Sober Vibes Podcast
Welcome to Sober Vibes, where sobriety meets empowerment! Hosted by sober coach, author, and mom Courtney Andersen—who’s been thriving in her alcohol-free life since 8/18/2012—this podcast is your go-to space for real talk, proven strategies, and inspiring stories from women who are redefining what it means to live without alcohol.
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Sober Vibes Podcast
3 Tips for Staying Sober Through the Holidays
Episode 202: 3 Tips for Staying Sober Through the Holidays
In episode 202 of The Sober Vibes, Courtney Andersen discusses how to stay sober through the holiday season. Discover how entering gatherings with a focused mindset and acknowledging the normalcy of nervousness can transform what might feel isolating into a powerful step towards personal growth.
What you will learn in this episode:
- Mentally Preparing Yourself
- Creating New Traditions
- Time Limits for Social Gatherings
- Protecting Your Peace
- Empowering your sober journey
Happy 2024 Holiday Season. Remember also to enjoy yourself!
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Thank you so much for joining us. Hey, welcome to the Sober Vibes podcast. I am your host and sober coach, courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 202. That is right, continuing to trickle on. So I have a great episode today. It's me coaching you through this holiday season, okay.
Speaker 1:So I wanted to drop this one before Thanksgiving happened and before we really geared up for the last. What five weeks, six weeks of the year and when all the holiday parties are going to start happening and then you're going to have to see more family and be around family when you are not drinking anymore or in the process of quitting drinking alcohol right or in your sober life. So I did ask my social media, I asked my sobriety circle gals and even in Facebook, my Facebook group, I asked you and do you want to know what majority of people said Like, seriously, all, but like one person. All of you, all of the good people of the world, wanted it was all about how to handle family and how to answer many questions from family and how to be around them during the holidays without drinking. Again, this is a problem, and I say that with the sense of like. This is a problem because that is how embedded and ingrained it is in not only society but in families, on the role alcohol play, the dynamic it plays in your family. Okay, and honestly, going back to the first couple holiday seasons, it was an adjustment for me because, I mean, you guys know Kim right, like Kim's history, my sister, if drinking was a part of my dad's side of my parents, have been divorced since I was seven. My mom quit drinking in the late eighties, so my mom didn't drink, so, like with her it was never about drinking, but with my dad and that it was about drinking. Drinking was like another child, and so I get it. I understand these fears. I shouldn't say that that shocked me, but it was just like man that's out of all the answers or questions of wanting to know how to get through it. It was really on how to deal with your family during the holidays.
Speaker 1:And I had this conversation the other day with a one-on-one client because she wanted to know the same thing. Right, like about the holidays coming up. And this is what I'm going to say If you come from dysfunction, right, you come from dysfunction, right, if you come from, and we all have it, if you just expect it, if you're going into your first holiday season not drinking, just prepare yourself. Like this is dysfunction. And what happens around holidays it like shines a light spotlight on the dysfunction of the family and drinking because people drink shit ton more during the holidays because everybody thinks that's what you quote unquote should do, or to cope with quote unquote the stress of the holidays. And that's where it's like. This is why I love Halloween no stress. There shouldn't even be stress during the holidays. Halloween no stress. There shouldn't even be stress during the holidays. But this I don't know how other countries do, but it's just in America. It's just become about I shouldn't say everybody, but just Christmas has just become about chaos and going back. This is why I changed doing what I used to do on the holidays in my sober life.
Speaker 1:I want to empower you to make a change. If you have to go to your mother's house for Christmas Eve, you're like all right, I'm going to commit to this. Then I want you to do something for yourself on the next day or the day after Christmas. Right, you need to have a balance. Do you need to start creating new traditions for yourself? I know it's going to feel lonely as fuck, but when you go through a healing process and a recovery process. That process is lonely until it's not because you are breaking especially for all the responses on this you are breaking a lot of family, generational trauma. You're breaking cycles, generational cycles. So when you step out of that, when you are the one who steps out of it and not going with the norm of the family, it can feel very lonely.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I just want to give you three tips on how since the consistence was about family, I want to give you three tips on really how to deal with this, to keep your sobriety intact and then also to like how to deal. So it's three tips in one. So number one I want you to go in with yourself of I'm staying sober from this. I'm not going to let old St Nick, I'm not going to let Ma or Pa or my Uncle Billy or my brother Zane I don't know it's fun of CJ's friends' names, but I'm not going to let them take this away from me. I'm not going to allow somebody else to take me down. Okay, so you need to go into it thinking that way. Hype yourself up, even if you have to. When you get out of that car, make sure it's not icy around you. Fucking. Do a couple jumps, jump up and down four, five, six, seven times to amp yourself up, right, but please go in there with the I am not drinking, I'm not drinking. And if you're nervous about it, going in there like that's normal because those nerves are you walking through a fear and an unknown right Like this is something new, it's going to be different. Prepare for it to be different. Prepare for it to be a little awkward because now you're not drinking, so you're going to see shit differently, and that's why I highly recommend to create a different type of tradition for yourself that you start doing.
Speaker 1:I believe it was after year three. I stopped participating and going to Christmases at my dad's house because it was nothing more than watching family members get fucked up, and at one point it was like me and Matt weren't even there, honestly, and I left that crying because it was so frustrating and I'm like I'm not even enjoying this. This is no longer fun for me. So why am I going to keep partaking in this right so from? I have never partaked in a fucking going over for that Christmas. You know what I have done a couple of years. I've got well pre the dictator. But I have stepped by over there in the morning time for a couple hours to hang out with my dad and his wife Great. And then I'm not partaking in what was the madness. I can't speak upon it because I haven't been there in years, but I knew what it was up until that point.
Speaker 1:And when I say the madness, it's just the excessive amount of drinking. Right that there has been some Christmases in my past and on that day, of just getting way too fucked up and like fights happening, of just like yelling matches and just like toxicity and that dysfunction coming out in family structures. Right, built up anger that you just unleash. So, or it could just be drinking too much and you're just like. I don't want a part of that. But when I stopped that instantly, my Christmases got better because I wasn't building myself up with anticipation and anxiety. Okay.
Speaker 1:So, but if this is your first one, follow these tips. And if you've been sober a couple years and you're like God, I don't want to do these anymore, so stop doing them. Stop doing it. You don't want to celebrate Thanksgiving anymore. Join the train with me. Welcome to my dark side of my distaste for Thanksgiving. Right? So you don't want to bake your mother a ham anymore and you want to make some tacos or go eat some Chinese food or I don't know, have spaghetti, do that. Do that. You are grown-ass adults who can now make your own decisions, and this is a new chapter for yourself. And in this new chapter it's about bringing happiness.
Speaker 1:And I know you're already thinking like, well, is this selfish F? No, because what is number one priority is you not drinking alcohol, even if you're hosting. If you're expected to host 25 people and you're like this is too much. It is bringing me anxiety. Ask somebody else to host or don't invite everybody. Maybe you need to be rude AF this year, right, like if it's just too much, where it's like I can't function like this anymore. It's too overwhelming and I don't want to trigger myself to drink, then don't do it. Or if you don't want to cook myself to drink, then don't do it. Or if you don't want to cook all that food, get some catering. That's perfect. There's a lot of restaurants who do catering nowadays. It's really good and all you have to do is clean up. You want to use paper plates this year? Use paper plates. But going back to my three tips, this is what I'm saying you it's. It's.
Speaker 1:The answer is now within you of what you want to do and who you want to surround yourself with, and what is going to again keep the peace for you. So, number one go in with the mindset of I am not drinking, nobody is taking that away from me tonight and I am a bad bitch, okay, number two. Number two when you go in there, share, you're not drinking. This isn't a time to again allow somebody to make you feel a certain type of way, right. Or this is just, if somebody asks you for a drink, no, thank you. If somebody then says why? Because it's okay to do a little white lie, right, you can be like I have a headache or I'm just not drinking right now and leave it at that, and then just like dead eye Aunt Susie, like there is no need to again regurgitate to somebody your story who doesn't deserve your story, right? So just keep it simple and if you need to practice that before you even go there, then practice that. There is no shame in your game for saying I had a migraine today and I'm just not, I haven't been feeling well, right, like that's fine. Or tomorrow you need to get up because you got to play Santa Claus. Like, not everybody wants a hangover on Christmas, and that's okay, that is okay. Or the day after Christmas or on Christmas Eve, right Like. Whatever it is for you to do, so go in there. You're not drinking Bottom line, that's great. And if people can't accept that, that is not on you to carry, that is more about them than anything.
Speaker 1:And then, number three leave. Stay for an hour or two. This was fun. I got to go. I got to protect my peace because I know I'm watching my mother and grandmother drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, and I know what's going to happen. Because I've seen this rodeo for 25 years. I don't want to participate in this anymore. You can leave. You do not have to be the last one there, right? Like, even, too, if you're visiting, you're going home for the holidays because you live in another state from them, go up to where you're staying and go to sleep. Leave Even in that process too. Like, use 60-minute rule. Again, you are a grown-ass adult. And like if you have to break a quote-unquote tradition that your mother's been doing for the last 25, 30 years, then that is what you have to do. She had you for those years you participated and now you need to do what is best for you so you do not drink alcohol that day and not allow the holidays or people to strip you from that, and these rules are going to apply for any type of holiday event that you decide to partake in right.
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Speaker 1:So, again, start creating your own traditions that aren't going to drive you crazy or make your right eyeball twitch. And when you change your life because quitting drinking alcohol is a lifestyle change, okay, it just goes so much more than just quitting drinking, because then you've got to go through the layers and work through stuff and all of that, okay. So again, you might not want to be around your narcissistic sister, you might not want to be around your brother who is an asshole, you might not want to be around your parents that much anymore, and you have to protect your peace, and that is okay. Right, like. When I started creating traditions and these boundaries for myself of what I will and will not participate in, it was like an elephant was lifted off of my chest and it wasn't about being selfish. It was about doing the right thing for me and not about doing the right thing for other people, right. So, like, even to this day, I'll tell you this I now also to like.
Speaker 1:Now it's like because there was pre dictator and post dictator. So I understand that people want to see the dictator, but guess what? They're not going to have him on Christmas Eve and Christmas because and I'm talking to people who have had who has had it's a complicated relationship with your parents. There is stuff that parents have done in the past and if they continue to do so, right. And just because they birthed you does not mean that they get this entitlement for these to be the quote-unquote grandparents, that they are entitled to these holidays, right.
Speaker 1:So guess what I do, you guys, a couple days before, I usually do it, the night before Christmas Eve, hang out with my mother, and then my father a couple days after Christmas or that week after Christmas, running around to all of these houses. And same goes for his side of the family too, of like, for me, it is very important for my husband and I to build these new types of traditions for our core family and what works best for us, and then for building this, our own little traditions with Colin James, with the dictator, dictator. So then on Christmas, usually, and now what we've been doing on Christmas, too, is, later in the day, my sister she comes over and we get Chinese food, because, again, if you've heard me talk for 202 episodes, I have dropped nuggets of how I hate Christmas food and, like the Thanksgiving feast, will I kick it with some stuffed. What is it Stuffing? Yes, absolutely, but now it's like I enjoy. We get Chinese takeout on Christmas, right Like Christmas Eve. We have just done like a kind of a brunch spread. So that's again of how I'm trying to share with you, of creating traditions that you want to do and not what other people want you to do for them.
Speaker 1:So, also to relating with that, with how I have come to terms with, because I know, for a lot of years, it's like, oh, I don't want such and such to be alone on Christmas, because that's what I was conditioned into. I had to snap out of that and be like no, I'm doing what's best, and I'm sorry if somebody isn't happy with a couple of days before Christmas or a couple of days after Christmas. That is not my problem, though, because this is what I have offered, and you can take it or leave it Like it's still being presented, and it's about the time spent with somebody. I don't believe that. It's about the day, and that is where I'm trying to say if you have come from some emotional neglect and some PTSD and trauma from the people who birthed you, your parents, don't feel like you have to and there's still dysfunction going on to this day, don't feel, because that's the whole thing about dysfunction, and especially, too, coming from alcoholism, slash alcohol use disorder, of coming from that type of family, is there's the facade of well, you don't see them on June 1st, so why do we have to see each other on Christmas? But it's usually that the parents want the facade of like oh, here I am on Christmas with my kids and keeping up with that image, which is bullshit.
Speaker 1:So I hope this is making sense of sharing that. But I just want to let you know that if you have kids involved and you need to protect them, you protect them and protecting yourself as well of like you got to do what's best for you and your immediate family and for your sobriety and whatnot. But I empower you again to make your own traditions. I empower you to be like. You know what. I'm not running to around 25 different places because that's exhausting and I will tell you this running around like that when you're in the process of quitting drinking alcohol or you're living sober life, it's exhausting and it's just going to be too much. It's too much because you are in a sensitive spot right now and going and putting this energy out to all of these people. You can't be running around like that anymore. You just can't. It's like same thing that I have said on weekends you cannot overschedule yourself because right now it's a good time.
Speaker 1:A lot of people go inward in their recovery process and just kind of need to be silent. So if you want to sit at home and watch Home Alone one, two, three, four, feel free. I'm going to tell you, though, it does not really get better after two Home Alone two. So do what makes you feel good, do what's going to keep you sober. If you have to step outside your mother's house or your father's house or your uncle's house to take a couple deep breaths and get some cold winter air on your face, then do that, right. But then be like all right, I'm going to look at my watch At 630, I am out of here. I'm out of here. So again, you don't. Also, too, you don't need to give everybody a huge explanation of why you're not drinking. Think of a little white lie before you go in there and then go in there, and that is it, because I'm just reading just a couple.
Speaker 1:It was like how to answer the many questions from family. You don't have to. You don't have to sit there and explain it. You guys, even though they're your blood and they're your family, some of these motherfuckers do not owe you, do not owe them an explanation, and that is exhausting. You were there to maybe sit in front of a fire and just chill. Let's not even think about this too. And this is why I had to die, why I stopped running around to all of the places, cause I was still working in the pain clinic when I had my nine to five. Because I was still working in the pain clinic when I had my nine to five. Okay, I was still working in the pain clinic, and that was the only fucking day I had off, minus the weekends, right?
Speaker 1:So like to spend your one day off running around 25 different places answering to your aunt Sue like no, thank you, don't thank you, and sometimes it's just nice to be home by yourself doing your own thing. This isn't. It's family, family pressures, friend pressures. Same thing with friends. If you have to sit this out, sit it out. If you've been going to the ugly Christmas sweater party your friend's been throwing for the last 10 years and you're like I don't want to do it this year, that's okay. You don't have to do it. You are not hurting anybody's feelings. And if you're hurting somebody's feelings then they need some therapy. Okay, again, that's a them problem, not a you problem. And it's fine to sit things out if it's going to jeopardize your sobriety and just you're not in the mood that day. Right, that's how to handle the festival season when alcohol is forefront.
Speaker 1:So much, again, sometimes just sitting things out, putting a time limit on it, only participating in one out of the five events that are scheduled in a three-day period, maybe even to cooking too much. Go out to eat, go see a movie, switch it up, look on what's going around in your backyard and become a tourist in your city and start doing things you haven't done because you've been drinking in the same spot for 15, 20 years. Right, there's one more. I'm just reading these. I have these in a couple of places. Okay, so this one. This is again about family, and it was 500 plus days sober.
Speaker 1:Parents diminished my accomplishments and are making me face the consequences of my actions. Now won't move on from the past. I can never do enough. Okay, see, this is the thing where it's like that is now their issue, because you are proving that you are a year and a half at this point. Right, a year and a half, you're almost two years. Well, yeah, I hear. Am I doing a math on this? Right? Yeah, okay, so you're a year and a half into that. It's almost that two years. Like you are doing the thing your parents are going to then have to get. Your parents are going to have to deal with that. Right, like all you can keep doing is showing up. And on the flip side of that too is sometimes it does take I don't know your parents. Sometimes it does take people some time to move on, because not everybody has the tools of some healthiness, of being healthy and being mature and being emotionally aware, and not everybody who has had a child, spouse, family member, friend has gotten the help of how they can process what you did in your act of drinking. So you just have to again keep on trucking and continue to do you, and then that's the thing, too, where you're going to have to look at it. It's like if your parents are continuing to affect you and you're a grown-ass human, then you have to figure out how that relationship is going to look for you.
Speaker 1:My biggest theme of this episode is that you have more power than you think you do, and that is what happens in this space. It is very strange, and I also can. I'm going to have to do a solo episode on this. It is very strange because when you quit drinking, it's like, well, I don't want anybody to get like upset that I'm not drinking. I don't want them not to drink because of me. I don't want them to be weirded out that I'm not drinking right, like it's all about the other person and like I don't want to make anybody feel weird. And that's where you got to stop that. I know it's very normal to think of it in that, right. Or I don't want anybody to think that I'm boring now that I don't drink, right. It's a lot of thinking about other people, because so many of us are people pleasers, right. But that's where you have to empower yourself that now you're getting healthy for the people who choose to get healthy and to because not everybody who quits drinking is healthy, right, but I know the good people of the world listening are healthy folks, healthy, right, but I know the good people of the world listening are healthy folks, and you're getting healthy and you are starting to choose you and love you, and that is going to have to take that's number one. And whatever other people think about you, and if they don't choose to move on from their resentments towards you, it's because they're not getting healthy themselves. Okay, so, happy holidays. Happy holidays. I hope this helped.
Speaker 1:Again, you can apply these three tips to social situations, right, like same thing for a work Christmas party you guys, if you don't want to go, don't go, don't go. You don't have to go to work Christmas parties, okay, coming from the woman who used to love to rage at work Christmas parties and I still partake in some when I got sober there was a couple I sat out just because I didn't want to go. I'm like I don't want to go this year and that's okay, but some that I partaked in and I stayed until a point where then everybody was like starting to get on planet Pluto and I was like exit stage left, I'm going to go. I came, I participated, it was cool. Now it's time for me to go.
Speaker 1:Okay, so, like you don't, you don't have to. There's a reason, there's an RSVP, there's a reason. People can say yes or no, and that is all your choice. But if you decide to say yes and go, have fun, have fun, enjoy. Have fun until it's not fun anymore and you're noticing your internal clock where it's like I'm ready to go home. All right, I'm going to leave it at that. As always, let me know if this helps. Sign into my DMs on Instagram or leave a review. Make sure to subscribe to the show If you are looking for more help in your sober journey. Make sure to join the Sobriety Circle, if you're one, for group coaching. If not, I have my one-on-one coaching, so you can check the links in the show notes or go to my website, courtneyrecoveredcom. And again, happy holidays and let's enjoy the rest of 2024. Thank you.
