151. Why High Achievers Overwork (Especially With ADHD)

Do you ever feel like every single task on your to-do list carries the emotional weight of a TED Talk, a board meeting, or a life-or-death emergency? Or when you technically have time to rest and your brain starts filling the space with more work, more pressure, more urgency?

In this episode, I’m breaking down why so many high-achieving women—especially those of us with ADHD—fall into patterns of overworking, overthinking, and making everything feel incredibly high stakes. We’re talking about the hidden payoffs behind perfectionism, the role identity plays in burnout, and why “working hard” can quietly become part of how we measure our worth.

What You’ll Learn

• 3 hidden "payoffs" that keep high achievers stuck in overworking patterns
• Why ADHD can intensify urgency, stress, perfectionism, and burnout cycles
• Coaching questions that helped me start breaking this pattern in my own life
• How to define “good enough” work without spiraling into guilt
• Simple guardrails that help prevent burnout before you hit the wall

If This Resonates:

If you’re exhausted from feeling like everything has to be done at maximum effort just to feel “safe” or successful, I can help.

This is exactly the kind of work I do inside my 1:1 coaching...helping ambitious women build sustainable success without constantly operating in stress, urgency, and burnout mode.

📌 Book a free consult here

👥 Join the FB group → Work-Life Balance for Speech Pathologists

Keywords
ADHD and overworking
high-achieving women with ADHD
work-life balance for SLPs
perfectionism and burnout
ADHD productivity coaching
executive dysfunction and stress
overwhelmed speech pathologist
time management for women with ADHD

To find out how I can help you improve your work-life balance, click here.

Come join Work-Life Balance for Speech Pathologists on Facebook for more tips and tricks!

Learn more about Theresa Harp Coaching here.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome. This is episode 151, and I'm talking about a topic that I, is very, it is very near and dear to my heart, if you will. And I'm wondering who here will feel called out. All right? But my promise to you is that by the end of this episode, you will know why you overwork, if you are someone who identifies as, you know, a high achiever, someone who's always working hard, and you feel that sense of urge, that urge or that desire or that, you know, compulsion to work your ass off.

You're gonna find out why. Like, what this is about. Why does that happen? You're also going to walk away understanding how ADHD plays a role in this [00:01:00] if you have ADHD, but if you don't, you're not exempt from this, okay? So stay with me. And of course, last but not least, what you can do to start making a change in this department, okay?

That is my plan for today's episode. So the reason that I'm talking about this is it is a... I don't think it's a topic I've covered on the podcast in its own episode in and of itself, okay? But recently, I was a guest on Hannah Boeck's Scale Smart podcast, the Scale Smart Academy podcast. I might be misquoting that name.

I will link to it in the show notes, though. I was a guest on her podcast, and we had, oh my gosh, we had such a fantastic conversation, I'm still thinking about it, about work-life balance and self-worth and the value of [00:02:00] your time, all these things, right? And one of the things that came up in that conversation was we both shared a, a history of putting a whole lot of pressure and stress upon ourselves in our line of work, okay?

Now, her situation may be a little bit different than mine. The circumstances or the details were slightly different, but really, we both have this experience of putting so much pressure on ourselves to do a good job, and we are not the exception. I see this over and over again in my coaching with other SLPs and other service providers on this intense desire to do everything at a high level.

High level of High level of q-, you know, quality and really wanting everything to [00:03:00] be a certain way and to look a certain way, and to be able to feel proud of our work, and we put everything into this work. Okay? This is a common denominator in our field, and I'm not saying that this is something that every single person struggles with, but if you're listening to this show, chances are you have struggled with this in some way.

Okay? And maybe you have struggled with this and you don't even realize that you're doing it, right? But let me give you some examples. It's like you finally get a little break in your schedule, whether it's by chance or by, you know, you've, you've created that. You finally have the time, and yet, you fill it with something.

Like, you don't just use that time to relax, to, you know, pour back into yourself. You're filling it with something. Or maybe you've got this running to-do list [00:04:00] in your head, and every single thing on that list feels like it's the be-all, end-all. Like, you've got to... Like, it feels incredibly stressful, incredibly important, and you're, like, all in on this one thing, right?

And it doesn't matter what it is. It could be, you know, planning what you're gonna do in a therapy session, or it could be giving a TED Talk, right? It could be... It could vary significantly in the impact of, of the task, in the meaning, in the significance, in the, in the value, in the pressure, in the stakes, right?

But we treat it as if it is life and death. Okay? This is, this happens a lot because we are high achievers, right? And, and we're not afraid of hard work. In fact, most of us are afraid of the alternative. If we are not busting our ass and working hard, right, [00:05:00] what might that feel like? Like, what does that...

Something has gone wrong. Oh, my goodness. Right? Like, that feels uncomfortable and unfamiliar. But I hear time and time again people saying, like, "I can't keep going at this pace. I'm going to burn out. I cannot do this," or, "I know there's got to be a better way. I just don't know what that way is." And as someone who has struggled with this in the past, I am here to tell you that there is a better way.

There is another way. There is a different... There are al- alternatives. Okay? And I wanna show you what some of those are. But in order to do this, one of the things that we must ask ourselves is why. How is Creating this pressure on ourselves [00:06:00] actually serving us. What is the payoff here? And this is a question that came up in that interview on the Scale Smart pod- uh, podcast episode when I was talking with Hannah.

She asked this question, and... Some version of this question, and it's such an important question. So I remember when I was getting coached on this a number of years back, where I was saying how I have this relationship with stress, where I like to make things as stressful as possible. And it's like, I like to bust my ass and, like, see how hard I can work and how far I can push myself to get the thing done.

And then after w- it's done, it's like, "Oh, I can finally breathe and recover," but it takes me forever to get back. Like, that recovery period takes forever, and it just perpetuates this cycle. And I remember my coach asking me, "What is that stress doing for you? Like, how is that stress serving you?" And [00:07:00] this is essentially what I want you to ask yourself.

There is some sort of hidden payoff here. And when I say payoff, I want to be clear, okay? I'm not talking about payoff in the sense of a real benefit. I'm just talking about a benefit that feels like it's helping you. It feels helpful. It feels good. It is serving you in some way. Not in the long run, but in, maybe in the immediate moment.

And it then... Otherwise, we wouldn't do this, right? We wouldn't continue to do this. So we have to look at, like, why you make this so stressful on yourself. So if you are listening, and you are someone who's identifying with some of what I'm talking about, like, yes, Theresa, I get it. I, I too make everything, every task in my business, in my private practice, seem like it's the be-all, end-all, the make or [00:08:00] break, right?

So let's look at why, and I'm gonna offer you three common reasons, three common hidden payoffs for this sense, this, this pattern, let's say, okay? First one being perfectionism, the second one being your identity, and the third one being a sense of control, okay? And I'm gonna walk you through each of these.

So number one, this perfectionism payoff. It is this belief that I have to do this perfectly so that I will be safe, okay? It's like some version of that. So if I do... I have to do this really, really, really well so that- I don't get in trouble so that the, uh, the reports meet the expectations, the clients get the services that they need, and, or [00:09:00] the student gets the services that they need, or the family's happy they get what they needed, or my supervisor is happy because this assignment or this report was done on time and it was meeting expectations and it was adequate.

Or that nobody... You know, if, as long as I do a perfect job, then anybody reading it can't come after me and tell me that I dropped the ball or I messed up, and I'm not a good SLP, right? Or I have to prove myself. Like, I care so much about this work, and I need to make sure that I am living up to my potential and what I'm capable of, and so I need my work to reflect that.

And if it doesn't, if I don't bust my ass and do this and do it really well, perfectly dare I say, then I might suffer. I'm not safe. Someone might come after me. [00:10:00] Someone might judge me, right? So a question that you can ask yourself about this is, "Who would I be if I didn't over-deliver?" Right? "Who would I be if I didn't over-deliver?"

The second hidden payoff that I mentioned, I said identity, right? Your identity. And it's, it's basically this, this idea of how you see yourself. Seeing yourself as the one who's responsible for the client getting what they need, seeing yourself as the one who's responsible for the success of your private practice, because after all, you're the owner, right?

I need to be a successful private practice owner. That's who I am. That's what I do. And so this has to be excellent work because this is who I [00:11:00] am, right? If I don't do it, who's going to do it? Or if I don't do it and do it this way, or if I want it done a certain way, I have to do it myself, right? It's this identity of how you see yourself.

Do you see yourself as somebody who is, you know, provides a really high caliber of service, who runs a really successful business? Or maybe it's the, maybe it's the other end of the spectrum. You see yourself as somebody who needs to prove that they can provide a high level of service. Maybe you see yourself as someone who has to prove that she can run a successful business.

Any- It, it, it can come in lots in, of different packaging, right? So it's not just one identity that's associated with this pattern, but it's really, it could come in lots of different identities. So really [00:12:00] asking yourself, "How do I see myself as a business owner?" If you own a private practice, or, "How do I see myself as an SLP?"

If you're an SLP working for somebody else. What, like what are the characteristics that I would des- I would describe myself as being or as having? And how am I knowingly or unknowingly creating that expectation by putting pressure on myself to do things a certain way, okay? So how does your identity connected to, how is your identity connected to this pressure and this stress that you are placing upon yourself, okay?

It could even be as simple as the identity of being a hard worker. I'm a hard worker, and so I work really hard. This is what I do. I commit, right? And think about the stories that we're told growing [00:13:00] up, in our fields, in, on social media, all these narratives that we're fed that perpetuate this pattern, right?

So for example, "Oh my gosh, you're such a hard worker. Look at you getting right after it. You're working so hard," right? That might be something that someone has said to you, uh, you know, at some point or another, and then your brain interprets that as, "Okay, I work hard, I get, I get an, you know, I get reinforcement, positive reinforcement.

I work hard, I get, uh, you know, validation. I'm seen. Someone's seeing this or appreciating it." And so it like continues this pattern, right? So thinking about how do your- do you see yourself, and how does that identity tie into this pattern of overworking, okay? And then the third hidden payoff that I mentioned was [00:14:00] control, and for me this is a huge one.

But looking at where am I trying to control the outcome with the amount of effort that I put into something and the amount, the amount of pressure that I put on myself. So maybe by making this task, this project, this report, this whatever feel really important, then I'll show up as my best self, and I'll be able to control the outcome.

It's gonna go a certain way, then I won't have to worry that I'm not doing a good enough job because I'm, I'm putting all this pressure on myself to do a good job. So of course it's gonna be good. Of course I'm gonna do a great, great work. And then I'll have a c- a sense of control over how people see me, or over how this experience goes, or over what happens after this experience, right?

It's like we're trying to control our opinion of ourselves [00:15:00] and other people's opinions of ourselves by overworking and putting tons and tons of pressure on things that don't need to have this level of stress tied to it. Okay? And so a question that you might ask yourself, um, that could be helpful in terms of the identity payoff or the control payoff, I've got two questions that you could consider.

One, if I did the bare minimum, what would that look like? What does simple look like here? What does good enough look like here? Okay, these are all different versions of, of the same question, essentially. And then the other question that you can ask yourself is, what discomfort am I avoiding by putting [00:16:00] myself, all of myself into this project?

What am I avoiding? What discomfort am I avoiding? Now, I don't wanna give you thoughts that aren't going to be useful, but if these types of questions are challenging for you, or you're not really sure, maybe you're new to the coaching world, or you're not really sure where to start, I do think it could be useful to give you some examples of how you could answer these.

But again, these are examples. These do not need to be your answers. But what discomfort am I avoiding by staying busy at, in making this... and making this super stressful? Maybe the discomfort that you're trying to avoid is, well, if I work really, really hard, that means I'm gonna distract myself, because now I have to, like, put all my time and energy into this thing, and so I can avoid the discomfort of maybe this other area of my life that isn't going as well, or that I don't feel so great about, or that I would [00:17:00] rather not think about and avoid, right?

Or maybe the discomfort that you're trying to avoid is- A fear of disa- disappointing people. That it, I have to go all in on this thing so that I don't let them down, so that I don't drop the ball, and if I do that, then, you know, that's gonna be an awkward conversation, they're not gonna like me as much, blah, blah, blah, right?

So, like, asking yourself, "What am I avoiding in this scenario?" Okay? Now, I mentioned that for those of us who have ADHD, this can feel necessary. This overworking, this pressure of making everything seem super, super stressful can be intensified in ADHD. And I didn't know that this was associated with ADHD until I was w- in my coaching journey and had already [00:18:00] found out that I was diagnosed, or had, once I had received that diagnosis of ADHD.

It was then that I learned that there was a piece of this that is tied to ADHD, okay? And there are a million things I can say about how this could be more true for those of us with ADHD. I'm just gonna give you a few, okay? I'm gonna give you a few examples. Simply, like, first and foremost, a simple way that this can be magnified for people with ADHD is time blindness.

Not knowing and seeing and feeling the sense of time passing, and so we misuse our time or misallocate it, and we might feel behind and become behind, like, we might get behind because of that struggle with time management, which then creates a sense of urgency, right? And then we're playing catch-up, and then that pattern continues, right?

It may also tie [00:19:00] into our emotional regulation, okay? With people with ADHD, we tend to feel emotions on a more intense level, and our emotional regulation is a struggle when we are also neurodivergent. So when something feels difficult or challenging, we up the ante. It then, we add the pressure on ourselves.

Plus, if you are someone who is familiar with or has struggled with RSD, rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Did I get that right? I'll have to double-check. I always say that. I always say one of the words wrong in that one. But RSD, essentially this, where you experience a sense of rejection [00:20:00] Much more, you're much more sensitive to that than, say, the neurotypical brain.

And this episode is not about RSD. Maybe, in fact, maybe I should do an episode on RSD. But just knowing that that may be part of it, you might think that you need to up the ante, put everything into every project, every task, so that you can avoid feeling rejected, feeling like you are less than, inadequate, insufficient, right?

So we need to up the ante here, okay? Or we get worried about how things are going to be received, how our work is going to be received, that we then become dysregulated in the process, and when we are emotionally dysregulated, we're not able to really access that prefrontal cortex, which houses all of our executive functioning skills, right?

So you can see how this cycle would continue. [00:21:00] Also, this belief that, and this pattern that I work best with a deadline. And so when things are due in 12 hours, that's when I really feel the sense of urgency. That's when I start to get motivated and, and, you know, and I'm taking action. And that happens in the final hour, right?

Like at the, at the 11th hour, and that's just what I have to do to be able to get stuff done. And so then it creates this cycle, right? So these are some ways that ADHD can magnify this pattern of overworking and adding pressure and stress to things that don't need to be so stressful, okay? Now, I want you to think about what you can do instead, okay?

What you can do instead. And I also wanna offer that [00:22:00] this, if this is a pattern that has existed in your life for a long time, it is probably gonna take more than one podcast episode for you to work through this, okay? So please don't think that this is something that's going to just snap your fingers and it's solved.

Trust me. I've had this pattern of overworking and adding stress for years and years and years, and so it has taken work for me to get through it. And ironically, my brain wants to make it harder, make it more stressful, to work through that pattern, right? You see, you see the irony here, right? But First step that you can do is to name your hidden payoff.

So pick one driver that feels true for you. Now, I mentioned three, perfectionism, your identity, and a sense of control. Okay? But you may find lots of other [00:23:00] drivers if you really look at this for yourself, right? Like for example, one p- hidden, hidden driver for me, one hidden payoff, was this belief that if I didn't make it super hard and stressful, I wouldn't put my best foot forward, and then my quality of work would be poorer than it should be, and then I would suffer the consequences.

Right? So figure out what is the hidden payoff for you. Is it tied to your perfectionism? Is it tied to your identity? Is it tied to needing a sense of control, or is it tied to something else? Second step is to define done. Good enough done, okay? For a task. Define what that would look like out loud so that you are very clear on what good enough can mean here.

Okay? Now, my clients know I often [00:24:00] use this, this, uh, this phrase, MVP, which is a little ironic, right? Because MVP, we think most valuable player, but MVP if you're a coaching client of mine, you know minimum viable product. MVP is essentially, like, what is the most basic, simplest level of a product that you can put out that you can just get it out, done is better than perfect, then you can test it and learn from it and improve it.

But figure out what's the MVP, what's the minimum viable product here? Or another way to ask it is what is good enough here, and what does that look like? Okay? And then the third step is to build in guardrails. So this might be a timer or a stopping point or a wind-down routine that you can put into your, your work plan so that it can help prevent you from overdoing it, from going [00:25:00] above and beyond to the point where then you're approaching burnout.

And last but not least, giving yourself some sort of reward or celebration for good enough work. When I do this When I do what's good enough, when I do the MVP, the minimum viable product, I will celebrate with, okay? And something that then builds that rewards cycle in your brain of it's like rewiring that reward pattern, that cycle, that reinforcement of, okay, good enough can feel good.

Good enough can be advantageous for me, okay? So for example, maybe it's writing an evaluation report, and you decide that good enough is XYZ, okay? It is, you know, getting the main points in the evaluation report, having some [00:26:00] solid goals, and a key, uh, statement about recommending frequency and interve- and intensity of services, okay?

My guardrail is gonna be, I'm gonna put in a one-hour guardrail. After an hour, I'm done working on this, and I'm just gonna see what I have. Like, what one hour's worth of time will result in. And when I'm done putting in that hour, I'm gonna go celebrate with a walk outside because I love fresh air, and that's going to help me kind of re-reboot and ground myself to then move on to what I need to do next, okay?

Just a simple example. Try it out and let me know. Bottom line, overworking and making things more stressful than they need to be is not a badge of honor. It's not a moral virtue. It is actually a pattern that is holding you back, and if you don't start changing this pattern, you're going to [00:27:00] continue to burn out.

And if this is something that you want help with, something on a more individual level, click the link in the show notes to book a consult, and I will walk you through exactly what we can do to help break this pattern so that you can finally start creating a vision or a version of work-life balance that works for you.

All right. That's it for this week's episode. I will talk with you all soon. Bye.