Sober Vibes Podcast

Thriving in Your First Three Months

• Courtney Andersen • Season 6 • Episode 215

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Episode 215: Thriving in Your First Three Months 

In episode 215 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen reads the introduction of her book, Sober Vibes: A Guide to Thriving in Your First Three Months Without Alcohol. If you're navigating early sobriety and looking for guidance, inspiration, and real talk, this quit lit book and this episode are for you.

Courtney shares why she wrote Sober Vibes, what to expect in the first 90 days alcohol-free, and how this book can be your go-to guide for support, encouragement, and motivation. Whether you’re just starting your sober journey or need a refresher on why you chose this path, this episode is filled with powerful insights to help you not just survive but thrive. The best book for sobriety!

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

  •  Why the first three months of sobriety are so important
  •  What inspired Courtney to write Sober Vibes
  •  A reading of the book’s introduction
  •  How to build confidence and strength in your alcohol-free journey

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Listen to episode 129 with Thomas White to learn more about CBD.

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Remember: You are strong. You are capable. You are not alone. Keep thriving! Thank you for listening!

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Courtney Andersen:

Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast. I am your host and sober coach, courtney Anderson. I'm also your go-to guide on how to live life without booze. You are listening to episode 215. On top of my title, I'm going to add one more into the mix. I am also the author of Sober Vibes A Guide to Thriving in your First Three Months Without Alcohol.

Courtney Andersen:

If you're new here, this podcast is all about supporting you on your sober journey. I share inspirational stories, tools, real talk about life without alcohol. A lot of humor in this podcast too. Okay, because we also try not to take ourselves too seriously, because life is already hard. This topic in life is very difficult, but I have always used humor as my own coping strategy and it's worked so far because it helps. So today I'm doing something a little bit differently.

Courtney Andersen:

In this solo episode I'm reading you the introduction of my book. I haven't really done much on my book. I'll just drop it from here to there to tell you to go order it. If it will help you on your journey, which I know it will, right. But I haven't really got into it and I get questions asked about this on, like, how should a person read it? Because it's divided up into three different sections the first 30, 60, 90 days right? So when I wrote this book, why it's specifically on those first 90 days? Because a lot of what I talk about and again, that will be changing a little bit more later down the road but what I specifically talk about is those first couple years of sobriety and really honing in on those first 90 days.

Courtney Andersen:

A lot of my one-on-one coaching is with people who are just quitting In my sobriety circle. It's good for your beginning journey up until, I would say, about two years of sobriety. I definitely want to be there for those first couple of years for you. And then I want you to move the fuck on. If you still want to stay around, cool, stay around. I have no problem with that. If you enjoyed the show, I love that and I appreciate those who have.

Courtney Andersen:

But, as you have heard me say many times in this podcast and again, if you're new here, you got a lot of episodes to catch up on, like after a certain point of a couple of years, especially, let's just say, those first five. After that, for fifth year, okay, and I'm just giving you those first five years things start to change. Where it's the shift isn't every day on sobriety. It's not every day on not living a life without alcohol, because at that point it just becomes a lifestyle, right? So I, going back to this book, I know how hard those first few months of sobriety can feel, up to that first year for sure, but I'm just honing in on those first three months. I've been there and I wrote this book as the guide I wish I had when I was navigating early days and especially, too, when I wrote this book as the guide I wish I had when I was navigating early days and especially, too, when I wrote this book a couple of years back.

Courtney Andersen:

There's still a lot of people share stories which is great because stories save lives but there wasn't. I always heard from people like well, I like how to implement this, right? Or you just listen to read people's stories and you're not getting, you're not understanding how to then implement that into, like what they did to make it work for you. So my goal is to help you not just survive in this sober life, but to thrive, okay, and that's about building that foundation, right? So you're going to listen to me read and you're going to listen to me read this introduction, and I wanted to start off at the introduction so you get a little bit more of my backstory and that I get it, and I totally. I will forever and ever and ever relate to anybody who shares their story or meeting them at them still in their active relationship with alcohol. So I hope you enjoy this. All right, feel free to grab a beverage if you don't have one already. This is almost like an audible, and I really wanted to do an audible for this book, but the publishing company doesn't do audibles, so maybe on the next book we'll get an audible. Doesn't do Audible, so maybe on the next book we'll get an Audible. Okay, also, too, if you've already purchased my book, I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you. I truly do appreciate you buying a copy and supporting myself, because this was definitely this was a great good deal of work. Definitely, this was a great good deal of work. I started writing this book when my son was seven months old and I finished when he was, I don't know, like 13 months, 14 months, so it definitely was a part of my motherhood journey, especially into that first year and a half.

Courtney Andersen:

Okay, hello, my name is Courtney Anderson and I once had the most intoxicating love affair with alcohol and all the chaos that came with it. My relationship with alcohol started when I was 19 years old and ended just about six weeks shy of my 30th birthday. My relationship with alcohol started off very innocently, but I knew the moment I fell in love with it. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I lived in the suburbs of Detroit and Windsor, ontario, was about a 20 minute drive from there. What was so great was the link legal drinking age in Canada was 19. So on my birthday we went to Windsor and it was love at first sip. I immediately felt safe, alive and like I was finally able to come out of my shy shell. That night I danced till dawn and had one of the best outings of my life. I even felt comfortable enough to lower any fear of flirting and interaction with men. Funny what alcohol allows you to do. That evening started it all.

Courtney Andersen:

What I did not know about this new relationship that I had allowed into my life was that it was going to be the most dangerous one of all and that it would lead to a 10-year roller coaster of addiction. At 25, I knew that there was eventually going to be a day when I would have to live a life without alcohol. That's right. I knew it in my soul, I felt it in my gut and that little voice was saying you need to quit drinking. In my opinion, I truly think we all know if we have a problem with alcohol, it just comes down to whether or not we address it.

Courtney Andersen:

From 19 to 25, my relationship with alcohol changed and started to become a lot darker. What was once fun suddenly became doom and gloom. Blackouts were happening more frequently, sometimes weekly. During these blackouts, I became uncontrollable and unreasonable. I started noticing that after the few sips of booze it felt like a switch was turned on in my head and there was no stopping until I passed out. There was no off switch and I could not quote unquote control it. I loved drinking myself into a blackout. The times I did not, I often found myself getting pissed Like why am I not drunk enough? It is hard for me to remember events and the timeline of things. During these years, I gauged these times by who was the president of the United States Side note, I'm not kidding Like I can tell you where I. President of the United States. Side note, I'm not kidding Like I can tell you where I lived through the Obama years and like where I was during George W Jr.

Courtney Andersen:

Okay, my drinking led to many nights of deep fury and lashing out at whoever was around. My drunken rages consisted of yelling and physical altercations. I was even known to throw things and my hangovers became events. I always drank so much that I would give myself alcohol poisoning Sidebar. That is no joke either. Some of these nights landed me in the hospital or the local police station. Some of these nights led me to using cocaine and eventually smoking crack a few times. Some of these nights led me to waking up in strangers' beds, not knowing their names and wondering if we had used protection.

Courtney Andersen:

One of these nights, I did say no. I said it more than once and the sexual act continued. What happened to me was wrong, alcohol or no alcohol? No always means no. What happened to me was wrong, alcohol or no alcohol? No always means no. It has taken me many years to forgive myself for putting myself in dangerous situations, while actively addicted, alcohol and rape culture go hand in hand. With time, therapy and forgiveness I can say I no longer shame or blame myself for any of these situations I was in. My drinking led me down the path of self-destruction. I was slowly killing myself.

Courtney Andersen:

During my active relationship with alcohol, I twice tried to end my life, from 25 to 29,. I tried the moderation game. This game is very exhausting. I would say no to shots. Make sure not to mix alcohol. Drink wine only, no gin, no whiskey. Go a week without drinking. Only drink on the weekends. Only drink on Monday. Avoid day drinking. Only have two drinks when going out. Make sure to eat before I drink, because we all know that was the problem.

Courtney Andersen:

The cycle continued and I tried to control and control and control. The reality was I was at a past, the point of no return. Alcohol had already become problematic in my life and had taken over my brain. Moderation is how normal quote unquote, normal drinkers operate. I had thousands of rock bottom moments and was enabled by many around me. The people who enabled me are not bad humans, and neither are you If you have been enabling someone. There's a lot to say on this topic. Even waking up in a hospital bed after a night of drinking didn't make me stop the madness. I really do believe you get to a point in your journey where you just have had enough and can't physically and mentally live in what you are doing anymore. You get good and tired.

Courtney Andersen:

My final rock bottom was when I lost my cat, fiona, for the second time while blacked out. That and my boyfriend laid out an ultimatum for me that no one had done before. He said you can continue to drink, but I will not be here for it. For three days I lived in our guest bedroom, dry, heaving on the floor and detoxing from alcohol. I only came out to use the bathroom, get food and collect all the beverages to quench my thirst and rehydrate. During this last hangover I also had to lay in. My shame. The shame of it of all the years of drinking hit me all at once and it was so overwhelming that it caused anxiety attacks. Trust me, it was not a good time Lying in my hangover. I said to the universe if I find Fiona and she is still alive, I will give up drinking for good. By the third day I found her and I have kept my word. The last night I drank was August 17, 2012. I blacked out that night for the last time in my life and August 18, 2012 was the first day of the rest of my life.

Courtney Andersen:

People always want to know what I did to get sober. The answer is this I made the decision that it was time to quit drinking. I did not allow myself to think about how it was all going to play out. Every day, I woke up and said I'm not going to drink. I had to tell myself this some days on life. I used outside help along my journey in recovery, like Alcoholics Anonymous, aa therapy coaches, personal development, meditation, breathing exercises, gratitude, leaning into friends and family for support, nutrition, exercise, laughter and online groups. All of these are part of the program I created for myself, and it all eventually led me to create the brand Sober Vibes, which is an online community that supports and empowers sober and sober curious people along their journey.

Courtney Andersen:

During those first two years, I white-knuckled it a lot until I was ready and comfortable to dive deep and figure out why I even drank like I did in the first place. There are many layers to unpack when it comes to this process, and I'm a firm believer there is no one way to recover. You have to do what works for you and connect with people you vibe with. This is what I have done since the start. My sober birthday is by far the most important day of my life and as I write this book I'm celebrating 10 years sober. Insert me dancing in my chair. Not one drop of alcohol.

Courtney Andersen:

Many doubted me from the start, and that is okay, because some days I didn't know if I could do it. But I just kept the focus on getting through another day sober and, little by little, days turned into months and months turned into years. I know without a doubt that that decision to quit drinking alcohol was the one that completely changed my life for the better. Since quitting drinking, the gifts of sobriety keep showing up in my life every day. That boyfriend, who presented me with the most powerful decision of my life, is now my husband and we have been together for 11 years and married for seven. Matthew gave up drinking with me. Coming from his own experience and how alcohol played a role in his life. He was at the point where he was over it. During those first few months of sobriety, we talked about when we would have kids, how we wanted to break the cycle with us and for our children to never experience alcoholism in the home.

Courtney Andersen:

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Courtney Andersen:

I have been using Exact Nature for, I think at this point, a year and a half, maybe almost two years, for a long time. I use it every day and it has by far helped me with my mood. Again, exactnaturecom, enjoy. We welcomed our first child in September 2021 and, besides sobriety, he is the greatest gift I've ever received. Alcohol will never be the central focus of his life and that may be the greatest gift I can give him assessing why you're here.

Courtney Andersen:

Why are you here? I need you to be crystal clear about your why. Sobriety is a journey and oftentimes we can lose sight of why exactly we needed to sever our connection with alcohol to begin with. As someone who spent four years moderating their drinking, I know this firsthand. To start off on the right path, you need to really, really interrogate why you are here. As your sober coach, I need you to be so transparent about your why that, when times of temptation and triggers arise, you understand where alcohol will lead if you decide to pick up that first drink. When I first quit drinking, my why came from what was most relevant at the time the physical feelings of being hungover, the shame I felt after telling my boyfriend I was going to kill him this one makes me laugh and that terrible guilt for losing my rescue cat. Again. To this day, I recall the shame and pain of my last hangover because it helps me to not pick up a drink.

Courtney Andersen:

Maybe you are here because you've fallen into the parent drinking culture. Yes, it's real, mommy and daddy. Drinking culture is an epidemic and continues to explode, and it only got worse during the COVID pandemic. Maybe you are a parent who started drinking wine to unwind after the kids went to bed and you are now waking up wondering how you got to the point of drinking one to two bottles of wine a night. Maybe you are here because you are the high-functioning drinker who has always been enabled you hold down a great job, pay your bills on time, support family and work best under pressure, but then you come home and you drank yourself to sleep. You are trying to fill a void and you never feel full.

Courtney Andersen:

Maybe you are here because you are the empty nester who comes home to an empty house and the loneliness you feel is crippling. Maybe you are here because you are single, with zero kids, and you've done what you've always wanted to do for so long choosing the single life. Yet, married to your drinking lifestyle, you wake up at 50 wishing to find love and a life partner. Maybe you are here because you started drinking after divorce After all, you feel like you have some freedom after being married to that smug prick for so long. The freedom feels fantastic, but this new freedom of finding yourself, your once a week wine habit has grown into something uncontrollable. Maybe you're here because you grew up with a parent or parents who were drinkers and that's all you were shown. And now in your adult years, you're saying I drink like my mom or I act just like my dad after a couple of beers, or you were even realizing some family trauma was your gateway to your alcohol addiction. Maybe you were here because you have finally hit rock bottom and you were just good and tired. Yes, a rock bottom.

Courtney Andersen:

As a sobriety coach, I noticed there is such a preconceived notion about this hitting rock bottom moment. I've seen it and heard a lot of judgment about it since getting sober, and the funny thing is it often comes from people who are drinkers. A rock bottom for you could simply mean you are at the point where alcohol no longer serves you. Just because you don't have an extreme case like getting a DUI or resorting to violence, it doesn't mean you can't identify a low point. You are here reading this book and looking to get help on your sobriety journey. Whatever incident caused you to take the plunge, great, my 999th rock bottom presented itself as me losing my cat for the second time. Was that the worst thing I did during my active addiction? No, but it was the one where I wanted so badly to get off the ride. I physically and mentally exhausted at 29 years old. Get a little sip, you guys. This reading from your book really does. It Really works up a thirst. All right, let's get back to it.

Courtney Andersen:

I've listed many different reasons why someone might be reading this book and, at the end of the day, alcohol doesn't discriminate. Male, female, however you identify, and whatever race you are. Alcohol doesn't care. We are all an open target for the path of destruction alcohol can bring to our lives. It truly doesn't matter what path led you here. I don't judge, and I hope you don't either. We are all having a human experience on planet earth, and empathy when it comes to this journey is needed not only for others but yourself. What matters is that you have chosen to start loving yourself and wanting to live a life without alcohol in it. I'm proud of you for being here and making this choice. I know you're scared and have lots of questions. You're even thinking about your future self and wondering how you will ever have fun without alcohol, travel with alcohol or even have sex without a few drinks. I've been there and I understand.

Courtney Andersen:

Some things I share in this book may not make sense. Initially, you may ask is doing this exercise going to help me? And the answer is yes. These are all the things I have done and used in my recovery. They are also what I offer my clients when I coach them through their first few months of sobriety. I'm going to ask you to trust me and trust the process of this journey months of sobriety. I'm going to ask you to trust me and trust the process of this journey.

Courtney Andersen:

Statistically, 80 to 85% of people who start their sober journey relapse. It took me four years to finally say enough is enough. Don't let that discourage you. You can always be the exception to the rule. If this is your first go at quitting drinking, my coaching is designed to not overwhelm you. I do believe it's very easy to get overwhelmed when it comes to quitting drinking, as we tend to use quote unquote getting overwhelmed as a coping tool. When it comes to this space, overwhelm is not a choice. Overwhelm often leads to burnout, which leads to relapse. That's why I have broken this book down into three sections, one for each of the first three months of your sober journey, with details on what to focus on during that time. I have also included coach tips to help you along the way, as well as homework questions you can answer right in this book.

Courtney Andersen:

You cannot rush recovery and healing. It's a process. Trust it, and trust from someone who has been there with lived experience. I have not stayed sober since August 18th of 2012 by magically hitting a fast forward button. I've sat in discomfort many days. It's during those days you will learn the most in this process and how fucking strong you are.

Courtney Andersen:

Now it's time to get started, time to dig in and dive into some sober soul searching. When it comes to your homework, please do what works for you. Not everyone is into journaling their feelings. Maybe you're a painter, or you love scrapbooking, or you prefer voice memos. Whatever your preferred mode, do what speaks to you, but I do ask you to do the work in this book. Once you read the chapter, do homework right away. Provide detailed responses, but please do not overwhelm yourself or get up in perfectionism. A good practice is to let the thoughts flow and try not to pause writing, even if the words don't sound perfect. Just get your ideas out and see what comes to the surface.

Courtney Andersen:

The best part about this book is that there is room to write responses in these pages. Okay, and then we'll stop there. What then happens is you go into homework and it's like what is your why for quitting drinking? Then there's a couple different pages in that first introduction that you are going to write your responses, and then it comes down to another couple pages in that introduction with, again, more journal work and then it gets into the first month of sobriety. So, with that being said, how to read this book? You can either read it all the way through, okay, you can either read it all the way through, or you do the first 30 days and then, when you get into day like 32, you then go into the next section and then the next section, right. So it's really up to how you want to take it. I have found, from what I have heard from people who have read it, that they take it a section while they're in that of like the first 30 days, right, and that that's when this book works best for them. Also, again, in this book there's lots of quotes, there's coach tips, and you will find that that journaling and that journaling really makes you think deep about your process.

Courtney Andersen:

That's what I'm saying about like doing work. You have to figure out what's going to work best for you. I think even, too, in the first 30 days, like, I tell you like, okay, where do you want to get support of Right Like, do you want to do AA? Do you want to do therapy? Do you want to find an online group? You have to figure out what works for you right Like, not what works for your neighbor who is 40 years older than you and you're a male and you're a female. Okay, I'm not putting two genders against each other, I'm just saying, for men and women, this is a very different process and okay, cause we're going with the masculine and the feminine energy. So sometimes, with men, their suggestion is to do something from the masculine side right, and that doesn't vibe well with women, okay. But maybe, too, you have a neighbor who's 40 years older than you and she is a woman as well and, like it, just what she did, it just doesn't sound like what you should be doing, because it doesn't vibe well with you, okay. So that's where I'm saying this is, sobriety is such a personalized experience and journey that you have to figure out what works for you and that's what really my book helps you with and to understand more layers of yourself and work through that, Okay.

Courtney Andersen:

So I hope you enjoyed that introduction. I hope you felt that message, because this book is all about guiding you through those first 90 days with encouragement, empowerment, honesty and support, right? So if this book resonated with you, I would love for you to grab your copy. You can find it on Amazon or Barnes Noble the link is in the show notes below. Right, make sure you're following me on Instagram. You can always join my sobriety circle. Or if you're looking for one-on-one coaching, the link is in the show notes below. And, as always, remember you are fucking strong, you're capable and you're not alone in this journey. Keep on trucking and keep kicking ass.