Sober Vibes Podcast

Relapse Prevention: Real Talk, Triggers, and What Actually Works

• Courtney Andersen • Season 6 • Episode 230

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Episode 230: Relapse Prevention: Real Talk, Triggers, and What Works 

In this episode of Sober Vibes, Courtney Andersen breaks down what relapse means and how to prevent it in real life, not just in theory. Whether you're newly sober or several years alcohol-free, this honest and empowering conversation gives you practical tools to protect your peace, stay grounded, and ride out the challenging moments without going back to booze.

From emotional triggers to burnout and self-isolation, Courtney dives into the sneaky ways relapse can creep in and how to create a sustainable support system that works. Additionally, she shares her strategies, journal prompts, and mantras to help you stay centered.

What’s the difference between a lapse and a relapse

  • 5 sneaky relapse triggers (and how to spot them early)
  • Daily habits that strengthen your emotional sobriety
  • How to build a relapse prevention plan that works
  • What to do if you do slip—and why you don’t have to start over
  • A powerful journal prompt + affirmation to stay grounded

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Thank you for listening, and hope this episode helps you in your journey.

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Courtney Andersen:

Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast. I'm your host and sober coach, courtney Anderson, and I am your go-to guide to living a life without alcohol. You are listening to episode 230. Can I just say one? I'm so stoked. We're at 230 episodes and two. Thank you, jesus.

Courtney Andersen:

Finally that summer is here, finally, like I am a hoe for summer, there's currently a heat wave going on and I love it, because it was cold here in Pure Michigan, like on and off in the beginning, at the end of May and the beginning of June, like it just got summertime weather a couple days ago. So give me more. And for the people who have the seasonal depression in the summertime, I feel you because that's how I feel in the wintertime. But I am going to soak all of this up before the pits of hell comes back into Pure Michigan. So for all my summer hoes out there, we've made it, ladies and gents, we've made it Okay. So, moving right along, today's topic is one I feel strongly about. I've done some episodes before of this, but I just feel like right now, a lot of people need to hear this because we are in summertime and I know summer can be very, very listen any day can be triggering, but I know specifically this the weather can be very triggering, okay, and I coach about this a lot. Today we're diving into relapse prevention right. What is it? What? It's not Strategies that are going to help you stay on track when life gets messy coached about this a lot. Today we're diving into relapse prevention right. What is it? What it's not Strategies that are going to help you stay on track when life gets messy. So again, whether you're on day eight or you're on day 80 and feeling fucking good, right, or you're on year nine, this episode is here to meet you where you are. No shame, no judgment Again, just real talk and support. So let's do this damn thing. Let's define this, okay. Let's define what is relapse, okay.

Courtney Andersen:

A relapse isn't just drinking again, right, because a lot of people think that once you drink again, okay, relapse. It's a return to an old pattern of thinking and coping. Sometimes there's even a lapse before the relapse, right, a moment where you slip but you catch yourself quickly. And the truth about relapse it doesn't mean that you failed, okay. It means something needs attention and a plan. This is why I never look at anybody's relapse and slips and all that as failures. And when people beat themselves up after going out after five years, right, and there are.

Courtney Andersen:

In a sober, in your sobriety journey, there's big milestones that are triggering as fuck. After year one, I think, year three, year five, even up to 10 years, I mean, people can start drinking at any time and you just never. You can't forget that time before. Okay, if you've been there, right, you're not alone. And if you haven't, this episode is about prevention and preparation, okay, and with a smidge of empowerment, because that's how we do this thing.

Courtney Andersen:

There's no room in this for shame anymore. We are in 2025, and the shame game, especially with this, is so it's lame, so it's lame, it's lame, and but I get it, but it's just. It cannot be the choice anymore, right, like the shame spiral, because when it comes to drinking, it is this is so mindset, it is so mindset and it's a lot of work you have to do and it's a lot of new patterns you have to put into place, because this is so fucking habitual. It is so habitual and when it's been in your year or your life for 10 to 15, 20, 30 years like that, you have work to do. When you get sober, it's going to take some time. That's why I think it's great when anybody feels good those first 90 days, but you still have to do the day-to-day of remembering where alcohol took you and that you need to tell your ego to shut the fuck up in this. And that's a lot too after a couple months or years of why people end up slipping and relapsing is because they get stagnant and they think they got it like that. Good people of the world, even at, as I record this, 12 years sober. I'll be 13 years in August. I fucking have to continue. I'm not going to say every day I have to work on this, but there's points and if you've been listening to this podcast since day one, I will always be a continuous work in progress, for fuck's sakes.

Courtney Andersen:

I just read Codependent no More for the fifth time. Okay, I do believe when you get stagnant in your life especially sobriety that is where the old thoughts come up right and where it's just I can control it, go back to it, and usually there's other problems are going on around that time. So again, it's very easy for anybody to slip and you have to continuously put ego in check and make new lifestyle choices, and it's about the consistency of that. So if you have had a slip and a relapse, okay, time to get back on the wagon and work on that consistency, right, right, here are five common triggers that sneak up on you, and I kind of just said some stuff, but I'm going to. I broke it down for you. So let's set the stage for relapse. Most of the time, it's not about the drink, it's about what's going on underneath. That's what I'm talking about, about getting stagnant or thinking that you got this. Nobody ever should say like 100% certainty, I fucking got this okay, because you have to check yourself before you wreck yourself. So these are the five most common triggers I see Emotional overwhelm, right. Anger, grief, anxiety, shame. If you don't know how to process these appropriately or right, you might want to numb out Okay, there's a lot of people, too, who get sober and they're like why don't I feel better?

Courtney Andersen:

I'm not saying within those first couple months, but over a couple of years. And then you have to ask that person that's well, what have you been doing to help yourself move forward? Because there is that type of work you have to do, whether it's you're working with a therapist, whether it's you fucking do some daily gratitude, mindset work especially. You have to switch it around Because, again, it's very easy for me to when I answer people's questions, especially on Instagram it's. I am very careful with that, right, because there's more to just that question that a person's asking me. There's layers to layers of this and I have a lot of people being like I don't feel good and I actually have something that I'm announcing next week. I'm very fucking stoked about that's going to help a person in this process, about when it comes to emotional sobriety, and that's the next layer that you have to work on to keep moving forward.

Courtney Andersen:

Number two isolation. When you pull away from your support system or your routines, it gets real quiet and it's dangerous that isolation, because that is a normal. That is a normal. It's like almost a normal trauma response and it's almost a normal default mode where people start isolating. Very early on in my sister's journey, there would be some patterns that came up where I'm like that's why, too, we check in with each other all the time, because it's like when I start knowing seeing those patterns I haven't seen them in a long time, but when I used to see those patterns, I'm like what's going on with you, right, like you can sense it from a person and you can probably sense yourself starting to isolate, maybe not express so much anymore, and you can, usually, you can usually stop that. You have to stop that in the tracks and be like nope, I'm not going to go back to this default mode, right, I'm not going to go back to isolation and then sabotage this shit for me, right?

Courtney Andersen:

Number three this is a big one romanticizing drinking the just one glass. This is what I'm talking about with this, like little devil with this little POS inside. Yeah, call it whatever you want and part of the ego that comes up, but the romanticizing the drinking it's just the one glass. Fantasy, right, it's, it's, it's not good, but it takes some time for it to detox your brain. That's why, in your mind, body and soul, to detox that out of there, because there was such a conditioning, there was such like you guys, we were in a cult. Okay, I want you to compare this to a cult of the brainwashing that you have experienced with the alcohol game, right, and that you think like even to when you see it.

Courtney Andersen:

Because how it's been portrayed to us in the media, what we read in books when they describe alcohol, when characters are drinking, what we've seen in media, what we've been told, what an alcoholic looks like, the commercials, all that condition, and then you've conditioned yourself to believe it and then add on your own story on top of it I deserve a drink. I earned this drink because then it becomes a reward system. So, like when that romanticizing comes up, you got to kick it in the dick and be like no, you little son of a bitch, you are not romantic, you are not sexy. Because then the next day there's nothing sexy about you when I'm either in a shame spiral, dry, heaving all over myself, not performing at my best at work and telling my kids maybe to beat it because I have a headache right, you know what I mean or rushing through something just so then you can go drink again in the afternoon and feel better, right, anyone, anyone.

Courtney Andersen:

Number four burnout, overcommitting, doing too much perfectionism. When you're exhausted, willpower and self-care suffer. Listen, and I know this is not all about the willpower, but there is some willpower in this, especially when you get into your new daily routine. I cannot tell you, majority of women that I coach are all high achievers and at some point in my coaching container with them we have to look into exactly what I just talked about the overcommitting, doing too much, the perfectionism, because when you do that and majority of women do this it's fucking exhausting, and so a lot of women too, when they get sober and they don't particularly work on this.

Courtney Andersen:

A lot of my one-on-one coaching particularly works to the personality that you are and who you were born. Okay, so you were born this way and like, at the core of your personality, whether you're an introvert, you're an extrovert right, it really is figuring out your sober journey to you. But when you keep doing this when you are sober and don't fix it, you will relapse. You will relapse. You cannot keep going at the pace you were going in your drinking days and your sober days. The reason you were able to get through all of that shit you were doing is because you were just drinking your way through it.

Courtney Andersen:

Number five losing touch with your why People don't think they need to do this, and this is something you have to beat inside your soul of. When you stop reminding yourself why you quit and don't continue to do these tools, you open the door to convincing yourself. You're going to go back and it's very easy to do, and even through these years, I have had to recommit to a why Okay. So my why at the very beginning was because I was a pig, pretty much. I mean, I'm just going to say it, I was an animal.

Courtney Andersen:

And at that time, the time when I finally said, okay, I'm done, I need to live a life without this, at that time it was like my two people were Fiona, my dad, and Matthew, my then boyfriend, who's now my husband, who's now my baby daddy, right, and I at that, like in the beginning, I had to put them in the front right, because at that point, especially in the beginning, sometimes you just don't love yourself. Okay, sometimes for people it works for them, whether it's your kids, an animal, a person, the relationship you're in, your parents, whatever it is. And then I shifted, because then I started to love myself, I started to get self-esteem, I started to understand my self-worth. Then it became more about no, because I'm feeling good and this is what I want and this is what's keeping me right and this is what's keeping me alive. And to get to that extreme that is true for me I was on a path of destruction.

Courtney Andersen:

It was bad. I can't even picture over these last 12 years, it's 444. We love some angel numbers. I just looked at my computer. So for all my woo-woos out there with the angel numbers, here you go. This is your sign. So at the beginning sorry, the angel number just fucked me up. It turned into me loving myself in South North, right. Then into it.

Courtney Andersen:

It was then on trying to have a kid. It was like I don't want to be that drunk mom now having the kid. It was like I'm here, I want to be present with him, right. So, like I have redefined it along the way and that's what you have to do. And it doesn't matter. If you feel good, okay, that's great. Even on days you feel good, have that reminder to yourself of why you're not drinking alcohol that day. Again, not saying that you need to live in this, you don't right but it's the centerpiece to keep you going forward. So when you do have a shitty day, your default brain doesn't go back to well, fuck it, I'm just going to drink. It's going to be like no, I don't even think that way, because that's not an option for me, because I've done so much conditioning in my mind to bring me to this point. Okay, you can't stay stuck right. So I've got tools coming your way breaking it down more than just what I said. So again, what works for relapse prevention? So this is more about strategy.

Courtney Andersen:

Number one create a support system. Right, so write three to five people you can text, call, fucking, what is it? If you want to voxer people, whatsapp, whatever DM, okay, and that's not. Even. If you're not at that point right now of where you can express it to everybody that you're sober, text those people and just ask them how they're doing, because, guess what, you're not thinking anymore. You're out of your head. You're asking somebody else how you're doing. You're focused on that. That is actually taking some time for yourself and in your brain to not make it about you, okay, and when I say not make it about you, it's just getting outside of your head and just telling yourself to shut the fuck up for a minute and end this. But if you do wanna do it where it's, hey, lauren, I'm gonna do. You mind if I text you from time to time, just sometimes, if I'm having a bad time, right, whatever your mother, whoever it may be, a gal pal who understands who's sober as well. Create that for yourself.

Courtney Andersen:

Number two build daily grounding rituals. A lot of your drinking became a ritual. It was associated with something right. So now you have to do something that's going to be good for it, and I don't even care if you did it still in your drinking days. You have to understand when you quit drinking. You have changed, your perception has changed. So like, even if you read books in your drinking days and you're like, well, I read that, read it again because it's going to hit differently and land differently with you now because you have changed, you have made a shift right, you're going to read it and it's going to hit and land differently with you.

Courtney Andersen:

So grounding rituals could be journaling, walking, breath work. You want to pray, you want to sing some good vibes these habits are going to keep you emotionally regulated. Meditation throw that in there, right. So these are like non-negotiables. Again, I'm not trying to overwhelm you, but you could take one of those and be like this is my non-negotiable of the day, because this is what helps me. My therapy walk is my lifeline. That's saying to drink, but like I look forward to pounding that pavement with my walking vest every day that I can, that weather permits right.

Courtney Andersen:

And when I don't do it for a day, I can start kind of feeling it. If I don't do it for two days I'm like whew, whew, right, and then it's once I get out there the other day, I just had to do it, I did not want to do it. I did not want to do it because my body hurt. I was tired from the day before because I broke a personal record of walking with my vest on. And let me tell you though let me just tell you about the vest real quick, because I'm sure you've seen all people on social media do it you only need like the 10 to 12% of your body weight.

Courtney Andersen:

Okay, and like, honestly, I've been rocking mine because I get questions about this. I've been rocking the 10 since last summer, and yesterday or a couple of days ago, whatever day it was, I went three miles with it on, and that was my highest, because I'm working my way up, right, I don't want to overdo it. You never want to overdo it where you feel like a bag of dicks the next day. But this day, because that was the farthest I went with that, I was like, oh, I don't want to do this. It was the start of that heat wave where it was like hard to breathe outside because it was so humid, but, being a summer hoe, I still loved it and I was like, all right, I'm going to get through it, I'm just going to do two miles. I don't need to match what I did yesterday, I just need to get through it. No-transcript make you feel good where you're going to be like yes, this is what gives me like that shot of dopamine, this gives me a therapeutic vibe, right?

Courtney Andersen:

Number three an extra strategy practice. Okay, you need to prepare yourself for triggering situations. So if this is like visualizing yourself leaving a triggering situation, please do that. A party, a conversation, a vacation dinner have an escape plan ready. I might have to revamp this episode and put it now, since we're at episode 230, but I'm going to redo the 60-minute rule. I'm going to redo it. So, for people who are new here and haven't gone back to the full catalog, it's just a little revamp. Right, where you just give yourself an hour, because oftentimes people are still putting themselves and not listening to their inner compass of staying longer at events than you need to be or staying in conversations longer than you need to be, where then you start sabotaging yourself, right?

Courtney Andersen:

Number four know your red flags. Keep a list when you're isolating, doom scrolling, skipping meals that cause you to then have low blood sugar, ignoring texts. Those signs are to check in, and you need to check in with yourself and be like is this really the direction you want to go, because you know where this is going to lead you. You have to be radically honest with yourself in this. You do, and that's why, sometimes, too, it's like when people have slips and relapses. Fine, that was your lesson to learn, right? You need to learn that, because how many more times are you going to keep burning yourself your hand on the stove until it catches on where it's? I can't do this anymore, but this is the type of shit that will help you not go that direction.

Courtney Andersen:

And number five create a craving toolbox. Right, you need to smell a bunch of oils calming, relaxing oils. Right, you need to smell a bunch of oils calming, relaxing oils. You need to stock up. You want a Cribs fridge in your garage. Put a fridge in your garage. Maybe get one of those little ones and just fill it up with any beverages and I'm talking if you just want to now have a little fridge full of Coca-Colas, dr Pepper spraysites, diet Coke Orange Pop. It doesn't even have to be the mocktails and the NA beers, but if you also want to have that, have that too. If you just want to have a slew of sparkling waters, have a slew of sparkling waters in there. This is now your new life that you're building with yourself.

Courtney Andersen:

The sky is the limit, whether you need to tune back into this podcast to keep yourself in check. A mantra right, cravings pass. Does not mean, though, that you need to. You don't need to give into the cravings. Cravings are going to be there, and the more that you realize that cravings are going to be a part of your process and your journey, instead of fighting it, because the more you fight it, the more it are going to be a part of your process and your journey instead of fighting it, because the more you fight it, the more it's going to drive you crazy, where, if you're like, okay, they are going to come. They might come at the most random ass times. I need to be prepared for them, or I just need to ride it out, because you were a strong ass bitch and sometimes you just are going to ride the shit out and white-knuckle it and it's going to be gone and the next morning you're going to wake up and be like gee D, I can get through that, right? I wish more people talked about this.

Courtney Andersen:

If you do drink again, right? What? If you do Again don't shame, spiral what I said at the top of this episode you didn't lose everything, okay? This is what you need to ask yourself in that moment, after it's happened, after the next day, when you wake up and you're like good God, what'd I do? Right, ask yourself, what was I really needing in that moment? And I get a lot of people when I do that, ask me anything Monday on the gram If you're not following me on that gram, please do so at Sober Vibes and I get this all the time. It's what do I do? Like I had so many months or a couple of years like what do I do? And it's you really need to again be radically honest with yourself and what did you need more of that time? Because this is where you have to then to keep your ego in check, right? I can't tell you how many women that I have coached and it's fine, I'm totally okay with it. Or it's like I'm their last resort. I get it, I get it. And that's where a lot of women who I end up coaching is they did the dance, they tried everything right, they tried it on their own, or they're just like this isn't.

Courtney Andersen:

I have to get outside of myself. I need somebody for extra accountability and support that doesn't even know my life right and it usually works. So you need to ask yourself and I'm not saying that coaching is for everybody, because it's not, but maybe you need to get your ass into a meeting. Maybe you need to ask yourself and I'm not saying that coaching is for everybody, because it's not, but maybe you need to get your ass into a meeting. Maybe you need to go that route and try AA, right? Maybe you need to then find yourself a new therapist, because the one you have is not working anymore. Maybe you're not even being honest with your therapist, and so now it's time to be honest with your therapist, right? Maybe it's just you became stagnant and that's what you needed. Maybe you needed to work on your people pleasing, okay.

Courtney Andersen:

Another question to ask what can I learn here? It's a learning lesson. That's what I said. Some people are going to burn their hand on the stove 25 times before it actually starts sinking in. What support do I need to move forward?

Courtney Andersen:

And that's really a key for people is that they have to find some type of support group. Because here's the thing, and I will die on this hill If people in your life do not have a problematic relationship with alcohol, they are never going to understand what you're going through and what that is going to do to you is that is going to cause resentment and that is going then to cause you to drink, because then you're going to say in that default mode, it doesn't even fucking matter, nobody cares, why am I doing this, they can all drink right. So you got to get away from that type of thinking and step more into. I need to find people. However that looks like for you, what vibes with you? What support do you need moving forward? Maybe that's now being honest with people and maybe that's even you asking your husband for a different type of support you've never asked for, or your parents or whoever right. Then you need to get back into your routine and recommit to your why right? I always say you're not starting over, you're just moving forward.

Courtney Andersen:

So that's why, again in the top of this episode, I said you can't forget the times that you had sober, and I want to say this too, because I've heard this a lot in my consult, especially for women where they're like well, I was sober during my pregnancy, okay, and it's almost like it's brushed away and I have to say that's still nine months of not living or not drinking alcohol, because there's a lot of women who, too, drink in their pregnancy. There's doctors who tell women like, yeah, it's okay, you can have a glass of wine. I never asked because clearly I was not drinking, but I know that it's what like after you're in your third trimester, it's okay. We need to hopefully have the medical world just stop suggesting that to people with this ass. Like no, just don't drink, just don't drink. I don't care what the fuck your grandparents did. Okay, because the greatest generation birthed the baby boomers and sometimes they're not all that right. Okay, I kid, I kid Baby boomers, don't come at me, but I'm just saying so. If a doctor is listening here and you have a patient, ask about that maybe. Just say just don't drink, just go for it. So women think that that's expected and the honest answer is I guarantee you more women drink pregnant than not. I used to wait on. I had many friends who drank when they were pregnant. I used to wait on women who are pregnant and would sit there and drink I don't care if it's one glass of wine At this point in 2025, we know the effects of the health effects alcohol has. So, to the women who did not drink for those nine to 10 months while being pregnant, kudos to you in that count.

Courtney Andersen:

I'm going to leave you with a journal prop and an affirmation, because I really hope that this episode helped you today and I hope that you it landed well with you right. But here's a prompt for you. What are the earliest signs I noticed when I'm slipping out of alignment with my sobriety? How can I respond to those? Sooner Again? I'm going to read it again. What are the earliest signs I noticed when I'm slipping out of alignment with my sobriety? How can I respond to those? Sooner Again. I'm going to read it again. What are the earliest signs I notice when I'm slipping out of alignment with my sobriety? How can I respond to those signs sooner?

Courtney Andersen:

And the affirmation, because I love an affirmation. I protect my peace with powerful choices. I'm allowed to create space for healing. Again and again, I protect my peace with powerful choices, I'm allowed to create space for healing again and again. This shit's not a straight line. It will be up and down, up and down like a little chart. Okay. So just give yourself some grace, soak in what I said today and apply it, implement it and move forward, and even maybe put in an affirmation. I am that bitch. Okay, whatever it is, take the affirmation, spin it where it fits with you.

Courtney Andersen:

I know affirmations can be very cheesy when I started doing them and looking in the mirror and I was like this is uncomfortable, like I couldn't even make eye contact with myself, but then after a couple of days, I'm like I'm bright, brilliant and beautiful. I'm exactly where I need to be right now, or I'm a sober woman, like it just takes a couple of days to get used to this. This is all a conditioning of your mind for the better. So you deserve to feel empowered and prepared in your sober journey, right? This episode hit home. I would love to hear from you, so screenshot it, tag me on Instagram at Sober Vibes and share your biggest takeaways with me, as always.

Courtney Andersen:

If you haven't yet, please rate, review and subscribe to the show, and if you're ever craving deeper support, I do have spots open in my sobriety circle. That is my group coaching program and one-on-one. I have one-on-one spots currently for my sober coaching. You start in the summer, it will give you better grounding for the fall and winter time, and even in 2026, okay, today is always a great time to start your sober journey. Keep remembering this is again one day at a time and continuous shifting of habits and into new habits. You're training an extremely addictive, toxic habit into shifting into new positive habits and mindset in particular. Okay, so we'll talk soon. As always, keep on trucking and stay safe out there. Thank you.

People on this episode

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Courtney Andersen

Host
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Kimberly Elledge

Co-host