Sober Vibes Podcast
Welcome to Sober Vibes, where sobriety meets empowerment! Hosted by sober coach, author, and mom Courtney Andersen—who’s been thriving in her alcohol-free life since 8/18/2012—this podcast is your go-to space for real talk, proven strategies, and inspiring stories from women who are redefining what it means to live without alcohol.
Each week, Courtney dives deep into the topics that matter most—from conquering cravings and navigating social settings to rebuilding confidence and finding joy in sobriety. Whether you’re newly sober, in long-term recovery, or simply curious about life without alcohol, the Sober Vibes Podcast delivers the support, insights, and encouragement you need.
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Sober Vibes Podcast
Moderation vs. Sobriety: What’s Right for You?
Episode 214: Moderation vs. Sobriety: What’s Right for You?
In episode 214 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen discusses whether moderation is the key to a balanced relationship with alcohol or whether it is just another exhausting struggle. Courtney Andersen breaks down the truth about moderation and why it works for some people but not for others, how to recognize if you need complete sobriety, and how to let go of the moderation mindset finally.
If you’ve ever told yourself, I’ll drink less or only drink on weekends but found yourself slipping back into old habits, this episode is for you. Tune in to discover if moderation is an option for you or if a sober lifestyle is the path to true freedom.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- Why moderation works for some but not for others
- The key signs that complete sobriety may be a better fit for you
- How to stop the mental tug-of-war with alcohol and embrace freedom
- Steps to shift your mindset and break free from the moderation cycle
Resources & Links:
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Grab my book Sober Vibes: A Guide to Thriving in Your First Three Months Without Alcohol, Available Here!
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Thank you, hey, welcome back to Sober Vibes. I am your host, courtney Anderson. I'm a sober coach author and your go-to guide for navigating life without booze. You are listening to episode 214, guide for Navigating Life Without Booze. You are listening to episode 214.
Courtney Andersen :And today, moderation versus sobriety what is right for you, dun dun dun. This is a good one, because I haven't done one about both of them in the same topic. So if you've been questioning your drinking and wondering, do I really need to quit or can I just cut back? You're not alone. Many, many, many people wonder this. So we're tackling the big question Is moderation possible for you?
Courtney Andersen :So many women I have worked with I usually again, I have said this majority of my one-on-one clients that I love and adore they come to me last resort and I don't mind in this, I don't mind being the last option and they come to me at that point being like they've tried the moderation game right, and they try to drink less or only on the weekends, special occasions, right? Or quote, unquote I deserve it. Right, or quote, unquote, I deserve it. And they were in that cycle and did those things. And then what would happen? They would end up right back where they started frustrating and feeling like a failure, because that is a big thing of why can't I do this? So people I have not coached and people I just know in the streets and whatnot, they think this too, and I will say this, but I'm still going to go through this topic today I have not met many people where, when they had that problematic relationship, were then able to go back to drinking like everything was hunky-dory. Because once you start introducing that alcohol back into your system because it is a highly addictive substance it just takes over. Okay, you go right back to day one and for some it might happen within a month's time. For others it might happen within a period of a couple months. I was talking with somebody recently where they're like that happened quick and I'm like yeah, it does, but this is alcohol, showing you who it is and how it handles in your body. So let's believe it right. So moderation works for some people, but for so many it's just another exhausting game of mental gymnastics and that tug of war Again. Remember, I was in it for four years, so I know what this moderation game looks like. I know what it's like when it's like all right, I don't want to drink anymore. Like, let me take a couple of weeks off. But feeling like, all right, I don't want to drink anymore. Like, let me take a couple weeks off. Feeling like, all right, cool, I can control this. I didn't drink for a couple weeks and then go back to then again being where I was at before I had to stop. To be like, okay, I'm done, right. Or just controlling the narrative for so many of like, let's just have a couple glasses of wine, let's not mix alcohol, all of that, right? So we're going to break this all down in this episode today.
Courtney Andersen :Why does moderation work for some and not others? Right? Moderation is not a bad thing. I want to make this clear. I am not a judgmental prick towards people who drink. That is your decision, do you boo?
Courtney Andersen :I was very able to compartmentalize, working in the service industry in my sober years. Like, I am doing this as a service. This is my job. If this person chooses to drink, that is fine. It's not on me, right. And so I got to a point where I'm like then went full time with doing this and it did. Towards the end, there I was just like this doesn't align with me anymore, right? Like it served its purpose. It's time to move on. This is actually sad to see some people who do have drinking problems in here Like it's sad. I don't want to keep pushing juice. You got a sober bartender, slash a sober coach, so like it came towards the point where I'm like I'm done. It doesn't align with me, but I don't judge people who drink. Even recently I was. I was with some family members and I had actually I was vocal and I was like can we, can we not drink during this time? Let's not do it. Like let's just not do it. And I was actually proud of myself for saying that out loud and there was no drinking, so I was happy. It was not the time or the place for alcohol to come out in this family meeting that we had, so, anyways. So I don't judge, and that was the point that I was trying to make, so like it was just if you want to drink, drink that is on you.
Courtney Andersen :I do believe, and I have always believed that there are people out there who are quote unquote normal, who it's. This is not a problem for them, because they haven't built this relationship around alcohol that has turned into something deeper, right. So there are normal people out there who can drink. I am only speaking to the people where this is problematic relationship with alcohol. Right, if it is problematic for you, then you're obviously listening to this podcast for a reason and thank you for being here. I appreciate it. Okay, so for the people who can take it or leave it, they can have a glass of wine and forget about it. There's not that emotional control over their thoughts about it. They don't count drinks, obsess over rules or wake up full of regret. Right, like it's just like. All. Right, I had a couple. And here we are today, moving right along. Day, moving right along. So here's why moderation is tricky.
Courtney Andersen :Alcohol legit rewires the brain. If you've developed that habit around drinking, cutting back won't necessarily stop the cravings. Your brain still associates alcohol with relief, relaxation or reward. Right, the going back to. I deserve this because this is Friday. I had a hard week. It requires constant decision making. How many drinks can I have? Should I drink tonight? Will I stop after two? I need to eat something so I don't get too hammered. Make sure not to mix your cocktails.
Courtney Andersen :This mental back and forth is exhausting and a lot of people I end up working with or in my sobriety circle. I'm like, doesn't it feel good to be free from that? Because you do become free from that when that is just a cycle that it's like it is so exhausting and controlling that you don't see it until you have a couple months of sobriety and the clarity in your sobriety and then you'll even see it more once you get into those couple years where you're like Jesus. That is all I thought about. That is where my thoughts went Like now it's just freeing not to even think about it. It keeps alcohol in the driver's seat. So even if you're drinking less, alcohol is still controlling your thoughts, your decisions and your emotions.
Courtney Andersen :Again. So you, which, if you've gone from seven days a week of drinking down to one amazing, serious when I say that because that is a huge, huge, huge decision and a huge lifestyle habit you have chosen to decrease your drinking, and a lot of people who are stuck in this moderation game you have to do that before, eventually, you stop drinking for good. Okay, again, I was there for four years, so I totally, totally, totally get it. So how do you know if moderation is actually working for you? You need to ask yourself these things. Number one am I constantly thinking about when I can drink? Number two do I feel relief when I know I can drink and anxiety when I can't? Number three have I broken my own moderation rules multiple times? That one I get a chocolate, and if you can hear the tone of my voice, it changed because I did that all the time. I did it all the time.
Courtney Andersen :It's a boundary. That this is the thing that's awesome about. When you make that decision about quitting drinking alcohol and in this sobriety where it's like you create this inner boundary with yourself, you are a badass motherfucker for being like yes, I'm not going to break this boundary with myself today. So, like in your active relationship with alcohol, all you were doing was constantly breaking boundaries within yourself. So that is why it's easy to get frustrated when people break boundaries around you when you first become sober for those first couple of years, because it takes a while to incorporate boundaries with others where you're like why are these people not taking me serious? It's because you didn't take yourself serious for many years. Right, you broke those multiple boundaries with yourself. Do you know how many times I said I wasn't going to drink or do shots? And then I would go out and do shots, because I had one to two cocktails and it was like the light switch went off and it's like, all right, there was my two drinks, let's get this party started.
Courtney Andersen :So if you answered yes to any of these, moderations may not be your solution and it actually might just be prolonging what's supposed to happen, right? So signs you may need full sobriety. I'm going to say signs you may need alcohol-free living. Okay, I come from the point of, because a lot of people I associate sober with not drinking and even if you look up in the dictionary or Google the definition of sober, it only relates to drinking. Okay, so I am pro harm reduction.
Courtney Andersen :So I know a lot of people who smoke weed. They smoked weed to help them decrease their drinking and then eventually they stopped smoking weed or they still smoke weed. Do you boo? That is you. Whatever is great for you, because nowadays I don't think in 2025, this is just like because people could consider prescription medication, antidepressants of like, well, you're not sober because that's changing your mind. People think CBD is like the antichrist, which is not, and it's great and it's all natural and it does not impair your judgment. But I'm not going to fight with people on the interwebs about any of this. So it's just like listen, whatever you need to do to help you. This is why this is such a personalized journey and this is not a one size fits all Okay. So where was my point with that? I think I was getting too far. So that's what you need. So that's what I was saying. So I'm just going to continue to talk about alcohol free Okay, and I know majority of people who'm just going to continue to talk about alcohol-free? Okay, and I know majority of people who listen to this. It's about the alcohol for you. Remember when James Kennedy was like? It's not about the pasta Vanderpump Rules which, by the way, I can't wait for a new cast on that.
Courtney Andersen :Exact Nature is a proud sponsor of the Sober Vibes podcast, because we are both mission aligned. Both myself and Exact Nature are here to help support you in your sobriety. Exact Nature offers safe, healthy, cbd-based products of the cravings and changes in mood, focus and sleep that are a part of getting sober. Founded by a father and son team, both in recovery, this issue is personal for both of them and they are a dream the nicest people. Their oils, soft gels and gummies can help with the challenges of quitting alcohol and drugs like addictive cravings, depression, anxiety and better sleep. Exact Nature's products are independently lab tested so you can be confident you're getting what the labels say and all their products are value priced. So you'll get a full month of serving in every bottle. As a Sober Vibes listener, use code SV20 at checkout for 20% off your order at exactnaturecom. That's exactnaturecom and, as always, I will put the link in the show notes below.
Courtney Andersen :I have been using Exact Nature for, I think at this point, a year and a half, maybe almost two years, for a long time. I use it every day and it has by far helped me with my mood. Again, exactnaturecom, enjoy, anyways, okay, so I'm going to go back to my point in this podcast. So if moderation isn't working, how do you know if it's time to commit to sobriety? All right, here are a few key signs.
Courtney Andersen :You've tried moderation multiple times and it always leads back to over drinking. If you said I'll just have two drinks and end up having four or five, there's a sign for you. If you keep setting moderation rules and breaking, there's another sign for you. Number two you feel exhausted from thinking about drinking. Again, this is the mental tug of war man. This is where it's like. In my book I talk about a 24-hour cycle and I have a girlfriend who was like. That cycle helped me so much. That put so much in perspective for me of how much time mental time I gave to just thinking about alcohol. So again, if it's taking up mental space, it's controlling more of your life than you realize.
Courtney Andersen :You're using alcohol to cope, whether it's stress, anxiety, loneliness, a celebration. If you rely on alcohol in any way, moderation is not going to fix the problem. It's just going to make it worse, right? That's why you have to develop healthy coping mechanisms. I'm going to tell you this a healthy coping mechanism is crying okay, and if it's not crying, it's okay. A healthy coping mechanism is feeling angry and then going to the gym and then fucking going 100 on the treadmill and just like sweating, like getting that energy, getting those feelings out right, because you do have to cope with these feelings, so you have to. You have to decide what works best for you Nowadays, how I cope. I like a good cry and I like a good therapy walk and listening to music actually is at this point. I will always put that music therapy on there, if you have not tried music therapy, start listening to more music and go back to the music when you were a teenager, a preteen music you liked in your youth, because some of the music today, oh my God, I can't even so.
Courtney Andersen :Number four drinking is affecting your happiness, health or relationship. If alcohol is costing you more than it's giving you, it's time to walk away completely. Okay, I want you to understand sobriety isn't about a punishment. This type of lifestyle is happening for you and not to you, and it is honestly about some freedom. That mental state of mind you are in will go away within time if you just let that substance go. Is it going to be hard to let that substance go? Yes, are you going to fall flat on your face before you fully let that substance go? Absolutely, but there's going to be a point where you're going to be like you are going to wake up one day and be like I can't do this.
Courtney Andersen :And even if you are a couple of years in your sobriety and listening to this, this is a good episode for you to tap back into, because you are not. I mean, you're safe, but you're not. You know what I mean. You have to check your ego. You have to check yourself before you wreck yourself. So this is a good one of a reminder. That is why I am a firm believer of when you start your alcohol-free journey you keep reminding yourself on a weekly basis to think back to a time of where your drinking took you.
Courtney Andersen :So how do you let go of the moderation mindset? So what if you're realizing like moderation isn't working and you're at that stage like where you're like I can't do this anymore, how do you finally let go and just embrace this alcohol-free life? Right? So you have to reframe an alcohol-free life as a choice, not a punishment. For so many it feels like a punishment of like why me? Even though that is a healthy thought and feeling to have, because it is, and that why me almost goes into this like immature victim mode, right, where you're just like this sucks, why do I have to deal with that? And almost like having a little temper tantrum. I had it. Let's not get this twisted. I went through that where it was just like why me? But then I and that's where at that time for me, alcoholism was. I related to that and could identify with that because I looked more at the science of that of being a disease, and acknowledging that alcohol is is not good, and understanding what alcohol was right. So reframe the alcohol-free as a choice, not a punishment.
Courtney Andersen :Instead of thinking I can't drink, start thinking I don't have to drink. You're gaining freedom, not losing something. For me I said this all the time it's okay for other people to not drink alcohol. It's not okay for me. I am a person who can't have alcohol. To me, the can't work. I know a person who can't have alcohol. To me, the can't work. I know there's people out there that it's like no, I don't want to tell myself that it's like okay, well then, say that you choose to not have alcohol. Right. Acknowledge the mental energy moderation takes.
Courtney Andersen :This goes back to that 24-hour cycle. Imagine how much easier life would be if alcohol was just off the table. And no more bargaining, no more guilt after waking up the next day and being like why did I do that to myself? No more wondering if you should or shouldn't. Number three focus on what alcohol-free life is going to give you Better sleep, real connections, self-trust, more energy, self-esteem booster, and there's endless benefits. And I love, love, love, love, love.
Courtney Andersen :Now, because when people will post like when I do on my Instagram. If you're not following me on my Sober Vibes Instagram, please do so. That like, when I do, like in 30 days, in 60 days, in 90 days, when people are like that's not happening to me, and I always ask them, I was like well, what is something positive that has happened to you since you quit drinking alcohol, even if you're just not living in a hangover-free state? That's fucking amazing, because that was torturous. Like, how many times have you dry heaved in your life because of alcohol? How many times did you eat some shitty pizza at nighttime and then just to eat a couple bites and then throw it to the side because it's like oh my God, this is terrible. You're not in that anymore. So there's some positives. So, yes, because your skin's not clear, it does not mean that there's another positive benefit from not drinking alcohol, right? So that's what I'm saying.
Courtney Andersen :Focus on what it's giving you. If you're still struggling with the idea of quitting completely again, just start with today. Challenge yourself, okay. Challenge yourself to be like I'm going to go five days without alcohol. I'm going to go 10 and see how you start feeling after two weeks, right, and then be like okay, I'm going to move it to another day. And then you wake up the next day I'm going to move it to. I'm going to do this another day. I'm feeling good, right? Like you have to ask yourself is this, the time I've put in? Is drinking really worth this? Because I've been feeling so good, right? So just start with the one decision, right? You don't have to decide for a bar.
Courtney Andersen :It is so huge for you not to keep allowing yourself at day one to then think of like two, three years down the road that is mental torture and tell yourself to shut the fuck up, shake it out of your head. Like I am just starting with today. You just have to start with today because, again, I want you to really think about this. You have given yourself so many years with alcohol. You know what that life looks like. You've lived it, you breathed it, You've experienced it, you know what I mean, you smelled it, you know what it is. So why don't you give yourself this next part of your life to see what life is like without alcohol, Like what it truly is, and keep giving alcohol-free living as more chances than you have given an alcohol-free living, and then it just ends up one day and it leads to 60 days, that leads to 120 days, that leads to 500 days, that leads to a thousand days, that leads to 500 days, that leads to a thousand days, and in those days, you just start living life and you are a person who does not drink alcohol, which is amazing, right? That is what's happened to me, so I hope this episode helped you.
Courtney Andersen :If you've been stuck in the moderation game, I truly do hope that you see that you're not failing, that moderation is just a tough game to play and to be in, and one that we all get ourselves in before we eventually make that decision to quit for good. Now, if you're sitting here listening to it and being like well, moderation's for me, okay, cool Again, do you? That is your life. If none of this of what I've just said doesn't resonate with you where you're like well, moderation's for me, okay, cool Again, do you? That is your life. If none of this of what I've just said doesn't resonate with you where you're like well, that's not happening to me, then you just have to accept the relationship you have with alcohol. You're just going to accept the relationship of like okay, I'm a person who drinks from time to time, and that's fine and be that and accept that. But again, like I said, if you're listening to this, it's because I know that there is a problematic relationship that you have with alcohol, but I guarantee you that you will find the freedom on the side of living alcohol-free, will find the freedom on the side of living alcohol-free.
Courtney Andersen :So if this episode resonated with you, I would love to hear your thoughts. Please always slide into my Instagram DMs. That is the social media platform I party on the most, or share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. Okay, so also, too, if you need help in your sober journey. There I have one-on-one coaching and or my sobriety circle program. That's a group coaching program. The links are in the show notes. And also to my book, sober Vibes, a guide to thriving in your first three months without alcohol. Again, the link is in the show notes. All right, until next time, keep on trucking and kicking ass out there. Thanks for listening.