106. When Your SLP Work Drains You Instead of Fills You

Ever feel like you’re doing everything right as an SLP, but something in your gut is screaming this isn’t it?

Today's episode wraps up a 5-part Burnout Series with a topic that hits close to home: what to do when your job and your values are at war.

If you’re staying in a position out of obligation, guilt, or fear of rocking the boat—even when every fiber of your being is saying “nope”—this one’s for you.

I'm covering:

• What “misalignment” actually looks and feels like
• The sneaky ways it drains you (and how you might not even notice)
• Why you’re not dramatic, ungrateful, or irresponsible for wanting something different
• How to spot the small ways you’re betraying your own values and needs every single day
• 3 simple, real first steps to get unstuck—without burning it all down

This isn’t about quitting tomorrow (unless you want to). It’s about seeing the truth, so you can decide what you want next on purpose.

Because here’s the thing: you can’t do your best work—or be your best self at home—when your job demands you leave your values at the door.

You don’t have to stay stuck.

📌 Mentioned in This Episode:

If you haven’t yet, go back and listen to Episode 104: The Missing Piece in Work-Life Balance: Values and Needs.

That episode lays the foundation for today’s conversation. It helps you actually identify your values and needs—so you can see exactly where you’re misaligned (and why it matters so much).

Episode 104 also includes a free values + needs resource you can grab to take this work even deeper.

Trust me: you’ll get so much more out of today’s episode if you listen to 104 first (or right after).

👏🏼 Ready for support?

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

If you’re realizing your job doesn’t align with your values—and you’re not sure what to do about it—I’d love to help.

I offer 1:1 productivity and burnout coaching for SLPs (and other caring professionals) who want work that actually works for them.

✅ Get clear on what really matters
✅ Spot the misalignments you’ve normalized for years
✅ Build a plan that puts you first—without guilt

👉 Book a free consult (no pressure, no hard sell): https://cutt.ly/ywVWsPy5

To find out how I can help you improve your work-life balance, click here.

Come join the SLP Support Group on Facebook for more tips and tricks!

Follow me on Instagram! @theresamharp

Learn more about Theresa Harp Coaching here.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome to Work-Life Balance for Speech Pathologists. I'm Theresa Harp, an SLP and Productivity Coach, and this podcast is all about how to build a successful career as an SLP and still have time for yourself and the people and things you love. So if you're ready to ditch stress and burnout for a more balanced and fulfilling life, then you are in the right place, let's dive in.

Hey, SLPs, welcome to episode 1 0 6. This is the final episode of the five Part Burnout Series, which I've been covering over the past several weeks, and this one is a juicy one, so I am going to be talking about what to do when you job and your values are not in alignment. And I will preface this by saying, if you have not listened to episode [00:01:00] 1 0 4, so just two episodes back, which is.

All about. It's called the missing piece and work-life Balance. Values and needs. It's all about values and needs and what, what they are, what that means, why that matters, how it relates to our field. As SLPs, you are going to want to listen to that episode. Honestly, you're really gonna wanna listen to this whole burnout series, which starts with episode 1 0 2, but this today's episode is.

Really, it goes hand in hand with episode 1 0 4. So at the very least, make sure that you bookmark or save that episode 1 0 4. If you haven't listened to it, I give you a free resource in there all about values and needs, and it's really gonna help you level up the information that I'm talking about in today's episode.

Okay? So I want you. [00:02:00] To think for a moment if you have ever found yourself in some sort of situation, like when you are, let's say you work as a, in a school. You're a school SLP, and you're in an IEP meeting, and someone from the child study team or one of the admin or supervisor says something about. The student or the services, the IEP, the accommodations, the goals.

They say something. And you hear it and you think, are we seriously okay with this? Is this are, are you serious right now? Did you just say this? Are we okay with this? Or when your admin comes to you and asks you to squeeze in yet another client onto your already packed caseload and. You express some concern and they just brush it off and give you the whole, oh, it's okay.

We'll circle back or it's just for now. [00:03:00] Thank you. Right. As if you know this is gonna be something temporary and not this pattern that you have been circling the drain end for the past year, right? Or maybe it is the end of the weekend, it's Sunday afternoon and your stomach is in knots. Thinking about Monday and what lies ahead, and you're wondering, is this really what I signed up for is this, what am I doing?

Is this what I got into this field for what is happening? Right? And if you're in a position like this, if you're in work that feels wrong in your bones. This is not you being dramatic, you being over the top. It's simply information or for my fellow EBP nerds, right? Research-based, evidence-based practice.

[00:04:00] Think of it as. Data, anecdotal data, and today in this episode, we're going to break that information down. We're going to decode that data because you did not get into this field to burn out, hating yourself and hating the job. And what you do day in, day out, you spent way too much time, energy, money, blood, sweat, and tears to get to where you are today, and you don't have to stay in this pattern.

This is not drama. This is not extreme. This is data, and this is what I call misalignment. Okay, so what I'm gonna talk about today is what misalignment means, what it actually feels like, and why [00:05:00] you stay stuck in these positions or in this position, and what the cost is. What is it actually costing you, and then of course, what you can do about it.

Okay? So what I'm going to refer to today as misalignment is essentially information that tells you that your job or your jobs, 'cause I know lots of you who are listening have several positions that you hold or have held over the years in your role as an SLP or PT or ot, right? So. What I'm talking about when I, when I use that term misalignment, is essentially when your job or your jobs are at odds with your values.

And again, if you don't know what your values are, go listen to episode 1 0 4. I'll link to it in the show notes so that you can access it really easily. Okay. So [00:06:00] here are some of the signs that your position is at odds with your values. So think about these and which ones resonate with you. One sign that your current position is not aligned with your values is that you say, yes.

When you want to say no, and I'm talking about not just like, oh, I wanna say no, but this is what I signed up for, so I have to, I mean, this is just part of the job that's not, I mean, yes, that could be part of it, right? But what I'm talking about really is like when you are saying yes to things that internally you are saying, hell no.

Like this is no, this is a no for me, and yet I'm saying yes, what is going on? Right. Another example or another sign that your position is not aligned with your values is when you find yourself apologizing [00:07:00] for being difficult or for being, you know, not being a team, a team player. Air quotes here, right?

Or when you are basically. Telling everyone around you, especially the higher ups. I'm sorry. I know, I'm sorry. And I don't mean to be difficult. I don't mean to be demanding. I don't mean to be picky when actually what you're asking for or what you're communicating is truly just advocating for yourself or sometimes.

It's your clients, you're advocating for the clients that you're serving. This can also look like you noticing and feeling your shoulders tense up every time you see an email in your inbox or a message on your phone from somebody from work. You just have that. Physical reaction where your shoulders are all of a sudden up at your ears, your [00:08:00] neck is tense.

You haven't even read it yet. You haven't even opened up the message. You don't even know what the communication is telling you. It's just you see it come through and you're immediately tense. Or you are feeling completely wiped and drained by work that used to feel meaningful, work that used to really energize you and fuel you now leaves you feeling completely depleted.

And this could be your sessions themselves, but this could also be the work, the time that you spend at work. So the other tasks that you're doing, just being in the building or in work and around the people that you work with, and you are feeling just totally wrecked, exhausted, drained. This could also look like you questioning your competence as an SLP.

When actually it's the, the system or the [00:09:00] workplace that's broken, yet here you are questioning what's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Why did I drop this ball? What, what should I have done differently? What should I be doing differently? What's wrong with me? Right. Or it could also look like you shrinking or masking yourself or my fellow a DH DERs, where you're masking just to get through the day.

I've just gotta get through the day. I'm gonna put on a face, put on a happy face. I'm just going to smile and I'm going to, you know, blend in or hide or fly under the radar as best I can. Because I don't wanna draw any attention to myself, and I don't want anyone to think that I am not a team player. So how many of you can relate to any of those things that we're talking about, those oftentimes, not always, but oftentimes those are signs that your job is not aligned with your values.

This is not just in your head. [00:10:00] Right. When your core values and your core needs are being violated, when they're not being honored, when they're not being, when you're not following them and incorporating them and listening to them, your nervous system, your physical reaction, your nervous system is treating it like it is danger, like something has gone wrong.

Like your brain is saying, I have to go into protection mode. Right. It's this sort of chronic fight or flight response or hyper vigilance, and it's not just emotional. It certainly is emotional, but it's not just emotional, it's also physical. It shows up in your body, right? I hear this all the time. I hear this with my coaching clients or from my coaching clients all the time.

I'm talking about. Absolutely amazing SLPs, who are incredibly good at what they do, they're driven by, uh, a desire [00:11:00] to serve and to support others. And they're asking themselves and they're asking me in coaching sessions, what is wrong with me? Am I the problem? What am I doing wrong? When really all it is is that they value autonomy, they value independence and freedom, but they're getting micromanaged into silence, into submission, and I will offer to that.

This is not necessarily. Happening always because where you are working or the people that you are working for are out to get you. That doesn't even necessarily have to be the case. Certainly that could be the case, but I think more often than not, it's not necessarily that they are out to harm. You take advantage of you, you know, work you to the bones, but it is.

Sort of a symptom of this [00:12:00] system. It's a symptom of the field. It's a symptom of our culture and our society. And oftentimes your body will know this before your brain either recognizes it or wants to admit it. So it could show up as this tightness in your chest or this sort of. Feeling in the pit of your stomach.

This dread, right, this anxiety, it's not weakness. It's not that something is wrong with you. It's information. It's a red flag, and I am not here to shame you for staying. I'm not here to shame you for. Continuing to show up at a job that isn't aligned with your values. That's not what this episode is about.

'cause I know you did not choose this field lightly. I know you aren't [00:13:00] choosing to stay in this position lightly. Most of us. Don't stay in jobs that are misaligned with our values because we're irresponsible or because we're flaky, we stay actually because we're responsible to a fault, right? We're loyal.

We've invested so much time and so much energy that we don't wanna feel like it's wasted and we feel like leaving would be a waste. We feel like leaving would be risky. Right, because what if the next thing that we move on to is worse? Or what if there's nothing better out there? It's not that you're weak, it's not that you're irresponsible.

It's not that you're clueless. You're staying because you care. You wanna do right by everyone else. I can't tell you how many times I've heard from my coaching clients comments about how well I wanna reduce my hours. Or I wanna leave this [00:14:00] setting entirely, but I don't know what's gonna happen to the clients on my caseload.

I don't trust that the team or the agency that I work for will have something lined up. And I'm worried that my clients are going to go without, and it's gonna be at a, at their detriment. Like me choosing me is going to be at their detriment, but at some point. You have to stop asking if you're doing right by everyone else, and you have to start asking if you're doing right by yourself.

Yes, you're someone who wants to show up fully and authentically, and you're realizing that you can't do that in a place that doesn't align with what matters to you. So let's talk about how this. Costs you how this, what, what is the toll that this takes on [00:15:00] you? Because so often we think about the toll that it's going to take.

If we leave, we think about the toll that leaving is going to take on our colleagues, on our administration, on our clients, but the cost of staying in a job that doesn't align with our values. It's really costly to ourselves and it's not always this over the top dramatic cost that just like knocks you over the head.

It can usually it, it can be, and it usually is slow, quiet, and it builds up over time. It's these tiny little ways that you betray yourself, you betray your values, your needs every day. Oftentimes without you even realizing it. So this might look like you coming home and completely numbing out on the couch with [00:16:00] Netflix instead of actually resting and restoring, which by the way, I just did a Facebook live in the SLP support group about rest and the resistance that we feel.

When it comes to resting and how to overcome that. So if that resonates with you, if that's something that you struggle with, make sure you're in the SLP support group. The link is in the show notes. You're gonna wanna check that Facebook live out. But when we are in a position and we're staying in a position that doesn't align with our values, those are the types of things that we do numb, we buffer, we avoid.

So we might be scrolling on Instagram, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling over and over. Without even realizing what we're looking at, and while we're doing it, we're not feeling any better, usually we're feeling worse. This also looks like. It shows up in your, in your personal life, it looks like you snapping at your husband or your partner, or snapping [00:17:00] at your kids because work got your best self and your family, they're just stuck with the leftovers, right?

This looks like you skipping out, canceling, or not even scheduling doctor's appointments. Things that you need to do for your own physical and mental health and forgetting what it feels like to actually enjoy your work. You don't necessarily have to hate your job in order to know that it's wrong.

Oftentimes, you won't even necessarily hate your job. To know that it is wrong and that it doesn't align with your values. Sometimes it's just this like, mm, yeah, right? Like, eh, sometimes that alone is the real red flag. So think about that. You don't necessarily have to be someone who's listening to this.

You might be thinking, well, I don't hate my job. I don't like come home every day and just zone out and avoid. But [00:18:00] sometimes it, it's just you sort of. Not loving it and making these choices that don't really feel like you, that don't really feel like choices you would want to typically make. That's information.

That too can be an indication that you are in a position that doesn't align with your values. Now, I wanna be super clear here. I'm not telling you to go pull a full on Jerry Maguire. Where you're storming out with the goldfish and you're yelling, who's coming with me? Right? Like, that's not necessarily what you need to do.

You don't have to go burn it all down. There are a lot of small, simple steps that you can take to help you get back on track. Okay. I wanna give you some of these steps so that you've got some tangible things that you can walk away with from this episode. Take with you and go ahead and start doing. [00:19:00] So I've got three here for you.

Okay. There's lots of other things that you could do, but I've got three simple, tangible strategies. Okay? Number one, I want you to identify one, just one value that you are not honoring. Name it. Identify what value of yours, which, which core value are you not honoring as you are in this position? And this could be while you're at work.

This could be also while you are home or out or in your personal life. Okay. But you have to name it. And if you can't answer this, if you don't know what your core values are or if you think you know, but you're not quite clear on which value or values. You're not honoring, stop this episode, pause this episode.

Go listen to [00:20:00] episode 1 0 4, and then come back to me. Then come back to this one, and you'll be able to fill these steps. Take these steps, okay? So that's the first strategy that you can use. The second strategy that I wanna offer is writing a list of your non-negotiables. What are your non-negotiables?

What are the things that you are no longer going to tolerate or the things that you must have in place, non-negotiable in order to do this job, in order to work in this setting, work in this position? These could be simple things. These could be big things. You get to decide. Don't feel guilty when you answer this question honestly, and see what those non-negotiables are.

If those are your non-negotiables, those are your non-negotiables. That's [00:21:00] just information. So maybe your non-negotiable is I do not answer work texts or emails after 4:00 PM or maybe your non-negotiable is. I do not bring work home with me unless I decide that I want to do it right. What are your non-negotiables?

Don't feel guilty. Don't let anyone else guilt you or should you into what a non-negotiable, what is an acceptable or is not an acceptable, acceptable, non-negotiable. You get to decide. And then thirdly, say it out loud. Say it out loud, even if you have to whisper it to yourself, or maybe you write it down.

But say out loud, this position is not working for me anymore because, and name it. Be specific. Do [00:22:00] something by either saying it, whispering it, writing it, but do something that stops you from keeping it buried inside. Because so often that's what we try to do. We try to just stuff it down, avoid it, keep our head in the sand.

Right, but you need to do something to bring that truth to the surface. That truly is the first step. So do something that keeps it, that takes it from being buried and keeps it, and brings it out and acknowledges that stuff, okay? You have to acknowledge it. If you're not acknowledging it, you are in denial.

You are not aligning. With your true self, it is essentially a form of masking. So once you know what that value or those values are that are not being honored, once you know what those non-negotiables are, say them out [00:23:00] loud, bring them to the surface so that you can address it because the longer you avoid it.

The longer you stay stuck, the longer you stay in a position that you don't love, and talking about this, bringing this up, being honest with yourself, it doesn't make you ungrateful. It doesn't mean that you're un unprofessional. It doesn't mean that you're responsible. It makes you honest. It makes you strong.

It makes you an advocate for yourself, even if you're not advocating that. You know, advocating for yourself outside of your conversations and time with yourself. We'll get there. That's okay. We'll get there. But start by being honest with yourself. You can absolutely respect our field and respect your job and your team, right, and everything that it's done for you, everything that it's given you, and still [00:24:00] admit that it's no longer serving you, that it's no longer right.

For who you are and what you need right now. That's not betrayal, right? That's not guilt, that's not wrong. That's growth. That's honesty. In fact, it's a responsibility, but only you can do that. So if you are in a position where your gut, where your intuition is telling you, sometimes softly, sometimes loudly, this isn't working.

But your brain is sometimes offering you thoughts like, yeah, but this is what you signed up for or, but what else would I even do? You don't have to figure that out alone. If you want help with this, this is the exact work that I do with women just like you. I help. You get clear on what actually matters to you, help you spot [00:25:00] those misalignments, spot the things that you have been normalizing for years.

Stuff that you might not even be seeing anymore. They're complete blind spots because you've just, you're, you're immune to them. They've been there for so long that you can't even see it, and I help women build a plan that's not going to burn you out in the process. It's something that puts you first without the guilt, without the shame.

And helps you get back to the field and the position that you love. So if you wanna talk, you can always book a free consult. It's like I said, it's free. There's zero pressure, no hard sell. It's just you and me figuring out if how I can help you. And if that's what you want, if that's what you are, uh, wanting and willing, and able to do, because you truly do deserve work that aligns with [00:26:00] who you are.

What you need and what you value. And in fact, when you have that in place, it's, you don't just feel better, you show up as an even stronger SLP as a better colleague, as a better partner or spouse and a better parent, right? Not choosing work that demands that you leave yourself at the door, sacrifice it all, and then go home to your family and your friends with nothing left to give.

You are allowed to know what matters to you. You're allowed to ask for it. You're allowed to advocate for it and choose it because you deserve work that respects and honors your values and you deserve someone in your corner who will do the same. So if you want support with this book a [00:27:00] consult, let's make sure that your work actually works for you.

And not the other way around. Alright, I hope this was helpful. I hope that you've enjoyed this burnout series. If you haven't caught any of the past four or five episodes, go back and listen to them. There's lots of nuggets in there that I know. Will be helpful and like I said, if you want some support, you know where to find me.

Book a consult. The link is always in the show notes and I hope to see you all in the SLP support group on Facebook. Alright, talk to you soon.