Wondering How to Drink Less Alcohol? The Hidden Truth Behind Excuses That Keep You Drinking

If you keep telling yourself you’re going to “cut back,” drink less, or stop pouring that next glass… yet somehow end up in the same cycle, this episode is for you.

In today’s conversation, I break down the real reason it’s so hard to change your drinking, the hidden excuses and internal stories that subtly keep you stuck. Whether you're trying to figure out how to stop drinking wine, struggling with alcohol and stress, or wondering why the desire to change isn’t matching your follow-through, this episode brings clarity and compassion to the process.

These excuses aren’t about weakness. They’re protective patterns your brain uses to avoid discomfort, and once you understand them, everything begins to shift.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The six most common excuses keeping women stuck in the drink-less cycle
•  Why rationalizing your drinking feels so convincing in the moment
•  How emotional bargaining (like “I deserve it”) sneaks in
•  Why waiting for life to “calm down” doesn’t work
• How these patterns block real progress and peace
• Why sobriety coaching helps you break the pattern and move forward
• What to do when you’re ready to make a change but feel terrified to start
• Tools for early mindset shifts and how to relax without alcohol

If you’re sober curious, frustrated with yourself, or tired of making promises you can’t seem to keep, this episode will help you understand why and what to do next.

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This episode is sponsored by ExactNature, a trusted holistic tool for anyone navigating recovery and sobriety. Use code SV25 at checkout to save on your order. Click here to shop and save. 

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Chapters

• 0:00 Naming The Hidden Excuses;
• 2:40 Why Amount Isn’t The Issue;
• 5:26 Waiting For Life To Calm Down;
• 9:50 “Everyone I Know Drinks”;
• 12:15 Sponsor: Exact Nature;
• 13:49 Sponsor: Soberlink Accountability;
• 16:37 The “I Deserve It” Trap;
• 22:50 “At Least I’m Not That Bad”;

Transcript

Courtney Andersen: 0:00

Have you ever told yourself I'll cut back next week? This isn't that bad. Everyone drinks like that. It's just stress, no worries. If you've been trying to drink less but keep falling into the same patterns, today's episode is going to feel like a mirror because we're talking about the hidden excuses and rationalizations that quietly keep you stuck in this cycle with alcohol. Welcome to Sober Vibes, your podcast for alcohol-free lifestyle tips and real talk about long-term sobriety. I'm your host, Courtney Anderson, sober coach, author, and mom. Each week I share strategies, stories, and encouragement to help you navigate cravings, build confidence, and thrive in sobriety. Whether you're sober curious or years in, this is your space to feel supported and inspired. Welcome back to the Silver Vives Podcast. I am your host, Courtney Anderson, and you are listening to episode 253. All right. I'm excited about today's episode because it is all about these excuses that we tend to tell ourselves, and especially too if you're sober curious and not on your sobriety journey yet. This episode is definitely for you. But these are the excuses I have heard a lot. And also a couple of them that I used myself because I will never forget about the person I was in that active relationship with alcohol and in my alcohol addiction. I will never forget that person because I allowed myself never to forget that person because it has helped me continue on in 13 years of sobriety. So again, if you're thinking about cutting back, maybe even quitting, but you are still bargaining with yourself and relying on the same stories to justify drinking, even though a deeper part of you knows you're ready for more. You're not stuck, you're not weak, right? But you're stuck because your brain has learned to protect your drinking with any excuses. Okay. So today I'm going to break down why those excuses feel true and how to finally see through them. And again, maybe this episode is just going to be for you of like, I needed this reminder, even if you are in your sobriety journey, that you needed this reminder of where you once were in your active relationship with alcohol. Okay. Always, always, always remember it, it helps. Okay. And before we get into this episode, if this episode does feel like it's calling out to you in the most loving way, because you know I'm not judgmental, and you know you're ready for real support, apply for my one-on-one coaching with me. Once you apply, I will review it personally. And then if it's a good fit, we'll hop on a clarity call to map out your next step. The link is in the show notes to apply below, or you can visit courtenerecovered.com. All right. These are excuses that are keeping you drinking. And I believe I wrote out five. Five main ones I have heard, and a few that I have used myself. Okay, definitely number one. I never used this one because I knew I did drink a lot. All right, one, I don't drink that much. This is one that's most common ways women minimize their drinking, right? But the amount isn't the issue, it's the it the impact is. The amount isn't the issue, the impact on how you feel the next day and that cycle that matters the most. And how you feel too after a couple days after it's that really that mental that mental load of how much too you think about alcohol. Okay. If alcohol is taking up that mental space, if you're googling how to drink less, if you're secretly worried but trying not to be, you're already drinking more than that feels aligned to you, then this is what I'm gonna say to you. Comparison is the enemy of clarity, right? It is very easy to sit there and be like, Well, I don't drink as much as this person. And I've said this a lot on this podcast. Or I'm not, and I don't want to sound disrespectful when I say like I'm living under the bridge. I'm just using that as an example because this is what we've been shown in media for so long. Or I haven't had a DUI yet, right? Like, that's where then people like to look at people's rock bottoms and then compare themselves to other people's rock bottoms. And you just can't do that because no matter what, at the end of the day, everybody has an emotional dependency. People with problematic drinking, problematic relationships with drinking, right? Or with alcohol. You have it's this emotional dependency where you're like, where in the F did that come from, man? Like, and you don't really see about that dependency until you quit, and then you see the cycle that you were in and how much you relied on alcohol to get you through A, B, C, and D. Okay. So you really have to just stay in your lane and remember to how alcohol makes you feel. Another excuse that I hear is I'll quit when life calms down. This one I've used myself. So it sounds very reasonable until you realize that really life never calms down. You just enter in different seasons of your lives, right? This excuse in particular really truly does delay growth because alcohol keeps you very, very small and it keeps you trapped in reactive living. And this waiting for this pro waiting for this perfect moment that never comes. And it's never gonna come. It is not. We're about to go on. It's as I record this, it is December 2025. Like we are now getting into holiday season, and I know majority of people, if you have not quit drinking yet, you're thinking, I will do this January 1st. I will do dry January. I want you to to reflect back. Did you say you were gonna do dry January last year or this year in 2025, and then where you are at at this end of the year? It's I'm not I'm not shaming, I'm not judging. I just want you to reflect back. A lot of coaching I do, it's about reflection. And I want you to reflect back and reflect back on your drinking. And if it has gotten better this year, amazing. Whether that is you have decreased it a lot, right? Amazing, because that is progress and that is work. But now I want you to be like, okay, if I have decreased it to now it's a couple times a month after drinking, do you still go into a shame spiral? Do you feel like the next day where you're like, I shouldn't be doing this, right? That's what you I want you to reflect on. Because you really don't get free until you get off of this ride for good from that like emotional type of hangover. So again, waiting for the perfect moment, it is never going to come. The perfect moment really is today. So just remember that sobriety creates calm and you don't wait for calm to get sober. There is something I heard many, many, many moments ago, and it is no matter where you go, there you are. That one always stuck with me. And you're not, if you're waiting for yourself to like feel better in your skin, you're not going to do that until you quit drinking alcohol. If alcohol is the problem here. And most likely, if you press play on the Sobervives podcast, there is a reason you're listening to this, okay? So I will never forget the therapist I had before I got sober. This was like a like two years prior to me getting sober. I had seen this therapist, God bless her, because she was one of those therapists who was actually like really listening to what I was saying. And after a couple months of going to her, then she was like, Do you ever think about giving up drinking? Right? Like, that seems to be what the problem is here. And then I never, and then I fired her, okay, because she was on to my tricks. But that is a thing. And then it was like, as soon as then stepping into my sobriety and quitting drinking alcohol, even though I had to relearn how to live and deal with some stuff, it was a lot more manageable. And then that sobriety came like the calm for me. Because if I didn't quit drinking, I would have still been on that up and down, up and down, up and down, right? Like, so truly, sobriety does bring you the calm that you're searching for in time. Not that first month. You will hear me say 30. It's not a good time when you quit drinking alcohol, but it does get better and better and then eventually becomes a good time, but you have to go through the process of it. All right. This is another excuse I used. Everybody I know drinks. Okay. So this particular excuse keeps you tied to people, places, things that normalize the very thing you're trying to change, right? The people who don't drink aren't loud about it. They exist, right? You just don't see them yet. Or I'm sorry, the people who don't drink. Like you will, once you quit drinking within time too, you will start attracting those people, whether it's alcohol's not that big of a deal for them, or they don't drink at all. Or maybe they drink like once to twice a year, but that's not, it's not an issue for them, right? Again, you don't need to match your environment. You get to change it. So you have to start changing within yourself. That's why I am I suggest to you too with your friends and stuff, you start asking them to do things differently. You start asking them, like, hey, do you want to go to coffee? instead of it was like always drinks. Like you start changing yourself in the situations that currently you are in by empowering yourself to ask first, right? The holidays can be wonderful, but they can also bring added stress, cravings, and emotional challenges, especially when you're getting or staying sober. That's where our sponsor, Exact Nature, comes in. 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Visit www.soberlink.com forward slash sober dash vibes to sign up and claim your$100 enrollment bonus. You can also check the link in the show notes below. This is another one I use. So maybe I did use more than just two of these, but this is a common one because, and I'll explain why. I deserve it. This is where the emotional bargaining comes into play. It's what you say when life feels heavy and you don't know how to soothe yourself without alcohol. But alcohol becomes it's a reward system. Alcohol, you end up getting into this reward system with booze. I was in this with alcohol and cigarettes because I treated very much cigarettes. Like I would clean and be like, all right, I can go have a cigarette and then sit there and like smoke three in a row. But this is what alcohol does. It's like, especially too if you are at the point of your journey where you're now like a little weekend warrior, and it's like you wait all week to get to the weekend to drink. You know how sad that is, though, just to be waiting all week to get to one particular drink today to allow yourself that drink, because this is how it's been conditioned, and also too, of just like that's your primary focus. Because no matter what type of quote unquote drinker you are, and I just went through this with a one-on-one client a couple weeks ago, we talked about our relationship overall. Okay. If you look at when drinking started, for my drinking, there was many, many periods of time where it was like there was a period of time where it was every day, right? There was a period of time where it was every day and some cocaine there for three years. I at least really love cocaine. And only when I was drinking, that doesn't make an excuse because I was still snorting cocaine, but I really like cocaine there for three years. And then there was a period of time where it was on the weekends, right? And then it was a period of time where it was like, okay, I mean, for most of my drinking career, though, I was pretty much a binge drinker, but you get what I'm saying. And then it towards the end, it went into the moderation game. So it's like, no matter what type of relationship I was in with it, or or how I identified as a drinker during those years, it was still always problematic. It didn't matter, going to what I was saying earlier, it doesn't matter the amount of it, no matter what, it was still a struggle for me of like, I know this is not working. And that mental struggle, whether it was a you can consider yourself a gray area drinker in the moderation, right? Whether you're a full-blown quote unquote alcoholic, right? Like it's just it is problematic however your drinking looks. I hope that makes sense. So going back to the reward system, it doesn't reward you. That is just the the habit you got into it and how it's become in your life. But there's no reward for drinking alcohol. That only gives you about an hour of relief, right? And it also too removes your ability to cope, right? Because that's how you've been coping for so long. Know this is that you actually deserve comfort and not chaos. And that alcohol, that reward system you've gotten into it, it becomes very chaotic. I had somebody just ask me over the weekend, like, I have hobbies, I still find myself very bored in sobriety. And this was on the Graham. And I said, Well, how much time have you had, sir? And this man, I said, 45 days. I said, Well, sir, you need to give yourself some more time. Your nervous system still has some shit to work out. It still needs to get, it needs to get back to even, right? Like you were still very much in that post-acute withdrawal syndrome pause point. And like you have to trust the process of that. So, like, yeah, your habits or I'm sorry, your hobbies, they're not gonna seem all that fun. When I was Modge Podging picture frames, I was not having the time of my life. I was doing that in those first 90 days to keep my mind busy, my hands busy. But again, within time, and it does take more than 45 days, it can take some more than six months, it can take some more than a year to get into what is fun for them and their new group. Okay. And the last excuse that I have heard, and again, this kind of goes back to, I think, with number one that I was saying, at least I'm not that bad, right? Okay. And this is avoiding seeing your own truth. Again, you comparing, you comparing yourself to somebody else's, that is a way for your ego to protect you. But your drinking doesn't need to be bad enough to be hurting your peace of mind, mind, body, of soul, right? And to your self-trust, like having that emotional hangover of like, what am I doing here? Why do I constantly think about alcohol? Why do I have to always pack a bottle of wine with me to go on to these trips to make sure that I have alcohol in the hotel room? Because if I don't have it in there, the thought of not having it in there makes me have anxiety. The thought of alcohol not have, or the thought of not having alcohol at home after I get home from like a date night with my husband, that gives me anxiety. I better stop before to grab alcohol so I have it when I get home. I mean, just saying that, because me saying that, I it's I'm thinking of a time that I used to always have to have booze in the house and like would get so pissed if I didn't make it before 2 a.m. to get alcohol, or I always had to bring alcohol home from the bar. Or if I was at a bar, like, hey, do you sell alcohol to go? Because a lot of bars will do that where they'll they can serve you, they can sell you alcohol to take with them. I'm not talking about open, I'm not talking about liquor bottles, but like they can sell you beer to go or wine to go, right? And so it was always that preparing. Do you know how much time is spent thinking about that? So when you get out of the cycle, you're like, holy shit, how much time did I think about preparing to have a drink? It's wild. So again, if alcohol is costing you peace, it is costing you too much. Oh, I got another one. I thought I only had five here, but I have six, okay. I could quit anytime. So if that were true, that excuse, if that excuse were true, you wouldn't be listening to this episode. That's what I said. I'm not laughing, I laugh because it's true. You're you're not pressing on the sober vibes, you're not pressing play on Sober Vibes podcast. If there isn't a problematic relationship that you have, or if you're in your sobriety, or if you're listening because you have a friend or family member who who has an issue. And if you are listening, just for the hell of it, please slide into my DMs on Sober Vibes on Instagram and let me know because I would love to hear your thoughts on the show. So this excuse protects your pride, right? And from and from even two of being vulnerable. So I have to say, being vulnerable is truly where real change begins. You have to be vulnerable in the state to be like, yeah, I have an issue. Whether you're admitting that to yourself or admitting that to somebody, you're admitting it, and it is it's there. You said it. And that is being vulnerable, right? And especially I know for a lot of women it's hard because so many of us were conditioned to not ask for help. In my book, I even asked that journal, that question as a journal prompt. I'm like, is it hard for you to ask for help? And majority of us it was because we were pretty much raised to not bother anybody, not ask for anything, right? Like just keep, just keep trucking, like just keep moving forward and handle your scandal. Like there for a lot of us, there was not help because we were conditioned not to ask for it, truthfully. So honesty always create creates momentum, denial creates stagnation. Okay. So excuses aren't moral failures, they're psychology strategies, they protect you from discomfort, but they also protect the habit that keeps hurting you. Remember that. They also protect the habit that keeps hurting you. So anytime you find yourself making these excuses, it's just time to be like, and I'm gonna say this actually. If there wasn't a problematic relationship with alcohol, you would not be saying these excuses to yourself. Period. Period. So if you are tired of hearing your own excuses, tired of promising yourself you'll drink less than breaking that promise, tired of feeling stuck and confused, you don't need more willpower. You need a new story for yourself and the tools to live it. You are capable of so much more than controlling alcohol. Honestly, when you step outside, I guarantee, I promise you this, and I promise you for whenever you start your sober journey. But when you start, when you just let go and you're like, okay, I'm just gonna give this up, you aren't controlling, it's just freedom. It really truly is a lot more freedom that you walk into and step into, like I said, where then you look back and it will take you some time, but you'll look back and be like, man, that controlled so much more of my life than I ever thought. But it will only, it only takes you until you get out on the other side of it to see your actions. And you'll see some of your actions where you're like, oof, I didn't like that. Because a lot of people, especially too with the language, like people don't like to say that they're powerless over alcohol. And how I how I take that in, it's really like I I am, I am powerless over alcohol when it's in my system. That's why like me getting off and stop drinking, I have the power now because I'm choosing not to let that into my life. So it just is one of those things because for so many of us, it's like that first sip often leads to two, three, four glasses of wine, insert however much you were drinking. Okay. But I just want to let you know that freedom is on the other side of this awful, awful, awful cycle you are in with alcohol. So if you're ready for support, apply for my one-on-one coaching. You can use the link in the show notes below. Again, once you apply, I'll review it personally. And if it feels like a good bit, I'll hop on a clarity call with you. And together we will talk out our goals. And next step today or now is the perfect time to apply for getting started either in 2025 or to get started in 2026, because I only take on so many one-on-one clients each month. So if you are thinking about one-on-one coaching, I highly recommend to apply now and we can talk and then see what, even if we start in 2026, we start in 2026. Okay. You don't have to keep navigating this on your own. And I think that's the most important thing that you have to realize is like once you get help and support, it makes all the difference in the world. Even too, in my sobriety circle, we talked about it over our meeting on Saturday, and majority of the women all said like they had to do things differently. And getting support was the one thing that has helped them the most, especially in that community, because connecting with like-minded women, it makes all the difference in the world. So, good people of the world, I hope this episode helps you today. If you haven't yet, please rate, review, and subscribe to the show. If you are watching on YouTube, make sure you hit that subscribe button and hit that like button for me. Thank you so much. And as always, keep on trucking.