Sober Vibes Podcast
Welcome to Sober Vibes, where sobriety meets empowerment! Hosted by sober coach, author, and mom Courtney Andersen—who’s been thriving in her alcohol-free life since 8/18/2012—this podcast is your go-to space for real talk, proven strategies, and inspiring stories from women who are redefining what it means to live without alcohol.
Each week, Courtney dives deep into the topics that matter most—from conquering cravings and navigating social settings to rebuilding confidence and finding joy in sobriety. Whether you’re newly sober, in long-term recovery, or simply curious about life without alcohol, the Sober Vibes Podcast delivers the support, insights, and encouragement you need.
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Sober Vibes Podcast
Dealing with the “What If” Fear in Sobriety
Episode 204: Dealing with the “What If” Fear in Sobriety
In episode 204 of the Sober Vibes Podcast, Courtney dives into one of people's biggest roadblocks when considering a sober life: the fear of “what if.” These nagging doubts—like “What if I fail?” or “What if life isn’t fun without alcohol?”—can feel overwhelming and prevent you from taking the first steps toward freedom.
Courtney explains how to challenge these fears, reframe them, and move forward with courage. You’ll learn actionable strategies for embracing the unknown and creating a mindset that empowers your sobriety journey.
What you will learn in this episode:
- How alcohol keeps us stuck
- The "What If" mindset when it comes to sobriety
- How Soberity isn't a pass/fail
- How to reframe thoughts
Thank you for listening.
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Hey, welcome to the Sober Vibes podcast. I am your host and Sober's coach, courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 204. And in today's episode we are discussing the dealing with the what if fear in sobriety, what ifs right? So fear of the unknown can be very, very overwhelming, especially too when you quit drinking alcohol. Because then, on top of that, you're like well, what happens when I go to my first? How am I going to go to my first wedding and not have alcohol? How am I going to vacation slash holiday without booze? How am I even going to to my first wedding and not have alcohol? How am I going to vacation slash holiday without booze? How am I even going to get on a goddamn airplane without having three, four, close to a mile blackout on hopping onto that plane and flying? So that's where, in this particular thing of life, this particular subject, it's hard because alcohol has become so embedded into your mind, body and soul. It's really ingrained in there and it's so habitual. And when it becomes habitual and to that emotional dependency on booze, it's hard. There's a lot to unpack, okay. So it being overwhelming when you're considering a major life change like getting sober.
Speaker 1:So in this episode we are going to tackle the what if? Fears that can hold you back and explore ways to shift from fear to empowerment. Because I want to empower your ass today to either keep going on your sober journey or, if you were in that process of quitting drinking, for this to hit and be like all right, okay, this is another thing I can put into my memory bank and remember this going forward. Or this was the kick in the ass I needed to be like I'm done, because I know this month is hard. Okay, I'm not naive to that. There's a lot of parties, there's a lot of family stress, a lot of financial stress for people. Right, it's a lot, it's overwhelming. Is this the most wonderful time of the year? I think that's different for everybody and I just hope that this episode helps you today. That's why, in your sober life, you need to make it the most wonderful time for you, correct?
Speaker 1:So, understanding the what if? Here Common questions what if I fail and end up drinking again? What if life is boring without alcohol? What if I lose my social circle and ruin relationships? The number one I always get is what if I fail?
Speaker 1:And sobriety is not about pass fail, it's about getting better. It's about the awareness you're gaining in your life without alcohol. It's about, when flips happen, remembering like, oh shit, this is where this took me. I don't want to be there today. Before I recorded this podcast, I did a one-on-one with a client and she was talking about where she was like all right, I am waving the white flag, I can't do this anymore, right?
Speaker 1:Because some people have slips and that's a nice little reminder, and that's why I don't ever look at slips as failures. It's a lesson for you to learn in your journey and in your process, because this is very specific to each person. We handle shit differently. It's going to take some people 666 times to get burned on their hand before they're like oh shit, that stove is hot, right, like some people, it just takes two times. So everyone is different, and that's why I want you to understand that you're not a failure if you slip, okay, or end up drinking again, right.
Speaker 1:So these fears often stem from a desire for certainty, safety and control. When you're stepping into sobriety, the unknown can feel like a threat, right. And then that's where it's very easy, too, to go into the fight or flight mode response, because, again, you don't know what to expect. What you do know and what you have expected is how you have been living the last insert number of years. This is what you know when you drink alcohol. But this is what you try to do after you drink alcohol and you try to beat the system, and the only way to beat the system is to stop drinking. Right, I will say it again I think that the moderation, I think, is for people who are quote, unquote normal drinkers, and I truly believe that those normal drinkers kind of have a weird tolerance to alcohol. I mean, some normal drinkers still get a hangover, but it's like they don't have the chemical makeup, they don't have whatever stress that you have gone through. Right, because I still believe that, when it comes to alcohol use disorder, of the spectrum of what drinking is, it's 50% learned behavior and it's 50% genetics. I still believe in the genetic makeup on this and that it can be in these genes of yours, right? Especially now, too, of what we know of epigenetics and to breaking family cycles. So how to reframe the fear? Okay, this is a good one. So, instead of asking what if I fail, try what if I succeed.
Speaker 1:I just did a little Instagram story rant. We have been sick for the last week and I'm just cranky and I just got sick of the comments today where it's like Jesus, people like, please, let's stop dissecting posts apart and just look at something as like this could empower somebody to stop drinking today. Okay, that's all we need to do. Sometimes shit is not so deep, right, and sometimes on the old Instagram as you guys have heard me bitch about Instagram before a couple times of just with trolls, it's like sometimes you don't have enough character room to explain every little thing, have enough character room to explain every little thing. So what I was saying in my little rant on Instagram today that when it comes to sobriety and this is what I've been learning more and this is why I feel this with the cognitive behavioral techniques that I'm getting certified in I can't say therapy, because I'm not a therapist, so it's techniques, so it's just adding on to my coaching certifications, which I'm excited about.
Speaker 1:But what I have learned and what I have known of my own experience and learning on this, is that it really does come to you when you're making a life change, especially with this. It comes down to having a growth mindset, and I know it's very easy when you're stuck in a low place, to be like where the doom and gloom thinking comes. I get that, I totally get that. But you have to look at this of like well, can my life get any worse than now? Can it get worse? Because I think all it's going to do is go up from here when I'm taking a substance away that is actually hurting me and causing pain.
Speaker 1:Now, when I say hurting, you insert how it's hurting you, because if you were listening to this episode, if you were listening, if you press play on the Silver Vibes podcast, you know that alcohol is no longer serving you, and X, y, z and, however, it is not serving you. So if it's hurting you, where the next day you're having an internal goddamn battle with yourself of like why did I do that? I'm back here again, right? Or you're having that anxiety spiral the next day, or the shame spiral, right? Or if you ended up in jail. It's different for everybody, right?
Speaker 1:But that is why you have to start looking at this differently of what if I succeed and where can I go from here? So swap out to what if my friends judge me? Going back to the friend circle thing, what if my friends judge me? Or what if I inspire others? And I've said it on here, I say it On my sobriety circle meetings and my one-on-one clients. I've known this to be true because I have experienced it myself and have seen other people experience it when one of you in a friend circle quits drinking alcohol, there's going to be another one that follows, and where you quit drinking and then open yourself up by sharing that with your gal pals or your dudes, your bros, right, one of them is going to come to you within time and be like how did you do that?
Speaker 1:I think I have a problem myself, or I've been really wanting to cut back on drinking too. I don't want to keep doing the same old, same old. I don't want to keep watching fucking Harry dance in the corner at the same bar. You guys, I used to watch this one grown ass band. If I ever had to work at nights, I used to watch him. He would come in, yeah, cause I was up Friday, right. And so I used to do Fridays pre-2020 with Leah, who will do meetings in the sobriety circle from time to time, and her and I would watch the same grown man because I worked at that bar for so many years and he would put on the same goddamn song Dance in the Corner. Oh God, I don't know why I have never video recorded it, but sometimes I'm not going to lie I do have a screen recording of him dancing on somebody's Instagram story. So I do have that. I had to send it to Leah. Oh my God, look at this guy, he's still dancing to himself. Anyways, so that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:You're going to have somebody in the friend circle who's like I don't want to keep doing this. Or they're in a period of their life, they're in a quote unquote season of their life where it's like they got a mom the next day, wake up with the kid. It's just not impacting them. Or you have somebody who's going through the perimenopause menopause state and it's not working for them anymore. They don't feel good, and so when that happens to you, please sign into my DMs and let me know that you had a friend who was like, yeah, I kind of don't want to drink that much either, or drink at all. Can you help me so you actually could inspire others to make a change, a positive impact, in their life. So think about that right Practice turning fear-based questions into possibility and focused wants. All right, I have notes, so I'm going through my notes too.
Speaker 1:Why, fear isn't the enemy? Okay, fear is a natural part of change. Fear is good. When you experience that fear, it actually can be very exciting and the possibilities of like, okay, stepping into this new chapter, like again going back to like, what should I expect? Like I'm excited for what's to come. And when you open yourself up like that, you are inviting new people into your life and new possibilities. Yes, you've got to work on some stuff.
Speaker 1:When you enter in sober life, the stuff you created in the chaos of your act of drinking that will catch up with you and you do have to work on that in your sober life. But then you're also opening yourself up to new friends are going to come. What if you end up getting a job promotion because you are actually thinking differently, because of the clarity and you actually now have really really, really good ideas that people are starting to notice you? And if you want to climb up that ladder, fucking climb up that ladder. Or you just opened yourself up to a whole new job opportunity that you never thought was possible because you were stuck in your old drinking self and, as I've said before. That old drinking self is stale as buck. So we need to move forward.
Speaker 1:Okay, so, with fear being a natural part of change, it's a signal that you're stepping out of your comfort zone, and that's what's hard for so many of us, because we've gotten so comfortable doing what we've been doing and doing the same thing over and over again with the same people at the same spots. Right? I mean, I'm sure you could tell me what you've done every Friday for the last couple of years. I'm sure you have a spot you like to go to For me when I quit drinking, a spot you like to go to For me when I quit drinking. That is something I noticed. I was like oh my gosh, this is no judgment, this is all coming from a place of love, because I have once been there too, but it's coming from the place of like I get it. I was there, and so in my drinking days I realized I was like I went to like the same two places for like that last solid two years and didn't really try anything. I like didn't try anything new, like it was the same spots over and over and over again.
Speaker 1:So learn to recognize fear as a guide rather than a roadblock, right, and tap into that Like, what are you afraid of? Write it down. But then flip it and ask yourself what you're going to gain on the other side of like, of staying sober, staying alcohol free. What is the fear, what is holding you back? And if you, when you answer yourself in there like what your fear, what you're holding your back, it might get something a little bit deeper where you're like shit, I haven't thought about that in a long time, or that's something that I need to start working on then and tapping into myself of. Maybe I should start doing it at doing therapy, when I, when it's it's time, or go to meetings, maybe meeting an in-person community, right, or that there's something that you have to change up in your life.
Speaker 1:I said recently to a good gal pal of mine who is going through a hard time where I she was at a emotional rock bottom and I was like and I said this with Bob I was like it's time for you to start doing something radically different right now, because there's no place for you to go but up and that is the truth, but that you have to change. You have to change, you have to get out of yourself and do something different and start doing that every day, right. Do something different and start doing that every day, right. So, for example, if you are in a marriage where you're like this shit has been dead for years, then it's time for you to leave. If that is the possibility for you and that's a possibility for anybody, because anybody can leave right.
Speaker 1:It's some hard things you have to face, but it's going back to how do you want to show up in this life? And I want for every good person in the world who listens to this to show up their best selves and live that truly happy life. And your best self is your best self, whatever that looks like to you, but it's not still continuing to be drinking. That's not your best self. And again, if you press plate on that this podcast then it's not your best self. So you have to ask yourself these questions and work for this. And again, what's keeping you stuck? Okay, exact Nature is a proud sponsor of the Sober Vibes podcast, because we are both mission aligned.
Speaker 1:Both myself and Exact Nature are here to help support you in your sobriety. Exact Nature offers safe, healthy, cbd-based products of the cravings and changes in mood, focus and sleep that are a part of getting sober, founded by a father and son team, both in recovery. This issue is personal for both of them and they are a dream the nicest people. Their oils, soft gels and gummies can help with the challenges of quitting alcohol and drugs like addictive cravings, depression, anxiety and better sleep. Exact Nature's products are independently lab tested so you can be confident you're getting what the labels say and all their products are value priced so you'll get a full month of serving in every bottle as a Sober Vibes listener. Use code SV20 at checkout for 20% off your order at exactnaturecom. That's exactnaturecom, that's ExactNaturecom and, as always, I will put the link in the show notes below. I have been using Exact Nature for, I think at this point, a year and a half, maybe almost two years, for a long time. I use it every day and it has by far helped me with my mood. Again, exactnaturecom, enjoy.
Speaker 1:So here are some tools for facing the unknown. Some visualization Love it, love it, love it. Tap into that visualization. Picture your life free from alcohol, how you'll feel, the freedom you'll gain and the goals you'll achieve. A lot, too, of what I talk about is really connecting to that feeling. So if you have had a couple months of sobriety, you need to keep tapping into how not drinking is making you feel better, right? Or how that last time of you drinking how that made you feel, because you don't ever want to go back to that feeling, ever, ever, ever again. So you need to visualize that and really connect to specifically some old drinking days of like how you felt the next day, right. So some mantras you can use. I am stronger than my fear. The unknown holds endless possibilities. So let's start fucking embracing this. Let's do it. Here's some journaling props, too for you Write down your biggest what if?
Speaker 1:Fears and challenge them with logical, compassionate answers, like I said a little bit earlier, and dig deep into that, because your answers could be there. And this is the work you have to do. Okay, and even, too, if you've been sober, I still want you to do this because I know for those first couple of years that what if? Feeling is there. You tend to fear it until you don't, and I think I stopped really fearing like if I were to relapse, like if I were to relapse or drink again. I think I was about year five. I was like, okay, like I'm not going to fear this anymore because I didn't need to right and that it became more of like if I were to ever to drink again, it would be like okay, then I just know what I need to do to get myself. And even to this day when I've said like I just don't want to ever fucking experience a hangover like I used to, because my hangovers are violent Even when I get a migraine to this day, it triggers me to a sense of and it's not a bad trigger, right, like triggers can be good because they're a compass.
Speaker 1:And it triggered me when I have to dry heave that first trimester of being pregnant. Like I dry heave, like I had drank, like I had drank my ass off the night before because I was so sick. Those first I think come like week seven to I think it was like week 16. I was like sick and nauseous all the time and I was like, oh my God, this feels like being hungover times 25. But so anytime I get a migraine and I have to vomit and lay there for the day because I'm a person where the migraine sufferers out there, you will understand I'm out, I can't function with the migraine and then I lay there for a day. And then I'm like this day I laid here and I felt gross and I was in pain and I was dry heaving and this is very, very hungover-like and I don't like it. And so then the next day I'm like, oh God, I'm so glad I don't drink alcohol because I don't miss those days.
Speaker 1:All right, practical steps to take control, build a support network. Obviously. Set small, manageable goals, slash intentions for your first 30 days of sobriety. All right, even to again, if you're in this, keep setting goals for yourself every 30 days. It's just good to do to tap into goals, slash intentions, okay, and it just helps you keep showing up with the person you want to be. So if you are a person who doesn't want to drink alcohol anymore, that is how are you going to show up, you're going to get up. You're going to do your morning routine of tapping into what you need to tap into, let's say, a journal and some reading, and do that each day, because that grounds your ass and when you're grounded, then that can take you through the whole day of not drinking alcohol, right? So just set the goal, slash intention. I have just found with intentions that's easier to accomplish for a lot of people than the goals, because goals can seem very overwhelming to people, right? And then create yourself an emergency plan for moments of doubt or fear, right? So what would that look like If you are having moments of doubt or fear, like again, take to journaling and write this out.
Speaker 1:Call somebody and talk it out with them. Journaling and write this out, call somebody and talk it out with them. This is why it's good to have a therapist. If you can get with a therapist, express these, right. If you are working the 12 steps. You have a sponsor, talk with your sponsor about it. If you have a coach, talk with your coach about it and work it out.
Speaker 1:Also, too, a good emergency plan is when you're having moments of doubt or fear is to take your ass for a walk and walk it out, and after 20 minutes you're going to feel better and just realize like okay, that was just a thought, I'm not going down the rabbit hole here, and that exercise, that exercising or that walking helps me not think about it anymore, like it kind of, just like the feeling came, I coped with this in a healthy way and I feel better now and I'm not having those thoughts. So sometimes, too, it's just all about with the emergency plan for moments of doubt and fear. It's just about how you cope with it and those coping mechanisms can help right. So here are some real life benefits of letting go of fear Deeper, more meaningful connections with others, a stronger sense of self-worth and authenticity, and a clear and focused mind free from fog of alcohol.
Speaker 1:I love it. So, again, that fear you're holding on to is very much connected with you still drinking alcohol, and that is where you need to figure it out for you and what the fear is okay and, like I said, fear is good. When you walk through it and you start living life without alcohol, day by day, you then realize what a badass motherfucker you are and what you can handle and that you are a tough bitch. I say bitch with love, okay, but that in that then you're starting to build self-confidence, because quitting drinking alcohol is one of the hardest things you will ever do in this world, truly, and when you do it you're like God damn, what else you got for me. You know what I mean. I mean maybe not so inviting to other things, but you just get that confidence and it's a self-esteem booster man and it's just like, yeah, I'm a tough bitch and for a very long time I didn't think so, because I was clouded by alcohol and I was trying to control something that I couldn't control anymore. So you really do build a lot of resilience too when you quit drinking alcohol, okay. So I hope this episode helped too.
Speaker 1:Just let you know, for the month of December the sobriety circle I am giving I was not going to do any Cyber Monday or Black Friday specials. I just I cannot Even too like last week I started to and I do this around this time every year started unsubscribing from emails, from text messages. When you get on somebody's text message alerts. I started unsubscribing to that because that type of shit becomes very overwhelming and chaotic and just the noise where you're like do I need to do this? Do I need this shit? I don't really need this. And even, too, I shared on my last email of some Amazon. There was some good Amazon cyber deals and it was just the stuff that I shared. It honestly just came down to stuff that was actually good quality and that was useful that I got from Amazon. There's some good travel stuff that they have on Amazon. I will say that that's good quality and even this luggage I got on Amazon. So my point is I'm sorry to kind of go to the left there I was not sending out any, and I don't usually. I don't think I ever have, it's just not my vibe.
Speaker 1:So for the month of December, I wanted to offer this before January because the price will go up in the new year. But I wanted to offer you, if you are interested in joining the Sobriety Circle or just coming and checking it out for a month. There's two meetings a week, lots of personal development in there, sober check-ins, supportive community of all females, and I'm giving your first month for $15. After that, your first month for $15. After that it will be $25. If you join now, you will not be charged more. In the new year. You will have locked in the founding member rate but, like I said, you can use code SOBERHOLIDAY at checkout.
Speaker 1:And if you're listening to this in real time, this is only for the month of December of 2024. So I hope to see you in there. Lots and lots of supportive women and coaching, if you need it in there in connection. And we also do a book club and workshops. So I have a workshop on Saturday at noon. I like this one because I'm going to do a lot more of some visualization things that I am learning and lead you through a little visualization in this workshop that I'm doing. All right, I'm going to stop talking. I hope you enjoyed episode 204 and I will see you on the next one. As always, keep on trucking and stay healthy out there.
