Sober Vibes Podcast
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Sober Vibes Podcast
Creating Inclusive and Sober-Friendly Events w/Laura Nelson
Episode 213:Creating Inclusive and Sober-Friendly Events w/Laura Nelson
In episode 213 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Anderen welcomes Laura Nelson to the show and discusses the need to revolutionize traditional conference culture by making events more inclusive for sober individuals.
Laura Nelson shares her journey to sobriety and discusses actionable steps to create welcoming environments that foster genuine networking and connection without the focus on alcohol.
Laura Nelson, M.S., FAADOM, is a dental industry speaker and educator with over 20 years of experience in dental practice management. She founded Front Office Rocks, an innovative online training platform that improves dental office efficiency. Laura also co-founded Sober Life Rocks, a supportive community for professionals making sober choices.
• Laura's personal story of getting sober
• The focus of drinking culture at current conferences
• Rethinking networking opportunities beyond alcohol
• Suggestions for creating engaging programming without drinking
• Importance of appealing sober beverage options
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Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Vibes podcast. I am your host and sober coach, Courtney Anderson. I also like to add that I'm your go-to guide to living life without booze. Welcome. This is episode 213. If you're new here, thank you for pressing play on the Sober Vibes podcast today.
Speaker 1:So I have an awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome guest on today and I really enjoyed this conversation and I think you will too. And what we talk about is planning sober-friendly conferences okay and making it more inclusive and focusing on things more to do than just the bar, Because a lot of people have to travel for these conferences and we get into them and you go and it's like a weekend party, but then for some, it's like you wake up Sunday morning being like what the hell did I do last night? Did I just embarrass myself in front of all my co-workers and this whole industry? So my guest today her name is Laura Nelson, and Laura Nelson is a dental industry speaker and educator with over 20 years of experience in dental practice management. All right, she is also co-founder of Sober Life Rocks and it's a supportive community for professionals making sober choices. She also just released a book this past fall and it's called the Inclusive Invent Planner, A Quick Start Guide to Planning Sober Friendly Conferences. You are going to find all of Laura's information in the show notes below.
Speaker 1:Again, I really enjoyed this conversation because I do believe, when it comes to the workspace, we need to get it together because a lot of the focus is on the happy hours, the Christmas parties, where you get all messed up right, Like all of it, and the tide needs to change Because, to be honest, that shouldn't be the focus. It just shouldn't be the focus. And shouldn't that be an HR problem? The boss getting all the employees messed up right. We're not blaming it all on the boss, but I'm just saying the tone of these need to change. So check it out, Let me know, cite into my DMs and let me know what you think of today's episode and, as always, keep on trucking and kicking ass out there. Hey Laura, welcome to the Sober Vibes podcast. I'm so glad that you're here today and we get to chat.
Speaker 2:I'm excited about this. We've been talking about this for a while, so here we are.
Speaker 1:So why don't you tell us about when you got?
Speaker 2:sober. So I got sober in 2020. I wasn't necessarily looking to get sober because I was afraid of life on the other side of sobriety, but I knew I was just tired of the wrestling I was doing in my head, traveling and speaking and doing all the things I do for business and wondering how much is alcohol serving me and not serving me. So I stopped drinking. I finally decided January 2020 that I needed a break and stopped drinking and haven't looked back since. It's been amazing, luckily, I think, for me. Right after I stopped drinking, two months later, the world shut down. So I kind of got stuck at home for a couple of years, but now back on the road speaking and doing my day job. Part of my passion and initiative is to spread the word now, because I think there's so many things that are maybe broken or need to evolve when it comes to the area of sobriety, which we'll talk about.
Speaker 1:What were you? I always like to hear it from people. What were you scared of on that other side of sobriety? What was holding you back? Because I'm sure you thought about this for quite some time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we all have that internal thoughts, right, mine was. I didn't think you could have fun without alcohol and I didn't. My dad, my whole life growing up, warned me be careful. We have alcoholism in our family, but nobody in my family was sober, so I was watching everybody going all right, well, we just have to control it, because we don't want to become an alcoholic. And my idea of an alcoholic was brown bag drinking out of brown bag on the side of the street. I didn't see myself as a mom. I was a professional speaker, I had my own business, and so when I really started to assess my relationship, my biggest thing was I don't think I can have fun without it, like I just. And then I started meeting people who were sober, who were fun and they were doing life and I'm like, well, if they can do it, I can do it. So I do think that fear of being an alcoholic or being not having that problem kept me from actually embracing the idea of I don't necessarily need alcohol in my life to have fun.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's very interesting of where fear, how fear can keep you stuck. But also too, I didn't think about it until you said it too, because that was thrown at me too when I was young about alcoholism running in the family. So I didn't drink until I was 19. I mean, I dabbled a little in high school, but it wasn't until I was 19. For so many years I was like I'm never going to turn out like that, I'm never going to be like that. And so then I almost wonder was that the right approach to take it to talking about alcoholism running in the family? Right, because same thing would happen with you. So it's like then you have the thought well, like, let me just control this. And alcohol is something you cannot control, you can't control it, and I know good people in the world that some people don't like to hear. Like I don't want to say that I'm powerless over alcohol and it's not that, but let's just say that it is when alcohol you ingest it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You cannot control it after a certain point, especially too when it comes problematic and starts taking over the brain as well, and then it becomes so habitual. So I just I think that is interesting for maybe another conversation another day on how you talk about alcohol and alcoholism and alcohol use disorder with children.
Speaker 2:Yes, 100%. And I do think that, because the other thing, the other thing is, is either you are, you aren't. That's how I felt. It's like you are, you aren't. Well, I'm not so that I must not be like I. That's how I was sort of assessing myself and literally it was. I'm sure anybody listening to your podcast has heard of this. But the gray area drinker gray area drinking on Ted talk that was the video that I watched and I was like that's me where it's. It's not yes or no and it's a. It's not.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's a self-diagnosed disease in many cases and it's like well, no, I'm on the spectrum, I just don't like the way this trajectory is going and I'm. I don't want to have to wait till I'm at rock bottom to make a difference, and that doesn't make it any easier. That doesn't make it any. I didn't have to stand on a mountaintop and say I am or I'm not. It was, it's a. It's a very personal thing, but it can be. It can be a lot of energy, and for me it was just wasn't worth it anymore. So I decided in 2020, I was done and, and the thing is is, I went into it very curious and wondering what is life on the other side? And I wouldn't go back if I had a choice, just because life is so good on the other side.
Speaker 1:Right. Well, how was so those first couple months for you quitting? How was?
Speaker 2:those. Yeah, I mean we all have like the first few the first day, first week. I actually joke about this. So I like I said I'm a speaker in the dental industry and I couldn't tell anybody in my career that I was drinking Like everybody was drinking on social media when I was at home trying not to drink. So what I did is I went to TikTok and just made a TikTok channel and told the world over there about my first few days. But I did it that my first year is mostly for journaling because I didn't want to go back and feel this way. I actually remember I stopped smoking in college and I remember the first day of quitting in the first week and the first, and then I went back to try to smoke later and had to quit again. I'm like I don't want to go through that over and over and over again. So I think the first few days, few weeks, is hard on anyone and then it's a matter of putting the bottle down as the first thing. Then now you got to work on yourself and then it's really the journey that many people have taken because it's like all right, well, now I got to learn how to do life without having that crutch and that in my back pocket.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do you ever miss cigarettes? Do I miss it? And you know it's funny once in a great while, just like a glass of wine. Right, I'll walk by somebody smoking a cigarette and I'll get a whiff of it and I'm like that smells, huh, that smells good. But then, and then it goes away. I play it out because I know it's an addictive substance. So then I'm like, well, if I smoke one, I'll smoke a pack. Right, it's the same with wine. You walk by or a glass of something, and you're like, oh, a glass of wine right now would be good. But then you play. It's also not worth it. And this urge will go away in a couple of minutes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I used to smoke and if the world ends I will go down smoking some Parliament lights. But that's where this is funny, because when I do smell cigarette smoke I'm like give me right. And then when I used to bartend sober, when I would open up a red wine, I'm like this shit smells terrible.
Speaker 2:So it's just funny where.
Speaker 1:I was like even to beer. I'm like when I used to smell those taps. I'm just like, oh God, alcohol smells terrible, but not cigarettes.
Speaker 2:Well and I think it's a different. We have all our different senses, right. So I don't think that alcohol smells good, but I think the idea of sitting at a bar having a glass but I could sit at a bar and have tea, like you're having, like it doesn't. And so with smoking, if I see somebody smoking, I'm thinking what a pain, especially like where it's really cold. You're standing out in the snow, you're shaking and you're trying to have the cigarette. It's like that doesn't look fun at all, right. So I'm sure our senses see it differently.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely. I think the drinking is more a visual thing, because with smoking it does. It's a lot of like the hand to mouth. I mean, I get it. With drinking it is too. But I just think that the drinking has just been looked upon. It's been more visually stimulating than anything, because it's so romanticized and whatnot. But yeah, cigarettes. But yes, quitting smoking cigarettes is one of the hardest things that you offer to.
Speaker 2:Well, and that's another thing too. It's like, and it's we have to respect the fact that they're both addictive substances. There's a reason that we and they're addictive, and it does take overcoming that addiction when you decide that you don't want to smoke or drink anymore.
Speaker 1:it does take overcoming that addiction when you decide that you don't want to smoke or drink anymore, Right exactly. So thank you for sharing your story. Let's chat now about planning sober friendly conferences, because I think this is huge and I hope this helps somebody who is out there who organizes these events or might take this to a lot of events that they go to. So for you, when you were drinking, did this thought of sober friendly like there's, did that thought ever come into play with you? Did you notice it in your drinking or clearly, was it after you got sober?
Speaker 2:Well, it's funny because, if I look back, I looked forward to the conferences, right, because it started at the airport, then on the plane and then at the hotel. You walk in to check into a conference and everyone's at the bar and you walk up to the bar and then you go to the events and then happy hour starts, it seems earlier and earlier. So when I was drinking it was like, yeah, game on right. This is part of the reason that we go to the conferences. But now, on the other side, after two years of being shut down for the pandemic, I started going to conferences again and events, and one of the things that I've found was we can get all this content online. We can listen to podcasts, we can watch YouTube videos. We can learn all the things online.
Speaker 2:We go to the conferences for the connection, to see people, to connect to network, but as soon as the bars roll up and anybody who's been to an event can visualize this we're in a conference room and they roll up these black bars and they set out the beer and wine and everybody stands in line and that's how the evening event starts.
Speaker 2:That's really where I started noticing, where it's like, okay, well, I can hang around for 45 minutes or an hour, but when it really gets heavy drinking I'm like, well, I'm going to go back to my room, right, and then I'm there to network and connect, but I'm going back to my room and I'm an extroverted person and this just seems like a shame. I thought I was the only one, but over the last year and a half of this, this mission that I'm on, I'm finding I'm not the only one. There's a good percentage of us in the room who are either sober, soberish, sober curious. They not even necessarily in recovery, just don't want to drink anymore or want to drink less, or don't want to drink at a work event, or there's so many reasons to make our conferences more sober, inclusive.
Speaker 1:But isn't it crazy how it's so wild, because you look at this and you're like man, these work events are used as excuses to just get effed up the whole weekend. And that is like what you said. Like there's people who want to go there and like want to return home feeling normal, like they still got to get home, maybe to young children, or they just don't want to feel like a bag of shit after a three-day conference. So it's just very interesting how the work environment has been now just set up to. Okay, I'm not going to say all of them, but there's no mindfulness that is going into these types of events or work situations.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's beyond. It's not just the drinking. I mean, drinking is a huge part of it. But just think about it A lot of times you go to the conferences, you never leave the hotel, you don't get an exercise in the morning, you drink too much, you eat too much, you stay up too late. So when, especially for companies that are paying lots of money thousands of dollars to bring this team in or an executive team in or whatever, and we're, instead of filling them up, which is what we want to do, we're failing them, we're sending them home hungover, full, uncomfortable, maybe some regretfulness, some debauchery, some not having a job when you get home. Who knows right, it's just, it's. It's backwards. And and I think that alcohol, as we know, is the start of it, because as soon as you start drinking and make it, then all of your inhibitions go down, the things you say and the way you dance, and what you eat, it all just goes in the wrong direction.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and especially too, I mean these conferences. I'm sure that there's a lot of drug use Like, honestly, this is not, this is not surprise. And then sex having sex with people you meet there and again waking up the next morning and be like what did I do? I was just supposed to come here and learn about braces I'm just using your detail, but I was just supposed to come here. And it really makes me think, too, of these conferences. It's like just because in the past couple of years there's been more and more shows created on about the pharmaceutical reps, right, and the conferences that they have attended, where it was getting these people messed up and them to sampling Oxycontin and drinking on top of that, where it was just more of a debacle. Granted, I get it, that was Hollywood's take, but it doesn't surprise me that that happened, so nothing should shock people anymore of like this is what a lot of these conferences that might not be the intention but ends up happening, of people just partying.
Speaker 2:Right, well, and what I've done? Because my book came out in November and I've talked to so many people about it, getting ready for the book, and everybody I talk to they say their industry is the worst and that's how I knew the book was necessary, because I'm in the dental industry and I thought ours was the worst. But I hear pharmaceutical doctor, lawyer I mean I was just talking to a lawyer a few minutes ago and he said his conferences, of course they are right. And then one industry packs up, the next industry shows up and the same thing happens the next week.
Speaker 2:And the change has to happen with the event planners, with the meeting organizers, to realize that first, there's a percentage of people who aren't even going to their conference. They're finding ways to not go because they know, especially if they are, they don't drink in recovery. Worried about that. The second thing is is that then they we need to have better events so they know it's safe to come and have better options for them, have better networking have, because we use alcohol as a society as the currency of connection. And so now you take alcohol out of the mix. Potentially. We were like a bunch of middle schoolers showing up at a dance like how do you network, how do we meet other people? And so making your conference more inclusive isn't just about the alcohol part of it or sober options. It's about the actual all of the programming around around the conference to make it good for anybody coming.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and social awkwardness has been around since the day of time, and this is not just a post 2020 thing Like I mean, 2020 did not help anybody's cause but like this is social awkwardness and that's why a lot of people drink too.
Speaker 1:I mean, for years upon years, upon years, I watched it and that is I watched it as a bartender. You and I did a lot of private parties and it was just like you saw the awkwardness of people showing up. So, like I just want everybody, next time you have to go to event, just watch, just be an observer of people at five o'clock, the awkwardness, the ha ha ha, like the weird ass laughing right, like the interaction, the exchange is odd and then, within a period of two hours it's a two hour time shift that then people start to get loose, they start taking off their jackets, they start sweating a little bit more and then, given another two hours and people's fucking ties are around their foreheads and it just keeps escalating and escalating, and escalating, and you can just see it with the alcohol of it's taking its place and then always, by the end of the night, there is some chick being carried out by a husband or some dude just being a complete asshole because he's so belligerent. So I mean it happens.
Speaker 2:Yes, well, and I was at a conference, kind of. The beginning of this was a year and a half ago, july, and it's a conference where it's about new business coming into dental. A lot of business professionals, a lot of young women trying to like get opportunities on C-suite, and they're dressed to the nines and they're in the, they're in their heels and everybody's business, business, business during the day and then the bar rolls out at five o'clock and by eight or nine o'clock that night, all of the work that these and not just women, but I was watching them as a woman all the work they were doing to earn the respect during the day, they felt the need to be part of this stand around the bar and network, cause that's all we do at the conferences. And then I watched the way they were on the dance floor and at the events at night and I'm like all the work you just did was lost, like all of that, and so it.
Speaker 2:And we don't realize it, right, we, we, alcohol takes that from us. And then we're at these, these functions. I mean there's a lot of times I look back and I'm like, wow, wonder how I look during that. I don't know that. That was the best thing right, and I never thought I'd be on the side of talking about sober choices at conferences, but I've been on both sides and I can see where it's broken. The system's broken.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's that's. That's where it's an observation from you, that's no judgment and that's how I feel, like when I I I did the bartending thing and my active addiction with, with alcohol and then I did it sober and I'm glad I had two perspectives and that's always the thing it's. It's just like if you sit back and watch people and observe, like it's human beings are very interesting and the thing with social awkwardness is, if you're not right, so like in person, but then it's like you can't be, you can't help who you're met with, because some people just don't have that art of interaction. They just don't have it and it doesn't make them a good or bad person, it's just something that they. Just some people don't have it. So drinking for them is a way to then die down those nerves of having to interact. And it's sad too with the ladies' things of what you're saying, because then it's like you want to be respected and for women we've had to do this where it's like we want to be respected by, by our peers, especially if it's male-dominated industry, and then you want to hang out with them and drink like a dude and keep up with the boys, like it's. It's a lose-lose because, like you said, you lose all credibility. Because for women it's so different. Because if a woman gets drunk at a conference, right, and does something that is embarrassing the next day, it's like, well, that crazy bitch, she drank too much. And if a dude did it, oh, he was just having a good time. She drank too much. And if a dude did it, oh, he was just having a good time.
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Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah for sure, and in the expectation we can pick when we choose not to drink, we can pick who we hang out in our personal life with, where we go, what restaurants we partake we go to. But when you go to a conference or an event, it's usually work related or something like that right and networking related thing, and you don't get the option, especially if you are in like a sales position or some sort of a position where you've got to host the, the wine dinner or you've got to be at the whatever event. We don't get those choices and so that's part of like we just sort of fake it, throw a line in it. We don't want to talk about it like walk around with our fake drink, but we, if we could actually change the environment so that it's more inclusive for the members and for people going, maybe there'd be a little less of that right. Maybe there'd be less people who have to hit rock bottom to where I didn't want to get for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do you, though, find, though? I mean I just wonder if a lot more companies do Christmas parties, because those are I mean, those are disastrous. The last Christmas party I drank at, I asked one of my owners if he liked blowies, and that was like the last. I mean, thank God, him and I had a great relationship and he is now sober too. So, like he, I mean, thank God, him and I had a great relationship and he is now sober too. So he got it, but it was just like. That is the last thing I remember before blacking out at that last Christmas party, and after that they slowly started dialing back not because of me, but everybody got messed up, but it was like they started capping it where it's like, okay, we're doing this for two hours, you guys go have fun. So I just wonder if, if, even too, with holiday parties, it's like the drinking it's got to be dialed back somehow.
Speaker 2:Well, and that's where my book is focused on event planners, conference planners, but also HR professionals, because HR is the one like, oh geez, we're about to open up a can of worms, right?
Speaker 2:But I do think there was a push since 2020 to start having events again. People miss the connection and and but then that doesn't mean that the rules have changed or that they're any better. And wellness is beyond sobriety. Wellness is a is a hot subject, right. People are trying to get I mean, I've been to so many wellness panels recently at conferences and they're talking about breath work and yoga and eating and exercise, but they're not talking about alcohol.
Speaker 2:And so I was on my first wellness panel two months ago and I was like kudos to you guys, because if you're going to talk about getting up and exercising and traveling and eating well, you probably need to talk about alcohol in there. And that's not saying everybody has to quit drinking, that's just saying it is a wellness factor. I mean, what we put in our body and the response we get from it and how we react is important to think about your relationship with alcohol.
Speaker 1:Yes, 1000%, and that's where that wellness, that whole wellness industry, it's like it's kind of a crock, because it is You're not taking in alcohol and taking consideration alcohol. But also too, are any of these conferences sponsored by alcohol companies?
Speaker 2:Is that allowed? I don't know. I don't know about the conferences themselves. I will tell you that we're having a battle getting above the meeting planners now with the hotels and conference centers because they by food by the big alcohol companies. So, like a good example is I've been doing a lot of these this year and I have a lot of stories in my book to show where we got to look two steps forward, four steps backwards, kind of a thing Like they're bringing us like non alcohol, one non alcoholic beer option. It's like I didn't drink that beer when I was drinking. I'm not going to drink that beer non-alcoholic. Do we have better options? And they're hitting a wall at the corporate higher level because big alcohol controls so much of that.
Speaker 2:So that's really what my mission is with 2025 is to get better options at the bars, and I actually I want to ask you this if it's good, because you've got the bartending background. The biggest thing that I'm having an issue with, too, is that the bars at the hotels and convention centers are run by the restaurants and the bar, but the food and beverage run conferences. So the black bars that they roll up, the people that they put behind the black bar, are not necessarily trained bartenders, right, and so they don't know how to do anything but open a bottle a lot of times and pour it, and if there's not better options there, that's where we're dropping the ball. If you go to a bar now, you can usually get a mocktail made by a real bartender, right Like somebody who's trained, do you? I mean, have you found that when you've been like at conferences, that the little black bars that roll up are more of food and beverage people who also deliver food and serve during the events, versus bartenders?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean that all goes into like the catering aspect of it too, and like, if you're hiring out a cater company, they have their own staff. So it really is upon these cater companies to have their staff has some pizzazz in them, right, and being able like okay, well, we need to make this. But again, that's also to going back with the events, because my guess is that the events is telling them what they want, right, like this is no different than planning. If you had to plan a wedding Like this is what I want to plan, a wedding Like this is what I want.
Speaker 1:So, like, the people planning this need to tell these people like I want the bartenders to have some type of knowledge in mocktails, and not that they not that they need to be sitting there and like Flanagan up that's Tom Cruise's character in cocktails, being a Flanagan behind this little black bar, right but like, have somewhat of some knowledge of like okay, well, here's like these are two mocktails that we can serve you, so at least they know the ingredients and that, and they can, they can make it real quick. So that's something that the the people hosting the gigs need to tell these catering companies, because these catering companies probably didn't even think of that.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and that's in the book. One of the chapters is about mocktails that you should be able to make at any bar. Any version of these you should be able to make at any bar. They're not. You don't need all the fancy alcohol-free things, we just need better options because you can have adult beverages without alcohol. That's the biggest thing is, you can make adult and I don't want the the sticky sweet mocktail thing over with a dispenser that looks like a kid's cup in the corner. I want to be served like everybody else when I go to these events.
Speaker 1:Well, and that goes back to when I bartended. I mean the town I bartended in and the place I bartended. It was very cheers and I was there for a very long time. So I had a lot of regulars who also followed me on social media so they knew I was sober. But so for those who started to not drink during the time that I worked, they would come up to me and be like can you just make it look like a cocktail?
Speaker 1:And I was like sure, no problem. But even people who didn't know, like I always used to have, of course, pregnant women who haven't shared yet Like can you just make me something that looks like a cocktail and that's on the bartender not to be an ass and like like present it? Yeah, that's a whole, that's a whole personal like. It's on the bartender, because some bartenders get really in their feelings if they have to do something that doesn't not have alcohol in it, which it's ridiculous, because because these mocktails are now going as the same price as a cocktail and people are still going to tip you on that. And listen, there's a lot of people who actually, who are non-drinkers, who will tip you more if you treat them like a human being.
Speaker 1:And that's what, when it comes to service industry, like treat people like human beings and I actually always, because I love elderly people like to my core. I love the greatest generation, I love elderly people, right, and I would always love to wait on them and I would have friends be like. I hate waiting on old people. They don't tip you. I'm like because you don't treat them like a human being. You speak to them like assholes, like like we're all going to that age. So, to any bartender listening, just treat people like human beings and you will see that your tip will increase. And I always had elderly people and they would tip me over 20%. And I would show my friend Diane, I'm like, look at this, that's awesome, that's awesome.
Speaker 2:So that's a bartender thing of where, like, these bartenders need to get it together Right For sure and like, again, the disconnection that I'm finding is the event planners are asking for sober options. The hotel or the venues are saying, yeah, sure, we've got something for you. And then it goes down to the bartender and many times I show up, I'm kind of like you people know I'm sober and I show up and they're like we have mocktails for you and I'm like, okay, cool, thank you. But we need this connection to be better, because I actually was at an event where they were handing out they were supposed to be sober free or alcohol free drinks and we had little swizzle sticks with our logo on it to hand out to the attendees who wanted it. They were putting the swizzle sticks in hurricanes.
Speaker 2:We were in New Orleans and I went up to the girl that had one and I said is that alcohol free? And she said, yeah, he told me it was alcohol free. Well, I don't know how to make a hurricane, but I think you can't make it without alcohol. There's not much to it without alcohol. And I went to the bartender and I said is that alcohol free? And he goes, I think so.
Speaker 2:And then I went to the meeting planner and they're like no, that's not, that's a problem and the girl came up to me who was drinking and she said oh my gosh, I haven't drank in five years. I'm so tipsy I didn't realize there was alcohol in there. Now that was a funny story. But if it was somebody counting days or somebody newly pregnant or somebody like this is where the disconnect is, is we have to respect that when people don't want alcohol in their drinks and bartenders don't know and they're just doing what they're told by the catering company or food and beverage and they're not respecting and realizing that this would make a big difference for a lot of people and just be more aware, right, be more educated in it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, because there's that's also too like that. I mean that's disconnection of communication between a manager telling their employee and I do have to say, of being on that, of understanding that there has been times when I used to show up to a private party and was not told, was not told the 411 of like even to have what food they would be served, and it's like, dude, tell me what's going on, so I know the room Right right, that really does come down to management employee communication.
Speaker 2:Exactly, which is why the book I mean it's a free download for anybody who wants to download it, because that is, it's more than the mocktail. That's kind of where I feel like I should have written named the book it, that is, it's more than the mocktail. That's kind of where I feel like I should have written named the book. It's more than the mocktail. It's not just about the drinks, it's about communicating with your bartenders, it's about pushing, having better options. It's not. Alcohol is not going anywhere. Let's just not make it the focal point. Let's not make it the main part of the evening events. Right, have something else, have ways to help people network. Have alcohol, it's fine, but realize and I just think that in the meeting space we haven't put a spotlight on it and it's time to put a spotlight on it- Right.
Speaker 1:So what are three ways then to incorporate or slash, build a more sober, friendlier conference.
Speaker 2:So the first is to make sure that people know, before they even register or show up, that it is going to be sober friendly. So in your wording, your invitation mocktails will be there, like just things that will let people know they're going to be able to come and it's not going to be all about the alcohol, right, and that alone will be the first step. The second thing I would say is networking doesn't have to happen only in the evening over alcohol around the bar.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you could have a networking event in the morning over coffee. You can have events during the day where there's networking options, where people are actually going to remember the conversation. That's what we're there for. And when they go to the evening event, they already know some people, they already are connected with a few people. And then the other thing I would say is look at the programming of what you're doing in the evenings. If all you're doing is the bar, you're going to lose a percentage of people who are at your event. But if you can bring in things like whatever karaoke games, networking, something comedian there's I have a list of things in my book that alcohol can be part of it but make there be an event that people want to go to, because that's the main event and then the alcohol is just a sideline.
Speaker 2:And then, of course, having better options at your bar, which is a whole, that's the whole thing on the actual drinks that you have. But the event itself could be way more inclusive. And then people are going to remember the next day, they're going to talk about it and there might even be people at your event who do drink but don't want to overdrink, so they might have a drink and then, if you have better options, they'll switch to something else, because right now there's no other option, so you might as well have another glass of whatever? Right? And as a meeting center, the goal is to get people to show up and go to your events during the day, right, yeah?
Speaker 1:Well, like, yeah, even if you did like at nighttime like dessert and had more like a dessert, like I don't know. I mean, it might seem like all of this stuff might end up seeming childish to some, but it is actually like if I was at a conference and they're like oh, we have this raging dessert bar tonight. I'm there, like, like it's just. I almost think, though we're at a point where and I know this is going to sound it's probably going to sound like it's I don't know, I don't know if a contradiction, but like I just feel like people don't want to take themselves as serious nowadays because it's such a serious world. So that is where, like, bring in some fun, some like good hearted fun that yeah, it's not centered around alcohol, where then somebody is going to shame themselves the next day, or like just some light heartedness. Or even if it was just like I don't know painting, just like something, like I had one of those like painting classes, but bring in something like that and like this is fun, it's focused on something to do.
Speaker 2:There's so many. There's so many options and I and I give a lot of examples in the book of ideas that you can use in your event, whether it's five people or 5,000 people. Also, the the furniture placement. So if we're all standing around a bar and that's the main thing some people are going to be like I'm out. If you've got the loud DJ or the loud band, that's amazing and have the party, but have an overflow area, not a kid's area, not a separate, but like an overflow area outside of the loud party, where there's also furniture and stuff, where, like you and I, could sit down and network and somebody could easily walk up and sit and talk with us and then when the song comes on that I love, I'm going to run back in and dance but then I want to come back out and keep the conversation going, because the hope is that we keep the people there as long as possible.
Speaker 1:Their industry is the worst when it comes to this. And then, like when you were naming them and I was like, well, those are all high level positions where the stress is high, right, like it's a it's a stressful industry and a lot of those of what you named off are the like top five careers. People who have that career have the highest amount of drinking problems.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I actually was just interviewing with somebody who does is a meeting planner and she said Well, dental is the worst. And I said, oh, that's funny, everybody's I'm in the dental industry Everybody says that she goes. No, no, I actually did meeting planning and dentists, doctors and nurses are the worst, which I actually think is quite ironic because these are the professionals who know what alcohol do does to your body and then still chooses to do it Right. But yeah, I think I think and again, I mean, like you said, evening events and holiday events and just thinking about there might be somebody here who doesn't want to drink and having some options have your mimosa bar, but also have some other options where I can make something else that doesn't have alcohol, you can.
Speaker 2:I had a friend come up to me once and we were at a bar at a at a hotel and we were checking in. It was two of us checking in and he said hey guys, we're at the bar, can I get you guys a drink? And we're all like. And he looked at me and he followed me on TikTok and he goes oh, oh, dude, I'm sorry, I'm sorry and I'm like I still drink, like I just don't want alcohol Like, yeah, I would love to have a drink and so it's just a matter of bringing awareness to this and helping people realize that there are just some people who are quietly suffering or quietly sober and we don't need to be doing that anymore. Like we can really come out and say, hey, I want better options and my hope is the book. When a meeting planner goes how what? Send them a copy of my book right and let them look at it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're in an age where it's like, even if you don't have a problem, alcohol can't be the answer for everything. And it's so centered. I'm a big believer of like stop, giving alcohol as a gift. Like stop. I don't even care if you think that your best friend's going to love this bottle of wine. She could be sitting there suffering in silence, trying to have quit for three and a half years and wine keeps showing up at her house. Not blaming you, but there's other stuff to give people that's creative and that's an option.
Speaker 1:And two, for these types of events and in spaces, to not make somebody who doesn't drink feel like a weirdo that first couple months it might have been in the first year that I didn't drink, I think it was in those first couple months I still participated in going to some happy hours with, because I worked at the time in an office environment and it's just that when you say nurses, nurses are very high functioning. In that time my nurse manager was a mess, but so a lot of the events in that office were happy hours. Events in that office were happy hours. And so we went and there was the doctor ordered one of those fish bowls, right, and so and it's got like 20 straws in it and it's going around and around and I'm sitting by the doctor and it comes back around and she grabs it and she was like no, and it almost was like in super slow-mo where, which was like no, you can't have that.
Speaker 1:And I actually left that crying because I was like first I outstayed my own comfort, right Like where it was to the point of having anxiety, and was like I just want to go home, I'm crawling on my skin. That embarrassed me in the sense of like dude, stop, because your reaction is making it more of a flashlight on me, even though everybody knew that I had quit drinking. But it's like nobody wants to be constantly reminded of that if they don't want to be right, you know what I mean. Like I was just here having a good. I was actually just laughing this was before the point of no return, of my own personal comfort zone, of being there, but like I was actually just laughing and having a good time and that just like made me feel that big.
Speaker 2:And that is an example I give in the book is when we go to order a drink. I was at a conference and the conference actually did really well. I went in expecting it's not going to be great and they did great. They had events and networking and all this. But I went up to the bar at night and I said, hey, what do you have? What do you have that's not alcoholic? And the bartender behind the black bar kind of giggled a little bit and he's like Coke, sprite, diet Coke. And he said it so flippantly that I don't get triggered.
Speaker 2:But it was an example for me, for somebody who potentially is just on their sober journey, like who potentially is just on their sober journey, like it was a rude way to handle the whole thing. Well, I left and I wrote about it in the book because I guarantee the next guy who came up behind me said what kind of beer do you have? And he was probably like Bud Light, miller Light, coors Light, what do you want? It was probably the attitude of the bartender. But for somebody who, like you're saying like this is a new thing for them or it's a hard thing, don't spotlight them, don't make it hard on them. One of my suggestions is have alcohol-free options on a board or sitting out, where I can point at it and I don't have to say what it is, I don't have to ask. The idea of saying non-alcoholic and yelling it over loud music that alone is hard right. So just make it super easy for people to feel included. Don't make it special, just make it part of your overall planning of your event.
Speaker 1:Well, right, but here's the flip side again. Going back to that bartender. Or if a person was a server, right, like it's like you, dumb mother effer, because you could have just had a 20 spot in your pocket, like, I'm serious, where somebody could have been like, if you responded to kindness in that manner or with a little bit of a different tone, somebody could have been like oh, thank you, here's a 20, because I will tell you again of, because I was very good at my job. It was very good and I had a lot of people grease me more money who did not drink. That is what I'm talking like, because you're treating a person like a human being and not being like, oh, what? Like non-alcoholic options. But again, that's just something some people will never have because they don't, they don't understand it, and some people are just working that job to work the job.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly, exactly. And I and I was at an event where they had mocktails at the event and I had to ask about the mocktails because happy hour started at five and I was like, what mocktails are they going to have during happy hour? And they're like, oh, we had the mocktails at three. I'm like, well, why did you have the mocktails at three? Well, we didn't want to confuse it with the happy hour and it's like the reason we want the mocktails is to have something at the happy hour. So we're taking steps in the right direction, but it's still a little bit convoluted, it's a little off, and so that's the kind of the idea is like, the more we could talk about it and I appreciate you having me on to talk about it the more we can show. Here's just some basic examples of where the ball is getting dropped, where people are not necessarily handling it well, and we can help more people and have more people at your conferences or your events if we just do a little tweaks, little changes, right, right.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you so much for sharing all of your knowledge, and I really appreciated this talk because I could talk about this for such a long time, because there's so much to talk about in this space and just changing the work environment and how to again talk to people about this and make even workspaces more inclusive, and doing stuff besides just going to happy hour, where it just then gets so much gets lost in translation when alcohol is then involved, exactly.
Speaker 2:For so many people.
Speaker 1:So where can people find you if they want to connect? Where is your book?
Speaker 2:Do tell so we have. Sober Life Rocks is our community. Our community is here not to get you sober but to celebrate sober choices. If you're a professional, we have a group on LinkedIn called Sober Life Rocks where we're bringing meeting planners, hr people, sober advocates anybody in this that wants to talk about this discussion, find us on LinkedIn in the Sober Life Rocks group. And then my book is the Inclusive Event Planner and you can download it for free or a link to buy it on the inclusiveeventplannercom. Please share it with anybody that you know that might be hosting an event, involved in event, just want to make a difference. It's free for that, just to get the word out and they can connect with me there.
Speaker 1:I didn't know, linkedin now has groups. Is this a new thing over there?
Speaker 2:It's funny, I it's been around and then LinkedIn can sort of put it in the back pocket for a little while. But it's back again and I had started on Facebook a group, but we decided to go over to LinkedIn because our subject is professionals and so I think that's just a better space to be. But you have to search for groups. It's not just follow the page. You have to look on your LinkedIn profile for groups and then you can go in there and find I mean there's a group in there at 10,000 meeting planners, there's a. I mean there's. I haven't looked at all the groups, but there's a lot of groups in LinkedIn.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, I'll come over and join it. I also have a good friend who's HR, so I will send her a picture of the book just to have her look at that for her industry and whatnot. So, yeah, I will have all of Laura's show notes, or all of your links, in the show notes below, so make sure that you check her out. And again, thank you so much. This was an awesome conversation.
Speaker 2:Awesome, thank you.