112. ADHD, Self-Trust, & the Follow-Through Problem No One Talks About

Ever tell yourself, “This week will be different”… and by Tuesday, it’s a dumpster fire?

Or make a To-Do List, ignore it for days, and then use that as “proof” you’re not capable?

Congrats, you're human.

But guess what? The problem isn’t your ability to follow through—the problem is the hit your self-trust takes when it happens. 

And that’s what we’re digging into today: how self-trust breaks down, why ADHD brains feel it harder, and how to rebuild it without white-knuckling your way through life.

In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on:

• What self-distrust actually looks like (it’s sneakier than you think)
• The overcommit → fall short → shame → try harder → repeat cycle
• Why it’s not laziness or lack of motivation—it’s your nervous system + executive (dys)functioning at work
• My 3-step framework for rebuilding self-trust (plus 2 bonus strategies you can start today)

Whether you have ADHD or not, you’ll walk away with practical, real-life ways to keep promises to yourself—and stop letting one “off” day derail your progress.

Mentioned in This Episode:

• Episode 32: How to Be Consistent
• Episode 42: Start Treating Yourself Like a Client!

To find out how I can help you improve your work-life balance, click here.

Come join the SLP Support Group on Facebook for more tips and tricks!

Follow me on Instagram! @theresamharp

Learn more about Theresa Harp Coaching here.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome to Work-Life Balance for Speech Pathologists. I'm Theresa Harp, an SLP and Productivity Coach, and this podcast is all about how to build a successful career as an SLP and still have time for yourself and the people and things you love. So if you're ready to ditch stress and burnout for a more balanced and fulfilling life than you are in the right place. Let's dive in.

Hello podcast listeners. Welcome to episode 112. I'm gonna be talking about self-trust, productivity, and ADHD. That is where I'm heading in two days' episode. And how you will know that this episode is for you is if you have ever done any of the following sort of things. Number one, made a to-do list.

And [00:01:00] then completely ignored it for like 3, 4, 5 days, maybe ever. Number two, maybe you have found yourself thinking or saying something like, okay, this week is gonna be different. I'm trying out. You know, I'm turning a new page. It's, it's a new week, we, I'm gonna keep up with things, and then by Tuesday afternoon, everything seems like it's completely unraveled.

Or maybe number three, you've ever found yourself in a scenario where you're like, oh, I would love to be able to do that, but that's just not. In the cards for me, or maybe you see a result, something that you wanna have, something that you wanna create. Like, oh, I wish I could do that. Or, oh, I want that, I'm gonna do it.

And you go all in. And [00:02:00] then by Wednesday morning, you've kind of forgotten what the vision actually was. Okay. If you can relate to any sort of scenario like that, then this episode is going to help you. Okay, now, this is the second episode in a four-ish, maybe four to five episode series on ADHD and productivity.

But you don't have to have ADHD or think that you have ADHD in order to benefit from this information. Okay? This is a lot of, this is human. Stuff that we all experience. It is all stuff that we all experience, but it's stuff that those who are are have A DHD or have a neurodivergent brain tend to experience more often or at greater levels.

Okay. But regardless, this is gonna be helpful, [00:03:00] and I feel like I have to say one thing before I dive in. Uh, I feel like out of an abundance of authenticity, I feel like it's important to acknowledge that I'm completely recording this podcast episode the night before that it is set to air. I was just talking with a client, a coaching client, actually, about this and how I had planned to get it done.

To batch episodes and get them done last week on, I think Monday or Tuesday, and it didn't happen. And I am here now the night before recording it. And I'm not letting that mean anything. I'm not making that mean anything about me, about my value, about my, uh, I don't know, capability. That's not at all where my brain goes, or if my brain does go there, I can very easily redirect it.

And I am bringing this up, number one, [00:04:00] to be authentic, but then also number two, it really relates to today's podcast episode about self-trust, because I had, like I said, planned to record this episode and the other episodes in this series last week, and I said I was gonna do it and I didn't do it. And that has had zero impact on my self-trust and my, the way that I show up.

And so I share that so that you know that when you say you're going to something and it doesn't happen, it does not mean that anything has gone wrong. And it doesn't mean anything about you and your value as a person. Okay? So remember that it's gonna tie into what we're talking about today, okay? So self-trust, right?

Self-trust. Um, I want you to recognize [00:05:00] how big of an impact self-trust has on your ability to make changes. Improvements, air quotes here, however you define that in your personal and professional life, because whether you realize it or not, as you are setting out and working to make different choices to achieve a different result, let's say for example, being caught up on your session notes or another example, not bringing home work with you at the end of the day.

Right. Some of you may find yourselves wanting to make changes like this and not allowing yourself to try, because when you tell yourself, oh yeah, okay, I am no longer bringing my work home [00:06:00] with me, and your level of trust in what you say is low. You will either doom yourself before you start total self-sabotage, or you will try and quote, unquote, fail, not how I would see it, but fail.

And then use that as evidence for how you are not capable of. Achieving this result of making this change. And so you might then never, eventually just why bother? Right. So it's sort of like that thing where, like you say out loud like, oh yeah, I'm going to, I don't know. For whatever reason I have health, physical health in my mind right now.

So, and I feel like that's an example that everyone can relate to, but it's sort of like when you say, oh gosh, I need to lose 20 pounds. I am gonna lose 20 pounds. I'm gonna go on a diet. [00:07:00] Or I'm gonna change my nutrition or my eating habits, I'm gonna make different choices. And as you are saying it, you don't even believe it.

And your brain is probably internally saying to you, no you won't. What are you crazy? Like, no, of course you're not gonna do that. And you're almost saying it without any belief in the possibility, right? It's like you say one thing, but you're thinking something else. And the more we do that, the more that cycle continues.

So it's really important that we work on and address the, the, the need to heal this inner trust because otherwise you're gonna just be white knuckling your way through everything that you're doing and feeling really lousy in the process. Okay. So let's talk about what self-trust [00:08:00] looks like, or to put it another way, what self distrust looks like when you don't have trust in yourself.

What does that look like? Okay, so it could look like, and I've given you some examples already, but it could look like you are saying one thing, but meaning another, and you, as you are saying it, like I, like I mentioned already, you're not trusting yourself to follow through, so you. Might overcommit to something or over schedule yourself and then you don't trust in your ability to follow through and do what you say, so then you might overcompensate like you are, you know, doing, taking like all these little steps to help yourself.

Achieve that result because you don't think that you're capable of doing it. This is different. To be clear, this is different than like setting yourself up for success. [00:09:00] This is basically micromanaging your way into a result that you want. Okay? Self distrust might also look like you feeling anxious ahead of time.

It's like you're feeling anxious or uneasy or uncomfortable. Before the, the quote unquote failure has even happened. So it's like if you, uh, set out to leave work. Home, I'm sorry, to leave work at work and to not bring work home with you that whole week, that like you're working towards that goal. You may feel even more anxious ahead of time, especially after you've done it, let's say one or two days and you're just waiting for yourself to fail.

It's like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well, that was great, but this is the honeymoon period. I know I'm gonna be bringing my work home with me [00:10:00] soon. Like I'm just waiting for the, for the day. I am waiting for the, the, the moment when I cave and I bring it back home with me. Right? It could also, self-trust could also, or self distrust, could also look like you flaking out on things that you actually want to do.

And then blaming yourself for it, right? So let's say you flake out on the, not, you know, not bringing work home with you. Let's say you flake out on that. You try it like a day, and then you flake out, right? And then you blame yourself for what happened. You blame like you are the problem, right? And then it's just confirmation.

That you are not trustworthy. And if I can't even trust what I say, who can trust? Who else could trust what I say? Right. [00:11:00] And self distrust can also look like you not even trying. I said it before and I'll say it again. It's like, why bother? Right. What's the point? Why am I, why even bother? Why even try?

'cause I know, I know I can't do it. Or I'm so sick and tired of, of hearing myself say this a million times. I might as well just stop saying it because if you can't do it, if you can't follow through Theresa, then stop saying it out loud. Because then at least you're not being, you're not breaking that trust, right?

If you say it out loud and don't do it, then you're just confirming that you don't have, like, you cannot be trusted. But if you don't say it at all, then you're not breaking any promises with yourself or anybody else. Okay? [00:12:00] So. Those are some examples, and I want you to know that this is not about you being lazy.

This is not about not having the right motivation or enough motivation. This is more about your nervous system and your executive functioning skills because when you plan to do something, plan to make a change, right? Plan to start a new habit, and. You don't have that level of self-trust, you start to panic.

Your nervous system starts to react. You might feel it in your stomach, you might feel it in your head. You might feel it in your shoulders. Everyone's gonna feel it in a different place, in different places, and it's gonna feel different ways, but you need to recognize that it's there. Your body, your nervous system is responding to that.

And when our nervous system isn't regulated, it becomes even harder for us. To manage the [00:13:00] executive functioning skills, our executive functioning skills start to suffer. They start to, they start to pay the price. And so we know that people with ADHD struggle with executive functioning skills to begin with, and now it's like a double whammy, right?

So I want you to understand this is not like you not knowing enough or you not being dependable. This isn't you just being lazy. This is. Human and it's something that's happening within your body and within your brain. Okay, now let's talk about why the self-trust breaks down. Okay. Like, why is it when we say something that we want to to do, let's stop bringing work home at night.

Why does our self-trust. Pay the price. Like why, why is it dwindling? Right? Why and how is [00:14:00] that showing up? Okay. So there's a lot of different ways that, that this can look. But I think to, to sort of simplify it and, and maybe at the risk of generalizing here, I'm gonna offer one framework. For why that self-trust breaks down and just know that this can Absolutely, this is not the only, the only framework.

This is not necessarily every, you know, every scenario won't necessarily fit this framework, but listen to it and then take what works, leave what doesn't, and as always, adapt what you need to adapt, modify it to make it work for you. Okay? But generally speaking, the loop goes like this. Number one, we over commit.

We over commit. Number two, we fall short. Number three, we have a feeling or feelings, usually feelings like shame, guilt, [00:15:00] embarrassment, inadequacy. Okay. Then step four, we make a promise to try harder, do better. And then step five, we repeat that cycle. So let me break these down for you very quickly so that it makes a little bit more sense and you can see how this might be showing up for you.

So I said step one of this framework, right, is Overcommitting. Now overcommitting can look like lots of different ways. This could mean you saying, I'm gonna lose 30 pounds by yesterday, right? This could be like, I'm gonna lose 30 pounds by Monday. That. Is an overcommitment. It's also very unrealistic, but that's overcommitting.

You do not have the capacity to do that. You have committed to doing something that you are not capable of doing. That's overcommitting. Overcommitment could also look like I'm gonna have all of my session notes done by the end of this week, but if you're [00:16:00] 45, 50, 80 session notes behind, that's not gonna happen.

Right. That's Overcommitting. Overcommitting might sound like or look like. I'm going to never take my work home with me again. At the end of the day, I'm never taking work home again. That's overcommitting. It's also unrealistic. It's probably impossible, potentially. It's not really impossible, but you get the idea, right?

So. Step one of this of why this happens, like the first component of this is overcommitment. So ask yourself, where am I, overcommitting? What's the result that you want? Is it to have your session notes be done within a certain number of times, like certain number of hours? Is it that you wanna feel a certain way about your.

The way that you're showing up at work or the way that you show up at home, is it that you wanna have a boundary of not looking at work email after hours? Like what is the [00:17:00] result that you want and how are you overcommitting to that result? And let me offer too that you can still commit to the result and still work towards that result without overcommitting.

Like this isn't about. You needing to set a new result or choose a new result? It's about adjusting the timeline or the expectations. Okay, so you overcommit, then you fall short. Okay, so because we've overcommitted, we've created a situation where we cannot feasibly do this and so we, we don't do it right.

We don't meet that over commitment. And what happens when you fall short? Usually the first time you fall short, you're like, see, I knew it. I knew I couldn't do it. [00:18:00] Right? It confirms your prediction. Then you feel a certain way about it. You're gonna feel upset. You're gonna feel ashamed. You're gonna feel regretful, embarrassed, anxious, angry, frustrated, like whatever.

But usually. Those, those emotions that you're feeling are, I don't wanna say that they're negative emotions 'cause I think emotions are just emotions, but you know, they're, they're, those, the emotions that you don't, you would prefer not to feel. Right. And by the way, some of you might not even realize that that's what you're feeling.

You might realize it, but squash it down. Try to push it aside. Try to just bury it or buffer and avoid it thinking that that's the answer, which it's not. Then you promise that you're gonna try harder. Okay, well I am. No, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this. Okay, I can do this, and this time I'm gonna do it, and I'm gonna do it even better.

I'm gonna be even ser even more serious about it. [00:19:00] Right. And then you get back into that cycle so that overcommitment leads you to fall short and feel a certain way, and then you overcommit even more. You set the bar even higher, right? But this is not a failure. This is just information. And when you have this information, when you see this, the good news is that you can change it, right?

So. Here are a few ways that we can do this. Number one, recognize the role that A DHD is playing here. If you have or suspect that you have ADHD. How is a DHD showing up here? I could give you a million ways, right? Maybe it is that, uh, impossible, perfectionist attitude. Maybe it's the all or nothing thinking.

Right. Maybe it is emotional regulation or dysregulation, but what are the different ways that [00:20:00] ADHD is getting in the way? Maybe ADHD is leading you to the overcommitment because you're not pausing. Maybe you're impulsively deciding without really pausing and reflecting. Maybe you are with, with maybe your ADHD is causing you to.

To react and to agree to something or commit to something before you've thought it through, what's it going to require? Right? Planning, time management, all of these are executive functioning skills and they're impacted by ADHD, and they're going to therefore affect your ability to create new patterns like this, to to break the old bad patterns and to create nuances, to set new habits to achieve these results.

How might you be? How might your maybe masking show up here if you do have ADHD If you are masking, and I'm not saying that you shouldn't be masking, I wanna be super clear here, or I'm [00:21:00] not telling you to stop masking, but what I am saying is what are you masking? And, and if so, what is the role that the mask is playing here?

If you are masking at work, you may be committing to things that are. More geared towards a neurotypical brain and not towards your neurodivergent brain. Right. And the other piece that I think is important to keep in mind in terms of how to overcome this, right, how to rebuild it, is that it absolutely is possible if you think.

And notice how self-trust or distrust comes up here, right? If you think that you want a result, but you don't believe you can get it, you don't trust yourself to get it. This, this, all of what I'm telling you right now [00:22:00] is gonna be really difficult for you to do. So you gotta trust on a whim. You gotta take a, take a leap of faith.

Right. You gotta, it's more than just that. I'm gonna give you more tangible tips, but you really have to put yourself out there and allow room for failure. Allow that, allow for that and that not to be a problem, because it's not possible to do something a hundred percent of the time in the same way every single time, forever and ever.

It's just not, it's just not. Life will get in the way. At some point, something's going to happen, and if the, the second that something happens and life gets in the way, if you fall apart and use that as evidence to, to confirm your [00:23:00] belief that it's not possible for you, you'll never get it. So you have to shift the, the definition of success here.

And one podcast episode. By the way, one podcast episode that I think would be really helpful is to go back and listen to episode number, I believe it's 34, how to Be Consistent. Okay. So definitely check that one out. I'll link to it in the show notes. Okay, so let's. Now, more importantly, talk about what you can do about this.

Let's say you're on board. You understand that self-trust can have a big impact on quote unquote success, right? Making positive changes. You agree that self-trust not only matters, but you understand that it's, it's under that you understand that nothing has gone wrong, that you are human and. That you [00:24:00] can change it.

Okay. Let's talk about how, so I gave you a mini framework earlier for that self distrust loop and, and how it shows up. I wanna give you a mini framework for rebuilding the self-trust and then I'm gonna sprinkle in some additional little tips on top of that to help you. Okay? So first step to rebuild the self-trust.

Is to shrink the promise. So if we said earlier that this self-trust breakdown happens, number one, when you over commit, let's start there. Let's under commit or under promise. I've tried to do this in my communication with my clients or potential clients, I used to say, okay, I'll have that to you in the next 24 hours.

Like if I had a consult last week and I said I [00:25:00] would've, you know, passed me, would've said, all right, I'm, I'll get you this report tomorrow. And then I would doubt my ability to get them the summary, the consult summary by tomorrow. And then I would feel really anxious the whole time, and I might. Over. I might like work harder and get it done, but feel really lousy about how, how it felt trying to get it done within that 24 hours.

I may, might feel resentful about it with myself or, you know, all, all of that would've been, would've been very, I would've felt a lot of ways, or I would've failed to meet that 24 hour self-imposed deadline. And I would say, see, this is why you suck right now. I will say to myself. The pause, the power of the pause and check in.

Is this possible? Do I even want to commit to this? And then I will speak. So, and sometimes I don't always get it ahead of time and I'll catch myself in the moment over committing and then [00:26:00] adjust. So last week when I had a consult, I said, you know what? Let me think a second. I can get you this summary.

I'd love to get it to you by tomorrow, but at the latest, I should have it to you by two days. And I did. I got it done and I felt so much better in the process. Anyway, I digress. So shrink the promise instead of going for the all or nothing approach. You know, saying I'm never, ever taking work home again with me.

Say, I'm gonna try not to take work home with me one day this week, or I might take work home, but I will think very intentionally before I decide to actually open it when I'm at home. Right. You can. You can make it look any way you want. Stop thinking about what the end result is and think about what would be like the first step of that end result and start there.

So shrink the promise number two. Step number two is to [00:27:00] look for the mini wins. Yeah, this is about micro here. Micro, micro, micro, okay. What are the small wins? You have to go look for them like you are mining for a diamond in the rough, right? What small wins can you find related to that smaller promise?

That shrunken promise? Right? So maybe let's say the over, let's say the, the promise was, I will. Leave work home. Uh, oh my gosh. I keep saying that I will leave work at work one day this week and let's say you didn't do it at all. Let's say you brought work home every day instead of, you know, four outta five days.

You did it five outta five days, but maybe you didn't look at it a few of those days, and maybe that is a [00:28:00] win, right? What are the little wins? Maybe it's, well, I didn't leave work at work, but I did pause and really think about it at the end of the day before I brought my work home with me. I still brought it home, but at least I thought about it and I realized it was a choice, not someone else doing it and forcing me to do it, putting work in my bag and sending me home, right?

So look for those micro winds, you have to look for them because you brain is, especially if you have ADHD, your brain is gonna look for and see most the flops, the fails, not the wins. Right. So even if you follow through on things hundreds of times, the one time you forget it or you've, you drop the ball, that's the time that you're gonna remember, right?

So you have to go mining for the counter [00:29:00] evidence. It's a list of things in your mind or written that where you do what you say you will do, right? Because in your mind. The thought is, I can't trust myself. Well now go look for all the times, all look for all the, the counter evidence, all of the ways that that is not true.

Okay. Because I mean, let's face it, your brain is your brain. It's not a neutral, you know, news outlet, right? Is there such a thing, by the way, it's not a neutral news station. It is very much skewed and has its own perspective, and it probably is gonna run on scandal and salacious headlines, right? So your brain is gonna offer you that news.

You have to [00:30:00] look for another station that has news that is neutral and or more. In the, in the direction that you are heading. Okay. Okay. So that's the second piece of overcoming or rebuilding self-trust. Okay? Those small wins. Third step, and I'm gonna guess that this is one that you haven't heard before or really thought about.

Is to renegotiate. Renegotiate with yourself. So instead of just abandoning a task when you can't do it, you know, instead of just abandoning doing what you said you were going to do, renegotiate with yourself. And I would encourage you to even do this out loud. So this might. Sound something like I had [00:31:00] planned not to bring work home with me today, but I've decided I'm gonna bring it home and I'll only work for 30 minutes tomorrow.

I'll try again. Right? So this takes things from, I'm quietly failing. Or I'm self-sabotaging, or I'm abandoning into, I've decided to make a change. I'm making this intentional change. So it's you maintaining your authority, your agency, which helps preserve the trust because let's face it, stuff happens.

Circumstances change. And so although you may have intended to do something a certain way at a certain time. Maybe things didn't go the way that you planned, right? And maybe that's not a problem. Maybe that's you just checking in with yourself and renegotiating. So let me give [00:32:00] you two more. I said I was gonna sprinkle in a couple extras.

Okay, two more bonus strategies. This one is a really important one, if you can go there. Okay. When there are moments. That the self-trust breaks down, and let's say it's because you dropped the ball, or for whatever reason, didn't do what you said you were gonna do. Reflect on why. Reflect on what happened, what went wrong, what went right, what would you do differently before you just chalk it all up as a total loss?

Really look at that scenario and ask yourself, where's the learning here? What do I know now that I didn't know before? Or what do I know now? A little bit stronger. Okay, so look for that learning. And then the fifth and final strategy that I'm gonna give you for rebuilding self-trust is to treat [00:33:00] yourself like a client.

And I have a whole episode about that. I think it's even named How to Treat Yourself like a Client. I will link to it in the show notes because this strategy can be applied to anything, and I have found it so helpful and I share it with my coaching clients all the time. Think about the clients on your caseload, your clients, your students, your patients, whatever you call them, who is on your caseload, and imagine that they are in your shoes.

Let's say that you have given them a strategy to work on at home, or you've given them an activity to do at home and they don't do it for whatever reason, what would you say to them? What would you do? What would you say? How would you have that conversation? Would you have that conversation, would you think?

Things, I'm gonna guess that the things that you would think about your client. Are a lot nicer than the things that you think about [00:34:00] yourself. So why is it that we would show up one way for our clients and show up a different way for ourselves? You know that your clients, if they want to hit the results, right, if they wanna achieve the goals that are in their plan, they're gonna have to.

Keep showing up. Even when they miss, even when they miss, even when they drop the ball. Even when they fail, you wouldn't tell them Why bother? You wouldn't tell them to stop, so why are you letting yourself, okay, this was a lot longer and ramly, if that's a word Then I thought so. If you are still with me, I really appreciate you being here and I hope that this was helpful.

I also want to invite you to book a consult if this is something that you want help with. If this is the type of information that [00:35:00] you want support with, if this is what you want to be able to create for yourself and you don't wanna do it alone, book a consult. I'm happy to talk you through what I do and how I can help the link's always in the show notes.

And I will be back next week with another episode all about. This A DHD flare, if you will, when it comes to productivity. All right. Have a great week. Talk then.