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Sober Vibes Podcast
Welcome to Sober Vibes, where sobriety meets empowerment! Hosted by sober coach, author, and mom Courtney Andersen—who’s been thriving in her alcohol-free life since 8/18/2012—this podcast is your go-to space for real talk, proven strategies, and inspiring stories from women who are redefining what it means to live without alcohol.
Each week, Courtney dives deep into the topics that matter most—from conquering cravings and navigating social settings to rebuilding confidence and finding joy in sobriety. Whether you’re newly sober, in long-term recovery, or simply curious about alcohol-free living, Sober Vibes delivers the support, insights, resources, and encouragement you need.
Join a like-minded community and discover how sobriety can unlock a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life. Don’t just quit drinking—have fun on this sobriety journey!
Sober Vibes Podcast
Your Top Sobriety Questions Answered: Willpower, Dating, Sugar Cravings & More
Episode 234:Your Top Sobriety Questions Answered: Willpower, Dating, Sugar Cravings & More
In episode 234 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen answers your most pressing sobriety questions with honesty, heart, and 12 years of lived experience. Whether you’re just starting or have been alcohol-free for a while, this episode is full of relatable, real-life advice to help you stay strong, feel supported, and thrive in your recovery journey.
From breaking the myth that sobriety is all about willpower to navigating sober dating and setting boundaries with a partner who still drinks, Courtney offers insight and encouragement to meet you exactly where you are.
If you've ever wondered how to get through the evening witching hour, manage post-acute withdrawal fatigue, or stop sugar cravings from taking over, this episode is for you.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:
- Why white-knuckling through sobriety doesn’t work—and what to focus on instead
- How movement and physical activity reduce anxiety in early recovery
- What to do when low energy lingers after quitting alcohol
- Where to find women-specific recovery support and safe spaces
- Tips for dating while sober and avoiding the "overshare hangover"
- How to set boundaries if your partner still drinks
- Simple ways to break your nightly drinking routine
- What sugar cravings are really telling you and how to handle them
- Why you’re allowed to focus on sobriety first, before changing everything else
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
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Hope this episode helps you today!
Ready to thrive in your alcohol-free life? Sober Vibes: A Guide to Thriving in Your First Three Months Without Alcohol is your step-by-step guide to navigating early sobriety with confidence.
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Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast. I'm your host and Sober Coach, courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 234. For those who've been listening since day one, thank you, I love you. And for those who are new here, welcome. You are now considered a good person of the world, because that is what I call this audience.
Courtney Andersen :So today's episode is going to be a fun one. I polled the audience. I'm going to do as many as possible, okay, I polled, I sent an email, my Instagram, facebook, community of if you had any questions, a little Q&A today. So this is going to be a good one if you didn't send in one of those questions, but just to listen to. Maybe somebody asked a question that you were kind of thinking too or are at that stage of your journey. So I'm not going to say any names. Okay, I'm going to keep the names anonymous and I'm just going to share the question, all right. So here is the first one. Also, too, if you are new here, make sure that you are following or following or subscribing to the podcast. That way, you always catch an episode and you don't have to rely on social media for me to tell you that there's a new podcast episode out.
Courtney Andersen :Okay, first question and I want to say this to you before we get started there are no stupid questions. There's never stupid questions. So even if, like you, were like oh my God, when you were sending these in, is this a dumb question, there's never a dumb question. I've always thought that of just if you have a question, ask it always First question. I don't think any program will work for me because my power is non-existent. I want to be sober, but anxiety or boredom sets in and my mind is weak. Thank you for the person who sent this question in and I don't believe that willpower is all you need in this process. Okay, it really does come down to systems and it sounds cheesy, but it's true Like systems and the right support. That can only take you. Systems and the right support can only take you far.
Courtney Andersen :It does come back to you, but when you are feeling anxiety or boredom, a lot of people don't know how to sit with that. Okay, and especially in the beginning, because it's very uncomfortable, because it's like you are, you're doing something new, right, and sitting in that uncomfortableness can cause anxiety. But what I was trying to say, especially too in those first couple months, you're going through a withdrawal process. So that's usually, too, why the anxiety comes up. But if you keep going, it gets better.
Courtney Andersen :The more times that you reintroduce alcohol back into your system, the more you're going to have to keep detoxing from it. So what can you do in those moments of anxiety or boredom? Okay, it is best to keep your hand and mind busy, but when it comes to boredom it's actually to, because you're used to chasing chaos and like you're addicted to that cycle, and so it feels very not normal for people not to sit in chaos. So during that time of anxiety, I always suggest going walking, maybe working out during that time, just walking, moving the energy to get anxiety out of your bones. And I swear, after about 15 to 20 minutes of walking you do start to feel better.
Courtney Andersen :The boredom you're going to have to find something to do, and maybe that's now. Looking into an adult. Coloring books works good too for anxiety Boredom. Maybe you start picking up a new habit, or a new I'm sorry down. A new habit, a new hobby. Okay, maybe you start. You find a continuing education course that you can take. That's going to fill your time on a Wednesday, right? So the boredom thing you have to be like what can I do to get through that physical boredom, the other aspect of it, with that emotional boredom of not chasing chaos, that's going to take some time to get used to. It's going to get really uncomfortable before it gets comfortable.
Courtney Andersen :So this person did say I want to be sober. If you are saying you want to be sober, you need to keep going, you need to keep going, keep going. Even if you have slips, pick yourself back up and keep going, because you, at the core of this, you want to be sober, so you can do it. It's just about facing those hurdles and getting through it. And when it comes back to like you don't think that any program will work for you, well, maybe there's a program you haven't tried that then you can click with. Sometimes it's about finding the right support around you with the same people, with the right people in it. So I just encourage you to keep finding more help for you and don't give up, okay, next one I'm about six and a half months sober, congratulations.
Courtney Andersen :I hear about people picking up new hobbies or activities when they quit drinking, but that is not the case for me. I feel kind of bored or just get lost in time. But that is not the case for me. I feel kind of bored or just get lost in time. I thought after quitting drinking I would have extra energy or motivation, but I still feel very tired, exhausted. I'm sure I appear to look more healthy, but I don't quote unquote feel any better. So I guess the question is when do most people start feeling a true difference, like more energy, et cetera? So that first okay pause.
Courtney Andersen :Post-acute withdrawal syndrome. For some people it can last up to two years. Now I don't know anything more about this person, so I can't be like well, did you have the pink cloud, did you not? But it takes some time. In six and a half months, even though that is amazing, it's still very new. That is still very new. And you might not get that energy back to.
Courtney Andersen :You might not start getting energy until after a year. That first year I just really, truly existed. I truly existed. I was not running marathons, I was not binge pressing like 350. And God bless to anybody who had this happen. I just had to get through each day without drinking and make that my norm. Now same thing for energy. And what a lot of women you have to take in consideration too.
Courtney Andersen :Do you track your period? If you track your period, great. If you don't, please start, because also, too, with that low energy, is this around your cycle? The low energy can also be like are you vitamin D deficient, low energy, that I would always check your blood work first. I'm going to say this, and again, this is not medical advice, but once you start getting sober and your body starts leveling out, there might be a medication you could be on that is actually not doing anything or making you feel worse, but you didn't know that until you got sober to realize all this medication's not working. Again, this is not medical advice. I'm just letting you know that this is a possibility and a medication could no longer be working for you. So again, it comes down to you Check your blood work, see if your blood work's normal, or I would just give yourself to a year to see what happens. Also, I don't know if you're like me or where you live.
Courtney Andersen :Coming out of the wintertime. I'm always lower energy during the wintertime and then in the summertime it's like you can't keep me down, you can't keep me in this house, like I'm up in Adam. So there's a lot of things to take in consideration when it comes to the lower energy that your body is still getting to a baseline, something your blood work, your hormones, your hormones can be playing a role in this. All of that, okay. And medication, if I didn't say that to you. But the new hobbies when I too talk about, like in the beginning, what I did, I mean I just kept that to keep my mind busy. I am not still modj podj in picture frames and like doing arts and crafts like that. What more became then? My hobby is like reading. I really enjoy reading, but I didn't really start getting more into reading until God, maybe like year two-ish, right, and then I didn't really start getting more into moving my body until year two. So again, give yourself some grace and just figure out the energy level first, because for some people that, and then also, too, if your diet. You've got to check your diet too, if you're eating foods that are going to make you feel like a little bit more lethargic. So there's a lot of factors come into play and that is personal for everybody because of you and your body and how it responds to things. Okay, next question Do any other women feel uncomfortable being less than half of the men at AA meetings.
Courtney Andersen :I always feel like the men are rolling their eyes when women share. I know there are women's meetings, but are there other groups outside AA for sobriety support that deal specifically with women's issues around not drinking? Well, to this one, there is the sobriety circle. That is my online group coaching community and that's through a private app. I mean, when there's two meetings a week in there with a ton of other stuff that I add in there and it's women only, I truly, truly, truly, truly think, and yes, to answer this question, I'm sure there's a lot of women who feel this way, and then I know that there's some women who are fine being at tables a co-ed table right but I truly do believe that men and women are.
Courtney Andersen :They're just so different, as we all know, and I don't think that they should be blended in this. That is my personal thing, also, too, because of, just again, men don't have to deal with their second cycles, and if you've been listening to this for a long time, like you've known that I say that I am a firm believer of it is a lot harder for women to quit drinking than it is men, because of our periods and our hormones and especially, too, when we get older, dealing with perimenopause and menopause. So I'd either suggest going to the women's tables when I participate in an AA, I just sat with the women's tables or at the women's table and just hung out there because of exactly that, I didn't want to. I didn't care to be with men at that. So you would have to. If you're looking for in-person meetings, I would just take to Google and see if there's anything else around you when it comes to meetings. Or you can always to join the sobriety circle, which I will put in the link in the show notes below. Hope that answers your question. But the answer is yes, all right.
Courtney Andersen :How to not get attached to someone else's recovery made a friend who is struggling with drinking and trying to get her to go to a meeting. That's a great question. Read codependent, no more. And when it comes to this, this is where this gets like really tricky, right? Because when you start asking somebody to about their sobriety or whatnot, or you should come with me and then they're not doing it, they can get pissed right and then they can start pushing it back. You just need to keep that boundary within yourself. If this person wants to talk, talk with me about it, cool. And if they don't, that's their thing, because this is the thing too, like if they're struggling, they're going to have to figure that out on their own.
Courtney Andersen :I'm sorry, but that's the nature of this, because this really goes to a lot of human nature too, and it's if someone wants to drink, they're going to drink. They are going to drink. It doesn't matter if you can provide them 15 effing meetings in one day. They are going to do what they want to do, and a lot of people, the more you push them, the farther back they will go and put their hand out and be like I'm done, and then start kind of reclosing from you and isolating themselves. But people are going to do what they want to do. That's why I don't believe in continuing to push a person. Just say okay, if you ever need help, I'm here for you, you can always come to a meeting. I'm going to say this too, because I just had this conversation with a one-on-one client. With a one-on-one client.
Courtney Andersen :If somebody does not want to go to meetings, then also suggest this, because this could be a person's problem too, where they're like dude, I don't want to go to a meeting and you cannot. Maybe they had an experience in a 12-step program. You just have to meet a person with where they are at. So instead of saying, hey, you want to come to a meeting with me, say, hey, do you want? If you're opening yourself up like that, hey, do you want to go get a cup of coffee? Do you want to go get a Coca-Cola Classic? Do you want to meet somewhere? And you know, get a chai tea, whatever it is, what if you're drinking choices? But do you want to go and meet me there? Because maybe say that and then listen to the person and then, you know, suggest what you can suggest, and this has really helped me.
Courtney Andersen :If you ever want to come to a meeting, come to a meeting with me, like I'm always here and I will always go with you. I'm going to say it 12 steps, even though I participated and I do believe. Take what you want and leave the rest. However, it is a very it's an intimidating process. It's an intimidating first walk in the door. There's a lot going on in people's minds and that is where it's an intimidating process. It's an intimidating first walk in the door. There's a lot going on in people's minds and that is where it's just again, if, because you said that, suggesting a meeting and they're struggling, maybe they just don't want to go to that, but also too, if they're struggling and they do go to meetings, again people are going to do what they want to do when it comes down to it.
Courtney Andersen :So for you, suggest maybe some coffee, read codependent, more codependent, no more, and just that. Maybe make a pact to yourself because I have done this, where it's I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm only going to go so far with friends, and that's a healthy boundary, because that's where that starts. That can get weird with friends Like you could always just be like, hey, listen to Sober Vibes podcast really helps me out and then just recommend that to her. Like you have to have boundaries, because with friends and family, when it comes to the recovery thing, you will end up getting butt hurt if they don't do what you want them to do, and they have to. Everybody's got to figure it out for themselves. Hope that answered your question. How to navigate dating. Dealing with worry of NA beverages.
Courtney Andersen :Okay, so, dating. There was a great episode I did with Kate. I don't know within the last couple months. I would look that episode up. But when it comes to dating, I just say be open and honest. And that's to what Kate talked about in that. And even there was another dating episode I did with Leah and it was like the first couple episodes of the Sober Vibes podcast. We need to have Leah back on Vibes podcast. We need to have Leah back on.
Courtney Andersen :And so, when it comes to dating and both of these gals said this just be honest up front. Like I don't drink, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with saying that because also, too, you're going to start weaning out red flags. You're going to start weaning out people who that's all they care about, and it's not a judgment. You're going to start weaning out people who that's all they care about, and it's not a judgment. That's just facts. And you can tell when somebody really cares about drinking just by going to their social media and they have a beer in their hand or their dating profile. If it's just like them and beers or whiskey or wine, it's okay. So I just say be upfront and honest. You know, not saying to give them your whole story, but just yeah, I don't drink, because the people who are still interested, I still think that they will, if they're interested and that's not what it's all about for them. They will still continue and as nerve wracking as it can be, all I would say is just have fun and make this an empowering situation for you with dating, that you at least this time aren't messing around and that you're going to be able to spot the red flags of who you give your Spot the red flags, but also, too, of who you give your time to.
Courtney Andersen :Okay, so, dealing with the worry of NA beverages, I don't understand that. I'm not really sure if I understand that, so I'm going to skip over that. I don't know what to worry about, I think, with NA beverages for anybody when it comes. I'm talking about mocktails and NA beers and NA wines. If it is something that is causing you worry, then don't even dip your toe in there, because you might get to a point where it worries you now, but it's not going to worry you down the road.
Courtney Andersen :Now, just going back to my experience I don't touch those red wines. I don't order any of those NA wines. I don't touch those because it's too still to this day. It is too like I can taste it in the back of my mouth. It just hits me where it kind of hits a nerve and a little bit where I'm like that's a little too close to home. But NA beer I have no problem with and yeah, so I think the dealing with the worry of the NA beverages if you want to try them, try them, but if they're like worrying and causing you anxiety, like just don't even mess with them. There's nothing wrong with the sparkling water. There is nothing wrong with a Coca-Cola, there's like nothing.
Courtney Andersen :And I actually think that more people should be super comfortable with themselves of just being able to sit at a restaurant with just soda water. When you get to that level of sitting at a restaurant with just a soda water and not even giving a fuck and just like so, so comfortable within your skin, please send me a message on Sober Vibes. And I say this with the mocktails and the NAs. There's still restaurants that don't have all of this, so you don't want to then just get I don't even want to use the word dependent, because you're not dependent on it, but where you could go to a restaurant and them not having those options for you kind of messes you up and sends you into a little bit of a panic and then you're like, oh no. So, from the get, get as comfortable as you can with the soda water, like, honestly, and again, if they, if they trigger anybody, then don't trigger them, all right.
Courtney Andersen :Next question Hi, it had come to the point where I can't stop drinking. It had come to the point where I can't stop drinking. Okay, well, this if it has come to the point where you can't stop drinking, I would suggest, on this, rehab, if that's a place, if that's an option for you, because there are people who need rehab. There are people who need rehab and very much benefit from that Also too. Again, this is not medical advice, but I just want to say, because I don't think people understand, that there are medications out there you can talk to your doctor with that you can take. If it works between you and your doctor, that helps you in the process of quitting drinking. And I've coached many women who have taken medicine and I cannot remember the names of quitting drinking. And I've coached many women who have taken medicine and I cannot remember the names of the medication. Right now there's one that makes you super sick if you even drink on it, and then there's another one where it's like it makes you not even crave alcohol. So that's something worth talking to your primary care physician and there's no shame in taking that, I think, if that is out there for you to, it's out there for you. Look into it, all right. Next question and also too, going back to that, I would talk to your doctor anyway about withdrawal and detox, especially if it's coming to the point where you cannot stop drinking. So rehab's an option, if that's an option for you, and medication and talking with your doctor about properly detoxing, because there's places you can go and you can detox. Next question Okay, I'm a facilitator for Smart Recovery here in the Charlotte area, north Carolina. I love it.
Courtney Andersen :A popular theme has reared its head again the last couple of weeks at our meetings my spouse is still drinking. I don't want to come off as nagging or controlling. How do I address this with them? I'm just going to read a little bit more so I can. Here's the back of it. And yes, we talk about boundaries and making sure they are clear, quote, unquote, clear, set boundaries, but for many reasons, it is a problem for several in my group, both men and women. Okay, and I just want to say this I, I was.
Courtney Andersen :I screenshotted all of these, so I'm reading them off of my phone. So I didn't pre-read these because I wanted this to be very natural, but this I just this is going to sound really harsh. This is going to sound really harsh. There has got to be a point where you have to say when is enough enough? Okay, you set the boundaries right, you've done the things you've, you've tried supporting them, you've probably enabled them and this is coming from, this is, this is for the spouses. You've supported them, you've done the things like I said, and they keep walking all over you, they keep drinking. So I do believe there has to come a point where then, that person needs to make the right decision for themselves of whether staying in that relationship is the right move for them and continuing to live like that, because their spouses then aren't good and tired. And maybe for some of these people maybe because I don't think that I think for some people they need that to be part of their wake-up call Fuck, my wife finally left me.
Courtney Andersen :She finally left. I never thought she was going to do that, and I actually have a gal pal who's going through a divorce right now, and it had nothing to do with drinking, but she had been asking for things to change for a couple of years. And do you want to know what he said? When she finally served papers? He was in shock and he said straight up to her I never thought you would do this.
Courtney Andersen :So I just feel like there's got to be a point that you say enough is enough. I'm done living like this, I'm done being the enabler. He or she will not listen to me and there's no getting through. So what do I need to do to live my best life, because I'm done with this. And again, that's just where I come from and I don't, because I also am the product of people who got divorced when I was seven. And now, being a woman who is 42 years young and in marriage I'll be married in October, 10 years Marriage is not easy. Marriage is not easy.
Courtney Andersen :So I do come from a place of. If divorce is going to make you better and have a better life for yourself and the kids, do it, because what is worse for kids? So my parents got divorced when I was seven, so seven. And then I know people who their parents got divorced when they were like 18, 19, 20 years old, because that is the thing. These people claim to stick around for the better of their kids. And then that messes people up where they're. Like what just happened? My parents were together all this time but secretly people hated each other.
Courtney Andersen :So I just I come from a place of and I know not everybody's going to agree with that, but it's just, you got to do what's best for you. And especially if the person is not doing anything for themselves and keeps slipping up like how long are you supposed to stick around? That's not a way for that person to live. And if there's children involved, like I know, people think that these children cannot tell, or that's what they keep telling themselves. But it is true, and I don't know if anybody has seen it or not. But there was a stat going around the internet a little bit ago where it was talking about what makes a child happy, right, talking about what makes a child happy, right, and what makes a kid happy is dependent upon the mother's happiness. Isn't that the wildest stuff you've ever just heard? I was like holy moly. So again, I mean, and they want to see a happy dad. But like that's come on, what do you want your kids to then grow up and then that's what they attract, because that's what's going to happen. They will attract a person who is a drinker and then it gets into two with kids, and kids will then be codependent and that is what they think will be normal. This is all fact. So I don't know if anyone's going to that answer, but at some point you have to make an adult decision and be like is this a relationship I want to keep moving forward with? Hey, good people of the world, it's Courtney, and if you're in your first year or your fifth year of sobriety, let's be real.
Courtney Andersen :Summers can be tough, like a very, very, very challenging. It took me a couple summers to finally feel comfortable. There's something about warm weather, parties and poolside drinks that can make it feel like everybody's drinking but you. But just because drinking culture ramps up, especially during this time, doesn't mean your progress has to slow down. That's where a tool like Soberlink can help. It's a high-tech breathalyzer that helps people in recovery stay accountable, not through shame, but through structure, scheduled daily tests. Let you share instant, verified results with the people who support you, so you don't have to do it alone, worried someone might question your results. They can't, because Soberlink uses facial recognition and tamper detection, so there's no way to cheat it. Whether you're rebuilding trust or you just want that extra layer of support this summer, soberlink is here to help you stay the course of your journey, I've witnessed people benefit from Soberlink and I want you to be the next Visit wwwsoberlinkcom. Forward slash sober dash vibes to sign up and receive 50% off your device today. You can also check the link in the show notes below Okay, all right.
Courtney Andersen :Next question how do you stay sober Every day? Wake up with so much enthusiasm to not drink? I work out, try to eat healthy, get my stuff done for the day Also, just enjoy the day like being in nature. But by the time it hits eight o'clock, well, thank you for sharing that, because I'm sure that that probably was not easy to write. So we're just going to start with one day, okay. First, I want you to talk to your doctor, too, about detox. I want anybody to talk to their doctor about if they need to detox from alcohol, and so you're going to start with one day.
Courtney Andersen :We're going to get you on one day, okay, of not drinking and what is happening around eight o'clock? See, you are in this cycle, okay, maybe two. Maybe you try to go to bed before eight o'clock. Maybe at eight o'clock you make yourself a delicious soda, water, a cocktail, if that's your thing, and do that because this is also too. It's very habitual and this has become a ritual for you. So at a point you do have to do to get yourself out of this a little bit.
Courtney Andersen :Some I'm not going to drink and not even have it in your house. I would start there. Do not have it in your house and have some type of replacement for yourself, right, and go from there and get one day and then see how you feel the next day, those first couple days. So you're going gonna go through a little bit of withdrawal. So I'm just letting you know there might be some anxiety around that eight o'clock, or get out of your house during that time. If it doesn't bother you too much to get out of your house, you might then, where you don't feel like you have to drive to a bar or a store, maybe go to a movie during that time. Maybe, if you're working out, maybe instead of working out during the day, you start doing that for that eight o'clock hour, because this is also too, I would have to say a little bit. I'm just going to guess, just going to guess.
Courtney Andersen :There's some self-sabotage in that and I know that because I used to be the same with trying to hit all of these marks in a day and then I would be like very exhausted, but then I would use that too as a rewarding myself of, well, you did this, this and this, and then I would start drinking, right, like I felt like a productive member of society, and being a productive member of society during that time for me then led into I can drink. So start with one day and you might do one day out of seven days without drinking. The following you might do two to three to four days without drinking. Sometimes you have to cut it down a little bit to eventually get yourself to not quit drinking, Because this doesn't even to me personally, this doesn't even sound like you've hit a thing of moderation yet for yourself and a lot of women, once they start recognizing that there is an issue with alcohol, then they get into a moderation cycle. And I'm just being realistic, because when you have drank for so long like that, just not drinking, all of a sudden it's not realistic, it's not, and a lot of people who say they're going to quit drinking. It takes them some time to then really get to the silver days. So I wish you well and you can do it. Just start with one day, okay, and then add on.
Courtney Andersen :Next question social struggles, figuring out if or when can they have an NA beverage, rebuilding relationships, okay. So the NA beverage is again, it's a personal choice of whether that's not going to trigger you or not. When I first got sober, matthew was going to a therapist. His therapist was like well, because I would drink NA beers and not that old duels BS, okay, it was this German one that I liked. The therapist was saying to him was like I don't think she should be drinking NAs. And I was like trust me, I am not going to slip. Now some people do and I like again, I respect everybody's decision in this of what works best for them. And then this mofo, years later, he then he loves NA beverages, na beer. I should say so the NA beverage you just have to figure out. Just start with a beer, an NA beer, and see if that's. You take the first couple of sips and you're like no, then don't continue to drink it. If it triggers, you don't like, but there's no, there's no, but there's no time to figure out when you're ready for that.
Courtney Andersen :I just do believe that there's people who drink them and there's people who don't, and it's all personal Rebuilding relationships. So I would start, if a person you have, I would start rebuilding relationships with one person at a time. That's just unlike. How many people did you pee off in your active drinking and rebuild the relationships that you truly want to? Don't think, oh my God, I need to right my wrongs with all of these people. I'm sorry, but some people are not worth your time, because some people were bigger bags than you were. You know what I mean. And it's just that some people I do believe that you meet along the way in your life, whether you're in active addiction or not, that are just not good human beings. So do they deserve your breath? So it just all depends on rebuild the relationships with the people who matter most with you.
Courtney Andersen :And when I say, start it with one person at a time, just start with one person at a time. And just the way you rebuild relationships is keep showing the person you are today and that is you on your word of not drinking today, because then what adds up. Days add up, right, and then all they know now for a long period of time is who you are now. And this is what's going to always like when a person slips their behavior, then goes back. So if you're not slipping your behavior and all of that is not going to feel familiar to that person and they're like okay, this is so-and-so showing up and this is like the sober person I know People can tell. You can tell when somebody is sober and you can tell when they're not. Like you can tell, you can tell by talking to a person. So the rebuilding of the relationships is going to take time and that's something that you as the person can't get frustrated with, because who's ever meeting you? On that other end of the relationship there was hurt done and so they have to. Then just you have to just show them a changed behavior, because it's like words, words, words, words, words. But it's the changed behavior that really really really adds up.
Courtney Andersen :And social struggles too. I'm not really sure with that one of you like anxiety, like what would the struggles be? I still do believe on anybody still using the 60 minute rule of just going to a place with give yourself an hour at a place and then dip out. So, with the social struggles, I can't give you anything more because I don't really know. I'm specific of what you are struggling. You can always reach out to me about that and I can elaborate for you via DM or email.
Courtney Andersen :All right, next one I probably have questions about how to start, how to deal with feelings less than and how to take the first steps. This is all new for me and sometimes I feel the money factor has a lot to do with decisions. Well, thank you for sending that in and, yes, this is perfect. When you say this is all new for me. Okay, that's what I'm saying. And that's when I was going back to the person who was saying about the friend who was struggling this is very overwhelming for people. This is very overwhelming for people. And then going back to the one person who was saying, like, if I think back, like I drink every day. I drink every day. So that is why I like to give a lot of empathy. Like I get it, it's very overwhelming, it is so sometimes the answer isn't just well, you need to go to meetings right away. That's not the answer for all of it. It's okay. How to start Again. Please talk to your doctor about detox. I don't know how much, truthfully, everybody drinks on a day to day. So, like doctor, talk about detox. If you need to go that route, that is where you need to start and then, after you talk with that doctor, if you decide to do or not, then it's okay. Then you don't drink that day, right? Maybe you then get rid of all the alcohol in the house so you don't have it there tempting you in the face when it's not like talking to you.
Courtney Andersen :Remember the Cosby show and RIP Theo. You and I love the Cosby show, so this one is referencing that man, but that was a man. This was a show. I'm talking about Bill Cosby show, so this one is referencing that man, but that was a man. This was a show. I'm talking about Bill Cosby, but don't you remember, if you watched it, when he used to have dreams, when he would eat before he went to bed, like the sandwiches, and then he would have the dreams and they would be like the Muppets, like in the fridge, talking to him, and if you don't, that's cool, but it's almost like that, having alcohol in the house like that it's just tempting you.
Courtney Andersen :We're going to have this like Muppet wine bottle being like drink me, and so you're going to start by dumping the stuff out of your house. If you live with somebody, you need to tell them if you can put that in a way. Put that away where it's out of sight, out of mind. Out of sight, out of mind, so you don't even know where it is. Okay, and it's nothing to be embarrassed about asking if you live with the person, if they can do that and you're not going to drink that day, okay, that's your first day of what you need to do. And then the next day you're going to wake up and then you're going to figure it out that day of not drinking. Okay, the feelings are not going to calm right.
Courtney Andersen :On day one or day two, I'm going to tell you that You're going to go more through a process of like a little hangover. You're going to be more irritable, you might have some anxiety and you're going to be tired. So rest as much as possible Now in these couple days. That is where then you can find okay, what is the type of support and help I need, because I do believe that is the next best step for anybody to find that support, because it's way easier to do this with people around you than it's not right around you, then it's not right. So then you're going to find that you can take to Google find if you want to go the 12-step route. If you want to find an addiction therapist or a therapist who specialize in alcohol use disorder, you can come join the Sobriety Circle, which is my group coaching program, or I have one-on-one coaching, or if there's other sober coaches you vibe with. So that is options for you. There's also smart recovery. There's all different types, but you just have to figure out, with help, what's going to be the best option for you.
Courtney Andersen :Also, too, my book which will be two in August that takes you through your first 90 days August. That takes you through your first 90 days, which is very helpful, and in that book, too, I do a bunch of journal prompts that's going to help you deal with these feelings as well that are eventually going to come up. I can't tell you, though, like on day 10, you're going to be like going back to your childhood and giving the middle fingers to your parents. I don't know if that's real or not. Like for you, but you, it's a process. It is a process, but it is one decision that when you make it and you stick with it, even if it's going to look like a week sober, a couple days drinking, two weeks sober, one day drinking four week sober, a couple days drinking, two weeks sober, one day drinking, four months sober, three days drinking, one year sober and beyond, it is going to take you a little bit of a process to get to where it's going to be. Then you live a sober life, an alcohol-free life. Okay, but it is very overwhelming and it is new because you haven't been here before. So again, though, with the money factor I don't know the money factor, but you do have to prioritize what you can do again for yourself with the help that you need. But also, when you quit drinking, you also, again, you're saving money.
Courtney Andersen :Some people spend $30 a day on alcohol. Okay, let's just get, let's just 10 to 30. If not more, if not more, maybe, on a weekly basis people are spending 50 to $100. So then that's 400, let's just say $400 a month. I mean, I used to go to the bar and spend like $250. It was insane. Or $100. It was always over $100. And sometimes I still giggle to this day when my husband and I go out to eat, I'm like this stuff is cheap. What should you say? We got an app. We got an app in two dinners for $40. Good Lord, good Lord. So this is new.
Courtney Andersen :I continue to encourage you to keep going and listen to the Sober Vibes podcast. This is a free resource. There's tons of other Sobriety podcasts for you to tune into. There's free resources everywhere when it comes to this, and again, the 12-step program is free if that is something that you want to look into or other types of programs around you. So I wish you all the luck with this so you can do it.
Courtney Andersen :Anybody who emailed and is new to this. Thank you for sending your questions because, like I said, I'm sure it's very hard just to type that out. All right, next question my number one biggest issue after getting sober was my need for dopamine. I gained so much weight because I was replacing alcohol with candy and chocolate. I was able to detox from sugar, which was almost worse than alcohol. Lol. This is true. My question, my question what are some tools to cope with this? I feel so guilty for being back at, for not being back in the gym yet. I'll be four months sober on Monday Time to get my ass in gear. Congrats on four months.
Courtney Andersen :And I want to say this four months is still early, okay. When it comes to people stuck on this time thing, please remember how long you put alcohol into your system for. Okay. So 10 years from law, let's say 10 years, and then, at four months, like things are not going to be back to normal 20, 20 years, 15 years, 30 years. You have to give yourself some time.
Courtney Andersen :And when it comes to the thing which is great, like those first couple months, even that first year, like if you are eating some candy, you've got to choose your heart. And especially because I know that this is a woman sending it in to me and I have to say this to the gals out there specifically because I mean you have to choose your heart, I mean you have to choose your heart and if that means that you are going to gain a little bit of weight, then you're going to gain a little bit of weight to kick the alcohol right. And if sometimes you need a cupcake over a cocktail, eat the cupcake. Okay, and some people might not like that answer and I'm not supporting, I'm not encouraging you just to eat all the time but eat sugar all the time. But this is normal for many to go from alcohol then to the sugar issue and craving that. This is all normal and don't get to a point where it's I'm mad at myself for not getting in the gym. Your body needs rest. You will get to the gym when you're ready to put that back on your plate. So even if at four months you're like that still feels like I'm just not there yet, you might get there at six months. My thing a little each day adds up and I don't believe in then being like I'm going to, because I did this for so long, I'm going to quit drinking, I'm going to lose a bunch of weight, I'm going to get my credit score to this, I'm going to be a better human being. And then after a couple of days it was overwhelming and it was too much, because setting that expectation on yourself, especially for high achievers, it's too much, because then you end up getting overwhelmed and then saying F it and then drinking. So give yourself some grace on this. But if you are back in the gym, congratulations and just do what you can do. I want to say this too.
Courtney Andersen :So there's two times in my life where I really had to take on a new identity. Honestly, when I quit drinking alcohol, I had to figure out who this new person was. Who was the Courtney without alcohol, right? I had to figure out who this new person was. Who was the Courtney without alcohol, right? And then the second time was when I became a mom, and these two were very similar and so the little dictator good people of the world is going to be four coming up here in a month. Can you believe that?
Courtney Andersen :My point of this is is, when I became a mom, I then thought I was going to lose that weight within like months before trimester. Then I get some humble pie and that didn't happen. I then had back problems. I then got to a point where I did lose like 15 pounds but then fluctuated 10 pounds. I would lose 10, gain 10 back. I fluctuated with another 10. And that carried on for a couple of years and in this process it was like I decided to write a book during this time. I decided then to, after writing that book, then go on a podcast tour. I'm doing all these podcasts, so that was a good year and a half of my life.
Courtney Andersen :The point of it is is I kept beating myself up, thinking that I needed to be at this specific point because I had had this child. So in years right prior, oh my God, all these other people, all these other moms like lose this weight and seem like they're really enjoying motherhood and have taken on this identity Like meanwhile. Then I have postpartum OCD thinking, these ridiculous thoughts, then have to go through a process of seeing a therapist, right, not really feeling like myself until about 18, when he was 18 months to two years and then being like, okay. So my point of it is is I have not even really addressed that weight loss until this last year, until this last year, because I only mentally could take on so much each day to start really truly taking care of me. And that is what I'm trying to say In those four months. There's only so much you can take on during a special time like that and a vulnerable time, right. So don't beat yourself up. Whether you go to the gym today or not, you're exactly where you need to be right now for you, okay. And I stopped beating myself up in this process of the last year and it's actually been very freeing. So I just think for women it's like we feel like we need to be on this timeline of things and it's so cheesy. But when I do, when I read or hear people talk about seasons of life and I know I've done it, but it's not until these last couple of years where I it's hot garbage and sometimes it's really good, but there's only so much you can do in a day, right? So just give yourself some grace, okay? Just, you will get to it when you get to it. One more, and I'm going to end it at that, and I hope you guys like this, because I'll do this again every couple of months. I enjoyed it Again.
Courtney Andersen :This one how to navigate dating with early sobriety. Be honest. Be honest up front, not in the sense of telling a person your whole story, but just, yeah, I don't drink. If they ask why I feel better not drinking, that's all you got to say. That's all you got to say. And if they're like, are you going to? Is this a forever thing? Be like this is a today thing, that's it. You don't have to sound as I don't know if I sounded a little rude about that, but make it your own and practice that before you go out on a date. But I think if you're going the dating route app, you can say in your bio like you're not a drinker and listen to the episodes with Kate that happened within these like last 10 episodes, and then with Leah from the very beginning, because it's helped them be honest, and those first couple of dates I always think are probably going to be very awkward and like even too like having sex with somebody new sober. That's going to be awkward but it is really enjoyable, like it's just you're doing something new without booze, but have fun with it. Okay, all right.
Courtney Andersen :Good people of the world, as always, I will put the sobriety circle information in the show notes below If you want to join that group coach program. If you're, if you're looking for more one-on-one help, I do have slots open, so feel free to apply to work with me. My book information is down below. I have my Instagram page, the Facebook group that's for women only, so there is options of help, even if you are just following along and even if you just listen to this podcast. I love it. Thank you so much because I enjoy doing this podcast and talking with you. Good people of the world, all right, as always. Keep on trucking and please reach out to me. Please send me a message on Sober Vibes on my Instagram page if you enjoyed this Q&A style, because, like I said, I will do more in the future. I want to. I enjoyed it. All right, keep on trucking and stay safe out there.
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