117. The Juggle Is Real: Work-Life Balance Without the Guilt

Some days it feels like I’m living a double life. I’m in work mode -- teaching grad students or coaching SLPs -- and at the same time my brain is screaming about school picture day forms, dinner plans, or how to get the kids to practice on time. If you’ve ever felt like you’re straddling two boats (bad visual, but you get it), this episode is for you.

Today I’m talking about the mental gymnastics of switching between roles -- SLP, mom, partner, caregiver, all of it. And more importantly, why it feels so hard (spoiler: your brain isn’t broken, it’s human) and what we can actually do about it.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why context switching drains your energy (especially for ADHD brains)
• How unrealistic expectations create guilt — and what to do instead
• 3 strategies to make the juggle feel less like chaos
• Mindset shifts that actually make strategies stick

If This Resonates…

If this hit home, I’d love to help you untangle the work-life blend in a way that actually works for you. Book a free consult—we’ll figure it out together.

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Keywords:

work-life balance SLP, context switching ADHD, overwhelmed speech pathologist, executive functioning challenges, productivity for SLPs, ADHD time management, juggling work and family, strategies for balance

To find out how I can help you improve your work-life balance, click here.

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Learn more about Theresa Harp Coaching here.

Transcript

 Hello, SLPs. Welcome back to the podcast. I am testing out a new platform. Right now I'm recording this episode in a new platform, and so if I sound a little different, whether it's the audio that sounds different or I just sound a little di, maybe distracted or I don't know. If you're noticing something is different, it's not in your imagination.

I don't really know what I'm doing with this new platform, but I'm testing it out and in the interest of maximizing my time, I'm just going with whatever, whatever this creates, like we're just gonna see what happens. But. That is not the point of today's episode. The purpose or the focus of today's episode is something that has been coming up in coaching sessions a lot lately, and whenever something comes up frequently in coaching sessions, I try to create a podcast around it because it's probably top of mind and relevant for those of you who listen to the show.

So this episode is all about juggling and balancing, and I use that word very loosely by the way, what, uh, what it involves or what it takes or what it looks like to serve as a, as an SLP to show up in your work mode and while also showing up. Now some of you. Are listening to this, and you are not a parent.

I know that not everyone who's listening is a parent, but even if you're not juggling kids along with your role as an SLP, chances are you're juggling something, right? It could be a second job, a part-time job, or a private practice that you are working, uh, at, at building or establishing and building. It could be caring for your parents, uh, partner.

Spouse, friends, family stuff, right? Or just simply the mental gymnastics that comes with being a high functioning human who has a thousand tabs open, right? So this conversation still applies to you because really what we're talking about is context switching. The emotional load that comes with it when you're trying to be multiple people for multiple people in one day, right?

So think about how this applies to you. I know for me as a mom, if you're new here, by the way, I am a mom. I have kids ages. I have twins who are in fourth grade. I have a. Second grader and I have a kindergartner, had to think for a second. So I have four kids in elementary school and I am pretty familiar with the juggle right.

Of, of trying to show up as a mom and be there for them and, and be present and proud of how I'm showing up while also. Being somebody who loves to work. I love our field. I love teaching. I love being productive and effective in my professional life, and that can be really challenging to sort of do the dance between the two.

So. Whether you are a parent, maybe you're trying to be present with your kids, but your brain is stuck in your work mode or stuck on your to-do list of all those reports that haven't gotten written or session notes that you're behind on, then maybe you sit down. To work on it. And then all you can think about is your kids and all the things you forgot to do or need to do for your kids.

Like order school photos or pick out the spirit, wear that, that is on sale before the shop closes or sign the form so that they can be in band or chorus. Right. Any any of these sounding familiar? They're very familiar for me. Right. Or maybe. Maybe for those who are not parents, maybe you have had a day where you are writing progress reports or of prepping for therapy sessions and then your dog gets sick.

And you've gotta clean that up and then your phone is ringing and you're trying to stay focused throughout all of this, and you're forgetting where, where you were like, where was I? Where did I leave off? And how am I doing this right? It's like no matter where you are, your mind is often somewhere else.

And if you're neurodivergent, hello, A DHD people, my friends, right? That sort of context, switching that, that role switching task switching hits even harder. So I wanna talk about why. Why this is because I want to make sure that everyone is understanding that this is human, this is part of the process.

Nothing has necessarily gone wrong, there's nothing wrong with you. So I wanna talk about why it happens, and then I wanna talk about what we can do about it. Okay? That is the plan. So some of you may be listening and you may have some really good ideas about why this happens, but I want you to hear me out because I'm willing to bet that some of what I'm about to offer might be maybe something that you needed a refresher on, or it could be entirely new information.

And to be fair, to be clear, there's lots of reasons why this feels hard. Switching back and forth between your role at work and then your role outside of work. So I'm not obviously going to be able to talk about all of those reasons, but I'm gonna talk about some of the frequent flyers. Alright, so first one is just the simple practice of switching from context to context is incredibly demanding in terms of the cognitive load, right?

So. It's not just about you, it's also about your brain. It's about your executive functioning skills or maybe some executive functioning skills that aren't functioning, if you know what I mean. Right? Because parenting and working or working and caregiving, or working and juggling life responsibilities, those are different contexts.

They're almost like different identities and. I'm not gonna go down that rabbit hole. I think that could be a, another podcast in and of itself. But they are different modes. They're different contexts. And you're switching between SLP mode, mom mode, family mode, uh, wife mode, caretaker mode, right? And that can sometimes happen.

Rapidly, especially in time during times of the year, like summer, right? We're just, as I'm recording this, we've just finished up summer break, so you know, it, it of course is more prevalent during times like that when your schedule has shifted. Kids are home when they wouldn't normally be home, so on and so forth.

But this can also happen on any given day. This can even happen when you are. Other people, spouse, kids, whoever aren't present because it can be happening internally as well, right? It's like that mental to-do list that that just, it's like vomit. It just like spews out of you. It's like running around in your head and sorry for the gross reference, but it's like running around in your head and it's almost like you can't control it and you're like thinking of all the things.

You're trying to only think of the thing that you're attempting to focus on. So as we are switching from role to role, it is cognitively demanding. It's taking energy from you. It's tapping into different types of energy, different types of information, different mindsets. And for a neurodivergent brain that's even more exhausting because.

Obviously with neurodivergent brains, the executive functioning skills are already taxed, and now we're placing an even greater demand on them. Okay, so that is context switching, and it is tiring and it is challenging. Another reason why this feels so difficult. Is because, in my opinion, of unrealistic expectations and those unrealistic expectations, or maybe not even unrealistic, sometimes it's just simply lack of re of expectations or lack of realistic expectations.

They can lead to shame and guilt and all sorts of fun stuff. So I think that we have been, you know. Conditioned in society for, in many ways, we've been sold this story of, and I'm generalizing here, but the, the women that can do it. All the people that can show up and do it all right? You're expected to be mom and volunteer and, you know, leader at work and, uh, be.

The, the, the spouse or partner for your person and do all the things. And we see that on the highlight reels. We see people on social media, quote unquote, doing it all right, like the, the smiling mom with the laptop while her baby is playing or reading in the background, right? That, at least for me, was not really my reality.

That was the exception, not the norm, but our brain. Establishes this story of that's how it should look. That's what it looks like. That's what it feels like. But the reality is for most of us, it doesn't look like that. And when we find ourselves in that situation and it is not looking like that, it creates.

Shame or guilt or overwhelm or blame? Self blame. Right. I know for me, when I was first starting out with my private practice and I had just had my twins, I felt like I, when I was working, I felt like I was a bad mom. I felt like I was. You know, missing moments or I wasn't keeping up with all of the things that I, in my mind should be keeping up with, and I wasn't showing up for them the way that I wanted to show up for them.

And then I would be home with them, with my kids, and I would feel like I was falling behind in work. I was. Not an effective SLPI wasn't making enough of a difference. I was plateauing in my private practice. I was missing deadlines or dropping balls at work, and I felt like I was falling short there. It constantly felt like I, I could not win, and I was sick and tired of that reality or, or of that feeling rather because.

In my mind it was truth, it was fact. And I realized that I had to do not just some external strategies, you know, some systems and routines to make things run smoother, but more importantly, I had to change what I was, how I was thinking, what I was telling myself, what I was saying to myself, because that piece.

Was unrealistic. So if you're feeling guilty, if you're feeling like you suck at both areas, you're not doing it wrong, you don't suck, please hear me. I think that we try to do it perfectly. We expect that we're gonna be able to show up a hundred percent of ourselves a hundred percent of the time, and that's not realistic.

It's just not okay. So. I hope that that at least gives you a little bit of, of awareness about why this happens. A little bit of understanding about how it is perfectly human and normal to feel this way, and if you're now sitting here thinking, okay, great, so it's normal. I'm just gonna feel like crap in both of those roles.

Thanks, Theresa. This was great. Don't turn off this episode yet because I want to talk about what we can do about it. Right. I wanna give you some tangible, tactical, practical strategies that you can walk away with. But in order for those strategies to work, I really wanna take a minute and speak to the mindset piece.

So in my coaching framework that I use with the LPs that I coach on work-life balance, we have sort of this three point framework. The first, and they, they're in no particular order, but it's sort of like this, this cycle of self-awareness strategies, sustainability. So I wanna speak for a moment about the self-awareness and the mindset, and then we will talk about the strategies.

Okay. Because if we are ignoring or skipping right over the mindset stuff, you're gonna hear the strategies. You're going to think that that's solving for the problem, but you're not gonna feel any different. Your laundry might be caught up, or your reports might be closer to the deadline. Like you might be handing them in closer to the deadlines, but you're probably not gonna feel all that different.

You're still gonna feel guilty. You're still gonna feel like you're falling short. Because we need to look at how we are defining balance. And that's not the purpose of today's episode, but you really need to ask yourself like, what, what is the vision that I have for how this is supposed to look? How this is supposed to feel?

What? How do you want it to feel? And then. When you have an idea of that, it's a lot easier to solve for it. Okay. But let's give you, let's give ourselves some, some grace, some flexibility, some understanding. Here are a couple things I want you to keep in mind. Balance does not mean equal in this case. I know that we've been fed this story of work-life balance, and I have lots of thoughts about that term, but whatever term resonates for you.

I just wanna be super clear that when I say work-life balance, I'm not talking about equal. I'm not talking about equal time and energy. In the work mode and equal time and energy in the life mode or home mode. To me it's more of like work life blend, work life harmony, synergy, sort of that, because it's, it's, it's ever.

It's a moving target. It's a moving target. It's always evolving and shifting. It changes week to week or season to season, sometimes just like day to day or hour to hour. I can attest to that. The. Beginning parts of my day look very different than the middle parts of my day where I'm working without anyone around.

And then they look very different than the afternoons and then the evenings. So let's look at your definition or your vision of how this is quote unquote, supposed to look and feel, and make sure that you're clear on that. Okay? And look at what are your honest priorities. What matters most to you? Okay.

And what do you need to let go of in order to show up in a way that you feel good about, that you feel proud of? What are you holding onto that you don't need to hold onto? What are you hanging onto that you can release, that you can let go of? What are your standards and are they realistic? Are they serving you?

Do you feel like they are, that they are, that they are reasonable? So really asking yourself about that, that balance, and do not believe every thought. You think, okay, whatever thoughts your brain offers you, they are just. Thoughts. Sometimes we think it, and then we believe it. We don't even question it. We just think it, and then it would, we respond as if it is truth.

You suck as an SLP, Theresa, you did a, you did a horrible job in that session. Oh my gosh. Your practice is never gonna get off the ground. Like those thoughts will pop in our brain, and if you aren't questioning them. You might be just taking them at phase value and believing them and how is that affecting the way that you feel in both of your roles?

Okay. Alright. So looking at that mindset, please do it. If you want help, let me know. This is what I do. We can work together, I can help you. But I also wanna offer, like I said, some of the strategies, right? So I've got a few, I've got a few. Uh, the first one. Is the role of, or the rule of three, not the role of three, although actually role of three kind of fits in here.

Because the rule of three is, in this case, referring to three and no more, three roles that you are prioritizing. So for example. Human mom, SLP, and just the simple awareness that they are three different roles that require three different things, yet they are all parts of you. Just that awareness, I think can help to increase your ability.

To be able to recognize where you're showing up as one and maybe start to, to recognize the things that you are doing in each role. Sometimes we, we, we often overlook all of the amazing work that we're doing in the many different roles that we play. So start recognizing what those roles are and how you want to prioritize them, and again, moving target.

Moving target, you can shift this as at any point, maybe one day it's just one role. Cool. Maybe you start out saying, it's gonna be one role today. I am in mom mode. And then something happens and you decide intentionally, okay, I'm shifting roles. Now I'm, I'm gonna be stepping into this role, having that.

Recognition and that autonomy, that agency can do wonders. It can be incredibly empowering. Okay? So that's looking at the roles that you are playing and stepping into those roles, and another strategy that you can utilize, which is one that I don't do enough if I'm being totally honest. Is transition routines, so when you're shifting from one role to the next, or one context to the next, when you know about it, when you have that predictability, right, if you are able to consciously.

Take an action or do some thought work or something that helps signal to your brain and your body that I'm shifting from this mode and I'm moving into this other mode. That can be incredibly helpful. I know for me, one thing that I, so corny, but it's, it worked. One thing that I would visualize at least in the past was as I was.

Wrapping up work for the day, I would kind of just picture myself taking off one hat, work hat or SLP hat and then putting on another hat like mom hat, and so it was like this signal to myself like, okay, stepping out of this, stepping into that. Now this is not about like showing up as an entirely different person.

That's not the message I want to send. This is about sort of giving your brain. Indication notification and permission to make that shift. Because sometimes if we, if we just, you know, react from and go from one mode to the next without any sort of awareness or acknowledgement. We don't always, like, we don't fully step out of the one role before we step into the new role.

And it can feel like we are trying to like, like we've got two like boats or two kayaks, and you've got one foot in one kayak and you've got another foot in another kayak and you're, I don't even know if that tracks, actually I'm not, that's probably a terrible analogy, but like, it's like you're straddling to.

Lines or you Strat straddling like this boundary and you've got one foot on one side and one foot on the other. It can be really taxing. So some sort of like transition to end this role and step into that role. Now it's great when you can sort of do this and you have it, you know, mapped out or you know what it involves.

But sometimes life, most of the time, at least for me, it doesn't always happen that way. And it's just sort of like, yeah. Okay. Deep breath. Three deep breaths. Clear the desk. Sometimes it's just like standing up, stretching. Sometimes it's just like, I will take my, I'm doing it right now, like, take my arms or my, or take my hands and like brush off my arms and like, I'm sort of just like releasing the day or like wiping that clean and stepping into this next role.

So that's another strategy that you can use. And then a third strategy that I wanna offer is checking in with your capacity. So just because we feel like we're serving these different, you know, showing up in these different roles and that we have to show up in these different roles, doesn't mean that we're always gonna do it.

At the same level, with the same amount of energy and precision and joy and whatever. So day to day, week to week, your capacity to show up in each of those, in the various roles that you play, your capacity is going to shift, and it's really important to recognize that your energy is not fixed. It changes.

And so if you can check in with yourself, like what is the capacity for what I can take on right now this afternoon or today or this week? You can go macro, you can go micro. But really looking at what am I realistically able to take on? What do I want to take on can help you to. Create more realistic, reasonable expectations for yourself, okay?

It's not about doing more in each of these roles. These strategies are not meant to help you get more done in any role that you're showing up in, although sometimes that might be. That might be the, the benefit. That might be one of the, the payoffs, but that's not the purpose. The purpose is not about getting more done, the purpose, at least for me and for my clients, right?

It's not about necessarily getting more done, it's about feeling present and purposeful in the role that you're in while you're in it. It's about. Giving yourself grace and, and, and giving yourself permission and releasing that shame and those expectations so that you can really enjoy the work life balance.

Blend harmony, insert whatever word resonates here, rather than just dream about it or have it be this unattainable target that just keeps you stuck because you'll, you're never gonna hit it. Okay, so I hope that this is helpful. It was a, what I hope that you're walking away with is an understanding that this is hard.

It feels hard because it is hard. You're doing an awesome job. Give yourself more credit and consider some of these strategies to help make it easier. And dare I say, more enjoyable. Alright, that's all I've got for this episode. Hope it helped. I will talk to y'all soon.