Alcohol and Relationships: How to Manage Friendships, Dating, and Marriage in a Life After Alcohol

When you stop drinking, it doesn’t just change your habits; it changes your relationships. And that shift can feel uncomfortable, exciting, confusing, and empowering all at once.

In this episode of the Sober Vibes Podcast, I break down how quitting alcohol impacts friendships, dating, marriage, and family dynamics, and how to navigate those changes with confidence and clarity. From handling awkward conversations to setting boundaries, this episode is your guide to building healthier, more aligned relationships in your alcohol-free life.

Whether you’re sober curious, navigating grey area drinking, or trying to learn how to relax without alcohol, this episode offers both compassion and strategy for anyone in early sobriety or shaky sobriety.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

•  Why relationships shift when you stop drinking
•  What to say when people question your choices
•  How to handle dating and intimacy without alcohol
•  How to build new, supportive friendships in sobriety
•  Why long-term partners may react the way they do
•  How to create a connection based on honesty not drinking
•  How community support makes it easier to stop drinking and stay consistent

🎧 Listen now: Alcohol and Relationships: How to Manage Friendships, Dating, and Marriage in a Life After Alcohol

Resources Mentioned: 

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Episode with Kate

Episode with Leah 

PODCAST SPONSOR:

This episode is sponsored by Soberlink, a trusted accountability tool for anyone navigating early recovery. Whether you're rebuilding trust with loved ones or want more structure in your sobriety, Soberlink offers a discreet and empowering way to stay on track.

Sober Vibes listeners, sign up HERE and claim our $100 Enrollment Bonus.

This episode is sponsored by ExactNature, a trusted holistic tool for anyone navigating recovery and sobriety. Use code SV25 at checkout to receive a discount on your order. Click here to shop and save. 

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Why Relationships Shift
• 4:38 Clarity After Sobriety And Life Reassessment
• 9:43 Intentional Circles And Holiday Timing
• 12:28 Community, Support, And Sponsor Offers
• 15:13 Friendship Shifts And Boundaries
• 23:28 Energy, New Friends, And People Pleasing
• 30:48 Dating Alcohol Free With Confidence

Transcript

Courtney Andersen: 1:56

Quinting alcohol doesn't just change you, it changes your relationships too. Friends you've partied with, a partner who still drinks alcohol, right? Dating in a world obsessed with wine and beer and whiskey. It can feel very, very complicated. But here's the truth: you don't have to lose yourself, your connections, or your joy when you ditch alcohol. You just have to navigate relationships differently, and today I'm breaking it down for you. Welcome to Sober Vibes, your podcast for alcohol-free lifestyle tips and real talk about long-term sobriety. I'm your host, Courtney Anderson, sober coach, author, and mom. Each week I share strategies, stories, and encouragement to help you navigate cravings, build confidence, and thrive in sobriety. Whether you're sober curious or years in, this is your space to feel supported and inspired. Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes Podcast Party, people. I am your host, Courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 252. I'm a sober coach, author, and creator of Sober Vibes. If you've been feeling unsure about how to handle your relationships or how they're going to fit into your alcohol-free life, whether it's friendships, relationships, right, dating, marriage, or even family dynamics, today's episode is will give you the clarity and the support that you need. When you take alcohol out of your life, it shifts the balance. It really does. It changes conversations, routines, comfort zones, okay? And it reveals the truth of what's working for you and what's not, which is a beautiful thing. It often can feel scary, it can feel isolating, right? You can feel alone, but it is also too incredibly powerful and it's incredibly empowering, I should say. A lot of people think when they just quit drinking, it's like it's just gonna be about not drinking alcohol, but it becomes so much more because you do realize, and it's the clarity you get. I'm telling you, that clarity, that clarity trumps a lot of stuff. I think it trumps majority of there's a lot of benefits, right? But that clarity, I think, is like the number one thing that you gain that is so worth it. I will never forget, like two years into my journey when the clarity came of, dude, I don't want to sit in this office for the rest of my life anymore. Okay. I know this is kind of random, but like I this is not what I want to be doing. And it was a decision I made in my act of drinking that I that's what I thought I wanted to do for the rest of my work life of work in the medical field and advance in that and become a nurse and all of that. And then when I was in it, I'm like, nope. And I woke up sober, I'm like, no, thank you. No disrespect to anybody in that because we need that, and nurses and people and them and doctors and people in the medical world are amazing. It just that wasn't what my true soul called for. So that's like even with the clarity that you get into relationships. So I know this episode will help you, and I wanted to drop this. This is dropping the day after Thanksgiving. So again, if you had, I hope everybody in the states had an amazing Thanksgiving. And but I wanted this one specifically to drop after Thanksgiving and kind of going into the holidays and even to in 2026, because with your intention into the new year, it could be looking, you could be looking to really examine the relationships around you. As I've gotten older and more into my self, I should say, when I say self, like coming out of the chapter of, even though now I'm a mom, but that new momhood, if you've been here for with me through the process of me becoming a mom, like in this last year or two, I really feel like I've come into my own again in this new chapter of Courtney the Mother, even though I'm much more than that, but just adding that into a part of me that now I really am like more in more intentional to with my time and the people that I spend it with, and even to talking to people like even my friends that I talk to. And it's really, really, really intentional. I see why when people get older their circles become smaller and smaller, and that is a-okay. So, anyways, I just wanted to share that with you. If you haven't yet, please make sure to rate, review, and subscribe to the show. If you are watching on YouTube, make sure you hit that subscribe button, comment in the comment in the comment section, and let me know where you're from, how you have been enjoying the podcast. And I'm excited to jump in. So again, if you are needing craving and community navigating these life after alcohol shifts, the sobriety circle is where it's at. You can get support, connection, and guidance from women who truly get it. We've actually talked about this too on one of the most recent meetings. We talked about the dynamics of when you're married or if you're in a relationship, because those dynamics do shift. And it was such a great meeting, and it's this person needed to hear it at that time of the kind of the roles that you play. And for a lot of people, they are the one who had the problem. And so it was heavily, heavily focused on their problem. And then once you stop quit when you quit drinking alcohol, then it's whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is not all about me anymore. This is you have some stuff that I've been just suppressing for so many years because I was overcompensating for my drinking, it was all about me. That was a really great conversation that we had on one of our meetings. So the sobriety circle is a safe space. You can check it out in the link in the show notes or go to CourtneyRecovered.com and find the sobriety circle on there. Also, two on there, I have when the meetings are going on. So, yeah, so check it out. Come and join. So, getting in today's conversation, okay. And I'm gonna coach you through a little bit of what to do with these types of relationships. And so the relationship breakdown. So, friendships, why do some change? Why do some fade and some strengthen? Right. So when you quit drinking, when you quit drinking alcohol, your friendships often shift, okay. That it will happen. So please know that if you're going through something like this, or I don't want this conversation when it comes to this, because I know especially for a lot of women, our relationships mean the world to us. But I don't want this to be an excuse for you not to continue with your alcohol-free life, okay? Because no matter what, at the end of the day, the best decision you are going to make for yourself is to quit drinking alcohol and just play out this process because it is a process, but it's a beautiful one, even though there's some days where you wanna you just like air punch, air punch or air kick. It's not, it's not hard or it's not easy. I'm sorry, there's very there's hard days, but just know that it is going to be the best decision for yourself, right? So again, your friendships will often shift at first. There is a different dynamic because of who you're becoming, right? So some friends will celebrate your decision and be happy for you. Some get awkward and some do drift away, but that is okay because it's life. So this is the truth that no one really says out loud. Not every friendship is built to go where you're going. That's life, though. You do outgrow friends, right? So, friends you've only knew through the drinking version of yourself. You you may not understand, they may not understand your growth, right? And not understand boundaries. And that is okay. Okay, like the we have to now understand, because I know it's very when you're on that side, and so in those first couple of years of sobriety, you take a lot of things personally, which I don't want you to anymore. I want you just to kind of tell yourself, like, okay, Courtney, just shut the fuck up, and this isn't about me, and not saying it like where you're you are dismissing your feelings or emotions, but in all honesty, it's just because you are in a very vulnerable state and everything seems heightened where you can take things more personally. I want to save you some headache and some of your feelings where you know I don't want you to take it all so personally. And I say that with respect and love, okay. So, what happens in sobriety is that sobriety is actually going in alcohol-free living. It's gonna highlight the friends who are real and the ones who support you alcohol-free living, and it just doesn't support the one who drinks, right? And this is honestly where deeper connection grows, right? So I want you to evaluate your friendships by support, safety, and energy. Don't explain yourself repeatedly. One clear boundary is enough. Add a new sober positive friendship to the balance to the old ones. And this is what I'm saying about adding the new sober positive friendships. It's going to take you some time to start attracting. If you are not in some type of community or support group, it's going to take you some time to start attracting sober people in your life. You have to remember that the energy you carried in your active drinking was stale AF. Okay. It truly was. Like it, and it was not a healthy energy. You have to then go through the motions of living alcohol-free. And it's going to take a couple months for the world to catch up with the energy you were getting out. I know this might sound woo-woo to people. You guys know me. I love the woo-woo, but this is very, very, very true. Okay. So it is going to take you some time to meet people. That's why, again, I recommend the sobriety circle if you are a fan of sober vibes and love this space because the women in there, it is so nice to have that connection and they are so very supportive of one another. And it is just, it's, it's at least you have that, right? But you know, again, try other communities if you vibe with, but there's people in there that are at least at the same situation that you are at in life. They are they are exactly where you are, and it will be easier to connect with people and not feel so alone if you are in some type of community or program. Truly. You can find your people, and that is what you need. So when you enter something like that, you are going then to attract those new sober people into your life, right? So, again, do this. You need to evaluate your friendships by support, safety, and energy and put the time into the people who are supporting you. Stop giving your power away to the people who don't give a fuck. I know because I did that for a long time, because again, I had to figure out my codependency and people pleasing, but like I spent more time in those early days worrying on about people who didn't give a flying fajita about sober Courtney. And you know what's funny? I don't talk to them today. I don't talk to them. So that is where it's, I wish I wouldn't have given all of that energy away, or if it was wasted energy and thought and focused more on the people who, if I did go out to dinner with them, they were like, Hey, do you mind if I have wine? And again, if somebody asks you that, it's them just trying to support you with where you're at. That's them being a good friend. Because if they didn't ask, honestly, I do look at it as are they really that good of a friend? I mean, the like I said, the friends who asked me those questions in the beginning are still friends to this day. And the other ones who didn't even have that as a thought of my in me and newly sobriety, I'm not friends with today. And it's not because of that particular situation. It's just because of their relationship with alcohol and where our lives went, right? Because not every friend is gonna go with you. Not every friend's gonna go with you. So focus on the people who are very supportive and the ones who will do coffees with you now, who will do hikes, who will go on walks with you, who will want to go out with a pedicure, who will want to go to breakfast with you, right? Because you have to shift those dynamics of you need to ask people on, bring it to the table of what you want to do and stop letting people be like, all right, well, let's just go for dinner. Because if dinner triggers you, ask them to do something else. So dating without alcohol, yes, it's possible. And again, I do believe it's probably way better for my situation. Just to let you know first, my husband and I, we weren't husband and and wifey yet, but we we were together a year and a half and then we quit. So, really during that time of us getting because he quit too, we had to rediscover now our relationship and what we did. Okay. I also too have a great podcast that I will link that I did with my friend Leah and Kate, who was who's been a member of Sober Vibes for very, very in the community for a very long time. So I will link those to the show notes below so you can listen to those if you are like, Well, how am I gonna date without alcohol? And accordingly, you weren't you weren't single at the time. So that is why I'm gonna link them. I'm just this is just my coaching advice and for you on that dating alcohol free can and I know can feel terrifying. Again, I had to now, it was like man and I started off at like ground zero, even to have sex with him after I already was having sex with him for a year and a half was like it was different. It was totally different. So I get that many of the first dates revolve around drinks, right? And people assume that alcohol equals chemistry and it does not. Sobriety is a built-in filter. So anyone who's not comfortable with your alcohol-free life, they're not your match. Move on, period, point blank. So dating without alcohol too lets you see red flags sooner, communicate, communicate more clearly, and actually build a real connection and not an alcohol-induced connection. Again, that conversation that Kate and I have, like, I can't, even before when I was dated in my active addiction, I would get these men hammered and then go home and have sex with him. And then the next day I'm like, oh my God, I don't have anything in common with you, and I don't even find you like that attractive. Sorry, but because alcohol, that's what alcohol does, it makes you pretty much attracted to anybody. These are some tools that you can use. Definitely on your dating profiles, just put that you don't drink, okay? Just and use the, of course, the I don't drink boundary, but if that's already up in your profile or that's already talked about, then you don't need to explain anything more. Again, you don't need to give people your whole story on date one, right? You can also too pick up alcohol optional free dates where it's coffee, walking, right? So pick activities that don't revolve around drinking being the source. And that Kate talked about that too in that episode. And even if somebody was like, oh, let's go meet at a brewery or something, you can kind of then pick up the red flags. Okay, this is you can tell that this person it means something to them, right? Again, it's not a judgment, but you can just tell. So you have more power than you think when it comes to dating. Again, I'm gonna put it at the top. If they don't respect your alcohol-free journey, sober journey, you not drinking, then they are not worth your time. And that is where you have to start building that trust within yourself. Like just because somebody is showing you attention but does not respect that, it doesn't mean that you then be like, okay, give up your boundaries for some tool. Like, honestly. 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You guys know I'm a huge fan. I use this on a regular basis, and I love this company. Nothing tests sobriety quite like holiday gatherings. Am I right? Between family stress, endless parties, and more alcohol ads than you can count, it can feel like a sea of triggers. And if you're in your first year of sobriety, you need something that helps shoulder the load, not add to it. Thankfully, they're soberlink, the only high-tech breathalyzer trusted by addiction professionals, because it works. With scheduled daily tests, you can share instant, verified results with the people who support you, so you never have to convince someone of your progress. They get to see it and celebrate it with you in real time. And because Soberlink uses built-in facial recognition and tamper sensors, there's no way to cheat these results. Soberlink now offers device rentals, making daily accountability more accessible than ever. Whether you're rebuilding trust with loved ones or just want an extra layer of support this holiday season, Soberlink can help you stay laser focused on your recovery goals through the celebrations and long after the tree comes down. Visit www.soberlink.com forward slash sober dash vibes to sign up and claim your $100 enrollment bonus. You can also check the link in the show notes below. Marriage and long-term partnerships. Okay, when one person quits and one doesn't. This is one of the biggest pain points for women who quit drinking. How do I navigate my marriage when my partner still drinks? This one's huge. This one is huge. This is one that I get asked a lot, a lot, a lot of into of like women like, well, how do I get my husband to quit drinking? It's like you're not gonna get they need to come up with that decision on their own. It you just have to focus on yourself and what works for you, right? You don't need your partner to quit drinking, but you do need to communicate with them and respect and put down boundaries. So you now have to make that. And maybe too, again, this is what I was saying at the top of this episode is that for so long in marriages and partnerships, you were the one that didn't say much because you were the problem. So when you get sober, you have to start speaking up for yourself and put down firm communication. I know that's in boundaries too. Like a boundary could be like, hey, can you just not have alcohol in the house? You want to put it in your garage, you go put it in your basement, when it man cave, whatever the hell people have nowadays, like you go do that. But for me and my journey, I don't want it in the house until I say otherwise. Because then there might get to a period where a year down the road, you're like, Yeah, I don't care if he has a sixer in the fridge. Okay. So that is where you have to start speaking up and asking for that person to respect those boundaries, especially to if you have been in a long relationship and they haven't respected you. The time is about to change. And if they don't respect you, then that's something that you have to make a decision down the road. But you remember that you have to keep doing this for yourself. And something that happens after you quit drinking, right? It's not, it's not it's patterns when it comes to when you after you quit drinking, it's these new patterns, these new habits, new rituals. And that bleeds into the relationship. So that's what I'm saying. You have to rebuild new patterns and and habits and rituals with your partner now. Again, maybe instead of doing going for happy hour, you go for uh coffee, right? And you have to really re figure out the ways that you spent together. You have to figure out a new way of spending together. Maybe you don't do happy hours anymore, you go for a walk wherever you live, right? Maybe then you guys go to the gym, maybe you go see a movie. That first year of some sobriety, I we would I would go to the mall on the weekend. We would get a coffee, we would go to the mall. Like that to me was 11. But it was it it broke up the pattern of what we used to do on a Friday night, and that would be or a Saturday too, and that would be to go out for dinner drinks and getting hammered, right? And this is going to require an adjustment on both ends. And remember this too, ladies and gents. If your partner doesn't want to go do something, you go do it. You go do it. I I mean, I had to have our marriage when we did marriage counseling back in 2017. That's what the therapist told me. Like when she was like, Well, because Matt at Matt didn't like movies, going to see movies, I should say. But me, give me the cinema, it's my church. Okay, I just let me just sit there and quiet, right? There was a period of time where he didn't want to go do that, and I didn't want to go do he always run errands. I'm like, I don't want to go run errands, I do not want to go to Lowe's. I that's hell to me. Okay, some people like it, great. I am not a fan, anyways. But the therapist told us, and like this kind of it seems silly talking about it, but it is true. And sometimes you just need somebody to tell you this. It's like you are not the same person. If they don't want to go do something that you want to do, you go do it. And whether that's by yourself or you ask a friend to go do it with you. This is the one thing that I have learned in marriage, and I know I've said stuff about marriage before, and I hope you guys don't think like I'm some like bitter wife. I'm not. I am very I love my marriage, but this is because, and I told this to a client the other day. The thing about marriages, nobody tells you really what it all entails. However, and especially too when you don't come from seeing healthy marriages and you get into one, it's all you know is what you saw. So I think there's a lot of people out there, myself included, who saw very dysfunctional relationships. And then that's what you mimic, right? But what I was saying about marriage is that I don't think that you can get everything that you want from your partner. I think like majority of stuff Matt does fill my needs in. But then there's other stuff where it's okay, let's just say with other relationships, like a best friend. Like I go to that best friend to meet another type of need from me. I hope that makes sense. But that's where I go back to the thing of being in a relationship, and especially if you're sober, because there is an adjustment period and you have to figure out what you like to do. But if that person doesn't want to do that thing, then you go do it. Empower yourself to go do it and keep on trucking with that. Okay. So again, the the relationship, it's going to require a 50-50 thing. So, what you need to do, you need to say what you need, not what they're doing wrong. Okay. Again, focus very much of a I feel I need this, right? Replace and if they're drinking, they're drinking. Okay, that's where you have to ask. Like, if if you have a husband who drinks, hey, can you just not drink around me for some time? Or when we go out to eat, do you think that maybe you could just order a Coke for right now? Like, it's it's okay to ask for that. And I know for a lot of women it's very hard, but if you need it for the first couple weeks, ask for it, right? So you also want to replace drinking rituals with a new shared activity between you and your partner. So hold your boundaries without needing your partner to understand it perfectly because he or she is not going to, right? And setting boundaries without losing yourself, okay? Boundaries aren't punishment, they are a protection of yourself and your energy. So you can set loving, clear boundaries and still maintain a connection. All right. So here's some examples. Please don't offer me a drink, right? If drinking gets heavy, I'll head home early. I spell I still want to spend time with you. I just don't drink anymore. Alcohol-free boundaries, sobriety, they are a gift and they teach others how to support the version of who you are becoming and growing into. So just know that. Also, too, like a boundary could be, like I said, like, I'm gonna go home early. Even with the holidays, if you do not, if you are not a fan of your sister-in-law or somebody in your family on your husband or wife's side, I'll go with you, but I'm gonna leave early. I am driving myself, okay? That is bottom line, because you have to protect yourself at all costs. So even if just driving separately to friends' houses at this point or family's houses this holiday, then just do that. Like you can stay. I have no problem with you staying, but I'm gonna exit stage left when the clock strikes 9 o'clock p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Okay. So, what do you do when someone takes your sobriety personally? Right. And this happens a lot to people, whether it's a friend, a partner, family member, they get defensive. They say things like, So, again, are you gonna judge me? Are you better than me? Come on, you can just have one. You used to be fun. Are you ever gonna drink again? Right? It's not about you, it is about them. It is a them problem, not a you problem. And it's about their own kind of discomfort again with their drinking. If anybody has a healthy relationship with alcohol and own it, they're not going to then say this shit to you, right? Growth, your growth can trigger things that that people aren't ready to face yet. Again, you're a mirror sometimes for the people who are around you. So if then you're drinking, you're not drinking anymore, it's okay, somebody lost their drinking buddy, and then it's what are they gonna do now, especially at these family events, right? Oh, well, what am I gonna do now? You can't just have one with me, or you're not gonna entertain me like you used to anymore. So your identity and the and the role you played with them changes. So stay calm. Don't take it, don't take responsibility for their reactions. Just reinstate your boundary once, right? Exit the conversation if it became something of you're feeling shamed or dismissed. Building new alcohol-free support systems, okay? This is the biggest relationship upgrade you're gonna get after quitting alcohol is this. You start building the relationships you've always wanted. Again, you're gonna attract women or men who get it in time. You women who want peace and clarity and emotional sobriety growth. I cannot say this enough. And this is why community matters because you need like minded people around you to help you, whether that is uh in person support group, an online community, one. Friend who gets it right. You have to understand is that you don't have to do this alone, okay? And through these relationships that you've had, when they shift, you can be around, like I said, around people who understand it, and you don't have to go through that process alone. A lot of times too, if friendships drop or if something happens in your relationship, you will have to go through a grieving process with that. And sometimes too, especially in friendships, sometimes friendships are they'll take a couple of years. I had that. And those first couple of years of my sobriety, I stopped being a I stopped having a close friend because I stopped drinking and drinking was important to her. And our relationship, I don't, it wasn't like a harsh end. We would text from time to time, but it wasn't ever really the same like it used to be when I was drinking. And I spent a couple years grieving that. So don't feel like a silly goose. If you are grieving a friend who stopped talking to you because you quit drinking, allow that that process to happen for yourself. Allow that that healing. This is what I want you to remember today that quitting alcohol doesn't ruin your relationships. It really reveals them and it shows you where connection can grow, where boundaries are needed and where you deserve more. So you're not losing your life. You are gaining a healthy, more aligned one in the person that you are becoming. Truly, truly, truly. And some of these relationships, too, like I said, they're either going to get stronger or they're going to just kind of fizzle out. Sometimes you don't need like these big like breakup statements with relationships. Like it's just some of these relationships served its purpose. And there's a time and a season for people in your life. And that is okay. But definitely go through the healthy process of grieving the relationships that you need and focus on the ones who are very, very supportive of you. And if you're in that relationship or marriage with somebody, ask for what you need. Set the boundary and start doing something new that you haven't done with your partner. Create those new rituals and create those new activities that you guys can do together and start growing on that. And just remember that it's okay if there's some stuff now coming up for you that your partner did. And in time, you will navigate how to handle that. So again, come join the sobriety circle if you are looking for a community. We have workshops in there. I have private podcast episodes and sober daily check-ins. The link is in the show notes below. Make sure you check out to our sponsors to Soberlink and Exact Nature. Their links are in the show notes below. You guys get a discount as listeners of the Sober Vibes podcast. So check those out. And as always, good people of the world, thank you for listening. Keep on trucking and stay safe out there.