Why Alcohol Feels Like Your Best Friend: Understanding Emotional Drinking and Quitting Drinking

Have you ever felt like alcohol was always there for you? After a stressful day, during celebrations, through heartbreak, or whenever you needed to unwind?

If so, you're not alone.

In this episode of the Sober Vibes Podcast, I explore why alcohol can feel like a trusted friend, why letting go can feel like a loss, and how emotional drinking keeps us believing alcohol is meeting our needs when it's actually keeping us stuck.

In This Episode, You'll Learn

•  why alcohol can feel like your best friend during difficult seasons 
•  how emotional drinking becomes your go-to coping strategy 
•  what you're really grieving when you decide to quit drinking 
•  why alcohol creates the illusion of comfort, confidence, and connection 
•  practical ways to meet your emotional needs without alcohol 
•  how sobriety helps you build real peace, confidence, and self-trust 

Quitting drinking isn't just about giving up alcohol; it's about discovering healthier ways to find comfort, connection, and relief. When you begin meeting those needs without alcohol, you'll realize you were never losing your best friend; you were finding yourself.

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The After (Emotional Sobriety Program) 
The next chapter after quitting drinking. Once you've built your sober foundation, it's time to do the deeper work—healing emotional patterns, rebuilding your identity, strengthening self-trust, regulating your nervous system, and creating a life where you no longer need alcohol to cope.

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Transcript

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Welcome Back And Summer Reset

Courtney Andersen 0:10

Hey, welcome back to the Silver Vives Podcast. I am your host and sober coach, Courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode two something. We're up there, guys. We are up there. And this is actually a new one. So thank you for being patient with me. I released this summer some old episodes. So if you listen to them twice, great. If that's what you needed to hear at that time, fabulous. I'm happy for that. And I will say, summertime is definitely just a little bit different when the dictator's out of school. I've I you kind of forget when you have some days free. Like, okay, I have to get back into the mix of this, but it's been a great summer. I hope you guys had a wonderful summer and just laid directly in that sunshine that we love and just really be like a solar panel for when the winter months come and we are in the pits of hell. So I hope you sun gazed as much as possible. And also,

Platform Switch And Listener Survey

Courtney Andersen 1:12

exciting news! I am switching podcast platforms. Okay. I will get into this episode shortly, but I want to hear from you as I'm making that switch because I always want to leave this show for you for a better experience. So if you can, please, the link is in the show notes. Fill out the survey. I will survey you guys every like a couple times a year, but or maybe twice a year, I should say. But right now I want to survey you and it's just a couple questions to answer. It's not a lot. So if you can please take the time and you still want to continue to listen to this podcast, fill out that questionnaire for me. Okay. All right. And as always, I hope wherever you're at in the world, you are kicking ass and taking names today and having a great sober summer. So let's get into today's episode, right? All

When Alcohol Feels Like A Friend

Courtney Andersen 2:08

right. Have you ever felt like alcohol is your best friend? I know for me it was. And for me, it was my everything. It was my mi amor. Maybe for some of you, maybe not in those exact same words, right? But you do feel like when it comes down to it, you might be feeling like maybe not like a best friend, but it's a big part of your life. And a lot of people don't understand that. So when therefore you quit, you're like, this should be easier than it is. However, you've been in an active relationship with alcohol for a very long time, right? Okay. So again, however you look at it, but it is a relationship. And it for a lot of people becomes this toxic relationship, but you're looking at it as like your bestie. So, right, when you celebrate, when you celebrate, who do you celebrate it with? You celebrate it with alcohol, right? Who do you turn to after a stressful day? Alcohol. Who was there for you when you felt lonely? Alcohol. Uh, did you break up? Were you heartbroken? Who did you turn to? Alcohol. Okay. Anxiety, anxious, depression. Who are you turning to? Alcohol. If you're bored, who are you turning to? Alcohol, right? It showed up for birthdays, vacations, Friday nights, the breakups, promotions, holidays, and even just on a chill Tuesday afternoon, summer afternoon, right? For a long time, it probably felt like too that alcohol was the one thing you could count on. And all of us, this is where that emotional attachment to alcohol comes in play. Because a lot of people think just because you're not sitting there with DTs each day and physical detox, that it is not all bad. But everybody has this emotional attachment invested in alcohol where you it helps you with X, Y, and Z. So that's exactly too why quitting drinking can feel so emotional. And like that's then where the grieving process comes in because you're not just putting down a drink, you're letting go of something that has been filling a role in your life for years, if not decades. So today I want to help you understand why it feels that way and what that feeling and why that feeling doesn't mean alcohol was actually your friend. Okay. Let's get into it.

Ways To Work With Me

Courtney Andersen 4:44

As always, if you need help more on your sober journey and are looking for sober coaching, I have three ways you can work with me. I have my stop starting over. That's a self-guided program, go at your own pace. My sobriety circle, that is group, and there's weekly meetings in there. I just had somebody celebrate one year sober that she's been in the sobriety circle since the very beginning. I'm not going to say her name because I believe in privacy for everybody. But if you are listening, congrats on your one year sober anniversary. That is amazing. And then, as always, for people who want more one-on-one accountability, I have my one-on-one coaching. And that is for high-touch accountability and weekly support. All of those links are in the show notes below, or you can visit CourtneyRecover.com for more information and resources.

The Turning Point When Drinking Changes

Courtney Andersen 5:37

Okay, so alcohol was your bestie and was your coping strategy, and that is where you really leaned into alcohol. It became your comfort after very, very hard days, and there's no shame in this. It became your reward after good days and bad days, your confidence in social settings and helping you with social anxiety, right? Your escape from stress, your permission to relax. And I want to ask you this because it's a good one to think about. When did alcohol become the answer to most to almost everything? Everybody has a key moment where you can look at over the years of your life. I never really asked you to start at the beginning because I do believe a lot of us get into this in the beginning. It's very innocent, right? But there's a certain period, because not everybody who drinks has a drinking problem. And not and nobody gets into this to be like, oh, I can't wait for a drinking problem. Like it just does not happen. It doesn't happen this way. And so that is where it's important to ask yourself of recently, like, when did my drinking turn? Right. Because usually there is a point where it's like you have a moment you're like, okay, it wasn't like this before, but this was the moment. And let's just say for many people, let's go back to COVID. That fucked a lot of people up. And so it gave a lot of people the permission because of what we all, the world endured during that time, the permission to allow this because of our day-to-day environments and the stress and being at home and being able to wake up in the morning time and start drinking at nine. Nobody else was in the house. Like, nobody, that's what all my friends were doing and the weight of the world. Okay. So for a lot of people as of late, as of these past six years, that will always go back to that particular time. Or maybe you had a parent die, or you went through a divorce, or you started perimenopause, or you became a parent and you didn't know what that was gonna look like, or you got let go of your job. Something, something changed the tune in your active relationship with alcohol, and it has progressively gotten worse for you, of where it was like, yeah, this has been a problem, and now I've been trying to work on it. I've been trying to work on it. So think about that. So the original question was when did alcohol become the answer to almost everything? And then look at it too of when has my drinking picked up, increased, when did it get darker? So just remember, alcohol wasn't your friend, it was your most practice coping strategy. That's what it became. And it starts off very innocently, and then it becomes a habit, a ritual, then becomes a habit, and then it eventually grows into something a little bit darker. No shame. We're a judgment-free zone here. Just walking you through and talking through this, okay?

Grief Borrowed Confidence And Hangxiety

Courtney Andersen 8:55

So you're grieving what you thought alcohol gave you, and this is what this comes down to. So you might believe alcohol gave you the relaxation, the confidence, connection. That the connection one is huge and fun. Those two are very huge. The relief, right? Belonging, courage, your self-esteem, when in all reality you have no self-esteem because of the cycle you're currently in. And did it actually give you those things, or did it simply right numb what you were feeling for a little while? So it's really just when we think that alcohol is giving us that confidence or that self-esteem boost or being able to go out and like talk to social settings, it's really just borrowed confidence because the next day you're going, that's all going to be ruined because the next day you're going then to be sitting there and down in the dumps because now you have increased anxiety. You have the shame to be like, why did I do that last night? I told myself I was only gonna have two drinks, and then I had five drinks and embarrassed myself at my work party. Okay, or I was on a date and drank too much and slept with this guy, and now I want him to get the fuck out of my bed and my house, right? Seriously, because now and and this happens, this is real life, or I broke that promise to my daughter. I the look of disappointment because I I decided to drink again. So that borrowed confidence lasts for a quick minute. The temporary relief of like, oh, I can finally relax. This elephant's on off of my chest until you're waking up at 3 a.m. in the morning with increased anxiety and being like, why that it it's not working. That didn't help me. It just made things better, right? But fake connections. I understand that that there is a there is a thing where you do think that alcohol is bringing you together in a group, but it really is it's a false sense of reality because you're not really at your core self connecting with people when every when people are intoxicated. So it is giving a little bit of fake connections. Obviously, if there's friendships you have that are legit based off of other shared interests, I'm not talking about that, but like the the going out, like the socialness of what we think alcohol does, it actually doesn't. It's very surface level. Again, next day anxiety, the hang anxiety, the shame, the regret. So you're grieving the story you believed, not the reality that you lived in. Okay. And that is very, when it comes to grief and having to grieve things, that is very true. Where you will often more romanticize the good than you will the bad when the bad showed up more. So, like for me, the bad showed up about 90% of the time that I drank, and 10% of the time, I did have a ball. I had a really good time, and that's why I will never, never, never, never not pretend I did not drink alcohol and that my life, that part of my life didn't exist. Or even as I have shared with you guys about the last work Christmas party, I was at Hammered and asked one of my bosses if he enjoyed blowies before I browned out. That was a good bur that was a good Christmas party. And I can still giggle about that to this day, but like I had a good time that night. Did I enjoy the fallout the next day? Absolutely not, but I had a hell of a time at that Christmas party, even embarrassing myself. But I will never not pretend like that didn't happen, right? So, but that's where you have to really, really, really look at this and look at yourself, your look at that relationship with alcohol and be like, you know what, there this is the truth. People do that though with human beings. And again, I know I've been telling you for a long time that I am going to do an episode about sobriety and grief, and I will do that because I'm like feel more in a secure place to talk about it since my dad's passed. And I've had to keep my ass in check and not try to romanticize the parts of my of my dad that were good because there was only a little bit of that compared to the bad parts. Okay. So just keep that in mind. Do not try to romanticize alcohol. And I know you're gonna walk by a bar or a restaurant and see somebody out on that patio and be like, that's nice, and that's okay, because that's a valid feeling, the association, but that's where you have to shake it off and be like, that was not the reality for me. The reality of me was the next day and how I felt, right?

Replacing Alcohol With Real Comfort

Courtney Andersen 13:53

So you have to now start building new sources of comfort, right? I want you to ask yourself, what was I looking for every time I poured a drink? And so some some things would be if it was relax relaxation, now it's time to replace that alcohol, right? And that best friend with a new form of relaxation, if that's what you were looking for. So taking a bath, stretching, breathing, reading, I will put my list of books that I have read so far in the year 2026. I've been on a roll. There's some smut in there, ladies and gents. If you want to take a little preview, there's also thrillers in there. It's such a great escape and it's such a way to relax your mind, body, and soul. If you were looking for connection and your best friend alcohol was giving that to you, now what you're gonna do is you're gonna call a friend if you want to join the sobriety circle. We are a good time in there. Spend time with people who know the real you and who appreciate the real you, and you can do that, which is going to get a cup of coffee with them, right? If you were looking for the reward, like it's Friday, I deserve this. Go buy yourself some flowers, go buy yourself a delicious iced coffee from Dunkin' Donuts, the best iced coffee in the world. Watch a favorite show, get yourself a cupcake, right? Take yourself out, go take yourself to the movies. I just saw the Odyssey, and that was really good. It's long though, just be prepared. But it was really good. So take yourself out. Go buy yourself a pair of new pajamas from Target. It does, it does not need to be much, but that's why you do with the with the reward. You do have to supply yourself with a little bit of something. So then that way you don't you're not feeling like deprived, because it is easy in this path to feel very, very deprived. And you just gotta work with this, okay? If you were looking for an escape, let's start maybe journaling, walking outside, right? Listening to music, meditating, even possibly doing a puzzle or some coloring. Get yourself an adult coloring book and some markers and just that quiets the mind. Baking is good for this. If you want to craft, doing something where you get lost in it, right? So that's where that escape. That's what you used to do with alcohol. We're gonna do it with these instead. The music one is really good. Comfort. If you're looking for comfort, get yourself a weighted blanket. I'm not kidding, and like wrap yourself up with that. Make yourself a cup of tea, a hot water, maybe a decaf. I don't know what hour of the day if you can handle coffee at nighttime. I feel like when you're looking for comfort, usually that's at nighttime. But if you can handle the caffeine after the age of 40, I can't anymore. And it's a damn shame. I have to drink my coffee before like one. I can't have any caffeine after one anymore because I will be up. Light a candle and go lay in your bed. Or curl up to the couch. Whatever you can do, if you're looking for that comfort, do this instead, right? It's these are helpful. And and when you start replacing, it's not gonna satisfy you that first time that you you do that, but it will become more satisfying. And when you start getting in these healthier ways of coping mechanism, besides reaching for alcohol, you'll start to crave it more. Okay. So you you do not need the alcohol, you just need healthier ways to truly, truly, truly meet your own needs of what feels good to you. That is why I gave you a couple examples, right, for each category, because everybody is different of what they need, especially to at that time of the month for your situation. What uh what a mother needs compared to what a uh lady without a child is gonna be two separate things. I guarantee you the with the mom, they're probably not gonna be want to talk to at all for 20 minutes. Like, don't talk to me, don't touch. And then somebody might be wanting that that craving. So everybody is different, and keep that in mind because a lot of people try to just copy whatever everybody else is doing, but where it comes with me and my coaching, and I have I hope you have learned from me and from my book, you have to figure out what works best for you in this journey. Okay.

You Are Not The Problem

Courtney Andersen 18:36

So as always, alcohol did not become important. Alcohol didn't be become important because you you love alcohol. You are not the problem. Alcohol became important because you believed it was helping you, as we all we as we all think that it it did. And you don't drink the Kool-Aid until you're out of this, where you see it. A lot of people now it's like it's the way that it's spoken about. I'm like, yeah, but you don't see that until you're out of it, man. Like you're not gonna see that when you're in an active relationship with alcohol, only until you're out, and then you're like, oh wow, I drank the Kool-Aid. And it's okay because millions of us fall for it. And it goes beyond there's marketing, it's how the system was designed, it has kept us sick for a very long time, it has kept families sick for a very long time, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. So I want you to go out there. I want you to apply this episode to you today and get the opportunity to discover something even better for yourself and your own nervous system of what's going to help you in the rock long run. All right, good people of the world. As always, thank you for listening. Make sure you fill out that form if you're listening to this in real time, okay? And also, two of my my coaching and resources are linked in the show notes below. All right, good people of the world. As always, keep on trucking.