it's crazy. So then I started looking. I was like, oh, like you guys like hate yourselves because, like you can see, like they see like that version of each other in each other. And it's just like.
Speaker 2:It's real uncanny to watch, like I'm like huh, like just when things just start making sense and clicking and I'm sure it comes also with age, it comes with understanding, like generational trauma and like psychology and the whole bullshit, and then you trying to get healthy and going on, some sort of spirituality coming into play and when you just see things for what it is, it's just huh, it's been inspiring in a sense where it's oh, I can fucking breathe, like not saying it's right, how, for me and my sister I'm speaking like for things that happened to us and you know how our parents are as human beings, but it just it starts to make sense where you can actually take the emotion out of it and wrap your fucking brain around.
Speaker 2:It Doesn't mean, it's not hurtful Doesn't mean it's not you didn't you wish that they were better and tried to be better in some cases, which in some cases, they've tried, but it's only to their capacity. That's all that they are capable of. So you just really have to manage your expectations. And it really does suck when it is your actual parents. Courtney and I say it all the time we're super blessed to still have them alive and around, but Lay back down.
Speaker 1:Colin.
Speaker 2:Oh, dictator's trying to get up in the middle of town in the middle of the pod. Courtney's. I'll commentate here. Courtney's talking to him through his little camera and I'm sure he hears his tt and his mama talking and this guy wants to be in the mix. Always he is in the mix.
Speaker 1:He also, too, got into our bed at 1 am last night and then he actually this was the first time ever at nighttime he leaked completely through his nighttime undies is what I call them. It's just a nighttime diaper. And then he was talking for two hours. I was like dude go to bed. And he didn't want to go back into his room. Of course I changed him. But, oh God, I'm like dude go to bed. And he didn't want to go back into his room. Of course I changed him. But, oh God, it's all I'm like. Aren't you tired? This toddler energy is beyond.
Speaker 2:OK, go on, Toddler boy energy, yeah, ok. So then this comes full circle of what just happened last night. Like instead of Courtney being a dick, and my sister at a certain time, when she gets tired, like she gets when Courtney yeah, when Courtney has a button and when she's fed up. There's even been times on the FaceTime where it's like I go outside and like the Wi-Fi and she'll just get frustrated because I'll be like freezing instead of like just holding on for two seconds to wait for me to go back in my house so my Wi-Fi can relink. She just gets pissed. Just call me when you're in the house. I'm like Jesus Christ. And then she just hangs up and I'm like I'm not calling that bitch for nothing. We'll talk tomorrow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the fact that she doesn't lash out again and she's human, we're all human. But doesn't look at him and try to condition him to not do something and be perfect, and he's just let him be. And for us, like we always say, like before my parents got divorced, like our parents, we didn't go without anything, but there were expectations on us. My parents were from the South and we needed to make them look good, so we had to be perfect. At a dinner table. We had to be perfect. At parties, we had to fucking always look at the Ralph Lauren catalog of how we were dressed and there was really no individualism and it was picturesque and that's just what my parents wanted to portray and there was no room for stepping out of line when the manners were spot on. Yes, ma'am, no, ma'am, and we're from the South, like all of my siblings, were born in the South. My parents are from the South. So definitely how we were raised. I can appreciate manners, but there is no room for error.
Speaker 1:There wasn't.
Speaker 2:At all.
Speaker 1:There wasn't. If you said fuck, you would swear a word, you would get the soap in the mouth if we acted out of line. The soap in the mouth if we acted out of line. And this I can't. Even the conditioning to be like just be able to sit there at Chi Chi's and Roe Lobster and Olive Garden. You guys were taken back to the eighties and nineties. Okay, to sit there, and we were going to, and we sat there and it was like if you started acting amok, our mom would look at us and be like, do you need to go to the bathroom? And it was just one look. Do you want to go?
Speaker 2:to the bathroom and tangle.
Speaker 1:Oh, was that what she said?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, I remember that She'd be like you need to go to the bathroom and tangle, and that means she was going to fuck you up in the bathroom and it was just. It never got to that point, but it was just like.
Speaker 1:But the conditioning of one person saying like a line, like that, and again, I hope that sharing this is everybody, I believe, has some type of not everybody, but I believe, majority of people, especially our generation, the generation above us and some below us, right I because the parenting is a little bit different nowadays, but if you had a boomer parent, I think this is going to, yeah, you're going to really resonate with this conversation, because it was of that generation, of we are dealing with a generation who does not have the emotional capacity also too, because I look at it as generational thing also too, because they were raised by stone-cold killers, people who lived through a Great Depression, people who signed up willingly to go fight three wars.
Speaker 1:Right, and our grandfather was a Sergeant Major in the Marine Corps. This man was in Pearl Harbor, for Christ's sakes, I think he served. He got the Purple Heart dude, yeah, so there's some things. When my mother talks about her childhood, I look at it because a lot of the times I'm like I don't know what's real and what's not, where I just look at it from his position of fuck dude. This man swam with sharks as the water was on fire.
Speaker 1:Let's just take a look at that, because nowadays we have we empathize with soldiers of what they have done. So it's like looking back at that it's okay Not saying it's right, but the times are just different. So they were raised by Stone Cold Killers. And then you take that generation and I truly do believe because if you talk with people across the board who are children of boomers, majority of them had this sweet, loving relationship with their grandparents I think the greatest generation, their second chance, was their grandkids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, give them that love and that nurturing, because that's what I experienced, that's what you experienced and many, many people of my gal pals and Matt experience with his grandparents.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we were to add to go run to our grandparents to take solace for the menaces that they raised. So I think they were given a do over with their grandkids of generation X and around with with ours. Yeah, when you sit back and just take a look at it, but it's still okay. So you understand what's going on. But then it's like the. Then there's like the reality and the emotion and then the attachment to your parent and you gotta fucking figure out like the fine line there. And then you're dealing with, you know, parents with addictions and who both have personality traits like narcissists and it's it's a very interesting way to move and you gotta figure out how to move with them. And it's just um, courtney and I, still it's like a push-pull with them. It's like you give them an inch, they take a mile, and then you put down boundaries and then they say okay, and then the next month they're just on back on some fuck shit.
Speaker 2:So I definitely have come to the conclusion with our parents specifically that they're not changing. They are who they are. God bless them. They tried their best. They really did with the tools that they had, and the 80s were a no-nonsense era. People were just like out here doing the most, and my parents definitely got caught in that, caught up in that. And then post-divorce, it was just like war of the roses, so we were used as pawns and it just it makes it very confusing when you want to start to get like healthy and understanding. Oh, this is why I subscribe to certain relationships, this is why this fucking feels healthy for me, because that's what I shown. Love was oh, you get called a cunt. That's normal. What do you mean? You know what I mean. So then it's just like realizing that these things are not normal and that you don't deserve it and where do you go from there?
Speaker 1:Where do you go? Where did you go from there? Courtney, listen, I will say that my husband, paul, is a good guy. So when him and I started dating, I was still in my active relationship with alcohol and then, coming out of it, I will say it felt very uncomfortable to be with a good man.
Speaker 2:He's a good man.
Speaker 1:Right, but it's true.
Speaker 2:He's a good man, samana it's.
Speaker 1:That was uncomfortable for me for a while.
Speaker 2:I mean even uncomfortable for me too, because I was like what is up with this guy?
Speaker 1:yeah so, and I dated dudes before that who had their own drug and alcohol issues or were just garbage pig men and, you know, used me for sex and used whatever they could get from me. So with Matt, matt was a game changer, but it was, it was, and even too. Like when Matt would get me gifts, I was like I don't deserve this, like this is uncomfortable, right. Or if he would pay me a compliment, I'm like, yeah, okay. Now when he wants to give me gifts or pay me a compliment, I'm like tell me again. Yeah, excusez-moi, sir, tell me again. So, yeah, it was very hard. And I have to say this like even before I had the dictator, I was very nervous about I don't want to say I don't, I wasn't nervous. It was I questioned myself of my love, that if I was going to be able to have this unconditional love that was not met with conditions, and I'm like am I going to be able to have that maternal instinct?
Speaker 2:Say, that again.
Speaker 1:What.
Speaker 2:Say that again. What Say that again If I was able to have this unconditional love that was not met with conditions? Yeah, snap, I like that. I never heard you say that.
Speaker 1:But you know how my brain thinks. It takes me sometimes a couple of years to get something out, but that's of how I was feeling, but that's how I felt because, to be honest, before he was born I was at a point of a relationship and this is God's honest truth that, yes, I do love my mother, but I don't have it's before him. She was over for a holiday and was trying to help me clean up and Kim and I are so used to just taking care of her where I was like please go sit down. And then she was like trying to have this like loving moment with me in the kitchen and I did not know where to look Like. She was like trying to hold onto my hand and I'm like yikes Courtney's a little more like standoffish emotion which I don't understand.
Speaker 2:I'm I don't know. I'm like a touchy person and stuff, and even with Courtney like something like I know her boundaries. Courtney still like nudity bothers her. I'll take off my like just take Courtney's, just wired different. You know what I mean. So like when she was telling this, this story about Debbie, I started laughing and my like just take Courtney's, just wired different. You know what I mean. So like when she was telling this story about Debbie, I started laughing and she was like it's just I didn't know where to look and I know exactly like how my sister was feeling and like what? Because it makes her uncomfortable and it's like Debbie was just trying to have a moment and that's how she was feeling in the moment.
Speaker 2:But when every everything, it's very transactional with our parents. So when they're trying to be like nurturing and parents, it throws us off and we're like what the fuck? What? It makes it's uncomfortable and you don't know where to look. And then you're like am I the asshole? It makes you question yourself. But it's no, dude, fuck that, I'm just not used to it and it's. And then you're like are they angling for something? What's going on? Is the other shoe going to drop? Am I going to have this nurturing moment and then in the next sentence I'm going to be completely like some backhanded comment where I told them, just like an ungrateful piece of shit, what's going on here? So I'm sure that brought up a lot of emotions in the kitchen.
Speaker 1:It did. I just wanted to get the dishes done. You know what I mean? I just wanted to get laid off after the godforsaken fucking Thanksgiving. Then I hate that holiday and it should be banned. But whatever, a lot of other people love it and I think that's what it was. She was over for Thanksgiving and this was before I put my foot down and still tried to please her and whatnot, but anytime something's happened with her and she's needed us, we've been there. So it's very it might sound. This might sound confusing to people who don't have that type of relationship with their parent, where you get it because you still want, at the end of the day, as you still want, some fucking like love and acknowledgement. Like, to this day, I they haven't read my book. The only person who's read my book and my family is my sister, which thank you, and thank you for that review and thank you for the support.
Speaker 2:But I'm not going to. I finally ordered Chad's book Our brother published a book too and I just whatever. I was like paying some bill, whatever it didn't get on Amazon, cause once I go on Amazon I'll start shopping. I have to like chill, I've read Chad's and I'm going to read it.
Speaker 2:Courtney and I asked Chad in the summer if he ever listened to our podcast and he told us no. I was like because we were talking about having him on the show. And he was like, oh, I would love that. And then I was like, have you ever listened to our podcast? What do you think you're signing up for? And he said, no, I haven't.
Speaker 2:But Courtney and I support everybody in the family. Whatever business venture you want to go on, we're there, we're supporting, we're throwing money at it, we're posting on socials, we're about that shit. And then Courtney and I, who started as a passion project and we enjoy what we're doing, it's good for us and we're relating to the people and everything. But, yeah, our family, none of them can listen to it. That's why we talk so much shit on here and be so transparent, because there's going to be no fallout. Even if there was, even if they did, it's. Courtney had me come to terms with it because it's our truth, it's her truth, it's my truth. So I'm going to tell it how it is, how I see it. So I would still talk the same. Some family dinners once a year that we show up to might be a little uncomfortable, but I don't really give a fuck. But knowing that, knowing definitely that they don't listen to this shit, is even better.
Speaker 1:So and I said nice things about them in that book. That's the whole thing. I was trying to explain what you did. I did, I didn't say all this that's for when they're gone Then I'll explain it, but I just, I, just I it's like floors me. And then even too, before my book came out, my dad wanted me to give him a free copy. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Bust out your debit card and pay the $22. It's just. It's just because it's because it's just the level of support. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So you will not pay for your daughter's $22 book. Do you not understand the publishing world? You dumb F-U-C-K. That's how I felt. And then my feelings were hurt in that moment because it's and when that came out, the dictator was not about to turn two. I couldn't admit. If he came to me and was like mom, I got a book deal, badass, it's coming out, I would be like motherfucker, send me that link. I'm ordering, I'm buying 500 copies, I'm buying 500 toppies.
Speaker 1:Colin, go back to sleep, go back into your bed. You still have quiet time left. He's not going to sleep today, you guys? No, he's not. But that's the type of thing where it's just what. It's mind-blowing. It's just because we're not talking about a man who doesn't have money. Go to that. But then here's the kicker on that. Then brother writes a book about golf and he's the first one to let me get a copy. Blah, blah, blah. But because of the topic. Is the topic of it? And I have been a threat to that person since 2012 because I chose to quit drinking and our relationship has changed. Then there's an issue.
Speaker 2:Oh, my child has now decided to hop off me on the chair, drexel, as you all know, and now he's on the floor. Yeah, that book of yours and Chad's book of golf, apples and Oranges, bro, and your book would actually have to have him take some responsibility and like the enabling for the drinking of all the years, and I truly believe that they didn't read it because they were scared that something was going to come out of that book.
Speaker 1:Oh, I know I told him though at the book party I was like I wrote about it how he used to pick me up after therapy on Mondays and we would go out to eat and then it was a nice bonding time. And then I encourage people to do something like that after their therapy session, like not go out to eat with their daddies, but just to go do something afterwards Go get a pedicure, go decompress in some way. And same thing with mom. I've gotten my work, my entrepreneurship from her. I learned from her and how she's quit drinking in the 80s and how she was actually my first sober woman reference you know what I mean and watched her do life and still continue to travel and do her thing without alcohol.
Speaker 2:Yeah, her do life and still continue to travel and do her thing without alcohol. Yeah, my mom was a force, a beast with her business. Unfortunately, her decision making and some things is now where she's at, where she's at and that's okay. But my mom is definitely like an inspiring person in me and my sister's life, even though sometimes we can't stand her ass. But she was. She was a real one. We also are the way we are because of our parents. They instilled like great values into us, but yeah, so what would be some things.
Speaker 1:So, if you're like, all right, well, thanks for just trauma dumping about. But this is the thing, though, because our parents do have the narcissist personality traits in them.
Speaker 2:That is a big spider, sister, you guys we're recording and I'm sitting in my room where I record from in my chair and I don't know, am I in Australia right now? What is that? We're just going to let it do its thing. We're just going to let it do its thing. I'm just going to pretend it's not there, it's fine.
Speaker 1:I really want to go to Australia one day, and that's a trip you and I will do.
Speaker 2:I can't get into Australia. Bitch, what do you mean? No, I'm a felon. They won't even let people in with drunk, dry beans. I can't get into Canada. I can't get into Australia. There's a couple other on the list that I can't get into, I'm sure Russia. You're going to have to go to Australia on your own.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I need somebody to tell me who's listening from Australia. What do you do with those big spiders? Because aren't those things just in the streets, like even in the city, these fucking big ass spiders? I don't get it.
Speaker 2:They just coexist with them, bro. You're like used to them, and then they'll jump at you. I went down a wormhole on TikTok over these things and no thank you. If this thing falls on my bed you know how I am with bugs I'm going to have to burn it, I'm going to have to get a new bed, and you know how many times I rebuy furniture. She does. I have no problem.
Speaker 1:She's about to get a new couch, soon after she bought one like three years ago.
Speaker 2:So a year ago.
Speaker 1:So how would you then recommend for a person to deal with parents who are narcissists? And I will say I think this is a lifelong process with healing wounds, especially to if parents are still in your life. I will say I have heard also too from people I've talked to on the podcast and people I've just known in the streets of friends and whatnot, like that some of their parents who were heavy alcoholics they had said that they were. That was a peaceful day for them when their parent had passed away.
Speaker 2:That's a hard reality, bro, but when it comes to like suffering and the way someone's quality of life and the way that they're living and I've said it before, it's, you know sometimes it's like your heart, it's like grieving someone. There's people who I know, who have suffered hard and and I just feel like this life wasn't for them and they're going to come back on the next one and just it was just too much. So when they did pass, it was like I felt a sense of peace for them. I think and that's a hard one to say and it's like people can take it a certain type of way, but it's in some cases it might be true they're no longer suffering and living that existence and they're finally at peace, and for some people that is the case, and it makes me super sad to think that somebody can't get help or hasn't healed traumas or gotten over addictions and that, like they finally found peace at in death, and but I do think that is the reality for some people.
Speaker 1:I really do and that their child found peace and then finally go into the other side because of the pain that they endured. Yeah, yeah, and I think it's a true statement when everyone feels entitled to feel how they feel, so because of the pain that they endured.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and I think it's a true statement. Not everyone feels entitled to feel how they feel, so if that's like their truth, then I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And, as somebody sitting there, if I were to hear that statement, I wouldn't think of them as a bad person like oh, yourself or this or that, because there's some points of that statement that I can resonate with. Yeah, I would just be like that makes a lot of sense and that must you must have had to go through a lot of pain to get to that statement To feel that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, to feel that way, it's just sitting back and listening and having empathy and understanding and listening with an open heart and without judgment and not taking it to the extreme. This is what I don't like about people, these motherfuckers out here. You try to talk and be like vulnerable and you're like trying to say something and they just skip the whole part and just take it to the hardest extreme and you're like that is not what I was saying, Like okay, maybe that's what I was saying a little bit, but like people just don't listen. They don't listen with an open heart and it's very frustrating.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and with an awareness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, with an awareness or any emotional intellect and I find myself now with those people like I can't even fuck with them If it's outside of a professional basis, like in my personal life, like I, you are not my people and I can't mess with you. Sorry, no, thank you, pass Cause, like just the hard judgments and just disregarding someone's feelings or story or emotions, like that just doesn't work for me. I couldn't, I could, never. But the narcissistic parent. Let's take it to our situation. We have two brothers who have completely cut my, our mother off. You know who. That's their boundary. There's been so much hurt and on both sides there's been so much time has passed that now it's neither one really has, um, the patience, or where it all went wrong, or or like because memories fade. And to get down to the actuals, both my brothers they do not and Courtney's brothers we have the same brothers. Obviously we're sisters and they absolutely do not mess with my mom. My older brother does not even like return text and, yeah, their boundary on mom is to not, they do not. She is not involved in her grandchildren's life and besides my brother's oldest, who my mom was fully there for with our niece Caitlin, and so she's still involved with Caitlin, but Caitlin's also 22 years old and she is old enough to make the decision to and Brett would never put that boundary down on to have Caitlin not be in mom's life Like he's not a stone cold killer. But yeah, that's their boundaries with our mother, their boundaries with my. I find it sometimes annoying that their boundaries with our father don't align because it's been the same abuse from my dad, just different, and the conditioning. So it's a different relationship. So what they do to my mom, with my dad, is different. But that's for them. That's not for us to decide what their boundaries should be.
Speaker 2:With a narcissistic parent or a toxic parent, it's like where do you move? And I've struggled with it with the boys because for me I have a hard time. I can never just abandon my parents and I don't look at it as abandoning. But if you have to have boundaries and what works for your life, I finally let go and trust in the boy's decision with. That's what they need to do for their quality of life and they're both married and have children, so that's what works for them. You do what you got to do. My boundaries with my parents have definitely changed in the past seven years. So it's just, and I manage my expectations with them, because you got to, or you're going to, continuously get your feelings hurt over and over and it's going to be that same toxic cycle.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because when you get healthier, it no longer feels good to take part in that, because then you're like, oh, this is the part I've been playing and I don't want to. And here's the thing that shifted, and especially too, in the last couple of weeks. But it's been a while, couple of weeks. But it's been a while, and I know for you too, coming from a place of fearing parents, where I feared both of my parents, and now coming to a place where it's I don't give a fuck, I'm not scared of you guys anymore and you don't hold. And that's where, when we're talking about transactional, in the beginning, a lot of stuff for us was in the condition of the way of if you do this for me, you will get this. That's how a lot of it was, and this is why my sister and I have such a fucked up relationship with food, even down to how we were fed, that we had to complete tasks in order to fucking eat dinner or get lunch, like we used to have to pass out these, like you would look at this now and I've looked back at it before and it's like this is a layer of child abuse.
Speaker 1:There is this. There's definitely an epidemic and fucking physical and sexual abuse. But what nobody talks about is this emotional abuse. That that's where I think a lot of people will resonate with this conversation of emotional abuse from the parents because it was always like you had a roof over your head you grew up middle class. With this conversation of emotional abuse from the parents because it was always like you had a roof over your head. You grew up middle class, you didn't go without, okay. But on the other end, it's no, I did go without food, I went without to my emotional needs being met. So I swear I really encourage anybody to read that book that I suggested. But it's just, it's one of those things.
Speaker 1:So like that transactional, and that's where I'm at as an adult now. It's like you fuckers, I don't owe you shit. You have nothing more to hold over my head of what you have done for me Everything, even too, like even working. Like my mother used to get child support from my father and then would tell us to like if we needed something, go ask our father. Then he would tell us no and it was like and then we couldn't get the thing that we needed and we didn't. We didn't understand it that. It's like she was getting so much money a week and was spending that on her and not us. So it was very confusing. And we also had a time where, when our parents got divorced, I was seven and no other parents were divorced yet, and so there was none of this like modern family, like let's blend and let's co-parent in a healthy way. My mom tried, but then I think that the both of them, just because they're twinsies, could not. They just hated each other. We've all been there.
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Speaker 2:Well, they get it together and make it work.
Speaker 1:They get it together for the kids. Like, even to this day, it's always is your mother coming? Is your father going to be there? It's, oh, my God, you guys are in your seventies. At this point, come together for your grandkids and your kids, because this might be the last time that you see all of us together. That's where we're at. Yeah, get it the fuck together. So it's just one of those things that it's very it's. Looking back at it, it's a lot of emotional needs were not met and if you could look at it today, you would be like that was child abuse, that was neglect. It was neglect, it was straight neglect.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's why we're so crafty and can always. You always say this even in my hardest times you're always. I think you took solace in Kimberly's going to be fine, because I always I took the role in the house with the kids. Where it's, I would go and figure it out for food, or I would go get groceries and get stuck at the grocery store waiting outside for three hours with my cart like and waiting for mom to finally come and show up, or I would always like just figure it out. I learned how to just figure it out at a very young age and on certain things In my adult life everyone just knew that I was going to be okay because I would always pull myself out of it and figure it out.
Speaker 2:Now, knowing it's like that was hypervigilance and trauma response because of how I had to learn how to figure it out when I was a kid.
Speaker 2:Trauma response because of how I had to learn how to figure it out when I was a kid. So like hyper independence and I am because I'll just get it done by myself and it's I've always feel like bad asking for something, and also with my parents I was like, hey, do you need anything? And then when you finally use your words and you're like actually, yeah, I could use like, and then it's oh no, and then you just get ghosted until you're the one who like reaches out because you had the audacity to answer their question. When they ask if you need anything, it's a fucking damnedest thing. I'm just like oh, my God, that's why I just don't ask. And I know Courtney was not used to people like showing up for her. So when you know she started dating my brother-in-law, it's like he would show up and he would do and he would offer to help. And it was just like probably very bizarre, like what?
Speaker 2:And then we're assholes and we're like what the fuck is up with this pussy? What is going on? And he was not a pussy.
Speaker 1:He's a grown man and is like a good guy yeah, and I have to say it wasn't until I broke this a couple of years back, where I stopped asking, for I stopped doing the asking for something and then I'll do this in return. That was a very hard one for me to ask because I felt because that's how I was raised If you have to ask for something, you need to give something in return, and that's like terrible. So I finally stopped that with him and which he noticed and of course it was like supportive of it and it's like yeah, just because you ask for something doesn't mean like you don't always need to give something in return. I'm like that's what I've been used to, like when that is what you're used to of. Even just my mom owned her own business from home and I used to have to go run these errands for her go to the post office, go to her PO box.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, bro, don't even get me started.
Speaker 1:I know, but this is what I, this is just what I'm comparing to. And then it was like after you do this, then you can get here's $20 to get you and myself something to eat, bring it home, and then you can use my car for the rest of the night. Yeah, this is high school age. But it was like, okay, I was there and I was able to do these errands for her, so it's just, and that's what I then was like oh, if I wanted the car for a night I would be like all right, do you want me to run any errands today?
Speaker 1:And are you hungry? Cause I am Right, I haven't eaten anything yet. Like still, my husband can't believe the food stories I tell him he truly cannot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Because it's wild. It is wild. Matt is constantly bewildered by our stories.
Speaker 1:He is bewildered. But again, I know my sister and I know that, yes, people have had it worse, but I won't ever take away from what we experienced and our neglect, emotional neglect, and needs that were met. And this is just the type of parents that we dealt with and we all have a story. Yep, everyone's got a story. We all have a story and that's why I like to tell too especially women that I coach with 101, anybody.
Speaker 1:That's what happened to you and that's your truth and it affected you in this type of way, and you don't need to constantly keep being like I should be grateful.
Speaker 1:People have it worse, yeah, but then that's neglecting your feelings of. Then you're saying that what happened to you doesn't matter and it was still some type of trauma, right, and then that's why, too, like when you start getting into that cycle as well of when the shoe is gonna drop, that is often conditioned from the two people who fucking created you or raised you of, especially if they were that type. And when you get into parents who are alcoholics, parents who have mental health issues, that fucking chaos that you fall in line with, then you take that into your life and it never feels normal just to be until you start getting off of that fucking train and you even have to start doing that for yourself of where you have to stop creating the chaos for yourself, and that's where a lot of people are born into a chaotic situation. And that is what then, like still to this day, my fight or flight was kicking in a couple of days ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I texted my sister. I was like prepare for impact, because I feel like a little breakdown is going to either happen this holiday season or come spring, and that is, and it's been a couple of years. So like the timing in some situation that's been starting to happen. I'm like this is feeling eerie and my shoulders are about to go up in my ears and that's the power of fucking PTSD when you're still living in that same cycle.
Speaker 2:That's what's crazy yeah, it's like our it's already. Like when we were talking about what was going on currently with our family dynamic, like I already went into that fight or flight mode where it's like thinking about how, like it's that trauma brands because Courtney and I have spent many holidays alone to where? Because chaos has ensued in our family around the holidays, chaos. So I already was like thinking. I was like, okay, how is it going to look if I'm just here alone at Christmas? Okay, I can do another Christmas alone, it's fine. I just don't want to deal. It's too much. And then I find myself start shutting down and retreating and disassociating and I'm like, no fuck that we're not doing that anymore. So, kimberly, reel it in, get it together and you don't start self-sabotaging because you're retreating, because you don't have the capacity anymore to deal with any chaos, because then that's not fair for me and then I don't get to engage because I'm like resorting to old, like trauma responses. So there's a lot when you're dealing with toxic, narcissistic parents, it's a lot of damage has been done and it's psychological and it's psychological warfare and it impacts you well into adulthood, even like from the past, from this little narcissistic series when it ran into a three-parter. We appreciate you guys for listening. We're use it as a little bit as a therapy session Cause we're so like there's like layers to this shit, right. So it's like I even have to think about it, like going into my next relationship because and really heal, because like I'm dating to Mary at this point, like I'm not out here trying to have some little like little ting tings and little fucking it's. It could be fun and all. But in my life where I'm at right now, like I'm four I just turned 45 years old last week. So like I am really like serious into dating, looking for a partner. So I really want to get like all of my shit together so that I am I am not the toxic one in a relationship when the universe finally sends me my fucking dude it's. I don't want to be that.
Speaker 2:And then me self-sabotage something good because of like layers and layers of trauma and dealing with narcissists and thriving in chaos and I just I don't want that life for myself. So I really have to be in tune and get that emotional intelligence and not sabotage with my own issues, because it's really easy to do and I saw myself with, and Courtney is talking about like some shit's been popping off with our parents so around the holidays. So I went into that like trauma, brain of like how I was, like reacting and I had to catch myself real quick and that's just like emotional intelligence and self-awareness. So, adding these like tools that I've learned, I'm definitely going to have to be a little bit hypervigilant in a relationship to make sure that I do not self-sabotage because, like I said, I'm looking for a partner and I'll be damned if I fucking waste more years of my life on some unemotional, unintelligent fucking shitbag.
Speaker 2:So I have to meet him when he comes with the same level of emotional intelligence that I'm expecting. And it's not easy. It's not for the weak, because it's really easy to be toxic and chaotic and all of the things. It's very easy to do that it is very easy.
Speaker 1:So, if you have parents, I would highly suggest go to therapy, seek out a coach that deals with these topics, because that's the only way of talking through it, and talking through it is going to help you. Okay, let's wrap this up because I'm being beckoned, but we got to tell the story. Kim, this is your stories from the streets.
Speaker 2:My stories from the streets.
Speaker 1:Yes, your story from the street of your vengeance, even though you ended up back with him, which I think is amazing that he took you back afterwards. But Kim had her art therapy. Take it away, Titi.
Speaker 2:This was a form of reactive abuse. This man had pushed me to the edge, to the edge of it. So it was one Christmas where we were back together and we're not talking, I'm talking, we're not talking, she's talking, you're talking.
Speaker 1:She's going to explain her stories from the street. You guys, he can't hear TT because I have my earphones in, so he's not going to hear this if somebody's good for it, I don't want CJ to hear this. No, you can't hear you. Just Okay, go get your headphones.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Go on TT.
Speaker 2:Go get them. So one Christmas we were back together. We had a great Christmas. We had gotten back together and he was in it, Said he loved me, blah, blah, blah, this and that, and the time that he was telling me all of this he was a source of supply that he had. He was fucking a married woman and I had no idea about this he was bringing me into. Hi Titi, Hi buddy, Hi buddy, you got your headphones on. You're a podcaster. Titi's not here.
Speaker 1:You can't hear Titi? Okay, go lay in Mama and Dada's bed, okay, and I'll be in there in two minutes, I promise Mama. Talk to Titi. Yeah, mama's just talking to Titi, and I'll be right in there, okay, wait. Okay, you can stay in the office, go, go on Titi.
Speaker 2:We're just making this work. I love this podcast with the little dictator coming around.
Speaker 1:Listen, I have guests on where they're. Like I'm so sorry, it's life. This podcast was never meant for perfection. Like it's fine.
Speaker 2:I love it. This is life. This is where we're at. I had found all this stuff out about this other woman, but not until the shit really hit the fans. He had come back into my life, but it was where only my sister knew and I was going over to my dad's for Christmas, but it was where only my sister knew, and I was going over to my dad's for Christmas and he had took me to his parents' house the night before which was bullshit, worst meal I've ever had in my whole life and I had gone to my dad's and then I was going to meet Courtney and Matt at China Cafe. It's one of our rituals, but he was not welcome because of so much bullshit that he's pulled. So it just it was not time for him to be involved in the family unit. That's where a narcissistic injury I placed on him.
Speaker 2:So when I got back to, he started some bullshit when I was at my Christmas dinner with my sister and my brother-in-law and at dinner he wanted to ruin my dinner because he was pissed that he wasn't involved and like how dare I not involve him with my family? And he had me showed up at his. So he started with the. I made a mistake. I can't do this. And this was on Christmas day, you guys, we had exchanged gifts, everything. So whatever came out came out, I go, I show up at his house and I was like, are you really doing this on Christmas? He said yep, and as I'm sitting there talking to him, he's texting another woman. And I said who are you texting? And I saw the text I'm dealing with her now, are you okay? And I was like who are you talking to? So, whatever, I put two and two together, I see her name. So, as he's talking, I started DMing her on Instagram. Some drama. That just is dumb.
Speaker 2:I find out this whole like affair. She's married with kids. She's in the program. I've sat next like I've sat in rooms with her where I was like why is this chick staring, whatever? So I had gotten to the point where it pushed me to the edge. It's like another woman I had to deal with. He ends up dropping me off on a curb on Christmas, throws my gift out of the car and just just he's stonewalling me and just is silent. And I'm just like upset. So I let that sit.
Speaker 2:For a few days I had had this picture of I don't know what happened or what broke, but I was so furious and then I had to listen to this girl being like he told me he loved me and that trip he took you on in San Francisco, this restaurant that you went to Yep, I'm the one who recommended that, I said. He told me that his guy friend recommended that. So I'm just like getting fed all this information and I'm just like bitch, I can't deal with you. I end up blocking her and I'm like you are trash. So I end up emailing her husband that I found on LinkedIn because I'm like a secret FBI agent when it comes to the internet, right. So I let him know what's going on and that she's a complete menace and that she's not actually working a program and is over at his house relapsing, just being a pig.
Speaker 2:Ashley has children at home, right? Just children. But I now look at it, I can't blame her because he was lying to her, like he was lying to me, and she was not well, like, newly sober. I was doing fine, I just had had it with this dude. I had this picture of him and it's the most unflattering picture. It's just him like standing in his Calvin Klein like tidy whities, but they were like dark, whatever, and like socks, and I was like try to use my tools, like my therapist was like yeah, just if you're mad at like, write it out whatever. Sometimes you're just not going to be healthy.
Speaker 1:Okay, when you've been pushed to the brink when you've been pushed like write it out, whatever. Sometimes you're just not going to be healthy. Okay, when you've been pushed to the brink. When you've been pushed to the brink, you do what you got to do.
Speaker 2:Yes. So I started. I decided I love Andy Warhol, so that era of like pop art. So I just started on his picture putting, I made a masterpiece. It was like neon words, it was like Disneyland dad, narcissist. I just fucking threw all this shit Womanizer fucks married women, gets his girlfriend pregnant on purpose, forces her to have an abortion All of this stuff just threw out the tea Gaslighter, serial killer or serial dater, stds, and everything that I put on there was true. It was true, everything was true. So I held on to that for a couple of days and then that thing, that chick, had gotten a hold of me some other way. However, she found my information and it pissed me off what she said to me because she just wouldn't stop. She just wouldn't stop.
Speaker 2:So I knew his Instagram. I had his Instagram, he hadn't blocked me and I was like had his account, something. All of a sudden I lost my mind. I went crazy and I had my MacBook, my iPad and my phone set up and I just started mic dropping this beautiful piece of art into, to expose them into all of his friends that he follows DMs on Instagram. So as I'm doing it, I'm doing it all from the accounts and as this was happening, people had started like reporting the picture reporting and I was doing and I was sending it from ghost account Like I was fucking being a, a toxica, like whatever.
Speaker 2:So this had he was, he was exposed, exposed and these are people who thought like he was a good guy and these were like exes and the exes were probably like finally, justice is served. But like his clients, his boss, his everything, his sponsor, people in the program and I like put lying about being an addict because he's just in the program for show. It's not. This guy never had a. His problem is his narcissism. He never dealt with addiction. He got caught for a DUI and he got thrown into a room and he figured that he could be a chameleon there and it made him look like a good guy, just a predator. So this is what I'm realizing I was dealing with. So all of that happened. So then there was obviously fallout.
Speaker 2:So after that, the next day, I get a phone call and it was from the city where we lived in and I was like I answer the phone and I'm like hello. And they said yes, can I please speak to Kimberly Elledge? And I said you're speaking to her how can I help you? And he said this is so-and-so, from the blank police department and we have a problem here I have. And he said his name in my lobby. I said let me guess, let me guess, I'm going to stop you right there. Is he standing next to some old decrepit fuck who it looks like a smug prick? And I said that's his sponsor. And he goes yes, actually that's how he introduced. And I said oh, I'm sure it was.
Speaker 2:Now, mind you, this was during the Me Too movement. So this was right when all of these predators were getting exposed and all hashtag Me Too was everywhere. So he said he's coming in and he's talking about harassment and defamation of character and this and that. And I said okay, let me stop you right there. What are you talking about? And he said there's a picture that he just showed me that's been put on accounts. And I said okay. I said did it come from my account? And he goes no, it did not. I said, all right, I didn't do that, but let's just say that I did. I go, I've seen the picture because it got circulated around. I go, let's just say I did. I said his name was never used His little beady, black, dark eyes were blocked out and everything on that picture.
Speaker 2:From what I've heard, allegedly, I know those to be true. So at where is the point that any laws were broken or crossed? And he goes. Huh, he goes, you're right. And I said I know. And he goes, you are walking a fine line, though. And I said I know, and he goes you're, you are walking a fine line, though. And I said I'm not doing anything because I didn't do it. So let's start there.
Speaker 2:And I said let me tell you something about the fucking piece of shit that's standing in your lobby right now. I was like he is a predator in your community. I said he goes, he runs through 12 step rooms preying on women. I was like he's an abuser. He spreads disease in your community. He gaslights, uses, manipulates women and then he wants to come and show up at a police department and spin a story of victimization. I said that demon has had me in the depths of hell. He's left me homeless. He's told me that he wanted to start a family. He's gotten me pregnant, only to leave me at a clinic and not show up on time, and completely abandoned me through an abortion that he forced me to have. And I said and he is a serial cheater and a liar and he's going to cause problems in your community because one day a husband is either going to beat the fuck out of him or kill him because he loves to fuck married women. So I go here's my other problem.
Speaker 2:And you chose to listen to these two men standing in your lobby, as opposed to maybe thinking that this woman who allegedly set this picture around, and he just was like, yeah, I could just hear this man, his breathing. He finally started to fall into like, from being like a cop to human. And I said the fact that you, right now, in this Me Too movement, I go, you are aware that there's a movement going on right now, right, where women are fucking fed up and are done being like abused by men. And I said and he goes, yeah, I'm aware. I said, okay, I said so, the things that I just told you are very personal.
Speaker 2:And I go, the fact that you wouldn't think to have a female officer call an abused woman is really beyond me. And I said and that shows where you guys are at in your police department and that maybe you guys need to. You got too many men running things over there, what's going on, but the fact that you want to have a woman call me so I could explain this. And I just told you very embarrassing things that have happened to me in this relationship and the positions that he's put me in. And I said instead, you choose to come at me in an authoritative way, like I'm supposed to back down and be scared, but here's the deal. I don't fuck with you guys. I don't care if you're a cop, if you're an FBI agent, if you're the president of the United States. What that piece of shit in your lobby did is wrong.
Speaker 2:And he fucking reps your city like a motherfucker, just loves being from there. He worked for a prominent business in your community that's well known through the metropolis. And I said my last question to you is do you have a daughter? And he was like I do. And I said imagine if everything, because everything I just told you was true. And I said and, by the way, it's all documented because through texts and emails and doctor's appointments and this and that, and I said it's all true what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I was like I don't have a reason to lie and I said what if somebody was doing this to your daughter. Would you want some fucking dickhead cop calling her, coming at her sideways trying to intimidate her and telling her that she's walking a fine line? I said he's the one that's walking a fine line, so why don't you flip the script and go back and tell that pussy he created all of this, and for him to run to the fucking police, which he already knows? I already don't fuck with you guys. So he's trying to scare me. I said tell him to fucking fix his behavior and stop being a menace out here on the streets and stop wasting your time. We're in the middle of a pandemic and this, we're done. We're done with this. Me too, we're done. And he just stopped and he goes. I am so sorry.
Speaker 2:So then it's like me being me and just like not backing down and being so fed up and he goes. I am so sorry and he goes. Can I just say something to you that I would tell my daughter? And I said yes, and he was like do yourself a favor and just take time and heal and don't ever go back to him. And I am so sorry that all of this has happened to you. And he goes, and I believe you. And I said, and I got choked up and I said you know, it was like it wasn't validating because, like, my family knew what, but from that network of town, because everyone thought I was the crazy asshole and I'm this insane person and it's like reactive abuse, right. So then they get to sit back and be like, see, I told you she's crazy Because that fucking neon pop art mic drop in everyone's DMs.
Speaker 2:That was wild, it was rowdy, but it's dude, don't fuck with.
Speaker 2:I'm so done with you so I'm going to embarrass you Like you've been embarrassing me for years. And that cop said he apologized to me and I just I got choked up. And when he said I believe you and he goes, I'm going to tell him to go home and don't ever fucking come back here with any of this nonsense. And I said I appreciate you. Happy New Year. I'm just out here trying my best and I know I don't deserve this. And I'm glad that it didn't get to the point where you would have to go after a woman for allegedly putting the truth out there in a form of a neon pop art. Some people just love Andy Warhol. And so I got off the phone with the cop and can you imagine the look on him and his sponsor's face, because they thought they fucking had me in that police lobby. They thought that they had me and the fact that the cop went out there and told them pretty much to fuck off was everything I needed in that moment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he thought that he won. But that pop art it's beautiful, you guys, it's beautiful. We won't use it as a cover of L-O-T-E this week, but it is beautiful. Your TT's funny buddy. Ah, she is. Kylan even just said she is, yeah she is.
Speaker 2:So that is my stories from the streets, and sometimes you just got to draw a little pop art and embarrass a motherfucker. And it did, because four days after I got the it was New Year's Eve. Four days after I get the call from the police department, then I get a call from this piece of shit's father and then he thinks he's going to intimidate me and he calls I forgot that the dad called you.
Speaker 2:I forgot that A 40 something year old man's dad called me to let me know he wanted me to go on the internet y'all the hilarious wanted me to go on the internet. And he was very stern, very angry, like I was supposed to be scared. This piece of shit doesn't know how I was raised and who my father is and the type of people I've dealt with, so like it really infuriated them that I was who I was because, like they couldn't control and my ex was used to dealing with controllable women and his dad has a controlled health wife at home and so I just blew their fucking minds. And he started with what you're going to do and I said oh hi, I said happy new year to you. I don't know why you would even think that this is appropriate, you calling me. I'm an adult. I know you don't look at your son like an adult because you enable him all through his adult years. And I said but I am not that, so you need to watch how you speak to me and if you want to have any type of constructive conversation here, it's not going to be this. I'm not your abused wife, I'm not your fucking controlled daughter and I'm not, definitely not your dipshit son, so try again. What do you want? And he goes. What I want you to do is you go on the internet and blank His name is very upset.
Speaker 2:He hasn't been able to get back out of bed. You've ruined his New Year's. And I said oh, I said he's ruined my the past four years of my life. What are you talking about? And I said okay, I'm so sorry. His feelings are hurt, but what was done was done. And I said you think you're guys are the only one that come from money in this network. I said we also have lawyers and you have no idea my family and who I work for and what can be done. And he goes oh, wow, there you go. What are you going to go? Run to your daddy? And I said that's very funny coming from you, seeing as I'm on the phone with someone's daddy. I said I would never tell my dad any of this or have him call somebody like. That's embarrassing. Your son needs to handle his scandal and I feel sorry for your wife.
Speaker 2:And I see that the apple does not fall far from the tree and this is where he's learned all of this from and I said so what is it that you think that you want me to do or that you think I'm going to do? I need you to go on the internet and apologize and just let everybody know that you were out of sorts. I said out of sorts. This is not the 1920s or this is not back in the day where we were burning witches at the stake for women, just being like, outspoken, Like who the fuck do you think you're talking to? I am not out of sorts. I'm very in my right mind and I know that, like you, guys are the biggest pieces of shit. Not only have I gone up against the police department, all of his flying monkeys, his employer, him, his sponsor, Now I'm going up against you, Mr Patriarch. I was like so you can go fuck yourself and I will never apologize for anything that I did, and I just hung up the phone.
Speaker 1:I forgot his dad called. Oh my God, like who gets their parents involved. I know some people who do this, but honestly, just like God and then listen on the flip side, because we've had to be the adults, we've had to be the parent since we were super young, like we don't know what that's like to be able to run, and it's not healthy be able to run to parents and be like fix this for me.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. His network fixes everything for him. That's why he's just never learned a hard lesson. But let me tell you, in five years he had to learn a lot of hard lessons because there were moments where I just would not. I am who I am and don't fuck with me too, but yeah, it wasn't my best moment. I am who I am and don't fuck with me too, but yeah, it wasn't my best moment. Definitely sticking up to the cop and sticking up to his dad was my finest moment, but maybe in a toxico with the internet drama was not. But you know what, if I had a choice in time and could say I wouldn't do it again, I would definitely do it again.
Speaker 1:Do it again because you were so artistic. That was art therapy.
Speaker 2:And this is how much of fucking sickness these bucks have. And I was also like codependently sick at the time. This motherfucker came back to me and after that conversation I had with his dad, the following Christmas I showed up and he introduced himself and he's like, let's try this again. I said let's try this again and I have continued to go on vacations with this family after all of that craziness. And this is just how they enabled and the sick and like when we went on that vacation we had a good time and they finally got to see like me, for me, and saw like a different side and a different version and we had a good time, but definitely like a sick family unit.
Speaker 2:And he and then enough was enough with that last break I was. It was done. I couldn't take it anymore. It was same old fuckery with him. It was done. But yes, he came back. If I swear to god, if somebody ever mic dropped neon me standing there in my underwear looking like a slob and started like tagging, like words in neon and just like the most horrific things that could have been true for his case they were I would never show my face in the streets, but this just shows how narcissists they have no shame. And it's about the control. And he wanted to regain it with me because he had lost so much and none of his tactics were working, not even the police.
Speaker 1:Give me a break, and on the flip side too, of the good people of the world listening like just think of how many women I'm not saying that killing is, I'm not saying that killing is the way to go, but how many of these women and I'm sure men too right, because it happens both ways but where these people just snap and they end up killing somebody, and just because they can't take it anymore, because they are so emotionally abused and so broken down as a human being?
Speaker 2:I hyper fixated on burning his house down? I'm sure no, like literally. I was like I was like I called my friend Leah one night. I was like you got to come get me. And this was when he was in LA. I said I'm going to burn this, I'm going to Lisa left side of shit, I'm going to burn it down. And it was like I'm coming to get you right now. I was like I'm not even kidding, like I this guy has me fucking. I'm gonna burn this house down because it like represented like all the lies and everything. And I was just like there were so many memories in there. I was like, fuck this house. That's where it took me. So I was like please come get me.
Speaker 1:Well, that's all right, I'm gonna burn it down of how many women have been painted the picture of being, quote unquote, crazy and that it was like and then they snapped and it was like oh, gaslighting, oh, look, what this crazy bitch did. And you don't know the story behind it, you don't?
Speaker 2:Yeah it, you don't. Yeah, that's why whenever somebody tells me, like this last one, that I dealt with that when I and I cut it off real quick, but I'm sitting there listening and he's calling somebody who he was with for years like a psycho and crazy and this and that, and me, that just doesn't resonate well, because it's okay, what did you do to her to make her be like that? Because you're calling her all these things and it's everyone has, everyone plays a part and women don't just like for them to get like that. That means they loved you and that something in the relationship traumatic happened, like for the most part, women aren't just like crazy off the rip and just or else you know, men wouldn't be with them. So it's what did you do to her? And what did she do?
Speaker 2:The reactive abuse to be crazy. What the fuck did you do? And her, and what does she do? The reactive abuse to be crazy. What the fuck did you do? And now these are like the questions that I ask blatantly, because I said what did you do? What do you mean? And I was like what did you do? Because women just don't behave out of sorts, like they're pushed to that, because I know because I was pushed to that and here we are. So, like I said before, when people are talking, if you just shut the fuck up and sit back and listen, it's very telling. They'll tell everything.
Speaker 1:Very telling. I think we're going to wrap this up. Thank you for sharing stories on the street, so we wanted to share that with you, because you know what though you sharing that I'm sure someone too is is oh, I did something fucked up.
Speaker 2:Everyone has in toxic relationships it's not just one-sided, so it's. I just had had enough and pushed him and I also had learned so much about narcissism and really knew it's all about image. So that was just like I weaponized his own shit against him and they. He always forgot that he was dealing with a smart, slick one, but I always let him know what time it was, always, and I did. If I could do it again, I would. I don't give a shit.
Speaker 1:All right, thank you for tuning in. As always, make sure, if you have not yet, to rate, review and subscribe to the show. If you appreciated the series, reach out to my sister and I on Instagram or email me at silvervibes at gmailcom and let me know. All right, thanks, sister, for sharing your truth.
Speaker 2:No problem, and thanks, little CJ, for being on the podcast today. We love you and good people of the world, we love you. I'm going to sign out with my sister saying keep on trucking.
